1 – 8 of 8 Works in Self-Hatred

  • Self-Hatred ×

  1. Mr. Facilities Tech by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • ?

    2026-08-12

    Ilya was barely back from the World Juniors and had barely met Shane Hollander when his hockey career was taken from him. He was so close to escaping everything in Russia, only to be caught by his brother, ruined by his father, and forced to marry Svetlana to escape.

    Now he's finally on his own, with his shitty studio apartment, his shitty job as a facilities tech in the Raider's Stadium, and his overall shitty life. Nothing could get worse from here, and he has no reason to think it'll get better. Until he runs into Shane fucking Hollander while smoking behind a club, maybe he could get a second chance with the man he's been secretly crushing on for years?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    101,090
    Chapters:
    14/16
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #83603761

  2. I Was Sick of Me by

    Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-06-24

    You are a traitor, you lied to all of them. To have teammates question him? To have years of loyalty erased in a single night? You are a fucking liar. Something twisted violently inside his chest. The first sob escaped before he realized he was crying. His vision blurred instantly. "No." His hands began shaking. "No." The container slipped. He caught it. Stared at it. The stupid fucking chicken. The stupid fucking rice. The stupid fucking vegetables. Or a canon divergence after Shane trips. It was for nothing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,677
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86842336

  3. headfirst into shallow pools by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-02-24

    Shane returns from the showers to find the locker room far more animated than when he left it. Everyone has their phones out, and when he sees Shane coming, JJ says, “Câlisse, Hollander, about fucking time! Ilya Rozanov got caught kissing a man.”

    After the tuna melt debacle, but before Rose, Ilya makes the reckless decision to go to a gay bar to take his mind off of Shane. When photographs get published, Shane has a realization and devises a plan: he's going to ask Ilya Rozanov to marry him.

    Ilya's going through enough without things he can't have being dangled in front of him. He needs to figure out a different way to avoid going home, because eventually Shane Hollander will realize what Ilya already knows: Ilya isn't worth what Shane wants to do for him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    37,280
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77362561

  4. to the tempo of your uptight (he flickers through your damage) by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-01-29

    It didn’t really click for Shane until his boyfriend nearly broke down their steel-inforced bathroom door to get to him; Something Is Wrong With Ilya.

    or: Ilya goes off the deep end. Shane doesn’t realize he’s already down there with him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,429
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #78552791

  5. Everyone Loves a Losing Dog by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-01-09

    Three times Ilya was definitely not jealous about Rose Landry, and one time he didn't have to be. (3+1)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,522
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77312411

  6. Cumbersome and heavy body by

    Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • ✓

    2026-01-08

    God, he was having a freak out and it was gonna be a bad one. “I can’t do this I can’t do this. I can’t I can’t. why?! I can’t! I can’t.” Shane was sobbing. He could breathe he couldn’t hear. His whole body was burning. Not like on fire, but it was tingling. Like an energy was trying to escape him from all directions. Like anxiety was trying to seep out of every pore in his skin. Or Shane has a really bad meltdown during a game.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,331
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77324576

  7. Something New and Something Old by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-01-08

    Both Shane and Ilya had gotten concussions before. It was part of being a hockey player, but neither of them had ever woken up thinking they were seventeen. Of course, Shane had to change that.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,560
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #76764096

  8. Marry Me? by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2025-12-30

    Before Ilya can bite out a teasing remark at his state, Hollander starts to speak in a jumble of words that seem like they’ve been on the verge of spilling out for a long time. “Don't marry her, Ilya." Hollander says desperately, now using the hold they had on each other for balance just a moment ago, to keep Ilya from running away. “Please, don’t marry her.” “Hollander?” Ilya says the name dumbly, at a loss for how to answer. -- Marrying Svetlana seems like the obvious solution to the growing pile of problems in Ilya's life. It's not like Hollander would care since he's dating one of the biggest movie stars in the world. Right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,303
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #76719536