1 – 19 of 19 Works in Self-Harm
- Self-Harm ×
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the toughest part is that we both know (what happened to you, why you’re out on your own) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-09-20
Ilya wasn’t trying to kill himself that night. Suicide is something that belongs to his mother- he’s just lazy, and he wishes Shane would stop making excuses for him.
Shane has everything under control. His body is a tool, the one that’s given him both his career and his relationship, and he wishes Ilya would stop prying into the way he maintains it.
or: Ilya learns a whole lot more about his mother, Shane remembers a whole lot more about his childhood, and they both get diagnosed.
- Part 3 of Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,519
- Chapters:
- 9/19
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79324761
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You are a traitor, you lied to all of them. To have teammates question him? To have years of loyalty erased in a single night? You are a fucking liar. Something twisted violently inside his chest. The first sob escaped before he realized he was crying. His vision blurred instantly. "No." His hands began shaking. "No." The container slipped. He caught it. Stared at it. The stupid fucking chicken. The stupid fucking rice. The stupid fucking vegetables. Or a canon divergence after Shane trips. It was for nothing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,677
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86842336
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“Why am I here?” Shane asks, braver than he feels.
“Because you are very special, Shane. And it was time for me to bring you home.”
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Or, a kidnapping fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 47,592
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81706906
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The first thing that people notice when they look at Ilya is the way that the word disappointment carves itself in jagged, angry letters along his jawline. This is not the worst mark he bears—it’s just the most visible.
(In which the most hurtful things your soulmate has thought about themself appear as words cut into your body. Shane and Ilya find reasons to love each other anyway.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,851
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86505621
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Showing Up For Him by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-03-22
Shane wasn’t his boyfriend. But for a while it had felt like it. They’d been alone in his house. He’d made them tuna melts and watched TV. They’d cuddled like a real couple. And then he had to go and ruin it. Like he ruins everything. The press won't stop talking about Shane and Rose. He's turning into his mother and for some reason, Scott Hunter is the only one who sees him. And it scares him.
OR
Ilya spirals after the tuna melt scene and engages in self-destructive behaviors. Scott Hunter notices and refuses to go away.
*This is a stand alone fic and is not related to the others in the series.
- Part 3 of Seasoned Gay to the Rescue
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,566
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80864736
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change, like the sky by cupocoffee
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-16
He doesn’t mean for it to happen that way. He sees the asphalt before he reaches it. He thinks, Ilya. He doesn’t remember much after that. - SHANE HOLLANDER, CAPTAIN OF MONTREAL METROS, FOUND UNRESPONSIVE AFTER FALLING FROM APARTMENT BALCONY The incident occurred mere hours after rumors of the hockey star’s sexuality started circulating, stemming from an online video of a private conversation between the young captain and actress Rose Landry. There is no update on his current status after being moved to… Or, Shane gets outed and accidentally hurts himself, the world thinks he's tried to end his life, and Ilya struggles to come to terms with mortality in more than one sense of the word.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,264
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #79643536
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Ilya Rozanov does not make it two weeks on Zoloft before the worst side effect hits hard and fast.
or,
“Barrett, I fucked up,” he says.
“Roz?” Barrett sounds dazed.
“I fucked up,” he repeats, and he realizes how drunk he sounds. He’s in so much trouble he almost hangs up.
“Roz, what's going on,” Barrett says.
Bozhe, he’s going to have to say the words.
Now with part two, featuring buckwheat pancakes, psychiatry for millionaires, important conversations, and Troy and Ilya’s worst “your mom” joke.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,345
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79759316
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my red string of fate (is the color of his blood) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-11
Ilya Rozanov's new life began at eighteen years old.
But his new life truly started at four hundred and thirteen years old when he met the love of his life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,531
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #79329676
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and i don't want the world to see me by avocadoestoastyyy
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-02
incredibly whumpy shane hollander subdrops/has an anxiety attack and austistic meltdown after vegas 2014, soft dom ilya rozanov is there to pick up the pieces or: extremely self indulgent hollanov subdrop fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,040
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78758346
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the first cut was the deepest (and the next one was a soft touch) by only_the_golden
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-30
A flickering light in the locker room sends Shane into a meltdown after his first game against Montreal since joining Ottawa. Title from "Work Out" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise
- Part 6 of Autistic Shane Hollander One-Shots
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,525
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78568296
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to the tempo of your uptight (he flickers through your damage) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-29
It didn’t really click for Shane until his boyfriend nearly broke down their steel-inforced bathroom door to get to him; Something Is Wrong With Ilya.
or: Ilya goes off the deep end. Shane doesn’t realize he’s already down there with him.
- Part 2 of Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,429
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78552791
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It wasn’t something he did on purpose. And he doesn’t remember exactly when he started. All Shane knows is one day, when he was 16, he got a bad grade on a math test, and his parents rule was that as soon as any of his grades dipped below a B-, he was off the hockey team. He was still standing strong with a B+, and with only a couple months left of the year, chances are things would stay that way, but Shane still worked himself into a panic, and before he knew it, he was pinching his upper arm so hard that once he finally loosened his grip, it bruised immediately. So yeah. That became a thing. or Shane doesn't mean to hurt himself. It just ... happens. --- Set between 'Heated Rivalry' and 'The Long Game'.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,738
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78271476
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i know my darkness will never go away by probsnothawkeye
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-16
It's hard when you're living / and you don't feel much / and you're down and you're hoping / that things are gonna change Apathy wasn’t quite the word for it; it was something much deeper than apathy was. It was like a numbness, like a void had taken root in Ilya’s heart and swallowed him whole. He wasn’t even moving on autopilot– no, he was incredibly aware of his every movement, every decision, every thought. It was inertia, pure and simple, that kept Ilya moving. There was no outside force to stop his motion, not when his brain was this empty, so he simply kept gliding along, wondering when the feeling would come back. If the feeling would come back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,554
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77757766
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Some nights, alone in another anonymous hotel room, Shane scrolls through old photos on his phone. His face rounder. His smile easier. He tries to remember what it felt like not to think about food at all. The memory feels fuzzy, distant, like something that happened to a different version of him. He wonders—briefly, dangerously—if Ilya would notice if he got worse. Not better. Not “healthier.” Worse.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,551
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77544341
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What kind of role model can't handle a little bit of pressure? * Shane has a bad day, leading to a meltdown. Ilya helps pick up the pieces.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,287
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77521141
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know it's for the better / no, it's for the better by selfishambition
Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-03
Ilya Rozanov has been carrying his mother's ghost since he was twelve years old. Sochi is where the weight finally breaks him. Russia is eliminated in the most humiliating loss in their history, and their captain sits on a twelfth-floor balcony railing thinking about letting go. Shane Hollander has a gold medal game in fourteen hours. He comes anyway.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,371
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77026136
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i think my ways are wearing me down by Literal_Multifandom_Trashcan
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-02
They had three chairs up at the countertop. If he sits in the second one, something bad will happen. Everyone will die. The house will explode. You can warn him. He has to sit in the first one or the third one. If not, everyone you love will die and it will all be your fault. Ilya moved to sit in the second chair. Shane bristled, hands trembling. “Don’t.” Shane snapped. Ilya froze, glancing at Shane with a concerned and confused expression. Shane inhaled, then exhaled. Guilt crawled up his throat. He was being fucking insane. Still though, what if he wasn’t being insane? What if there was a 0.1% something bad would happen to Ilya? or: shane hollander has a bad ocd day. luckily, he has people to help him through it
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,298
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76908206
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you know this moment, don’t you? (time is strangely calm now) by barnes_romzanov
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-25
It’s dark, and Ilya’s not quite sure where he is. His entire body is numb. His shoes are soaking wet from trudging lazily through the snow. His nose is running, and his lips are chapped. Selfishly, he wishes Shane would fuss over him now. Pull him close, whisper “I forgive you” even though he shouldn’t, because Ilya would never change, because something inside him- in his family line, in his soul- was broken. Ilya wondered how long ago it had clicked- when Shane had realized that Ilya wormed his way into this country and tricked the Hollanders into caring for him, then returned the favor by botching their language and leaving a trail of mess in his wake. He still can't help but wonder if that will be part of his punishment- being doomed to miss him in death, too. or: Ilya’s mostly been able to cope with the fact that he’ll never be able to articulate himself fully in this country- but he’s also never been good at talking about feelings in the first place. "I'm tired" is the best he's got. It definitely doesn't capture what's going on in his head, and Shane can't read minds.
- Part 1 of Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,440
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #76389551
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I don’t know why. by TheQueenoftheAbyss
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-21
When Ilya’s depression rears its ugly head in a new way Shane is there to catch him as he falls. Because everyone deserves a Shane to catch them. !Ep 6/ The Long game spoilers! (Sort of)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,579
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76165306