121 – 140 of 177 Works in Internalized Homophobia
- Internalized Homophobia ×
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Shane’s throat is scratchy, particularly when he has to face Ilya Rozanov. Surely, that is just coincidence.
- Part 14 of [challenge] Heated Rivalry Febuwhump 2026
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,393
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79184401
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The edges of the picture had begun to bend; Shane was like a firework on the very verge of a convulsive explosion. The skirting of the doorway and the hand there gripping it were each as white as the other, and although the phone in his pocket rang and rang Shane made no move to answer it. It had been ringing since he’d last been an idiot, around seventeen minutes ago- when he had sent that stupid fucking message to Ilya Rozanov: “We didn’t even kiss”. _______ Or, its 2014 and the NHL has returned to Vegas. Shane sends that text and falls head-first off the deep end with a bottle from the hotel's mini fridge. Ilya must try to bring him back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,782
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79090536
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Two Bludgeoned Bodies Found in Remote Parking Lot by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-08
Shane's POV for I Like Jane For You
Something is up with the people in Shane’s life this week. He imagines some worst-case-scenarios, but his imagination isn't even close.
- Part 3 of Haydenov Phone Swap
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,852
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #79139066
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He saw the eyes first. Two glowing spheres of turquoise blinked an arm's length away. Something like a wolf stood before him—if wolves were the size of moose with thick pelts of sandy fur. The beast favored its hind legs more, resting the majority of its weight onto them. It was still as a statue, its attention fixed solely on him. In the winter of 1923, Shane Hollander is unknowingly courted by a werewolf.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,599
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78748086
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Shane wakes up on Tuesday at 5:26 AM on game day in Boston, four minutes before his alarm goes off. Shane wants it to be Wednesday. But no matter what, Shane wakes up on Tuesday at 5:26 AM on game day in Boston, four minutes before his alarm goes off.
”Fuck,” he croaks. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Chapter 1: Shane wakes up on the same Tuesday over and over again after leaving Rozanov in a rush. Tuesday is his second least favourite day of the week, so he's not really happy about it.
Chapter 2: Ilya notices Shane acts strangely. He just never remembers.
- Part 1 of HR Time Loop
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,663
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78754816
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Shane cannot remember a time when he didn’t think he was broken.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,328
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78710651
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the first cut was the deepest (and the next one was a soft touch) by only_the_golden
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-30
A flickering light in the locker room sends Shane into a meltdown after his first game against Montreal since joining Ottawa. Title from "Work Out" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise
- Part 6 of Autistic Shane Hollander One-Shots
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,525
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78568296
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“Don’t- yeah. It’s fine. It’s all fine,” Shane snaps, anger written all over his face before it fades to something that Ilya doesn’t recognize. It looks familiar, somehow reminds him of Shane when they had first started hooking up, but he can’t place it. Ilya makes a confused noise at the aggression, and Shane breathes out slowly, some of the tension leaving his body. “Sorry. Some dumb drunk dudes in the stands were bothering me as I was walking out, but I’m okay,” he says. Ilya reaches forward to rub his shoulder, to comfort him, but Shane’s eyes widen and he leans back just the tiniest bit, so Ilya retracts his hand. OR Ilya knows something is wrong, that Shane is hurting, but Shane won't talk to him; in fact, he barely even lets Ilya get near him anymore.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,267
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78340966
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It's the Metros' season; Shane knows it. And no matter how many hits he takes, Shane's always been good at getting back on the ice.
Letting Ilya Rozanov touch his bruised body when he comes off the ice doesn't change anything. It can't; Shane knows that, too.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,848
- Chapters:
- 2/6
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76421561
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His mother stared at him, wide eyed and more than a little panicked. "Shane, honey, what do you remember?"
He searched his mind for a memory of this game, of the injury - but nothing came to him. The pain worsened, and he groaned, clutching his head. Fuck, that hurt.
"Shane, is okay. Don't hurt yourself more, please." Rozanov said. He moved his hand towards Shane's, trying to grasp hold of it.
Shane swatted him away violently, aghast. What the fuck was he playing at?
"Get the fuck off of me, Rozanov."
Both Rozanov and his mother gaped at him.
"Shane-" Rozanov tried again, but Shane wasn't having it.
He was beginning to panic. It was too much; the too-bright blue lights, his mother's panic, the constant beeping of the monitor, the big gaping whole in his memory, the godawful scratchy feeling of the cheap fabric of the hospital gown - it was all making him lose his fucking mind because it was making him itch and too hot and - and worst of all, Ilya fucking Rozanov was trying to hold his hand and call him sweetheart in front of his mom.
(post-book one, shane gets injured & forgets ilya)
- Part 1 of from the inside
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,785
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76200931
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The Hands That Made You by Anonymous
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-20
Ilya has been watching hands his whole life. His father's hands taught him that touch meant pain. His mother's hands were the only gentle ones—until they went cold. Now he has his father's hands, and he's terrified of what they might become.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,367
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77997331
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The Montreal Metros have been on a never before seen losing streak. Desperate, Shane Hollander cuts out anything in his life that could be causing the wins to slip away from them. There's just one vice he can't seem to get rid of. Or, Shane goes to Ilya's hotel room to break up with him after one too many losses. It doesn't exactly go to plan.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,162
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77866086
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Live Through This (And You Won't Look Back) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-18
Shane rolls onto his side and stares at the faint outline of the window. The darkness presses in, but it doesn’t feel as suffocating as usual.
Before he can talk himself out of it, he reaches for his phone. The screen lights up the room, too bright. His thumb hovers for a second, then he opens the thread.
Shane: I think we should tell Scott.
OR:
Scott kissing a man on live television gives Shane and Ilya the courage to do more than just spend the summer together. What starts as coming out to one person suddenly snowballs into something much bigger. It changes everything, except how much they love each other.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 49,912
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Files:
- 5 versions
- AO3:
- #76826231
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Armani, Bvlgari, Louboutin by leiascully
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-16
Ilya recruits Rose to convince Shane to get a new suit for the GLAAD Awards (and later, Ilya takes it off him).
- Part 55 of Hockey Time!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,711
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77616031
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Friendship In Retrospect by Anonymous
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-14
Cliff Marleau gets assigned to keep the new Russian rookie out of trouble. Fifteen years later, he gives a speech at Ilya's wedding.
- Part 1 of A Formal Study of the Heart
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,275
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77644981
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Getting Into the Swim of Things by ultigirl
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-13
After winning the Stanley Cup in Ottawa, Sports Illustrated approaches Shane's team about him posing for their famous swimsuit issue. Recognizing the growing visibility of LGBTQ athletes, they plan to feature soccer super-couple Kristie Mewis and Sam Kerr, diver Tom Daley, runner Nico Young, and several players from the WNBA. Yuna, Shane's mom-anager, thinks it's a great idea to promote diversity for the sport and for Shane personally. For his part, Shane is confused why SI wants him instead of his much sexier husband. Eventually, Shane comes around to the idea.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,076
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77621896
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Things are settling down in Shane's second year with the Centaurs. He's married to the man of his dreams, found his place with the team, and beginning to feel comfortable in his own skin. When Yuna (mom manager extraordinaire) comes to him with an opportunity to do a new campaign for Rolex, she thinks it's a great opportunity to reset the narrative about him in the public eye. Shane isn't so sure because it feels like they are asking him to go backwards.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,064
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77531851
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i never minded being on my own (then something broke in me) by agetwellcard
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-12
“I don’t remember his name. Blond. Russian. Kind of intense.” Shane tries to keep his brain from lingering on memories of Ilya’s hands in his hair. Rose has her mouth open when he looks over at her. “You literally talked to the team captain and you didn’t even know? Shane, that was Ilya Rozanov.” Shane feels like he can’t breathe for a second at the sound of his name. “That sounds right. Yeah.” After a few seconds, Rose holds out her phone. It’s a picture of Ilya she has pulled up from Google. He’s in a hockey uniform but his helmet is off, curly hair glistening with sweat. “This is who you talked to, right?” Shane nods. He hopes that it isn't obvious on his face that he did much more than talking with the man. AU Where Shane Hollander is a rising actor and meets hockey star Ilya Rozanov at a club while celebrating an award show win. Between filming a movie where Shane is playing a gay man and having a casual relationship with Ilya, Shane deals with defining his sexuality and trying not to ruin their casual relationship with his feelings for Ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,485
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77450091
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"Waitt a minute Barrett why'd ya take a drink," Young slurred with his eyes narrowed, "Harris don't play hockey." Well shit. Of course one of the rookies had to notice, those morons never let anything go. So now everyone and their fucking mothers had turned to stare at Troy who could only let out an awkward laugh. Well this sobered him up. "Harris probably wasn't the first guy he slept with you idiot, he grew up playing hockey maybe it was an old teammate," Holmber said to Young whom he was still currently draped over. "Nooo papa Hazy said professional hockey player, so it has to be someone in the league," Young argued back. The rookies had all taken to calling Wyatt variations of dad and followed him around like a bunch of baby ducks. Troy woulda laughed at the endearing nickname was he not about to get his shit rocked by a 6' 3'' Russian in the parking lot. Because of every hockey player Troy Barrett could've slept with he just had to hook up with Shane mother fucking Hollander. ----- Or the Ottawa Centaurs play never have I ever ----- UPDATE
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,119
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77053551
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Women flock to Rozanov; he’s the gravitational centre in every room. Shane gets it. He’s felt it, the shark pull of his orbit. He’s been swallowed up into the belly of desire. What he doesn’t get is how easy it is for Rozanov. Even with Shane’s teammates pooled around him on the dance floor his hands get clammy when a girl in a sequined skirt makes a move on him. Shane used to think maybe he was just awkward; maybe he needed a couple of beers in him to loosen up, but he couldn’t do that during the season. Then Ilya Rozanov kissed him and the craving was so clear in Shane’s mind he was able to visualise every sharp edge of it, and he knew he wanted to be on his knees. 2013. It’s been two years since he and Rozanov hooked up in Nashville and exchanged phone numbers. It’s a month till Boston comes to Montreal and Rozanov’s promise of ‘next time’ could go into fulfilment. Shane Hollander wants to play hockey. He wants to play it well. The other thing is a thing he cannot allow himself to want.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,952
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77499916