281 – 300 of 328 Works in Crack Treated Seriously

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  1. PopCrave @PopCrave Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander set to battle it out AGAIN for the #1 spot on this week's Apple Music Charts. [Attached are two photos from their latest concerts. Ilya is dripping in sweat, microphone in hand and a cheeky, toothy grin on his face. Hands are reaching up from the audience to worship him like they’re in gospel. Shane’s stage is swamped in a deep blue light, it’s just him with a bass guitar on stage. His eyes are closed and the crowd has their flashlights pointed towards him.] or Shane and Ilya are rival popstars coming through the ranks. People online are just a little obsessed with them.

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    1
    AO3:
    #77479966
  2. In the hospital after his injury, Shane accidentally says too much. —— Or, Shane is high as a kite and tells his nurse that he’s in love with Ilya. She keeps their secret.

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    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77479331
  3. Use this foolproof guide to make the fans love you! Not recommended by publicists.

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    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77468451
  4. After a mix-up leaves Hayden with the wrong phone for three days, he ends up learning more about Ilya Rozanov and his secret girlfriend, Jane.

    Another Hayden-Finds-Out, because we can't have too many.

    *now with the extra continuing Hayden-Rozanov friendship text threads*

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    Files:
    7 versions
    AO3:
    #77323121
  5. Shane Hollander is going to murder his agent.

    And he means that literally. Because his agent is the reason he’s currently wearing a hot mic during Hockey Night in Canada. Against the Ottawa Centaurs. Against Ilya.

    Ilya, who has no filter. Ilya, who thinks workplace professionalism is a hilarious suggestion for other people. Ilya, who has spent a decade perfecting the art of saying absolutely unhinged things to Shane on the ice, safe in the knowledge that nobody can hear him.

    Ilya, who definitely doesn’t know about the microphone.

    What follows is sixty minutes of Shane’s life flashing before his eyes while his secret boyfriend enthusiastically discusses their sex life, their broken furniture, and exactly what he wants to do to Shane after the game — all broadcast to millions of viewers.

    The problem? Shane can’t get a word in edgewise to warn him.

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    1
    AO3:
    #77451116
  6. Lipstick Kisses by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-01-09

    "Hockey rivalries make the game fun - for the players and for the fans. Nothing got your blood pumping like a good ole fashioned face off. It’s about more than just winning. It’s about honor. It’s about team loyalty. It’s about getting to shove your win in their face and blow raspberries like you’re five years old again. The darker side of rivalries involve unchecked reckless aggression. It ends in blood being spilt. Bones being broken. Players hauled off the rink into an ambulance. These are the sobering moments that make you snap out of it. It’s just a game. The fun is over. Someone’s hurt. " -- Shane's move to Ottawa unexpectedly causes a new rivalry to pop off and take over the NHL. He's been involved with rivalries his entire career, but this one might just take the cake.

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    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77359361
  7. "Can I really?" Shane asks worried. "Yup! Just give it a throw." A voice answers from behind the camera. "Ok," Shane says and gives the board a light throw. The board twirls up into the air before coming back down and hitting Shane in the head. "Wow, that was embarrassing." Shane and the people in the room all start to laugh. ** "Hey guys, I'm Shane Hollander, and this is my Wired Autocomplete Interview."

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    AO3:
    #77372726
  8. “Along these same lines, Shane is the only one allowed in my phone. He does not let anybody else in my contacts. Because I am bisexual, you know, he considers me talking to anybody but him to be cheating-” “-No I do not-” “-So, I cannot have teammates or coach in there and definitely no friends. He does all of our communicating through his own phone. Is a little inconvenient but anything to make him happy, yes?” “Ilya!” Shane shouts, “that is not true! Give me your phone right now, I’ll show them that you have more numbers in there and-” “It is recording,” Ilya points at the camera, causing Shane to look over and just sigh while Ilya continues on, “But you see, everybody, he even wants to check my phone every single day to make sure I am not breaking this rule, you just saw it there.” “That’s not what I meant!” * Comments: @shanehollanderhockeyplayer I’m never recording a video with you ever again. Okay yes I will but only if you promise not to slander me again. * OR, Ilya posts a video about the "rules" Shane has for him. These rules do not exist. Shane spirals.

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    AO3:
    #77370411
  9. No More 'House Tour' by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
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    • ?
    • ✓

    2026-01-08

    Clips of Ilya Rozanov and his shenanigans have always been popular amongst online hockey fans. Over time though, the most popular ones include Shane Hollander and their antics on the ice. The two just have a natural chemistry that was endearing to watch - and the videos only grow more popular after the two come out. This leads Shane to ask two simple questions: why the hell is 'House Tour' always blasting from Ilya's phone and why does every video feature his fucking back arch? --- I keep getting funny hockey clips popping up in my feed. So naturally my next thought was: what if this was Hollanov?

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    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77320896
  10. The MLH starts live-streaming a Mic'd up player every week. Unfortunately, Ilya forgets he's being streamed live to half a million people. Meanwhile, Shane Is gearing up to punch the next person to say he can't pull.

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    AO3:
    #77284991
  11. Kyle: Your sense of age is so weird. So Scott’s elderly and Luca’s a baby?
    Ilya: Yes
    Shane: Luca’s older than we were when we got together though
    Harris: He IS?
    Kyle: literally wtf is this timeline

    In which Harris adds Ilya and Shane to a gay WAGs group chat

    (Can be read as a standalone)

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    AO3:
    #77231051
  12. Ilya Rozanov has three problems: 1) he’s an NHL superstar 2) he’s hopelessly in love with his supposed rival, and 3) apparently writing fanfiction about it has cursed him with biblically proportionate bad luck.

    Between engine failures, fractured ankles, choking incidents, apartment floods, broken noses, fire alarms, and getting stuck in elevators, a reasonable person would stop writing.

    Ilya Rozanov is not a reasonable person.

    (A documentary of one man’s war against the AO3 author’s curse.)

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    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77286711
  13. Fan favourite Ilya Rozanov and newest Centaur Shane Hollander sit down with Harris Drover to talk sports, spice, and spilling the beans. Topics include the upcoming season, their thoughts on finally playing together, and hot sauce as a condiment. Join us for this week's edition of Spicy Face-Off as we see who can stand the heat of our questions and hand-selected hot sauces better. For social media, Shane and Ilya participate in the Hot Ones Challenge. Here are the ensuing shenanigans, told through group chats, video transcripts, and twitter conversations.

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    2 versions
    AO3:
    #76738611
  14. Robbed :( by

    Heated Rivalry (TV)
    • T
    • ✓

    2026-01-06

    Lily
    You have been robbed :(
    By children

    Jane
    What??

    Lily
    They are small business men
    Like lemonade stand
    But they are selling your things in lobby

    Or, Shane is terrorised by twins who live in a hotel in Boston.

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    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77182311
  15. “What the fuck is this?” Ilya turns from where he’s scrolling on the couch to see Shane holding up his laptop. On the laptop screen is a familiar webpage. ‘Vodka & Ginger Ale, Ilya Rozanov X Shane Hollander’ “I believe is called fanfiction Hollander, is very popular with young people,” Ilya replies casually. “And would you care to explain why, when I opened my laptop, it asked me if I wanted to publish another chapter?” -------------- I.e. Ilya writes a Fanfic based on their daily lives

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    Files:
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    AO3:
    #77195026
  16. Hayden finds Lily’s contact and touches the little call button. After a short time, the call connects. “Shane,” a breathless sound reaches his ear, a broken heavy Russian accent cut off by a choked up sob. “You scared me.” Hayden hangs up. OR Hayden calls Lily after Shane’s injury

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    3 versions
    AO3:
    #77222266
  17. "You ARE a pervert." "Yes, but I am Shane's pervert. Is different." "That's not the defense you think it is." "And when we—" Ilya stopped himself, grinned. "Is probably too much information, yes?" "WAY too much information." Ilya delivers a TED Talk titled "Shane Hollander 101" and Hayden is the unwilling audience.

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    AO3:
    #77123441
  18. MV WAGs Jackie: Ladies. Jackie: I need your help with something. Jackie: It might not be fully legal. Or Brad fucked around. Jackie and the WAGs are going to make sure he finds out.

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    AO3:
    #77077186
  19. “You wrote about us having sex while Hayden watches!”

    “Fictional us,” Ilya corrects. “Real us would never do that. Probably.” He pauses. “Unless …”

    “No!”

    Ilya Rozanov has always been competitive. But when his husband’s best friend starts calling a little too often, Ilya discovers a new arena for dominance: Archive of Our Own.

    Armed with a pseudonym that fools absolutely no one, explicit tags that would make a sailor blush, and a truly impressive commitment to pettiness, Ilya wages psychological warfare one kudos at a time. His weapon of choice? Extremely detailed fanfiction about why Hayden Pike will never, ever measure up.

    The problem? Hayden writes back.

    What follows is the most unhinged rivalry in hockey history: a battle fought not with fists or slapshots, but with comment sections, kudos, and increasingly creative ways to humiliate each other in front of thousands of readers. Featuring: footnoted statistics, educational sex advice, one very concerned wife, and Shane Hollander wondering what the hell he did to deserve this.

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    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77167196
  20. Ilya knows he needs to move on from Shane Hollander. He can't keep spending all his time scrolling through social media as fans gush about Shane and Rose Landry's newfound romance. What he needs is a way to fast forward to the future where he'll obviously be married to an absolute babe and over Hollander. Fifteen dollars doesn't feel like too much to spend for a spell that'll let him learn about his future spouse.

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    English
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    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77117521
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