81 – 100 of 118 Works in Grief/Mourning
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we are more than this cold place by GhostGrrl
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-09
Despite learning his lesson. Despite knowing not to go against every single wall he was forced to build up because of his remorseless family, every mask he tried on to hide from his merciless country, every single survival instinct he had left, and every single morsel of preservation, Ilya just couldn’t resist the sun. or Ilya's feelings after Shane leaves him during the tuna melt scene along with the memories and pain this also conjures up for him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,281
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77362931
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Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts by pine_cedar_maple
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-09
Ilya had used the flight wifi to google “how to plan a funeral” and “checklist when family member dies.” The results were as fun as you would think. --- now we'll say, "it's in god's hands" but god doesn't always have the best goddamn plans, does he?
- Part 1 of Apologies to the Queen Mary
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,727
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77355441
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The Love of a Mother by MabtheWinterQueen
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-07
Ilya's mother does not haunt him like she should. She comes to him in other ways.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,213
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77278001
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She looks, if he unfocuses his eyes, if he tries very hard, if he pays close attention to the bridge of her nose and the baby fat still in her cheeks, not much different than she did when he last saw her. A little stone angel marking time at a mean old man's wake.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,355
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77168886
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Yuna Hollander notices something amiss with Ilya. They work through his grief together.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,166
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77056301
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other forms of intimacy by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-04
Shane and Ilya have a lot of sex. A lot of hot, intimate, dirty sex. But sometimes they don't. Sometimes, for one reason or another, they find more intimacy in the unexpected moments where their plans to fuck don't work out.
Or:
Shane and Ilya taking care of each other.
• • •
I: Shane Hollander has too much to drink.
II: Ilya Rozanov gets the fucking flu.
III: Shane Hollander suffers an Autistic shutdown.
IV: Ilya Rozanov misses his mother.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,139
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76618196
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Ilya's past catches up with him, except this time it's planned his future too.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,874
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77032191
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I can watch the old days, she was beautiful then by harperose
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-04
So he followed Ilya. He followed Ilya into the living room. And then, he waited. Waited for Ilya to collapse onto the couch and do nothing- to stare at nothing. Something that he had been doing more and more recently. Waited for Ilya to pull out his phone and facetime whoever he was fucking when Shane left Canada. Waited for Ilya to pull out a secret bottle of vodka and down nearly the whole thing. (Waited for Ilya to pull out a bottle of pills and accidentally take one too many.) But Ilya didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he moved towards the shelf filled with DVDs and movies from Ilya's childhood that were still trapped in VHS. It was nighttime, they were supposed to be sleeping. But they were both awake, Shane knew they were. But Ilya didn’t. Ilya probably thought he was the only one awake– something that Shane let him believe by keeping his eyes shut, his breathing even… And by resisting the urge to reach out, to part his lips and ask where his boyfriend was going tonight– what his boyfriend would do tonight. After vodka and sex, Ilya shouldn’t be doing anything other than sleeping. Normally, he would be dead to the world and Shane would once again feel like he was sleeping next to a corpse. A corpse that, every once in a while, let out a deep snore that sounded more and more like a snort of laughter every time he had the pleasure of hearing it. The mattress underneath them shifted thanks to Ilya’s sudden movement. Movement that he only made when he was certain that his bed companion was asleep. Shane wasn’t sure if he should be thankful or not that Ilya’s test for tonight to see if he was awake or not was just gently whispering his name into the darkness. Because he enjoyed the small kisses that ilya would press to the back of his neck or whatever part of him he could easily reach without risking the mattress moving too much and risking rousing Shane. Shane, who Ilya thought was sleeping when he didn’t even twitch after a few kisses that normally he would find irresistible. But tonight, there were no kisses. There was only a call of his name. Maybe that was a good thing though. After all, if Ilya began pressing kisses to his skin again, Shane doubted he would be able to ignore them. Not after what happened tonight– definitely not after what happened tonight. So, Ilya only called his name softly. And when he didn’t reply, he began moving. Moving out of the bed– away from Shane. And towards wherever he had been going at night. A place where Shane would discover– he was brave enough to discover after lacking the courage the previous nights. Suddenly, the bed stopped moving. Ilya had finally completed his mission and slipped out of it. But Shane would not follow suit. Not until he was certain the other man was no longer in the bedroom. He only had to wait a few seconds for that to happen– to Ilya to leave him all alone in the bed in the home they were building together. Shane’s eyes fluttered open, watching Ilya retreating back as he crept down the hallway. And then, when it was safe to do so, he followed his partner who didn’t really feel like the partner he had committed his loyalty and life to all those years ago. Because Ilya was being secretive again– just like he had been before they decided to be together. Really be together . Normally, Ilya would open up. Or, well, the new Ilya would open up… eventually. But it seemed like Ilya had reverted back to his past self that was riddled with secrets and avoidance. And well Shane… Shane was worried. About so many things– and all of them had to do with Ilya recently. So he had to know– know something that he knew would cause him to feel guilt about what he found out. Because, in a way, it felt like he was betraying Ilya– betraying his trust to spy on him and uncover a secret that years ago he wouldn’t even attempt to uncover. But that was years ago. And now things were different. So many things had changed– so many things had come to light. And Shane needed to know. He needed to lessen the ever growing knot of unease in his stomach. So he followed Ilya. He followed Ilya into the living room. And then, he waited. Waited for Ilya to collapse onto the couch and do nothing- to stare at nothing. Something that he had been doing more and more recently. Waited for Ilya to pull out his phone and facetime whoever he was fucking when Shane left Canada. Waited for Ilya to pull out a secret bottle of vodka and down nearly the whole thing. (Waited for Ilya to pull out a bottle of pills and accidentally take one too many.) But Ilya didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he moved towards the shelf filled with DVDs and movies from Ilya's childhood that were still trapped in VHS. A furrow appeared in Shane's brow as he watched Ilya pick out an old VHS he had teasingly suggested upgrading to a DVD so many times before. And that furrow only deepened, just for a moment before it ruptured with silent understanding, when Ilya forced the television screen to come alive with that old movie. A movie that Shane knew wasn't supposed to be this. Because this… This wasn't a mainstream movie that made its way onto VHS and trapped inside that case. This was something else.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,695
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77073996
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Ilya used to not miss anything when he returned to Moscow during the off-season. He was standing in a convenience store, some July day in 2015, flipping through the newsstand, when it hit him that he didn’t particularly care about anything going on there. He was counting down the days before he could get on his flight back to Boston, as if there was anything there to greet him on his return. Maybe it wasn’t Boston he was missing. The realization is not welcome. “Do you think you will stay in Boston?” Shane asks, stroking Ilya’s upper arm. His touch is soft. Ilya wants it endlessly.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,701
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77093496
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think how you will grieve for all you leave behind by justhockey
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-04
He used to visit his mother all the time when he was in Moscow for the off-season. He’d take bouquets of marigolds and sunflowers, and he’d decorate her grave with them to try and brighten it up. He’d even placed a little solar powered lantern there for nighttime, so she wouldn’t feel so frightened of the dark. It’s silly, probably. He knows she isn’t really there; knows that nothing is left of her but bones, by now. But still. Ilya had left it there anyway, just in case. He’ll never get to visit his mama’s grave again.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,429
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #77083311
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everything i have is yours by goldenish
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Ilya had not expected the way Shane's parents' cared for Shane to ever extend to him. Except, they kept trying to do exactly that. Shane said it was just them. Being them. So when they casually mentioned that he was family now… Ilya wanted to believe them. He did not know how to be in a family, though. He didn’t think his was ever functional enough to count as an experience of a real family. Could he count the years with just his mother? Were the two of them enough to make up a family? He wasn't sure. Ilya just knew, he did not want to get it wrong with Shane. Or Shane’s family. And so he had to go when they called.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,880
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76990381
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know it's for the better / no, it's for the better by selfishambition
Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-03
Ilya Rozanov has been carrying his mother's ghost since he was twelve years old. Sochi is where the weight finally breaks him. Russia is eliminated in the most humiliating loss in their history, and their captain sits on a twelfth-floor balcony railing thinking about letting go. Shane Hollander has a gold medal game in fourteen hours. He comes anyway.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,371
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77026136
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almost out of the woods (awake and alive) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Ilya hears the door opening before he sees it. He sits up sharply, already angling his phone towards his chest, thumb hovering over the End Call button. Shane doesn’t speak, though Ilya watches his expression shift into something grave and concerned. They both know the routine at this point; it wouldn’t be the first time this week Ilya has ended a call abruptly to avoid interruption.
The head that appears in the doorway is far lower than he expects it to be, and it takes him a moment to fully register.
“Zhenya?” he asks, frowning. “Are you alright?”
The girl nods, her little hand still clutching the door handle. “Can I come in?”
Or: Shane and Ilya speak often, while Ilya is in Moscow for his father's funeral. Tonight, Ilya has company.
- Part 1 of Cruiserweights
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,102
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76988071
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Someplace to go by paleredheadinascifi
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-02
“You didn’t have, like, a favourite book growing up?” It’s ridiculous, the way his heart starts beating in his chest like he is in danger. He knows he is not in danger — he is in bed with his husband. But his body feels like he is in danger. Ilya shifts. “My mother read a lot,” he admits carefully. “She read to me." Or, Shane reads boring hockey books. Ilya doesn't remember the last time he touched a book. Shane asks so many questions.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,244
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76930351
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Yuna goes with David to Shane's cottage, worried after he misses all of David's calls. "They’re both just boys, she thinks, and then she thinks about what she knows about Rozanov, his brash attitude, his dead father, his Russian passport, and nearly feels sick."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,892
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76945026
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Some Comfort by Impractical_Magic (sliebman10)
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-02
Ilya is feeling the effects of his depression one morning, and Shane helps him to feel better.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,399
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76962901
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If There Ever Was A Doubt by ClimbTheMountain2020
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-31
Two years post-The Long Game, Shane and Ilya are living the life they always dreamed of. But sometimes, the nightmares catch up to Ilya. Shane knows how much Ilya sacrificed to give them this life. Now, he wants to give Ilya something in return.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,372
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76781321
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somewhere in your eyes, a better life by galaxo
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-30
“C’mon, it’s Christmas.” “I did not know Christmas was for doing stupid things.” “Christmas,” Shane starts, crawling on all fours to get up and tower over Ilya, a new set of determination over his sleepy eyes, “is about being more indulgent.” His face dips down until their noses greet one another as softly as butterfly wings, breaths in sync, and chests brushing. The urge to kiss him is stronger than last night’s storm. Or, Ilya and Shane spend Christmas together.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,100
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76470191
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David wasn’t kidding when he said that with Ilya in his life now, he was blessed with another son, and he was going through with that promise with a father-son trip. Which is how they find themselves in the place that had originally drafted Ilya: Boston, MA. Or, David Hollander takes Ilya on a good ol' American vacation like he deserves.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,959
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76692736
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hiraeth (hee-ryth): a profound, nostalgic longing or homesickness for a home, place, or time that may never have existed or is lost forever “Do– Do you miss it?” Shane asked him carefully, tilting his head up so he could look Ilya in the eye. “Russia.” He wanted to brush the question off. To assure his husband that he didn’t miss the country in the slightest – because knowing Shane, if Ilya confessed that he did, he’d spiral into a guilt trip faster than Ilya could blink. Shane would probably believe him too. But he didn’t want to lie to his husband, or hide his feelings from him. They’d done that for so long, and Ilya was tired of it. “Mm, I don’t miss Russia,” he said slowly, searching his brain for the exact words he wanted to say. It was hard enough communicating his feelings as it was, but the fact that he had to do so in English made it even harder. Finding the words he wanted to say always seemed so exhausting. “But… I miss how it was when I was little. With my mother.” Home to Shane Hollander is a very different concept than it is for Ilya. To Shane Hollander, home was a cozy, inviting house just outside of Ottawa, a place where he’d been raised with nothing but love and care by two people who loved him more than anything in the world. To him, home was the place where nothing in the world could go wrong, where he was safe and protected. To Ilya, home was a far more difficult concept to grasp. The only true home he’d ever known, the only real love and care he’d had growing up, had died with his mother. It vanished with her, lost forever, never to be recovered. The cold, looming manor he’d grown up in was not the sort of place one would describe as a home. It had silence, where the Hollander house always had laughter. Cold, unyielding marble floors instead of soft rugs, ones that protected little knees learning how to walk and made the perfect place to sprawl on for a family movie night, rather than the marble that only ever left Ilya’s knees bleeding when he fell. It was the type of place where arguments were ended by a harsh, forceful hit instead of a hug. For years, whenever Ilya talked about home, he simply meant Russia. Moscow was where he’d grown up. It was more home than Boston was. The fierce, cold winters, the strolls along the Moskva, the familiar flow of Russian out of everyone’s mouths, that was what made it home. Familiarity. There was nothing wrong with Boston. Not really. It had just never felt like home. At first, Ilya had blamed it on the language barrier. His English had been good enough when he arrived, or so he thought, but soon he’d realized that trying to carry conversations all day, every day, in his second language was downright exhausting. And no matter how much he talked, no matter how many words came out of his mouth, he never felt like he was saying exactly what he wanted to. The message always ended up blurring along the way. But that feeling of not being at home didn’t ease once his English improved. After that, he blamed the food. He’d replaced the borscht and pelmeni he’d eaten his entire life with burgers and pasta - not exactly the most American food in the world but Boston’s North End meant Italian food was practically unavoidable in the city. He’d started cooking on his own more, trying to recreate the recipes his mother had made during his childhood. They were never quite the same as he remembered though, always leaving an odd taste in his mouth afterward. Eventually, he’d resigned himself to simply never feeling at home outside of Russia. After all, it was where he was born and where he’d been raised. Surely, every immigrant felt like this. Out of place, adrift, longing for a way back home. It wasn’t until he and Hollander had finally started become something more that Ilya finally realized just how fucked his definition of home was. How wrong it was that to him, home was a city, rather than a house filled with a family. “I wouldn’t be able to go home again,” he explained, knowing exactly how poorly things would turn for him if the people of Russia found out he was in love with a man. “Ever. Do you get that?” From the immediate look of confusion on Shane’s face, he could tell he didn’t. Shane’s fears about coming out revolved around hockey. The impact it would have on his dreams, on his goals, on winning another Cup. For Ilya, his fears were far more terrifying. “Because of your family?” he asked, and Ilya sighed in frustration. He wasn’t really annoyed with Shane. How could he be? It’d be like being mad at a cute, little puppy that didn’t know what it’d done wrong. Especially when the man had turned those stupidly soft, brown eyes on him, looking at Ilya like he was about to break apart at any moment. It was simply the reality of their situation. Ilya’s only home, or the only one he had left, was a place defined by mere borders on a map, and nothing more. Hollander’s was his family. When Ilya had said home, Shane hadn’t immediately thought about Russia. No, he was assuming Ilya couldn’t go home because his family wouldn’t approve. As though the problem was that Ilya would be kicked out onto the streets. And while that was partially the problem, it certainly wasn’t what Ilya had meant. His father’s house hadn’t been home in a long time. To Hollander, that was the worst possible scenario about coming out. Losing his family, even if that was a highly unlikely scenario. But that was how Canada was. For Ilya, the worst case scenario in Russia – and a highly likely one at that – was death. “Because Russia!” Ilya explained loudly, his temper boiling over. But his anger wasn’t at Shane. No, it was at the unfairness of the situation he’d found himself in. “I would not be able to go back to Russia!” Shane went quiet for a moment before hesitantly asking his next question, as though he didn’t want to know the answer. “What would happen to you?” The mere thought of being outed while in Russia was enough to nearly make him sick. He couldn’t say for certain what would happen. Had he been asked years ago, he would’ve said his father would kill him. Now, the man was so far gone he didn’t even remember who Ilya was. Perhaps Alexei would be the one to do it. Ilya wasn’t sure he’d have the guts to do it himself though. His brother had always been a coward. No, he’d probably turn Ilya over to whatever angry mob appeared first, and then that’d be it for him. Death, either by a hanging, or being dragged through the streets, or some other awful way to go out. “I don’t want to find out,” he confessed, swallowing heavily against the nausea waging a war in his stomach. The thought of losing Russia shouldn’t have terrified him so much.
- Part 4 of heated rivalry fics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,917
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76620251