This Is Why We Have Media Training
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Ilya turned slightly toward the reporter. “Shane won’t say this, but it’s true. When your captain is calm, you don’t panic. You just… follow him.”
The reporter blinked. “You’re talking about Shane’s leadership?”
Ilya’s smile was devastating. “I am talking about my husband.”
The room sucked in a collective breath. Husband. Said as if they were discussing muffin recipes.
On the internet: Breaking: Shane Hollander maintains perfect composure while his teammate professes eternal devotion live on air.
Shane agrees to one post-game interview with Ilya. Ilya is determined to make sure everyone knows how brilliant, beautiful, and perfect his husband is.
Translated into Chinese
- Part 1 of This Is Why We Have Media Training
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,173
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78213626
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The top tweet read: Rozanov did not win that game. Hollander won it from the bench with VIBES and a JERSEY two sizes too big.
The side-by-side said it all: Ilya looking derailed by Shane casually adjusting his sleeve.
Another chimed in: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MARRY YOUR CAPTAIN.
Ilya gets distracted mid-match because his husband wears his jersey.
Harris makes a PR decision. The internet makes it worse.
Featuring: one cursed jersey bet, one tired PR manager, and a fanbase that has decided Shane Hollander controls his husband with eye contact alone.
Translated into Chinese
- Part 2 of This Is Why We Have Media Training
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,698
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #78879561
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“Rozanov, back up.”
“Backing up,” Ilya said evenly, “But if he touches my husband again I will explore violence.”
Shane exhaled, resigned. "You are sitting next to me for a reason.”
“Yes,” Ilya agreed. “Leash.”
@downbadinottawa
There are FOSSILS less down than Rozanov. He is WHIPPED and PROUD of it.@montrealdefender
we are getting destroyed by a guy who just publicly admitted his husband controls him. this is the worst timeline.When Ottawa faces Montreal again, Shane keeps it professional. Ilya absolutely does not.
Featuring: one infamous Hollanov Wikipedia page and a professional athlete with a marriage kink.
Translated into Chinese
- Part 3 of This Is Why We Have Media Training
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,733
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79390261
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A reporter stepped forward. "Rozanov. Thoughts on Shane's new look?"
"The wolfcut is falling perfectly," Ilya explained. "Also, Shane had very good game tonight. But I could not appreciate properly because I was too busy thinking about how pretty he is."
On Twitter: Rozanov looking at Hollander’s wolfcut like it personally saved his life is my Roman Empire 🙏
When Shane grows his hair out into a wolf cut and starts tying it into a bun, Ilya becomes distracted on the ice, and very publicly on the internet.
Featuring: a viral hair tuck, a possessive tweet, and a team rule that exists solely because Ilya cannot behave.
- Part 4 of This Is Why We Have Media Training
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,244
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #79580401
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"Good evening, everyone. Joining us in the booth tonight is former Centaurs captain Ilya Rozanov."
"And there's Shane Hollander with the puck," Ilya greeted warmly. "Talented and beautiful man with incredible thighs. Married, unfortunately for the rest of you."
The broadcast camera zoomed in on Shane's face.
"That's my husband," Ilya added, just in case anyone had forgotten.
The Ottawa Centaurs are playing Montreal in the most anticipated matchup of the season. Unfortunately for everyone involved, retired Centaurs legend Ilya Rozanov has been invited to guest commentate.
Featuring: biased commentary, Montreal slander, and aggressive husband hyping.
- Part 5 of This Is Why We Have Media Training
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,922
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #80953641