Summary:

So he followed Ilya. He followed Ilya into the living room. And then, he waited. Waited for Ilya to collapse onto the couch and do nothing- to stare at nothing. Something that he had been doing more and more recently. Waited for Ilya to pull out his phone and facetime whoever he was fucking when Shane left Canada. Waited for Ilya to pull out a secret bottle of vodka and down nearly the whole thing. (Waited for Ilya to pull out a bottle of pills and accidentally take one too many.) But Ilya didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he moved towards the shelf filled with DVDs and movies from Ilya's childhood that were still trapped in VHS. It was nighttime, they were supposed to be sleeping. But they were both awake, Shane knew they were. But Ilya didn’t. Ilya probably thought he was the only one awake– something that Shane let him believe by keeping his eyes shut, his breathing even… And by resisting the urge to reach out, to part his lips and ask where his boyfriend was going tonight– what his boyfriend would do tonight. After vodka and sex, Ilya shouldn’t be doing anything other than sleeping. Normally, he would be dead to the world and Shane would once again feel like he was sleeping next to a corpse. A corpse that, every once in a while, let out a deep snore that sounded more and more like a snort of laughter every time he had the pleasure of hearing it. The mattress underneath them shifted thanks to Ilya’s sudden movement. Movement that he only made when he was certain that his bed companion was asleep. Shane wasn’t sure if he should be thankful or not that Ilya’s test for tonight to see if he was awake or not was just gently whispering his name into the darkness. Because he enjoyed the small kisses that ilya would press to the back of his neck or whatever part of him he could easily reach without risking the mattress moving too much and risking rousing Shane. Shane, who Ilya thought was sleeping when he didn’t even twitch after a few kisses that normally he would find irresistible. But tonight, there were no kisses. There was only a call of his name. Maybe that was a good thing though. After all, if Ilya began pressing kisses to his skin again, Shane doubted he would be able to ignore them. Not after what happened tonight– definitely not after what happened tonight. So, Ilya only called his name softly. And when he didn’t reply, he began moving. Moving out of the bed– away from Shane. And towards wherever he had been going at night. A place where Shane would discover– he was brave enough to discover after lacking the courage the previous nights. Suddenly, the bed stopped moving. Ilya had finally completed his mission and slipped out of it. But Shane would not follow suit. Not until he was certain the other man was no longer in the bedroom. He only had to wait a few seconds for that to happen– to Ilya to leave him all alone in the bed in the home they were building together. Shane’s eyes fluttered open, watching Ilya retreating back as he crept down the hallway. And then, when it was safe to do so, he followed his partner who didn’t really feel like the partner he had committed his loyalty and life to all those years ago. Because Ilya was being secretive again– just like he had been before they decided to be together. Really be together . Normally, Ilya would open up. Or, well, the new Ilya would open up… eventually. But it seemed like Ilya had reverted back to his past self that was riddled with secrets and avoidance. And well Shane… Shane was worried. About so many things– and all of them had to do with Ilya recently. So he had to know– know something that he knew would cause him to feel guilt about what he found out. Because, in a way, it felt like he was betraying Ilya– betraying his trust to spy on him and uncover a secret that years ago he wouldn’t even attempt to uncover. But that was years ago. And now things were different. So many things had changed– so many things had come to light. And Shane needed to know. He needed to lessen the ever growing knot of unease in his stomach. So he followed Ilya. He followed Ilya into the living room. And then, he waited. Waited for Ilya to collapse onto the couch and do nothing- to stare at nothing. Something that he had been doing more and more recently. Waited for Ilya to pull out his phone and facetime whoever he was fucking when Shane left Canada. Waited for Ilya to pull out a secret bottle of vodka and down nearly the whole thing. (Waited for Ilya to pull out a bottle of pills and accidentally take one too many.) But Ilya didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he moved towards the shelf filled with DVDs and movies from Ilya's childhood that were still trapped in VHS. A furrow appeared in Shane's brow as he watched Ilya pick out an old VHS he had teasingly suggested upgrading to a DVD so many times before. And that furrow only deepened, just for a moment before it ruptured with silent understanding, when Ilya forced the television screen to come alive with that old movie. A movie that Shane knew wasn't supposed to be this. Because this… This wasn't a mainstream movie that made its way onto VHS and trapped inside that case. This was something else.