1 – 20 of 29 Works in Shane Hollander Has Panic Attacks
- Shane Hollander Has Panic Attacks ×
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At some point between getting home and finding the mess in the kitchen, Shane calls the police and his parents in quick succession.
He doesn’t remember those phone calls at all. Blocked them from his memory the second they were over—doesn’t know what he said, what his mother replied—what the operator on the other end of the line asked him.
The only proof he has of ever placing the calls is the record of them in his phone—neatly stacked over-on-another. 911 right below Mom.
Below that, a series of phone calls to Ilya (husband), some barely even twenty seconds long, just short little I love you’s and what juice did you say you wanted from the store’s. Shane actually has to scroll for a while before he finds any other number in his call log.
If Shane were to add all of that data into an excel sheet he’d have proof that Ilya took up about 90% of his call records and yet it doesn’t feel like enough.
or the Hollywood amnesia + presumed dead fic nobody asked for- Part 3 of my moon my man
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,812
- Chapters:
- 4/?
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #83300961
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I'm Not Lookin' For Somebody With Some Superhuman Gifts by nefarioushan
Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-10-08
--- SHANE ➥ We can resign the paperwork in your name. ➥ I mean, you could pick a new car, but there's hardly any place for another one, unless you get rid of yours. I have some contacts with car dealers in the area. I doubt it you want a Jeep, though? ILYA ➥ hmmmmm ➥ if i say i want a porsche will you buy me porsche SHANE ➥ A sports one? No. They drive too fast. ➥ But a regular one, sure. What colour? ILYA ➥ well my main concern was that they cost as much as a fucking house baby, but ➥ orange? SHANE ➥ I can look around. ILYA ➥ wait no ➥ no ➥ shane ➥ dont --- or: a year into dating, ilya and his daughter move in with shane, and a long week of fuck-ups and bad luck follows.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 59,272
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #84673001
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one is not like the other by Tizniz
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-10-07
Shane watches as Ilya laughs brightly, shaking his head despite the person on the other end of the phone being unable to hear him. He responds with the same jovial tone that is being sent in his direction, the words still a chirp as is usual between hockey players, but spoken with a lighthearted teasing laced throughout it. There’s no hunched shoulders, tense jaw, dropped gaze. Ilya is the opposite, sprawled across the couch, phone held in a loose grip, the speaker phone creating a bit of echo but not interacting with the quality of the call. One would think that Ilya is talking to someone he adores, like Svetlana, or maybe even Shane when they’re playing the latest NHL video game, battling against each other. It definitely doesn’t sound like any conversation Shane has ever had with one of his own teammates.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,429
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #94169076
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Shane Hollander is worried about everyone and everything.
Ilya is mostly just sick of air travel.
Or:
Shane and Ilya are having trouble balancing their very private relationship and their very public lives.A slice of life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 109,256
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 4 versions
- AO3:
- #76866546
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you see through my eyes (‘cause you live in my brain) by niamhhhn
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-08-22
Ilya’s voice dimmed, “Shane, what’s going on? Are you okay?” he sounded eager, but also sounded like that he would wait years if Shane even gave him one word in return. Shane aggressively shook his head, the hum only growing. “I need to-“ No. No, this wasn’t happening. He wouldn’t let this happen. Shane slowly sunk down to the kitchen floor, feeling the nooks in the drawers of the counters scratch against his back while his eyes shut tightly. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t a fucking baby. Shane was strong. And he was strong enough to make this stop. OR: Shane Hollander experiences a meltdown infront of Ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,165
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #91139036
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One side of his brain is going: this is insane, don't do this, just stay in this room, what can he do? Whether you like it or not, he's hurt you, and chances are you've hurt him too, because you can't read a situation for shit, so what are we trying to do here? Get some fucking sleep instead.
The other side of his brain is going: He's hurt you, and you've probably hurt him too, and what if this is your only chance to talk about it? What if Paris makes the difference?
Five months after Sochi, Shane's set to play a charity hockey game in Paris. So is Ilya.
They run into each other in the lobby of their hotel the night before. Twelve hours stretch out in front of them, and Ilya suggests something different: no phones, no expectations, no past, no hockey. Just the city, and whatever they can be when nobody else is watching.
It's obviously a terrible idea, but Shane says yes, anyway.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 75,690
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #84075556
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Turn The Other Cheek by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-08-11
“I turned the other cheek every fucking time. I still got tossed on my ass the second I went too far over the line, and threatened by the commissioner, and told to kill myself on just about every social media platform because my nightmare that I’d get outed came true. And you, after everything you did, got to come out to a supportive team and fans, get a slap on the wrist, and have your happy fucking ending.”
Or:
An exploration of Shane Hollander's struggle against racism and homophobia in hockey, and how others come to understand it
- Part 1 of Shane Hollander Deserves The World
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,365
- Chapters:
- 4/5
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #84085051
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Sober or Not, It’s Always You by shanebug_2481
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-07-11
The room tilted slightly, and Shane’s throat was raw. He swayed there a moment, scanning the spinning room for somewhere to steady himself – for Haas or Dykstra. Ilya had been right; he should have slowed down, stayed with his teammates. He hadn't listened, and now he was alone, 2 Moscow Mules and 3 shots deep, stuck at the bar and lost in a sea of people. Shane just wanted his husband. The alcohol hadn't done anything to soften the effects of the music and lights encircling him. He felt trapped – suffocated – like his skin was fusing itself to his stiff muscles. The room spun faster, and the Canadian wasn't convinced he was standing upright anymore. His heart pounded in his ears as the music rattled his ribcage once more, an insatiable itch beckoning his blunt fingernails. He wanted to scream. He wanted to rip his hair out. He wanted to tear his clothes off. He wanted Ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,157
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #88341231
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You are a traitor, you lied to all of them. To have teammates question him? To have years of loyalty erased in a single night? You are a fucking liar. Something twisted violently inside his chest. The first sob escaped before he realized he was crying. His vision blurred instantly. "No." His hands began shaking. "No." The container slipped. He caught it. Stared at it. The stupid fucking chicken. The stupid fucking rice. The stupid fucking vegetables. Or a canon divergence after Shane trips. It was for nothing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,677
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86842336
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“And that’s why you’re our favourite son.” Shane manages to hide his flinch, just barely, and mostly because Ilya is being pulled into a hug by Yuna. Shane bites the inside of his cheek as he watches the way his husband and mom embrace so easily.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,310
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #86188206
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5 times Yuna Hollander is there for Shane, and 1 time Ilya Rozanov is.
“You know, you used to say that the noise of fireworks or the ocean scared your ears,” she says softly, smiling at the fond memory.
“I'm not scared,” Shane grunts defensively.
His shoulders are tense and his jaw is clenched. Yuna sighs. “I didn't say you were,” she reassures.
- Part 3 of HR 5 + 1
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,636
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82552501
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Before practice, Shane is caught off guard by the devastating news of an abrupt plane crash that took the lives of five Raiders players, including Ilya's. Unable to explain his grief to those closest to him, he retreats into himself, becoming a ghost of the person they loved until he's pushed to the brink of his own unmanageable pain.
---
“The Raiders Plane Crashed,” was what he had heard in the locker room. From Comeau, specifically.
Shane was pretty sure he kept talking, but if he was being honest, he didn’t hear anything past that. He just stared at his teammate’s lips moving, no sound seeming to reach his ears aside from the heavy thudding of his own heartbeat in them. There was this urge to snatch the phone out of his hand and read the news article for himself growing as the locker room managed to warp around him. But he couldn’t move, fear paralyzing him.
“You alright?” Hayden questioned, his voice tearing through the sharp silence his mind had forced upon him.
Shane flinched as he felt his friends hand on his shoulder, the sudden contact making him even more ill to his stomach. He didn’t dare try to nod or lie and say he was.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,067
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82234791
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When a poorly timed phone call and an open window leads Shane's parents to a massive misunderstanding, he's stuck pretending he's still dating Rose. Which works fine for a month, until Ilya's jealousy starts to flare and Shane's parents witness a fight entirely different from the one they have on the ice.
---
"See? Shane's probably just in the kitchen,” Yuna murmured softly, putting her purse down on the side table beside the door. “Maybe he’s—”“Okay, you were maybe telling me the truth,” a voice suddenly called, cutting her off before she could finish her sentence. “At least partially.”
Yuna frowned, the deep, accented voice catching her off guard. Before she could piece together where she recognized the voice from, though, she saw Ilya Rozanov walking through her son’s apartment. He was barefoot, his hair slightly damp and his clothes casual. Sweatpants and a white T-shirt that clung to him after a shower.
From the kitchen, David heard his sons’ voice ring out, too. “What do you mean partially?” Shane responded, gesturing at his phone as Ilya showed him something on it. “That’s exactly what I told you.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,907
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82080701
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The Distance Between Us by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-30
Ilya Rozanov has spent ten years circling Shane Hollander. Ten years of hotel rooms and secret phone calls. Ten years of pretending he doesn't feel it, doesn't need it, doesn't wake up reaching for someone who's already gone. Ten years convincing himself he's not good enough. That he's not worth it.
Then a plane needs to make an emergency landing near Montreal, and Yuna Hollander is on it.
So when Shane calls him from a bathroom floor, unable to breathe, Ilya stops pretending.
After five hundred miles of frozen highway, three and a half hours of driving like a man possessed, a hospital waiting room full of people who have every reason to hate him, and a boy who looks at him like he's something worth keeping, Ilya may have learned a thing or two about what it means to be loved—and to let himself love freely.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 104,414
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #81207291
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They were once the greatest MLH draft prospects in the world - number one and two, in whatever order came to be on the day. But life had other plans, and all it took was a few weeks in ‘09 to see both Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander become nothing more than hypotheticals and statistical what-ifs deep in reddit threads and hockey chatrooms.
But still, their paths were destined to cross when Ilya took his daughter to her first skating lesson.
// Single dad!Ilya x Kids Hockey coach!Shane
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 61,116
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76686026
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Ilya didn’t know what to do. he reached out to touch Shane’s shoulder and the other flinched so hard that he hit his elbow into the corner of the side table. “okay.. okay. no touching, that’s fine. hey. let’s sit, okay ? Shane ? let’s sit down.” without touching, he managed to get Shane sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. Ilya sat opposite him, a safe distance away. the Canadian didn’t say anything. he hummed into the silence and pinched at his forearms to try and ground himself. ---- Shane Hollander has had diagnosed autism since he was a child but has never told anyone, not even Ilya. What happens when he's had a long day and has a meltdown for the first time in front of him ?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,473
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79225366
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Shane punishes himself after the Voyageurs lose a game. Ilya saves him from himself. Shane liked to punish himself. He liked order. Rules. And when all of his strategic planning didn’t go his way, he punished himself. It was the only way to repent. It was one of the rules. Tonight, the Voyageurs had lost. Shane was the Captain, so it was his fault. Another reason for his punishments was Shane’s reaction to things that were out of his control or did not go according to plan. He tended to spiral, which also made him angry at himself. He should be able to handle things like a normal person, by bending instead of breaking. However, he’s never been like that, as far back as he can remember. Tonight, after his subsequent spiral after the game, his punishment is a cold shower. A freezing shower. He sits in the bottom of the walk-in shower at the Montreal apartment building he rents out, the one he usually meets with Ilya at. He didn’t deserve to go back to his real home. He’s been sitting here for a while, staring at nothing and letting the cold pellets of water pelt him over and over. He can barely feel it anymore. “Hollander. Shane.” A voice says. Shane looks over, through the glass door. Oh. Ilya is here. The shower door opens and he reaches in, then recoils when the water hits his arm. “Hollander, this water is freezing!” Ilya looks horrified. He hurriedly turns the handle to off and cups Shane’s cheek. “Why are you in freezing shower?” His palm is big and warm, and Shane doesn’t deserve it. However, he’s also not quite present enough to resist. He also hasn’t found his words quite yet. They’re locked up tight somewhere between his brain and his mouth. Ilya’s hand smoothes his soaked, chilly hair back. “How long have you been here?” He asks. Shane doesn’t answer, he can’t. Ilya pulls him up gently by his elbows and tugs him out of the shower. Shane can’t be bothered to be embarrassed by his nakedness, besides, they’ve seen each other nude and in compromising positions many times by now. A fluffy towel is grabbed off the hook on the wall and wrapped around Shane. Then a smaller one is used to scrub his hair. Ilya wraps his arms around him after, pulling him tight into his chest even though he’s still wet and freezing. Shane shivers violently against him. “Is okay. Is okay now.” Ilya murmurs. He pulls Shane out into the bedroom gently by the hand. Sits him down. Takes the spare clothes out of the closet and dresses him in them with care. Socks. Boxer briefs. Sweatpants. A plain t-shirt and then a hoodie. Shane doesn’t think he deserves any of it. He’s not sure if he finished his punishment sufficiently. Ilya kneels back down in front of him and rests careful palms on his knees. “Hollander.” Shane looks at him. “You should not ever do that again.” Ilya doesn’t understand that he has to. He gets up and Shane can hear him moving around the kitchen. He stays put, staring down at his socks. Ilya returns with a blender bottle filled with water and one of Shane’s electrolyte packets. He shakes it overzealously and then hands it to Shane. “Drink.” Shane drinks it diligently. He doesn’t want to disappoint Ilya more than he already has. He’s already been so bad today, he can do something right.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,263
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78124326
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Ilya gave Shane the ugliest fucking orange lamp as a well-meaning gift. Now Shane wants it gone, just like how the man who gave it to him is.
Set during The Long Game, with Ilya unable to contact Shane after the emergency landing. Shane believes he's dead, spirals, and then smashes some lamps.
This wasn’t meant to be taken seriously but it took a turn and I was powerless to stop it.- Part 2 of Lovely Lights
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,181
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76919966
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What kind of role model can't handle a little bit of pressure? * Shane has a bad day, leading to a meltdown. Ilya helps pick up the pieces.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,287
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77521141
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I could marry Svetlana. A noise built in his head. A steady, growing sound—and the more he thought about what had just happened, the harder it became to hear anything else. Another rush of noise pulsed behind his eyes. He twisted the tap to icy cold and splashed his face—the same water he’d praised not long ago, feeling sheepish and suddenly not knowing what to say. But they didn’t need words anymore. He’d thought so. His head felt ready to burst. He cupped a handful of water and poured it over his neck, gasping involuntarily. He stood there wet and shaking, water soaking through his shirt. He hated it. He hated how sticky it felt, how it clung to his burning skin—hated it as much as he’d hated that godawful ad shoot where they kept pouring water over him and touching him — “Shane?” Ilya’s voice cut through the noise, both in his head and through the bathroom door. Leave me alone. “Shane, are you okay?” Please leave me alone. Please do it now so it doesn’t hurt later.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,391
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77448806