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Mother Dearest, Is Your Heart Still Beating? by ItsMayBiTheWay
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-29
“We had a visitor waiting when we got back to the house tonight.” Yuna finally spoke. “It was, of course, alarming to find a stranger in our driveway, a car we didn’t recognize, a person we didn’t recognize.” “Okay.” Ilya intently listened, nodding at everything. “She explained that she had found me through the foundation, and wanted to reach out to me before she did anything else.” Her hands reassuringly squeezed around Ilya’s ones, eyes never leaving his even for a second. With a deep breath in, she closed her eyes. “She told us her name is Irina. Irina Sergeevna Rozanova.” OR Irina Rozanova survives her suicide attempt but goes into hiding. Only after Grigori dies, she feels safe enough to find her son. OR Irina lives
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,683
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76631301
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hiraeth (hee-ryth): a profound, nostalgic longing or homesickness for a home, place, or time that may never have existed or is lost forever “Do– Do you miss it?” Shane asked him carefully, tilting his head up so he could look Ilya in the eye. “Russia.” He wanted to brush the question off. To assure his husband that he didn’t miss the country in the slightest – because knowing Shane, if Ilya confessed that he did, he’d spiral into a guilt trip faster than Ilya could blink. Shane would probably believe him too. But he didn’t want to lie to his husband, or hide his feelings from him. They’d done that for so long, and Ilya was tired of it. “Mm, I don’t miss Russia,” he said slowly, searching his brain for the exact words he wanted to say. It was hard enough communicating his feelings as it was, but the fact that he had to do so in English made it even harder. Finding the words he wanted to say always seemed so exhausting. “But… I miss how it was when I was little. With my mother.” Home to Shane Hollander is a very different concept than it is for Ilya. To Shane Hollander, home was a cozy, inviting house just outside of Ottawa, a place where he’d been raised with nothing but love and care by two people who loved him more than anything in the world. To him, home was the place where nothing in the world could go wrong, where he was safe and protected. To Ilya, home was a far more difficult concept to grasp. The only true home he’d ever known, the only real love and care he’d had growing up, had died with his mother. It vanished with her, lost forever, never to be recovered. The cold, looming manor he’d grown up in was not the sort of place one would describe as a home. It had silence, where the Hollander house always had laughter. Cold, unyielding marble floors instead of soft rugs, ones that protected little knees learning how to walk and made the perfect place to sprawl on for a family movie night, rather than the marble that only ever left Ilya’s knees bleeding when he fell. It was the type of place where arguments were ended by a harsh, forceful hit instead of a hug. For years, whenever Ilya talked about home, he simply meant Russia. Moscow was where he’d grown up. It was more home than Boston was. The fierce, cold winters, the strolls along the Moskva, the familiar flow of Russian out of everyone’s mouths, that was what made it home. Familiarity. There was nothing wrong with Boston. Not really. It had just never felt like home. At first, Ilya had blamed it on the language barrier. His English had been good enough when he arrived, or so he thought, but soon he’d realized that trying to carry conversations all day, every day, in his second language was downright exhausting. And no matter how much he talked, no matter how many words came out of his mouth, he never felt like he was saying exactly what he wanted to. The message always ended up blurring along the way. But that feeling of not being at home didn’t ease once his English improved. After that, he blamed the food. He’d replaced the borscht and pelmeni he’d eaten his entire life with burgers and pasta - not exactly the most American food in the world but Boston’s North End meant Italian food was practically unavoidable in the city. He’d started cooking on his own more, trying to recreate the recipes his mother had made during his childhood. They were never quite the same as he remembered though, always leaving an odd taste in his mouth afterward. Eventually, he’d resigned himself to simply never feeling at home outside of Russia. After all, it was where he was born and where he’d been raised. Surely, every immigrant felt like this. Out of place, adrift, longing for a way back home. It wasn’t until he and Hollander had finally started become something more that Ilya finally realized just how fucked his definition of home was. How wrong it was that to him, home was a city, rather than a house filled with a family. “I wouldn’t be able to go home again,” he explained, knowing exactly how poorly things would turn for him if the people of Russia found out he was in love with a man. “Ever. Do you get that?” From the immediate look of confusion on Shane’s face, he could tell he didn’t. Shane’s fears about coming out revolved around hockey. The impact it would have on his dreams, on his goals, on winning another Cup. For Ilya, his fears were far more terrifying. “Because of your family?” he asked, and Ilya sighed in frustration. He wasn’t really annoyed with Shane. How could he be? It’d be like being mad at a cute, little puppy that didn’t know what it’d done wrong. Especially when the man had turned those stupidly soft, brown eyes on him, looking at Ilya like he was about to break apart at any moment. It was simply the reality of their situation. Ilya’s only home, or the only one he had left, was a place defined by mere borders on a map, and nothing more. Hollander’s was his family. When Ilya had said home, Shane hadn’t immediately thought about Russia. No, he was assuming Ilya couldn’t go home because his family wouldn’t approve. As though the problem was that Ilya would be kicked out onto the streets. And while that was partially the problem, it certainly wasn’t what Ilya had meant. His father’s house hadn’t been home in a long time. To Hollander, that was the worst possible scenario about coming out. Losing his family, even if that was a highly unlikely scenario. But that was how Canada was. For Ilya, the worst case scenario in Russia – and a highly likely one at that – was death. “Because Russia!” Ilya explained loudly, his temper boiling over. But his anger wasn’t at Shane. No, it was at the unfairness of the situation he’d found himself in. “I would not be able to go back to Russia!” Shane went quiet for a moment before hesitantly asking his next question, as though he didn’t want to know the answer. “What would happen to you?” The mere thought of being outed while in Russia was enough to nearly make him sick. He couldn’t say for certain what would happen. Had he been asked years ago, he would’ve said his father would kill him. Now, the man was so far gone he didn’t even remember who Ilya was. Perhaps Alexei would be the one to do it. Ilya wasn’t sure he’d have the guts to do it himself though. His brother had always been a coward. No, he’d probably turn Ilya over to whatever angry mob appeared first, and then that’d be it for him. Death, either by a hanging, or being dragged through the streets, or some other awful way to go out. “I don’t want to find out,” he confessed, swallowing heavily against the nausea waging a war in his stomach. The thought of losing Russia shouldn’t have terrified him so much.
- Part 4 of heated rivalry fics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,917
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 2 versions
- AO3:
- #76620251
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30 for 30: Heated Rivalry to Hidden Romance by BiblioLunatic
Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
2025-12-28
"...fans were interested in me and Ilya like they’re interested in a housefire. They weren’t drawn to the warmth, they were drawn to the destruction." Ten years after the scandal that shocked the hockey world, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov sit down for their first interviews since retirement. They’re finally going on the record for an account of the biggest rivalry in hockey and the unprecedented love that unfolded over the seasons. or: Shane and Ilya get to redo the documentary about their rivalry. This time they don't have to lie.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,835
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #76592011
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- Language:
- en
- Words:
- Chapters:
- ?/?
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