1 – 1 of 1 Work in Ilya's depression mentioned
- Ilya's depression mentioned ×
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Ilya and Shane talking with friends after dealing with the press, then Shane helps Ilya relax. Part of a day through Ilya's POV focusing on his relationship with speaking English, and also times he doesn't need to use it, and when he doesn't need words at all “You’ve had many brilliant moments on the ice, but when people ask what the best day of your career has been, you say it was the day you got drafted. Why is that?” Maria Sellings said with a smile. She sat across from Ilya in one of the many small nooks set up in the convention hall for interviews. Whatever site or podcast she worked for was a smaller one and most players didn’t bother talking to her, but Ilya liked that she asked good questions. Sometimes reporters asked him dumb questions even if he’d answered the same question hundreds of times, or had avoided answering hundreds of time. She never did that. He liked this question in particular. “It is hard to say when things started between Shane and myself. I could give many answers, all true in one way or another. We spent some time together, the night after the draft.” Ilya remembered the way Shane had stared at him, the way he’d reacted to the slightest touch. Even though they’d barely spoken, barely touched, that night had burned in both their minds for months afterwards. “One morning he told me, he should have known from that moment, that we’d never be able to let go of each other. Later that day, I had a press conference and was still thinking of him. Someone asked about the best day I’d had in the NHL, so I said that day.” She blinked, clearly surprised by the answer, so he kept talking. “People say it was me being humble, always saying that, so grateful to be in the NHL. I love NHL, but I earned my place. It was not a gift. Though, being drafted into the same division as Shane, put on teams where we’d play so much, that perhaps was a gift.” “All this time you were talking about Shane Hollander, and the day that linked your careers together?” “I could not tell the world I loved him in words they could understand, so I said it in words they could not understand. I said it thousands of times over the years. I needed to say it.” He remembered when he’d been in Russia and spoke Russian to Shane, back before Shane knew a word of it. Shane had given him an outlet for his feelings, and he’d been doing a variation on the same thing ever since. He wanted to tell that story, but not today. He’d already wrestled a number of complicated ideas into English. “Can you tell us any other ways you’ve said it?” Ilya made a broad gesture with his hand. “It’s everywhere, in my interviews and posts. Just look and you will begin to see.” He would have explained a few of his cryptic images, but this was his last interview of the day and he was getting tired. She smiled and lobbed him a few softball questions about the upcoming All Star events. Once the interview was done, Ilya went to join Shane and some of their friends. Shane had rented a private area near the hotel’s pool just for them, Scott, Kip, Troy and Harris. Troy hadn’t been selected to play in the games, but Ilya and Shane where both entitled to bring a guest. They’d used the spots to bring their friends. They wanted Troy to get a chance to get to better get to know Scott and his partner and bring Harris further into their little circle of queer hockey player friends, so they’d arranged a little corner of the strip just for them. Scott had been surprised and grateful when they told him the plans. Kip rarely traveled to games because he’d wind up spending a lot of time bored or dodging reporters. Having a place to hide on press day and people in their little growing queer hockey community to hang out with made Kip decide to come along this time. Scott was elated to get more time with him. Ilya wished all of the queer couples they knew could all be here, but gathering at least some of them together felt good. He was glad the All-Star Games were back in Las Vegas. He loved the city. He’d love it just for the noise, the luxury, the food and people dressing sexy, but there was more to it than that. Somewhere along the strip, behind one of the tens of thousands of hotel room windows glinting in the bright afternoon sun, in a massive suite, he’d made a very special memory with Shane, one that at the time had felt so painful. How shamelessly Shane had indulged him by touching himself, going along with Ilya’s commands, that night still made his blood run hot, even though longing for more had torn at his heart. They were finally living together and out, but that was still new to them, just a handful of months after over a decade of keeping secrets. The massive, overwhelming stress that ruled their lives was gone, but Shane often joked that his nerves still hadn’t gotten the memo. Years in the closet had left marks of both of them, different marks, but marks all the same. Sometimes, it felt like it was just yesterday that they were hiding and Ilya was struggling with a painful loneliness he didn’t know how to talk about. He needed to go find his husband and breathe him in. He needed to kiss him in front of people. He swung by their room to change into swim trunks and took the stairs down, not wanting to wait on an elevator. He walked past the massive pool surrounded by lounge chairs and curtained daybeds. The area Shane had rented was called a cabana and seemed to be a cross between a tent and a patio. Drapes of white fabric and tall plants gave them a measure of privacy while still having easy access to everything. Through the entrance, he could see Shane laying back in what looked like a giant wicker bowl filled with cushions. He ignored the others for the moment and launched himself at his husband, half landing on him. Even though it was winter, it was still Vegas so Shane’s skin had a slight sheen of sweat and smelled good, like he’d just started a work out. Salt, seaweed and the comforting scent of Shane that was so deeply imprinted into his brain flooded his mind. He took a deep breath to center himself. Shane was solid and warm and leaning into him, like he knew what Ilya needed. Once Ilya relaxed, they grabbed and pushed at each other until Shane was tucked under his arm. They were half snuggled close and half sprawled out to not overheat, legs falling however was comfortable, bottles of beer and various appetizers in easy reach. Harris’ laughter almost covered up Scott’s good natured complaining about Ilya’s antics.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,086
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Files:
- 1
- AO3:
- #67174741