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The MILF Theory (And Why the Internet Got It Wrong) by pucksandpower
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-29
The internet has decided that Ilya Rozanov is absolutely, definitely, 100% banging a Hollander. They’ve got photo evidence. Multiple sightings. Instagram stories from the same café. The man stayed OVERNIGHT at the Hollander residence. It’s the most legendary power move in NHL history: seduce your rival’s hot mom to assert dominance. There’s just one tiny problem with this theory. Ilya’s fucking a Hollander, all right. Just … not that one. Or in which Ilya’s boyfriend's mother keeps adopting him, the internet keeps assuming the worst, and Shane Hollander is having the worst month of his entire life. At least until he does something that breaks hockey forever. Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: 【授翻】香草妈妈理论（已完结） by 3Liquids Translation into Русский available: Это не то, что вы думаете! by dramione_must_reads r/hockey Posted by u/puckedup247 • 3h ago Okay what the FUCK is going on with Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander’s mom??? So I was at this charity thing in Ottawa yesterday (my aunt volunteers) and I literally saw Ilya Rozanov having brunch with Yuna Hollander. Just the two of them. At this cozy little place on Elgin Street. And like … they seemed REALLY comfortable with each other??? She kept touching his arm and laughing and he was doing that thing where he leans in all close when he talks. I took a pic but it’s blurry as hell (sorry, was trying to be subtle). Am I insane or is this weird??? Why would Rozanov be hanging out with his RIVAL’S MOM??? [Blurry photo of a curly-haired man in a leather jacket sitting across from an elegant woman with long black hair at a café table] 2.4k comments u/hockeyfan_617 819 points • 3h ago oh my fucking god u/BearsNation96 723 points • 3h ago LMAOOOOO this is the most alpha shit I’ve ever seen. Rozanov is literally fucking with Hollander by dating his mom. I’m fucking DECEASED 💀💀💀 u/VoyageursForever 651 points • 2h ago This cannot be real. This CANNOT be real. I refuse to believe this is happening. u/CheckingForHockey 589 points • 2h ago Guys, there’s probably a totally innocent explanation for- Actually no, I got nothing. This is wild. u/PuckSlut420 512 points • 2h ago okay but can we acknowledge that Yuna Hollander is like 52 and looks like THAT? I’d shoot my shot too tbh u/BearsNation96 301 points • 2h ago Right??? Total rocket. Rozanov’s got taste. u/MontrealMadness 445 points • 2h ago Shane Hollander is somewhere having a complete fucking meltdown right now and I wish I could see it u/hockeyinsider99 398 points • 2h ago This is the most elaborate mindfuck in NHL history. Rozanov saw “fuck the Voyageurs” and said “okay, specifically the mother of their first line center“ LILY: Someone on reddit has picture of me and your mama at brunch LILY: Is very blurry but still LILY: People think I am fucking her 😂😂😂 JANE: WHAT JANE: WHAT THE FUCK JANE: ILYA LILY: Is very funny! LILY: They think I do this to mess with you LILY: Like psychological warfare JANE: This is NOT funny JANE: People think you’re SLEEPING WITH MY MOTHER LILY: I know!!! 😂😂😂 LILY: Is hilarious JANE: ILYA. LILY: Shane, relax LILY: Your mama thinks is funny too LILY: She send me the reddit link JANE: oh my god JANE: oh my GOD
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,813
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76676306
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Shane tears his ACL and someone that looks a whole lot like Ilya Rozanov is spotted smoking a cigarette in the hospital parking lot.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,194
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76491946
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tell me you belong to me by BlackLilies
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-22
Shane was never the jealous type. Until Ilya Rozanov came into his life. 5+1 times fic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,489
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76180471
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"You won't if you want to fuck me tonight." Hollander had said in Russian. Dmitry glanced up, pausing from where he was unlacing his skates. What the fuck could in the conversation possibly have possibly led to this? He glanced at Rozanov, who'd been smirking and teasing Wyatt only a second earlier. Now, his mouth was firmly shut. All the rest of the team stared at Rozanov. Wyatt laughed. "Oh my God, Roz I don't even know what he said but you are so damn whipped!" "One word from the husband and he shuts up!" Bood crowed. Chouinard jumped in. "Yeah, what the hell did you say to shut him up that quickly, Hollzy?" (4 times shane was less boring than people thought. including hickeys, never have i ever, being in the room next door to them at a hotel, and a russian rookie)
- Part 2 of from the outside
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,285
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 3 versions
- AO3:
- #75403081
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"He's a fucking liar-" J.J shouted. The anger in his voice finally did it for Shane. The emotions bubbled over. "I get it okay! Yes, I lied! Fuck. But it wasn't just my secret to keep. Don't you get that?" A few of the guys scoffed. Drapeau crossed his arms, as if to say 'so what?'. "Oh, fuck this! It wasn't only my secret! It was his too. What was I supposed to do, tell you anyway?" "No. It's clear you'd choose him over us." J.J said, his lips pressed into a thin line. Shane scoffed incredulously. "Of course I would! Wouldn't you all choose your wives over the team? Your families? Fuck." No one said anything. Glancing around the room, they all seemed in shock. Maybe it was that he'd openly admitted to choosing Ilya over the team. Or maybe it was that he'd referred to Ilya as his family. (post-hayden/video-gate the montreal voyagers reacted badly. shane gives them a little more of his mind this time)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,251
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76134706
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Five times someone asked who Lily was, and one time Shane told the truth.
Or, “A Lesson in the Art of Subtlety,” presented by Shane Hollander, and witnessed by the Montreal Voyageurs.
(Inspired by the scene where Shane gets the dickpick and slams his phone down on the bed, and in ep4 when he aggressively tells Hayden he is going to visit a “friend”)
- Part 3 of The Montreal Girl (Lily & Jane)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,405
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75838736
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“We’re lovers.” Rozanov offered.
“What the fuck?” Hayden said.
Shane groaned. “Stop saying that, oh my God!”
“What? Is not true?”
“You two. You’re like- together?” Drapeau asked, his eyes flickering between the two of them.
“Christ, I’m gonna be sick.” Hayden said faintly.
Shane’s head reared back and Rozanov immediately stood. “Then fucking leave, Pike.”
Hayden realised what he’d said and held his hands up, a look of panic on his face. “No. No, I didn’t mean- Shane I’m fine with you being gay, I swear-“
Rozanov rolled his eyes. “Someone give this man a medal-“
“For fuck's sake, Ilya-“
(post-ilya moving to ottawa, hayden, jj & drapeau go to the cottage and find someone unexpected)
- Part 5 of ways they didn't find out
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,447
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75610156
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“I don’t hate him!” Hayden says, which is only true because hate doesn’t quite capture it. No, he despises Rozanov. In his defense, everyone with a pulse and without the last name Hollander does. Or: 5 times Hayden doesn’t get Shane and Ilya’s relationship, +1 time he does.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,450
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #75633306
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The Voyageurs ask Shane to join FanMail in order to foster a better connection with fans. Internet sleuths start to notice some interesting details in the background of Shane’s videos, and then the internet does...what the internet does.
Or Shane and Ilya are granted an opportunity to come out on their own terms. Sort of. And in they do it in a very Ilya way. (Surprisingly, it is Shane’s idea)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,185
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Files:
- 6 versions
- AO3:
- #75114181
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Shane and Ilya grow up and grow older in hockey locker rooms, where communal showers and homophobia are simple facts of life. This is a love letter to the experience of closeted queer puberty, and to all the weird parts about growing up as an athlete.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,116
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75413421
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"What are we going to do?" Shane whispered.
"I will tell them it was me." Rozanov said, interrupting them both.
"You would do that for Shane?" David asked.
"Is only way."
"Ilya, don't be stupid."
"Tell me other way then, Hollander."
Shane's eyes went glassy again. "But - you won't be able to go home. Russia. It won't be safe for you-"
Hayden exchanged a look with J.J. This whole situation was so fucked.
(someone working at the hotel leaks a picture of shane entering ilya's penthouse)
- Part 1 of ways they didn't find out
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,036
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75235571
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Shane's heart shatters when he finds a ring at Ilya's, the kind you propose with. A woman's ring. With Svetlana's name on it.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,376
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #75400901
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