21 – 40 of 75 Works in References to Depression
- References to Depression ×
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Before practice, Shane is caught off guard by the devastating news of an abrupt plane crash that took the lives of five Raiders players, including Ilya's. Unable to explain his grief to those closest to him, he retreats into himself, becoming a ghost of the person they loved until he's pushed to the brink of his own unmanageable pain.
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“The Raiders Plane Crashed,” was what he had heard in the locker room. From Comeau, specifically.
Shane was pretty sure he kept talking, but if he was being honest, he didn’t hear anything past that. He just stared at his teammate’s lips moving, no sound seeming to reach his ears aside from the heavy thudding of his own heartbeat in them. There was this urge to snatch the phone out of his hand and read the news article for himself growing as the locker room managed to warp around him. But he couldn’t move, fear paralyzing him.
“You alright?” Hayden questioned, his voice tearing through the sharp silence his mind had forced upon him.
Shane flinched as he felt his friends hand on his shoulder, the sudden contact making him even more ill to his stomach. He didn’t dare try to nod or lie and say he was.
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- English
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- 1
- AO3:
- #82234791
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make the water your bones by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-22
After Ilya's plane crashes in the ocean, no one knows if the hockey star is alive or dead. Shane sets out to find him and reconcile their relationship.
***COMPLETE!***
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- English
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- 59,873
- Chapters:
- 20/20
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- 1
- AO3:
- #80819946
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Uploaded to one of the biggest sports broadcasts in the entire industry, the Metro's are blindsided when texts between Shane and Rozanov are leaked one afternoon. They're even more surprised to find how many they have, how far back they span, and just how intimate they are.
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“You know what I’m thinking about?” JJ asked with no specific person in mind.
“Please don’t say Ilya’s thighs,” Hayden pleaded, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“First of all, ew, no,” he replied instantly. “Second of all, don’t call him Ilya, it’s weird.”
“It’s his name!” Hayden retorted, defensively. “We should get used to using it considering he and Shane are…you know.”
Sleeping together sounded crass, but dating seemed too romantic, too. Not that there hadn’t been some pretty romantic texts to sort through. He couldn’t really figure out what the word that felt best was, or if there even was one.
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- 8,745
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- AO3:
- #81662821
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“I’m sorry I’m not him,” Shane says, looking away.
“Who?”
“Future me. Whoever you fell in love with.” What’s unsaid hangs in the air: whoever fell in love with you. Because this Shane – 2010 Shane – doesn’t love him. Is amused by their daily lessons, comforted by his presence, even grateful. But love?
“That’s the thing, Shane,” Ilya says. His eyes are shining. “You are, right now, exactly who I fell in love with.”
In 2031, Shane wakes up in the hospital certain that it's 2010. Ilya is there to remind him of the two decades he's missed and the life they've built along the way.
- Part 1 of All the Smallest Things
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- English
- Words:
- 40,790
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- 20/20
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79716356
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love in exile has nowhere to go by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-03-18
“We’ve made a trade,” Coach announces. “For Shane Hollander.”
It’s like the ground drops out from beneath Ilya, and his heart falls from his chest. It tumbles past rock bottom, down to the cavern that shattered open inside of him on that night five years ago. The night when Ilya walked away from Hollander for the last time.
He can’t breathe.
(Or: Shane doesn’t get hurt, they break up, and they don’t talk for five long years. Until Shane is traded to Ottawa.)
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- English
- Words:
- 22,904
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- 1/1
- Files:
- 4 versions
- AO3:
- #81445546
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Shane Hollander was smart. Shane Hollander was strong. But when Shane Hollander's defenses are down, he is surprisingly easy to kidnap, if you are stupid enough to do so.
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- English
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- 31,452
- Chapters:
- 10/?
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- 1
- AO3:
- #79889891
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"I told him to pick up milk," Shane sobbed, the sound hysterical and broken. "That’s the last thing I said to him. ‘Pick up some milk on the way home.’ I didn't say I loved him. I didn't say stay. I didn't even look him in the eye because I was frustrated with the loss. I just told him to buy fucking milk." Ilya Rozanov has always been a master of control. Of the puck, of the media, of his own jagged edges. But lately, the edges have started to blur. The "Czar" is retreating, leaving behind a house that looks like a museum and a husband who is starting to feel like a stranger. When the last of Ilya's mess is cleared away and his ring is left behind like a final period at the end of a sentence, Shane has to face the terrifying truth: Ilya doesn't think he’s leaving a hole behind, he thinks he’s cleaning one up. Kinda compliant to The Long Game, but before Ilya talks about his depression with Shane, or goes to seek help.
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- English
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- 4,700
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- 1
- AO3:
- #80550846
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Ilya gets quiet sometimes. He’s such a boisterous and loudly excited person that when it goes away, it’s like a vacuum has sucked the air out of the room. And Shane will never tell him that–it would do more harm than help–but it’s true. He loves every version of Ilya, including this one. But there is something young about his cocky arrogance and brightness that reminds Shane of their years wanting and wanting and not having. Or, I somehow made a cock warming fic that doubles as an Ilya mental health study.
- Part 11 of My 30-Days of Anon HR Freak Shit
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- English
- Words:
- 6,038
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- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80212411
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headfirst into shallow pools by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-24
Shane returns from the showers to find the locker room far more animated than when he left it. Everyone has their phones out, and when he sees Shane coming, JJ says, “Câlisse, Hollander, about fucking time! Ilya Rozanov got caught kissing a man.”
After the tuna melt debacle, but before Rose, Ilya makes the reckless decision to go to a gay bar to take his mind off of Shane. When photographs get published, Shane has a realization and devises a plan: he's going to ask Ilya Rozanov to marry him.
Ilya's going through enough without things he can't have being dangled in front of him. He needs to figure out a different way to avoid going home, because eventually Shane Hollander will realize what Ilya already knows: Ilya isn't worth what Shane wants to do for him.
- Part 1 of shallow pools-verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,280
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77362561
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“Sometimes, I wish he was a worse person,” Ilya admits one night, while he and Yuna are doing the dishes. Shane and Ilya had come over for chicken parmesan, and it had been a lovely dinner, right up until David, clearing the plates, mentioned that he had met a guy at the store the other day who was a big fan of Shane’s, had a kid who idolized him.
David asked if Shane could sign a piece of merchandise for him, maybe record a video. Shane said yes, because he had a rule, about doing things for child fans. Now, Shane was off shooting a video while Ilya did the dishes, and Ilya already knew the way it would require Shane to drag his public face up from the depths of his stomach, the work it would take him to shed it afterwards, the way it would taint this evening.
- Part 15 of my anonymous heated rivalry fic
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- English
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- 5,546
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- 1/1
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- AO3:
- #80125436
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Roz is out of his gear much faster than he usually is and he’s unlocking his phone with an urgency as if something were on fire. “Bro, you good?” Cliff asks while he’s still in the process of getting out of his own gear. Ilya looks up from his phone with a somewhat wild look in his eyes. “I cannot reach Jane.” Ilya says and there’s nearly no volume to it at all. It's more of a whisper than anything else. Cliff Marlow notices some things and connects some dots.
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- English
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- 25,648
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- 7/8
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78701706
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the old religion, humming in your veins by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-22
Ilya feels like a zombie; he’s an approximation of something living.
He knows what this is, of course. He isn’t stupid. He was just a child when he watched the life bleed out of his mama, long before she stopped breathing. He watched her sweet smiles grow hollow, and her kind eyes fall blank. He felt her slipping through his fingertips like grains of sand in an hourglass; her time was up before Ilya had truly even realised that it was running out.
When he looks in the mirror, he sees her staring back at him: blond hair, and blue eyes, and an emptiness that kills.
- Language:
- English
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- 4,642
- Chapters:
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- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #80066631
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every champagne glass tastes like you and the way you laugh by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-20
Ilya is…he’s Shane’s entire heart. The air that he breathes, the reason for everything he does. None of it would matter without Ilya. This is the closest he’s ever come to losing him, and the thought of it - the possibility that everything they’ve been fighting for could just be lost - had struck Shane so acutely, so agonisingly.
He’d once thought that losing hockey was the worst thing that could ever happen to him. He knows, now, that isn’t true.
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- AO3:
- #79930471
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Warm hands suddenly encased his, pulling them away from his shirt collar and back down onto the table. Shane risked a glance at Ilya and saw only concern and confusion on his face, but he couldn’t keep looking at him directly, couldn’t look him in the eye. Couldn’t let Ilya see him lose it like this, in public, all because the shirt felt wrong. Because it felt too much like being five and ripping hand-knitted jumpers from his body because they hurt. Like needing seams in his socks to sit a certain way. Like a childhood spent tearfully pulling clothes off his body until his parents figured out what fabrics he could tolerate. It felt like being seven and unable to explain to teachers why the other children didn’t like him, why he hid under the tables when the classroom was too noisy.
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- AO3:
- #79854871
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Shane's eyes squeeze closed again. “We had reason to put rules in place. Protocol. If ever—if it got to a place where, if he was ever feeling like he might—"
Hayden’s body understands before his mind catches up. His blood runs cold for a second, stuck on the scrunch of Shane’s face, the clench of his fist, how desperate he’d been to see Rozanov—Ilya—just now. To make sure that he was okay. Here, in person.
Not hurt. Alive.
“Oh,” Hayden hears himself say distantly. “Oh, fuck, Shane.”
--
or, Ilya needs a place to go, and Hayden's happens to be the closest. It turns out to be a good thing.
- Part 1 of all lights turned off can be turned on
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- English
- Words:
- 8,339
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79787036
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"Fucking moron." Cliff mutters. "Who doesn't like eating pussy? Well. I mean." He darts a glance out of the corner of his eye. Rozanov chuckles into the mouth of his beer. "Marley, you know how much pussy I've eaten?" "I just meant--I wasn't trying to be insensitive. I know Hollander's gay." "Mm. True, Shane would cry." He tilts his beer into his mouth then, so Cliff almost doesn't hear him say, "Different for him with cock, though." Cliff laughs. "You're a fuckin' dog, Rozy." "Whaaat? I'm just saying, my husband? Fucking lo-o-ves to suck cock. Loves it." Cliff is just trying to be a good friend. He's not realizing anything about himself at all.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,825
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #79707986
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Sings the tune without the words by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-09
“I know, season is over. You probably want to sleep, snuggle your wives and your kids—or boyfriend,” he grins at Troy, “but I need my team for one more night.” He swallows hard. His heart beats harder. He thrums with energy. “I have big life announcement to make, and I don’t want to do it in stinky locker room. So. Everyone come to my house for dinner tomorrow night. Bring partners, children, whatever. We will celebrate our season, and I will tell you my big news."
______
In another world, where Hayden views his fanmail BEFORE posting, Shane and Ilya get to come out on their own terms.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,169
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79166396
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The edges of the picture had begun to bend; Shane was like a firework on the very verge of a convulsive explosion. The skirting of the doorway and the hand there gripping it were each as white as the other, and although the phone in his pocket rang and rang Shane made no move to answer it. It had been ringing since he’d last been an idiot, around seventeen minutes ago- when he had sent that stupid fucking message to Ilya Rozanov: “We didn’t even kiss”. _______ Or, its 2014 and the NHL has returned to Vegas. Shane sends that text and falls head-first off the deep end with a bottle from the hotel's mini fridge. Ilya must try to bring him back.
- Language:
- English
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- 7,782
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79090536
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Growing up, their neighbor had a cat.
A beautiful Russian Blue from a long line of show cats, Anastasia after the duchess that Mrs. Petrova was certain her dear kotik was a reincarnation of. Ilya would chirp and miyau at the kartoshka, too round to compete in the cat shows like its mama, if he saw it laying in the sun. But he didn't see it laying still very often.
No, it was much more common to see the beast strutting through the streets with a trophy in its mouth: a small bird, a mouse, a hamster, once the small lizard that he'd been trying to coax into his room as a pet.
"It's how she shows she cares, Illyusha, by showing she can provide for her family."
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- 1
- AO3:
- #78594581
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your love moves me forward by justhockey
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-28
“It’s not new,” Shane admits. “The gay part or the relationship part?” “Both?” Hayden’s jaw slowly drops until he’s wearing such a goofy expression that Shane can’t help but laugh again. (Or, Shane gets to come out on his own terms for once.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,849
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #78495676
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