41 – 60 of 177 Works in Internalized Homophobia

  • Internalized Homophobia ×
  1. Just Pretend by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-07-21

    Shane makes a drunken mistake in the name of protecting his carefully constructed closet, his life explodes in spectacular fashion. Suddenly faced with an unplanned pregnancy, a movie-star girlfriend, and a team of publicists convinced that "devoted family man" is a better headline than "gay hockey player," Shane commits himself to a future that looks perfect on paper. The only problem is that his heart still belongs to Ilya Rozanov—the man he left behind a few months earlier with a broken heart, several unresolved feelings, and a belly button full of cum.

    Featuring an unforgettable supporting cast of ridiculous characters—including the endlessly supportive Rose, a delightfully meddling book club of old biddies who adopt Ilya as one of their own, and a sweet baby who changes all of their lives—this is a funny, emotional story about parenthood, forgiveness, grief, healing, and two grown men who could have avoided most of their problems by having one honest fucking conversation.

    or- Shane knocks up Rose, almost dies, and he and Ilya find their way back to each other the way they always do...only now they have an adorable baby to love too.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    203,831
    Chapters:
    21/21
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86610151
  2. Since Shane Hollander’s painful public outing, things clearly haven’t been right with the Voyageurs. Still, everyone is shocked when Shane gets himself traded to the Ottawa Centaurs.

    Shane can’t completely explain it, to be honest, not in a way anyone else understands. He just knows this: he lost Ilya, lost the Voyageurs, lost his privacy and his choice. But hockey is still the love of Shane’s life. And he’s not going to lose that, too.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,460
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81700356
  3. His stomach takes a sharp, screeching left. His heart stalls and then shifts into gear, zero to 180, every tired tract of him seizing and squealing to go, run, leave.

    “Hey, I found him,” Tony says, finishing a conversation Ilya wasn’t in, easy like all conversations without Ilya are. Easy like the world isn’t ending. Like Ilya isn’t standing there, wishing every time he tried to self-destruct or kill himself had worked.

    Greasy black hair. Sallow freckled skin. A turned head and horror-widened eyes taking in the big bad monster who finally arrived onscreen.

    “Shane, Ilya; Ilya, Shane,” Tony says, totally oblivious. “You both like hockey, right? So that’s something in common. I’ve got to take lunch, but I’ll check in on you both before my shift is over.”

    Nobody knows if Ilya Rozanov tried to kill himself before the draft. Nobody sane goes first overall. And nobody knows if Shane Hollander is going to survive another mediocre season with the Boston Raiders.

    Isn’t it funny how a single nick in the ice can change the entire game?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,604
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #88732591
  4. “I think. Maybe we try a threesome,” Rose said. Watched as Shane’s face underwent so many expressions at once she worried for a half second he might be having a stroke.

    When his face had calmed down, chosen one expression - something bland and rigid - Shane spoke. “Um,” he said. “I. I’m not sure sure if. If that’s what you want, yes, we can, of course. I just don’t think that will. Having another. Woman. There. Would help my. Performance?”

    She nodded, squeezed his hand. “I wasn’t thinking of another woman,” she said, interested to see if this would be more or less panic inducing for Shane. “I was thinking a guy. I know Miles would be interested.”

    Rose begins her break up/you are gay talk with Shane, and Shane derails it in a last ditch attempt at proving to himself that he can be what he thinks he should be. They agree to give their relationship another go, and are ridiculous about it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,914
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87607101
  5. You are a traitor, you lied to all of them. To have teammates question him? To have years of loyalty erased in a single night? You are a fucking liar. Something twisted violently inside his chest. The first sob escaped before he realized he was crying. His vision blurred instantly. "No." His hands began shaking. "No." The container slipped. He caught it. Stared at it. The stupid fucking chicken. The stupid fucking rice. The stupid fucking vegetables. Or a canon divergence after Shane trips. It was for nothing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,677
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86842336
  6. Permanent Record by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • !
    • ✓

    2026-06-23

    "Please don't tell my parents. I'll do anything." Rozanov seemed to consider him, head cocked to the side. "Anything?" "Please, sir. Anything."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,335
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86389581
  7. There was a small recoil, nothing Shane would consciously register as a recoil, just a slight drawing-back of his head and a micro-expression crossing the bridge of his nose.

    His brows pulled together for one second, and he pulled the carton away from his face, examining the opening.

    Ilya Rozanov has seven cameras. Ilya Rozanov has a blog.

    His gay roommate doesn't know about any of this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,517
    Chapters:
    3/5
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82935416
  8. It takes living through four iterations of the exact same day for Shane to think, okay. Maybe this doesn’t have anything to do with hockey.

    In his defense, it’s not like time loops come with a manual.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,213
    Chapters:
    1/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87208961
  9. "Do you love me now?" by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-06-20

    Title inspired by the lyric in Season 2 Weight Loss by Harry Styles. Post inspired by a prompt I saw on Twitter from @mcgee_lives. "Tuna melt scene, but it's Shane that whispers Ilya's name, Ilya freaks out and makes Shane leave. Few months later, he's seen dating a model (if she looks like Shane, that's between Ilya and God). They date a little over a year, maybe. Ilya breaks up with her after he hears rumors of Shane dating a man."

    May deviate a bit from the prompt. This is my first time ever writing/publishing a fic but the prompt was too fun not to try. Criticism is welcome as long as it won't make me cry!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    44,845
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81580211
  10. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are thirty-five, still dominant on the ice, and absolutely, definitely not ready to become parents. But in a matter of weeks, Shane learns that he has a breeding kink, a few extra organs, and a medical condition that turns what he previously considered a medical impossibility into a tiny blip on a CT scan. -OR- The medically feasible mpreg nobody asked for but I wrote anyway. This piece is complete, beta read, and will be released in three-chapter increments. [UPDATE: All parts now available! Thanks for reading. <3]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,513
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86782761
  11. Shane calls a phone sex hotline and gets Ilya crooning unspeakable filth in his ear. It kind of devolves from there. ——— Ilya is a college student in Boston working on the side as a phone sex operator, Shane is still a hockey player. They have toe-curling, back-cracking dirty phone sex and end up catching feelings along the way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    131,252
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #80822841
  12. Shane Hollander accidentally comes out to his hockey team after years of hiding his sexuality behind carefully crafted personas and unfinished coming out speeches. As the Metros slowly begin icing him out on and off the ice, Shane spirals between rage, grief, and self-discovery—while Ilya refuses to let him forget exactly who he is.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,913
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #84476361
  13. Until Then by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-06-14

    “Do you know this name, ‘Shane Hollander’?”
    The kid looked at Shane, chewing his lip and frowning a little, before turning back to Rozanov. “I think so, yes.”
    “Who is he?
    “Uh… a hockey player?”
    “No,” Rozanov said in a harsh, cutting tone. “He is no one. Because he is on my ice. Understand?”

    To help with his edge control, the Metros' coach recommends Shane take figure skating lessons with someone named Ilya Rozanov. Rozanov is rude, abrasive, and insists he will only teach Shane in a group class for kids. Shane, a rookie hell-bent on proving himself and unwilling to disappoint his coach, refuses to give up despite how much Rozanov tries to humiliate him each lesson.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    69,960
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #80863611
  14. Shane Hollander is perfectly capable of identifying flaws.

    He can identify flaws in his game.

    Flaws in his team's systems.

    Flaws in the way hockey romance novels portray professional athletes.

    What he cannot identify, despite overwhelming evidence, is the reason every character he writes keeps turning into Ilya Rozanov.

    A story about hockey, fiction, denial, and all the things Shane would rather not think about.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,882
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86401686
  15. Golden Boy by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-06-10

    Shane Hollander has every aspect of his life under control: his diet, his training, his sexuality.

    But when he’s forced to share a room with his rival for the number one draft pick, Ilya Rozanov, he begins to question every rule he thought he had perfected.

    Including the one where he would never want a man. Or worse, Ilya Rozanov.

     ——

    Or: one year of college changes the trajectory of Shane Hollander’s life.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    91,437
    Chapters:
    22/22
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #79622946
  16. [Edit]: I changed the title because the subtitle is too funny not to add.

    The Centaurs win the cup and celebrate late into the night. In the morning, Shane wakes up in an alternate universe - one where he never got hard in the shower and he and Ilya never hooked up.

    ------------

    And Shane, not for the first time, thinks even farther back. To that day in the showers after their CCM campaign shoot. Alone under the spray, and confronted with Ilya’s perfect body, Shane’s body reacted. And truthfully, he’s always been quick to react when it comes to Ilya.

    But to think… if he could just control his dick, none of this would have happened.

    This perfect life he’s living. Married to the man of his dreams. Living and playing in his hometown, with his parents only 10 minutes away. With his sweet puppy, Anya. Celebrating his fourth ever Stanley Cup win. All thanks to one wayward boner.

    For a wild second, Shane thinks about saying that to Wyatt.

    That’s how he knows he’s drunk.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,892
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #80771611
  17. Rookie Mistakes by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-05-25

    Ilya pulls back first, breathing hard, eyes blazing down at Shane. He drags a thumb across Shane’s swollen lips. “Is your first time with a man?” Shane huffs a wrecked laugh, chest rising and falling fast. “Definitely not.” Ilya’s grin is sharp and almost feral. “Good. I want to hear you.” Shane is two years younger than Ilya and they play for the same team. But what if Shane was a bit wilder, less afraid to experiment sexually, and a bit more of a typical ice hockey guy? Get ready for teammates to friends to friends with benefits to lovers. (Please note that Shane/Hayden are tagged because they’re 18/19 and a little bit sexually curious and I’m a believer in over-tagging. Also from Ch4 out it’s full of explicit sex, fair warning.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    88,425
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #78122231
  18. “Oh my god, oh my god. Seriously, this is the best. I can’t believe you’re my neighbour. I’m calling it now, Hollander. This right here is the beginning of a friendship that will go down in history.” Ilya is 10 years old when his family moves from Jacksonville, Florida to small town Ontario. There, he forms an unexpected friendship with Shane, the boy living on the ginseng farm across the street. As they grow up and grow apart, their paths continue to cross at high school hockey games, in tabloid articles, and at one particular intimate Muskoka cottage. OR: A childhood friends to strangers to lovers AU in which Shane Hollander (up and coming indie rock star) and Ilya Rozanov (brooding artist) take nearly fifteen years to figure their shit out.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    157,018
    Chapters:
    33/33
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77742121
  19. Shane Hollander writes romance novels. Ilya Rozanov finds out.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,973
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85178121
  20. In 2000, Russia had 31,000 cases of HIV. In 2010, there were 530,000.

    By fourteen, Ilya Rozanov is sleeping around Moscow. It's a complicated outlet, but he's good at two things: hockey and sex. At 16, he's diagnosed with HIV.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,799
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #83807126
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