281 – 300 of 462 Works in Humor
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“I’ve been conducting surveillance,” Hayden said, steamrolling ahead. “Based on all available evidence, I’m ninety percent sure Lily is either a Bratva princess or some kind of supernatural hybrid who is manipulating Shane emotionally and financially.”
Jackie looked back at the building. All the lights were off.
“And as his friends,” Hayden continued, “we have a duty to protect Shane from her clutches.”
Convinced Shane’s mysterious girlfriend “Lily” is everything from a vampire to a cult leader, Hayden embarks on a spiral of wildly incorrect theories.
He is just trying to protect his best friend. Unfortunately, Lily is actually Ilya Rozanov.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,197
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78695871
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Scott arrives at Sochi reckless, mostly hairless, and entirely Kip-less, but he's doing completely fine. Vaughny needs to stop worrying, because he's definitely not going to do something stupid, like spend his Gold medal speech begging Kip to take him back.
- Part 1 of Fuckboy Fuzz (And Related Fuckery)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,496
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79359721
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“You have a message from: Lily.” The automated voice read out. Shane almost swerved into the other lane trying to press the mute button on the dashboard. ”Woah, eyes on the road, dude!” Hayden yelled. “Ayyy!” J.J cheered. “The famous Boston Lily! Let’s hear what she has to say.” The automated voice continued. “Can’t wait to have my [tongue emoji] in your [peach emoji].” (while shane is driving certain texts get read out by the car's bluetooth)
- Part 12 of ways they didn't find out
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,846
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #79130646
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In which Shane makes the headlines, Ilya has a history of terrible bedside manners, and the line between murder and manslaughter is the razor thin edge of intent.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,286
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79294341
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Let me tell you who I am (I’m your biggest fan) by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-10
All in all, it might be annoying and agitating but Rozanov knows not to take it too far. He will never go out of his way to make Scott’s life miserable. It’s all in good fun, mostly private, nothing to lose any sleep over. Until Scott makes the mistake of saying yes to a series of press events in which newly graduated sports journalists get a chance to write a piece about the MLH.
Five times Scott gets harassed by a brand-new reporter and one time he tries to get him back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,705
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79226866
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you're gonna go far, we'll all be here by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-10
Ilya: everyone welcome luca haas new rookie 🫨
Ilya: i gave him all your numbers do not introduce yourself
Ilya: i do not need phone buzzing i am busyOr, a look at Luca Haas's life—and consequently, Shane and Ilya's—through his texts over the years.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,030
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79208311
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blueberry smoothie, no banana by Anonymous
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-02-09
“Does your heart beat for Scott?”
Kip doesn’t hesitate. He’s on fire today. Number one Blue Moon over Brooklyn maker and number one liar. “No.”
There’s a pause where Kip thinks he might have gotten away relatively scot-free, no pun intended, but then, Maria gets closer, narrowing her eyes at him in interrogation. “Are you sure?”
“I feel like you’re five minutes out from counting my pulse.”
Something sparkles in her eyes, and it makes Kip laugh for the first time all day. “That’s not a bad idea. How much does your heart rate increase when Scott walks in?” She places a hand over her own chest, making her hand thump. “Boom, boom, boom.” Her voice drops to a flat tone. “Oh no, he broke the scale.”
Kip slides another strawberry over. “Not funny, Maria.”
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Or: five times, post breakup that scott visits straw + berry for a smoothie + the one time he doesn't- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,584
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79160316
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Quit While You’re Ahead by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-09
Cliff had to approach this correctly, or Ilya was liable to sock him in the jaw and clam up entirely. Subtlety was his friend here.
And all of that flew immediately out of his head the moment that Ilya opened his front door, looking sweaty and shirtless and mildly pissed off, which was pretty much his standard look.
“Are you moving to Canada for some fuckboy?” was how the question came out of his mouth instead.
AKA the time that Cliff Marleau figured almost all of it out
- Part 3 of Connecting the Two Dots
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,631
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79164586
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At the 2021 All-Star Games in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Ilya comes to Scott with a proposition.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,431
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79207061
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Ilya nearly loses it when Shane demonstrates the ‘plow’, his legs over his head and ass fully suspended in the air. He swears he pops a vein when Shane is in a reclined middle split—now that’s just cruel to his psyche. However, nothing could’ve prepared Ilya for— “The downward dog,” Shane announces their last stretch of the day, “A classic that I’m sure all of you know. An easy pose right before our cooldown.” Sure, the pose itself was easy enough. So easy, in fact, that Shane gets into the position without second thought. He’s faced down, and his ass was flexed upwards, and his cheeks were flushed red, and well, fuck. Great, if it wasn’t obvious enough that Ilya was having a mental hard-on at the thought of Shane Hollander on his fours in a very different context outside of the yoga studio, then the thin material of his gym shorts surely betrayed him. Or, Ilya attends a yoga class for the first time.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,335
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77489046
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It's all Canadian Vodka's fault by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-06
In the early hours of Saturday, the Hockey world was ablaze with the news that Ilya Rozanov was dead. Killed in a tragic car accident leaving behind a slew of devastated fans and a grieving husband still reeling in shock.
The news also came as an incredible shock to Ilya when he awoke that same day, hungover and bleary, but very much alive.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,385
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78583551
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Shane has a bad day that gets worse when Marleau shows up.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,506
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78954801
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A Fucking Babe by wilmonstan12345
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-02-04
"Maybe he should ask Ilya for Shane Hollander’s number. Shane was a fucking babe. The thought made Troy smile, and that was at least something.” *** What if in Role Model, Troy actually asked Ilya for Shane's number?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,593
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #73416901
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keeping a low profile (the sunglasses have rhinestones) by OpalApparition
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-02-04
There are many ways to support your favorite player. Attending their games, for instance. Buying their jersey. Or, if you're trying to keep a secret relationship under wraps, you could drive four hours in the opposite direction, wrap yourself in a dollar store blanket with eyeholes cut in it, and attempt to blend in with the locals. It's foolproof. Nothing could possibly go wrong. The internet would never figure it out.
- Part 1 of Opal's Social Media AUs
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,153
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #78913886
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“Shane?” Hayden’s voice filtered through the door. “You alive in there?”
Shane grabbed Ilya by the wrist. “We have to hide you.”
Ilya laughed. “Hide me? Where?”
Shane’s eyes darted around his apartment. That left… the closet.
“No,” Ilya said, reading Shane’s desperate gaze. “I am athlete. Have standards.”
Ilya’s protest was cut off as he stumbled backward into a dark jungle of coats and boots. Shane shut the door.
In which Hayden shows up early to talk game strategy, Shane lies about owning a cat, and Ilya refuses to commit to the bit.
Things only go downhill from there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,879
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78816656
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Five times Shane Hollander acts (surprisingly) unhinged online and the five times Ilya acts unhinged back.
- Part 2 of Hollanov Texting/SMAU's
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,144
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78757266
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@thisisilya ✔ Responding to @ShaneHollander24 ✔ This is very rude Hollander… I am TIRED @thisisilya ✔ Responding to @ShaneHollander24 ✔ your children have killed me. killed me dead. @ShaneHollander24✔ Responding to @thisisilya ✔ *our @thisisilya ✔ Responding to @ShaneHollander24 ✔ No yours only. I disown them. I divorce you. I sleep for 10 years. Goodbye, world. @ShaneHollander24 ✔ Responding to @thisisilya ✔ Don’t say that about our kids! What is wrong with you???? @thisisilya ✔ Responding to @ShaneHollander24 ✔ You do not know but they are beasts. Evil beasts. (snippets of ilya as a wag/stay at home husband & dad, as seen through social media <3)
- Part 6 of from the outside
- Part 5 of social media/texting hollanov
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,052
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #78779746
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shane hollander boy kisser confirmed! by chuyasexual
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-02-02
In 2021, Shane Hollander reveals his relationship with former rival Ilya Rozanov to the shock of chronically online people worldwide, who’ve spent the last decade convincing the world he’s secretly in love with his teammate Hayden Pike feng (she/her) @flowerfeng · Apr 3, 2021 gotta feel bad for shane hollander. like imagine everyone wishing you were in a secret gay relationship. and you gotta spend your career swearing you’re not in a secret gay relationship. but you ARE in a secret gay relationship. just w the wrong guy booboo the fool @cinnacin · Apr 4, 2021 shane hollander w a hand on the bible: no im not in a decade-long secret relationship w fellow hockey player hayden pike roger cromwell: ok say it again without the hayden pike part shane hollander: sweats nervously (Or, imagine if #Shayden was the #LarryStylinson of the HR/GC universe)
- Part 1 of boy kissing and other illicit activities
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,140
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #76246531
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The Queerest Team in the NHL by Anonymous
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-02-01
“Man, are we the gayest team in the NHL or what?” Tanner Dillon joked.
“Ilya is bisexual,” Wyatt Hayes reminded him. Ilya raised his beer at Wyatt in thanks.
“The queerest team in the NHL,” Dillon corrected with barely a beat.
“We must be,” Shane said slowly, expression scrunched up as he seemed to seriously ponder the question. “There might be some teams with a closeted player, or maybe two, but five? Statistically speaking, that’s highly improbable.”
or
Luca Haas comes out to the team. Thank goodness queer sherpas Ilya, Shane, and Troy are there to guide him. And the Centaurs are supportive, obviously. Maybe too supportive.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,556
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78680141
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Luca: Everyone should be celebrating right now, not worrying about me. I’m so sorry Ilya: You're giving us more to celebrate! What is the point of us all coming out if you can’t bottom for two hot men? Luca: I’m not sure how to answer that In which Luca's Stanley Cup celebrations go viral thanks to TMZ and some poorly framed photos. Luckily (and at times mortifyingly), he has all the queer NHL stars who came before him in his corner.
- Part 5 of the secret society of stick handlers
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,624
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #78523776