21 – 40 of 228 Works in Panic Attacks

  • Panic Attacks ×
  1. Yuna's breath caught. "What did you say, baby?"

    "Please." Shane's forehead was still pressed to his knee. "Please, please, please—"

    Hayden shifted closer. "Please what? Tell me what you need, Shane.”

    Then, so faint that all three of them had to lean in just to catch it. "...I need him.”

    Yuna's hand found David's. "Who, sweetheart? Who do you need?"

    “Ilya."

     

    Or: It's been a month since the tuna melts. Shane's been getting closer to breaking every day, until he finally does, in front of his parents and the Pikes. In the middle of the panic, he blurts out the only thing he needs: Ilya. So they call him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,340
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87994296
  2. After divorce and retirement, Ilya Rozanov finds himself back in Shane Hollander's orbit. It's been thirteen years since they've spoken.

    Ilya finds ways to stay.

    Shane finds ways to let him.

    Or.

    Pathetic Divorced Man Ilya Rozanov spends an increasing amount of time with his ex.

    title from even now by william fitzsimmons

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    109,442
    Chapters:
    33/33
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86097511
  3. Rozanov's iCloud was hacked and the hacker posted a video of him sucking Shane's dick

    Shane can't be identified, but he can't just ignore it

    Or: Shane leaks his own sex tape to get ahead of the hacker

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,448
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87764476
  4. Shane Hollander expected a lot out of the combine before the 2009 NHL draft: meeting the competition, impressing possible future teams and ultimately securing his spot in the NHL.

    What he didn't expect was 50 questions that were about to change his whole damn life.

    Or: How an autism diagnosis, a therapist and something magical called communication rebuild the whole trajectory of the Hollander/Rozanov saga bit by bit.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    145,044
    Chapters:
    22/22
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #83680606
  5. Things like this didn't happen to other people; Shane knew that. He’d been alive long enough to experience the confused glances and exasperated scoffs that always accompanied his discomfort with things other people didn't even notice. He would not fuck this up – not because he couldn't handle the way the sheets touched his skin. The burning of his skin spread to his eyes as his vision blurred. He squeezed his eyes shut and scrubbed his hands over his face. He would not cry. The tears fell hot and silent. They pooled at the curve of his jaw and around his chin, puddles of shame and self-contempt. Fucking breathe, he told himself, as he turned the faucet of the shower as far as it could go. He stood watching the water pool around his feet and slip down the drain until he heard Ilya stir. At first, he wasn't sure if he had really heard his name. “Shane?… Shane?” He wanted to yell back, assure Ilya everything was fine, but when he opened his mouth, only a squeak escaped. “Moya lyubov?” He cleared his throat and tried again: “In here.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,806
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87399531
  6. You are a traitor, you lied to all of them. To have teammates question him? To have years of loyalty erased in a single night? You are a fucking liar. Something twisted violently inside his chest. The first sob escaped before he realized he was crying. His vision blurred instantly. "No." His hands began shaking. "No." The container slipped. He caught it. Stared at it. The stupid fucking chicken. The stupid fucking rice. The stupid fucking vegetables. Or a canon divergence after Shane trips. It was for nothing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,677
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86842336
  7. What if Ilya has a panic attack in the locker room after getting the news of his father's death after the Winter 2017 Montreal @ Boston game and no one can figure out what is going on? What if, while scrambling for answers, Cliff Marleau has the brilliant idea to call Jane?

    Or,

    What if Shane and Ilya's deeper emotional connection begins just before Ilya leaves for his father's funeral in Russia instead of on a phone call while they are separated by oceans?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,017
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87133631
  8. “If the plums are good, we will get them,” he assures her and she smiles in relief. “Kay Daddy.” She goes back to looking at the numerous, colorful brands of cereal around them in the aisle. Shane sighs, one hand pressed against the underside of his swollen belly as a barrage of movement steals his focus momentarily. He’s so distracted by the movement of their baby within, that it takes him a second to realize the gentle presence of his daughter has disappeared from his side. He turns, so quickly that it makes his hip muscles pull uncomfortably, trying to spot her in the aisle. His heart lodges in his throat when he realizes she is no longer even in the same aisle. “Ren?” he chokes out, feet moving in the direction of the aisle’s edge, hoping to god she’s somewhere extremely nearby and he’s just missing her. The hurried waddle to the end of the aisle feels like it takes an eternity, his heart racing, sweat beading on his forehead, pulse stuttering. Fuck, what is she wearing right now? What color is her shirt? Oh, fuck, what if he has to tell the police what she was last seen in? What if he- what if she’s- -aka a pregnant shane has a scary day with their older daughter-

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,613
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86980951
  9. Until Then by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-06-14

    “Do you know this name, ‘Shane Hollander’?”
    The kid looked at Shane, chewing his lip and frowning a little, before turning back to Rozanov. “I think so, yes.”
    “Who is he?
    “Uh… a hockey player?”
    “No,” Rozanov said in a harsh, cutting tone. “He is no one. Because he is on my ice. Understand?”

    To help with his edge control, the Metros' coach recommends Shane take figure skating lessons with someone named Ilya Rozanov. Rozanov is rude, abrasive, and insists he will only teach Shane in a group class for kids. Shane, a rookie hell-bent on proving himself and unwilling to disappoint his coach, refuses to give up despite how much Rozanov tries to humiliate him each lesson.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    69,960
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #80863611
  10. when you stay by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-06-08

    shane hollander has spent the last six months learning how to survive. he did not account for how much harder it would be to learn how to live.
    __
    or, shane's pov immediately picking up from where everytime i leave left off.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,659
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85964176
  11. Shane joins Ilya on a quick trip to Moscow, which soon transforms into a nightmare. Ilya is arrested and targeted so harshly that he's not sure Russia will let him go this time.
    -
    Shane witnesses Ilya's family.
    Alexei and Ilya's relationship is explored.
    Yuna flies to Russia.
    Lots of Svetlana.
    Healing journey fluff afterwards.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    142,860
    Chapters:
    21/21
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #78329636
  12. [Edit]: I changed the title because the subtitle is too funny not to add.

    The Centaurs win the cup and celebrate late into the night. In the morning, Shane wakes up in an alternate universe - one where he never got hard in the shower and he and Ilya never hooked up.

    ------------

    And Shane, not for the first time, thinks even farther back. To that day in the showers after their CCM campaign shoot. Alone under the spray, and confronted with Ilya’s perfect body, Shane’s body reacted. And truthfully, he’s always been quick to react when it comes to Ilya.

    But to think… if he could just control his dick, none of this would have happened.

    This perfect life he’s living. Married to the man of his dreams. Living and playing in his hometown, with his parents only 10 minutes away. With his sweet puppy, Anya. Celebrating his fourth ever Stanley Cup win. All thanks to one wayward boner.

    For a wild second, Shane thinks about saying that to Wyatt.

    That’s how he knows he’s drunk.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,892
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #80771611
  13. The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

    The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

    “I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

    Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

    “Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

    Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

    -
    Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,785
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81902146
  14. After stopping Ilya from jumping off a bridge, Scott and Kip take him in. Over the next couple of weeks, they learn about the horrors Ilya has had to endure and hopefully, they can give him the safety he needs.

    *This fic is a standalone, and you don't need to read the other fics in this series

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,363
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #84357696
  15. “You handled it well. You flunked a bit the questions we had prepared, but you did well.”
    “Flunked?” Shane asked, voice pitching up as the words salted over the open wound, the infected gutting from the top of his throat down to his stomach.
    “You should have rectified and make your position clear about Scott Hunter. We don’t want you to sound like you’re antagonizing him,” Yuna added, matter-of-factly, her eyes narrowing on the knot of his tie, adjusting it like it still mattered.

    Shane’s body shook violently against his will, dislodging from under her touch. Yuna looked up, surprised by his reaction.
    Surprise that shifted to horror immediately.

    “No, that’s not what I meant–”
    “I need to–” he gasped, bringing a hand to cover his mouth, while Yuna tried to grab his arm. Any other time, he could have avoided her, but Shane was falling.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,556
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #84590841
  16. Mystery of love by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-05-17

    Shane's friends discover traces of Ilya in his life, even though Shane doesn't talk often about his husband, and Shane slowly realises that maybe, just maybe he can be open about his relationship with the greatest hockey player in the league.

    Or:
    Shane and Ilya are married, but it's just Ilya who pursued career in hockey. Shane studies at uni, hiding his romantic relationship from the whole world, but his friends are slowly learning the truth that the mysterious Lily is in fact a famous hockey player Ilya Rozanov.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,336
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #78127706
  17. The pounding on the door is what jolts Shane awake. Instinctively he tries to jump to his feet and rush to get it, but a heavy weight around his torso and on top of his legs prevents him from moving. As consciousness slowly returns to him, breaking through the haze of his hangover—and possible still-drunken state—he realizes that he is being held by Rozanov. “Shane Hollander, open the door, now!” “Oh my god, oh my fucking god. Jesus fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell. That is my fucking mother.” OR After getting drunk at the 2016 NHL Awards, Shane Hollander wakes up married to Ilya Rozanov

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,592
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #84971856
  18. "Jane" gets added to the Centaures WAGs chat shortly after Ilya moves to Ottawa. Maybe a group of girl friends is exactly what Shane needs in the face of hardship

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,356
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #84137106
  19. Shane was still trying to settle Max, cupping the back of his head, pressing him back against his chest. Body warmth, familiar scent—that was supposed to be enough. That was supposed to be some innate thing, some animalistic pull newborns had toward their parents, hardwired in them from the beginning. Shane had read that. He was pretty sure he had read that. It was probably really bad that his baby didn't have it toward him. Or, Shane is not bonding with his new baby.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,871
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #84566686
  20. Everything is fine by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-05-10

    Lately, playing hockey wasn't even as much fun as it used to be. Games were always the highlight, but even that, it didn’t feel as good since his team had been falling apart.

    And all that because he came out as gay.

    He didn’t really fault them for taking some time to accept it, so Shane let them talk. If that helped them digest the news, so be it.
    He let them distance themselves from him, let them gossip around to other teams, let them make him the butt of jokes he didn’t understand.

    Shane didn’t mind, all things considered.

    Everything was fine.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,129
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81366206
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