101 – 120 of 455 Works in Humor

  • Humor ×

  1. Peer Review by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-06-14

    Cliff Marleau and Ilya Rozanov are good bros. They share everything with each other. Including, apparently, their nudes.

    or: texting fic where Cliff and Ilya rate each other's nudes in a totally platonic bro way of course

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,244
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85804256

  2. The Chaos Theorem (or: Shane Hollander needs a nap and a therapist. He got Ilya instead) by

    Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-06-13

    Welcome to the Ultimate Game.

    If you’re looking for a chronicle of redemption or, worse yet, a fairy tale ending with a kiss under the snow, you’ve walked into the wrong locker room. This is the story of a sabotage.

    For ten years, the hockey world has feasted on the rivalry between two captains with the same hunger one brings to a public execution. And us? We served them the blood on a silver platter, while in the shadows of hotel rooms in Montreal or Boston, we exchanged fluids and secrets with the precision of two spies in enemy territory.

    They believe the ice is a sanctuary of heterosexual secrets. They don’t realize that while they were betting on our next elbow to the face, they were witnessing a long, violent decade of foreplay.

    Now, it’s time for El Plan.

    Shane is the butterfly flapping its wings on an underwear billboard. I am the tornado about to level the entire NHL.

    Grab your popcorn. It’s going to be a beautiful massacre.

    My name is Ilya Rozanov, and you can thank me later.

    Or: how Shane and Ilya gaslit the entire world by officially "starting to date" in 2020.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    75,201
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #76617896

  3. Shane, Meet Shovel by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-06-12

    While enjoying a night out at The Kingfisher, Ilya is sporting some very concerning bruises. After drunkenly revealing to Scott that Jane is Shane Hollander, Scott takes it upon himself to give Shane the Shovel Talk.

    OR

    Scott thinks Shane is abusing Ilya, so he ropes Carter Vaughn and Eric Bennet into kidnapping Shane and threatening to kill him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,785
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85308766

  4. Love Makes Room by

    Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M

    2026-06-09

    Svetlana is already invited to the wedding, and Shane assumes his conversation with Ilya means Sasha will be included as well, the wedding still being over a month away.

    Or, Ilya’s childhood friends arrive in Ottawa earlier than expected and are unexpectedly helpful with wedding planning.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,327
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85497976

  5. #Ididntsleepwithroz by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-06-07

    Ben the Cens Fan
    @Hockey_Watcher19
    Once upon a time I was a reluctant Ottawa fan (passed down from my dad) and then the most wild UFA signing happened in 2018 now I’m scrolling thru twitter reading posts about my captain not sleeping with people mixed in with highlights of my team kicking absolute ass. I love life

    RJ @rozsrightskatelace Replying to @Hockey_Watcher19
    The Ilya Rozanov effect, if you will

    Ben the Cens Fan @Hockey_Watcher19 Replying to @rozsrightskatelace
    Whatever works honestly, I’m here for a good time and happy to hear our captain is a decent person

    OR

    A hashtag is started up by a ex-hookup of Ilya's in opposition to some of her fans unfoundedly badmouthing Ilya, this eventually leads to teammates, former and not, joining into the fun, Lily, and the timeline of it all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,139
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #84987821

  6. kiss and (don't) make up by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-06-07

    “We need you to argue again,” Dykstra says suddenly.

    A few seconds of silence follow, three sets, four if you include Haasy looking up uncertainly every couple of seconds, of eyes trained on them expectantly.

    “You want us to argue?” Shane repeats slowly, confusedly.

    Bood nods solemnly. “We played the best game of the fucking season after your argument—”

    “It wasn’t because of our argument,” Shane tries to counter, but Ilya’s pretty sure he even knows it’s pointless.

    “It was because of your argument,” Wyatt says. “You need to argue on game days.”

    Dykstra points between Shane and Ilya. “We need you to argue tomorrow. No questions asked. You are the Captain and the Captain’s first man.”

    “Sorry?” Shane says at the same time Ilya says, “No.”

     
    Or the Ottawa Centaurs win a game after Shane and Ilya have a petty argument and turn it into a superstition. Texting fic edition.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,012
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86315676

  7. Intricate Rituals by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • E
    • ✓

    2026-06-05

    Casey kinda feels like he’s cracked the whole thing wide open here, if he’s being honest. The Centaurs had, after all, gotten drastically better in the last few years, and if he thinks about it, those changes had only seemed to happen once they’d had gay players on the roster. And they only seemed to get better the more they added. Maybe the league had been overlooking what was honestly a fairly well-proven strategy purely out of homophobia, and Casey was only seeing it now because he wasn’t one of those guys that got bothered by that.

    “Actually, if it works so good, maybe we should try it,” Casey realizes.

    This is where it officially goes too far.

    After overhearing a particularly inspiring chirp from Rozanov, Casey Marks of the Vancouver Ravens gets a fantastic idea. If he can convince his linemate Routhier to go along with it, maybe they can finally turn their bottom-rung team into a real contender. And if Casey enjoys every second of it, that’s just because Routhier is objectively hot. Casey is definitely, totally, 100% straight. Totally.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,046
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85620261

  8. Five times Shane Hollander was embarrassed about having a big dick and one time he wasn't by

    Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • M
    • ✓

    2026-06-04

    In juniors they took one look at him naked and said ‘Fucking Christ Hollander’ and ‘what’s the point in measuring when we all know we’re gonna lose?’

    Because Shane had hit a growth spurt and, while he never gained the height he’d prayed for (he wasn’t short anywhere but in the NHL), he’d grown a lot in other areas.

    A lot… more than the other boys.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,889
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86085506

  9. So Lily is just a buddy? by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • M
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-06-02

    Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov never hooked up at the CCM commercial.

    Now it's 2017. Yuna Hollander is concerned that Shane doesn't have many friends, so she signs him up on a buddy network website.
    Shane gets paired with someone else looking for a 'buddy', not knowing that it's his on-ice rival, Ilya Rozanov.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    49,834
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #84152481

  10. Ilya Rozanov vs The Unintended Consequences of Woke Hockey by

    Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-06-02

    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,158
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85752726

  11. Ilya Rozanov is Now Live by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-05-31

    Post-cottage, Shane and Ilya quickly discover that hiding sucks, so they launch their friendship via a series of chaotic Instagram Lives. It predictably spirals out of control. Ch 1: Friends! Ch 2: …Uh, friends? Ch 3: Definitely not friends.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,501
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #85537816

  12. Do They Make a Greeting Card for This? by

    Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-05-30

    So Jane, huh? Cliff’s mom had always called his eldest sister a ‘plain Jane’ when she didn’t want to get her hair done and ‘dress up nice’ for family shit. He didn’t think Rozanov’s Jane sounded very plain. Sure, Cliff had fucked a girl wearing his number, they all had. But apparently this chick had enough balls to not only tell Roz no, but enough clout to threaten getting him into her Montreal jersey too. He grinned as he headed to the showers. Whose number did she have? One thing he could be sure of was that it wouldn’t be fuckin’ twenty-four.

    Or: Five times Cliff learns something about Montreal Jane, and one time he learns her real name.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,390
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85799906

  13. intrusive thoughts by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-05-28

    After insulting a suspiciously vindictive fortune teller at a street fair, Ilya Rozanov wakes up cursed with the ability to hear people’s thoughts through touch. Which becomes a serious problem when he discovers his coworker Shane Hollander, who supposedly can’t stand him, is apparently thinking about him in extremely inappropriate ways constantly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,579
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #84362961

  14. Beyond the Ice by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-05-28

    “Welcome back folks, we’re here today with another clip from our mini series, Beyond the Ice. Last time we took you on a tour of the first floor of the humble abode for Ottawa’s own ‘husbands of hockey’, and today we’re headed upstairs for a closer look at the domestic side of living for these two dynamite players.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    645
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85522036

  15. Carter Did Not Sign Up For This (He Got Voluntold By Shane Hollander) by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T

    2026-05-28

    "Did. You. Mean. It."

    Carter Vaughn doesn't mind if his afternoon nap gets interrupted for a good cause. Which is good for him because Shane Hollander is so far past asking permission he may well bulldoze them all into a different universe.

    Or: After Ilya gets outed in Sochi, Shane Hollander is determined to help. Carter, who possesses a healthy sense of self-preservation, is too smart to stand in his way—but, as it turns out, not quite smart enough to stay out of the drama.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,813
    Chapters:
    1/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85530921

  16. Cassandras of the Internet Age by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • G
    • ✓

    2026-05-27

     

    @Rozanov81:

    Ok internet, I have announcement.

    I am getting married in 2 weeks.

    So we are going to play a game, ok? I give you one clue every day, we will see if you can guess

    #SecretRelationship #ILoveYouJane

    -----
    With each new daily clue, the Hollanov fans only get louder. Each clue lining up perfectly with a certain Canadian hockey player.

    However, they still cannot convince anyone. If anything, their overflow of online excitement might make it seem less believable.

    Ilya notices the plight of these modern Casandras of the internet age and, of course, decides to make it worse.

    -----
    Told through snapshots from twitter, Instagram, the Ottawa WAGs group chat and Ilya’s journey into the depths of Reddit to find r/HollanovHQ

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,035
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85644951

  17. hollalily81 by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • T

    2026-05-25

    Lily Hollander
    @hollalily81

    It has been 28 days 17 hours and 35 minutes since I last kissed @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer

    --

    My take on Ilya having a Boston Lily twit account

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,338
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85483026

  18. Autocomplete by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-05-25

    [Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov sit on director’s chairs in a white sound studio. They are both wearing Ottawa Centaurs jerseys, and Ilya smiles warmly at Shane as a makeup artist places a small bit of powder across his cheeks while a producer hands them both a practice board.]

    Shane: So, these are just internet searches people do of us?

    Producer: Yes! The most popular ones, and you just answer or comment on them. There’s one board for you, one for Ilya, and then one of the two of you combined. 

    Shane: Sounds harmless enough. 

    Ilya: You do not spend much time on the internet if you think this sounds harmless. 

    Producer: Would you like to practice taking the tape off? 

    [They both nod, and she hands each of them a board. Shane politely and carefully rips off the top piece of tape, focusing on pulling it straight off without ripping it. During the time it takes Shane to take off one piece, Ilya rips off four, crumpling up the tape and throwing it in the air like confetti. A piece hits Shane’s head, and he looks at his husband, slightly startled, while Ilya beams back happily.]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,930
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85479656

  19. Abolish private property by

    Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-05-24

    Haley
    Hi Shane! Just messaging about our heater again. Do you think we could get it fixed today?
    Shane
    So sorry for the late reply, Haley! I’m at the Olympics and my time zones are all messed up. Messaged my HVAC guy and he’ll be there in the morning.

    Haley
    screenshot.jpg
    Wtf?
    Katie
    Is this guy fr???

    Or: the trials and tribulations of renting from Shane Hollander.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,560
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82962906

  20. do not worry i am allowed to say it 👍 by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-05-22

    Ilya gets caught on camera saying the f-slur. The Internet freaks out. He reveals he's allowed to say it. The Internet freaks out in a different way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,559
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85323921
  1. ← Previous
  2. 1
  3. …
  4. 4
  5. 5
  6. 6
  7. 7
  8. 8
  9. …
  10. 23
  11. Next →