141 – 160 of 204 Works in Depressed Ilya Rozanov
- Depressed Ilya Rozanov ×
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what we hold when we cannot mend by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-17
He holds out the cigarettes and lighter in one hand and the vodka glass in the other, and Ilya looks at him, surprise evident in his hazel eyes even in the dim light.
“What?” Shane grins. “Didn’t think I knew about your secret stash?”
Ilya’s smile back almost reaches his eyes, and he takes Shane’s offerings without a word.
Flint strikes and with a flick of flame, a different type of smoke starts to fill the air, floating slowly up into the trees.
Normally, Shane would wait inside until Ilya finished his cigarette, but today, he sits and leans his head on Ilya’s shoulder, willing to make the concession.
“I hate this day,” Ilya says, his face once again stony, while he lets out a long puff of smoke into the cooling air around them.
“I know,” Shane says, his fingers tracing along the soft fabric of Ilya’s sweats. “I hate it for you.”
It’s the same every year on the anniversary of his mother’s death. A long day spent with few words and deep sighs bleeds into nightfall. They sit and look out over the water, ghosts flickering across Ilya’s eyes like the firelight around them.
___Or Ilya hates this day. Shane hates it for him. They sit together anyway.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,516
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77847726
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today i'm empty, my love by kenhinasuga
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-13
Galina has warned him it wouldn’t always be that way, that love isn’t a miracle drug. Ilya would nod his way through the lecture. Yes, he’s still sad sometimes when Shane is right there, but it’s easy to forget when Shane smiles at him, holds his hand just because, tells him I love you, drops to his knees. Distractions, Galina would shake her head, disapproving and understanding at the same time. But Ilya really thought it’s enough, wanted to believe so badly that for him love does fix everything. He knows the crashes after seeing Shane are always the worst. So empty and meaningless, sadness a knife splitting him open until the void threatens to consume him, its ugly head baring teeth. Ilya’s luck has run out. Or: Ilya has a bad depressive episode when he's at the cottage with Shane.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,706
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77627316
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Shane and Ilya have been together--officially-- for two years, and it's been going relatively well despite all the itty-bitty bumps on the road. Having to date in secret is never 'light and breezy'. It's definitely not light and breezy when Shane's childhood best friend visits. It's okay at first, nudged shoulders and inside jokes Ilya didn't understand. The second the nudges got too intimate, when the jokes got too sexual is when he realized something was off. He stays quiet, plays along, tries his fucking hardest not to punch Nathan goddamn Hales square in his annoyingly handsome face. When Ilya does talk to Shane about it, admittedly in the worst way possible, a fight breaks out. regrettable word choices are made, and a door is shut. And it was all Nathan fucking Hales fault.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,223
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76687291
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“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Rozy.” That was a lie; he knew perfectly well what was wrong with him, he just wouldn’t admit it to himself. “I thought therapy would help, and I also thought winning the cup would help, but I guess we’re both just too fucked in the head for that.” Ilya laughs softly, nodding. or Shane Hollander studied through conversations, interactions, and therapy. or Shane accidentally gets diagnosed with autism
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,726
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77628031
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I Do Not Have Wings (Love, I Never Will) by Sea_Sea9000
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-12
Ilya told Shane's family that he talked to Scott Hunter. He didn't tell them when. Scott and Ilya and the times they met up on rooftops over the years.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,167
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77528151
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Ilya knew sadness could kill, and it could do it quietly like it took his mother. So he stayed charming, desirable, and useful. He never asked for reassurance, didn’t get needy. He would never admit he needed Shane. Right?
- Part 3 of Amiera's Hollanov
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,586
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77567096
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Shane nearly stops himself right there, runs through all of the ways he could navigate away from the question, but when he opens his mouth it comes right out anyway. "Was he hard on you too?" Or Ilya had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. He just hadn’t expected it to be about this, hadn’t expected, or maybe simply refused to accept, that his father would somehow still hurt him beyond the grave, that the punches and split lips and broken ribs would still, impossibly, ache within him after all this time. or Shane tries to talk to Ilya about his past. It doesn't go as planned.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,313
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77575121
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“I do sometimes still think about how my life would have been if I never got injured,” Shane started to whisper. Ilya looked at him, he was focused on the ceiling. He grabbed his hand and placed it over his own chest. “But, you know, I’m glad that it led me here. To you,” the fondness that laced his tone opened Ilya in half. Ilya laid on his side, so he could contemplate him better. The sigh of Shane naked, only with the light sheet covering little of his modesty had something divine about it. “Maybe we could have met either way.” AU where neither of them play professional hockey but they make their way to each other eventually (Kids' coach shane and uncle ilya fall in love one practice at a time -and gay bar flirting-)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,964
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77411966
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To Sleep, Perchance to Dream by papisadhu
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-11
In some cruel twist of fate, Ilya can only recall his mother’s face in his nightmares.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,944
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77483526
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lost color in my face by Pale_Blue
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-11
“Do not worry,” Ilya breathed against his lips. As if Shane had a choice in the matter. As if worry hadn’t kept Shane awake past midnight for weeks, as if he wasn’t scared to leave the house for too long in case Ilya did something stupid in his absence. He’d promised he wouldn’t. Several times over. Shane wanted to believe him, he did, but the worse Ilya’s depression got the more hollow the promise felt. “I always worry about you,” Shane said softly, pushing Ilya’s hair back from his forehead.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,446
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77500956
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Toska (frozen tears) by Birds On a Concrete Wall (AmetistLex)
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-11
New Year holidays and wishes haven't been the same since he became twelve, but Ilya wanted to try and recreate that faint feeling he craved with Shane this year. He freed his schedule, bought decorations for the cottage and planned the activities for their short holiday, even fresh snow just fell from the sky — but today things turned out the way they did. Ilya could tell Shane felt guilty, so he reassured him it was okay to go and manage his career. It was. It still is. Ilya is the one who is not okay. * He shouldn't be feeling this way, but somehow, Ilya feels more fragile than a colorful bauble on a tree.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,213
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77505926
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Shitty Mornings are Better Together by CaNiTOuCHyoUrMaNgoEs
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-11
Mornings suck. Especially injured at 6:00 am on the road when your husband is having an off day and there’s nothing you can do to fix it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,317
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77527416
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When his parents asked him what was wrong, he simply replied that he was tired, because how could he tell the men who gave him life that he didn't want it anymore? In other words, Ilya's worst nightmare is coming true. Sometimes he wished that depression wasn't hereditary.
- Part 6 of Little Ice Flower
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,266
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77441136
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before those hands pulled me from the earth by byulelle
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-10
It was a start, Shane knew that. And no matter what happened, he’d help Ilya. Always, as promised forever. They were going to win a hundred more Stanleys, retire, have children, and grow old together. The soil was damp, cold, and suffocating as the other digs into the earth with bare hands, with a single-minded intensity to free each ragged and stifled breath from the clutches of the loam. And with a new dawning of the sun, Ilya would find himself feeling its rays. Tonight wasn’t a good night, but tomorrow was a new day. ; 5 tells and signs Ilya is going through a depressive episode, and the ways Shane tries to help him through it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,344
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77437541
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I’ve Seen Love Die, Way Too Many Times by orphan_account
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-10
Kinda AU where Shane and Ilya are forced to discuss their mental health issues before TLG? Shane goes to surprise visit Ilya a month after he’s moved to Ottawa only to find that his mental health isn’t great. Shane’s isn’t either after a health scare and he’s forced to focus his exercise behaviors with Ilya. (TW ED/discussion of suicidal thoughts).
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,123
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77413696
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Ilya could count the number of times they had met on one hand, and they had only been playing in the NHL for a few months, so he had to have misheard him. He grabbed the remote and went back a few seconds, and he was certain. Shane had just said “Ilya”, on national television, in French, and Ilya was sure he was going to die from the massive rush of blood that shot to his dick. This made no sense. Why would Shane, who had never called him anything except Rozanov, start calling him by his first name to a random French lady on some Wednesday? TL; DR: 5 times Ilya interpreted the French translation of “there is” (which is il y a) as Shane Hollander saying his first name and one time Shane actually did say it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,024
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77352146
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i love you, ya tebya lyublyu, je t'aime by moonlightdances
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-09
“Because I can’t fucking do this, Ilya. I’m going to my parents’, I- I need a break, alright? Shit.” Shane’s gaze locked onto his keys and he picked them up, stalking towards the door. He needed a break from the arguing and he needed to go somewhere he could breathe and collect his thoughts, so he could process this correctly and talk about it with Ilya civilly. Everything was still suffocating and overwhelming and Shane needed out, needed to go sit in his car and drive in silence to his parents’ place. - Ilya had seen enough breakups to know what one looked like. Shane ignored him, and looked irritated, and said he couldn’t do this (this, like everything between them could be reduced to a single word other than love), and said he needed a break (his confidence in Ilya’s English was comforting up until Ilya realised it meant Shane didn’t feel the need to say the dramatic I’m breaking up with you that characterised the ends of relationships). or, hollanov fight and misunderstandings resulting in an injury ensue
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,163
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77355746
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Your Fireworks Set Me Off by hollanovbaby
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
2026-01-09
Two scenes that should have been in The Long Game, OR the time Shane and Ilya really spoke about Ilya's depression and the time Ilya suggested Shane sees other people
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,169
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77342421
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The bitter cold by TheQueenoftheAbyss
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-08
Shane Hollander is young, fit and healthy, he works out, he plays hockey, he eats a ridiculously healthy diet. Shane Hollander dies on the ice at age 30. - Shane’s body is cold. Ilya’s heart is cold.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,828
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77287056
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“Hm. Interesting,” the nurse stated as Ilya shifted in the bed. “You had a spinal cord injury four years ago, correct?” Ah, shit. “Yep,” Ilya shifted again, looking directly at the nurse. His eyes flickered but he didn’t look away from Ilya. “And, according to the paramedics, you fell directly on your back. Your head hit first, according to what the bartender who called emergency services said. So, I’ll ask again. Are you feeling better, Mr. Rozanov?” After an injury that took hockey away from Ilya, life doesn't seem to have anything much to give him. Little does he know, his attempt to get out of life ends up being the reason he stays in it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,271
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76696296