441 – 460 of 605 Works in Angst

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  1. "Everything was too much. Every number was too high. He didn’t necessarily want to change anything about his reflection. He had a healthy body, a good body--He was healthier than most of the population as a pro-athlete, and he took care of himself. But he did want to make sure his body stayed that way while he was resting. Limiting his intake made this possible, and he smiled a little when he saw the number on the scale go down, little by little every day, sickeningly proud of himself." -or- Shane Hollander is forced to rest. This has consequences.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,576
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77182366
  2. Shane Hollander finally gets the perfect job at Rozanov Enterprises as a personal assistant. What he didn’t account for, is becoming his boss’s—-Ilya Rozanov—-prey.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,387
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #75906381
  3. “You don’t have to.” Ilya whispers. “What?” “Love me. You don’t have to. To say it, you can move on, you can find someone better, you don’t have to.” he says. “I am. . . not good.” he settles on after trying to find the right words in his mind. *Alternate ending to episode 4*

    Language:
    English
    Words:
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    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77224741
  4. There was a twitter post. A video. The caption said #pissgate. The video started playing automatically, and Ilya saw the nondescript white tile of the Metros locker room, and then the camera peered around a corner, and there he was. There Shane was. It played just long enough for Ilya to hear himself—say it—and Shane—piss on me. please—before his phone fell from his nerveless fingers and shattered on the concrete.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,828
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77179151
  5. Homeward bound by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-01-06

    "What the fuck do you want?" Ilya snaps on the phone.
    "Father's dead," Alexei says and Ilya feels it in his chest like a physical blow.

    --
    Ilya hears his father is dead, right there in the locker room, surrounded by his team.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,496
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77220986
  6. The first time Ilya coughed up a flower, he was kneeling over a toilet in the penthouse of the Fontainebleau Las Vegas, for entirely the wrong fucking reason to be kneeling over a toilet in Vegas. There was no point in trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. He wasn’t an idiot. Hadn’t he seen his own mother waste away, coughing up clumps of clean white chamomile stained shocking scarlet? Hadn’t he known, on some level, that he was fated to follow in her footsteps one day, to throw his entire heart and soul into loving a person who would never — could never — love him back? No, Ilya knew what this was. He also knew he’d never set foot on the ice again if anyone found out. Blindly, he reached for the toilet paper, wiped his mouth, and then flushed the whole thing. Petals, too. He didn’t want to know what kind they were. Pizdets. It should’ve been a fucking maple leaf. ❁ ❆ ❁ ❆ ❁ the Hanahaki AU, in which Ilya loves Shane Hollander’s stupid face so much it makes him sick (literally)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,216
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #76559901
  7. It's New Years' Eve and Shane takes a Vodka-induced spiral through a level of jealousy he didn't know existed.

    ----

    He looked over the rim of his glass, eyes immediately landing on Ilya’s laughing face on the other side of the club near the bar. He had his arm slung over Svetlana’s shoulders, her neck comfortably at the bend of his elbow. Shane’s teeth ground together when Ilya used the crook of his arm to pull Svetlana closer, Ilya's head tipping down to place his ear near her mouth.

    It was Ilya’s turn to lean in to speak in Svetlana’s ear, a grin spreading over Svetlana’s gorgeous face as she listened to his words. 

    Shane could vividly imagine what Ilya’s voice would sound like at this point. It would be raspy and rough, like a rumble. He’d heard him sound like that a thousand times and Shane would never be sick of it. It made his chest tight, his heart hammering to think about the way Ilya’s soft lips would brush along his ear. How his tongue would lick up the shell before nipping at the spot under Shane’s ear that made him moan.

    But he wasn’t doing any of that. He was talking to Svetlana. His friend.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,465
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #76956761
  8. close my eyes and count by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-01-05

    You are the most important thing in my life. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough. Plane crash reversal where it’s Shane on the plane instead of Ilya

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,109
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77108856
  9. After their reconciliation in Tampa, Shane decides to face his fears and tell Ilya his true feelings, but when things don't go the way he wants to, Ilya finds he felt it too all this time. Or Ilya's too scared to confess but after Shane's accident he can't risk ever losing him again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,398
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #76582266
  10. Ilya and Shane are roommates in college. They both try to pretend it doesn’t mean anything when Ilya comes home to Shane randomly nesting in his bed after a few months of barely speaking, but when Shane presents as an omega, they can no longer deny their connection.

    Language:
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    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77128916
  11. Set after The Cottage except Ilya has another season with Boston before his free agency. When they played each other for the first time that season Shane was excited, but Ilya didn't share the sentiment. There was something wrong with him, he was chirping more than usual and checking a lot harder than necessary. Shane wished they could just talk, but Ilya wasn't in the mood. Things escalated in a way neither of them ever thought they would. Or: In all the years of their rivalry, Ilya and Shane have never fought on the ice before. At least, not before tonight.

    Language:
    English
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    4,119
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77159471
  12. Ilyusha by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-01-05

    In which Shane learns about Russian nicknames, becomes obsessed with Ilya's, and fucks up.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,538
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77146056
  13. Fall 2021 is the first season Shane plays Montreal as an Ottawa Centaur. It doesn't go well.

    Language:
    English
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    4,929
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    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77169791
  14. Shane distantly contemplated how much he would ache tomorrow, the tightness of his muscles already becoming a sure thing. Tomorrow. What an impossible thought, when he was currently present in a way that he rarely got to be in his day to day life.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77042726
  15. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in Ilya’s proximity—not at all—but rather the opposite. Shane wanted Ilya to take him apart, to hold and caress and touch him—but for Ilya, it appeared to differ. After the awards, after their time spent in his hotel room, it seemed Ilya wanted nothing more than space, kicking him out at the earliest possible opportunity. 'We didn’t even kiss.' The message sat typed out, but not deleted, in their chat, taunting him with the truth of what had happened that night. Ilya hadn’t kissed him, and that affected Shane. It affected him in ways he couldn’t begin to imagine, the constant thought of Ilya, Ilya, Ilya running Olympian laps in his mind. Clearly their… whatever they were, was affecting Shane more than Ilya, and that was an issue. The one person he longed for—when had he started longing for Ilya?— didn’t want him back, and it hurt. Okay, maybe Shane was overreacting, but still. It was going to be a difficult 24 hours, what with his sudden illness and combined heartache. OR After Las Vegas, Shane Hollander falls into subdrop. Ilya is there to pick him back up.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,731
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77035491
  16. Weak. But this time, instead of his father's voice, it was said in Shane's. Ilya could no longer fight to escape the nightmare that was his mind.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,880
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77052496
  17. Hayden kisses Jackie on the cheek, then peers over Shane’s shoulder at the batter. “Is it supposed to be that lumpy, man?” He asks it so innocently, like maybe it is supposed to be lumpy. Like maybe he just doesn’t know what batter is supposed to look like. Shane supposes he probably doesn’t. He’s never seen Hayden make anything more complicated than a protein shake. Shane hangs his head. “No.” Hayden laughs, Jackie laughs, and the kids clamber all over him to get a peek at the lumpy mixture. “That looks yucky,” Ruby observes with an air of wisdom from where she has managed to climb onto Shane’s back. “I don’t want to eat that,” her twin agrees from her mirrored position on Hayden. Jackie looks at Shane pityingly. “Shane, sweetie, I’m sure Ilya will be happy with anything you plan for him. Does it have to be a meal?” Shane glowers. “Yes.” --- Or, the one where Shane Hollander gets it in his head that he has to make a traditional Russian dish for Ilya as a grand romantic gesture

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,178
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77052531
  18. When a picture of Ilya's mother falls, the frame shattering, Ilya is pulled back, as he has been so many times, to the horrible memory of finding his mother's body. This time, though, he is not alone. This time, he has Shane to pull him back to reality.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,193
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77037096
  19. Shane had made a joke, a passing quip, that if only they could somehow defy biology and reproduce naturally, that their child would be an unstoppable force of a hockey player. Hereditary. Genetic. Those were the words he’d used. Ilya knew what they meant. Or: Ilya thinks about what may have been passed onto him from his parents, and Shane comforts him. Ilya inhaled a shaky breath. He was, perhaps, overthinking. But also maybe he wasn’t. It had been an innocent, playful conversation about kids. Shane and him often spoke of their hypothetical children, joyfully imaging their lives post-hockey. They weren’t quite there yet, but it was something that, for a while, had been definitely mapped out in their future. So why was he breathing like the room was going to run out of oxygen? “Ilya?” Shane rested a careful hand on Ilya’s thigh. They were sat outside, the evening chill only just beginning to settle on their skin. The fire Shane had made was still flickering, though, casting a warm orange glow upon both men. “M’fine.” Ilya’s words were stilted, decidedly un-fine as he choked them out. He puffed out his cheeks, exhaling again, slower this time, furiously swiping at his eyes which were beginning to prickle with the threat of tears. He would not cry about this. “Come here,” Shane murmured, pulled Ilya sideways. He was like putty, folding immediately and nestling his head in Shane’s lap. It was warm, safe as Shane interlaced his fingers through Ilya’s hair. His other hand ran up and down Ilya’s arm, over the goosebumps that had raised the skin on his biceps. He sniffed once, then again. Blinked. Let his eyes lose focus as he watched the flames licking the sides of the fire-pit. “Is stupid,” Ilya muttered. “No.” “Da.” “What is it? You don’t… want kids?” Shane asked carefully, his voice measured. Ilya could tell, though, from years of hearing Shane’s voice in every capacity, that it was tinged with fear, fear of the answer. Ilya’s sure Shane knows that’s not the case; they spoke about kids often. Ilya loved kids, was great with them, and Shane knows that. He huffed out a laugh. Swiped at his eyes again. Nudged his head further into Shane’s lap, let Shane’s hand tighten against his scalp. He brought his other hand up and pressed it against Ilya’s forehead. Shane knew that always grounded him for some reason, having the pressure on his head. Stopped the noise somewhat. “When we say we adopt - of course. That is okay. I want that.” He hears Shane exhale, feels him relax slightly. “But when you say…” his English seemed to fail him. It always seemed to when he got like this. He shut his eyes, sighing with frustration. Shane had made a joke, a passing quip, that if only they could somehow defy biology and reproduce naturally, that their child would be an unstoppable force of a hockey player. Hereditary. Genetic. Those were the words he’d used. Ilya knew what they meant. “Take your time.” Shane’s hands wander back into Ilya’s hair, more gentle than the earlier pressure. “About our child being best hockey player. Genetics. DNA. Heredit–” He groans in frustration again. “Hereditary,” Shane finishes off softly. “Da. That.” Ilya’s hand reached up and he wraps his fingers around Shane’s wrist. “I was thinking. I am glad we cannot have baby. Together.” Shane’s confusion is palpable even without Ilya being able to see his face. He liked this about Shane. He liked being able to explain things to him in a way that made sense, because it made things make more sense in his own head, too. Shane just hums, urging Ilya to continue. “We know I am depressed, yes?” Shane’s fingers curl into his hair. “Like my mother. Maybe not same, exactly. But similar. Probably… hereditary.” He says the word slowly, testing it on his tongue. He hates the way his accent wraps around the syllables. He wishes Shane knew Russian, fluently. He wishes that he could ramble away, go off on tangents, not have to think everything through in both Russian and then English. He wishes he could speak perfect English. Perfect accent like Shane when he speaks French. Perfect Shane and his perfect genetics. He wishes he didn’t get wound up like this. He spirals so easily these days. He wishes he wasn’t so depressed. He wishes his mother hadn’t been depressed. Stop fucking spiralling. He feels his heart rate pick up again, hears his breathing go shallow. “Ilya.” Shane’s voice is grounding. It’s stern, without being unkind. He inhales again, deeply, his fingers pressing more into Shane’s wrist. “Sorry.” His voice is thick, and his mouth feels dry. Shane presses his hand against Ilya’s head again, and he leans into the pressure. “We’re managing it, though.” Shane’s voice is quiet as he cuts through the easing tension that hangs in the air. “Together.” “Yes.” Ilya pauses before speaking again. “Dementia is also hereditary,” He lets his words sit between them, hears Shane exhale as the other shoe drops. “That’s what you’re worried about?” Ilya lifts his hand in a shrug. “Yes, Shane. I think that is something anyone would worry about, no?” He doesn’t mean to sound like an asshole, especially not to Shane. “Okay, asshole.” Shane’s voice doesn’t hold any venom, only fondness, a little sad, even. Ilya almost smirks. They sit in silence for a moment, Shane carding his hands through Ilya’s curls, the crackle of the fire the only thing filling the absence of words for a moment. He speaks again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,335
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77083736
  20. they come and they go by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • !
    • ✓

    2026-01-04

    someone breaks into shanes apartment and beats him up and no one knows...well no one except ilya who shane butt dialed and heard the whole thing ---- “Hello?” Ilya whispered into the phone. Muffled sounds were coming through the small speakers, but he couldn’t pick anything out. He muted the TV and turned the volume on his phone as high as it would go, then pressed his ear against the speaker. There was a man’s voice echoing, but it wasn’t Shane. “–ualt! All your fucking fault.” What?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,177
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #76224766
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