1 – 15 of 15 Works in Suicidal Ideation
- Suicidal Ideation ×
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They got to the bed before Hollander got weird again-
"What?" Ilya asked. "You are pregnant and is mine?"
"What?" Hollander shot back, his eyebrows lifting. He let out a single laugh, and shook his head. "No. Shut up. I'm trying to - What? No. I just. Wanted to, uh, ask something."
"Okay?" Ilya looked around as if he might find the reason Hollander was not just asking already, written on the door or something. "So ask? You want new position?"
For a moment Hollander didn't respond, was staring at the crumpled bedspread between them, his jaw working slightly, an easy tell Ilya didn't think Hollander knew about, that he was chewing on the inside of his lips. Sometimes when they kissed Hollander's mouth was tangy with blood.
"I wanted to," Hollander said, slow and even, "ask. If this was our last time hooking up, what would you want to do?"A fic in which both Shane and Ilya consider themselves the dogs that are about to be put down, and act accordingly.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,128
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #94575111
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the devil in his veins longing for tenderness by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-10-22
Ilya wakes up in the early afternoon, in his underwear, with a dry mouth, a crick in his neck, and loud, incessant banging. It takes him longer than he is proud to admit to realize that it’s coming from his front door. He gets up and immediately regrets it. His living room is a mess and the light coming in from the window makes him wince. He does not want to clean today. What he had wanted was a rare, quiet night. Maybe text Hollander to rile him up after his loss the day before. Instead, Marly insisted on coming home with him after his girlfriend dumped him, so he could drown his sorrows. He remembers making some questionable choices after that, and if the state of the house is any indication, he is right.
Oh, that fucker. What did he forget here?
“Marly, you fucking asshole, I swear if you don’t stop—” Fuck. His head. How much did he drink last night? “Couldn’t you wait until practice tomorrow to get—” He opens the door. A small child is looking up at him.
Or: The day before the Tuna Melt Ilya Rozanov finds a child at his door.
- Part 1 of The Devil in His Veins
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,891
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #89995016
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It was a Friday when the video dropped.
“What is happening?” He asked St Simon, who was holding his phone tight to his chest, his expression odd. “Someone has died?”
Across the room he could see Marlow moving slowly upright from where he had been doing floor stretches, his phone in his hand as well, his face pinched.
“It’s Hollander,” St Simon said.
The bottom of Ilya’s stomach fell out, closely followed by the rest of Ilya’s organs. His chest hurt so acutely that he thought he must be having a heart attack.
“Not dead,” St Simon added quickly, reaching out to grab Ilya’s shoulder when Ilya’s knees actually buckled. “Jesus, sorry. I should have - no it’s just -”
“Someone tell me what the fuck is going on,” Ilya snapped, “and everyone else shut up.”
Marlow reached him now, held his phone out to Ilya, open already to an article with a headline huge enough Ilya could easily make out the HOLLANDER blaring out of it even before his eyes focused and he took the phone from Marlow.
A video is posted online, for Shane it feels like a death sentence. For some parts of him, it is.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 73,245
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #88103846
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“What the fuck is this?”
“Ahhh, is where I can see all my ratings and reviews from rides I’ve given,” Ilya said, winked, “rides on my dick.”
Shane blinked at him. “What.”
“Is silly app,” Ilya said, turned the phone back to himself, and then clicked into Svetlana’s latest review - just the preview of it in which it showed she’d given him five stars and a tip, as well as leaving a photo - and then turned the phone back to Shane. “My friend made for me as silly present. Sometimes I share with people I fuck, and they rate me. Is funny.”
This is a silly fic that takes itself seriously. Ilya has a app to rate him in bed, and Shane is mad, horny, and also going to fill out his ride reviews every single time with dedication and focus.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 259,336
- Chapters:
- 36/36
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #88653956
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He'd made it halfway through writing the first note before it felt suddenly far too pathetic. Was this seriously the legacy he wanted to leave behind? No one would talk about any of his wins if he killed himself now. He would be the failed Russian team captain of the 2014 Olympics who couldn't handle the job and offed himself about it. His father would probably follow him in death just to yell at him for embarrassing the family, and Russia, and everyone who had ever rooted for him.
And when he had been made captain in Boston, he had promised his Bears he would get them a cup. He couldn't just leave without doing that. Didn't want to leave and let people think he was a liar, or that he just gave up when things got hard, lazy, useless, stupid boy.
He tore up the note he'd begun, and began his second plan instead.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 41,394
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #92089516
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Shappicly-Shappo OP
Fair question! I didn’t go looking for them or anything. Doing some side work for a local moving company (just boring documentation thank god. I’m much too frail for manual labor!!!) and according to my boss it was left behind by a client ‘‘forever ago” and was never claimed. Knowing him that probably means they didn’t deliver it a decade ago and the client never called looking for it. They were doing a big storeroom clean out and were just going to toss it, so I thought I’d snag it!imhavingabadtime_0158
So, you just picked up a bunch of old journals you couldn’t read? Didn’t you say you just started grad school? Girl, are you not busy enough????Or Ilya loses his old journals in the move to Ottawa.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 77,662
- Chapters:
- 19/?
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #84645881
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“I know you said you couldn’t do this week,” a woman was yelling from outside, “but I have to take an extra shift, and Magda is away. Ilya! Are you th-” She paused upon finally stepping inside, a colourful backpack hanging over her shoulder and a bag in her hand. “Oh.” Shane could hear Rozanov scrambling behind him, probably wiping his stomach off and pulling his clothes out of their rumpled sex state, before he stepped into view of the door. The small child who had been staring at Shane with her gigantic blue eyes turned at the movement, and her face split into a wide grin. “Papa!” Picking up right after the tuna melt scene Shane is confronted with Ilya Rozanov's secret child, a move that everyone except for the child is embarrassed and awkward about.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 59,628
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #85380606
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His body did this chore for him - taking a beating, painfully building muscles - and in reward he got his father’s approval. In much lesser reward he also got his mama’s worry, which, while he loved her care, he wished she would worry less. Wished she could see that he knew the way the world worked and he could fit into it. Wished she would not remind him that she loved her gentle Ilyushenka and that he did not need to hide, not from her.
Ilya Rozanov vs his body :)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,847
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #87289101
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"I told him to pick up milk," Shane sobbed, the sound hysterical and broken. "That’s the last thing I said to him. ‘Pick up some milk on the way home.’ I didn't say I loved him. I didn't say stay. I didn't even look him in the eye because I was frustrated with the loss. I just told him to buy fucking milk." Ilya Rozanov has always been a master of control. Of the puck, of the media, of his own jagged edges. But lately, the edges have started to blur. The "Czar" is retreating, leaving behind a house that looks like a museum and a husband who is starting to feel like a stranger. When the last of Ilya's mess is cleared away and his ring is left behind like a final period at the end of a sentence, Shane has to face the terrifying truth: Ilya doesn't think he’s leaving a hole behind, he thinks he’s cleaning one up. Kinda compliant to The Long Game, but before Ilya talks about his depression with Shane, or goes to seek help.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,700
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80550846
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Breakaway from Yesterday by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-28
When kidnappers looking to make millions in ransom money take Shane and Ilya, only Ilya walks away. The year that follows is a hollow existence of grief and mind-numbing devastation.
Then, exactly one year later, Ilya wakes up back in the warehouse on the day of the kidnapping. It’s a surreal, unexplainable second chance. Armed with the knowledge of what will happen, Ilya fights a desperate battle to change the outcome and bring Shane home alive.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,343
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76615736
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"Sveta," he says, before she can greet him. "I think I'm about to do something very stupid."
"You're always doing something stupid," she laughs, her voice tinny over the speakerphone. "What is it this time?"
"I am in a staring contest with a bottle of pills," Ilya says. "And I think the pills might win."
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Or: An alternate take on Ilya's mental health after moving to Ottawa, featuring the reality of long distance relationships, Ilya learning to captain a new team, and a series of game tapes made by Ilya's dead father.
- Part 11 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,171
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78975931
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"You should grow this longer," Rozanov once said, running his fingers through Shane's practical cut, the same one he had since he was fifteen. Rozanov's blond curls had fallen in his eyes. Behind them, his blue eyes glittered like he was looking at the sun. "You would be so lovely."
It felt like being lit on fire.
Or; Shane is Rozanov's girl.
- Part 1 of mortal girl
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,644
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #77746391
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Faible comme ta mère (Weak, like your mother) by HollowedHypoxia
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-04
Weak. But this time, instead of his father's voice, it was said in Shane's. Ilya could no longer fight to escape the nightmare that was his mind.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,880
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77052496
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Tomorrow, he'll call Shane and apologise. He'll fix what he broke. He doesn't want Shane to be angry at him anymore. He doesn’t remember swerving to avoid a merging truck. He also doesn’t remember hitting the tree. Or: Ilya gets into a car accident. Shane is there to pick up the pieces.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,446
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76647441
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andante, andante (oh, please don’t let me down) by lovedays
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2025-12-24
It’s automatic, taking care of Anya like this. Despite the darkness in his head, and the pit resting in his ribs, Ilya manages to ground himself to her. Shane can be just as grounding, but it’s Anya that allows him to let his mind smooth out and focus on just about nothing. Because if Ilya thinks of Shane, the worst thoughts always return. OR, Ilya’s depression gets the better of him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,140
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76296806