1 – 20 of 328 Works in Crack Treated Seriously

  • Crack Treated Seriously ×

  1. The Fifth Cup by

    Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T

    2026-10-27

    The morning after Shane wins his third MLH Cup Finals, the newspapers should read, "Montreal Wins MLH Championship," or "Voyageurs Win Three Cups in Four Years," or even "Shane Fucking Hollander Does It Again." Instead, after a long night of partying that Shane really, honestly, doesn't remember very much, the headlines read something different.

    When Shane wakes up to the headline "Shane Hollander Outs Fellow MLH Captain?" he almost pukes. He's ruined everything and put Ilya at risk of persecution by Russia ... except, has he? Because apparently all he said was that there was another queer MLH captain, not who it was.

    As the social media witch hunt begins and things spiral out of control, the general public knows one thing to be true: there's no way Ilya Rozanov is involved.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,905
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #95411756

  2. Dude, You're a Boyfriend by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-10-27

    After tuna melts and their first night actually sleeping together, Ilya asks Shane for more. Shane agrees, not knowing that this was Ilya's way of asking him out.

    Comination of written fic and texting fic.

    The text scrolls!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    66,463
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85080836

  3. Incompletely Straight Forward Skillets by

    Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

    2026-10-26

    Ilya gets added to the Metros WAG chat. That is not the only thing that goes awry.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,727
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #92132491

  4. shot at the night by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • E

    2026-10-25

    @ russianbear clove 

     roz is so fucking funny man had two seconds to process and he spent them thinking about how to get that ass

    @ icemenace Ro - he's so real

    @ shaneybugbug Libby - oh he's been WAITING for this 

    @ iwant81 Abbie - he was so obviously joking oh my god 

    @ russianbear clove  - ummmm i don't think so

    @ iwant81 Abbie - rozanov likes girls english just isn't his first language so he accidentally made it look like something you freaks are taking advantage of

    @ russianbear clove - so he's joking or it was an accident??? Istg at least chose one

     

    or - Shane Hollander comes out and Ilya loses his mind

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    92,099
    Chapters:
    26/31
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82614141

  5. #HORSEKILLER by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • G
    • ✓

    2026-10-25

    Charity is a major component of the core values that make up the Ottawa Centaurs franchise. After a few rookies learn about the dire situations faced by sick and elderly horses without owners, the team decides to publicly support the work being done at a local horse rescue and sanctuary.

    The only problem is that every horse Ilya Rozanov takes a photograph with dies days later. People notice.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,103
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #95348341

  6. O-Town's Fillies: Valentine's Redux. by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-10-23

    Shane H-R

    He wouldn’t be able to fuck you in the waders?

    They fasten over the shoulder, right?

    And I assume to stay watertight there’s no fly situation?


    Cassie B

    Captain Harlot over here thinking about wader sex logistics


    Ilya H-R

    Sweetheart, should I get waders?

    Another WAG chat, another Valentine's Day - but this time, both husbands are in the group.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,620
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #95287146

  7. for the good of the team by

    Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-10-23

    “What the fuck are you doing?” Rozanov shouts, which is just insulting. He’s mourned three of his teammates and now she’s tackling him in his bedroom.

    Obviously Jackie’s here to kill him, but he’s looking her dead in the eyes and still can’t see a murderer. Talk about a stereotype.

    Or: Jackie Pike’s a serial killer making her way through Boston’s roster. Ilya Rozanov is harder to kill than she expected.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,912
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #95225191

  8. not "your' anything by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • M

    2026-10-22

    SHANE: Lily.
    LILY: Hello
    SHANE: Dead to me.
    What the actual fuck?
    LILY: ??
    SHANE: what. The. Hell. Did. You. Do.
    LILY: ahh
    I am in trouble
    Yes?

     
    Or Ilya's teammates add "Jane" to the Boston WAG group chat in the height of their "no, we aren't falling in love, whatever do you mean" era (2014-2016-ish?).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    72,113
    Chapters:
    31/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81424231

  9. #RazeYourStandards by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-10-19

    Mere minutes after the Montreal Voyageurs announce their captain, and most adored man in all of Canada, is being benched, local group chats have lit up brighter than an unregulated aftermarket headlight on a lifted truck. Will homophobia be defeated by the only thing more powerful in the world of sports; alcoholic uncles who totally could've gone pro if they didn't pull a muscle right before the scouts showed up for Juniors?

    Or

    The city of Montreal riots over Shane Hollander being benched after the FanMail leak.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,596
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #94964876

  10. waking up in vegas by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-10-18

    "You've been dating for years," Hayden quickly clarifies, "and at no point did you think it would be a good idea to come up with some kind of plan for if this happened. You ghost everyone when you see each other. Half the time I don't know if you're alive or dead, and you still couldn't find ten minutes out of your busy schedules to figure out a contingency plan?"

    "Big word." Ilya grins. "Have you been reading dictionary?"

    "We weren't planning on getting married in Vegas," Shane points out when Hayden passes him on his lap around the bed. His eyes briefly flick to the TV. "Or coming out with such a spectacle. Obviously."

    No matter how many times he'd turned it over, how many times he'd painstakingly played out every worst case scenario, he'd still never landed remotely close to what the reality had turned out to be: Hayden Pike pacing circles around their penthouse suite as he and Ilya hide from the rest of the world.

    Or Shane and Ilya get drunk married in Vegas. Their friends try and keep their secret while they hole up in a hotel room.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,534
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #94958261

  11. lily's hit list by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • T

    2026-10-18

    Scott Hunter is out. Surely this means it's safe for other players to come out now too, right?

    or: finding community in a group of gay hockey players who have all hooked up with the same person, continued. (a sequel to just his type)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,296
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #89899196

  12. Mr. Real Estate by

    Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M

    2026-10-14

    It’s Ilya who brings it up. He’s in his kitchen, making himself some kind of soup that Shane is already searching for recipes of—it’s called rassolnik. Leaning with one hip against the counter, he asks, “What about your sex dungeon?”

    “I don’t have a sex dungeon,” Shane says, both grossed out and intrigued by the idea.

    “The apartment, moya lyubov,” Ilya replies, fondness sheathed in annoyance. He slurps loudly, laughing when Shane makes a face at him over their video call. “What will you do with the apartment?”

    “Sell it, maybe.”

    --

    Or, Shane doesn't sell the secret-sex-apartment building. He starts renting it out, and somehow ends up with a gaggle of Russian tenants-turned-friends, several stray cats, and one very spoiled hamster.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,243
    Chapters:
    9/11
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #79893266

  13. The Ultimate Cozy Exile by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • G
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-10-11

    “You dropped out of college!” Svetlana repeated as she threw her hands up. “You had two semesters left in Boston! You were top of your program! You talked about moving to New York, opening your own firm, taking over the world—and now your big life ambition is sitting on a plush couch in the Canadian tundra waiting for Mr. Real Estate to finish his stock trades?”

    Ilya laid his fork down with a deliberate clink against the ceramic plate. He rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward, his blue eyes sharp and terrifyingly clear.

    “Sveta,” he began, his tone dropping into that familiar, authority. “In Boston, I woke up at six every morning to run in the freezing rain. I spent eight hours in lectures surrounded by rich idiots who thought they were geniuses because their dads bought a building. I spent four hours every night memorizing financial models I already knew how to build in my sleep, just so some eighty-year-old professor could give me a checkmark on a piece of paper. The point is, why would I fight the world when I can just enjoy the simple pleasures of life? I spent my whole life surviving. Shanya gave me a place where I don’t have to.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,154
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #94085611

  14. Beauty is in the Eye of Ilya Rozanov by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • M
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-10-11

    Ilya Rozanov is so excited about his new beautiful pup Anya! Except Ilya is blinded by his excitement. Anya is a bit weird looking, okay maybe she's kinda scary looking. Shane adjusts to life with a new dog and makes it his mission to protect Ilya from the truth about Anya.

    Excerpt:

    Unknown Number:

    Please you have to take her back, I can't sleep with her creepy humanlike eyes staring at me.

    [Close up image of a dog's face]

    She looks like one of the puppets from The Labyrinth. I had night terrors about that movie as a kid.

    Harris:

    Who is this? Why do you have Anya?

    Unknown Number:

    Seriously name your price, lie to Ilya and tell him you found her old family and take her away please🙏

    Harris:

    I don't know who you are but I'm calling Rozanov and maybe the police. This is creepy. Who are you???

    Unknown Number:

    This is Jane. Ilya's partner. Please. I'm desperate. I wouldn’t have reached out otherwise.

    Harris
    AS IN MONTREAL JANE??? ROZ'S MYSTERY GIRL!!

    I have soooo many questions for you!!!!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    41,006
    Chapters:
    15/15
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #91799521

  15. Lazy by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-10-10

    -----
    A shoulder injury sees Ilya retire two years before his husband. Too much time on his hands means Ilya falls down the well-trodden path of too much childhood trauma leading to a lot of therapy leading to becoming a stand-up comedian.
    -----

    LAZY • 1 hour of comedy by Ilya ROZANOV

    ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - ‘Highly entertaining.’

    ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - ‘Very funny, surprisingly insightful.’

    ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - ‘Queer, loud and very, very funny.’

    ⭐️ - ‘Technically competent show but extremely arrogant and somewhat debauched.’

    -----
    That leads to both another round of laughter and a cheer. On stage, Ilya grins.

    “Yes, but I knew even then that staying in Russia was maybe a very bad idea. Because queer and Russian is recipe for very traditional Russian tragedy, yes? Which, generally speaking, are not good.” Ilya holds up a hand, counting on his fingers. “Napoleonic Wars, Stalingrad, Chernobyl, getting caught sucking cock with your Coach’s son. All of these would be bad, no? Very high body counts, probably.”

    There’s a lot of laughter now. In the front row, Svetlana wipes at her eyes, shoulders shaking.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,284
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #94265106

  16. Jane Rated You by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-10-08

    “What the fuck is this?”

    “Ahhh, is where I can see all my ratings and reviews from rides I’ve given,” Ilya said, winked, “rides on my dick.”

    Shane blinked at him. “What.”

    “Is silly app,” Ilya said, turned the phone back to himself, and then clicked into Svetlana’s latest review - just the preview of it in which it showed she’d given him five stars and a tip, as well as leaving a photo - and then turned the phone back to Shane. “My friend made for me as silly present. Sometimes I share with people I fuck, and they rate me. Is funny.”

    This is a silly fic that takes itself seriously. Ilya has a app to rate him in bed, and Shane is mad, horny, and also going to fill out his ride reviews every single time with dedication and focus.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    259,336
    Chapters:
    36/36
    Files:
    3 versions
    AO3:
    #88653956

  17. That Time a Witch Turned Ilya into a Dog by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-10-07

    Shane, Ilya, and Rose all happen to be wishing for semi-related things at the exact moment a drunk witch wanders into the club bathroom, which is how Ilya ends up as a dog for the night

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,716
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #94168926

  18. Jane Has Been Added To The Chat by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • M
    • ?

    2026-10-07

    Penelope (Dill)
    Omg get on with it, Cass!

    Cassie (Bood)
    Thank you
    Now, we must behave ourselves, ladies
    We have royalty in our midst

    Arden (Pointy)
    What the hell are you on about, Cassie?

    Cassie (Bood) has added Jane (Rozy) to the conversation

    Jane (Rozy)
    Uhh
    What is this?
    ______________
    or; "Jane" gets added to the Ottawa WAGs chat after Ilya drunkenly tells his teammates about "her"
    or or; Shane Hollander in his WAG era

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,991
    Chapters:
    18/20
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85301686

  19. unknowingly knowing by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • M

    2026-10-06

    - Marlow Has Added Jane to the Conversation -

    Marlow: Please don't tell Roz

    Jane: O.O

     

    - Hayden Has Added Lily to the Conversation -

    Lily: What the fuck is this?

    Hayden: Oh-

     

    I do not give permission for this work to be used or published elsewhere, even changed to work with a different shipping or fandom.
    I do not give permission for this work to be changed through the use of AI/ChatGPT.
    Any show of this will be reported.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    62,286
    Chapters:
    58/60
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #78582891

  20. Not a coincidence. He's just like this. by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-10-05

    TMZ and half of the tabloids are certain it’s only a matter of time before Ilya Rozanov gets too drunk and drops a good old-fashioned salacious cheating scandal right into their hands.
    Fortunately for TMZ, Ilya Rozanov does get too drunk. Unfortunately for TMZ, what follows is exactly the opposite of what they were hoping for.
    -----
    Ilya is sitting opposite Marleau, right at the center of a crowded mass of Raider's players. His phone buzzes and he looks down with a grin. Ilya taps open the message then bites his lip, eyes bright.

    A cheer goes up from all sides, feet stamping against the floorboards.

    “What?” Ilya looks up and glares about him. “Fuck off. You are all much more ugly than Hollander. Do not be acting like this.”

    Hammersmith grins. “What you looking at us like that for, hey Rozy?”

    “Yeah, c’mon man. Had to be done, right?” says Connors.

    Ilya raises his eyebrows.

    Marleau leans forward and grins. He gestures at Rozy’s phone. “Little game to see how long before we caught you fucking gazing at your phone with your fucking Montreal girl fucking face, Rozy. Gotta appreciate it again, brother. Now we really know what we’re looking at, yeah?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,646
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #93977676
  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. …
  5. 17
  6. Next →