461 – 480 of 605 Works in Angst
- Angst ×
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hold me without hurting me (you'll be the first who ever did) by mightyd0lphin
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-04
Jane (21:23): Come over? Ilya stared at the message. Rage swirled in his stomach - that Shane would run out on him like that, spend the next two months shoving his fucking girlfriend in Ilya’s face, and then text him like none of that had happened. Like none of it mattered. Mixed in with the anger, though, and threatening to overwhelm it, was the hot burn of shame. Because Ilya was already texting back okay and putting on his shoes. Because he was fucking pathetic, and couldn’t resist. ~ instead of going to the club during episode 4, shane goes back to his apartment. then he texts ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,862
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77079381
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Shane spirals after a disastrous interview.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,754
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76670186
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“That he doesn’t need to be coddled and watched 24/7 just because he tried to take his own life. He has to show that he isn’t fucking crazy.”
- Part 2 of Irina Rozanova haunts the narrative
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,774
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76985031
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you could never lose me by virtual_typewriter
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Shane is aware that he is an absolute mess, with hands trembling and shoulders shaking. His breaths are coming in short bursts, quicker than he is able to control them. The confession sits like an elephant between them, and yet, Ilya hasn’t moved, tracing soothing circles between Shane’s shoulder blades. “Sweetheart.” His husband’s voice is steady, soothing. “You need to breathe for me, okay? This isn’t good for you.” OR, after a night out with J.J. and Hayden, Shane wakes up, certain that he has cheated on Ilya. (Spoiler alert: he hasn’t)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,140
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #77007726
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Oh, To Love Loudly by acollectionofgravebutbeautifulmistakes
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Was this it? Is this how he was supposed to die? After everything he’d done, everything he’d tried to do with his life, this was all he got? A plane crash that would surely end in a fiery explosion? His parents wouldn’t even have anything to bury. There would be no body left after this. He was their only child, and they wouldn’t even be able to have a proper funeral for him. Or, Shane is on the plane that is about to crash instead of Ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,692
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76970401
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Four times Ilya Rozanov denies himself Shane Hollander, and the one time he finally crumbles.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,275
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76988616
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shane hollander gets appendicitis by ur_worst_nitemare
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Shane gets appendicitis. That’s it. That’s the story.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,516
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76989286
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i'd share a life (and you'd share a life) by feeling_the_aster33
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Set in The Long Game. What if Shane was the one on the plane? And what if Ilya was on the bus with his team when Shane texted him? Based on a Tweet (link in notes)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,183
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76994601
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Ilya telling Shane to go away at the Olympics except Shane actually starts ignoring him. Ilya realizes he’s losing him and doesn’t want that.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,045
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76994606
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i saw you in a dream (you stayed the same) by sergeantfuckybarnes
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2026-01-03
Hollander’s face flashed in his mind, once again, as he took that glance backward that cost him the game, and almost his life. Before Marlowe had reached him, Hollander’s expression was pure triumph, a beaming smile directed towards Ilya that made his heart clench. This injury would likely prevent Hollander from playing the rest of the season, which would be devastating for both of them. Ilya could only hope that the rest of this season was all that Hollander would lose. Some outcomes could be much worse. Ilya couldn’t live in a world without Hollander. He wouldn’t. Ilya couldn’t even entertain that thought without getting nauseous. He took deep breaths in and out, leaning his head on the wall behind him. Slowly, his breathing began to even out as he drifted into a fitful sleep. OR Rozanov has glimpses of different lives with Hollander and realizes he would love Shane again and again.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,626
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76996846
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In the middle of the night, Ilya muses about home, only to realize that he's found it. Home was a strange concept for Ilya. Home had been his mom and her gentle smile that never reached for her eyes. Home was the embrace of her arms, too thin and shaky when Father had screamed at Ilya for any transgression. Home was her room, that smelled lightly of her perfume and the products she used for her hair. Home was her bed, where they would cuddle together when he was a little child and still allowed to get the comfort of her silent presence before Father deemed him too old for cuddles and screamed at her that she would turn him Пидорас. That had been the first time Ilya had realized that Father was never and he would never be home. Even as a child he was terrified of him, of his words, of his rage, of his judgment. Alexey was a copy of him. He never perceived his older brother as safe. At first, or at least Ilya thought, he had been a normal older brother, always ready to break his things or to eat the last sweets because he could, because he was older and bigger and Ilya didn't want to fight him. Then it happened, the shifts in their lives that would forever separate them. Ilya had been picked for sports, and Alexey never forgave him for being better at something. But it wasn't that which sealed their fate, that decided that Alexey could never be home. No, that happened when Alexey saw him with Sasha. That was the moment Alexey began to hate him, to resent his mere existence. That was the moment Ilya began to die inside knowing that he was alone. None of his family would ever love him for who he really was. Russia was complicated. Russia was supposed to be home. It was the place where he was born. The place where he had learned what a mother's love felt like. Russia was where his mom died by her own hands because she couldn't keep living like she was, a ghost in her own house, always scared of her husband, always mistreated and abused, always alone. Russia gave him his mom and then took her away, and yet Ilya loved Russia, like a boy who learns to love the land that gave him birth. But Russia couldn't love him back as Ilya craved. He craved a place to belong, but Russia rejected him for his sexuality, for the sin to love both boys and girls. Russia issued laws against people like Ilya. Russia made them criminals. Russia would witness, silent and cold like an evil stepmother, while those who dared to love in different ways were arrested, beaten or killed. Russia didn't care for those like Ilya and for that Ilya couldn't love Russia as much as he was supposed to. Russia still demanded his sweat and his blood. When he wore the Russian colors at the Olympic games, he was forced to give everything on the ice. It didn't matter if the same people who were his teammates would probably be in the mob formed to lynch him if they knew Ilya was different. It didn't matter if Father had screamed at him and Ilya had felt like the powerless child he once was, the one who was beaten to make him stronger, taken from everything he had loved to be turned into a machine made only to destroy his opponents on ice. Ilya wasn't the monster many believed he was, but he had to play the part to protect himself, to keep himself safe as much as he could. That monster was Father, that monster was Alexey, that monster was Russia, however it was Ilya who had to play the role. When he went to America Ilya felt like he could breathe for the first time in years. With Svetlana by his side, a connection with Russia yes, but also his childhood friend, one who never betrayed him, who never questioned him, one who perhaps even knew Ilya's secret and never told anyone, Ilya felt like he could perhaps have both, freedom and something that reminded him of home. America never became home. Sure, there Ilya could allow himself to be more open about who he was than he ever could be back in Moscow, but who was he really? Ilya didn't know. There were too many parts of him, too many pieces who couldn't fit together. Ilya had been broken too many times and now he didn't know who he was supposed to be. The only constant in his life was that he was good at hockey — damn good. One of the best players in the division, one of the raising stars of this brutal sport. Ilya knew he could be that. He could rebuild himself around being a player, even if that meant to be alone. Always alone. On ice Ilya was a beast. The Russian Monster everyone feared. On the ice Ilya could delude himself that he had a home, a place where he belonged. Out of the ring he was lost. He was someone who tried to fill the aching void inside his chest with warm bodies and expensive vodka. It worked for a bit, but little by little the void grew deeper in his chest and swallowed him whole. Ilya sometimes was sad, like his mom had been, so sad all he wanted to do was to curl up in bed and cry until nothing remained of him, but he couldn't. He had a team to lead, he had games to win. Father and Alexey loomed over him from afar. Send money. You are only good for that. You lost. We need more. We want more. More. More. More. More and the more he gave them, the more they hated him. The more he gave them, the emptier he felt inside, until, once again, nothing was left of him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,305
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77023741
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Gave You I Gave You I by Floriscope
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-03
Ilya breaks and Shane refuses to leave. Or; an alternative continuation to the post-fight scene in The Long Game.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,858
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77009761
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If anyone could make the Ottawa Senators a winning team, it was Ilya Rozanov. The move was pretty shocking for everyone, and some media outlets dared to declare it a carrier ending move. Ilya, being Ilya, decided to prove them all wrong. The first part of this is angst discussing Ilya's depression, the second is Ilya and Shane playing together in Ottawa and some smut.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,898
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #77023786
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Ilya Rozanov has always been good at wanting things too much. Nicotine. Sex. Alcohol. People, though? People are temporary. Then he meets Shane Hollander. Or, Ilya loves Shane
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,335
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76950016
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The Weight of the Quiet by DamnSterek
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-02
WARNING: the Long Game spoilers WARNING: Depression and (passive) suicidal themes Ilya navigates grief, isolation, and the weight of holding himself together, until he learns to let himself be supported when he can’t hold everything together alone.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,878
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76900701
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i keep closing my eyes, but i can't block you out by alpinelakegirl
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-02
A rewrite of episode four and what happens afterward. “Well yeah,” Shane said, his voice took the slightly bratty tone that Rozanov loves. “You keep your house cold as shit.” This made Rozanov burst out laughing. He went towards his dresser to pull out a hoodie. He pauses as he sees Shane’s perfectly folded outfit settle neatly on the wood. He lets a small smile cross his lips within the privacy his back has provided from Shane. Like in every piece of clothing Rozanov has ever had the luxury of peeling off of Shane’s body a neat S.H. was written on the label of Shane’s jacket. He was about to toss an old CCM sweatshirt to Shane when a different one caught his eye. The team had got them this year, they were black with the Boston Bear’s logo in yellow. The hoodie was branded with Rozanov’s number and last name on it. The thought of Hollander, Montreal’s and the NHL’s golden boy, wearing his name did something to him. I guess he didn’t care that Shane was a hockey god, the only thing he cared about was the fact that in a few moments he was going to see Shane wearing his last name. Something he couldn’t let himself dream of.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,984
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75676731
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Shane hires a sex worker to figure out if he likes men. Spoiler: He is not only gay, but he also falls in love with the sex worker.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,881
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76898651
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5 times Ilya Rozanov ruined his Shane Hollander’s “good boy” image & the 1 time he does it himself.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,997
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #76450746
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Love You in the Dark by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-02
Shane Hollander returns from his rendezvous with Rozanov wearing a gutted expression and a shirt that isn’t his.
OR: Hayden Pike finds out the truth. Sort of.
A/N: Title from the Adele song.
- Part 2 of My Moon
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 858
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76964566
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breathe in my lungs and i'll leave in your arms by flowersarepoisonous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2026-01-01
Ilya gets stuck out in the snow. Shane gets him warm again.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,301
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76855281