41 – 60 of 131 Works in Anxiety
- Anxiety ×
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“You are still you, yes?” Ilya repeated. “You are still slow hockey player with pretty freckles, yes?” It was a weak attempt at a joke, so Ilya shook it away and tried again. “You are still Shane, same person, same brain, yes?” Shane blinked up at him, thinking. Then, nodding slowly. “Mostly. Yeah. I don’t know about a name or anything yet, but—. Yeah. I’m still me.” “Then it does not matter.” ________ A trans Shane Hollander AU
- Part 1 of C’est Toi Collection
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 54,932
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78660021
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headfirst into shallow pools by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-24
Shane returns from the showers to find the locker room far more animated than when he left it. Everyone has their phones out, and when he sees Shane coming, JJ says, “Câlisse, Hollander, about fucking time! Ilya Rozanov got caught kissing a man.”
After the tuna melt debacle, but before Rose, Ilya makes the reckless decision to go to a gay bar to take his mind off of Shane. When photographs get published, Shane has a realization and devises a plan: he's going to ask Ilya Rozanov to marry him.
Ilya's going through enough without things he can't have being dangled in front of him. He needs to figure out a different way to avoid going home, because eventually Shane Hollander will realize what Ilya already knows: Ilya isn't worth what Shane wants to do for him.
- Part 1 of shallow pools-verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,280
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77362561
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i've never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try by hanna (tsaritsas)
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-22
Shane and Ilya are about to start their first season in Ottawa as a married couple. Yay! They have been celebrating up until this moment. But anxiety always catches up to Shane when he least expects it. And a new team means new dynamics, new playing styles, and new people. Shane knows, logically, that he's ready for it. But emotionally, maybe not. *post long game*
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,040
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80003671
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Built For The Ice, Not The Lights by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-20
His heartbeat was too fast. His chest felt tight. The microphone foam brushed his knuckles and the texture was suddenly unbearable, coarse, wrong. Too loud. Too bright. Too close. Too much. He needed space. or After an intense game and overwhelming post-game media scrum, Shane hits sensory overload and has a meltdown. Ilya finds him hiding away and stays, grounding him through it and reminding him he doesn’t have to handle everything alone. The worst part wasn’t the game. Shane could handle the game. The game had rules. It had structure. It had the clean geometry of the rink, the crisp bite of steel on ice, the predictable rotation of shifts. Even when it was chaotic, it was a chaos he understood. Pucks moved in patterns. Bodies angled in lines. Systems nested inside systems. Shane had been mapping them in his head since he was a kid. Media Day did not have rules. Or rather, it had too many. “Just be yourself,” the PR woman had said with a bright smile that hurt to look at. “Relax. Smile. Keep your answers light.” Be yourself. Relax. Light. The hallway outside the locker room was already too loud. Reporters clustered like birds, their voices overlapping in sharp bursts. The lights from the camera rigs were brighter than usual, hot and white and relentless. Someone had turned the music up in the dressing room, bass thudding through his ribs. Shane stood at his stall, fingers curled around the edge of the wooden bench. He tried to catalog sensations the way his therapist had taught him. Too bright. Too loud. Fabric itchy at the back of his neck. The elastic in his compression shirt digging into his ribs. Sweat cooling too fast along his spine. He inhaled for four counts. Held for four. Exhaled for four. “Hollander!” someone called. “You ready?” He nodded automatically. He was always ready. Except today his skin felt like it was two sizes too small. The game itself was brutal. Fast, punishing, every hit to his body landing harder than it should. It was the kind of rivalry matchup that fed headlines for weeks. Shane scored once, assisted once, and blocked a shot that left a bruise blooming across his thigh. He played well. He played the way he always did, precise, relentless, methodical. But the crowd was louder than usual, a constant wall of noise pressing against his skull. Every whistle shrieked. Every horn drilled straight through him. When he sat on the bench, the smell of sweat and rubber and ammonia stung the back of his throat. By the third period, his thoughts had started to fragment. Too loud. Too bright. Too much. He missed a pass he would normally make without looking. His stick felt wrong in his hands, the tape uneven. His gloves were damp and suffocating. When the final buzzer sounded and the arena erupted, the sound didn’t feel like celebration. It felt like an explosion. They won. Someone clapped him on the helmet. “Media’s gonna love you tonight, Hollander.” The thought made his heart sink just a little. The hallway afterward was worse. The lights hadn’t dimmed. If anything, they were harsher. Microphones were thrust toward his face, logos flashing. Questions overlapped, voices stacking on top of each other until he couldn’t separate them. “Shane, talk about that second-period goal—” “Was that set play something you practiced—” “How does it feel to beat—” “How much pressure did you feel coming into—” Pressure. He felt pressure everywhere. In his ears. In his teeth. Behind his eyes. He tried to answer the first question. He opened his mouth. The words did not come out in the right order. “I—uh—the play, it was—” The lights flickered slightly as someone adjusted a camera, and the motion snagged his focus. “We practiced—no, I mean—” Someone laughed softly, not unkindly, but it sliced through him anyway. His heartbeat was too fast. His chest felt tight. The microphone foam brushed his knuckles and the texture was suddenly unbearable, coarse, wrong. Too loud. Too bright. Too close. Too much. He needed space.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,604
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79941316
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Tubes of Neon Light, Refracted by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-19
His entire body felt tense as the door was pushed open. He trained his eyes on the floor, monologuing before he could stop himself, “Just so you know, my buddies paid for this dance for me and I’m sure you’re very nice and very pretty and good at what you do but I’m actually gay so you can just- Do what you need to do but I don’t want you to be offended because I’m not as into this as you’re probably… usually…used to…” He trailed away as he looked up, and met the eyes of the very tall, very broad, very handsome man leaning against the doorframe. They stared at each other, and Shane blinked, struck dumb. Or, the night of JJ's bachelor party, Shane is forced into a lap dance he very much does not want. Until he does, and everything changes.
- Part 2 of Tubes 'Verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 59,100
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76567911
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Shane’s mind was fuzzy. The scratching of skates and the roar of the crowd overwhelmed him, distracted him. His head felt heavy, laden with sounds, not enough space to focus on the game. It felt as if his brain had fogged over suddenly, stopping him from thinking about anything other than how loud everything was. Shane felt his brain pulling him back, pulling him away from the game, drawing him into himself. A pressure built up behind his eyes and it was all he could do to not tip forward with the weight, feeling the heaviness of his brain. “-ander?”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,825
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- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79612171
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5 times Shane doesn't come out to his parents +1 time he has to
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,044
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79478961
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Ilya didn’t know what to do. he reached out to touch Shane’s shoulder and the other flinched so hard that he hit his elbow into the corner of the side table. “okay.. okay. no touching, that’s fine. hey. let’s sit, okay ? Shane ? let’s sit down.” without touching, he managed to get Shane sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. Ilya sat opposite him, a safe distance away. the Canadian didn’t say anything. he hummed into the silence and pinched at his forearms to try and ground himself. ---- Shane Hollander has had diagnosed autism since he was a child but has never told anyone, not even Ilya. What happens when he's had a long day and has a meltdown for the first time in front of him ?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,473
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79225366
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There’s a sign in front of Shane. It says Welcome to Scott Hunter and Kip Grady’s Happily Ever After in a cursive font that makes Shane think of Etsy. Shane’s stomach churns. He briefly squeezes his empty ring finger. He feels, all at once, like he might cry. Instead, he swallows, and breathes, and pastes a smile on his face, and marches his ass down to Scott and Kip’s fucking wedding of the century.
- Part 1 of two weddings and a scandal
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,700
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #79108616
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when i'm like this, you're the one i trust by madddi13
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-05
“Ty v poryadke?” Ilya murmurs. Shane's brain doesn't even need to work to translate it. Ilya asks him if he’s okay all the time. But he's never been less sure about the answer than he is now. ________________________ 5 times shane is anxious and ilya helps, and 1 time he doesn't need to.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,969
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78931391
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6 Months by Nituaii
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-02-03
Shane didn't know what he should say, what he could say. They hadn't talked since that night, hadn't been in contact much. Which at first hadn't worried Shane. It wasn't unusual for them to go longer periods of time without contact, and especially with the Olympics looming so close, with them both being chosen for their teams, it had only seemed logical to focus on their duties. He hadn't worried. Had lived in that blissful state of finally knowing what it felt like to be taken, of sharing the arguably most intimate part of himself with someone he trusted. Knew he could trust. Thought he could trust. OR: What happened during those 6 months when Ilya ignored Shane? How did that time change things for Shane?
- Part 7 of
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,032
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78605076
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“What are we doing?” Shane asks and Ilya holds out the other pair of skates he’d grabbed.
“Put these on,” Ilya says, and Shane takes them from him with a skepitcal look.
“Will these even fit me? And again, what are we doing? Are we even supposed to be here? I don’t think–”
“Shane,” Ilya interrupts, taking Shane’s face into his hands and squeezing just enough to make Shane’s lips pucker out. “You are going crazy at home. You love to skate. You love hockey. So let’s go skate. And play hockey. Just you and me, okay?”
Oh.
There’s so many things he wants to say. Like how much he loves Ilya. Or how glad he is that they’d taken the plunge off that scary, crazy cliff when they were teenagers. Or how even in the midst of the craziness and anxiety and unknown, Shane is so fucking excited for the life they’re going to have.
But it all gets caught in his throat as emotion takes hold, and all he can do is nod and say, “Okay.”
____
Or, five times Ilya helps Shane when he's overwhelmed and one time Shane returns the favor.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,825
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78742236
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“Everything is different,” Shane says, and there’s a telltale tightness building in his chest.
“It does not have to be,” Ilya says, in a rush, like he hasn’t spent an entire day making everything different.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,423
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78621766
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Hayden Pike's best friend Shane Hollander is as predictable and reliable as it gets. But when Shane uncharacteristically fights with Scott Hunter, of all people, Hayden needs to know why. As he sits in Shane's living room, waiting for an explanation, things start getting progressively more confusing. Why is Shane coming out to him? And how does Lily play into this? OR Hayden finds out about Lily after Shane and Scott fight on ice. When Hayden throws down gloves to take on a dinosaur, his closest ally is the most unlikely person.
- Part 2 of Hayden Pike Hockey-matic Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,388
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77866101
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Shane and Ilya's first photoshoot post-coming out. It goes as well as you'd expect it to. ___ Then Ilya whispers, right into the shell of his ear, “Now we look like penguins.” And it’s not at all what he expected to hear. He makes a strangled sound, his hands flying down to cover Ilya’s own on his waist. “What?” Ilya rocks them side to side, small and deliberate, like they’re waddling. “Penguins are romantic. They mate for life. You are my penguin.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,918
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78521501
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After a moment, Hayden pulls back. Then he hands her the phone—Shane’s phone. “I grabbed this when I was getting his stuff and I saw, well.” He looks away from Yuna, briefly glances at David, then looks away from him too. There’s an oddly guilty look on his face that has Yuna suspicious at once. “Um, has Shane told you guys about Lily?” -- AKA, Yuna and David find out about Lily, Shane’s... girlfriend?, while he's in the hospital. It's a while before they find out about Ilya. Featuring: - high Shane - Ilya angst - theories about who Lily could be - Yuna & "Lily" texting - identity shenanigans
- Part 2 of heated rivalry social media fics
- Part 1 of i need sunshine (Ilya & Hollanders)
- Part 3 of all dwk heated rivalry fics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,720
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #77532186
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"Yes, it is so hard having a very hot, very horny boyfriend,” Ilya bemoans. “I suffer so much. And now he wants me to tie him up and fuck him, how will I survive this?"
Shane sighs. “Can you take this seriously?”
“I am taking this very seriously,” Ilya says, completely unseriously. “My dick is getting sucked too often. I am constantly miserable."
after taking a rope rescue course together, shane and ilya learn some new things about themselves.
- Part 3 of return of spontaneous circulation
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,002
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #78405576
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It wasn’t something he did on purpose. And he doesn’t remember exactly when he started. All Shane knows is one day, when he was 16, he got a bad grade on a math test, and his parents rule was that as soon as any of his grades dipped below a B-, he was off the hockey team. He was still standing strong with a B+, and with only a couple months left of the year, chances are things would stay that way, but Shane still worked himself into a panic, and before he knew it, he was pinching his upper arm so hard that once he finally loosened his grip, it bruised immediately. So yeah. That became a thing. or Shane doesn't mean to hurt himself. It just ... happens. --- Set between 'Heated Rivalry' and 'The Long Game'.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,738
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78271476
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Newly traded to the Ottawa Centaurs, Ilya Rozanov is so close to having everything he’d never thought he was allowed to want. He can see the man he loves more than four times a year, he’s surrounded by a team who supports him through his injury, and Shane’s parents have unhesitatingly accepted him as part of the family.
Except his lingering concussion symptoms have kept him sidelined from hockey, his boyfriend is still two hours away, their schedules are a disaster, and Shane’s team is, well…it’s full of assholes. There must be a way to make this all work out.
or
A sequel to a whump fanfiction with more whump…that is also, secretly, a fix-it.
- Part 2 of Return-to-Play
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,452
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Files:
- 7 versions
- AO3:
- #77100471
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An unexpected snowstorm forces Shane and Ilya to spend the night at Shane’s parents’ house.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,129
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77860771