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  1. They may not have any idea how to do it, but there’s no way in hell the Montreal Metros are going to risk losing their Captain to a more accepting team. Full of determination, grit, open hearts, and absolutely no savvy, this team is going to learn how to be allies, come hell or high water.


    Hayden: did anyone do the optional inclusivity training last season?
    J.J. Boizeau: no
    Lawrence Olsson: no
    Gilbert Comeau: no
    Petro Andropov: no
    Matty Wilson: no
    Cam Stedlund: no
    Albert Schneider: no
    Aleks Miitka: no
    Georges Gagnon: no
    Patrice Drapeau: no
    Hayden: excellent, we’re nailing this so far

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,730
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #83939626
  2. Haley
    Hi Shane! Just messaging about our heater again. Do you think we could get it fixed today?
    Shane
    So sorry for the late reply, Haley! I’m at the Olympics and my time zones are all messed up. Messaged my HVAC guy and he’ll be there in the morning.

    Haley
    screenshot.jpg
    Wtf?
    Katie
    Is this guy fr???

    Or: the trials and tribulations of renting from Shane Hollander.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,560
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82962906
  3. ‼️ Chapter 2 added 2026-05-20 ‼️

    The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

    He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.


    +16319607169

    See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
    This is Ilya Rozanov

    Yuna

    This is a fucking joke, right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,908
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #79664591
  4. Ilya goes on a roadie while Shane is still on LTIR.

    LISA: Whatever rocks your socks

    NICOLE: Whatever tickles your fancy

    CASSIE: Whatever flips your pancake

    SELENA: Whatever turns your crank

    CAITLIN: Whatever fondles your goose

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,112
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #84589631
  5. Bood: And what would this person need to get Roz to settle down?
    Roz: must be most beautiful person you have ever seen
    Roz: very funny but does not know they are funny
    Roz: and suck dick like their life depends on it

    Or: The Centaurs know that Roz is sad, and probably a little lonely. So they do their best to set him up with someone who matches his specific list of requirements. What they don't know is that their captain has already found that person.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,782
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #83065366
  6. Roz: it’s weird with her
    Roz: idk if anyone else ever has this happen
    Roz: but I can’t get enough from her
    Roz: usually after sex with someone I am done
    Roz: but the more I have of Jane, the more I want
    Roz: weird, right?

    Hammer: sounds like you’re falling for her, Rozy

    Roz: no, no
    Roz: like, sometimes I want to see her even after sex
    Roz: or text her but not dick pics
    Roz: weird feeling, like horny but for talking or hanging out
    Roz: its confusing, hard to explain

    Cliff: you’re literally just describing liking a person

    Cliff Marleau's seen his captain through some crazy times and some wild crash outs. This is a little foray into some of the group chats and nights out with the boys. Especially when Cap is in his feels about his Montreal Girl.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,445
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #80972336
  7. 5 times Shane Hollander privately walks Ilya Rozanov like and dog, and 1 time he does it publicly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,391
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #82120316
  8. @IlyaRozanov_81 ✅

    Hockey season boring right now 😴 so I found a new hobby. OnlyFans coming soon. You want to see my real skills? Not just on the ice 😏

    Follow there for exclusive content: onlyfans.com/ilyarozanov81

    @rozanovmouthguard: An Ilya Rozanov OnlyFans was not on my new year’s bingo card but OKAY

    @hockeydommymommy: If I subscribe and he doesn't post a video of him trying to put on skinny jeans when his thighs are too big I want my money back!

    In which a fake OnlyFans account of Ilya Rozanov goes viral, turning into the NHL’s worst nightmare. Ilya finds the whole thing deeply entertaining and immediately starts encouraging the bit.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,782
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #81528991
  9. Shane's eyes squeeze closed again. “We had reason to put rules in place. Protocol. If ever—if it got to a place where, if he was ever feeling like he might—"

    Hayden’s body understands before his mind catches up. His blood runs cold for a second, stuck on the scrunch of Shane’s face, the clench of his fist, how desperate he’d been to see Rozanov—Ilya—just now. To make sure that he was okay. Here, in person.

    Not hurt. Alive.

    “Oh,” Hayden hears himself say distantly. “Oh, fuck, Shane.”

    --

    or, Ilya needs a place to go, and Hayden's happens to be the closest. It turns out to be a good thing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,339
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #79787036
  10. Shane agrees to participate in a reel (thanks Harris!), so naturally, Ilya’s right there with him. The internet has a lot to say about this viral interview.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,124
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #77998831
  11. “Yuna, David - my husband just said he doesn’t love me anymore.” “I did not say that,” Shane argues, when he notes the disbelieving expressions on his parents’ faces. “I said we can’t get another dog.” “Exactly,” Ilya wails, throwing his arms up in the air. “Is same thing!” (Or, 5 times Ilya calls Shane his husband, and 1 time Shane calls Ilya his husband.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,882
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #77012846
  12. The resemblance hit Yuna like a punch to the gut. The same honey-colored curls, though hers were styled in a gorgeous twist at the back of her head. If Yuna could see past all of the times Ilya’s nose had been broken and re-healed, she imagined it would look something like the woman’s in front of her. And those eyes - a mix of hazel and gold with tiny flecks of green if you looked close enough. Ilya must have gotten his strong jaw from his father, because this woman’s features were narrow and sharp. Stunning.

    When she smiled, it looked so like Ilya’s that Yuna could have cried.

    “Irina,” she said.

    “Yuna,” Irina said, bowing her head politely.

    OR

    Ilya wishes on a star. The universe helps it come true.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,240
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    1
    AO3:
    #75058806
  13. The doorbell rings just as Shane is finishing brushing his teeth – the first thing they rose to do, because he wants to kiss Ilya good morning – and he and Ilya exchange a confused look in the bathroom mirror. It's barely dawn, and Ilya's curls are adorably tousled from sleep as he scratches his ribs lazily, toothbrush dangling from the corner of his mouth. 

    Shane hesitates, then rinses his toothpaste out and runs a hand through his hair. "Fuck, it's probably anti-doping."

    No one else would be here at this hour – unless it's an emergency.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,791
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Files:
    2 versions
    AO3:
    #73571001