my anonymous heated rivalry fic
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Ilya died, yes, but then the doctors saved him. Cardiopulmonary resuscitation in the ambulance, three electric shocks, two emergency surgeries, twenty-six units of blood. Ilya died, but then he came back.
If only Shane could get his subconscious to understand that.
- Part 1 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,090
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75983456
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“Be careful,” Shane frets, one hand hovering over Ilya’s shoulder. “It’s icy, and I don’t want to be a widower.” “Oh, we’d have to be much higher than this for the fall to kill me,” Ilya says, gaze still fixed on the cool black skyline. “At least seven stories.” It’s not until much later, as the waitress is clearing the dishes from dinner, that Yuna finds herself wondering why Ilya knows exactly how high a fall needs to be in order to kill him. Or: Yuna learns about Ilya's past bit by bit over the years.
- Part 2 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,948
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #78111111
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At first Ilya thinks it’s some kind of deformed bear. Then he sees the weird little claw-things it has instead of paws, and realizes it’s a massive stuffed sloth. “Looks like someone’s going all-out this year,” Bood says from behind him. - Or: Ilya and Shane might be spending their first Valentine's Day as a married couple apart, but Shane's not letting that stop him.
- Part 2 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,100
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75660281
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Ilya Rozanov ☑ @ilyarozanov81 hockey players always say they are so grateful for fans. well, for valentine’s month I will put my mouth where my money is. you are welcome in advance Harris ☑ @centaursharris @ilyarozanov81 I’m afraid to ask. Also, it’s put your MONEY where your MOUTH is. Ilya Rozanov ☑ @ilyarozanov81 @centaursharris eh in this case I think my version is more accurate -- Or: a hybrid social media fic in which Ilya decides to spread the love amongst hockey RPF fans.
- Part 3 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,116
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76965766
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“It is the worst day of my life,” Ilya declares, throwing himself dramatically onto one of the kitchen stools. “I went to go get lunch at Russian place I like, the one with lamb pelmeni? They had sign on the door. They are closing. Forever.” - Or: Ilya’s favorite Russian restaurant in Ottawa is going out of business. There is only one thing Shane “Mr. Real Estate” Hollander can do.
- Part 4 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,728
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77801756
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Last night, Ilya dreamed Shane served him divorce papers. They were making dinner when suddenly Shane pulled them out of the microwave and thrust them into Ilya’s hand. This isn’t working, he said. I’m divorcing you. No negotiations.
And look: of course Ilya understands that it was just a dream. The official divorce petition was a stack of sticky notes. Shane had faintly green skin and, Ilya is pretty sure, a third eye next to his left nipple. It obviously wasn’t real.
But.
- Part 6 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,486
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77899966
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Shane sends him a text that says 'thinking about your cock' with a picture of his rippling abs, and even though Ilya really appreciates the abs, all he can think about is the faint bruise blooming on Shane's ribs, and whether it hurts him very badly, and whether there's anything Ilya could do to make it hurt less, if he were there. He wants to be there, he realizes. He wants to be there for the rest of his life.
He has to duck out of the team weight room so he can cough up a fistful of petals.
So.
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Or: Ilya gets Hanahaki disease.
- Part 7 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,703
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77914921
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"Sveta," he says, before she can greet him. "I think I'm about to do something very stupid."
"You're always doing something stupid," she laughs, her voice tinny over the speakerphone. "What is it this time?"
"I am in a staring contest with a bottle of pills," Ilya says. "And I think the pills might win."
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Or: An alternate take on Ilya's mental health after moving to Ottawa, featuring the reality of long distance relationships, Ilya learning to captain a new team, and a series of game tapes made by Ilya's dead father.
- Part 11 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,171
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78975931
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“Sometimes, I wish he was a worse person,” Ilya admits one night, while he and Yuna are doing the dishes. Shane and Ilya had come over for chicken parmesan, and it had been a lovely dinner, right up until David, clearing the plates, mentioned that he had met a guy at the store the other day who was a big fan of Shane’s, had a kid who idolized him.
David asked if Shane could sign a piece of merchandise for him, maybe record a video. Shane said yes, because he had a rule, about doing things for child fans. Now, Shane was off shooting a video while Ilya did the dishes, and Ilya already knew the way it would require Shane to drag his public face up from the depths of his stomach, the work it would take him to shed it afterwards, the way it would taint this evening.
- Part 15 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,546
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80125436
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Ilya hadn’t known the video existed. If he had known, he would have paid someone to have it destroyed. Would have paid someone to murder Kuznetsov, maybe, just for redundancy's sake. But it was peak stupidity, to keep evidence of your homosexual perversion around in a country where that crime could get you sent to jail for several decades, and Ilya hadn’t thought that Kuznetsov would be that dumb.
Now here Ilya was, watching a video of his fourteen-year-old self on Twitter getting fucked by his former hockey coach.
So. There go the plans for the rest of his life.
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Or: in 2018, during Ilya's last year with the Raiders, an old video is leaked on Twitter. Ilya reacts, or overreacts. Shane does, too.
- Part 21 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,806
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 4 versions
- AO3:
- #82027471
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“Do you have a budget?” Shane asked once, early on.
Ilya looked at him with such patent confusion that for a moment Shane thought that he didn't know the word in English. Then Ilya said, “No, Hollander. I do not have a budget,” voice dripping with disdain.
“You really should,” Shane said, parroting the line he’s heard from his parents so many times before. “It’s important to manage your finances.”
Ilya just rolled his eyes.
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Or: how Shane and Ilya rectify their very different attitudes towards money.
- Part 23 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,970
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #84403801
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“She likes to haunt my freezer,” Ilya says, as Shane shuffles out of his Reeboks and into a pair of Ilya’s house slippers.
It had seemed like a joke, when Ilya first brought it up. Their last morning at the cottage, dropped casually as they scrambled eggs together in the kitchen, a parting gag for the road. Oh, by the way, you know that dead mother I told you about? The one who killed herself and left me to find the body? Yes, okay, so, she is also a ghost and she haunts me. Well, my house, really. No, I am serious, Hollander! I am so serious, Russians do not joke, please! You do not believe me? You do not trust me? Fine. You will come over to my place some time and I will show you. She likes flowers, please bring daffodils.
Shane brought the daffodils.
- Part 25 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,986
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #85746781
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Ilya had thought it was dumb, when Galina suggested it. A code word for when his mental health was bad—he and Shane didn’t even have a code word for sex, and Ilya was regularly tying Shane to the bed and slapping his ass until it was as red as a tomato.
“Is there a reason you’re calling me?” Shane asks now, voice echoey over the phone. “Or is this part of your strategy to win our argument?”
Ilya swallows hard. “Constantinople,” he says.
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Or: Ilya goes through a rough patch.
- Part 27 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,704
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #88345446
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David gets diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months before Shane turns forty.
“It’s nothing for you to worry about,” he says, right before he drops the news. Family dinner: pasta with vodka sauce, roasted broccoli, a tower of garlic bread stacked just as high as ever, even though Ilya, retired now, no longer has the appetite he once had. Usually, he still manages to put most of it away, even if it means he ends up groaning on the coach afterwards, begging Shane to rub his belly. Shane rolls his eyes, but he always does it, if only for the happy little sighs Ilya makes, like a fat house cat.
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Or: there's a cancer diagnosis, then a cancer scare, and Shane contemplates retirement.
- Part 30 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,197
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #95324566