81 – 100 of 135 Works in Anxiety
- Anxiety ×
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In which Shane learns about Russian nicknames, becomes obsessed with Ilya's, and fucks up.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,538
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77146056
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Shane distantly contemplated how much he would ache tomorrow, the tightness of his muscles already becoming a sure thing. Tomorrow. What an impossible thought, when he was currently present in a way that he rarely got to be in his day to day life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,792
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77042726
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Lay Your Head on Me by madeleineh32
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-04
Shane had made a joke, a passing quip, that if only they could somehow defy biology and reproduce naturally, that their child would be an unstoppable force of a hockey player. Hereditary. Genetic. Those were the words he’d used. Ilya knew what they meant. Or: Ilya thinks about what may have been passed onto him from his parents, and Shane comforts him. Ilya inhaled a shaky breath. He was, perhaps, overthinking. But also maybe he wasn’t. It had been an innocent, playful conversation about kids. Shane and him often spoke of their hypothetical children, joyfully imaging their lives post-hockey. They weren’t quite there yet, but it was something that, for a while, had been definitely mapped out in their future. So why was he breathing like the room was going to run out of oxygen? “Ilya?” Shane rested a careful hand on Ilya’s thigh. They were sat outside, the evening chill only just beginning to settle on their skin. The fire Shane had made was still flickering, though, casting a warm orange glow upon both men. “M’fine.” Ilya’s words were stilted, decidedly un-fine as he choked them out. He puffed out his cheeks, exhaling again, slower this time, furiously swiping at his eyes which were beginning to prickle with the threat of tears. He would not cry about this. “Come here,” Shane murmured, pulled Ilya sideways. He was like putty, folding immediately and nestling his head in Shane’s lap. It was warm, safe as Shane interlaced his fingers through Ilya’s hair. His other hand ran up and down Ilya’s arm, over the goosebumps that had raised the skin on his biceps. He sniffed once, then again. Blinked. Let his eyes lose focus as he watched the flames licking the sides of the fire-pit. “Is stupid,” Ilya muttered. “No.” “Da.” “What is it? You don’t… want kids?” Shane asked carefully, his voice measured. Ilya could tell, though, from years of hearing Shane’s voice in every capacity, that it was tinged with fear, fear of the answer. Ilya’s sure Shane knows that’s not the case; they spoke about kids often. Ilya loved kids, was great with them, and Shane knows that. He huffed out a laugh. Swiped at his eyes again. Nudged his head further into Shane’s lap, let Shane’s hand tighten against his scalp. He brought his other hand up and pressed it against Ilya’s forehead. Shane knew that always grounded him for some reason, having the pressure on his head. Stopped the noise somewhat. “When we say we adopt - of course. That is okay. I want that.” He hears Shane exhale, feels him relax slightly. “But when you say…” his English seemed to fail him. It always seemed to when he got like this. He shut his eyes, sighing with frustration. Shane had made a joke, a passing quip, that if only they could somehow defy biology and reproduce naturally, that their child would be an unstoppable force of a hockey player. Hereditary. Genetic. Those were the words he’d used. Ilya knew what they meant. “Take your time.” Shane’s hands wander back into Ilya’s hair, more gentle than the earlier pressure. “About our child being best hockey player. Genetics. DNA. Heredit–” He groans in frustration again. “Hereditary,” Shane finishes off softly. “Da. That.” Ilya’s hand reached up and he wraps his fingers around Shane’s wrist. “I was thinking. I am glad we cannot have baby. Together.” Shane’s confusion is palpable even without Ilya being able to see his face. He liked this about Shane. He liked being able to explain things to him in a way that made sense, because it made things make more sense in his own head, too. Shane just hums, urging Ilya to continue. “We know I am depressed, yes?” Shane’s fingers curl into his hair. “Like my mother. Maybe not same, exactly. But similar. Probably… hereditary.” He says the word slowly, testing it on his tongue. He hates the way his accent wraps around the syllables. He wishes Shane knew Russian, fluently. He wishes that he could ramble away, go off on tangents, not have to think everything through in both Russian and then English. He wishes he could speak perfect English. Perfect accent like Shane when he speaks French. Perfect Shane and his perfect genetics. He wishes he didn’t get wound up like this. He spirals so easily these days. He wishes he wasn’t so depressed. He wishes his mother hadn’t been depressed. Stop fucking spiralling. He feels his heart rate pick up again, hears his breathing go shallow. “Ilya.” Shane’s voice is grounding. It’s stern, without being unkind. He inhales again, deeply, his fingers pressing more into Shane’s wrist. “Sorry.” His voice is thick, and his mouth feels dry. Shane presses his hand against Ilya’s head again, and he leans into the pressure. “We’re managing it, though.” Shane’s voice is quiet as he cuts through the easing tension that hangs in the air. “Together.” “Yes.” Ilya pauses before speaking again. “Dementia is also hereditary,” He lets his words sit between them, hears Shane exhale as the other shoe drops. “That’s what you’re worried about?” Ilya lifts his hand in a shrug. “Yes, Shane. I think that is something anyone would worry about, no?” He doesn’t mean to sound like an asshole, especially not to Shane. “Okay, asshole.” Shane’s voice doesn’t hold any venom, only fondness, a little sad, even. Ilya almost smirks. They sit in silence for a moment, Shane carding his hands through Ilya’s curls, the crackle of the fire the only thing filling the absence of words for a moment. He speaks again.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,335
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77083736
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Maybe, Finally by beyondtheclose (BeforeEternity)
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-04
The fact that Kat's gay uncle she isn’t sure she has spoken a word to in her life is the captain of this particular hockey team has nothing to do with anything. It’s just another tourist activity while she's in Ottawa. There’s no guarantee that she’s even going to see him as more than a speck on the ice. She takes another deep breath. She has tickets for the signing. She’s planned what she’s going to say. It’ll be fine. Kat Rozanova, freshly 18, travels to Ottawa with one goal in mind: to meet her uncle.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,275
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77105341
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Shane spirals after a disastrous interview.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,754
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76670186
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Shane’s autism makes love complicated—until Ilya makes it safe. Shane Hollander loves deeply—but quietly. Crowded rooms, public affection, and the constant noise of the world weigh on him in ways he struggles to explain, especially when standing beside someone as open and radiant as his husband. Shane’s autism shapes how he experiences love, touch, and connection, often leaving him trapped in his own head, convinced he isn’t enough. Ilya knows better. Through gentle control, unwavering patience, and fierce devotion, Ilya becomes Shane’s anchor—guiding him back into his body, his breath, and the safety of being loved exactly as he is. Across moments of vulnerability, intimacy, and raw honesty, Shane must learn to voice his fears and trust that his differences are not a burden, but something Ilya cherishes. This is a story about quiet love, consent spoken and unspoken, and two men choosing each other again and again—softly, fiercely, forever.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,465
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77023166
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The voices were muffled but also bordering on yelling. It had slipped under Shane’s skin, crawled along his brain, left him incredibly uncomfortable and unable to sleep. He’d been woken up by the sounds. By the voices muffled by walls and yet grating against his every sense. How was Ilya able to sleep through this?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,264
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77012061
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something only you can have by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
You look so pretty when you’re angry. Shane blinked, his insides pooling inside him, like hot wax inside the end of a candle. He glanced around at Rose and Miles, who were chattering loudly, paying him no mind. He hadn’t heard from him since he had left, or well, fled, his house that day. Shane had checked the thread between them more than once, just to see if maybe his phone was glitched, that he had sent him a message and it just didn’t make its way through. Shane’s traitorous heart thumped faster as he tapped on the message, half-hoping it was a mirage, some kind of delusion from one too many blows to the head. He was always met with the same two messages, the last ones before Shane had run, and everything had settled like a rock sinking into the calm surface of a lake. Or, Ilya drunk texts Shane.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,484
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77011601
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He has his diet that he hates but that's fine, too, because he also has the self-control to stick to it. And maybe that's it's own reward, how good it feels to be able to be in complete control of at least one part of his life. Or, Shane isn't okay, no matter how much he tries to convince himself otherwise.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,620
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77028181
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there's a panic in this house, it's bound to surface by livelyvague
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-02
“Do what?” Shane replies, acting oblivious. He is on the floor of their bedroom, sort of contorting his body in a vague yoga pose that Ilya thinks means he's trying to stretch the pain away. “Do what?” Ilya repeats, completely monotone. “Where you act like you are superhuman! That your body is just a tool, and not a human body that may have issue!” or, shane bursts his appendix after a fight w/ ilya
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,423
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76902666
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To Be Remembered, Is To Be Loved by BrokenColors
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-01
Shane Hollander forgets his marriage. Ilya Rozanov doesn’t forget how to love him. As Shane recovers from a concussion that fractures his memories, the life they built together resurfaces in quieter ways. Through routine, touch, shared space, and an intimacy that refuses to disappear. Love, it turns out, doesn’t always need memory. Sometimes, it just needs time. -------- tl;dr - Hollanov's Amnesia AU in which Shane's last memory is July 2010, a.k.a the first time they hooked up in Toronto after shooting the commercial. Problem is, it is 2022, and they have been married for almost a year, but Shane cannot remember the past 12 years of his life with Ilya.
- Part 1 of To Be or Not To Be
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,876
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76882061
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we two boys together clinging by blossominribcage
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-31
At the cottage, one of Shane’s post-concussion headaches unexpectedly strikes.
- Part 1 of ilya and shane’s silly adventures
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,196
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76769276
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I feel safe when you're holding me near by DoubleVirgo
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-31
“You are lying liar who lies.” Shane heard Ilya as he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, looking down at the newly exposed skin. “Fuck off, Rozanov.” He says with no real force behind it, pushing his boyfriend away from him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,070
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76811031
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Ilya’s lips purse, and he gets that look on his face that means he’s about to say something terrible. “You are waiting for me to give you chocolate?” he asks, one of his eyebrows even more arched than usual. There it is. * In which the Boston Raiders are playing the Montreal Metros on February 15th, and it's totally normal for Shane to spend Valentine's Day with his very casual situationship.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,364
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76763746
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Ilya is going through a depressive episode alone on New Year's Eve. Shane, who knows him better than he thinks, realizes something is up.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,855
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76800991
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Til They Retire Your Number by technicallyverycowboy
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-31
They lapse back into a comfortable silence. Shane looks at Ilya as he is and thinks about Ilya as he was at seventeen, smoking in the back of a Saskatchewan parking lot. The image is almost unbearably tender for Shane, where his own seventeen year old thrill at seeing Ilya Rozanov meets all the things Shane knows about that lonely boy now. Shane thinks: Do you love number 81 more than you love this man? "Hey," Ilya says, brushing his knuckles over Shane's cheek. "Whatever I do, I will be there when you come home." Ilya decides to retire. Shane is very normal about it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,008
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76423186
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5 times Ilya supports Shane, and one time Shane realizes what's happening
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,407
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76721251
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Loud and Proud (and Anxious) by BluishFrog
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2025-12-30
Shane Hollander loves his new life. A life where he gets to go home with Ilya every day, where he gets to tell his friends and his team about the stupidly romantic things Ilya does without even noticing, where he gets to call Ilya his husband and no one thinks it’s a joke. Sharing that love with the world? That’s where it gets a little more complicated. Because even if Shane wants to loudly declare just how fucking incredible it is to love Ilya Rozanov— and be loved by him in return—sharing even the smallest detail of their private life with a wider audience makes him feel about the same as being slammed headfirst into the stands. Or: Shane might have left the closet behind him, but it takes a while before the closet stops haunting him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,042
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76220281
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Breaking the Cycle by TheOceanIsMyInkwell
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-29
When Shane was freshly sixteen, Yuna came home to find him freaking out by himself at the kitchen island. He was perched on one of the bar stools with his entire torso slumped across the counter and his arms extended in front of him, hands balled into fists on the granite. His head was buried between his shoulders and he didn’t sound like he was breathing. Yuna didn’t say anything for a solid thirty seconds. Alarms blaring in her head, she silently tossed her purse to the side and beelined for her son with her hands out to comfort him. --- Or: Five times Yuna suspected Shane was gay, and the one time she finally found the right words to say.
- Part 27 of Author's Favorites
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,599
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76667786
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Shane feels guilty for all of Ilya's sacrifices. Seeing Ilya's Instagram posts tips him over the edge. Maybe he's finally ready for the world to know more.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,224
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76650501