1 – 15 of 15 Works in Ilya Rozanov is Shane Hollander’s Baby

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  1. “We are in hell, surely,” Ilya complains, sweat beading at his temples as he flops down on the couch beside Shane. “Why is it so hot? Is this what we get for having gay sex?” Shane fixes him with an unamused stare. “Because it’s barely 10am, and it’s already 34 degrees outside. Oh, and the AC is broken.” “I am going to kill myself.”

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  2. “You can go, y’know, if you want-“ “Ah, no. I do not want to,” Ilya interrupts. “Stay at home with my very sexy husband who is wearing his glasses, or go out to a club filled with people who are not you? The answer is very simple, Shane.” Shane rolls his eyes again, but he’s smiling as he saunters towards Ilya.

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  3. Life feels so chaotic for Shane sometimes, with all the loud noises and the unwritten rules he’s expected to follow, even though no one ever taught them to him. It’s why the bookstore feels more like home to him than anywhere else in Boston. It doesn’t ask Shane to be anything other than himself. Doesn’t ask for any more than he can give.

    He can just exist here.

    Shane likes slow, likes taking his time. And Ilya - without saying or doing anything in particular - makes Shane feel like that’s okay. Like he isn’t doing anything wrong by standing still sometimes.

    (Or, Shane works in a bookstore, Ilya plays hockey, and they both go to the same college. They fall in love in every universe.)

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  4. Ilya has always known Shane could do better than him. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s finally found it. Found someone else. Because that’s what this is, isn’t it?

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  5. Shane thinks this is probably the first - and last - time in his life that he’s ever been excited about grocery shopping. But it’s their first time doing it together, as a couple, out in public where other people can see them. Where, finally, they don’t have to pretend to be something they’re not. It’s such a small thing - insignificant to most people, probably - but it’s a luxury Shane never thought he would be allowed to have.

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  6. The pounding on the door is what jolts Shane awake. Instinctively he tries to jump to his feet and rush to get it, but a heavy weight around his torso and on top of his legs prevents him from moving. As consciousness slowly returns to him, breaking through the haze of his hangover—and possible still-drunken state—he realizes that he is being held by Rozanov. “Shane Hollander, open the door, now!” “Oh my god, oh my fucking god. Jesus fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell. That is my fucking mother.” OR After getting drunk at the 2016 NHL Awards, Shane Hollander wakes up married to Ilya Rozanov

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  7. Ilya had told Shane to leave because they needed space - they needed some room to catch their breath so they could talk about things properly. So they could say sorry and fix the mess they had made. But one day apart stretched into two, into three, into a week, and suddenly Shane was on the other end of the phone, saying, ”Maybe this isn’t going to work, Ilya.” At least Ilya is good at that part; he’s an expert in being left behind. (Or, Ilya and Shane breakup. Then the Centaurs’ plane almost crashes.)

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  8. Ilya knew, right from the very moment he met Shane Hollander, that he would never be good enough for him. He’d seemed so…pristine, when they first met. Untouched. And Ilya knew his unclean hands would only dirty him up. He’s always been selfish, though; his father used to tell him that. So it’s no surprise, really, that Shane has finally gotten tired of it. Of him, always needing more from Shane than he deserves - always begging for more than he has earned. Ilya would leave himself, too, if he could. (Or, five time Ilya thought Shane would leave, and one time he knew he wasn’t going anywhere.)

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  9. “Good,” Shane says, when he finally finds his voice. “Because I’m selfish.” Ilya laughs. “You are not selfish, sweetheart.” “I am when it comes to you,” he confesses, pulling back so he can look Ilya in the eyes. “I feel like a kid who doesn’t want to share his favourite toy.”

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  10. “You are my friend, Hayden, but he is the man I am going to spend to rest of my life with - he is the man that I love. I will choose him over you, every fucking time.” Over anything and everything, Shane would choose Ilya. Even over hockey, if it came to that. There’s no doubt in his mind, no question about it. Losing hockey would hurt, and Shane would grieve it, but it wouldn’t kill him. It would be an ache he could live with. Losing Ilya is not something that Shane could ever survive. They’re so tangled together - so intertwined - that to lose Ilya would be to lose himself.

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  11. “We’re just, well-“ Choui hedges, then glances round as if he’s looking for back up. “We’re worried that you’re a bit too controlling,” Hayes blurts out. “Of Rozanov.” Shane opens his mouth to respond, but he closes it again when he realises he has no fucking idea what to say. He’s - what?

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  12. “What were you doing?” “Oh.” A sweet flush colours Shane’s freckled cheeks, and his fingers twitch where they’re still resting on Ilya’s back. “I was just tracing your moles.” Ilya is going to die. His heart is actually going to give out on him because of this sweet, perfect man who he loves more than he knows what to do with. Who he loves more than anything in this entire world.

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  13. Ilya feels like a zombie; he’s an approximation of something living.

    He knows what this is, of course. He isn’t stupid. He was just a child when he watched the life bleed out of his mama, long before she stopped breathing. He watched her sweet smiles grow hollow, and her kind eyes fall blank. He felt her slipping through his fingertips like grains of sand in an hourglass; her time was up before Ilya had truly even realised that it was running out.

    When he looks in the mirror, he sees her staring back at him: blond hair, and blue eyes, and an emptiness that kills.

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  14. “If you ever talk about my fiancé like that again, then I will end your career.”

    The words are pure vitriol, dripping from Shane’s mouth like venom from the fangs of a snake. He doesn’t raise his voice, he doesn’t even sound angry, he just sounds lethal. Like a man you don’t want to cross. Like a man who fully intends to honour his promise…or threat.

    He’s met with stunned silence.

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  15. Ilya’s voice was trembling, a shake deep within him, and it made Shane’s heart break into a million pieces. The fact that he was struggling through something, and the language barrier was only making it worse, made him even more determined in learning Russian. “I don’t want to prove myself to the people who love you. It’s—It hurts when they see you, then look me like I don’t deserve you.” Shane makes a promise to Ilya, and it changes everything.

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