381 – 400 of 605 Works in Angst
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what do you say to a brand-new ghost? by Sapphic_terror
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-16
Ilya did not want to die. It’s a natural thought as the plane seems to fall around him. He’s twenty-nine, he does not want to die. It’s the intensity that surprises him, the desperate need clawing at his heart, pressing against his ribs, surging in his throat. He’s choking on it, aching with it, burning with it. The plane is falling around him, and he wants to live so badly it’s all he can see. - Or, The Plane Crash nearly goes as wrong as possible when Shane's game is cancelled, and he sees Ilya's messages in real time. To make matters worse, Ilya spends fifteen minutes falling out of the sky and mourning all that he would never have. Or, Ilya's pov of i pray this love changes me (this grief will) ft. the very confused but supportive Centaurs
- Part 3 of found family *hockey edition
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,759
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77746396
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Ilya looks at him, that carefree smirk pulling at his lips, and time slows. JJ is barreling toward Ilya, and it’s obvious he hasn’t processed that Ilya’s turned away from him. And Ilya, oh God Ilya can’t see, and the world is moving at a snail’s pace around Shane but there’s no time, he can’t open his mouth to warn him and— —and JJ collides harshly with Ilya, sending him richocheting into the boards and Shane's world stops. -- Or, what if it was Ilya who was hurt instead of Shane?
- Part 1 of i can't seem to not need to need you
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,758
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77708326
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They call it a Lucid Interval. A brief moment of clarity after a traumatic brain injury where the patient appears fine. Awake. Alert. Happy.
After the hit, Shane Hollander wakes up. He jokes with the nurses. He smiles at Ilya. He makes plans for the summer.
Ilya Rozanov just outed himself to the entire world on live television to save him, but he can't save him from this. Shane isn't getting better. He is dying. And these are the last conversations they will ever have.
A story about the hit, the confession, and the long, slow silence that followed.
They weren't saying goodbye to each other; Ilya was too confident that Shane would win.
Shane loved winning.
He lost, the first lost that Ilya didn't enjoy.
Because he only left Ilya to suffer more.
(finished, all done)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,162
- Chapters:
- 5/?
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77633871
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you can’t always get what you want by swans
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-15
Ilya stumbles back, blindly reaching for the door. “You should call your girlfriend. I will — ” Shane’s head turns fully to look at him. The look in his eyes is devastating. Ilya’s hand, slick with sweat, slips. “I don’t want Rose,” Shane gasps. “I want you.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,446
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77720086
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my only angel by sunnysalutations
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-15
Shane sees an article about Ilya with a mystery woman, and proceeds to spiral out of control in a jealous rage.
- Part 2 of off the ice (smutty hollanov one shots)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,784
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77737606
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call my heart its home by maycollins
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-15
Shane wanted to respect Ilya’s request for space. Shane wanted to get the fuck out of here. Shane couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move at all. He was frozen - from his lungs to his feet. Everything except his hands which were shaking. He should leave, but he wasn’t even sure how much longer his legs would be able to support him, and driving seemed like a bad idea in this state. What if Shane stayed after the Boxing Day fight. Basically an exploration of the age old question - what if they just, like, talked about their feelings? (And also went to Bood's party after all).
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,221
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77707881
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the winner takes it all (the loser has to fall) by foxesjosten
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-14
“Shane, shit, don’t look now.” Rose says. “Paparazzi?” Shane guesses. They’d been on them for weeks. He was no stranger to some pictures here and there, but being with Rose was different. She couldn’t walk down the block without someone shoving a camera in her face. He hoped they hadn’t followed them here. He didn’t want to be at this club and he definitely didn’t want to be photographed. “No,” Rose says. Something in her tone makes Shane turn. It’s not worry exactly, but something in that family, a pace to the left. Concern? Trouble? He tries to follow her eyes, tries to catch what she sees. It’s no use. He doesn’t see until it’s too late. “It’s Ilya Rozanov.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,969
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77104401
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You're just thinkin' it's a small thing that happened (the world ended when it happened to me) by stanzyts
Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-14
He isn’t in control. Everything feels cold and distant and empty. Shane stares at his shaking hand, loosely gripping the door handle, and begs it to move, turn, so he can get away. He can’t be here anymore, and yet there is nowhere else he’d rather be. He’s suffocating; there is no air left in this room, he’s sure of it. He tilts forward without meaning to, leaning his forehead against the door, trying to stay upright. Or, Shane experiences subdrop after the events in Vegas, because he absolutely would.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,235
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77661191
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Come Back (I Still Need You) by velminort
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-13
After the miracle recovery, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander are back together. One day, Shane gets a phonecall from Ilya's doctor. She asks Shane to come in immediately, alone. He is scared shitless. Turns out, there is no need to be because Captain Rozanov is clearly back in the game. And he can skate again. *** This is a part of my on-going "Hold On (I Still Want You)" series and cannot really be read as stand-alone, therefore I strongly recommend getting the context from the first fic!
- Part 2 of Hold On (I Still Want You)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,516
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77610146
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Shane Hollander was no violent man. He didn't fight on the ice, which he could. Really even he should. It’d certainly be a good excuse for Shane to touch Ilya more. Their collective rivalry branding surely would do well with them fighting from time to time. When Ilya slammed him into the rink wall last January or so (during his period with Rose) the commentators went wild. There were gifs of it all over Twitter. But if anything Shane Hollander was notable expressly because he didn’t fight on the ice, nor off. Even when provoked.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,861
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77422931
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Shane ignores the slow apparition of colours his sight was missing. Ilya does not understand why he keeps buying ginger beer. Or how to accept you are in love, one soulmark at a time.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,478
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77634206
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im still fighting for you by mightyd0lphin
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-13
“How fast were you driving?” Shane asked. Ilya groaned, rolling his eyes. “A normal speed.” “You can’t have been driving a normal speed. I was driving at a normal speed, and you beat me here.” “Yes, second time tonight I beat you.” Shane glared at him, but went and opened his front door anyway. As soon as it clicked shut, Ilya was pressing him up against the wall, his mouth on Shane’s neck. ~~ or: they got through the immediate storm of ilya being outed. now shane must learn to be a little bit braver, and ilya must learn to talk a little more
- Part 2 of love takes miles
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,371
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77623266
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“You fainted,” Ilya says. “You barely eat. And now you are-“ He gestures vaguely at the mirror, at Shane, at everything. “Explain.” Shane swallows. His heart is pounding again, but this time it’s not dizziness, it’s fear. Real, gut-deep fear. “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he says. “I just… I needed to get better.” Ilya’s brow furrows. “You are the best center in the league.” Shane laughs weakly. “Yeah. On the ice.” *** Shane struggles with the hate he’s receiving online. He limits his eating, he overworks, trying to prove to the world, and himself, that he deserves Ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,573
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77581566
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give me a chance to say what i need by bangtwicetea
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-12
Shane Hollander tripped. His teammates think he didn't. Shane has had enough.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,211
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77548886
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I wish I was there, too. by babyharpsealsarecoolyeah
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-12
March 15, 2020. The entire Ottawa Centaurs team is mandated to quarantine in New York, as Harris Drover tested positive with COVID during the Centaurs’ away game against the New York Admirals. This includes Ilya Rozanov, who is quarantining with Luca Haas in a shabby hotel room. Shane Hollander, on the other hand, moved into the cottage with his parents to hide from all the chaos. How will Shane and Ilya keep in touch and stay sane while the whole world is on lockdown? —OR— Hollanov Covid 19 Pandemic AU
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,193
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77155316
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Ilya knew sadness could kill, and it could do it quietly like it took his mother. So he stayed charming, desirable, and useful. He never asked for reassurance, didn’t get needy. He would never admit he needed Shane. Right?
- Part 3 of Amiera's Hollanov
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,586
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77567096
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Ilya sees a lot of things about Shane that he never has to tell him. He can tell when Shane can’t deal with the casual touches. He never pushes him about his insane urges to get up at 5 AM to go for a run. Even in the off-season. And he especially avoids any and all direct talk about food. Or at least how weird Shane is about food. But it’s been getting worse. Sometimes, when the spiralling in his brain is impossible to break out of, Shane will stand in the kitchen, staring at his fridge, counting and calculating proportions and calories, and will feel like nothing he could possibly eat would be good for him. Like every single piece of food in his house, will come with a negative repercussion that will ruin his entire life. Because hockey is everything. And if Shane doesn’t have this body, then he can’t play hockey. And then what is he good for?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,853
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77568461
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Some nights, alone in another anonymous hotel room, Shane scrolls through old photos on his phone. His face rounder. His smile easier. He tries to remember what it felt like not to think about food at all. The memory feels fuzzy, distant, like something that happened to a different version of him. He wonders—briefly, dangerously—if Ilya would notice if he got worse. Not better. Not “healthier.” Worse.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,551
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77544341
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Ilya spends the night after Shane's concussion unable to sleep and obsessively checking for updates until he can't take it anymore. Ilya lay staring up at the dark ceiling of his hotel room, unable to sleep. He had checked his phone a dozen times since lying down, each time thinking that surely an hour or two had passed only to discover it had been fifteen minutes or less since the last time. It was after 2am now and at some point he needed to admit to himself that he simply wasn’t going to sleep tonight. “Blyat,” he swore beneath his breath. He rolled onto his side and grabbed his phone off the nightstand, accidentally yanking the charging cord out of the wall. He swore softly. With shaking fingers he unlocked the screen and refreshed the google search still pulled up from the last dozen attempts: Shane Hollander injury update There was nothing new. The same CBC report from four hours ago, the TSN one from three. The Metros had posted to twitter as soon as the game ended, but all they’d said was that Shane had been taken to the hospital for evaluation. There was a reddit thread but it was full of speculation that Ilya knew not to read and did so anyway. That too had gone quiet when all the Canadians went to sleep hours ago. He opened his messages from “Jane,” thumb hovering over the keyboard, but what would he say? How are you? I hope you’re okay? I miss you? If Hollander was okay he would have texted. It was a concussion, it had to be a concussion. Nobody took a hit like that without bruising their brain at least a little. But what if it was worse? What if Hollander was in a coma, just drifting in the darkness alone, not knowing what was happening? Ilya wanted to swear; he wanted to throw his phone across the room; he wanted to scream. But Marleau was snoring on the bed next to his and if he started letting it all out he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop. He didn’t want to have to explain to Marleau—or the hotel staff— why he’d decided to flip over the bed and throw the lamp through the window. He rolled onto his back and let his phone fall against his chest, the glow of it winking out. This was torture. This was worse than any loss, any practice, any beating Alexei had ever given him. This was worse than… Fuck. He couldn’t do this anymore—any of it. It hurt all the damn time and it was never going to get better. He rolled out of bed, hunting around for a t-shirt. He had a vague idea of going down to the gym to work out until he was too tired to keep his eyes open any longer, but that made him think of Hollander and the night after they’d both been drafted. The night Ilya had made the first, cautious overtures that had led to…all this. On a whim, he grabbed his coat off the back of a chair and shrugged it on before carefully opening the hotel room door and stepping out into the hallway. He stood in the shadows of Rue de la Gauchetière, gazing up at the dark windows of Hollander’s condo. He’d never seen it from the front and it looked…boring. He shivered, huddling deeper into his coat. 3am was perhaps not the best time to be wandering the streets of Montreal in early spring. It wasn’t exactly winter in Moscow, but it was decidedly nippy, and he hadn’t thought to bring a hat. This was idiotic. What was there to gain by coming here? What he wanted was to go to the hospital, to charm his way past the receptionist and slip into Hollander’s room when nobody would be around to know. He could stay for hours, just sitting by his bedside, holding his hand… And then what? It was an impossible dream and he knew it. He fidgeted at the sidewalk with his toe, wishing he’d brought a cigarette. Hollander’s family was probably there with him anyhow. They would support him. They would love him. He didn’t need Ilya and his bullshit feelings coming in and making a mess everywhere. He didn’t want to see Ilya like this; he wanted strength, confidence, sex. He wouldn’t want…this. “Blyat.” He jogged across the street, hands thrust in his pockets, breath making great plumes in the night air. It took him a moment to find the keypad, discreetly hidden beneath a panel that blended in with the door. 1-9-1-9 There was a moment’s hesitation in which Ilya held his breath, then the panel gave a little chirp and the door released with a soft click. Ilya let himself in. He climbed the marble stairs, hand on the wrought iron bannister, trying not to make a noise. Hollander’s condo was at the top and the same code opened the door there. He stepped inside and felt a rush of something, like the first drag on a cigarette, the spark of knowing he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to drifting on a current of soothing familiarity. This place felt like Shane, it smelled like Shane. Ilya nearly fell to his knees right there in the entryway but Russian stubbornness kept him upright, knees locked. For a time he simply stood there, breathing in and out. Eventually, a tingling numbness began to spread up his legs and he felt the heaviness of his muscles pulling him downward. With effort he dragged one foot forward, followed by another. He would never make it upstairs to the bed, but there was a ridiculously long sofa
- Part 5 of Heated Rivalry Show: Missing Scenes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,270
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77502051
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Shane starts learning Russian in secret after their rookie season, and doesn’t tell anyone. It means he can understand Ilya’s Russian when they speak on the phone while Ilya is in Moscow for his father’s funeral.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,331
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77465046