1 – 20 of 27 Works in Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
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"I'm okay. I'm right here."
"You have not been. You have not been okay, and you have not been right here, and I did not know—"
"Nobody knew. I disappeared, Ilya, I wanted to. I needed to."
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it's been years since ilya saw shane hollander. he's different now.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,913
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #94610046
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one is not like the other by Tizniz
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-10-07
Shane watches as Ilya laughs brightly, shaking his head despite the person on the other end of the phone being unable to hear him. He responds with the same jovial tone that is being sent in his direction, the words still a chirp as is usual between hockey players, but spoken with a lighthearted teasing laced throughout it. There’s no hunched shoulders, tense jaw, dropped gaze. Ilya is the opposite, sprawled across the couch, phone held in a loose grip, the speaker phone creating a bit of echo but not interacting with the quality of the call. One would think that Ilya is talking to someone he adores, like Svetlana, or maybe even Shane when they’re playing the latest NHL video game, battling against each other. It definitely doesn’t sound like any conversation Shane has ever had with one of his own teammates.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,429
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #94169076
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syllogism (boy, am I bad at math) by Anonymous
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-09-09
Ilya Rozanov had been talking to Harris Drover on Grindr for six months now—which was probably way longer than Grindr’s social etiquette and common sense dictated, but the guy was just something else, and Ilya hadn’t been able to convince himself to stop even once it was clear that they were never going to meet, and that sexting was all he was ever gonna get.
Harris was—he was fun, in that dry, sarcastic, bitchy, bratty way that Ilya went absolutely feral for. There was just one thing—one tiny, minuscule problem—well, more of a small wrinkle. Inconsequential at best, really.
Harris was catfishing Ilya with pictures of Shane Hollander.
or; the risk Ilya took was calculated... but boy, is he bad at math.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,054
- Chapters:
- 2/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #91304586
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Slow Dancing in the Dark by Anonymous
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-08-18
There were things about Shane Hollander that existed only in the dark, and those things were most of him.
or; a moment of vulnerability at a team gathering turns into a viral scandal overnight when a video of Shane coming out is leaked to the press.
Suddenly, everyone is watching. Everyone is talking. Everyone is judging.
It all goes to hell—until maybe it doesn't.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 155,505
- Chapters:
- 7/11
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #85806666
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It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-07-17
His stomach takes a sharp, screeching left. His heart stalls and then shifts into gear, zero to 180, every tired tract of him seizing and squealing to go, run, leave.
“Hey, I found him,” Tony says, finishing a conversation Ilya wasn’t in, easy like all conversations without Ilya are. Easy like the world isn’t ending. Like Ilya isn’t standing there, wishing every time he tried to self-destruct or kill himself had worked.
Greasy black hair. Sallow freckled skin. A turned head and horror-widened eyes taking in the big bad monster who finally arrived onscreen.
“Shane, Ilya; Ilya, Shane,” Tony says, totally oblivious. “You both like hockey, right? So that’s something in common. I’ve got to take lunch, but I’ll check in on you both before my shift is over.”
Nobody knows if Ilya Rozanov tried to kill himself before the draft. Nobody sane goes first overall. And nobody knows if Shane Hollander is going to survive another mediocre season with the Boston Raiders.
Isn’t it funny how a single nick in the ice can change the entire game?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,604
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #88732591
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The Other Option by AllieHollanov
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-06-17
Ilya. He is still sleeping fitfully in Irina’s bed, face crumpled and lips turned down. Irina leans over him and presses a single kiss to the crease between his eyebrows, and then leans back just enough to watch Ilya’s big, blue eyes blink open at her. She holds a finger against her lips, waiting until Ilya nods before she straightens up and beckons him to get out of bed. When Ilya is standing, Irina helps him into a clean sweater, his coat, scarf, and hat. Ilya looks terribly confused, but allows himself to be dressed like a toddler, watching his mother curiously but without question. He is twelve years old, certainly old enough to dress himself, and maybe Grigory has a point when he insists that Irina coddles Ilya too much, but, good heavens, that face, how could she not? It is not until Ilya notices the suitcase by the bedroom door that his expression changes. His eyes darken at first, and then his face screws up minutely, looking at Irina with thinly veiled horror. “Be completely silent, solnyshko,” Irina breathes. “We have to go.” Irina Rozanova chooses differently.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 206,821
- Chapters:
- 27/27
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #86205906
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Saved On Purpose by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-25
“Yay!” Ilya giggles and throws his head back, settling back into the pillows. He smiles dreamily at Shane. “I’m glad I didn’t kill myself.”
Shane freezes and Scott stiffens. His words come out slowly, horrified by what he’s just heard. Maybe it was a fluke or an offhanded dead joke. “What did you say?”OR
Ilya suffers a concussion and while high on pain medication, he accidentally reveals his attempt the previous summer.
- Part 7 of Seasoned Gay to the Rescue
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,230
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #85480911
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Ruined Everything by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-22
It was supposed to be a good day. Ilya loves his boyfriend. He loves hanging out with David and Yuna. Scott and Kip were in Ottawa for a visit. And Ilya knows he’s supposed to be happy but… he can’t. He feels like he’s drowning in tar.
- Part 5 of Seasoned Gay to the Rescue
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,636
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #85173556
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Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper called it an international emergency in his address to the Canadian public. Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin claimed Russia was devoting every resource to it. The endless loops of crawling chyrons titled it Hockey Held Hostage. Eventually, Wikipedia settled on ‘The Sochi Affair’:
The Sochi Affair (Russian: Сочинское дело; French: affaire Sotchi) was a multinational hostage and extortion crisis that began on Thursday, February 20, 2014, when Olympic ice hockey players, Shane Hollander of Canada and Ilya Rozanov of Russia, were abducted from the Iceberg Skating Palace during the Sochi Winter Olympics and held hostage in southwestern Kazakhstan for 3 months, 19 days.
The world was captivated when Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander went missing, but no one will ever know what they found in the face of survival.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,300
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #83440566
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things that go bump in the night by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-30
“I’m Shane. Hollander. Vampire hunter,” The introduction would be madness anywhere else. But Shane had ducked out to catch his breath, exhausted from the constant stream of networking and chatter with other vampire hunters. He was a newly minted hunter and beamed with pride to tell anyone about it. He was certain this stranger wouldn’t be scandalised but when he held out his hand, they just stared at it.
“Ilya Rozanov,” he introduced himself, then flashed Shane a wicked smile, “vampire.”
Shane hunts feral vampires. Ilya is a vampire, but Shane's not interested in hunting him - no, he wants something far more dangerous. When the lines of their rivalry start to blur, they find themselves entangled in an age old conflict that will have far-reaching consequences.
- Part 2 of heated rivalry fics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 29,563
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81593171
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The Distance Between Us by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-30
Ilya Rozanov has spent ten years circling Shane Hollander. Ten years of hotel rooms and secret phone calls. Ten years of pretending he doesn't feel it, doesn't need it, doesn't wake up reaching for someone who's already gone. Ten years convincing himself he's not good enough. That he's not worth it.
Then a plane needs to make an emergency landing near Montreal, and Yuna Hollander is on it.
So when Shane calls him from a bathroom floor, unable to breathe, Ilya stops pretending.
After five hundred miles of frozen highway, three and a half hours of driving like a man possessed, a hospital waiting room full of people who have every reason to hate him, and a boy who looks at him like he's something worth keeping, Ilya may have learned a thing or two about what it means to be loved—and to let himself love freely.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 104,414
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #81207291
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Everything Shane has ever done has resulted in something else. People would call that karma, or physics, but Shane knows better. There are moments he’s sure he has the ability to control everything with a right or wrong thought. And there are moments of clarity where he knows this isn’t true.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,187
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81297256
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Three times Shane had meltdowns. Once when he's alone, then Ilya's first time seeing him have one, and lastly Ilya's umpteenth time, when he knows exactly how to help. Probably not book-canon (haven't read them), title from No Surprises by radiohead
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,098
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79150546
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Take me out the dark (take me home) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-04
Ilya rounded the desk, and his heart didn’t stutter but simply stopped. For an endless second everything stilled around him. Shane had found them, his letters and his journals. And the world turned sideways slowly slipping away from Ilya’s grasp. Like someone had taken away the solid ground underneath his feet, leaving him falling indefinitely. His entire focus narrowed on the pages Shane was clasping in his hands and the shoe carton next to him.
He had always promised himself that one day he would show Shane, he would tell him about all of it. But he had never wanted it to happen like this. For Shane to just stumble across the pages that carried his darkest thoughts and simple truths of his life. Never wanted him to read those alone or ever. Because Ilya wasn’t sure he was strong enough to revisit all the open wounds he had spilled on those pages.
---
Or Shane and Ilya spend some time at the cottage between Christmas and New Year’s and unravel their past once and for all.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,342
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76323236
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After Vegas, Shane is convinced Ilya is done with him, and finds another man to sleep with in a desperate hope to fix whatever is wrong with him. Except Shane drops hard after his one night stand, and accidently picks up a call from Ilya while he's sobbing on the floor of his hotel room.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,145
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78868346
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It wasn’t something he did on purpose. And he doesn’t remember exactly when he started. All Shane knows is one day, when he was 16, he got a bad grade on a math test, and his parents rule was that as soon as any of his grades dipped below a B-, he was off the hockey team. He was still standing strong with a B+, and with only a couple months left of the year, chances are things would stay that way, but Shane still worked himself into a panic, and before he knew it, he was pinching his upper arm so hard that once he finally loosened his grip, it bruised immediately. So yeah. That became a thing. or Shane doesn't mean to hurt himself. It just ... happens. --- Set between 'Heated Rivalry' and 'The Long Game'.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,738
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78271476
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Shane Hollander loved Ilya Rozanov, so much that it was going to kill him. He has to make the most of the time he has left after the Olympics, before the roots really take hold. AKA your basic Hanahaki Disease fic, full of pining, mild body horror, sex, and eventually some well-earned comfort.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,519
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77220691
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The call rings through to voicemail, but Ilya doesn’t listen to the message as he hangs up and starts calling again. Only two rings sound into his ear as he shoves his feet into some shoes before the line connects. “Rozanov.” Hayden Pike drawls, “I thought we agreed to only call if there was an emergency.” “Why the fuck do you think I’m calling?” Ilya snaps, hating that he has to talk to Pike. But Pike is Shane’s best friend. He is also in the same city as Shane and can get to him before Ilya. He can stay until Ilya gets there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,785
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77606106
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Some nights, alone in another anonymous hotel room, Shane scrolls through old photos on his phone. His face rounder. His smile easier. He tries to remember what it felt like not to think about food at all. The memory feels fuzzy, distant, like something that happened to a different version of him. He wonders—briefly, dangerously—if Ilya would notice if he got worse. Not better. Not “healthier.” Worse.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,551
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77544341
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was i made from a broken mold? by Literal_Multifandom_Trashcan
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-11
Shane pulled out the vodka handle, wiping the dust off. He stared at it for a long moment. Shane rarely drank hard liquor. It made his head spin and his stomach uncomfortable, wasn’t worth all the extra calories. Wasn’t even really meant to drink on his meds, but. It would make him feel worse. It would make him feel like absolute shit. And that was exactly what Shane was counting on. So he had stumbled over to the bathroom, flipped on the dim overhead light, sunk to the bathroom floor, and drank. or: shane hollander gets super drunk on the bathroom floor after a really bad few days. it is not fun for anyone involved, but luckily ilya is there to pick up the pieces
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,618
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77473631