a strange door
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lonely i came, and i depart alone by Anonymous
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-31
Ilya has heard people say that suicide is a selfish act. He's heard people say it about his mother, and it used to make him furious. He’d punched Alexei for it, once, broken his nose when he said, why are you still moping over that selfish bitch, she left us without a thought, even though he knew it was his brother’s grief speaking and not his heart.
That word, selfish, made him so furious, maybe, because some small part of him believed it. Some part of himself, a part of him that he was too ashamed of to acknowledge, let alone to name, believed that his mother should have been braver. Should have been stronger. Should have fought harder to stay with him, to keep taking care of him. Would have, if she’d loved Ilya as much as she claimed to.
He knows now, now that he has Shane, that it isn’t true. He knows it is possible to love someone entirely, completely, with the purest and truest love, and for life to still be unbearable.
***
Another look at Ilya's depression in The Long Game.
- Part 1 of a strange door
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,280
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #85832251
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all that i lacked so long and loved so well by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-06-11
Because it's good news, right? That no one has told him that Ilya is— There probably would have been headlines. Or a press release. A photo of him in his jersey, smiling, two dates only twenty-eight years apart, a few lines about his career, and no listed survivors. Supportive tweets from a bunch of people in the league. Shane's team would put out a press release about the foundation and probably get a flood of donations. There would be something, if he were—
But there's nothing. There's just this void. Nothing, nothing, no sign of him. It's like Ilya has disappeared off the face of the earth.
***
Shane's point of view on the events of lonely i came, and i depart alone
- Part 2 of a strange door
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,373
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86550126
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seeing no face but his, to him i crept by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-08-23
Ilya's left hand, which had been folded onto his lap, drops to the seat of the car. Shane hopes he's interpreting the gesture correctly when he takes Ilya's hand in his own and raises them both up to his heart.
"Right here," Shane says. "This is where you belong, and it's where you'll always be." And you have nothing to be sorry for, Shane wants to say. I'm the one who should be sorry. Who will spend the rest of my life regretting every single day that I let you feel this way. But it's not time for that conversation yet. It's not time to lay any of that on Ilya. All Ilya needs right now is to know that Shane loves him, and to be taken safely home.
***
Shane brings Ilya home after his suicide attempt.
- Part 3 of a strange door
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,489
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #91142726