21 – 40 of 105 Works in Suicidal Thoughts
- Suicidal Thoughts ×
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A video is posted to Twitter showing Ilya Rozanov having sex with a man.
It isn't Shane Hollander.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,516
- Chapters:
- 8/12
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80400971
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Heal Deal by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-07-30
It’s his Person.
Missed you missed you missed you, he tries to convey with no mouth and no voice and all his heart. He’s reborn the way he died; the name of his Person nestled safe against his tongue.
“Ilya,” Shane gasps, and his heart beats again.
Shane Hollander dies the second Ilya Rozanov’s plane goes down. It just takes a while for his body to catch up.
Thankfully, death isn't permanent — for either of them. Their tangled souls have been given a second chance at life, and they’re going to act like it. Which means never separating again. Ever.
After all, death can’t part them. Why should hockey?
(Shane's POV of BOGO, can be read as a standalone.)
- Part 2 of Double Dipping
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,922
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #89531501
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BOGO by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-07-22
A fiery plane crash claims Ilya Rozanov’s life in January. By April, Shane Hollander is dead of a broken heart. The truth dies with them.
Yuna Hollander will do anything to get her son back, including hiring a shady shaman to resurrect him. There’s just one complication — Shane isn’t coming back alone.
Now there are codependent (not)zombies in her house wearing Ilya and Shane’s faces. When they inexplicably act more like a married couple than the bitter rivals she expected, Yuna is convinced that they came back wrong.
It’s easier than admitting she never understood them from the start.
- Part 1 of Double Dipping
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 41,605
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #87599691
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Blade to the Heart by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-06-21
The best time to do it, really, would be just before Rozanov headed back to Moscow. His American friends would think he’d headed home early, and his family in the old country would believe he had stayed in the states longer. The confusion would delay the manhunt a precious few days, enough for Shane to be sure he was well away from the fallout.
So that’s when he would do it, he decided. He would kill Rozanov after one of them won Rookie of the Year.
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Shane has successfully gotten away with murder twice by the time he meets Ilya Rozanov, and he’s convinced the man will be his perfect hat trick. After all, such a powerful obsession with Rozanov must go beyond sexual. It must be the urge to kill. It has to be.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,200
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #87104331
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Diversion by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-06-18
Ilya is married. He is married to Shane and has Shane in their bed and their house every day. He has Shane as a part of his life more fully than he ever has. People know about them. He holds Shane's hand in the grocery store without Shane pulling away. They are on the same team, getting ready to share the ice for a whole season.
Ilya has everything he'd been longing for over the past four years. Maybe longer. Probably longer.
Ilya has a hole in his chest. The edges push aside his heart and lungs, digging up under his ribs so everything feels tight and cramped while the core of his being vacillates between aching and emptiness.
In which Ilya collects pills, distracts Shane, and has a great time doing it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,377
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86779701
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The Other Option by AllieHollanov
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-06-17
Ilya. He is still sleeping fitfully in Irina’s bed, face crumpled and lips turned down. Irina leans over him and presses a single kiss to the crease between his eyebrows, and then leans back just enough to watch Ilya’s big, blue eyes blink open at her. She holds a finger against her lips, waiting until Ilya nods before she straightens up and beckons him to get out of bed. When Ilya is standing, Irina helps him into a clean sweater, his coat, scarf, and hat. Ilya looks terribly confused, but allows himself to be dressed like a toddler, watching his mother curiously but without question. He is twelve years old, certainly old enough to dress himself, and maybe Grigory has a point when he insists that Irina coddles Ilya too much, but, good heavens, that face, how could she not? It is not until Ilya notices the suitcase by the bedroom door that his expression changes. His eyes darken at first, and then his face screws up minutely, looking at Irina with thinly veiled horror. “Be completely silent, solnyshko,” Irina breathes. “We have to go.” Irina Rozanova chooses differently.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 206,821
- Chapters:
- 27/27
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #86205906
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“Why am I here?” Shane asks, braver than he feels.
“Because you are very special, Shane. And it was time for me to bring you home.”
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Or, a kidnapping fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 47,592
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81706906
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all that i lacked so long and loved so well by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-06-11
Because it's good news, right? That no one has told him that Ilya is— There probably would have been headlines. Or a press release. A photo of him in his jersey, smiling, two dates only twenty-eight years apart, a few lines about his career, and no listed survivors. Supportive tweets from a bunch of people in the league. Shane's team would put out a press release about the foundation and probably get a flood of donations. There would be something, if he were—
But there's nothing. There's just this void. Nothing, nothing, no sign of him. It's like Ilya has disappeared off the face of the earth.
***
Shane's point of view on the events of lonely i came, and i depart alone
- Part 2 of a strange door
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,373
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86550126
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sliding carefully/seriously slipping out of control by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-06-09
Ilya figures out the key to escaping the time loop on the third consecutive Tuesday. It isn’t exactly hard.
The time loop chews him up and spits him out a hundred Tuesdays later.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,321
- Chapters:
- 4/?
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81973116
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Shane joins Ilya on a quick trip to Moscow, which soon transforms into a nightmare. Ilya is arrested and targeted so harshly that he's not sure Russia will let him go this time.
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Shane witnesses Ilya's family.
Alexei and Ilya's relationship is explored.
Yuna flies to Russia.
Lots of Svetlana.
Healing journey fluff afterwards.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 142,860
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78329636
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his sugar baby, his sour coach, his jock bro lady macbeth by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-06-05
Shane and Ilya collide on the ice in 2008, and Shane's career is over before it begins.
In 2014, when they meet each other in a club in Boston, Ilya wants to make it up to him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,933
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86147036
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there may never next time be by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-06-01
He figures Ilya would be pretty surprised if he showed up to his house out of the blue. Surprised enough to be put off, probably. Shane is way too bad of a liar to think of any plausible excuse. If this is really happening, if Shane is actually by some miracle getting another shot at this, then he’s going to have to play this smart. His impatience to see Ilya again will have to be tempered. He’s not sure how time travel works, but he has the sneaking suspicion that one wrong move could unravel everything.
Ilya is alive.
Just the thought of it is enough to make Shane crack his first smile in a year.
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AU in which Ilya dies in the Centaurs' plane crash. A year later, careless with grief, Shane drives his car into a blizzard and wakes up in Boston, in 2016. When faced with the opportunity to do it right this time, and keep Ilya for good, Shane knows that every decision he makes will be crucial. It's terrifying, but Ilya once told him that he's brave. Now it's up to Shane to prove it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,149
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #85966106
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lonely i came, and i depart alone by Anonymous
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-31
Ilya has heard people say that suicide is a selfish act. He's heard people say it about his mother, and it used to make him furious. He’d punched Alexei for it, once, broken his nose when he said, why are you still moping over that selfish bitch, she left us without a thought, even though he knew it was his brother’s grief speaking and not his heart.
That word, selfish, made him so furious, maybe, because some small part of him believed it. Some part of himself, a part of him that he was too ashamed of to acknowledge, let alone to name, believed that his mother should have been braver. Should have been stronger. Should have fought harder to stay with him, to keep taking care of him. Would have, if she’d loved Ilya as much as she claimed to.
He knows now, now that he has Shane, that it isn’t true. He knows it is possible to love someone entirely, completely, with the purest and truest love, and for life to still be unbearable.
***
Another look at Ilya's depression in The Long Game.
- Part 1 of a strange door
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,280
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #85832251
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The soundproofing in room 1221 is exactly as bad as Shane fears. He and Rozanov can hear every word as Scott Hunter engages in a deeply depressing annual ritual, and decide offering comfort is more important than keeping things a secret.
It sparks a friendship that ends up changing more than just the trajectory of those three men's lives.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,337
- Chapters:
- 8/11
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77427336
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“Oh my god, oh my god. Seriously, this is the best. I can’t believe you’re my neighbour. I’m calling it now, Hollander. This right here is the beginning of a friendship that will go down in history.” Ilya is 10 years old when his family moves from Jacksonville, Florida to small town Ontario. There, he forms an unexpected friendship with Shane, the boy living on the ginseng farm across the street. As they grow up and grow apart, their paths continue to cross at high school hockey games, in tabloid articles, and at one particular intimate Muskoka cottage. OR: A childhood friends to strangers to lovers AU in which Shane Hollander (up and coming indie rock star) and Ilya Rozanov (brooding artist) take nearly fifteen years to figure their shit out.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 157,018
- Chapters:
- 33/33
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77742121
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Ruined Everything by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-22
It was supposed to be a good day. Ilya loves his boyfriend. He loves hanging out with David and Yuna. Scott and Kip were in Ottawa for a visit. And Ilya knows he’s supposed to be happy but… he can’t. He feels like he’s drowning in tar.
- Part 5 of Seasoned Gay to the Rescue
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,636
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #85173556
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“You handled it well. You flunked a bit the questions we had prepared, but you did well.”
“Flunked?” Shane asked, voice pitching up as the words salted over the open wound, the infected gutting from the top of his throat down to his stomach.
“You should have rectified and make your position clear about Scott Hunter. We don’t want you to sound like you’re antagonizing him,” Yuna added, matter-of-factly, her eyes narrowing on the knot of his tie, adjusting it like it still mattered.Shane’s body shook violently against his will, dislodging from under her touch. Yuna looked up, surprised by his reaction.
Surprise that shifted to horror immediately.“No, that’s not what I meant–”
“I need to–” he gasped, bringing a hand to cover his mouth, while Yuna tried to grab his arm. Any other time, he could have avoided her, but Shane was falling.- Part 2 of Everything is fine
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,556
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #84590841
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if you're scared of wolves by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-12
In another life — or maybe the next one, or maybe the one before — Ilya Rozanov learns that some roads only lead to one place. No matter how you take them, the wolves are always waiting at the end.
Maybe that's why, in December 2008, Ilya wakes up with the distinct, inexplicable sense, that he has already lived this life before.
Some things, it turns out, are inevitable. The question is whether he is.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 92,100
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80956281
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Personne Sait Comment On Fait Des Papas by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-11
“Alexei, I fucking told you to never call me again, you fucking piece of—”
“Am I speaking with Ilya Grigorievich Rozanov?”
Ilya went silent immediately. That was not his brother’s voice. Nor was it Katia’s, his sister-in-law. It was an aristocratic, cold voice. He went completely still.
“Yes.”
“I’m calling from the Child Services Department, Ilya Grigorievich,” the woman continued, and Ilya frowned deeply. “Your brother Alexei Rozanov and his wife died yesterday in a car accident.”
Twice in his life, Ilya had felt like this. The ice around his heart melted just enough for the numbness to vanish and give way to a sharp, stinging pain. It lasted only two seconds before he managed to compose himself. He didn’t want to feel anything for Alexei, so even if Katia’s death carried a trace of sadness—she was a mess, but she always tried to smile at him and cook warm meals for him when he visited Russia—, he dismissed the feeling entirely.
“So what?”
“You are the only living family member of their daughter. Your brother named you as her legal guardian, Ilya Grigorievich.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 116,221
- Chapters:
- 9/12
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #76439116
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forgive me if i jump at the rattle of your keys by justhockey
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-11
Ilya knew, right from the very moment he met Shane Hollander, that he would never be good enough for him. He’d seemed so…pristine, when they first met. Untouched. And Ilya knew his unclean hands would only dirty him up. He’s always been selfish, though; his father used to tell him that. So it’s no surprise, really, that Shane has finally gotten tired of it. Of him, always needing more from Shane than he deserves - always begging for more than he has earned. Ilya would leave himself, too, if he could. (Or, five time Ilya thought Shane would leave, and one time he knew he wasn’t going anywhere.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,381
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #84685756