Summary:

The thing is, Shane is not stupid. He learned a thing or two from his last relapse. It had been a mess, dealing with Ilya and healing the wound. It wasn’t worth the trouble, he told himself. But what if it was? What if it is? He knows his body and mind is tricking him, the way it remembers the relief and not the complications. He can’t make sense of it because the memory of the pain and the airiness and the break from everything is so, so strong in his mind it kind of overpowers everything else. Or: Shane doesn't want to keep secrets from Ilya.