181 – 200 of 228 Works in Panic Attacks
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you could never lose me by virtual_typewriter
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Shane is aware that he is an absolute mess, with hands trembling and shoulders shaking. His breaths are coming in short bursts, quicker than he is able to control them. The confession sits like an elephant between them, and yet, Ilya hasn’t moved, tracing soothing circles between Shane’s shoulder blades. “Sweetheart.” His husband’s voice is steady, soothing. “You need to breathe for me, okay? This isn’t good for you.” OR, after a night out with J.J. and Hayden, Shane wakes up, certain that he has cheated on Ilya. (Spoiler alert: he hasn’t)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,140
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77007726
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All Shane needed was physical comfort. He cried in Ilya’s arms, just as Ilya had. And both of them knew the fact that they were still there──both times──meant way more than they could’ve imagined. Ilya needed Shane to be okay. Shane wanted that for him, too. Each other's anchors. In which Shane has a panic attack the night before his first game back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,124
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76969861
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Now that Shane has been outed and joined the Ottawa Centaurs, he has to navigate how to act around his new team with his husband by his side.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,385
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76825846
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“Hollander.” Shane’s head snaps back to his left. Ilya is much closer, pace slightly hurried. “Come here.” His voice sort of mimics the way one would talk to an animal paralyzed in fight-or-flight. Shane is not sure what to make of that. He slowly turns his head in the opposite direction, where his vision tunnels on the door for the stairwell. It almost glows like a special item in a video game, like a hint. Without giving himself time to doubt, he bolts. “Wha- Hollander, what the fuck!” Ilya shouts in audible disbelief, and Shane distinctly hears matching thuds of frantic footsteps behind him; Ilya is chasing after him. Shane runs faster, positively sprinting at this point. He’s the fastest skater in the NHL right now. He can do this. He flings the door open and bounds down the steps two at a time, hitting the walls with each turn of a corner. If he eats shit on this filthy floor and embarrasses himself in front of Ilya, he thinks, he’ll never let himself see the light of day ever again. or alternatively, in which Shane accidentally sends the text, and Ilya chases after him. Like, actually chases after him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,498
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76900896
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I think I might be gay by Lupin71
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-02
Shane Hollander liked things a certain way. He needed them to be just right. This could be a blessing at times, making him a better hockey player, but then it also made having friends difficult. He never seemed to be able to scare off Ilya Rozanov though. No, Rozanov didn’t scare easily. - - - This is a story about Shane being autistic, gay, and falling in love when he really shouldn’t have.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,962
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76498391
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Once outside, he leaned forward and put his hand against the cold stone wall. His phone was still to his ear, the message still recording. “Ilya. Please. Please. I can’t do this. I don’t know what to do. Please. You can’t be dead.” His voice broke on the word. “I love you. I love you so much. More than anything. I need to hear your voice. I need you to…I need you…I need you…fuck. Please Ilya, please.” Shane took the phone away from his ear and held it between both hands as though he were praying. He realized he was on the floor and didn’t know how he got there. He was crying. He was fairly certain he was hyperventilating. His brain was desperately trying to grab at anything. Any thread of logic. Any idea of what to do next. I have to see him. Yes. That made sense. Shane needed to get to Tampa. Now. He would go there. He would find Ilya. Ilya would be fine. They would be together. He would see him. Tell him how much he loved him. He had to go. He had to go now. *** OR: What if Ilya lost his phone during the emergency landing, Shane couldn't reach him, he panicked, and chartered a plane to Tampa to find him instead...
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,838
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76841241
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There’s a problem with the plan. Shane hates spaghetti. But what he loves is Ilya calling him his boyfriend. That’s better than anything he’s ever felt before. Not even Ilya’s cock- wait. No. No, that’s... well, it’s a close second. Fifty-fifty. They say goodbye, and he drives them home (which is its own distinctly heavy topic of whose home belongs to whom) and they kiss as soon as they’re in the door and Ilya’s sliding inside not three minutes later and fucking him so, so good over his kitchen counter. And then he wakes up, and there are only seven days left. Shane thinks he probably hates the number seven more than he hates spaghetti.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,965
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76821181
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“You don’t…?” Rozanov trails off. “You don’t remember?” “Nope.” Shane says, popping the ‘p’ sound. “Amnesia. Oh my god, when I woke up, Rozanov, I thought we were filming that commercial. Do you remember it? Apparently it was a long time ago but to me it’s today. Fucking crazy.” or, after Shane's injury he wakes up with no memories of his hockey career or of his relationship with Ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,807
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76145091
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There's nowhere to go but on by dovaogedys
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-01
The first night they spend together at the cottage, and the emotions of the day overwhelm Shane. Ilya gets caught in the crossfire.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,554
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76866036
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To Be Remembered, Is To Be Loved by BrokenColors
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-01
Shane Hollander forgets his marriage. Ilya Rozanov doesn’t forget how to love him. As Shane recovers from a concussion that fractures his memories, the life they built together resurfaces in quieter ways. Through routine, touch, shared space, and an intimacy that refuses to disappear. Love, it turns out, doesn’t always need memory. Sometimes, it just needs time. -------- tl;dr - Hollanov's Amnesia AU in which Shane's last memory is July 2010, a.k.a the first time they hooked up in Toronto after shooting the commercial. Problem is, it is 2022, and they have been married for almost a year, but Shane cannot remember the past 12 years of his life with Ilya.
- Part 1 of To Be or Not To Be
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,876
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76882061
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“We finished early.” Ilya said, pressing soft kisses to Shane’s cheek, nose, and finally his lips. “Coach said I’m not useful anymore. Too distracted with thinking about some new player with freckles. Told me to finally free him from social-media tyrants and run for our lives.” He stopped for a moment. “Told me to go home and eat chicken parmesan.” Shane snorted. “I am not so sure about that last part.” “Is true,” Ilya claimed with absolute certainty. “Told me to add extra cheese. Because cheese helps build hockey muscles.” “Oh, does it? Never heard about that before.” “Never question Coach. That’s, like, the first rule.” OR Shane gets overwhelmed after being forced to spend a full day doing nothing but media appearances, photo shoots, and interviews before starting training camp with the Centaurs. Luckily, Ilya is there to save the day – as always.
- Part 1 of Happy Ever After
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,022
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76786171
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you are god over the storm, and i am yours by justhockey
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-30
He learned how to play the role they all wanted to see him in - learned how to wear the mask. But not with Ilya. Shane has never had to tone himself down for Ilya, never had to make himself smaller or quieter or more palatable. He has never had to shrink so that he is easier for Ilya to hold.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,606
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76730636
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Alpha’s don't get pregnant. Or at least, they don't normally get pregnant. Most of the time an Alpha interested in getting pregnant will opt to transition to an Omega (or get themselves Bitched) in order to have a baby. But after retirement… Shane really wants a baby. He wants Ilya’s baby. There's nothing stopping them now, no modeling no hockey, nothing. And Shane is so fixated on it. He knows there's an extremely low chance that he'll ever take, but Ilya’s been down to help make Shane's dream happen.
- Part 2 of alpha² hollanov
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,364
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76669026
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Such a Pretty Crier by Bruja_oscura
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-29
Shane is still learning that he doesn't have to be perfect in his own relationship. Ilya is still learning the rules of Shane's bad days. So when Shane tries to push him away after a crushing loss, it leads to a tense argument. But ten years of rivalry are no match for Shane’s tears; the second he starts to cry, Ilya folds like a house of cards. Or: Shane tries to starve himself as punishment for losing, Ilya tries to feed him, and it turns into a very soft night of pampering because Ilya is legally incapable of staying angry at a crying Shane.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,302
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76626856
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Tomorrow, he'll call Shane and apologise. He'll fix what he broke. He doesn't want Shane to be angry at him anymore. He doesn’t remember swerving to avoid a merging truck. He also doesn’t remember hitting the tree. Or: Ilya gets into a car accident. Shane is there to pick up the pieces.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,446
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76647441
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We will always have each other by Blombus
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-29
On the screen, it was the playoff game between Boston and Metros. Everything looked normal, except for one thing. It was that game. It was the game when Shane’s body collided with Cliff Marlow. The replay of the impact echoed through the speakers, too loud in the quiet cottage. The next footage came in slow motion. OR - their kids stumble upon the clip of the game when Shane got injured. It's the first time Ilya sees the footage. Shane helps Ilya work through the emotions.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,522
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76650621
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Shane getting his back blown out while wearing his boyfriends jersey, send tweet.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,926
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76552676
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something you can fix by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-27
Maybe if the video ended there, Shane thought, it would be okay. Okayish. Still incriminating. Still a fucking disaster. Still embarrassing, to have his breakup with this beautiful actress filmed and disseminated on Reddit of all fucking places, but not a nail in his coffin, burying him alive. But the video didn’t end there.
“Can I ask if you’ve ever been with another guy?” she had to ask.
And he, tears visible in his eyes, had to nod.
Just once. Just a single nod.
Why did he have to nod?
“Have you ever told anyone that before?” He shook his head. “Was it different? With a guy?”
“Of course.”
Of course.
“Was it better?”
“Yes.”
+++
Shane’s conversation with Rose is secretly recorded. Months later, after the All-Star game and Ilya’s confession in Russian, the video gets leaked online. Shane is outed to the world while Ilya is in Russia, and must now finish the 2016-2017 season with the entire world in on his secret.
- Part 1 of something you can fix
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,824
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 8 versions
- AO3:
- #76495636
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"Ilya had loved him through his worst moments. Ilya had helped him find a therapist when he’d collapsed on the floor of their hotel bathroom after losing a particularly brutal game, scratching at his chest. Ilya had held him, even when Shane yelled at him because there was panic crawling under his skin and he felt as though it might claw its way out. Ilya had told him it was okay; that it didn’t make him a bad player to resent the spotlight sometimes, that it didn’t make him a bad teammate to hate the team when they were too loud and too drunk and too physical, that it didn’t make him a bad person to need space to breathe. Ilya saved him.
And look what you give him in return. You’re a shitty husband, Shane Hollander.
You don’t deserve his last name."
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content warnings: discussion of mental health, depiction of a panic attack, depiction of invasive medical procedure, depiction of violence (generally non-graphic), use of hate speech, depiction of a hate crime
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 33,828
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #75703651
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How Will I Know (If He Really Loves Me) by dabforpalermo
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-25
Ilya Rozanov is a natural caretaker. Shane Hollander is a natural clutz who keeps getting into situations where he needs taking care of. Or: 5 times Ilya took care of Shane, and 1 time the favour was returned.
- Part 4 of Hollanov
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,301
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75791581