Summary:

Nobody knows. Shane and Ilya are in love and nobody knows, it’s starting to drive him crazy. He just wants his friends to accept it and move on, but it’s a work in progress. Shane never wanted to leave this bed. It was warm, his mind was quiet, he had no worries in this bed. His boyfriend had made sure to fuck all his worries away. And now he was cuddled up with him, counting his heartbeats, and tracing patters over his shoulder. He’s been so stressed lately. The hiding was finally catching up to him, the sneaking around, the mysterious texts, disappearing on his team without an explanation, trying to worm his way out of questions he couldn’t answer. It was exhausting, even with him and Ilya being closer than ever, emotionally and physically. This season has been more tiring than any other, and it’s not even half over. He knew what he needed to do, but he was dreading it. He wanted the whole world to know about them without having to answer questions about it. We’re in love, move on. “We need to get up. You have two hour drive back, and practice in the morning” Ilya presses a kiss into his hair, jostling him slightly as he moves to get up. Shane puts a hand on his chest to make him stay “just one more minute, please” he tried to keep his voice steady, like he wasn’t breaking apart at the seams. “What is wrong?” He tried to duck his head and get a look into his lovers eyes, but Shane shied away, turning into Ilyas neck to hide his face “hey…hey, come here, look at me” he gently pried Shane’s face out of hiding and looked in his glossy eyes. “what is wrong?” He asked agin, this time Shane had nowhere to hide, he let it all show on his face, his lip quivered, his eyes overflowed, his breathing stuttered. Ilya quickly pulled him back to his chest, hugging him close, running his fingers through Shane’s hair softly, soothingly. “I hate this. I’m sorry, I know I’m acting stupid but” he cut himself off with a whimper “no, is not stupid. I hate it too, I miss you so much when you are gone, my love” he whispered, hoping the quiet words would relax him a little. “I just wish we didn’t have to hide, I know I’ve been adamant about not coming out, but I want to. I want to hold your hand, and kiss you, and love you. I want to tell everyone I love you, I just hate that they’ll have opinions” he was rambling, and as much as Ilyas heart fluttered at the thought, Shane Hollander shouting his love for Ilya Rozanov from the rooftops, or maybe from centre ice, he had to calm him down first. “I know, is awful, but no matter what we do, what happens, we will still have this. I will still have you, in my bed, naked” he grinned as Shane lightly smacked his chest “nobody can take that away, opinions can’t take this away” he finished, smiling sadly onto Shane’s hairline, pressing little kisses all over. “I want to come out” Shane whispered, and Ilya nodded solemnly, he did too. But Shane shook his head and sat up “no, like, I want to come out. To the team at least” and Ilyas heart stopped. They had talked about it before, many many many times before, but Shane was always too frightened, and understandably in Ilyas opinion, his team was awful. But he hadn’t pushed, didn’t want to make Shane feel bad about things he couldn’t control. “you mean, you want to tell them you are into men?” He asked carefully, not wanting to get his hopes up, of course he wanted to world to know Shane Hollander was his (including the voyagers stupid team), but he would take it at his pace, not pushing, just supporting. “well yes, but no. I want to tell them about us. Me and you” he took a deep breath, as if waiting for Ilya to get mad, but all he could do was smile. He was scared, absolutely terrified, but he didn’t care right now. Right now his boyfriend was saying he wanted to tell his whole world, his team, that he was in love with him. And that felt like winning the lottery, twice, hell. It felt like winning the world. “okay, then we tell them, do you want to do it on your own? Or would you like me to be there?” He secretly hoped Shane would ask him to be there, in case anyone got any ideas Ilya had to remind them how big of an asshole he could be. “I’d like you there, if that’s okay with you, you don’t have to if you don’t want to- I just think. It might be easier to explain” he was rambling again, and Ilya loved it. He loved him. So much. he laced his fingers through Shane’s twisted hands, squeezing. “I will be wherever you need me to be” he said seriously, needing Shane to know he was in this, completely. “okay, we’ll talk to them next time we’re all together. I think you play in Montreal in a couple weeks, right?” Ilya almost laughed, as if he was waiting that long. “I have a next weekend off, I will come in then, if that is okay with you” he was already planning the trip in his head, leave after practice on Friday afternoon, be in Montreal by 3, spend the day fucking any stray thoughts from Shane’s mind, tell his team Saturday morning, spend the rest of the weekend fucking him again. Perfect weekend. “oh. Okay, yeah, we can do that” he looked almost surprised, as if he didn’t already know Ilya would move heaven and earth for him. “okay, now. Don’t worry about that” he said, knowing that’s all Shane was going to be doing “how about I fuck you again before you leave” he smirked and crawled over him, knocking Shane onto his back again. Shane laughed and weakly pushed at his chest “I have to leave in like 10 minutes” Ilya gently bit his neck “bet I could make you cum in 4” ==== It was Friday afternoon, he had just pulled into a parking space behind Shane's apartment building. He quickly grabbed his bag, punched in the door code, and ran up the stairs. He wasn’t sure what he expected to see when he walked in, but this. This was not it. Shane was lying in the middle of the living room floor, the coffee table had been pushed to the side, he had headphones on, and a blanket resting over his eyes. What the fuck? he put his bags down near the entrance and slowly walked over, calling Shane’s name “baby. Shane. Are you okay?” He poked Shane’s thigh with his toe and Shane jumped, quickly