101 – 120 of 135 Works in Anxiety
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Crestfallen by hollzyilyuska_hazz
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-29
“Although I wouldn't change it. I love cooking for him. And he loves eating it, yes Shane?" Shane didn't quite register the question. He was still somewhat stuck at the sentence about his diet. His eyes were clouded and unfocused, looking straight ahead in the direction of the camera but not on it, rather over it. "So who is the cook in your relationship?" "Usually me," Ilya chuckled, answering Harris's question. He looked at his husband, before looking back at the camera, "Shane is on this performative diet, so he can't eat normal food. He always drinks this disgusting shake in the morning. He swears, he likes it, but I can see his handsome face scrunching up every time, he drinks it, trying to fight the urge to throw up. It's also a pain in the ass, trying to find a recipe, he can have. Although I wouldn't change it. I love cooking for him. And he loves eating it, yes Shane?" Shane didn't quite register the question. He was still somewhat stuck at the sentence about his diet. His eyes were clouded and unfocused, looking straight ahead in the direction of the camera but not on it, rather over it. Ilya and him were doing a video with Harris, as some kind of promotion of their team. Apparently their fans were eager to hear more about their marriage, which didn't sit quite right with Shane and his privacy. Shane wasn't someone, who shared things about his personal life to just anyone. His instagram had a few posts only and they were all some kinds of ads, sponsorships and game related content. It was rare to see anything remotely personal on there, which was the exact opposite to his partner's account. Ilya's instagram was filled with random pictures. Anya, the cottage, things Shane liked, their wedding... he posted just about everything, he saw. If Shane showed even a little hint of interest in something as simple as a bird, Ilya would take a picture of it and post it. The man was the same with his tattoos too and his 'stupid wolf-bird' tattoo was a great example of this. That's why Shane was uncomfortable with this interview right from the beginning. And he thought, he was dealing with it well, until this question was asked. Who is the cook in your relationship? Shane did cook sometimes, but not very often compared to his husband. It was Ilya's hobby to cook, especially if he could do it with Yuna, Shane's mom. Ilya always had to prepare special meals for Shane, because he was on a diet. A performative diet. Ilya had to adapt, because Shane was being difficult. It came to a point, where Shane wasn't sure anymore, if the diet was actually good for him and helping him, or it was just the feeling of discipline and control, that the man enjoyed and cherished so much. It was something stable in his life. Ever since the secret about their relationship was out of the bag, nothing seemed to be constant in Shane's life. He switched teams, because his team wasn't accepting him anymore. The team he gave everything to. The team, he carried, to winning three Stanley cups. The team that celebrated every win with him. It changed, after Shane came out to them. Most of them were supportive, but Shane wasn't blind. He could see some of those faces looking at him with disgust. So different to their happy and excited expression. After his relationship was out, even the supportive teammates were angry at him. All except Hayden and J.J., because apparently, "we can acccept you being gay. What we cannot accept, is your relationship with ILYA ROZANOV. A person who is supposed to be your rival." Truth was, Ilya was never Shane's rival. The media made it up, because it was convenient for them. Shane used to wish, him and Ilya were rivals. He used to think, it'd make everything easier. They were seventeen, when the entire mess started. It was supposed to be a one time thing happening out of curiosity and the need to do something, that wasn't expected of them. However after a few years of occasional hook ups, Shane realized, he was in too deep. The curiosity changed into love and Shane found himself yearning for Ilya anytime, they were away from each other. It felt, like Ilya was the only person, who actually knew him. Listened to him. He had to thank his past self for actually admitting and acknowledging his feelings for once and inviting Ilya to the cottage. He wouldn't have his precious husband otherwise. Another thing that seemed to change all the time was people's perception and opinion on them, as if it mattered. But it did. At least to Shane... Before the secret was revealed, the only thing the media could talk about, was how well Shane played in his games. Now they talked about everything. Analyzing every single thing and shoving their nose everywhere. Shane Hollander was seen with Rose Landry, is he cheating on his husband? Shane Hollander wasn't at the present in the game against Montreal today, is he sick or just jealous? Shane was still not able to deal with this. At least not completely. Even before their relationship was exposed to the entire world, Shane already struggled with people's opinions on him and what could happen, if he came out publicly. He was terrified of being judged, as it was something, he was very familiar with in his childhood. Fear of messing up, fear of being different... fear of not being good enough. He literally had a panic attack, when his parents found out. Imagine, how he reacted, when the entire world knew. Before starting hockey, he wasn't very popular among others. He wasn't white. He wasn't neurotypical. He wasn't straight. It may've been the twenty first century, but that didn't mean, people were any kinder. People used to bully him a lot, when he was little. For missing social cues, not understanding stuff others did... a lot of things. "Do you agree with what Ilya said, Shane?" He was pulled out of his thoughts by Harris asking him, if his husband was right. He raised his head and was immediately hit with a bright light and the camera pointed right at his face. "Y-yeah sure, I do," he stammered through his sentence, managing a small, slightly awkward smile. He never really knew, how he should act in front of a camera, when he wasn't playing
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5 times Shane Hollander makes a conscious effort to publicly display his affection for Ilya Rozanov, and 1 time he doesn't need to think so hard about it.
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- English
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- #76604681
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as you wander through this troubled world by justhockey
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-27
Having a child is like having a second heart beating outside of your body. You carry them, and you hold them in your arms for the very first time, and you soothe them when they cry. You protect them, and keep them safe, and you try and instil them with all the skills and attributes they need to succeed, to thrive, to be happy. You do that for as long as you can…as long as they will allow you. And then you let them go. You send them out into the world, and hope with everything in you that it doesn’t break them.
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- AO3:
- #76498021
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“Have you ever fucked yourself all the way through after you’ve come?” he asked, his warm, broad frame taking up the entire expanse of Shane’s back, and Shane’s brain was already hazy with the heady feeling of Ilya all around him. “What?” he asked slowly, trying to force his brain to catch up with what Ilya was saying. “Just what I said,” Shane could feel Ilya’s hard cock at the base of his spine, “Have you kept going after you’ve come?” He tried to think, even as Ilya’s distracting mouth was on his neck again. His breath stuttered, but Ilya was persistent, “Tell me.” “I don’t-” he shook his head slightly, like his ears were filled with water, “I don’t think so.” Or, Ilya pushes Shane to his limit.
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- #76378091
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these are the memories i keep by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-25
“You’re being difficult.” “I am not being difficult, Hollander, you are the one being difficult and annoying.” “I just don’t see what the big deal is,” Shane had his phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder as he moved around his kitchen, making breakfast, “It’s not like it’s some kind of classified information.” “Is just not important,” Ilya said evasively, and Shane could hear the sound of his fridge opening on the other end. “I think your birthday is very important,” Shane said stubbornly, setting his glass down a little harder than he meant to, so that it clacked against the countertop, “I don’t know why you’re acting like this about it.”
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Shane's anxiety has been getting worse. He has no idea why but it's impacting his game and that's a problem.
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- AO3:
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Like with everything, on the ice it was simple—he wanted to win, he wanted to beat Ilya. He was his fiercest competitor and his equal. Off the ice, that faded away—for him, at least. Ilya always saw him as an equal, even when they were too young and dumb to admit it. But for Shane, when the skates were off and cotton sheets were beneath him, he didn’t want to be Ilya’s equal. He wanted to belong to him. It was why the briefest touch was enough to make him fall to his knees. It was why he’d beg just to see his cock—to touch it—to taste it. Desperate to take anything Ilya would give him, and too shy to ask for it. Because what right did he have to ask Ilya Rozanov for anything? No, he had to earn it with his words and tears and tongue. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.
- Part 1 of Twenty Questions
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to be known the way you should is to put yourself through hell by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-21
Shane had been looking at Ilya. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, like a pinball in his head, banging from corner to corner, and he couldn’t slow it down, even as he tried to focus on the game still taking place in front of him. “Rozanov!” he heard his name distantly. He was staring at the place where Shane had been, unconscious on the ice. He saw him when he closed his eyes, his crumpled figure, his stick clattering away from him. Him looking back at Ilya, not seeing Marly coming. Time slowing down, Ilya being too slow. He couldn’t get to him, couldn’t make a noise. He could only watch, watch the collision, watch Shane hit the ice like a ton of bricks. Or, Shane is looking at Ilya when he gets injured. And all Ilya can do is feel guilty.
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- 5,184
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- AO3:
- #76067116
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i'm grateful to you for letting me lose by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-18
He wanted to bury his face in the juncture between his neck and shoulder, to breathe in the smell of him, to touch his skin and give him everything that he could. He wanted to give to him until there was nothing left, until Shane had disappeared into him forever. “Look at me,” Ilya’s voice was quiet, but Shane obeyed immediately, his eyes fuzzy at the corners, “How are you feeling?” Shane intended to lie. There was no reason to complicate things with hard truths that not even he understood. Instead, his lip wobbled, and he found that he couldn’t say anything at all. “Ah,” Ilya made a noise that sounded nearly as devastated as Shane felt, and put a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him forward. Shane went easily, his forehead pressing into Ilya’s shoulder, and breathing deeply through his nose, trying not to cry. Or, Shane drops after leaving Ilya's house.
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- AO3:
- #75897266
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Side By Side (Shield Me From My Fears) by ItsSoLine
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-17
Seeing Shane Hollander laid out on the ice was one of the worst moments of Ilya Rozanov's life. But it made him realize that he could not hide the truth anymore, no matter the aftermath.
- Part 2 of Boston Boyfriends
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- English
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- AO3:
- #75912331
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wonder under summer skies by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-15
“Do you really need all these pins?” Shane asked, watching Ilya carefully select the fourth box back in the row, which apparently gave him more luck, “You’ve already gotten like five boxes.” “But I want the dog,” Ilya said, looking at Shane as though he was the one who had lost his mind. “You got a dog!” “No, I want this dog,” he tapped the box impatiently, “What is his name?” “Pluto,” Shane said automatically, “He was my favorite as a kid.” “See? That is one I want.”
- Language:
- English
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- 1
- AO3:
- #75533861
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i buried my teeth in everything good by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-13
MLH Star Shane Hollander Seen Entering Rose Landry’s Upper West Side Mansion: Are They On Again? Immediately, his stomach sank. He stared at the photo attached to the article; Rose embracing him, kissing his cheek, a wide smile on her face. It sure looked like they were back together. “They’re talking about us again,” Shane said, looking at his phone anxiously, “I didn’t mean to cause a big stir-” “Shane, they freak out when I walk down the street to the bodega,” Rose said, idly turning a page in her magazine, “It’s not that serious.”
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- English
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- 5,750
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- 1
- AO3:
- #75482176
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After a high-pressure game, Shane Hollander is a live wire of anxious perfectionism, desperately insisting he's "fine." Ilya Rozanov knows better. He can smell the oncoming omega crash. When Shane's brittle control finally shatters, Ilya must use every ounce of his firm, grounding alpha presence to guide his omega through the collapse—from frantic resistance, to overwhelming relief, and finally, into the safe, quiet space of total submission and praise. (Or: The one where Shane falls apart, and Ilya is there to catch him.) Collapse Into Me __________________ The hotel room door clicked shut behind them, sealing out the roar of the arena, the flash of cameras, the echoing chants of both their names. Shane’s name had been chanted louder tonight. He’d been perfect. Flawless. A machine on the ice. And now, inside the quiet, opulent suite, he was methodically coming apart at the seams. Ilya watched him from the doorway, his own gear bag dropping to the floor with a soft thud. Shane had already marched across the living room, his movements sharp and economical. He placed his own bag by the closet with military precision, toeing it into a perfect parallel line with the wall. He shrugged out of his tailored dress jacket, folded it once, and laid it over the back of an armchair. His tie came next, the silk whispering as he pulled it loose, but instead of discarding it, he looped it neatly around his knuckles, over and over, a tight, anxious coil . To anyone else, he looked composed. Collected. The consummate professional finishing his post-game routine. But Ilya smelled it. Under the sweat and the sharp, chemical scent of the arena ice, Shane’s omega scent was thin. Wispy. Like burnt sugar and over-steeped tea, pulled too tight until it was about to snap. It was a scent Ilya knew intimately—the prelude to a crash. It was in the air between them, a frantic, fading sweetness that made the back of Ilya’s teeth ache with instinct. “Shane,” Ilya said, his voice deliberately calm. Neutral. He took a single, casual step into the room, not wanting to crowd him yet. “I’m fine,” Shane replied instantly, the words clipped. He didn’t turn around. He began to move, not toward the bedroom or the shower, but in a tight, precise line from the sofa to the window and back. Pacing. His dress shoes made a soft, relentless shush-shush on the carpet. “Just need to wind down. The second period, that turnover by the blue line—it was a misread. I saw Tremblay cutting in, but I thought he’d go wide, and if I’d just pivoted half a second sooner, taken the inside lane instead of committing to the boards—” “It led to a goal,” Ilya finished for him, staying where he was, leaning against the wall by the door. He kept his body loose, non-threatening. He unbuttoned his own cuffs, rolling his sleeves up slowly, an attempt to project normalcy. “You won, Shane. 4-1. You had two assists. You were the best player on the ice.” “It was a preventable goal,” Shane shot back, his voice tightening, rising a half-octave. The pacing quickened. Six steps to the window, a sharp pivot, six steps back. His hands flexed at his sides, the coiled tie cutting into his palm. “A stupid, careless— I knew their forecheck pattern. I knew it. I told Hayden to watch for it, I diagrammed it in the locker room. And then I fell for it. Like a rookie. They’ll see that on film. They’ll all see it.” His scent spiked, souring with the acid tang of anxiety. Ilya saw the fine tremor in Shane’s trapped hands before he shoved them into the pockets of his suit pants. He was still in the uniform of the public captain, the tie a little too tight, the crisp white shirt straining across shoulders held in rigid, defensive formation. Every line of him was vibrating with a energy that had nowhere to go but inward, turning toxic. Ilya pushed off the wall. “Come. Shower. The steam will help. We will order food.” He kept his tone practical, a lifeline of simple, physical next steps. “In a minute,” Shane dismissed, veering away from Ilya’s approach as if burned. He ended up at the minibar, staring at its glossy door as if it contained the answers. “I just need to think it through. Map it out. So it doesn’t happen again. If I can see the sequence, where the decision tree branched wrong, I can lock it down.” “You can think in the shower.” Ilya took another step, his voice layering with a gentle alpha rumble, a coaxing note meant to soothe, to pull him gently back from the edge. It had the opposite effect. Shane flinched, actually flinched, and took two rapid steps back, putting the bulk of an armchair between them. His eyes, when they finally flicked to Ilya’s, were wide and glassy with suppressed panic. The beautiful hazel was almost all pupil. “Don’t. Just— don’t, Ilya.” His voice cracked on the name. “I’m fine. I need space. I need to process. I can’t— I can’t think when you’re…” He gestured vaguely at Ilya’s entire presence. The ‘fine’ was a brittle lie, shattering even as he said it. Ilya could see the cracks spreading, a web of fine fractures across the perfect ice of Shane’s composure. Shane’s breathing was all wrong—shallow sips of air that didn’t reach his lungs, the rise and fall of his chest too quick and high. His knuckles were white where he gripped the back of the chair. The beautiful, controlled omega who commanded the ice with a whisper was being devoured from the inside by a frantic, scrambling thing, an animal caught in a trap of its own spinning thoughts. Ilya’s own instincts, usually kept on a firm, civilized leash, began to stir and then rise. A low- grade alarm pulsed through him, syncing with his heartbeat. His omega is in distress. He is not safe. He is not grounded. He is hurting himself. The analytical part of his brain, the strategist, concurred coldly: Shane was spiraling, his thoughts looping into a self-flagellating frenzy with no exit. He was seconds from hyperventilating, minutes from a full, shuddering omega crash that would leave him feeling raw, sick, and vulnerable for days. The time for gentle coaxing was over. The time for patient waiting had passed. Shane was too far gone to reach for the lifeline himself. Ilya would have to go in and get him. Ilya shifted. It was subtle, but in the charged, silent room, it was as loud as a thunderclap. He straightened to his full height, rolling his shoulders back, his spine aligning into a posture of pure, unassailable authority. He let his own scent bloom—not an aggressive challenge, but a deep, anchoring, deliberate wave of cedar, old leather, and steady, warm earth. An alpha’s scent of stability. Of claim. Of here, and now, and me. He poured it into the space, a tangible force meant to counter the thin, panicked sweetness choking the air.
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- AO3:
- #75628616
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watch you lookin' at a broken wing by only_the_golden
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2025-12-11
Shane decides to give therapy a try. Title from 'Luna Moth' by Maya Hawke
- Part 1 of Autistic Shane Hollander One-Shots
- Part 1 of i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
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- English
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- 2,140
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- 1
- AO3:
- #75575296
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[fond] adj. : have an affection or liking for someone “I love our friends, but after a certain point all I want is to get away from everything and just come home to you. With you. Whatever, as long as it's just-” he let out a big yawn, eyes fluttering shut, “just us. That's home.” He whispered, nuzzling in closer. Ilya watched the slowing of Shane's breath, the rise and fall of his chest, the way his eyelashes caressed his cheeks and felt that warmth again, spreading from his finger tips to his toes, coiling through his stomach and taking root in his heart. This overwhelming fondness. He was so in love with this man, and he thought about how right Shane was, even as sleep was pulling him under, the way he could understand Ilya's emotions and put a name to them even when Ilya didn't know it himself. Or: 5 times Ilya is fond of Shane and one time Shane is fond of Ilya.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,052
- Chapters:
- 6/6
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- 1
- AO3:
- #75065336
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Our Captain, Their Problem by Anonymous
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-11
Ilya Rozanov has a "tiny car accident" (his words). Shane Hollander has a full-scale, system-shutdown panic attack about it. Meanwhile, a horrified Hayden is praying for someone to throw him in a lake and tell him that this is all just a big joke, or maybe for a meteor strike; he is really not picky. J.J., on the other hand, is trying to bleach the image of his sweet captain making out with Ilya fucking Rozanov from his brain.
It's a very normal day for the Montreal Voyageurs.
- Language:
- English
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- 8,868
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- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #75575896
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according to your heart by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-07
“Did you see Rozanov get clocked by a fan outside?” JJ looked nothing short of delighted as he spread this news to the locker room after the game. Shane’s head snapped up. “What?” he couldn’t keep a note of panic out of his voice. Which was stupid, because he and Rozanov hadn’t spoken in months. Since Vegas. Not that Shane ever thought about Vegas. Or the texts that he hadn’t sent. Or anything like that.
- Language:
- English
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- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75319986
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Three times Ilya can't resist marking what's his, and one time Shane decides to return the favor. Or: Shane and Ilya's first season together on the Centaurs. Includes teasing teammates, introspection, therapy, personal growth, lots of sex and an attempt to bring home the Stanley Cup. (Also: A story about learning how to accept your true self and all the joy that can come from that.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,653
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #74095536
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it wasn't right (the way it went down) by theoneiam2277
Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry (TV)
2025-11-28
And so Shane steps into the Voyageurs' locker room, Luca on his heels, leaving the door open just a crack so Ilya and the others can hear what's going on. The room goes quiet immediately, all faces turning to Shane in shock. Hayden's the first to react, scrambling up from his stall, eyes wide. "Shane? What's going on?" "I just wanted to see if any of you were willing to talk? So quiet on the ice today. I thought you'd have things to say to me, all things considered." Shane sweeps his gaze over his former team, uses his disappointed-Captain-voice and feels a smidge of smugness when it clearly hits them as it always has. "So say them to my fucking face, not behind my back." --- Shane needs to clear the air with the Montreal Voyageurs. Post-Book 6: The Long Game.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,574
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #74896806
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your home is with me by bluerosebouquet
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-11-27
It was a rare thing, for Shane and Ilya to have a Friday night off at the same time during the season.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,835
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #74843296