1 – 20 of 31 Works in Anxiety Attacks
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Some secrets won't be kept. by Anonymous
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-10-18
Shane Hollander has built himself around routine, his life blood is hockey. Struggling to understand his team off the ice and the people around him, he carves out a few silent hours to himself. It's just him and his skates. But the hard fought peace is fragile, like cracks in too thin ice. It only takes a slight impact to shatter. Shane is fighting to hold his team and himself together as everything comes crashing down around him.
Someone hacks into Rose Landry's phone in a club, they then release the images of Shane's texts online and all hell breaks loose. Shane is left to pick up the pieces. Ilya makes some choices in the aftermath that change everything. Shane decides to stop hiding and Ilya is a possessive asshole who makes it everyone else's problem. With far less reason to hide himself anymore, Shane begins to show more of who he really is behind the polite, media worthy façade. They instead find a team who are ready to fight the world for each other and a found family that has far reaching threads.
Maybe Shane can have both Hockey and Ilya. The world will just have to deal with it.
- Part 1 of Heated Rivalry AU
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,044,316
- Chapters:
- 92/92
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77947336
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A House in Nebraska by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-09-01
Shane Hollander doesn't know what he is. He knows what he wants. For a long time, he tells himself those are different things.
Ilya Rozanov knows what he is. He can't control what he wants. For a long time, he tells himself those are the same thing.
They’re just boys who handle it badly—from a junior tournament in Canada to the NHL draft to the moment a security camera at the end of a hallway changes everything
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Shane and Ilya are discovered before they even play their first game
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 114,579
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #87605006
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“Shit,” Hunter said, eyes wide. He shot a glance up and down the hallway and held up his hands in the universal sign of “calm down.”
“I can pretend I didn’t see anything,” he said quickly.
“There’s nothing-“ But Shane was losing the ability to speak. His throat was closing up, his vision darkening, his heart feeling like it was being squeezed by barb wire.What if Scott Hunter caught Shane sneaking out of Ilya's room? What if this change meant Shane had someone to talk to, and then the number of people in his corner kept expanding?
A what-if homophobia can be fixed by a Swedish hockey coach and rational argument. Featuring accidental cock-blocker Hayden, better communication skills, good Montreal team mates, coming outs, drinking games, and canon divergence.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,282
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82008536
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Shane leaves professional hockey before locker room homophobia and contractual obligations can destroy him.
Somehow, inexplicably, he winds up on the Savannah Bananas, an exhibition baseball team.
He coaches skating for kids in the off season.
For the first time in years, Shane has fun again.
(He doesn't think about Ilya Rozanov or those two nights they shared together)
(He doesn't give Rozanov his number when, years later, they reunite)
(Except actually he does)
(It's the best thing he's ever done)- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,835
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #83299681
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The Hollanov Baseball AU no one asked for but my brain supplied because I'm more of a baseball nerd than a hockey nerd.
Shane Hollander (pitcher) and Ilya Rozanov (catcher) are both drafted straight out of the High School League into the MLB. What bits of their story are different, and what bits are eternal?
This fic is complete and binge safe!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 52,494
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77960466
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if you ever try to leave me again by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-04
Shane heard a strangled shout tear free from his mouth, and then his body was moving without his brain’s input. He flew across the ice, ripping his gloves off and reaching for Ilya’s throat. He wrapped his fingers around the warm skin, feeling the flow of blood pulse harder with each beat of Ilya’s heart. His eyes raced across Ilya’s face, desperately looking for a sign that his boyfriend was still with him. Ilya’s eyes were wide and glazed, staring past Shane instead of at him. His face was losing color rapidly, turning a sickly shade of white that mirrored the ice beneath him. His mouth was open, loose and slack, mouthguard still jammed into his upper jaw. Shane watched in terror as Ilya grew limper in his arms.
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During a Boston-Montreal game, Ilya's neck is cut by a skate, and Shane is forced to witness the love of his life bleeding out on the ice in front of him. All of the plans they have made seem to be slipping away before his eyes, right when they were so close to finalizing Ilya's transfer to Ottawa. As they race against the clock to save Ilya's life, Shane reckons with the secrets they have been forced to keep and fears that they might never get to live their truth out in the open.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,772
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #78629256
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i've never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try by hanna (tsaritsas)
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-22
Shane and Ilya are about to start their first season in Ottawa as a married couple. Yay! They have been celebrating up until this moment. But anxiety always catches up to Shane when he least expects it. And a new team means new dynamics, new playing styles, and new people. Shane knows, logically, that he's ready for it. But emotionally, maybe not. *post long game*
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,040
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80003671
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Built For The Ice, Not The Lights by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-20
His heartbeat was too fast. His chest felt tight. The microphone foam brushed his knuckles and the texture was suddenly unbearable, coarse, wrong. Too loud. Too bright. Too close. Too much. He needed space. or After an intense game and overwhelming post-game media scrum, Shane hits sensory overload and has a meltdown. Ilya finds him hiding away and stays, grounding him through it and reminding him he doesn’t have to handle everything alone. The worst part wasn’t the game. Shane could handle the game. The game had rules. It had structure. It had the clean geometry of the rink, the crisp bite of steel on ice, the predictable rotation of shifts. Even when it was chaotic, it was a chaos he understood. Pucks moved in patterns. Bodies angled in lines. Systems nested inside systems. Shane had been mapping them in his head since he was a kid. Media Day did not have rules. Or rather, it had too many. “Just be yourself,” the PR woman had said with a bright smile that hurt to look at. “Relax. Smile. Keep your answers light.” Be yourself. Relax. Light. The hallway outside the locker room was already too loud. Reporters clustered like birds, their voices overlapping in sharp bursts. The lights from the camera rigs were brighter than usual, hot and white and relentless. Someone had turned the music up in the dressing room, bass thudding through his ribs. Shane stood at his stall, fingers curled around the edge of the wooden bench. He tried to catalog sensations the way his therapist had taught him. Too bright. Too loud. Fabric itchy at the back of his neck. The elastic in his compression shirt digging into his ribs. Sweat cooling too fast along his spine. He inhaled for four counts. Held for four. Exhaled for four. “Hollander!” someone called. “You ready?” He nodded automatically. He was always ready. Except today his skin felt like it was two sizes too small. The game itself was brutal. Fast, punishing, every hit to his body landing harder than it should. It was the kind of rivalry matchup that fed headlines for weeks. Shane scored once, assisted once, and blocked a shot that left a bruise blooming across his thigh. He played well. He played the way he always did, precise, relentless, methodical. But the crowd was louder than usual, a constant wall of noise pressing against his skull. Every whistle shrieked. Every horn drilled straight through him. When he sat on the bench, the smell of sweat and rubber and ammonia stung the back of his throat. By the third period, his thoughts had started to fragment. Too loud. Too bright. Too much. He missed a pass he would normally make without looking. His stick felt wrong in his hands, the tape uneven. His gloves were damp and suffocating. When the final buzzer sounded and the arena erupted, the sound didn’t feel like celebration. It felt like an explosion. They won. Someone clapped him on the helmet. “Media’s gonna love you tonight, Hollander.” The thought made his heart sink just a little. The hallway afterward was worse. The lights hadn’t dimmed. If anything, they were harsher. Microphones were thrust toward his face, logos flashing. Questions overlapped, voices stacking on top of each other until he couldn’t separate them. “Shane, talk about that second-period goal—” “Was that set play something you practiced—” “How does it feel to beat—” “How much pressure did you feel coming into—” Pressure. He felt pressure everywhere. In his ears. In his teeth. Behind his eyes. He tried to answer the first question. He opened his mouth. The words did not come out in the right order. “I—uh—the play, it was—” The lights flickered slightly as someone adjusted a camera, and the motion snagged his focus. “We practiced—no, I mean—” Someone laughed softly, not unkindly, but it sliced through him anyway. His heartbeat was too fast. His chest felt tight. The microphone foam brushed his knuckles and the texture was suddenly unbearable, coarse, wrong. Too loud. Too bright. Too close. Too much. He needed space.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,604
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79941316
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Shane swallowed hard, tears still slipping down his face, but he managed another breath. Then another. Each one shaky. Each one fragile. But they were coming. Ilya kept his hand steady against his back, the other still lightly holding his forearm. “You’re okay,” he repeated quietly. “I’m right here.” Shane’s voice came out broken and small. “I'm sorry. I couldn’t- I tried- I needed-” His words dissolved into another shaky inhale, frustration and shame mixing with the remnants of panic. Ilya didn’t press him to explain. He knew Shane’s mind was still tangled in whatever storm had triggered this. Right now, breathing mattered more than understanding. “You don’t have to say anything,” he said softly. “Just breathe.” --- The pressure gets to Shane and he has an anxiety attack mid-game.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,187
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79927841
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Shane’s mind was fuzzy. The scratching of skates and the roar of the crowd overwhelmed him, distracted him. His head felt heavy, laden with sounds, not enough space to focus on the game. It felt as if his brain had fogged over suddenly, stopping him from thinking about anything other than how loud everything was. Shane felt his brain pulling him back, pulling him away from the game, drawing him into himself. A pressure built up behind his eyes and it was all he could do to not tip forward with the weight, feeling the heaviness of his brain. “-ander?”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,825
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79612171
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Ilya didn’t know what to do. he reached out to touch Shane’s shoulder and the other flinched so hard that he hit his elbow into the corner of the side table. “okay.. okay. no touching, that’s fine. hey. let’s sit, okay ? Shane ? let’s sit down.” without touching, he managed to get Shane sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. Ilya sat opposite him, a safe distance away. the Canadian didn’t say anything. he hummed into the silence and pinched at his forearms to try and ground himself. ---- Shane Hollander has had diagnosed autism since he was a child but has never told anyone, not even Ilya. What happens when he's had a long day and has a meltdown for the first time in front of him ?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,473
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79225366
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Why Ginger Ale? by obsessiveoverenjoyer
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-08
shane was always so specific about what he put in his body, but ginger ale never wavered. why? or a cute, domestic conversation taking place sometime after the events of TLG :)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,455
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79138581
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Strawberries & Cigarettes (They Always Taste Like You) by Anonymous
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-02-08
Troy’s grin turned sharp and mischievous. “Alright then,” he spoke up. “New bet.”
“No.” Ilya groaned. “Why is everything always a bet?”
“Because you hate losing,” Wyatt answered as if it was obvious.
Troy clapped his hands together. “Okay, so,” he started, his eyes gleaming. “Rozanov has to get Shane Hollander to fall in love with him.”
Ilya stared at him, his brain’s processing lagging half a second behind. “You think you are jokester, yes? You are joking.”
or, in which hockey captain Ilya Rozanov drunkenly agrees to a bet to make the nerdy Shane Hollander fall in love with him
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,317
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #78125021
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One Touch, And I Was A Believer by amysteriouspuddle
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-05
It had all got too real. That wasn’t what they were. They met up a couple times each year, took what they needed from the other, and then left before the afterglow could fade. They did not – could not – have any more than that. And they certainly did not call each other by their forenames. That would imply that they meant more to each other than either had ever expressed, that Rosanov was more than just Rosanov, Shane’s arch rival on ice and absolutely nothing off ice. And that could never happen. - Or, Hayden's reaction to Shane coming back to their hotel room freaking out and in Ilya's clothes in ep 4.
- Part 1 of They Don't Know About Us
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,262
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78943266
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Safe in Your Heart by Maximoff_Wanda
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-29
Through the haze of his fear, Ilya tried desperately to remember the last time he had kissed Shane. The last time he had said I love you to him. He let himself live in the memory as a tear slid down his face. Ilya didn’t even have a photo of Shane that he could look at because they always delete them. For a brief moment, he thought about googling Shane just to look at him one last time. Then, just as quickly as their descent had started, the plane leveled out. Distantly, Ilya heard an announcement echoing throughout the cabin. He could barely translate it through the panic, catching words like “engine,” “emergency landing,” and “brace for a rough impact.” Or: What if the plane incident in The Long Game was more serious and Ilya got hurt?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,318
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78554056
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Ilya Rozanov. One of the star players of the NHL, nearly a decade into his career. Center for the Boston Bears, a brutal, fast player known for womanizers tendencies and his bragging habits.
Kip had learned a lot about hockey in the last three years, unable to swipe past anything to do with Scott’s career. Ilya Rozanov was a difficult player to mistake and it was his distinctive build that stood beside him now, glaring down at the buildings as if they’d personally offended him.
“...Hi.” Kip had to give himself credit. Even with the hesitation, the greeting was clear and strong, pushed past the tightness of his shirt on his shoulders, his collar resting against his throat.
“Hello,” said Rozanov, shifting to cross his arms and lean them against the railing. His suit was near to the navy blue Kip was wearing– a popular color, and he was doubly glad Scott had insisted on it. “Is nice out here. Cold.”
Three times that Ilya supported Scott's relationship and one time he defended his own.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,522
- Chapters:
- 3/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77538331
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It's been a long day. A good day for the most part...all things considered. But that's kind of the problem. Because once Shane's parents leave after coming for dinner, he finally lets himself consider all the things that have happened, and will happen, and might happen for him and Ilya. The panic attack he didn't quite have at his parents dining room table hits him like a ton of bricks, and poor Ilya is the unfortunate bystander. [Takes place later in the evening, the day Shane and Ilya get caught].
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,554
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77994676
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Not Too Much by CC99trialanderrorgirl
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-17
Shane has a panic attack/autistic meltdown in the bathroom at an event. Ilya helps.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,461
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77852801
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Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov had been household names for years, yet the media still treated them like gladiators thrown into an arena for public entertainment. Hollywood had never manufactured a rivalry this blatant before—and of course they were the guinea pigs. The blueprint. The cautionary tale in the making. The money was obscene. The roles were constant. And the studios? They were practically frothing at the mouth. If Shane landed a blockbuster, Ilya was mysteriously cast in a competing one within days. Rival studios loved the drama, the headlines, the built‑in war. And if Ilya was favored to win at the box office against Shane, well then, who was Ilya to complain about it? Boring Canadian: Got to go BC: Text you later? Ilya: Okay Ilya: Don’t get hard thinking of me blowing you BC: Fuck you! Ilya: You’re hard, aren’t you? BC: … Ilya: My good little slut BC: TURNING OFF MY PHONE NOW!!!!!!!! ---- Or Shane and Ilya have a complicated work-life relationship, and it becomes so much more than either of them could have ever imagined.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 83,427
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76304986
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was i made from a broken mold? by Literal_Multifandom_Trashcan
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-11
Shane pulled out the vodka handle, wiping the dust off. He stared at it for a long moment. Shane rarely drank hard liquor. It made his head spin and his stomach uncomfortable, wasn’t worth all the extra calories. Wasn’t even really meant to drink on his meds, but. It would make him feel worse. It would make him feel like absolute shit. And that was exactly what Shane was counting on. So he had stumbled over to the bathroom, flipped on the dim overhead light, sunk to the bathroom floor, and drank. or: shane hollander gets super drunk on the bathroom floor after a really bad few days. it is not fun for anyone involved, but luckily ilya is there to pick up the pieces
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,618
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77473631