41 – 60 of 103 Works in Suicidal Thoughts
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think twice (and come back for a third time) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-05-10
Shane is heavier than he used to be; his weight bears down on Ilya in a new way. He’s put on pounds of muscle since Ilya last touched him like this. Ilya flattens his palms, skims them under Shane’s undershirt, feels the flat solidity of his abs, the bulk of his lats, the swell of his chest. It’s the same and it’s new, this body; it’s the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about when he was 18 and the man he loved enough to let go at 26 and the person who somehow always comes to find him when he’s lost.
A stranger, and the love of his life.
—
or, Ilya's father doesn't die in 2017; Ilya breaks up with Shane instead of confessing his love. They get older, but not any less stupid about each other. Shane gets a boyfriend; Ilya gets on medication; they work on becoming whole people. And they always find their way back to each other.
OR a story for those who love Shane and Ilya's baby love but ALSO think it's hot when people in their thirties make active choices about who they are and what they want in their partner!!
Note: the "cheating" tag refers to the relationship between Shane and his aforementioned BF, not to Shane and Ilya cheating on each other.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 70,339
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #82620966
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The plane carrying the Voyageurs home from Houston crashes just after take-off.
Shane is on board.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 144,038
- Chapters:
- 17/17
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #79156231
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All year Shane had been fighting the desperate creeping desires spreading inside him, hoping they would wither and die in the airless forgotten dark of his dreams and now Rozanov, the only player at camp who might've been better at hockey than Shane, with his newly-long legs and newly-defined abs and his indifferent smirking gaze, was lying (maybe) hard above him, asking wildly inappropriate questions and claiming it was all normal and fine and good? Nonsense. If this was normal, Shane was missing way more social cues in his day-to-day life than he thought.
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In which Shane and Ilya meet at hockey camp as teens and a bunch of other things also go differently. Not a teen fic tho I promise!- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 89,699
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Files:
- 4 versions
- AO3:
- #80334051
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keep a place for me by agetwellcard
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-04-19
From across the rink, Shane watches Ilya get punched in the face. He keeps a distance from the mess playing out. He knows better than to go over and make it worse. He would be more worried about it if Ilya wasn’t laughing with blood running down his face as one of his teammates drags him away. He’s yelling at the player that punched him, and Shane is grateful he can’t hear what he’s saying because he knows it’s obscene. “Your boy is feral tonight,” Pike says to Shane. Shane groans. “He's not my boy.” When Shane is in junior high, Ilya's family moves to Canada. Instead of meeting as adults, they grow up together. Shane learns Russian and Ilya spends a majority of his time at the Hollander household. When they start their professional hockey careers, they have to learn how to be opponents instead of teammates, but also how to be apart for the first time in their lives. When Ilya suggests that they sleep together, Shane has to balance their friendship and their casual relationship.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 30,101
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #80253536
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In This And Every Life (I'd Choose Us Every time) by Anonymous
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-04-15
Shane decides to give Ilya space. He’ll call when he’s ready. So Shane accepts an offer from one of his endorsements to fly to Washington ahead of his team for a promotional shoot and tries to be patient. When his plane goes down in the mountains, Ilya struggles to find hope and isn’t sure how he’ll live in a world without Shane in it.
- Part 1 of After All These Years
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 108,632
- Chapters:
- 20/20
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78337946
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A Danger to Yourself or Others by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-04-15
Galina stopped writing to look at Ilya. "Do you think he'd be willing to talk to you next time it happens, even if it's late?"
Ilya's stomach turned over. He didn't even want to consider it, but he knew the answer. "Yes. But he silences his phone at night."
"Most phones these days have an option to let certain numbers ring through, even on Do Not Disturb. Do you think he'd be open to setting that up for you?"
Imagining that conversation made Ilya nauseous. Yes, no fucking doubt, Shane would be open to it if Ilya explained the reason. "I'm not going to ask him to do that."
Set during The Long Game, an alternate version where the plane scene doesn't happen. Instead, there's this: a car crash, a therapist's duty to report, and an urgent reckoning with priorities.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,182
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #81233801
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2 AM Cliff is not thinking clearly. Or maybe he's thinking extra clearly. He can't decide, but either way he's upset and he's buying makeup on Ebay.
- Part 2 of for years or for hours
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,073
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82650316
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So what is the plan now, Mr. Spreadsheet?
“Honestly I was kind of hoping your consciousness would just click back into your body once I touched you.” Shane scratches the back of his head.
You treat me like slap bracelet, Ilya complains.
After a bad hit knocks Ilya’s consciousness out of his body — literally — Shane finds himself sheltering the soul of his decade-long situationship in the back of his head. Turns out it’s a lot harder to keep secrets when you share a body.
(They definitely still try, though.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 33,974
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #80586441
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Shane goes back to his hotel after leaving Ilya's house, and he immediately spits up a flower petal.
Within a week, he has his mother schedule the surgery.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,424
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82429766
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Before practice, Shane is caught off guard by the devastating news of an abrupt plane crash that took the lives of five Raiders players, including Ilya's. Unable to explain his grief to those closest to him, he retreats into himself, becoming a ghost of the person they loved until he's pushed to the brink of his own unmanageable pain.
---
“The Raiders Plane Crashed,” was what he had heard in the locker room. From Comeau, specifically.
Shane was pretty sure he kept talking, but if he was being honest, he didn’t hear anything past that. He just stared at his teammate’s lips moving, no sound seeming to reach his ears aside from the heavy thudding of his own heartbeat in them. There was this urge to snatch the phone out of his hand and read the news article for himself growing as the locker room managed to warp around him. But he couldn’t move, fear paralyzing him.
“You alright?” Hayden questioned, his voice tearing through the sharp silence his mind had forced upon him.
Shane flinched as he felt his friends hand on his shoulder, the sudden contact making him even more ill to his stomach. He didn’t dare try to nod or lie and say he was.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,067
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82234791
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Yuna’s entire body aches, and it would appear that her instincts were right— Rozanov is small, and he’s vulnerable, and he’s tired, and he needed somewhere safe to rest.
And Yuna can’t help the weird sense that she’s honoured— her home was somewhere for Rozanov to go, even if she and David knew nothing about any of it, even if they still don’t, Shane knew it would be safe for Rozanov here. Shane told him to come home.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,378
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82234306
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Ilya hadn’t known the video existed. If he had known, he would have paid someone to have it destroyed. Would have paid someone to murder Kuznetsov, maybe, just for redundancy's sake. But it was peak stupidity, to keep evidence of your homosexual perversion around in a country where that crime could get you sent to jail for several decades, and Ilya hadn’t thought that Kuznetsov would be that dumb.
Now here Ilya was, watching a video of his fourteen-year-old self on Twitter getting fucked by his former hockey coach.
So. There go the plans for the rest of his life.
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Or: in 2018, during Ilya's last year with the Raiders, an old video is leaked on Twitter. Ilya reacts, or overreacts. Shane does, too.
- Part 21 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,806
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 4 versions
- AO3:
- #82027471
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The Worth of You by Anonymous
Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-03-29
Ilya Rozanov is in a horrible accident right before the playoffs start and Shane Hollander reacts in a normal and rational fashion.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,718
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #81816386
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In fall 2016, Shane Hollander goes missing during a night out clubbing with his teammates.
Or: Shane doesn't meet Rose. He meets a woman with very sharp teeth. And by sunrise, he is a changed man.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,691
- Chapters:
- 3/6
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80572781
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if you knew it was the end of the world (would you like to stay a while?) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-28
It happens six months after their wedding.
Scott has never been happier in his entire life. Things were amazing for a little while there, so picture-perfect in all areas of his life that it felt almost too good to be true. Too easy. The kind of happiness where you wake up every day asking yourself if it’s actually real, if you can really have this, just like that.
Turns out you can’t.
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Scott is injured during a game and has to deal with the fallout.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,247
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #82011041
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“Look,” Shane began, hitting the edge of the basin with the flat of his palm. “I don’t know if I did something to piss you off, or…or what, but you’re being fucking weird. The phonecall? And this? What is this?”
Before he’d even really processed Shane’s words, Ilya was standing directly in front of him, grabbing his lapels, pulling him closer. Then his shoulders sagged and their foreheads met. Ilya could feel Shane shift, moving away, but Ilya kept him still. It felt so good just to have Shane near again. “You would not believe me,” Ilya murmured.
Shane let his shoulders slump in acquiescence. He gave a little shrug. “I’m already having a tough time believing that you’re acting like this.” He laughed weakly, and Ilya envisioned what it would be like to tilt his head just slightly and press his lips to Shane’s. Would he reciprocate? Pull away? The latter. The latter. Obviously.
Or, after Ilya takes the girl from the club in Montreal back to his hotel room, he falls asleep wishing that he and Shane had never been anything at all, and wakes up to a world in which that’s true.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,467
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79414061
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can we just go home now by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-24
Marlow knows better than to push. Everyone’s got their own shit, especially on the road. But there’s only so many nights you can wake up to someone falling apart before it stops being something you can ignore.
// Ilya hasn’t seen his mother in over ten years. Lately, he sees her every night.
- Part 3 of hard conversations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,128
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81787166
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we took the scenic route by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-19
For a second, Scott pictures it—their tragic gay love affair, conducted in Holiday Inns and Marriotts, following the usual routine; the cut-off afterglow, the tied-off condom burning a hole in someone’s pocket because they were too scared to leave it in the hotel trash, the look-both-ways paranoia leaving the room, fleeing the scene head-down-hands-in-pockets. Scott pictured a decade of that—a four-year marriage of that—and felt sick. Two thousand fucking ten. Christ. Kip had cousins younger than that.
- Part 2 of two weddings and a scandal
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,002
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #81507746
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You Have a Little Life in You Yet by OrYouCouldHaveMine
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-12
PLANE CARRYING OTTAWA CENTAUR’S HOCKEY TEAM, COACH, PERSONNEL, REPORTEDLY LOST CONTACT, PRESUMED MISSING - Shane’s eyes scan over the words, once, twice. It’s not true. It’s some mistake. He knows it. “Lost contact?” Hayden asks, his tone a mix of concerned and confused. “What’s that mean? Like they lost their ability to communicate? Won’t that make landing hard?” J.J. frowns. “I do not think they will be landing,” he says solemnly. -- The Ottawa Centaurs plane crashes in the Canadian wilderness. Shane tries to get answers while Ilya tries to stay alive.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 38,306
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #80745021
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Ilya hadn't responded for several hours. Just before warm ups, at the last possible second, Ilya had sent two photos.
The first was the nightstand beside Shane's bed, where his boring hockey book and sexy glasses sat arranged with a strip of condoms and the bottle of lube. The second was Ilya's suitcase open on the floor.Shane had seen it. He had told Ilya, when he'd skated up to him during stretches, that leaving the suitcase open there was a tripping hazard. Ilya had laughed him back to the Metros bench.
He wasn't laughing now.
OR: Shane gave Ilya the code to his condo before the game. With Shane hospitalized and his status uncertain, Ilya embarks on a quest to get his stuff back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,924
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80680381