1 – 20 of 31 Works in Suicide Attempt
- Suicide Attempt ×
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He'd made it halfway through writing the first note before it felt suddenly far too pathetic. Was this seriously the legacy he wanted to leave behind? No one would talk about any of his wins if he killed himself now. He would be the failed Russian team captain of the 2014 Olympics who couldn't handle the job and offed himself about it. His father would probably follow him in death just to yell at him for embarrassing the family, and Russia, and everyone who had ever rooted for him.
And when he had been made captain in Boston, he had promised his Bears he would get them a cup. He couldn't just leave without doing that. Didn't want to leave and let people think he was a liar, or that he just gave up when things got hard, lazy, useless, stupid boy.
He tore up the note he'd begun, and began his second plan instead.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 41,394
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #92089516
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Loving You Is A Losing Game by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-09-16
Box office manager Gabriella Marchaud returns from vacation to find her work best friend Ilya Rozanov spiraling into a playoff-induced depression.
To pull him back from the brink, she devises a ridiculous plan: lure him back to Ottawa for a night of glitter, drunken chaos, and the transformative power of Eurovision.
But she can't do it alone. She needs a team of hockey players willing to learn the sacred art of Europe's greatest cultural event—through 67 pages of history, two semi finals of training, and the kind of ridiculous joy that might just save Ilya from himself.
Or
Gabriella recruits the Centaurs into watching Eurovision so she can save Ilya from playoff depression.
- Part 2 of Friends in Ottawa AU
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 76,056
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #87761781
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I just got here but I'm leaving by Anonymous
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-09-03
Ilya doesn’t want to be here anymore.
Things get bad for Ilya in 2014 following the Sochi Olympics and winning the Cup. In desperation, he calls Shane. To his surprise, Shane shows up.
- Part 1 of point me towards the real
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,336
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #90097796
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seeing no face but his, to him i crept by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-08-23
Ilya's left hand, which had been folded onto his lap, drops to the seat of the car. Shane hopes he's interpreting the gesture correctly when he takes Ilya's hand in his own and raises them both up to his heart.
"Right here," Shane says. "This is where you belong, and it's where you'll always be." And you have nothing to be sorry for, Shane wants to say. I'm the one who should be sorry. Who will spend the rest of my life regretting every single day that I let you feel this way. But it's not time for that conversation yet. It's not time to lay any of that on Ilya. All Ilya needs right now is to know that Shane loves him, and to be taken safely home.
***
Shane brings Ilya home after his suicide attempt.
- Part 3 of a strange door
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,489
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #91142726
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Ilya tries to kill himself. In the following weeks, they move forwards, as best as they can.
(12 glimpses at the never ending state of being in recovery.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,622
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #89892336
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Fire on Fire by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-08-12
In Vegas, after the MLH awards, Shane asks to go bare and Ilya goes along with it. Afterwards, Shane, who had realized how he felt about Ilya during those 6 months of radio silence, tries to tell Ilya. Ilya, scared and caught off guard, breaks Shane's heart and tells him to leave.
A month later, Shane finds out he's pregnant. He decides to keep it. He tells the Voyageurs. It goes how you'd expect. They drop him. But he has his baby. While he focuses on keeping his body healthy for the baby, Yuna focuses on finding a team that will take him and give him what he wants for the end of the pregnancy. Only one team will - The Boston Bears.
Things are looking up for Shane. Until he loses everything...again. His world falls apart in the span of a few hours. Again. His mind can't take it and he breaks.
A little over a year after Ilya broke Shane's heart, Shane starts a new season as a newly minted Boston Bear. Will he be able to play with the man that broke his heart and act like nothing happened? Will Ilya?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 69,369
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #87588446
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The Other Option by AllieHollanov
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-06-17
Ilya. He is still sleeping fitfully in Irina’s bed, face crumpled and lips turned down. Irina leans over him and presses a single kiss to the crease between his eyebrows, and then leans back just enough to watch Ilya’s big, blue eyes blink open at her. She holds a finger against her lips, waiting until Ilya nods before she straightens up and beckons him to get out of bed. When Ilya is standing, Irina helps him into a clean sweater, his coat, scarf, and hat. Ilya looks terribly confused, but allows himself to be dressed like a toddler, watching his mother curiously but without question. He is twelve years old, certainly old enough to dress himself, and maybe Grigory has a point when he insists that Irina coddles Ilya too much, but, good heavens, that face, how could she not? It is not until Ilya notices the suitcase by the bedroom door that his expression changes. His eyes darken at first, and then his face screws up minutely, looking at Irina with thinly veiled horror. “Be completely silent, solnyshko,” Irina breathes. “We have to go.” Irina Rozanova chooses differently.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 206,821
- Chapters:
- 27/27
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #86205906
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lonely i came, and i depart alone by Anonymous
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-31
Ilya has heard people say that suicide is a selfish act. He's heard people say it about his mother, and it used to make him furious. He’d punched Alexei for it, once, broken his nose when he said, why are you still moping over that selfish bitch, she left us without a thought, even though he knew it was his brother’s grief speaking and not his heart.
That word, selfish, made him so furious, maybe, because some small part of him believed it. Some part of himself, a part of him that he was too ashamed of to acknowledge, let alone to name, believed that his mother should have been braver. Should have been stronger. Should have fought harder to stay with him, to keep taking care of him. Would have, if she’d loved Ilya as much as she claimed to.
He knows now, now that he has Shane, that it isn’t true. He knows it is possible to love someone entirely, completely, with the purest and truest love, and for life to still be unbearable.
***
Another look at Ilya's depression in The Long Game.
- Part 1 of a strange door
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,280
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #85832251
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domoy by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
2026-04-25
June 2016
Shane hefts the Stanley Cup over his head for a second time, a numb joy settling over him.
The partners and families of the Voyageurs flood down to the ice in a rush. His parents have come down, visibly proud.
And yet this year, it somehow feels a little worse, because Ilya wasn't next to them, cheering in a HOLLANDER jersey.
After coming out as friends and revealing the figure skating rivalry in their families, Shane and Ilya must face the challenges of the coming years, while Yuuri and Yuri face dilemmas of their own...
In which I ask the question: What if Shane and Ilya went to the Quebec Nordiques?
A direct sequel to brátishka, featuring social media, texting, emails, and a whole lot of canon divergence.
Extras start in Chapter 14!
- Part 4 of crackin' open a cold one
- Part 2 of in all but name
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 60,000
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82889321
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The morning after Ilya Rozanov kills himself, he wakes up next to Shane in their shared bed in their shared house in their shared life, and Shane is still sleeping, so he doesn’t know what Ilya’s done yet.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,390
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82540581
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This was what tended to scare Shane the most, when Ilya was unwell: the gradual loss of him, despite being physically there. He would go quiet, blank, slow to speak and slow to respond, nothing like the pulse of intense energy and liveliness that sparked in him at his baseline. Shane missed him, when he was away in that place. It was not a place Ilya could always describe, and it was not somewhere Shane could rescue him from, or even join him in for company. So Shane waited, every time, for him to come back. He always came back. That was the only relief in it.
- Part 2 of snowdrops
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,051
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81324646
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change, like the sky by cupocoffee
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-16
He doesn’t mean for it to happen that way. He sees the asphalt before he reaches it. He thinks, Ilya. He doesn’t remember much after that. - SHANE HOLLANDER, CAPTAIN OF MONTREAL METROS, FOUND UNRESPONSIVE AFTER FALLING FROM APARTMENT BALCONY The incident occurred mere hours after rumors of the hockey star’s sexuality started circulating, stemming from an online video of a private conversation between the young captain and actress Rose Landry. There is no update on his current status after being moved to… Or, Shane gets outed and accidentally hurts himself, the world thinks he's tried to end his life, and Ilya struggles to come to terms with mortality in more than one sense of the word.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,264
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #79643536
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He Used To Be A Lovely Boy by Midnight_w0nder
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-14
In which Irina never died, but Ilya still inherited her sadness. Or, Shane navigates Ilya’s suicide attempt with Irina.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,139
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81209021
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"I told him to pick up milk," Shane sobbed, the sound hysterical and broken. "That’s the last thing I said to him. ‘Pick up some milk on the way home.’ I didn't say I loved him. I didn't say stay. I didn't even look him in the eye because I was frustrated with the loss. I just told him to buy fucking milk." Ilya Rozanov has always been a master of control. Of the puck, of the media, of his own jagged edges. But lately, the edges have started to blur. The "Czar" is retreating, leaving behind a house that looks like a museum and a husband who is starting to feel like a stranger. When the last of Ilya's mess is cleared away and his ring is left behind like a final period at the end of a sentence, Shane has to face the terrifying truth: Ilya doesn't think he’s leaving a hole behind, he thinks he’s cleaning one up. Kinda compliant to The Long Game, but before Ilya talks about his depression with Shane, or goes to seek help.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,700
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80550846
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Please don't leave (I won't ever) by 17darwinism
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-01
“What did you actually think?” He can’t help it. He looks at Ilya. Ilya only stares at him. “I say that now, in hindsight. Back then, I wasn’t thinking. Not really. It would come to me in waves, the anxiety, the fear. Most of the time,” he says. “I was just…” “Waiting for me to speak?” Ilya offers. Shane shakes his head, “I was trying to make it to tomorrow with you alive.” or, Ilya and Shane work to find themselves, and each other, again after Ilya's suicide attempt.
- Part 2 of Please, God, I'm finally loved
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 33,429
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80471656
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Rozanov wanted to hurt himself, or tried to hurt himself, or did hurt himself. Acknowledging the idea feels like staring directly at the sun. If Shane lets the thought settle, it’ll burn its way through every other thought he has.
Rozanov is catching a pillow that Sveta throws at him and smiling. He told Shane that therapy is working. He’s here. He’s fine.
Shane takes careful breaths and taps his right thumb to his fingers one by one as he sets aside that confusion and terror. Rozanov did not invite him here to freak out, so Shane’s not going to freak out.
Or: The summer after he wins the Cup for Boston, Ilya almost dies. Shane tries to cope.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,773
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80214556
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Ilya Rozanov does not make it two weeks on Zoloft before the worst side effect hits hard and fast.
or,
“Barrett, I fucked up,” he says.
“Roz?” Barrett sounds dazed.
“I fucked up,” he repeats, and he realizes how drunk he sounds. He’s in so much trouble he almost hangs up.
“Roz, what's going on,” Barrett says.
Bozhe, he’s going to have to say the words.
Now with part two, featuring buckwheat pancakes, psychiatry for millionaires, important conversations, and Troy and Ilya’s worst “your mom” joke.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,345
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79759316
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In which Shane makes the headlines, Ilya has a history of terrible bedside manners, and the line between murder and manslaughter is the razor thin edge of intent.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,286
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79294341
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They call it a Lucid Interval. A brief moment of clarity after a traumatic brain injury where the patient appears fine. Awake. Alert. Happy.
After the hit, Shane Hollander wakes up. He jokes with the nurses. He smiles at Ilya. He makes plans for the summer.
Ilya Rozanov just outed himself to the entire world on live television to save him, but he can't save him from this. Shane isn't getting better. He is dying. And these are the last conversations they will ever have.
A story about the hit, the confession, and the long, slow silence that followed.
They weren't saying goodbye to each other; Ilya was too confident that Shane would win.
Shane loved winning.
He lost, the first lost that Ilya didn't enjoy.
Because he only left Ilya to suffer more.
(finished, all done)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,162
- Chapters:
- 5/?
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77633871
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I Do Not Have Wings (Love, I Never Will) by Sea_Sea9000
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-12
Ilya told Shane's family that he talked to Scott Hunter. He didn't tell them when. Scott and Ilya and the times they met up on rooftops over the years.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,167
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77528151