321 – 340 of 455 Works in Humor

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  1. “That man has a boyfriend,” Rose says, certain.

    “He does,” Rae agrees easily, their voice equally certain.

    “He’s never gonna tell me who it is,” Rose says.

    “Definitely not,” they agree.

    “I’m gonna figure it out,” Rose says.

    Rae doesn’t comment on that, just dips their sponge back into the blue paint. Silently begins to layer it over the back of Rose’s hand, carefully dabbing to make sure that it fills the creases of her knuckles, the dips between each finger.

    It’s impressive, really, how much doubt Rae manages to communicate though the gentle press of a sponge.

    Whatever. Rose figured out Shane’s sexuality before he did. It shouldn’t be that much more difficult for her to figure out who his boyfriend was. She does have excellent gaydar after all. Though she really wishes it would more frequently kick in before she started sleeping with yet another gay man.

     

    Or, Shane Hollander has a boyfriend. Rose is going to find out who it is, one way or another.

    Language:
    English
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    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77841321
  2. “I’m sorry, what's going on?” Shane asked. “I am presenting,” Ilya said, reaching for the envelope in Shane’s hands. Shane pulled his arm back before Ilya could snatch it. “No,” Shane said with a laugh, “I’m pretty sure I am.” Ilya sighed in frustration, rolling his eyes as he pulled a folded sheet of paper from his pocket. “Look at the schedule!” He pointed dramatically. “Hollander–Rozanov!” “Uh, no,” Shane said, putting his finger to the page. “It says Hollander–Rozanov.” - Years after Vegas and after coming out, Shane and Ilya are asked to present at the NHL Awards again. (just a fluffy drabble I came up with playing on Hollander-Rozanov as a last name)

    Language:
    English
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    1,198
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    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77760096
  3. Seeing Red by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-01-16

    “You're Shane Hollander. His boyfriend. You’re the reason he bailed on his team. Became a fucking pansy who-” Shane’s fist, which he hadn’t even realised he’d pulled back in preparation to strike, is captured in a firm grasp and gently lowered. He smells the familiar scent of Ilya’s cologne and then feels Ilya’s chin rest against his shoulder. -- Most people think that of the two of them, Ilya is the violent one. They would be wrong. (They both are)

    Language:
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    1,140
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77782591
  4. swim to me by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-01-16

    While at the cottage, Shane takes Ilya on an evening kayak ride across the lake. It goes super well, obviously, because they’re both extremely athletic and extremely mature individuals. “Well? Get in!” Shane said. “I will fall over,” Ilya said. “No, you won’t. You’re a professional athlete and I’m holding the boat. Don’t be a baby.”

    Language:
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    Words:
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    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77790566
  5. "What could Hollander possibly need with Boston social media lady?” Rozanov asked. “Shane’s in love with her,” Hayden said. Rozanov’s face did something very weird. -- Or: after becoming a bit obsessed with solving the Mystery of Boston Lily, Hayden thinks he finally has it figured out. She must work for the Boston Raiders. Now all he has to do is find her next time he's in Boston and tell her that her and Shane shouldn't have to hide their relationship. Problem is, the only person he can find is Ilya Rozanov, and Rozanov is being a real dick about the whole thing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,245
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77774476
  6. “You have pretty eyes,” Shane says, staring directly into his. “My eyes are not pretty. I am not the pretty one,” Ilya teases, his own hand coming to hold the one Shane still presses against his cheek. “You have a pretty dick,” Shane retorts and Ilya snorts. “Well, I cannot argue that.” -- Shane is once again, hospital-bound and high as a kite. This time, Ilya can enjoy it a bit more.

    Language:
    English
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    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77732571
  7. Shane and Ilya take a trip down memory lane, as told through the joys of filling out legal documentation.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,985
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77654896
  8. “Stupid Canadian claw machines,” Ilya murmurs, flipping the claw machine off. “Is like Vegas slot machines; I did not know there was gambling for kids.” Or: Shane realizes Ilya doesn't know what claw machines are and takes him to them

    Language:
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    2,381
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77660446
  9. Shane: I’ve never wanted to share it since our timeline is so…complicated
    Hayden: Is it? You were fucking, then you dated, then you got married. Normal progression!
    Shane: I don’t think the “fucking” part of that equation is usually 7 years

    In which the Voyageurs’ secret homophobic group chat leaks, Shane decides it might be time to tell the world how long he’s been seeing Ilya, and said world loses their shit.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
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    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77439426
  10. “ a promise you’ll stay / and i start to believe . “ or Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander make their late-night TV debut together.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,725
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77596296
  11. Coffee Bean by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-01-13

    Shane doesn’t believe in hockey, fate, or men like Ilya Rozanov. Unfortunately, none of them care.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,847
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77089936
  12. Shane tries his best to focus on the game, but Ilya Rozanov is making it increasingly hard to pay attention to anything but him. or Five times Ilya Rozanov tries to get Shane's attention while on the ice, and the one time Shane gives it to him.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77639971
  13. "I play,” Ilya said, his voice a deadpan rasp, “because if I do not play, my father make me work at potato factory. I hate potatoes. I want to buy car that goes fast enough to scare God." Or Clips and photos of Ilya's teenage years in Russia get leaked.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
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    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77566066
  14. If the Hollander-Rozanov family kept a diary of their boring lives, these would be the things they would write about. or The one where Shane and Ilya become parents, and their life is boring in the most perfect way

    Language:
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    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77575986
  15. [Shane fishes around the bowl before pulling out a scrap of paper. He clears his throat and begins to read aloud.] Shane: I want Shane Hollander to- Shane: [looking up at the camera. His expression is shocked.] Oh my God? Shane: [speaking to someone off camera] Are you sure I can say this on camera? Harris: [off camera] Yes. Shane: Okay. Shane: [takes a deep breath]. Shane: I want Shane Hollander to f*ck me so hard I get sent to A&E. Shane: [blushing] Harris are you sure this is appropriate for the team social media? Shane: [frowning] Aren’t there any tweets about hockey or something? (the centaurs read thirst tweets)

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    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77528106
  16. PopCrave @PopCrave Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander set to battle it out AGAIN for the #1 spot on this week's Apple Music Charts. [Attached are two photos from their latest concerts. Ilya is dripping in sweat, microphone in hand and a cheeky, toothy grin on his face. Hands are reaching up from the audience to worship him like they’re in gospel. Shane’s stage is swamped in a deep blue light, it’s just him with a bass guitar on stage. His eyes are closed and the crowd has their flashlights pointed towards him.] or Shane and Ilya are rival popstars coming through the ranks. People online are just a little obsessed with them.

    Language:
    English
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    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77479966
  17. Ilya wants to know if Shane would still love him if he were a worm. A question that requires a lot of consideration. --- 'Yes, I would love you if you were a worm,' Shane lied and stroked Ilya's hair softly. He leaned down closer, 'I'd love you even if you were a better hockey player than me.' It was a sign of Ilya's state of consciousness that he didn't rise to this bait, only shifted his head and pushed his lips out to plant a kiss on Shane's thigh. He sighed contentedly, snuggling into Shane and back into a deep sleep.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,662
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77485826
  18. Hayden - well, Jackie - finally works out what was going on during that phone call...

    Language:
    English
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    1,473
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77524596
  19. Jackie No offence but this is not what I expected from Shane’s girlfriend. Lily (Shane) I know he is so boring and I am so fun Lily (Shane) But opposites attract is the saying, no? Lily (Shane) Also I am not girlfriend Jackie Why not!! Jackie Sorry that was nosy Lily (Shane) Is okay Lily (Shane) Is complicated Lily (Shane) But I cannot let him go because he gives head like champion Jackie Girl!!!!!! (spreading the jackie & ilya bestie gospel!) Inspired by please leave a message by subcorax

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,547
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77451876
  20. Call Me Maybe by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-01-11

    Ilya's continuing adventures as a member of the Montreal WAGs group chat.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,718
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77290071
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