1 – 20 of 47 Works in Press and Tabloids

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  1. “Mr Hollander, you and Ilya Rozanov have been photographed coming out of multiple hotels late at night. Can you explain that?”

    Shane panics. He can’t give the real answer, that they meet up every few months because he’s an undead monster and Rozanov happens to have delicious blood.

    “Um. We were… well. Gay sex! We were having gay sex!”

    Or: Shane Hollander isn’t in denial about being gay. He is in denial about being a vampire.

    Language:
    English
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    10,209
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #95543206
  2. “Sin Bin? Really?”
    Ilya grinned at the expression on Shane’s face. “You like?”
    “This is about fucking someone in the penalty box,” Shane told him.
    “Not someone, Shane. It’s about fucking you in the penalty box. Until you stop making your angry kitten face.”
    At least the song didn’t use the phrase ‘angry kitten’. Shane was grateful for that at least. “You use real hockey terms!”
    “Sin bin is slang, could mean anything,” Ilya said, still grinning.
    Shane looked down at the sheet of lyrics in his hand. “Sin bin, soft hands, checking, five minute major, rink, skating… this is a hockey themed porn song!”
    .....

    Shane Hollander is living two lives. In one life, he's leading a team that no longer likes or trusts him after his coming out. In the other life, he's experiencing love for the first time (in a secret relationship) with rock and roll star Ilya Rozanov.

    Those worlds are harder to separate when Ilya's song about Shane becomes an NHL meme.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    60,147
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #92949756
  3. The truth was, yeah, Shane married Ilya, but he’d married hockey first. He married hockey the second he signed his rookie contract with the Metros, and his courtship began long, long before. And his marriage to hockey wasn’t like his marriage to Ilya. Hockey wouldn’t ever love him back. Ilya wasn’t going to chew Shane up and spit him out at some nebulous point after he turned thirty and before he turned forty, his joints busted and his mouth full of dentures and his brain fucked to hell and back. And that marriage—his first marriage—had always come before his second, illicit shotgun wedding.

    It wasn’t ideal, maybe, but that was just how things were. Hell, it was probably the same for Ilya, too. The fuck was Shane supposed to do about it? Nothing, nothing, nothing. He liked his life just the way it was. He didn’t want to do anything different. He still doesn’t. And that’s the worst, most shameful part of it all: at the end of the day, some part of Shane will always wish he could wind back time like adjusting a watch; erase that Instagram post before it ever hit the internet and go back to the life they’d had before; the life that was slowly killing them both.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    87,089
    Chapters:
    10/11
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #86022951
  4. Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip
    Panic! At the Bell Centre! The Montreal Metros miss the playoffs for the second season in a row. Experts and fans are wondering: what’s happening in Montreal? We asked our experts: Link

    -or-

    Who's getting ready for the playoffs?

    Language:
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    5,446
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #89521511
  5. Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly
    Watching fans who literally helped run Shane out of Montreal talk about how much they miss him…..hmmm 🤨

    -or-

    Sometimes it hurts to remember just how good at hockey Shane Hollander actually is.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,969
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87838386
  6. “We do not say anything about the Hollander situation,” LeClaire tells them even though it sounds like he’s already resigned to what he knows is going to happen.

    After all, Roz gets extremely mad whenever it’s brought up. Not that Cliff can blame him, he’s pretty sure that Roz liked Hollander before this (wouldn’t chirp him half as much if he didn’t). Finding out that he’s such a bastard must sting.

    Not to mention that Roz does not mess around with people that disrespect girls. Or women. Or kids. Or dogs. Or the elderly (excluding Scott Hunter). Or really anyone, if it’s for petty stupid reasons.

    “Of course,” Cliff agrees for both of them since Roz is still too busy texting someone.

    It’s apparently not good enough for LeClaire because he asks, “Roz?”

    “Just one second,” he answers without raising his eyes from his phone or stopping his typing. “Need to get my Jane to agree with something. She’s very stubborn.”

     

    Or. My take on the 'their text leak and now everybody thinks that Shane is an abusive bastard' premise. Featuring Ilya giving a presser, Marly realizing in real time who 'Jane' is and the internet reacting to the craziness.

    Language:
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    24,602
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    3 versions
    AO3:
    #83866216
  7. “I’m Anania, this is Gaydar, and I’m going to find out if you are gay, straight or a homophobe, what is your name, and what are your pronouns?”
    “I’m Cliff Marleau.” Cliff smiles, then remembers the rest of the question. “Oh! Uh…he and him. Oh, and his. He, his, him?"
    “Are you asking, or…?” Anania eyes him with confusion.
    "No, it’s him, his, he.” Cliff nods his head with each word, saying them carefully.
    “Are you trying to get the order right?” Anania purses her lips to hold back a smile.
    “Yeah.” Cliff admits.

    OR: Cliff Marleau goes on Gaydar and has several identity crises.

    Language:
    English
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    4,934
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #87018361
  8. TMZ @TMZ
    Trouble in paradise? First Husbands of Hockey, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, spotted having a tense-looking debrief in their sprinter van right after leaving a fundraising event for the Ottawa Children’s Hospital. The couple appeared strained, sitting with quite a distance between them despite giving the appearance of being all over each other earlier in the night. Fans are wondering, is this the end of their chaotic “love story.”

    - or -

    Shane's getting really tired of people talking shit about his husband.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
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    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85786986
  9. "Mr. Hollander, with all due respect, there is a very clear difference here. No one is stopping you and Mr. Rozanov from doing whatever you want in your free time, but this is a workplace. Many players and fans feel uncomfortable watching that kind of behaviour-"

    "Then they can close their eyes," Shane interrupted in a very uncharacteristic manner.

     

    OR: Shane has been the NHL golden boy for 11 seasons, but some people are simply begging for a verbal slapdown. The internet reacts.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,384
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85568796
  10. In Monopoly, a "get out of jail free" card is a card that, as the name implies, lets the player get out of jail without paying for it. When you have that card, you don't have to play it immediately. You just hold onto it in case it's ever needed.

    The Montreal Metros had a rule in their contracts nobody really followed. It was stupid so everyone broke it, and it was just kind of an open secret. They'd never FIRE you for breaking it, so who cared?

    Well, a Shane Hollander who knew he was already doing something a lot worse that he couldn't legally be fired for and didn't want to give them a different excuse. That's who cared.

    Or: A post-game press conference gets very honest in a way that reflects a hell of a lot worse on his old team than it does on Shane.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,299
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #85467661
  11. Complex Sports @ComplexSports
    “Good luck.”
    Former Montreal Metros Captain Shane Hollander-Rozanov gives an “inspiring” two-word message to his former teammates ahead of the much-anticipated rematch between the Centaurs and the Metros.

    -or-

    Everyone wants a piece of Shane Hollander. Ilya has something to say about that.

     

    *Now with a bonus E-Rated chapter 🤭

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,042
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82837421
  12. “A lot of people were surprised by the video of Rozanov and Hollander last season, especially given the distraction it created around the playoffs. What was the reaction in the Bears locker room?”

    Or, Seb and Marly are left unsupervised at a post-game Bears press conference, and share their unfiltered thoughts.

    POV Cliff Marlow, set during the start of the 2021 season.

    Language:
    English
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    2,228
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #84912496
  13. “Name three reasons gay people need marriage equality.” Anania prompts.

    “Oh, easy.” Ilya says. “So I can marry Canadian man for citizenship.”

    “Okay, can you step into my office?” Anania turns around.

    “Okay.” Ilya turns around with them.

    “So, that’s a reason that some might say the opposition might use against gay marriage equality.”

    “They don’t want me as Canadian citizen?”

    “Well–”

    “I am national treasure. Canadians love me.”

    Shane can be heard scoffing from offscreen.
    ~
    OR: Ilya Rozanov goes on Gaydar and is interviewed by Anania to see if she can guess if he’s gay, straight, or a homophobe. She’s surprised by how well he’s doing.

    Language:
    English
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    2,939
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82962566
  14. “Name three lesbian artists.”

    “Artists? Like painters?”

    Anania chuckles. “Sure if you know any of those off the top of your head.”

    Shane looks at her with wide eyes.

    “Okay, I meant like, musicians, actors, entertainers.” Anania prompts him.

    “Oh,” Shane’s expression remains tinged with uncertainty. “Uh, do athletes count?”

    “No, I want to see if you know anything beyond sports.”

    “Okay, um…” Shane looks all around as if the answer might appear from around a tree. “Uh….”

    “Oh, honey.” Anania shook her head. “The bar is so low.”
    ~
    OR: Shane Hollander goes on Gaydar and is interviewed by Anania to see if she can guess if he’s gay, straight, or a homophobe. It goes about as badly as you’d expect.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,842
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82886671
  15. Zane Boodram @ZaneBBQed
    Y’all thought the competition stopped??? 😮‍💨

    -or-

    A harmless post starts Twitter discourse because, of course.
    It may also start a trend?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,598
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82177356
  16. Post-game press goes off the rails when a reporter confronts Shane about a new TMZ article: MLH Star Shane Hollander Has a Secret Girlfriend—And He Treats Her Like This?

    Shane’s texts had been leaked. They’d figured out he was dating Lily, and that the way he talked to her was… rough. They’d figured out he liked to get fucked. But they’d come to the completely wrong conclusions.

    They thought Shane Hollander was a secret misogynist who got pegged by his girlfriend.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,601
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82697761
  17. Now that their relationship is public, here are several clothing swap moments: from matching outfits to others that are undeniably the same article of clothing. I even threw in some from a few of the other boyfriends of hockey.

    OR: A notable tabloid publishes a second piece comparing the shared fashion of Ilya and Shane. This time drawing the correct conclusion that they are, in fact, sharing clothes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,364
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82498701
  18. Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip
    Questions arise about the timeline of the Hollander-Rozanov affair and Hollander’s sudden exit from the Montreal Metros after cryptic post: see more

    -or-

    Social media crashes out after the reveal of how long Hollanov have really been together.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,987
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81525036
  19. Ilya Rozanov always knew that Shane Hollander carried the Montreal Metros on his shoulders, but when the whole world gets to see the same thing, the game changes.
    And having to watch his boyfriend exhaust himself playing practically alone while his teammates ignore him makes anger bubble in Ilya's chest.
    But it's at his own press conference that things... heat up.

    OR,
    Ilya's POV interview after the Centaurs' victory and Shane's stumble, in which the author continues to rant about the Montreal Metros/Voyageurs being assholes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,805
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81702171
  20. Ilya can hear the squeak of wheels on linoleum floor, feel his body being moved along a hallway. Maybe the light dims in front of his eyelids when he’s pushed into an elevator. Maybe he’s just falling asleep.
    How is he supposed to tell?
    “Wait; is he okay?”
    Ilya knows that voice, hears the panic in it.
    “Please; how is he? Where are you taking him?”
    Shane’s here? Why would Shane be here in the hospital?
    If he’s in the hospital, how badly is he injured?

    Ilya gets injured during the playoffs, upending all of his and Shane's plans.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    109,211
    Chapters:
    22/22
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #78731691
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