Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, David Hollander & Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander & Yuna Hollander, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Shane Hollander & Rose Landry, David Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, David Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Yuna Hollander, Hayden Pike, Rose Landry, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Kip Grady, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Carter Vaughn

Additional Tags:

Social Media, PR Campaign, Outing, Supportive David Hollander and Yuna Hollander, David Hollander loves his son to the point of compromising his data security, pov you make your famous son your password to everything and suddenly your iCloud data is released to the internet, Homophobia, Ableism, Racism, the siren call of organized labor movements made me write this, discussions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-14 Updated: 2026-09-09 Words: 79,355 Chapters: 8/?

snapping birch

Summary

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

uhhh so im on r/shanehollander rn and some guy is claiming to have cloned shane’s dad’s phone and uploaded it to the internet?? has anyone else clicked on this link will it give me a virus if i do

7:03 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 135.1k retweets | 232.1k likes

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

okay I googled his dad and he’s a 52 year old forensic accountant who thinks fashion peaked with ralph lauren polo shirts. am I enough of a hollander simp to risk my laptop just to look through the phone of his dad who acts like sandals and bermuda shorts are a risqué choice. yes.

7:04 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 137.1k retweets | 235.9k likes

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

oh my god his password for everything is ShaneHollander24. pov you love your son so much that it compromises your bank account

7:04 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 143.7k retweets | 250.7k likes

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

HOLY FUCK

7:19 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 337.1k retweets | 413.3k likes

Notes

TW: Discriminatory language/slurs, discussions of suicidal thoughts/suicide

Chapter 1: 01.12.18-01.13.18

The Shane Hollander Archives @hollanderarchive

[Video:  David Hollander stands on a frozen lake, slightly off-center, framed by the fading sun. Across from him stands Shane Hollander, age four, swaddled in a woolen scarf and a too-big Ottawa Centaurs jersey. Both of them are holding hockey sticks. 

Shane giggles as they tap their sticks against each other, then bang them against the ground. 

Faintly, David says, “And the puck drops--”

He drops a puck between them. Giggling harder, Shane snatches it with his stick and skates off. 

“Hollander wins the face off!” cries David. 

Shane skates clumsily towards two trash bins arranged as goal posts, pushing the puck before him. 

David trails at a distance. He narrates to the empty lake. “And it looks like Hollander’s trying to take it all the way. But can he do it? Five seconds on the buzzer.” 

Shane puffs and skates harder. 

“Four,” says David, dragging the word out. “Three, two…”

Shane draws up his stick and slams it against the puck. It sails cleanly between the two bins. 

“And the crowd goes wild!” David skates towards him in a wide loop, waving his arms in the air to the beat of an imaginary crowd. “He’s done it! Shane Hollander has won the Stanley Cup!” 

When he reaches Shane, he snatches him off the ice and swings him in a wide arc. Shane shrieks with laughter and kicks his legs. The video ends.] 

12:35 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 15.2k retweets | 19.2k likes

…

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

uhhh so im on r/shanehollander rn and some guy is claiming to have cloned shane’s dad’s phone and uploaded it to the internet?? has anyone else clicked on this link will it give me a virus if i do

7:03 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 135.1k retweets | 232.1k likes

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

okay I googled his dad and he’s a 52 year old forensic accountant who thinks fashion peaked with ralph lauren polo shirts. am I enough of a hollander simp to risk my laptop just to look through the phone of his dad who acts like sandals and bermuda shorts are a risqué choice. yes.

7:04 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 137.1k retweets | 235.9k likes

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

oh my god his password for everything is ShaneHollander24. pov you love your son so much that it compromises your bank account

7:04 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 143.7k retweets | 250.7k likes

Shandry's Third @shaneybaby

HOLY FUCK

7:19 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 337.1k retweets | 413.3k likes

TMZ Sports @TMZ_Sports 

BREAKING: Messages Leaked Implicating Montreal Metro’s Captain Shane Hollander--Is Rose Landry’s Ex Gay? 

[Video: Shane Hollander and Scott Hunter sit together at a makeshift press table, both slightly sweaty, with their hair stuck to their foreheads. From off camera, a member of the press says, “Hunter, this is your first game against the Metros since you publicly came out at last season’s playoffs. How does it feel to be facing off with Shane Hollander again?”

Scott’s face twitches. He leans in towards the outstretched microphone. “Right, uh. It feels great. I’m always happy to be back on the ice, and that’s especially true when I get to face off with a player as talented as Hollander.”

The same reporter says, “And how about you, Mr. Hollander?”

Shane blinks. He looks slightly off-put. “Sorry,” he says. “I don’t think I understand the question.”

“You haven’t played the New York Admirals since before the events of the last playoffs,” says the reporter. “Do you feel like you have anything to prove?”

“Well, I think everyone feels like they have something to prove when they’re going up against last season’s champions. They won the cup, and we’re definitely looking to take it back from them this year.” 

“Right, but beyond the Cup, do the events that followed the playoffs make this game feel any different from the other games you’ve played against Hunter?” 

Hunter’s jaw ticks. 

Hollander stares at the reporter for a long beat. Murmurs start to ripple through the scrum. 

“Scott Hunter is the same legendary player he was before last season’s playoffs,” he says, very evenly. The murmurs grow louder. “No, this game didn’t feel any different. Let’s get a question from someone else now.” He points to another reporter in the scrum. “Yeah, yo--”

The reporter speaks over him. “Hollander, we’re getting reports that just a few hours ago, someone claimed to have hacked a cellphone belonging to one of your family members and posted its contents online. Can you confirm these allegations?”

Hollander’s face flashes with dread before he recovers. He smiles uneasily. 

“You’ve got me at a disadvantage,” he says. “This is the first time I’m hearing anything about this.” 

The media pool grows louder with overlapping questions. Camera flashes start to flare throughout the pool. One reporter shouts, “Hollander, there are claims that this leak casts your own sexuality into question. Do you have a comment?” 

Hollander’s face goes blank. He waffles. His coach starts to walk in from the corner of the screen. “I--”

Hunter stands up abruptly. He grabs the microphone in front of Hollander and raises it to his own mouth. 

“You know what, I have a comment,” he says. He sounds furious. “It’s that we’re not doing this. This interview is over. You all can--”

Hollander roughly shoves away from the table and walks off. 

Hunter trips as he tries to follow. “Shi--Hollander--”

The media scrum immediately floods into the space between them, cutting Hunter off. He stares after Hollander helplessly. The video cuts to black, and the TMZ Sports logo fills the frame.]

10:47 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 1.9M retweets | 2.7M likes

…

hollandayum

 so i know trying to get people on this website to care about hockey is like trying to find a doctor on a spirit airlines flight but I NEED us to all understand the enormity of the shit that just hit the fan

So, you’ve probably been seeing the name Shane Hollander, oh, literally everywhere since last night. You may have even known his name already--for a while, he dated America’s (un)official princess Rose Landry, so you may remember him as her ex. 

He is also known for being the greatest hockey player currently alive. 

I am not exaggerating in the slightest. 

If there is a hockey record out there, he has broken it or gotten close to breaking it. He has scored more points than any other player in three out of the seven seasons since he’s been drafted. He won back-to-back Stanley Cups. He is an Olympic medalist. He holds the record for the fastest goal in NHL history--four seconds from game-open, beating out a record that’s been standing since fucking 1926. In 2015, he scored the second most points by any single player in an NHL game when he managed to get nine points (6 goals, 3 assists) in one game. And he probably would have broken the record if his teammates hadn’t fumbled assists in the first and third periods. The all-time record of 10 points was considered one of the most unbeatable records in hockey until Shane Hollander stepped onto the ice. Now, there’s a lot of people who are convinced he’s going to set a new record before he retires. Because he is Shane fucking Hollander. 

He is Hockey Jesus. That’s what I need people to understand. No one has ever been more blessed by the hockey gods than he. He sells more jerseys in one night than his teammates do in a month. He is the only Asian man currently in the NHL and he is still the best fucking player in the entire league. He was Cosmopolitan’s #1 Hottest Man in Hockey. He will very likely go down in history as one of the greatest hockey players of all time.

Last night, he played against the New York Admirals, which is now-famously captained by the first openly gay player in NHL history, Scott Hunter. Scott Hunter is a hockey legend in his own right. He used to hold a lot of the records that Shane Hollander beat. 

Within minutes of game start, someone uploaded a dropbox link to r/shanehollander. The poster claimed to have accessed Shane Hollander’s father’s iCloud account. The poster insisted that they weren’t a hacker but that they got access when they managed to guess the password. Which. Was ShaneHollander24. Aka his famous son’s name and jersey number. And, considering his email was david.hollander@gmail.com, it didn’t exactly take a criminal mastermind to crack his account. The poster cloned everything and published it while Hollander and his people were probably too distracted by the game to notice. Only a handful reporters realized that the leak 1) existed and 2) was legit in time for the post-game interview. Hollander himself obviously didn’t know what happened until someone asked him about it mid-interview. The link was taken down not long after, but by that point, there were dozens of copies floating around the internet. 

The 12 hours since then have been the absolute fucking craziest in NHL history. This is what we know so far:

• Shane Hollander is almost definitely gay. His dad had apparently suspected it for years and confirmed it a few months ago when he walked in on Shane with another man. 
• Shane Hollander is almost definitely in a serious, long-term relationship with another fucking NHL player. From what I’ve seen so far, Hollander’s dad is careful never to mention the guy by name. But from the context, everyone is pretty sure Hollander’s dating Ilya Rozanov, and if he is, then it’s the biggest scandal in NHL history. Because Ilya Rozanov is the second best player in the NHL 
• They are the most notorious rivals in the league, possibly ever. They’ve been competing with each other since they were rookies.  I thought they fucking hated each other until like four hours ago. Everyone thought they fucking hated each other until this. 
• These guys have been one-upping each other for their entire careers. At the 2011 All Stars Game, Rozanov beat the record Scott Hunter held for seven years at the shot accuracy competition. Rozanov held that record for, oh, three minutes or so, because Shane Hollander immediately got off the bench and beat his score by more than a second.
• Their entire career has been filed with moments like that. Remember how Hollander’s been the number one scorer in the league for three out of his seven seasons? Rozanov edged him out of the number one slot for the other four. Rozanov was the number one draft pick in their rookie season, but then Hollander got Rookie of the Year. Rozanov has scored the third most points in a game by a single player like, two or three times now because he’s made it his life’s mission to beat the record before Hollander does but he keeps getting stuck at 8 points. They have the biggest fucking rivalry in hockey, possibly ever. And it is becoming increasingly likely that they’ve been secretly dating since before their rookie season. 
• Shane Hollander’s father has been seriously concerned for his mental health since he was drafted. Like. I haven’t gone through everything myself yet (there’s so much guys), but he’d been making a LOT of searches about warning signs that someone’s suicidal. And I’ve seen some people talking about how shane had some medical records or something suggesting he was experiencing dangerously high stress levels and when his dad asked him about it Hollander brushed him off. I haven’t found those myself yet though
• Maybe you think he was stressed about competitions or something but honestly? I think it’s more likely he was afraid of being outed. Which. If that was the case that makes this all the more tragic because it looks like the nhl and the team he carried through two Stanley cups have absolutely fucking turned on him for being gay 
• Last night, a burner account uploaded a video to YouTube that looks like it was taken in the Metro’s locker room. It was deleted after five minutes but by then it had already been downloaded and reposted on every major social media platform and it was. Honestly it was kind of hard to watch. 
• After he left the post-game interview, Hollander had a full blown panic attack on the bathroom floor. It’s hard to make out everything he says in it, but at one point you definitely can hear him say he was planning to die in the closet. And like. He had one teammate who was acting even remotely sympathetic towards him. Hayden Pike’s down on the floor with him trying to calm him down but he’s the only one, and at one point, Pike almost throws hands with someone else on the team, though you can’t see who. Eventually, fucking Scott Hunter, the guy who isn’t even on their team, forces his way into the locker room and walks Hollander out. Someone photographed them + Pike getting into a car together, and no one’s seen any of them since.
• For like, the past six years or so, the Montreal Metros entire marketing strategy has been to push this narrative about how their players are basically brothers and that’s why they play so well together. Shane Hollander has been a groomsman in three of his teammate’s weddings. If they did turn on him when they found out he was gay, then the pr department has to basically take their entire strategy out back and shoot it like a horse with a broken leg
• There’s some very shady messages from Hayden Pike to Hollander’s parents + his mystery man suggesting that 1) Hollander privately came out to his team before this happened and 2) the metros did not take it well. The ones I saw suggested that Pike was legitimately terrified that Hollander was going to end up in the hospital this season because of it. And these allegations suddenly have a lot of credibility considering a member of the team secretly filmed Hollander having a breakdown and posted it online. He’s one of the greatest hockey players of all time and he is not fucking safe with his own team 
• Two hours ago, Roger Crowell ordered that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov—who are, again, the best players in the entire league—be indefinitely benched to determine if they breached their morality clause. Again, the only “scandal” that has touched them both is that they may have been in gay love for their entire careers. 
• It’s also important to note that Roger Crowell elected to not bench players from the Toronto team when they were caught on video calling people slurs last year because the nhl “did not have the jurisdiction to police players’ personal lives.” Except, you know, right now. When the two best players in the entire fucking league just may be gay. 
• Speaking of Roger Crowell, do you know who hates him? David Hollander the father of Shane Hollander the greatest hockey player of all time
• David Hollander was very active on social media for a 52 year old forensic accountant. He had multiple anonymous accounts. Most notably, he had two Reddit accounts—ProudHockeyDad and throwaway16232927263—that he was using to ask for parenting advice about how to help his athlete son who he suspected was gay feel comfortable enough to come out. After he walked in on Hollander with his boyfriend(?), he pivoted to anonymous Twitter account @ProudHockeyDad24 that he’s been using to shit talk the commissioner of the nhl for being a raging homophobe

There’s a bunch of other stuff that came out with this that normally would be headline news that’s kind of fallen to the wayside because of how insane the rest of it is. Like. Shane Hollander is a notoriously private person (I wonder why) but his dad had apparently digitized every single home movie or photo he has ever taken and backed it up to his iCloud so we are suddenly drowning in baby photos of the guy I used to seriously doubt had ever been a child. 

Tldr: homophobia is about to erase two historical talents from the nhl and I need us all to fucking riot about this. We need to make noise and we need to make a lot of it because there are two hockey boyfriends out there that need us. If this can happen to the two best hockey players alive then no queer kid is ever going to be safe in a locker room again so it’s time to lock the fuck in for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov

26,987 Notes

#shane Hollander #ilya Rozanov #hollanov #dadgate #girls gays theys we ride at fucking dawn

…

Montreal Metros Captain Shane Hollander and Boston Raiders Captain Ilya Rozanov Called In For Private Meeting with NHL Commissioner

13 Jan 2018 • 10:17 A.M. EST

Last night, scandal rocked the hockey world when leaked messages indicated that rival NHL stars Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov have been carrying on an illicit affair right under the nose of National Hockey League officials and their own teammates. While the NHL has yet to release an official statement, insiders report that NHL Commissioner, Roger Crowell, called the two players implicated in the scandal into an emergency meeting in the early hours of this morning. 

“If this is true, it seriously calls into question the legitimacy of every game Rozanov and Hollander have played against each other,” said one member of Crowell’s staff, who asked to remain anonymous. “Did they throw games for each other? Can they even be trusted to compete in future games? They hid a serious conflict of interest from their teammates, the public, and the League. It’s shameful behavior, particularly coming from these two men. Their careers were built off of the support of their teams and the League, and they’ve disrespected both. It’s a wonder if anyone will be able to trust them as players again.” 

Reports indicate that the meeting went poorly and that shouting was heard from the room. And at 9:39 A.M. EST, the NHL announced that both players would be indefinitely benched pending an official investigation. Representatives for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov did not respond to requests for a comment. 

More like this:

Ilya Rozanov, Captain of the Boston Raiders, Spotted at Boston Logan International Airport After Hollander Cellphone Leak

First Openly Gay NHL Player Scott Hunter Calls Hollander Leak A “Disgusting Invasion of Privacy,” Condemns NHL’s Response

Insiders Report that Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander Placed On Suicide Watch Following Public Outing

…

Shane Hollander

7 Oct 2010, 08:16

[Image:  Three-year-old Shane Hollander stands on an ice rink holding a hockey stick. He is grinning wildly, showing off a missing front tooth.]

Feels like it was just yesterday that you were still learning to skate. Can’t believe you’re about to play your first game in the nhl. Your mom and I are so proud of you. If you get nervous during the game, just look to the stands. Your two biggest fans are gonna be there cheering you on. 

Thanks dad. See you at the game. Love you.

…

r/parentingadvice

ProudHockeyDad | 11y

I (41M) think my son (16M) may be gay. How can I help him feel comfortable enough to confide in me?

Dear internet,

I’ve never done anything like this before, but one of the boys at work said they got some good advice here, and I’m willing to try just about anything. 

I've got the best, most talented son in the world. He makes his mom and I proud every single day. Thing is, I think he might be gay. 

It doesn’t change anything for us. His mom and I just want him to be happy, and we don’t care about what goes into that. But I’m worried that he thinks we’ll be upset and that maybe he’s afraid to tell us because of that. 

My son’s a top athlete. His mom and I were both athletes too—we both competed in the same sport he does—and I know how locker room talk can be. I didn’t think about it much back in the day, but now whenever I look back, I’m ashamed. 

I’m worried my son is hearing the same stupid jokes when he’s in the locker room. I’m worried that it’ll make him think there’s something wrong with him if he is gay. I don’t know how to convince him to tell me if something’s bothering him. 

I’m especially worried because I know he’s been bullied in the past and didn’t tell us. For context, my son’s a touch autistic. He was diagnosed when he was eight, and he ended up telling his best friend at the time that he couldn’t come to practice because he had the doctor’s appointment. His friend ended up telling the rest of the team, and his coach later told me that his teammates, well. I’m not gonna repeat what they said to him. We had to pull him from the team altogether. Over the years, I’ve also overheard a few comments here and there that made me worry that people were bullying him for his race (he’s part-Japanese on my wife’s side), but every time I’ve asked him about it, he insists nothing’s wrong. I don’t think he’s telling me the truth. 

I’ve never been all that good at talking about that feelings stuff and I think it’s rubbed off on him. I just want him to know that it’s okay if he’s gay and that I’ll still love him. How can I fix this?

[Archived post. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast.] 

This comment was removed for violating community guidelines.

 

[deleted] | 11y

Like it or not, it’s not okay if your son’s gay. 

This isn’t about being gay or straight. It’s about boundaries. You say you’re worried about what other kids are saying to him in the locker room, but what about what he’s doing to them? If he’s gay, he shouldn’t be in a guy’s locker room, end of story. Those are for straight guys only. And to be in there without warning any of his teammates is gross and wrong. 

You need to sit your son down, find out if he’s gay, and if he is, you need to explain to him that he’s been seriously violating his teammates and pull him from all sports teams immediately. This is not okay behavior. 

 

parttimealligator73 | 11y

your kid is autistic asian and a homo??? jfc kid pick a struggle 

 

This comment was removed for violating community guidelines.

 

[deleted] | 11y

This thread is filled with fucking idiots. Look, just sit him down and tell him you love him no matter what. The fact that you’re worried about how to do it right shows your heart is in the right place. Your son will be able to tell you care. I’m rooting for you hockey papa!!

 

seahawksalltheway7262 | 11y

Look, if your son’s a top athlete, then he’s probably not gay. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. He’s probably just too focused on hockey to think about girls right now. Give it a few years and that’ll change. Just enjoy the peace while you still have it 

…

YouTube

Shane Hollander Locker Room Meltdown
darksideofthepass • 1.1M views • 17 hours ago

[Video: Shaky footage reveals the interior of the Montreal Metros locker room. The camera frame is low, as if the person filming  is trying to keep the phone out of sight. 

Shane Hollander stands off-center in the corner of the locker room, visibly distressed. He doesn’t appear to notice the camera. He holds one palm braced against the pulse point of his neck. At his side stands Hayden Pike, who is staring down at his own phone and typing furiously. 

“Fuck, Hayd, how bad is it?” demands Hollander. “How much did they get?” 

“I—“ Pike looks up at Hollander. His face is grim. “Look, we’ll get through this—“

Hollander doubles over. “Oh God.” 

In the background, a phone rings repeatedly. Jason Taylor steps into the frame, holding a phone. 

“Uh, Hollander?” he says. “‘Lily’ keeps calling you. Which“—he sounds pained—“now realizing that it’s not actually a Lily.” 

Hollander clamps his hand over his mouth like he’ll throw up. He has to catch himself on the edge of the bench. “Oh God.” 

Hollander staggers out of the frame. The camera follows him in time to see him stumble into a bathroom area. Retching sounds immediately follow. 

Pike shakes his head. “Fuck.” 

He rips the phone from Taylor’s hand and stalks after Hollander. Only their legs can be seen from beneath a partition wall. They appear to be sitting together on the ground. Pike can be heard coaching Hollander to breathe. Hollander’s reply is too muffled to make out. 

The phone picks up only a few words between them. Hollander can be heard saying the words “never go home” and “lose everything.” Pike says something inaudible. Louder and slightly hysterical, Hollander snaps, “There is no fucking plan, Hayden. Dying in the fucking closet was my plan. I don’t—I can’t—“

Patrice Drapieu walks into frame. He stops at the locker room entrance. He rubs his forehead, with the back of his hand, exasperated. “Okay, let’s not get… emotional here.” 

Pike’s reply is sharp and immediate. “Hey, you want to shut the fuck up?” 

From off-camera, someone who sounds like Gilbert Cormeau shouts something. The audio is a distorted by background noise, but it sounds like, “Jesus, Hollander, you didn’t really think you could lie to everyone forever, did you?”

“You can either shut the fuck up or I will come over there and shut you up.” Pike sounds pissed. “Fucking pick now because if I come over there I am putting you in the fucking hospital.” 

In the background, a door opens. Muffled shouting grows abruptly louder before the door closes again. 

Out of frame, Scott Hunter shouts, “I’m coming in.” 

“Wha—” Cormeau sounds fed up. “Look, it’s bad enough that we have one—”

Hunter steps into view. His back is to the camera. He stops just short of the bathroom entrance and turns to look at someone off-screen. “You know what, finish the sentence. Go ahead. See how fast I beat the shit out of you.”

At the same time, Pike shouts, “Don’t flatter yourself, Cormeau. Even your mom thinks you look like a raccoon’s asshole.” 

Hunter stomps into the bathroom. A few seconds pass. The phone picks up voices, but they’re too low to be intelligible. 

Hollander emerges from the bathroom stall, pale and shaky. Hunter and Pike bracket him on either side. Hunter grips his shoulder with one hand. With the other, he has Hollander’s phone raised to his ear. 

His jaw is tightly set and ticks as he speaks. “I know. I kno—just. Get on a plane! I’ll text you. Yes. I’ll—“ He shakes his head, frustrated, and hangs up. Brusk, he says, “Pike, get his shit.” 

The three of them stop almost directly in front of the camera. It shakes wildly as the filmer moves to hide it. Half of the lens is suddenly covered by a bunched up towel. The uncovered half is pointed at Hollander. He still does not notice the camera.

Hollander sits down hard on the bench. He struggles to inhale. Behind him, Pike starts shoving a locker’s contents in a bag. 

Hunter crouches down so their faces are level. “Kip’s got a car pulled up to a side entrance,” he tells him, low and even. “We just have to get through the mob outside the locker rooms, and we’re home free.” 

Hollander shakes his head. “I can’t.”

Hunters reply is immediate. “Yes you can."

Hollander’s voice sounds thin. “It’s not going to be like it was for you, it—I’m—we’re—fuck, you know—“

“I know,” says Hunter. He hesitates a beat. “Look, Hollander, I swear to God, I didn’t—”

“I know that.” Hollander gulps another ragged breath. “You don’t have to say it. So don’t.”

“Okay. Good.” Hunter nods shakily. Pike slings a now-full duffle over his shoulder and nods as well.  “Take a breath and get up. We’re going to walk out of here like nothing's wrong.”

Hollander shakes his head again. “Hunter—“

“Like nothing is wrong.” His voice is firm. “You are Shane fucking Hollander. No one is taking that from you tonight. Let’s go.” 

Hollander’s jaw sets. He nods, then cleans his face. He stands up and heads towards the locker room exit with Hunter and Pike on either side. 

Before he leaves, the camera barely catches Hollander saying, “How did he sound?”

The video goes black.]

…

Shane Hollander

11 Nov 2008, 19:13

At the store. Need anything?

Fruit

And ginger ale

Thanks dad 

What kind of fruit 

Anything’s fine. Just nothing with too much sugar. 

Maybe grapefruit?

Thanks

K.

…

NHL @NHL

The NHL remains committed to maintaining a culture of inclusivity, transparency, and above all, integrity. Last night, the NHL received reports of undisclosed personal conflicts between two of its players, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, that call into question the legitimacy of their games as played. The NHL has launched a full investigation into whether either player has ever rigged, thrown, or otherwise interfered with the results of a match. In accordance with established policy, the players in question have been benched until the investigation concludes. The NHL urges the public to not engage in speculation to permit a full and fair inquiry. 

9:39 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 523k retweets | 698.1k likes

Scott Hunter @scotthunterofficial

I was the first draft pick of my rookie season. Once upon a time, I said it was the proudest day of my life. 

Four months ago, I stood before the world with my partner and soulmate as a NHL player who, for the first time in his life, dared to love where other people could see him. And once again, I said it was the proudest day of my life. 

I am not proud today. Today, I am ashamed to be a member of the NHL. 

Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are the two most talented hockey players I have ever met. They are hardworking. They are skilled. They are, above all, competitive to the point of absurdity. And there is not a single person in the NHL who can honestly claim otherwise. 

Discrimination has no place on the ice, but it’s there. And it will stay there for as long as we let it. Hockey will not be safe for any of us until it is safe for all of us. And until the ice is safe for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, I will not be on it. 

My heart goes out to Ilya Rozanov and the entire Hollander family as they grapple with this disgusting invasion of their privacy. 

9:41 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 756k retweets | 956.9k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

[Image: A younger Hayden Pike and Shane Hollander stand side-by-side in a crowded conference hall, beaming. They are each holding a Montreal Metros jersey with their name emblazoned on the back.]

I met Shane Hollander on the first day of rookie orientation during an ice breaking mixer. I asked him to hold my soda for me while I ran to the head. On my way back, I got distracted and forgot all about it. I found Shane five hours later, after three seminars and a lunch break. He was still holding my drink.  That night, my parents asked me if I’d made any friends. I told them I’d found a brother.  

Shane Hollander is the best friend, hockey player, captain, and man you will ever meet. I am saddened and appalled by the shameful actions taken against him today. I will not return to the ice until my brother is welcome on it. 

10:40 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 117.2k retweets | 232.1k likes

Rose Landry @rose_landry

[Image 1: A seven-year-old Rose Landry sits in the front row of a hockey game with three young boys. They are all wearing Detroit Red Hawks jerseys. Rose’s hair is in messy pigtails. Her grin shows off a missing front tooth.]

[Image 2: Rose Landry sits rink-side at a Montreal Metros game. She is sitting with her back to the camera, her face captured in profile. She is wearing Shane Hollander’s jersey.]

[Image 3: Rose Landry holds a hockey stick in the middle of a hockey rink, smiling for the camera. At her side stands Shane Hollander, also holding a hockey stick. They appear to have been playing together.]

[Image 4: A screenshot of a public statement, typed on official letterhead. It reads: 

Growing up in Michigan, hockey felt more like a way of life than a sport. My brothers and I never missed a game. Life’s gotten a lot more busy then, but I’ve always made time to watch my favorite teams play.  

I won’t be watching hockey for the rest of this season. Today, the NHL took a step backwards in history.  

I have not and will not comment on the rumors about Shane Hollander’s sexual orientation. Shane and his family have suffered a horrifying violation of their privacy due to inexcusable and criminal acts, and the ongoing speculation only violates them further. The media’s reaction has been unconscionable. It saw a crime scene and set up a circus tent. 

Please, for the sake of Shane and his family, do not share, reproduce, or engage with the stolen data. Please give them back the privacy and dignity that this criminal has tried to take from them. 

I will say with absolute conviction that Shane Hollander’s integrity both on the ice and off it is without equal. Anyone who has watched him compete knows that he plays each game with unmatched talent and a terrifying dedication. And anyone who knows him as a person knows that there is no one who works harder for his team. While I haven’t been lucky enough to meet Ilya Rozanov personally, it is evident from watching him on the ice that he has never played a game that he wasn’t trying to win. The NHL does not believe that either of these men have violated any professional or ethical standard. Instead, its officials seek to further a discriminatory agenda by hiding behind baseless and fabricated accusations. 

In its history, the NHL has seen siblings, cousins, and friends share the same ice. Never once has it accused players of rigging a game based solely on an alleged relationship. Its actions are spiteful, retaliatory, and designed to keep members of the LGBTQ+ community out of hockey. Until everyone is welcome on the ice, I will be boycotting all upcoming NHL events.]

Hockey is for everyone. 

11:37 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 973.1k retweets | 1.3M likes

The Boston Raiders @BostonRaidersOfficial

The Boston Raiders regrets to inform its fans that its captain @ilyarozanov81 will not be joining the Raiders on the ice tonight per the directive of the Commissioner’s Office. The game will be held as scheduled at 7:00 PM EST with the remainder of the team. The team looks forward to welcoming its captain back after the Commissioner’s Office concludes its inquiry. Please see the NHL official site for more details. 

11:59 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 321.3k retweets | 423.1k likes

Montreal Metros @theMontrealMetros

Since 1917, the Montreal Metros has had the privilege and the honor of being a member of the NHL. That privilege comes with duties and responsibilities that we owe to the members of our team, the League, and our fans. 

Every player on the ice has the duty to conduct himself with integrity during a game. And when that integrity is questioned, we trust the League to conduct a fair, impartial, and thorough investigation that is free from bias or discriminatory intent. 

The Metros is aware of and saddened by the accusations against its captain @officialshanehollander. We trust that he will be cleared following a formal inquiry and are excited to welcome him back when that day comes. Until then, we’ll see you on the ice as usual.  

9:42 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 619.1k retweets | 701.3k likes

…

From: david.hollander@gmail.com

Sent: Thursday, March 3, 2011 15:34

To: david.hollander@gmail.com

Subject: HW #1 

Dear Shane, 

This is just about the silliest thing your mother’s ever made me do. 

Love, 

Dad

… 

Shane + Yuna

03 Aug 2017, 14:23

Yuna

Shane 

Shane would you answer the phone

You can’t just hang up every time you don’t want to talk about something 

Shane

There’s nothing to talk about 

?

At work. 

Everything okay?

Shane

Yeah dad

Mom just thinks that dragging you into it will get me to pick up again 

Whoa boy 

Sure doesn’t sound like all’s quiet on the western front

Yuna

Dave please 

I just think that maybe Shane could come home this weekend and we could all talk 

About making a plan

Oh honey

Shane

I will leave the country mom

Honey you know how he feels about that

Yuna 

I know he doesn’t want to come out!

But I’m not saying we paint a rainbow on his helmet 

I just think we need a plan if circumstances change

I want to have something prepared if we need it. If he changes his mind or if, god forbid, something got out before he was ready. Just. A tasteful statement.  So that way it’ll be ready and tested if we need it 

Shane

Tested??

Who would we be testing it with exactly???

Mom we are not under any circumstances floating my sexuality past a focus group

Yuna

There’s ways to arrange for blind testing! No identifying information would be revealed

Also I really think we should give brand partners a heads up so they don’t feel blindsided if something happens 

Shane

Mom I didn’t tell you for 26 years 

Do you honestly think I’m ready to tell Rolex 

Yuna

Shane

Shane

NO

No statement

No TESTING

Absolutely no brand partners

Yuna 

Scott Hunter had a very successful coming out 

Shane 

Scott Hunter hasn’t had an interview question open with anything other than “as a gay man” in two months.  

And he’s white 

and he’s dating a barista art student

Delete that.  

And that.

Delete all of that actually 

Wait, which part?

I deleted the two you said. Which parts of the rest?

I lost my cheat sheet

Shane

Your what

Dad

Did you print out a cheat sheet

It’s somewhere at the house I swear

Just didn’t want to miss a rule. There were a lot to remember

Shane

Dad 

Oh my god

Okay

Dad if someone finds a cheat sheet about the types of texts you should delete 

People will know you’re deleting texts. And what they’re about. Because the topics. Are on the cheat sheet. 

Dad you were supposed to delete any messages talking about deleting messages why would you ever get a cheat sheet 

I was?

Shane

I can’t breathe

I’ll go back through everything and delete them

I swear

Soon as I find the cheat sheet

Shane 

Okay 

Okay

Thank you 

New rule 

It’ll make it so much easier I swear 

Just delete every message I have ever sent you in my entire life

And every message you have ever sent to me or talking about me or acknowledging I exist  

It’s so easy we can all remember that. No one needs a cheat sheet even

:(

Yuna

This all seems excessive

Shane

It isn’t!

It really isn’t!

And it worries me that you don’t see that it isn’t!

Yuna

Shane, it’s 2017. I know you’re afraid but IF you decided to come out publicly I think people will be really happy for you. 

I’m not saying you have to! 

Baby I just don’t want you to have to spend your life deleting messages and looking over your shoulder 

I’m not saying come out now!!

I just think this will all be less scary if we had a plan in place. Just so that if anything changes, you know that we’re ready to handle it  

I’m not saying we change the plan!!!

Just that we should have a few backup plans

Shane

I’m not going to ask megacorps to sponsor my homosexuality

Yuna

I didn’t say that 

Shane

Who comes out via brand deal mom that’s insane  

Yuna

I didn’t say that!!

Shane

What would that even look like 

Shane Hollander is a faggot. By skittles 

Now hold on there 

Shane

You’re allowed to say it if you are one  

Kiddo cmon

Shane

It’s not going to be me saying that if people find out 

It’s gonna be every person I’ve ever worked with

It’s gonna be the NHL when they blacklist me forever

Oh and it’s gonna be the headline on espn 

Have you talked to Scott Hunter about this?

oh jesus 

I just think maybe you three can all get together and chat

he’d understand a lot of what you’re feeling

Dad I promise you there is no secret gay nhl group chat  

And I’m not going to start one 

Because, again, there should be no digital or physical record of any of this 

Mom would you stop calling me

I can’t 

I’m not answering 

Yuna

Baby please I’m not gonna ask you about it anymore 

I just want to know you’re alright 

Our Boy

03 Aug 2017, 14:47

Hey son

Dave what is wrong 

Shane’s mom and I have been a couple of knuckleheads

I think we freaked him out. 

When you get a chance, could you check in on him?   

Calling now Dave 

Yuna Hollander

03 Aug 2017, 14:49

[Image: A screenshot of an Amazon cart. It has a book titled Parenting your LGBTQ+ Teen added to it.]

Do you think it’s too late for this?

Did that sound sarcastic? I didn’t mean it sarcastically 

I feel like I keep doing this wrong

It’s going to be okay hon

No Dave it isn’t 

I’m gonna mess this up and he’s going to stop talking to us for another 26 years 

I think right now we just hold off on any plans for if it comes out

I know you think we need a plan for everything 

We need a plan for everything 

You

Ugh

This is the only way I know how to protect him

I know

If anything happens I can soften the blow 

I just need to get ahead of it 

I know that’s what you want to do

Shane doesn’t want that right now 

Shane wants to spend the next twenty years deleting every single message even implying the existence of the person he’s been in love with for a decade 

He wants to never take any photos 

He wants to get married in a secret ceremony with no guests and he can never wear the ring after 

 Slow your roll

Are they talking marriage already?

Dave, there is no “already”

They’ve been together for almost ten years 

It only seems fast to us because we missed all of it!! 

So yes I gotta practice my firm handshake glare for when I’m giving Shaney away 

Or no you’re being hypothetical 

Do we give him away at the wedding 

Or is that homophobic like is that making him the bride 

Do you think it’s in the book 

I think maybe we ask him what he wants and do that

And maybe that means giving him away at his secret wedding

Maybe it doesn’t

But right now I think it means we don't tell Rolex 

I don’t want him to have a secret wedding, Dave. I just don’t 

I want him to get to invite his friends 

I want him to take cheesy photos that we can hang on our mantle and show people when they ask us about our son

Dave I don’t want our baby to have to be happy in secret 

We missed our son being happy for ten years because he was too afraid to tell us 

And now we’re gonna miss the rest of it because I’m gonna mess it all up again

I’m buying the book. Don’t tell Shane  

The teen version?

They don’t make a version for when your son is the adult celebrity captain of an NHL team!!

Honestly maybe they should 

Might be a market for it 

Sorta tripping over fellas that qualify nowadays

Dave that is not helpful 

Shane + Yuna

03 Aug 2017, 16:53

Shane

You guys cannot tell my boyfriend on me every time I don’t want to talk.

That’s not going to be a thing we do 

Sorry that was on me

Yuna

Sorry hon I thought it’d help

Shane

Oh my god

Our Boy

03 Aug 2017, 16:54

Shane is going to talk to you and Yuna Dave 

He is very nervous 

Do not tell him I told you this 

Thanks son

Shane + Yuna

03 Aug 2017, 16:54

Shane 

Okay

I’m gonna say something. And I need it to be the last time we talk about this. We can never bring it up again. We can never talk about this in person. This is the first, last, and only time I will ever say this

Please 

Yuna

Honey can I please call you 

Please

Shane

No

I can’t say this out loud 

Let me say it here and then we never ever talk about it again. 

Okay. Fuck

Hockey is the only thing I know how to do

We know how important it is to you Shane we’re not trying to ignore that 

Shane

Dad, no. It’s more than that

It is the only thing I know how to do

It is the only place where everything makes sense to me

If I can’t play hockey then I don’t even know what’s left for me

I don’t know how to live without it. I just don’t.   

They’re not going to let me keep playing if this comes out. And I don’t want to hear how it worked out for Scott Hunter. It’s not going to go like that for me  

I don’t know how to live without him either. I don’t. I tried to and I can’t. 

The plan we have is the only plan that lets me keep hockey and him so it is the plan that we’re sticking to.

There is no backup plan for if this comes out.

Because it will kill me if this comes out

I’m not going to be in a pride campaign

I’m going to be dead

…

Page Six @PageSix

BREAKING: Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander Hospitalized for Suicide Attempt Following Public Outing. Current Condition Unknown. Full Article…

11:57 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 233.1k retweets | 335.2k likes

hockey is life @hockey_talks

Dude you are so irrelevant that i had to look up if you were even on the team. I think they’ll be fine without you

11:23 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 19.7k retweets | 23.2k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

[Image: A younger Hayden Pike and Shane Hollander stand side-by-side in a crowded conference hall, beaming. They are each holding a Montreal Metros jersey with their name emblazoned on the back.]

I met Shane Hollander on the first day of rookie orientation during an ice breaking mixer. I asked him to hold my soda for me while I ran to the head. On my way back, I got distracted and forgot all about it. I found Shane five hours later, after three seminars and a lunch break. He was still holding my drink.  That night, my parents asked me if I’d made any friends. I told them I’d found a brother.  

Shane Hollander is the best friend, hockey player, captain, and man you will ever meet. I am saddened and appalled by the shameful actions taken against him today. I will not return to the ice until my brother is welcome on it. 

10:40 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 117.2k retweets | 232.1k likes

Bradley Johnson @bradj23

I’m sorry but @scotthunterofficial’s response to this Hollander/Rozanov thing is completely overblown. They’re not benched because they’re gay theyre benched because they had a serious personal conflict they hid and were probably throwing games for each other. Being gay does not mean you get a pass from the same rules as everyone else

10:13 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 53.1k retweets | 62.1k likes

pucks for f***s @pucks4fs

so hockey’s just ruined forever now huh. god can we not get through a fucking season without gay shit taking the whole thing over

11:23 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 111 retweets | 312 likes

carter beachum is tired @c_beach

and if you look to your left you’ll catch a glimpse of what locals call a dead man walking

2:37 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 119.1k retweets | 152.9k likes

sleet skaddoo @account32113

Shane Hollander dating Rose Landry continues to be one of the worst things to happen to hockey. First you couldn’t go to a metros game anymore without her mob of psychopathic fans being there and now she’s trying to cancel the sport all together. can you go back to mediocre acting or sucking gay dick it’s all your good at 

1:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.3k retweets | 1.4k likes

porcupines do not exist @jyazmine

wait so they’re just being investigated? jfc the way hunter was reacting, I thought the nhl had executed them in the town square. Everyone chill out if they didn’t do anything wrong they don’t have anything to worry about 

11:23 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 153 retweets | 312 likes

entire jar of wasps @justjane

@scotthunterofficial @therealhaydenpike @rose_landry @NHL 

Are any of you going to address the claims that Shane Hollander is fucking dead??? Hello??????

12:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 76 retweets | 98 likes

rose landry’s left elbow @rocketmath13

girl hollander’s parents were learning russian for this guy and sending him pictures of them wearing boston raiders jerseys and wishing him luck at his game who the fuck do you think it was  

12:32 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 17.5k retweets | 19k likes

Mrs. Ilya Rozanova @rozanovswife

Guys we do NOT know that hollander’s secret boyfriend is Ilya yet. He has NOT confirmed and no one ever says it’s him in the leaked files. It is honestly super irresponsible to spread misinformation like this Ilya is RUSSIAN and it could be really dangerous for him

11:23 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 153 retweets | 312 likes

Andrew Kennedy @a_drewk76

uhhhh I’m in the bathroom at ottawa international and I think someone is in the stall next to me having a panic attack?? does anyone speak russian

1:07 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 3 retweets | 7 likes

the rivalry is dead I guess @rivalryneverdies

I’m sorry but does anyone else feel kind of lied to over  this Hollander/rozanov thing? I’m not saying they had to come out but they didn’t have to spend like 8 years faking a rivalry to sell merch…

12:32 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 32.5k retweets | 17.9k likes

bicurious mario party @januaryspeaks

not reeboks sponsoring almost every single person involved in the biggest scandal in hockey history IM CRYING u know every single person in that company just canceled their vacation plans 

2:42 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 2.5k retweets | 7.9k likes

Reeboks @Reeboks

Reeboks is aware of the NHL’s investigation into its brand partner Shane Hollander. It is also aware of the claims of discrimination levied by New York Admirals’ captain and fellow Reeboks’ brand partner, Scott Hunter. 

As a longtime sponsor of the NHL and proud supporter of the LGBTQ+ community, Reeboks takes the claims being made very seriously. It has made contact with all relevant parties so that it may conduct a thorough inquiry. Please be assured that this matter has been elevated to the highest level and is under active review.

1:57 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 233.1k retweets | 335.2k likes

pancake parade @rosieposie23

okay who had “Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov sex scandal” on their bingo card

8:32 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 507 retweets | 932 likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

lmfao as if Rozy could pull Hollander 

11:16 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 92.3k retweets | 101.3k likes

Victor St-Simon @thehockeysaint

CLIFF WOULD YOU CHECK THE FUCKING GROUPCHAT

11:19 A.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 107.2k retweets | 120.1k likes

…

From: david.hollander@gmail.com

Sent: Saturday, March 5, 2011 10:13

To: david.hollander@gmail.com

Subject: HW #2 

Dear Shane, 

Your mom says the last try wasn’t good enough. I thought I did just fine, but you know how your mother can be. 

Had a bit of a scare the other day. Didn’t call you. Asked your mom not to tell you it happened. I know how busy you are with everything, and I don’t want to add to that. Your mom agreed not to tell you on the condition of, well. This. 

I was out to lunch with some of the boys from work and ended up with some chest pains. Felt like I couldn’t breathe all that well. Had to sit down right in the middle of a BeaverTails’ parking lot, if you can believe it. Tim, you know Tim, well, he ended up calling an ambulance because he thought I was having a heart attack. 

I wasn’t, so don’t worry. But I know you’ll worry anyway, because you got that part of you from me. That’s why I don’t want your mother to tell you. Nothing really happened. 

Doctors thought it was stress-induced. Really. Made me feel like a fool, to be honest. Forty-six years old feels like it’s too old to be starting up panic attacks.

You know how it goes with your mom. She could convince the pope to part with his hat. I said don’t call you, and she said therapy, and I said no, and now I’m in therapy. She promised not to tell you that bit either. It’s not something you need to worry about. 

Therapist gal asked me if I’ve been worried about something lately. I guess I have been, but I don’t think it’s something to cause all this fuss. Every dad worries about their kids. It’s part of the job. 

My therapist wants me to write letters to you as practice. She thinks it’ll be easier for me to talk to you if I plan out what I want to say in advance. I still think this is stupid, but I don’t have nine degrees framed on my wall, so your mother wants me to listen to her. Now I’ve got homework. 

So. Here’s the first one. Been worried. Made it a little hard to breathe. Everything’s fine here. Just hope you’re getting enough sleep at night. Hope you can make the drive up one of these days. 

Love, 

Dad

…

dinosaurbirthday reblogged popcornaddictionkills

kardashiansthirdcousin

hockey is so much gayer than I thought 

kardashiansthirdcousin

HOCKEY IS SO MUCH GAYER THAN I THOUGHT

50,128 Notes

#hollanov #skip #shane hollander #ilya rozanov #scott hunter #kip grady #hollanov dropping the season after skip pulled off the kiss of the century is like the second plane hitting #its gay hockey 9/11 out here #fuck brb gotta go become a hockey fan #gay watergate

mariostits reblogged bagelbot

montrealgayclub

im sorry are you saying that I have a shot with Shane fucking Hollander  

montrealgayclub

im sorry are you saying that I don’t have a shot with Shane fucking Hollander because ILYA ROZANOV got there first????

chuckecheesestripclubversion

you never had a shot with Shane Hollander be fr

13,097 Notes

#hollanov #gay watergate #i don’t know who any of these people are but fuck am I sat 

shanehollandersbareass reblogged ilyarozanovsnakedtits

ilyarozanovsnakedtits

people who are just now enlisting for the Hollanov Wars do not understand the nuremberg levels of fucked up trench warfare that hollander and rozanov stans on this hellsite have been inflicting on each other for years. like we are speedrunning alliances the likes of which usually require several decades and direct military intervention to forge. I just saw two blogs that have doxxed each other 11 times and counting come together to try to crack roger crowells home address so they could set his fucking house on fire. This is the tumblr equivalent of the Berlin Wall coming down like legitimately what the fuck just happened 

ilyarozanovsnakedtits

what being a rozanov/hollander fan blog is like right now

[Image: An edited screencap of Legolas and Gimli from Lord of the Rings. Gimli’s line has been edited to read, “I never thought I’d die fighting side with a Hollander simp.” Legolas's reply has been poorly edited to read, “What about WHEN HOLLANOVS FUCKING IN REAL LIFE.”]

32,999 Notes

#hollanov #TUMBLR USER ILYAROZANOVSNAKEDTITS I STAND WITH YOU #(sorry about all that shit I said about your mom like fr it wasn’t cool of me) #HOLLANDER GIRLIES GRAB YOUR PARACHUTE AND YOUR ROZANOV STAN AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE PLANE #ITS GO TIME MOVE MOVE MOVE #SHAYDEN SHIPPERS WE NEED YOU TO PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER OKAY THE BOYS STILL NEED YOU IN THIS WAR #EVEN THE SHANDRYS YES YOU TOO #SHE WAS HIS BEARD THE WHOLE TIME #THATS LIKE THE GAY EQUIVALENT OF THE CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR #EVERYONE IS INVITED TO MY HOUSE FOR THE HOLLANOV WEDDING #FUCKING LOVE FINALLY WON SHIT FUCK ITS WHAT WEVE BEEN PRACTICING FOR #WE GET OUR BOYS THROUGH THIS AND WE GET THE GAY HOCKEY VERSION OF THE ROYAL WEDDING #I DONT CARE WHAT KIND OF BLOG YOU ARE THE HOLLANOV WARS NEED YOU #SHANE GIRLIES DO NOT LET ME CATCH YOU SLACKING OKAY I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING BUT OUR MAN IS FINE #I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF HOLLANOV #VERY SUDDENLY IF IM BEING HONEST #fr tho can someone check on that one person who was shipping hollanov this whole time and fighting off attacks from both sides #they must be so concussed from getting their head fucking caved in by apollos dodgeball 

nhlbesthits reblogged metrosfansunited

metrosfansunited

I’m sorry but this entire drama with shane hollander leak thing is exactly what gives gay people a bad name. and before you come for me, I’m 1) gay and 2) an actual hockey fan

Hollander and Rozanov are not getting punished for being gay. They are getting punished because they didn’t disclose their personal conflicts like every other player in the nhl. 

They were key players in what have been some of the biggest hockey games of this century. They were playing against each other in some of the biggest hockey games of this century. Do you have any idea how much sports betting goes on every single time they competed?? Literal millions changes hands each time the metros and the raiders face off. Because rozanov and Hollander played up some big rivalry that was fake the entire time. If they were throwing games for each other, that’s not “uwu boyfriend behavior.” That’s a federal indictment. That’s the nhl getting fucking sued. 

If they’d disclosed their relationship like they were supposed to, the nhl could have put protections in place in advance to ensure that the legitimacy of the games were protected. They didn’t. Now the NHL has to scramble on the backend to cover everyone’s ass. 

This investigation is a good thing. Someone is going to start asking questions now that the world knows Hollander and rozanov were fucking. Too much money is involved for them not to. Investigating them now gets ahead of the problem that Hollander and rozanov caused. And if they didn’t do anything wrong, then there’s nothing to be afraid of. And honestly? The immediate retaliation makes me think that they are covering something up. An investigation would clear them of any wrongdoing unless there is wrongdoing to find. 

Out of pocket reactions like Scott hunter’s makes us look like gay people can’t be involved in things without summoning the alphabet mafia at the slightest inconvenience. This is going to make it harder for the queer community to have any meaningful involvement in the sport.  

32,827 Notes

#shane hollander

cmonbarbieletsgoparty reblogged boobrigiade 

boobrigiade 

me watching hockey: when do they kiss 

boobrigiade

what is hollanov

101,013 Notes

#hollanov #I LOVE IT WHEN HOT PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE #THEY WERE FLIRTING THE WHOLE TIME???

mariostits reblogged bagelbot

chekovsleftnut

jfc it is impossible to do anything with you people. okay let’s try this again with small words

DO NOT

BUY

THE FUCKING

JERSEYS

DO NOT BUY ANY OFFICIAL MERCH FOR ILYA ROZANOV OR SHANE HOLLANDER

THE METROS AND THE RAIDERS MANAGEMENT BOTH BENT THE FUCKING KNEE TO THE NHL. THEY ARE NOT SUPPORTING OUR BOYS. AND THEY GET A CUT OF THE SALES WHEN YOUR DUMB GAY ASSES BUY OFFICIAL TEAM JERSEYS SO YOU CAN WEAR THEM ON DATES. THE NHL GETS A CUT OF THOSE PROFITS. YOU ARE PUTTING MONEY IN THE POCKETS OF THE OPPRESSORS. 

DO NOT GO TO THEIR GAMES TO SUPPORT THEM

THEY WILL NOT BE THERE

THE NHL IS TRYING TO FUCKING KILL THEM AND YOU ARE GIVING THEM THE MONEY TO DO IT 

THIS IS A BOYCOTT. A BOYCOTT. IF WE WANT TO WIN WE NEED TO MAKE THEM BLEED. 

AT THE END OF THE DAY MONEY IS WHAT MATTERS. IF YOU WANT TO HELP THEN WE NEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SHANE HOLLANDER AND ILYA ROZANOV ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO CAN SAVE THE NHL FROM BANKRUPTCY. 

 SHANE HOLLANDER HAS MAJOR SPONSORSHIPS WITH ROLEX REEBOKS AND CALVIN KLEIN. REEBOKS WAS THE ONLY ONE OF THEM TO ISSUE A STATEMENT AND THEY IMPLIED THEY WERE LOOKING TO DUMP OUR BOY. IF ONE OF THEM DROPS HIM THE REST OF HIS SPONSORSHIPS WILL FOLLOW SUIT AND WE CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN. WE NEED TO FLOOD THEIR SOCIALS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. WE NEED TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IF ANYONE DROPS SHANE THE BOYCOTT EXTENDS TO THEM. IF WE SHOW THAT WE WILL CRASH THEIR STOCK OVER THIS THE MAJOR BRANDS WILL PRESSURE THE NHL FOR US. 

“but why would the nhl care what a watch company thinks” YOU DUMB BITCHES 

THE NHL DID NOT NAME IT THE LITTLE CAESARS ARENA BECAUSE THEY LIKE THEIR PIZZA 

MAJOR BRANDS BUILD THE NHL’S RINKS FOR THEM JUST SO THEY CAN STICK THEIR NAME ON IT. THEY BUY EQUIPMENT. THEY PAY FOR THE BUSES AND PLANES HAULING THEIR PLAYERS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. THEY DO ALL OF IT SO THAT THE NHL WILL TURN AROUND AND SELL THEM BACK TO US

IF WE PLAY THIS RIGHT THIS WILL END WITH OUR BOYS MAKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INAUGURAL HOLLANOV-WINGSTOP ARENA 

OUR PRIORITY NEEDS TO BE REEBOKS. THEYRE FUCK-OFF MAJOR SPONSORS OF THE NHL. EVERY FUCKING JERSEY THE NHL WEARS OR SELLS IS MADE BY REEBOKS. LOOK AT THE TAGS ON THE DUMB FUCKING JERSEYS YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO BUY. IF WE WIN REEBOKS WE WIN THE FUCKING WAR. CALL THEIR HELP LINE FLOOD THEIR EMAIL GO ON TWITTER AND TELL THEM YOU WILL BURN DOWN THEIR FUCKING STORES AND THEN SUCK OFF THE NEAREST NIKE SALES ASSOCIATE IF THEY DROP SHANE HOLLANDER. 

LOCK IN GAY PEOPLE

98,678 Notes

#hollanov #i know we’re all communists on this site but right now the gay revolution needs to be sponsored by pepsi #every single one of us needs to channel the spirit of ultimate pageant mom yuna hollander #asdfgjagj im sorry but it is so funny #why is their family group chat just shane being like ‘mom pls I just want to go play hockey’ #and her being like ‘later right now a brand will pay us to take pictures of you in their underwear’ #YUNA WHERE ARE YOU THE GAY REVOLUTION NEEDS YOU #the silence is scary actually like where is she theres been no statement yet 

officialskiphunter reblogged avengersunassemble

officialskiphunter

[Image: A screenshot of Scott Hunter and Shane Hollander screaming at each other on the ice. Both men have to be held back by their teammates.]

IT WAS A GAY ON GAY HATE CRIME???

avengersunassemble

okay so we all agree they definitely fucked right 

77,031 Notes

#i KNOW I am a kip/scott fanblog but it’s a little undeniable #omg I’m pretty sure this fight was right around when kip and Scott started talking #do you think shane was jealous?? #what are we calling this ship now #hollanter?? #whatever it is they must have made up #did you see how gentle scott was with shane??? I’m almost sad they broke up #i NEED Ilya-scott-shane-kip bestie content stat #they could all kiss tbh #dadgate #hollanov #cannot BELIEVE I used to hate shane Hollander for this fight #oh my god it can’t be easy having to compete against your ex and stay calm

hollanover

guys i know we are talking boycott right now but i need someone to answer me is shane hollander fucking dead??? 

111 Notes

#hollanov #shane Hollander #ilya rozanov #some news outlets are reporting that he attempted???? #guys I’ve been crying for like an hour did we already lose him #are we too late #ilya hasn’t made a statement yet but that’s not so unusual for him #but shane’s brand is a fucking machine oml #my one takeaway from their family group chat is that yuna hollander #has a tasteful statement prepared for everything from the store being out of milk to the second coming of jesus christ #the only thing I can imagine keeping her from handling the fuck out of this #is if we lost him and she’s grieving #guys we can’t be too late we can’t #did you see the video of him in the locker room like he was so afraid #his dad has been so worried about him #did you see his fitness logs his body has been fucking shutting down with the stress #im so afraid right now #oh my god poor ilya is anyone with him

…

r/sports

ProudHockeyDad | 10y

I think my son may be gay. Are there any gay athletes that I can use to encourage him?

Dear internet,

I think my son might be gay and afraid to tell me. A few different people on this site have told me that it’s a bad idea to just ask him if he’s gay. I was hoping I could drop some subtle hints that it’s okay if he is gay so he won’t be worried to tell me. 

My son’s an amazing athlete and we’ve always bonded over sports. Maybe it’s silly, but I thought that maybe I could watch some kind of sports match with a gay athlete and I could casually work into conversation how much I liked that athlete. Then he’d know that I support athletes who also happen to be gay and so if he was an athlete who also happened to be gay then that was just fine by me. I could maybe buy him and myself that player’s jersey or something. Maybe I’m overthinking it. 

Thing is, I’ve been having trouble finding openly gay athletes for us to watch together. Can you help me make a list of gay athletes so I can start supporting them? 

[Archived post. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast.] 

[deleted] | 10y

No? You’re not finding them because there’s no one to find. They aren’t all that sporty. I wouldn’t be worried. If your son is a good athlete, then you’re probably in the clear. 

 

[deleted] | 10y

I think Dave Kopay came out after he retired? Hasn’t played since like the 70s though. I don’t know of any out today. Maybe you could watch reruns?

 

This comment was removed for violating community guidelines.

 

bparker12 | 10y

try men’s figure skating. Or women’s basketball. Feels like those types would be there. 

 

This comment was removed for violating community guidelines.

 

This comment was removed for violating community guidelines.

 

powerpad872 | 10y

Most gay athletes don’t come out until after they retire, if they come out at all. If your son’s really gay, then he may want to steer clear from competing at a collegiate or professional level. Even if he can cut it, it’ll make for a pretty lonely life. 

…

Can the NHL Go On Strike? Well, It’s Complicated

13 Jan 2018 • 3:36 P.M. EST

The hockey world took another blow this morning when the NHL’s first openly gay player, Scott Hunter, seemingly attempted to kickstart a strike on the NHL in response to its investigation into fellow gay athletes Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. Hollander and Rozanov, who have long marketed themselves as bitter rivals, have been accused of concealing a homosexual affair to rig games against each other. 

This unexpected development left a lot of people asking the same question: Can hockey players even go on strike?

To find out, we sat down with award-winning “hockey historian” Liam McCarthy. The answer? In short, it’s “complicated.”

“If the question is, ‘Have NHL players ever gone on strike,’ then yes, they have,” McCarthy told us, while he was still taking in the morning's headlines. “But there’s only been one league-wide strike in the history of the NHL. What’s far more common is a lockout.” 

A lockout, as McCarthy explained, happens when team owners force a league shutdown because they couldn’t come to an agreement on the terms of the players’ collective bargaining agreement. A strike initiates when the players refuse to take the ice. 

“Lockouts are historically much more successful,” he emphasized. “Again, NHL players went on strike one time and it was over twenty years ago. But league owners have successfully locked out their own players three times.” 

Each lockout, McCarthy noted, took place under the leadership of the current NHL Commissioner, Roger Crowell. 

So is this strike likely to succeed? McCarthy’s hopes weren’t high. 

“I think before you ask if the strike is likely to succeed, you have to ask if it’s likely to happen,” said McCarthy. “What we have right now isn’t a strike. A strike requires organization. It requires attempts at advance negotiation. Preferably union involvement. At least an agreement amongst multiple people to strike. But Hunter appears to have decided to throw down the gauntlet to league management without knowing if any of his fellow players would pick it up. On the flip side, you have Roger Crowell, who’s taken on every single player in the NHL and come out the victor on no less than three separate occasions. I mean, if this is David versus Goliath, then I think David forgot his rock.” 

To date, only one player in the League has decided to answer Hunter’s call to action: Hayden Pike, a mostly unremarkable left-wing for the Montreal Metros whose most noteworthy attribute appears to be his friendship with the scandal-plagued Shane Hollander, joined the strike within an hour of Hunter’s declaration. No other member of the Montreal Metros or the Boston Raiders has spoken out on their captains’ behalf. Ownership for each team, meanwhile, has publicly thrown their support behind the Commissioner’s Office. 

Still, McCarthy wasn’t willing to bet against Hunter's camp. 

“There’s definitely some peculiarities that even out some of their odds,” he explained. “A big one is Rose Landry’s simultaneous call for a boycott. I’m not sure if the Commissioner’s Office was anticipating her involvement when they started making decisions this morning.”

At first glance, X-League star Rose Landry seems to be an unlikely addition to this cast. And her involvement only becomes more confusing in light of her recent break-up with the apparently-gay Hollander. 

“That, I can’t explain,” said McCarthy, with a touch of humor. “Maybe they stayed friends after. That’s not hockey, so I can’t help you there.”

Landry’s no stranger to the spotlight—on the contrary, she’s dominated it since she became the youngest person to win an Oscar after her performance in Paper Dolls snagged her the award for Best Supporting Actress at just eight years old. And her fan base isn’t one to be underestimated. 

“You know, I think the NHL is in a better position than any of us to estimate just how much Rose Landry’s influence is worth to them,” was McCarthy’s take on it. “They’ve certainly benefitted from it.” 

McCarthy’s not wrong. While the NHL has yet to release any official data, experts estimate that the Hollander’s team alone enjoyed a 53% spike in viewership from young female fans after the actress was publicly linked to the Montreal Metros’ captain early this year. The NHL as a whole experienced a remarkable 7% increase in overall viewership—an absolutely stunning rise to stem from interest in one player in a league that boasts more than 700 of them. Hollander himself? His jersey sales surged more than 300% after his association with Landry, and that figure only becomes more impressive when you factor in the fact that his jerseys already outsold every other player in the NHL.

“I mean, we’re easily talking about revenue in the range of half a billion dollars,” estimated McCarthy. “That’s not the kind of money that any organization turns its nose up at.  The NHL was hoping to keep some of that revenue even after Hollander’s relationship ended. Now that Landry’s called for a boycott? They’re risking a loss that could be five, ten times what they made off of her.” 

The biggest wildcards in the mix? In McCarthy’s opinion, it’s Hollander and Rozanov themselves. 

“If these were any other two players alive—or dead, frankly—I’d say that they had no shot. But these aren’t just any players. This is Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov.”

McCarthy’s admiration for the two players isn’t new. Just last year, he released Heated Rivalry: How A Two-Player Feud Is Changing Hockey, a New York Times bestseller analyzing the impact of the players’ record-shattering careers. 

“I don’t know if I regret the name,” McCarthy admitted, laughing. “I think maybe it needs a sequel. ‘So It Was A Little More Heated Than We Thought.’ Obviously, there’s a lot the first book was missing.  Maybe I’ll call my publisher next.”

As to the allegations against the players, McCarthy had this to say: 

“I just don’t see it. I mean, the Commissioner’s Office may very well have information I don’t. All I can speak to is what I’ve seen out of these two men on the ice. And honestly? If they were actively trying to throw games for each other, then that may be the first thing that either of them have ever done badly in their entire lives. This isn’t a situation where there’s been a series of suspicious mistakes during their games that gave one or the other the advantage. We are talking about the two best players in the world competing at a level few in history have even grazed. Every single hockey fanatic out there, myself included, has spent almost a decade analyzing every single move these two have made. And every single one of us saw generational talents who competed at their absolute peak when it was against the other.”

McCarthy’s takeaway?

“I’d watch whatever happens closely, because it’s going to determine the future of the NHL. This is hockey history, right here. Honestly, it may be one of the most important things that has ever or will ever happen to the sport. Actually, excuse me—I gotta go call my publisher.” 

Ilya Rozanov’s representatives declined to comment. Shane Hollander’s representatives could not be reached for a comment. 

More like this:

Condition of Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander Unknown After Homosexual Affair Revealed 

Hollander and Rozanov Jerseys Sell Out Amidst Public Scandal—Does Being Gay Pay?

Boston Raider’s Lineman Faces Public Backlash After Making Light of Hollander/Rozanov Sex Scandal

Chapter 2: 01.13.18

Chapter Notes

TW: Discriminatory/homophobic language, discussions of depression/mental health

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

As many of you know, I collided with another player during Monday night’s game and had to be removed from the ice by medics. Thankfully, I was not seriously injured. I was treated at the hospital for concussion symptoms and released to home monitoring. In strict compliance with concussion protocols, I have had my phone turned off since.   1/6

5:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 17.9k retweets | 24.3k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

When I turned my phone on today, I was flooded with notifications. At the time, I believed this was because I was receiving five days worth of notifications at once. In an act I have come to regret, I checked Twitter before I checked my personal messages.  The first tweet I saw included what I believed was a joke involving Boston Raiders’ captain and my close friend, Ilya Rozanov. In response, I made a tongue-in-cheek comment that I, at the time, believed my friend would laugh at. Unfortunately, my reasoning was still compromised from my recent head injury. 2/6

5:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 35.3k retweets | 52.1k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

Earlier today, the Boston Raiders’ management issued a statement on the team’s behalf regarding our captain’s recent suspension. The players were not consulted before this statement was issued. As a team, we decided to refrain from issuing individual statements in hopes that we would be able to speak with our captain first and defer to his wishes. We have unfortunately been unable to get into contact with him due to recent events. In light of the impending game, we have decided to issue a response without consulting with Ilya Rozanov. Our words were not in any way influenced by his wishes, beliefs, or instructions.  3/6

5:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 157.8k retweets | 193.3k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

The Boston Raiders will not be taking the ice tonight. We apologize to our fans and in particular to those who bought tickets. However, it has become clear to us that the NHL’s actions were driven by a discriminatory intent. Until Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are allowed back on the ice, the Boston Raiders will not be on it. 4/6

5:20 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 200.4k retweets | 207.3k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

My teammates and I will not be commenting on Ilya Rozanov or Shane Hollander’s sexual orientation or relationship status. This decision should not be construed as a confirmation of the rumors that have circulated in the last twenty-four hours. 

Like many of my teammates, I have close friends and family members who are proud members of the LGBTQ+ community. The Boston Raiders will not disrespect our loved ones, our fans, and the public by turning a blind eye to discrimination. Hockey is for everyone. 5/6

5:20 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 337.9k retweets | 340.5k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

Cap, if you see this, we’re with you. Please call us when you find a safe place to land. 6/6

5:20 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 353.1k retweets | 370.9k likes

…

United States Trends

1 - #HOLLANOV

3.4M Tweets

2 - Shane Hollander

1.7M Tweets

3 - Ilya Rozanov

1.2M Tweets

4 - #NHLBoycott

978.3k Tweets

5 - Boston Raiders

557.2k Tweets

6 - Reeboks

232.4k Tweets

…

Intervention DO NOT TELL SHANE

03 Sept 2017, 09:11

Hayden Pike added you to the chat

Hayden Pike added Yuna Hollander to the chat

Hayden Pike added Our Boy to the chat

Hayden Pike renamed the chat

Our Boy

What is this

Hayden 

Do not tell shane I did this 

Our Boy

Got that part 

Is in name

What am I not telling him 

Yuna 

Hayden? Honey, is something wrong?

Hayden 

Yeah

Yeah something is really wrong

And shane’s in denial about it being wrong and I’m getting really scared okay

Is he hurt? What happened?

Hayden 

You know how he came out to the team? 

Well

Fuck so they didn’t take it so well

Our Boy

Shane told us this 

Said it was awkward 

Said it would get better with time to adjust

Hayden 

Yeah well it hasn’t gotten better

It’s gotten way way worse!!

Our Boy

What did motherfuckers do

Sorry yuna 

What did fuckers do 

Yuna 

It’s okay hon

Hayden what did those motherfuckers do

Hayden 

It’s not 

It’s nothing specific 

It’s a bunch of little things adding up to big things 

It’s fucking weird now! Everyone acts like shane being gay is some big elephant in the room. I’ve caught Cormeau and Drapeau saying shit behind his back a few times. I don’t know if they’ve said shit to his face because you could not waterboard it out of shane 

Some of the team has been way out of line with him and coach will not do anything to stop it. Fuck he’s encouraging it

Shane won’t go in the locker rooms anymore unless he absolutely has to. He says that he makes people uncomfortable. He just stays out on the ice until everyone else leaves 

Look he’s been taking way more hits in practice 

Like by a lot  

They are not protecting him and I am terrified that something is going to happen to him once the season starts 

I can’t do this on my own and no one else will even acknowledge that something’s going on let alone that we need to fix it

J.J.’s okay I guess?? He got over Shane not telling him sooner and tried to set him up with some guy so I don’t think he has a problem with Shane being gay but he also won’t admit that anyone else does. He just keeps trying to get everyone to hang out as if nothing’s changed 

Our Boy

Yes J.J. is big problem

Hayden

Dude I seriously cannot handle you being you right now 

I’m doing my best to take care of him but I’m not fast enough to keep up with him the whole game and people gun for him every time because they know he’s like 90% of our goals 

If something doesn’t change he is going to end up in the hospital this season

He won’t let me say anything because he keeps trying to fix it with the team but we’re past that we are so far past that 

They are going to get him killed and he is going to let them do it because he doesn’t want to admit that it’s over

I can’t convince him on my own it needs to be all of us together 

We need to do an intervention. We need to figure something out before the season starts. 

Let me repeat: we as a group need to do this together. Do not go rogue and call him by yourself. 

Our Boy

Too late

I have already hit dial

Hayden 

OH YOU ARE THE FUCKING WORST MAN

…

Pride Tape @PrideTape

[Image 1: A screenshot of a statement. In the bottom right corner, there is a drawing of a hockey stick wrapped in rainbow tape. The statement reads: 

Most LGBTQ+ youth don’t feel welcome in team sports. They’re forced to quit or hide out of fears of rejection or violence. So, two years ago, we started Pride Tape for a simple reason: we wanted a way to show queer hockey players that they had a place on the ice. 

Scott Hunter’s courage in the last playoffs proved our point better than we ever could. We were so proud of him for taking a leap of faith and showing other queer athletes that they belong in hockey—in fact, they could even hold the Stanley Cup. So we couldn’t help but slide into his DMs and ask him if he could use some tape.

Scott offering to work with us was a partnership beyond our little company’s wildest dreams. For as long as he’s on the ice, we’ll have tape for him. And while he’s off it, we’ll be sticking with him. 

Pride Tape is extremely disappointed in the NHL’s recent discriminatory actions against Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. And until they are reinstated, Pride Tape will continue to fight for the inclusion of all in hockey, irrespective of sexual orientation.

Shane and Ilya, we’re with you. And we aren’t the only ones. There’s an entire community at your back fighting to get you back on the ice. 

And when that day comes, we’ll be ready with the tape.]

[Image 2: A photograph of Scott Hunter on an ice rink, surrounded by young hockey players, all kneeling. Each person is wearing a black jersey with a rainbow colored heart on it. Everyone holds a hockey stick, wrapped in rainbow tape. Scott’s eyes are slightly wet.] 

Hockey is for everyone. 

2:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 57.3k retweets | 69.2k likes

parker jones @pj12378

hey @scotthunterofficial just because Hollander bounced on it for you it doesn’t mean you’ve got to blow up your career for him. Just wanted to make sure you knew this

4:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.9k retweets | 3.7k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

Rosies, our queen has given us our marching orders.  

[Gif: A platoon of soldiers snapping to attention in unison.]

5:48 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 234.7k retweets | 413.3k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

Until Rose calls an end to the boycott, we cannot go to any NHL games ESPECIALLY IF THE MONTREAL METROS ARE PLAYING

If you already have the tickets DO NOT RESELL THEM. We want those stands EMPTY so that they know we mean business.     

5:48 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 238.9k retweets | 407.2k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

I know a lot of us became hockey fans after Rose’s Shandry era. I actually got so into it that I bought season tickets to the Seattle Hydras and joined a Friday night beer league. But if we want the boycott to work then we cannot have ANY engagement with NHL. We do not watch their games in person or via broadcast. We do not buy their merch. The only comments we leave on their social media will be to demand that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are immediately reinstated and that Roger Crowell is FIRED.  

5:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 302.9k retweets | 413.9k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

Remember that the National Women’s Hockey League and the Canadian Women's Hockey League are both independent from the NHL and are NOT subject to the boycott!! Please continue to support them because they are SUPER LGBTQ+ friendly. There's unfortunately only four teams rn in the NWHL and most are on the east coast so my opportunities to see a game in person are limited but the games are broadcast too!! So if you’re like me and need your hockey fix during the boycott then consider a women's league game!!

5:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 333.2k retweets | 420.9k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

[Image: A screenshot of a word document entitled “Group A.” It details a group of companies, including Reeboks, Calvin Klein, and Rolex.]

Group A is a list of companies that have active sponsorships with Scott, Shane, or Ilya. The ONLY corporate sponsor to speak out in support of any of our boys was Pride Tape (no surprise there), who immediately stated that they’d continue to support Scott and were rooting for Shane and Ilya. Pride Tape is NOT on this list as a result. 

Every company on this list either has stated their sponsorship is “under review” or has declined to comment on whether it will continue. Until they publicly back our guys then we DO NOT SUPPORT these brands. But if they reaffirm their deals then we PIVOT to supporting the fuck out of them. If a company wants off this list, they know what to do. 

5:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 567.3k retweets | 692.1k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

[Image: A screenshot of a word document entitled “Group B.” It lists a different group of companies. Reeboks is at the top of the list.]

Group B is the most important one. These are the NHL’s biggest sponsors. @Reeboks ALSO sponsors Shane Hollander and Scott Hunter, so they are our priority. Until they support the boycott and put pressure on the NHL, these brands are dead to us. Flood their socials so that they know EXACTLY why they’re losing money. 

5:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 752.9k retweets | 798.9k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

[Image: A screenshot of a word document entitled “Group C.” It lists a final, shorter group of companies.]

Group C are the brands sponsoring Shane Hollander’s teammates (except for Hayden Pike). We boycott them until they drop those assholes. 

I did not include the Boston Raiders’ sponsors on this list because they’ve publicly sided with Ilya. I have not included the NY Admirals’ sponsors yet because it’s still early in this and they supported Scott when he came out  but I will consider adding them depending on what happens going forward. But I’m confident in adding the Metros players to the boycott, especially with everything that’s come out in the leaked files.  These guys are disgusting homophobes and we WILL NOT support any brand that keeps them, ESPECIALLY when Shane may get dropped just for being gay.  

5:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 631.6k retweets | 712.9k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

These assholes acted like we were idiots for liking hockey after Shandry got together but were happy to take our money. We are NOT letting them treat us like jokes anymore. Hockey is for everyone and if they don’t like that then we will SHUT THEIR STADIUMS DOWN. Until the boycott is over, we do not give any money to the NHL or NHL sponsors. We make so much noise on their socials that they can’t ignore this. And we DO NOT let anyone get away with not supporting the boycott with us. Until we see blood, no one dates or has sex with any NHL official, player, or fan. 

5:50 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 832.1k retweets | 901.3k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

@kippitydooda You get a pass on that last one

5:54 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 219.1k retweets | 307.4k likes

Yes I’m That Kip Grady @kippitydooda

oh thank god

7:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 907.3k retweets | 998.1k likes

Cardinal Bird Tuesday @joniesday

I hate to be that person but if the NHL wanted to discriminate against gay players why wouldn’t they do it when Scott Hunter came out?? they were pretty chill about that I think they just probably care about all the cheating guys…

4:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.7k retweets | 2.3k likes

Patrick Daughtery @p_doc

No let me fucking tell you this Hollander investigation was the best thing the NHL coulda done. The sheer number of bands I’ve dropped betting on a Montreal-Boston game—if those two were rigging shit bc their fuckbuddy needed a win then im losing my SHIT 

3:11 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 507 retweets | 1.1k likes

bridge tulpa @rosiecozie

So I wanted to support @PrideTape since they’re the only ones to speak out for Shane and Ilya so far but I don’t play sports. I checked their website anyway and they’ve got a bunch of super cute merch so anyway check out my new hat:

[Image: A screenshot of Pride Tape’s Equality Cap.]

5:01 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 2.3k retweets | 3.1k likes

raiders stanley cup run 2018 @bridgetthinks6

So does anyone have any fun date night ideas in the Boston area now that @BostonRaidersOfficial won’t be playing after all? Drove an hour and hired a babysitter for this waste…

6:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 37 retweets | 56 likes

parker jones @pj12378

shit Hollander must give good head if he’s got this many players committing career suicide for him. think he blew the whole boston team?? 

5:53 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 3.2k retweets | 4.1k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Did anyone misplace an extremely buff and distressed men’s choir or is that the boston raiders huddled in the corner of this bar  

6:39 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 432.1k retweets | 556.3k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

see it’s so funny that I see them here because my husband is a HUGE raiders fan and the only reason why he’s not here with me tonight is because he ditched me. To go to the raiders game. What I can’t figure out is why the RAIDERS aren’t at the raiders game 

6:40 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 440.4k retweets | 417.2k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

You can all stop telling me, I got it now. What I don’t understand is where the fuck my husband is if he’s not at the raiders game 

6:47 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 232.1k retweets | 278.9k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Yes it’s definitely the raiders. No I will not tell you the bar. I’m the only other person here and I don’t think they saw me when they came in. Im not risking my position for internet strangers. I can’t make out everything they’re saying but I’m hearing a lot of murmuring about Russia. 

6:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 479.6k retweets | 550.3k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Ryan Carmichael just said “well if RUSSIA has a problem with us they can fucking say so” and everyone else is hurriedly shushing him  

6:50 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 334.7k retweets | 379.1k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Connors just offered to marry someone “as like, an ally” and now everyone’s mad at him because someone named holly has dibs. Connors just keeps saying “HES CANADIAN” 

6:51 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 654.7k retweets | 712.3k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Their phones have been ringing nonstop literally the entire time they’ve been here and every single time it happens someone asks if it’s cap. it isn’t. 

6:51 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 398.2k retweets | 400k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Now they’re talking about Canada. Very geographically inclined tonight I see. 

6:53 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 127.5k retweets | 130.4k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Hammersmith just shouted “WE CANT CHECK ALL OF CANADA CLIFF ITS TOO BIG” and stormed off to get another drink

6:53 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 130.8k retweets | 139.4k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

they’re googling how big Canada is

6:54 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 117.1k retweets | 123.5k likes

Betty Willworth @betty_willworth

@pattyb17 girl your husband???

6:54 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 56.2k retweets | 62.1k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

He’s less interesting than this. 

Okay so they’ve stopped debating Canadian geography and started debated whether it’s homophobic to “fist bump cap for laying legendary pipe” when they see him next. general consensus is no but they shouldn’t do it where shane hollander can see 

6:55 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 506.2k retweets | 620.4k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

this has segued into a fight about who gets to give someone away at their wedding and whether it’s homophobic to assume that person gets given away. general consensus is no “because, like, they have to get to the front somehow” so now they’re back to fighting about who gets to give the person away. Carmichael just suggested a system where they pass him off every few feet like in a relay race  

6:59 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 671.3k retweets | 677.8k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

One of them just “okay but how do you think cap pulled Hollander” and they sat in silence for like 15 seconds until st-simon said “he had to have gotten in early and locked that shit down right” and everyone nodded 

7:02 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 699.8k retweets | 703.9k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Okay so Marleau brought up someone called Montreal Jane and they all started frantically whispering until Hammersmith started pounding his fist on the table saying SHANE IS JANE SHANE IS JANE and now st-simon has his head between his knees and is taking deep breaths

7:05 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 780.1k retweets | 795.9k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

Marleau keeps asking everyone else if he looks like an ally “because like his sister is gay and he thinks that shit rocks” and is getting increasingly upset the longer it goes without anyone telling him he looks like an ally

7:07 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 432.3k retweets | 501.6k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

They stopped talking suddenly and started looking around. internet my position may be compromised 

7:09 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 432.3k retweets | 501.6k likes

Patricia Bernice @pattyb17

St-Simon said “shit” really really quietly and then Marleau shouted “FUCK WHERE ARE YOU” and then they all ran out of the bar. That’s all I’ll have for you tonight folks. I guess I’ll go see what my husband says when I ask him how the game went

7:10 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 567.1k retweets | 643.2k likes

…

Shane + Yuna

05 Dec 2010, 20:47

Shane

Mom would you please lay off 

I swear to god I didn’t do anything 

Yuna

You were there and that’s bad enough

Shane

I was there to pick up my idiot teammates so they wouldn’t drive drunk

I 

Didn’t 

Drink 

I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this. I only went inside so I could get them into the car 

I didn’t know the police would show up in the two seconds I was inside  

What do you want, the breathalyzer? I can get you the police report

I didn’t even get arrested! I blew a zero and they let me go!

Yuna

Shane answer your phone 

Shane 

No

You’re being crazy 

I’m not answering you’re just going to scream at me again

Yuna

Shane you aren’t getting this 

Shane

What did you want me to do, let them drive home like that? I didn’t do anything wrong. 

Yuna

Shane 

IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU DID ANYTHING WRONG 

You are not like your teammates 

Shane

Oh god we’re doing this again

Yuna

You ARENT 

Yuna Hollander 

05 Dec 2010, 20:49

Honey maybe go easy on him a little 

He sounds really beat up about it all 

Dave I can’t go easy on him 

You know I can’t go easy on him

They won’t go easy on him 

They will sink his career into oblivion over something those white boys do without thinking about it 

They get to be stupid and young but he doesn’t get the same luxury

 It doesn’t matter if he drank what matters if that if a tabloid picks this up the headline is going to be “NHL’s Only Asian Player Busted By Police At Boozy House Party in Whore-Riddled Crack House” 

They won’t care why he was there

I don’t think it was a crack house 

And I don’t think we say whore anymore. They were probably very nice ladies

Oh my god. David. 

That!

Doesn’t!

Matter!

What matters is what the tabloids are going to print about it!!

Reeboks wants a sponsorship and if this comes out that deal is dead and so is every other potential brand deal 

Reeboks wants to go forward?

That’s great!

Not with this going on! It’s the worst possible timing! 

Gossip travels. If an official supplier of the NHL decides a player is too scandalous for them then no one else will touch him

Next thing you know the only place where you see Shane’s name is in an article about how his income is a quarter of Ilya Rozanov’s so he must be the worse player after all

I’m not going to to let them do this to my son. I’m not going to let them force him out. Things like this cannot happen. 

Does Shane know that Reeboks called back?

You know what I didn’t have a chance to tell him before he ended up in POLICE CUSTODY

Can we please focus here?

They didn’t take him into custody hon

Dave

I know that’s not the point you’re making

THAT IS NOT THE POINT

I just think that maybe this isn’t as bad as you’re worried about. He didn’t get arrested so there’s no mugshot to slap on the front page. I doubt any tabloids even realized this happened. It’s still just his rookie season. People aren’t watching him that closely.  

[Image 1: A screenshot of a news article entitled: Rookie Watch: Rozanov, Hollander Among Top Scorers in Atlantic Division]

[Image 2: A screenshot of another news article entitled: ROZANOV-HOLLANDER RIVALRY MAKES ROOKIES THE MOST TALKED-ABOUT PLAYERS OF THE SEASON.]

[Image 3: A screenshot of a third news article entitled: New to the NHL? Rozanov and Hollander Are Two Players to Watch.]

You were saying?

God it drives me nuts he’s had a better rookie season than Rozanov and he can’t even get his name first in an article let alone his own article. Watch them find a way to shoehorn Rozanov into this too 

Okay okay people are watching him. I don’t think this is going to change that. Hon our boys a rocket and always has been. He’ll be fine. 

Even if this turns into nothing it’s too close to something for comfort. He can’t ever do something like this again.

He is not sacrificing his career over some guy named Hayden. That friendship is done 

Yuna, no. Shane likes Hayden 

I like Hayden

YOU like Hayden when you’re not upset

Just yesterday you were talking about how happy you were that Shane made a friend on his team

Yeah? Well I said the same thing about Kyle. 

Look how he turned out. 

We have been down this road before. These boys just ride Shane’s coattails and the SECOND it stops being convenient to them they discard him like he’s nothing and our son’s the one who ends up hurt. Shane needs someone who will stick by him and that’s not Hayden

Shane is 19. You cannot stop him from being friends with someone and if you try then he’ll just get more upset

Give him a chance. I think Hayden’s a good kid. 

That’s what YOU said about Kyle

Shane + Yuna

05 Dec 2010, 20:54

Shane

Don’t worry mom I got it already 

I’m the only Asian player in the league 

There’s a a bunch of kids out there who don’t normally get to see people who look like them in sports and they’re copying every single thing I do

Shane your mothers just trying to help

Shane 

My teammates get to be stupid but I can’t even look stupid 

Because the only way the public accepts someone who looks like me is if i don’t do a single controversial thing ever 

So be perfect! 

Every single day 

I think I hit your usual points mom

I’m going to sleep I have practice in the morning  

Yuna

We will be talking about this more when you’re ready to act like an adult.

Shane

05 Dec 2010, 21:01

Hey kiddo

I know your mom and I come on strong sometimes. We just worry about you

I know you’re under a lot of pressure right now 

We didn’t say this like we should have but your mom and I are really proud of you for looking out for your friends

We just don’t want you to get hurt that’s all

Dad I know you and mom mean well but I need you to stop for tonight please  

Right now I just really, really do not need another lecture about how it’s controversial that I exist  

…

Opinion: The Hollander Leak Proves That He Never Had What It Takes For Professional Hockey

13 Jan 2018 • 6:13 P.M. EST

In the last few years, Shane Hollander’s natural talents on the rink have allowed him to gain notoriety in the hockey world, with a few even claiming he’d go down in history as one of the greats. But hockey fans got a clearer picture of Hollander yesterday when a cellphone hack revealed he wasn’t quite as clean as he liked to keep his image. 

To the public, Hollander portrayed himself as a calm, clear-headed leader about to handle the pressures of the game. But to those who knew him? Hollander was viewed as a neurotic, anxiety-riddled mess who posed an active danger to himself. And given his unbalanced reaction to learning about the leak, the later impression seems to be the correct one. 

Professional hockey is, of course, about more than technical skill. It demands the ability to stay cool under pressure. And it’s clear that that’s not an ability Hollander has. 

Please subscribe or login to continue reading.

More like this:

Calvin Klein Declines to Comment on Hollander/Rozanov Scandal, Unclear If Partnership Will Continue

Crazed “Hollanov” Fans Send Bomb Threat to NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell’s House, Officials Say

Montreal Metros’ J.J. Dagenais Declared Interim Captain Amongst Hollander’s Controversial Departure

…

r/parentingadvice

throwaway16232927263| 7y

I (40M) think my professional athlete son (21M) may be gay and/or depressed. How can I convince him it’s going to be okay?

Dear internet, 

I need sensitive advice. I’ve changed names, ages, and details. 

My son is and always has been an incredibly talented football player. He’s so talented that he was an early draft pick for his professional league. There’s been an honestly terrifying amount of spotlight on him since he went pro. His mother (40F) and I always knew he’d go far, but I don’t think even we expected how quickly his career would blow up. 

He’s the same great kid he’s always been. Really. A part of me was worried that the fame would go to his head, but if anything, that seems to be the part of this all that interests him the least. I think he just likes to play the sport and everything else is just the cost of doing it. 

He’s been a lot quieter and more withdrawn lately. Jumpy, sometimes. He’s not home so much, but when he is, I keep finding him quietly pacing in the dark when he should be sleeping. I know something’s upsetting him. But he always either blows me off or says he’s nervous about the next game. 

I know he’s lying about that part. If you knew my son, you’d know he’s never been nervous about a game in his life. The field is probably the only place in the world where he’s totally comfortable. He’s naturally competitive (he gets it from his mother) and I’ve never seen him be anything but at ease when he’s about to compete. 

His mother and I have suspected he may be gay for years. He never showed much interest in girls. He had a girlfriend once in high school, but he never seemed to want to spend time with her. She asked him out instead of it being the other way around—a few times, I think. There were a couple things that made me suspect he’d just agreed to date her because he thought he had to. 

He hasn’t dated anyone since then and hasn’t shown interest in any women that I can remember. I don’t care if he’s gay, but I’m worried that the league or his teammates will retaliate against him if he is, and that the fear of being outed has been making him depressed. 

I don’t want him to feel ashamed of who he is. I want him to be happy. How can I help him?

Edit: please stop trying to figure out who my son is. Again, I changed all identifying details. None of you have even been close to guessing his name, and starting a witch hunt was the opposite of what I wanted to do with this. 

mysteryseekers | 3y

Oh my god I found it. The legendary post. 

 

bodyasprison  | 2y

does op realize that he is single-handedly responsible for at least 3 nfl star quarterbacks having to come out as straight

 

[deleted] | 6y

oh my god guys this is not fucking real cmon. There is no secret closeted gay nfl player whose dad is turning to Reddit for advice. People on the internet lie this is just someone making shit up 

 

atomicdiscoball | 7y

okay but imagine if this was real and there was some star nfl quarterback whose dad was going to Reddit like “please help it’s about my emotionally fragile disastrously gay son the pro football player” 

 

drunkintherain | 5y

Does he mean American football like the nfl or football/soccer like the mls? 

porcupinesaregood | 5y

no one knows because he won’t say. I personally think it’s neither and he picked football to sow extra confusion about what sport he’s referring to. his son is probably a baseball player or something 

sportssportssports^42| 5y

am I the ONLY one who saw this post in the twenty minutes where it said rink instead of field????? hello??????

 

[deleted] | 7y

Your son probably really is just worried about his next game. 

Competing at the pro level is a lot more pressure than competing for his high school team. Even if he wasn’t nervous before, he’s probably nervous now. Especially if he’s as popular as you say. I wouldn’t read into his sexuality just because he’s stressed—he’s probably just starting to feel some of the pressure.

 

executivechefpastry | 7y

Are you sure your son’s gay? 

I’m not gonna touch on the pro sports player bits of it all. You seem to think he’s interested in men just because he doesn’t like women. But that doesn’t mean he’s interested in men. Look into asexuality or demisexuality. It could be that he’s just not interested in anyone, and that’s okay too. 

He could be gay but he could also be other things. And if he’s been entrenched in the sports scene from a young age, he may not even have the words for what he is. Just sit him down, talk to him about the sexuality spectrum, and tell him you don’t care where he falls on it. I think it’ll be okay. 

 

metros_24 | 1d

THIS WAS REAL????

metros_24 | 1d

IT WAS ABOUT SHANE HOLLANDER??

Chapter 3: 01.13.18-01.14.18

Chapter Notes

TW: Discussions of suicide/homophobia

all stars should just be the metros @burnac12

“if I had a time machine I’d save jfk” “if I had a time machine I’d kill Hitler” well if I had a time machine I’d go back to the 2011 All Stars Game and kill scott hunter before he ruined the best player in the history of hockey

[Image: A still from the 2011 All Stars’ shot accuracy competition. Scott Hunter scuffs Shane Hollander on the head approvingly as he steps back to the bench. On the opposite bench, Ilya Rozanov glowers at Hunter.]

3:14 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 4.4k retweets | 5.6k likes

Niraali Vedula @nvedula

what??

6:59 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 4 retweets | 7 likes

all stars should just be the metros @burnac12

You heard me. 

7:02 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 9 retweets | 11 likes

Niraali Vedula @nvedula

This sounds like you think scott hunter turned shane hollander gay by sleeping with him at the 2011 all stars game. Which would be an insane thing to say. You get how that would be an insane thing to say right. 

7:05 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 43 retweets | 69 likes

all stars should just be the metros @burnac12

Look all I’m saying is that Hunter had unrestricted access to Hollander for an entire weekend when he was 18 and suddenly Hollander comes out as liking dick too. Pretty sus 

7:09 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.7k retweets | 2.9k likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

Is very insulting thing to say. Scott Hunter was way too old and ugly to have a shot with my shane. I was only one fucking him at 2011 all stars. Old Man Hunter was in room next door listening through thin hotel wall  

7:14 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 556.9k retweets | 763.2k likes

Niraali Vedula @nvedula

ILYA ROZANOV???????

7:14 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 140.4k retweets | 156.1k likes

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander 

@ilyarozanov81 answer your phone 

7:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 778.4k retweets | 863.1k likes

Scott Hunter @scotthunterofficial 

I also wish I could go back and kill myself before that night happened.  

7:23 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 889.1k retweets | 901.3k likes

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander 

both of you delete this delete this immediately 

7:24 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.5M retweets | 2.3M likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

Yes it is me I know you have all missed me desperately in the twelve minutes since I have been able to post. Have been dealing with whole life getting ruined by total fucking asshole. you know how it is   

7:15 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 567.8k retweets | 666.1k likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

Know entire world was expecting shane to be the one to release incredibly boring and grammatically correct social media statement on fancy header in times new Roman font. But he said that I could do statement first because I had better chance of denying relationship. we do not have so many choices right now. he wanted me to have most choice i could have. 

7:15 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 663.1k retweets | 707.1k likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

pretty sure he regrets that now 

7:15 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 432.4k retweets | 502.1k likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

he is so funny he has called me so many times 

7:16 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 304.2k retweets | 333.3k likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

Went to other property to do this. Shane has real estate fetish it is very useful for being secret lovers. We have at least 20 minutes before he comes and takes phone away. 

7:16 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 432.4k retweets | 555.9k likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

So yes: I am bisexual. Not that it was any of your business. But it is not a bad thing. Just what I am. 

And yes: I secured bag on shane Hollander. 

You may all go insane with jealousy now 

7:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 2.1M retweets | 4.5M likes

best hockey player in the world @ilyarozanov81

Shane is very good and nice person and likes to be very polite all the time. Was not planning to ever come out so that homophobic assholes did not have tiny brains blown and so that I did not have to give up russia just to love him. But that is out of our hands now. So I will be insufferable about this for both of us    

7:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 987.3k retweets | 1.1M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

People ask if we throw games for each other. Is incredibly stupid question. Watch any of our games. We are best ones there.      

7:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 765.3k retweets | 888.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Also shane is too competitive for that. Gets that from Yuna. Dave has entire stack of board games we are not allowed to play because police were called last time they tried. Only thing allowed in Hollander household now is fucking gin rummy and uno. Uno is on thin ice. Lamp was broken last game.   

7:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 450.4k retweets | 554.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

NHL knows we did not do the things they say we do. You may ask how I know this. Am not allowed to say yet. Scary lawyer lady with very impressive briefcase says to let them do lawyer things first or she will boil me like lobster. But I will soon be telling whole world the things nhl commissioner said to me and my shane. Is just matter of when.   

7:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 876.3k retweets | 919.7k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

See it is so funny that he thinks I would not do this. As if I was afraid. I do not ever get to see my mama’s grave again. roger do you think I am fucking scared of you   

7:18 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.5M retweets | 3.2M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

okay yes lawyers do also tell me is best to not even imply existence of these things until they do lawyer things. sorry andrea. you are very good at your job and have powerful briefcase. but I am so fucking angry. For whole hour last night I thought I lost everything because of dumb assholes on internet. So I do not think I will be so polite about this 

7:18 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 532.7k retweets | 761.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

hi yes @PageSix if you are going to say stupid fucking lies on internet about famous people maybe do not pick this because maybe person’s loved one is stuck on shitty plane with no WiFi and maybe this is first thing that they see when plane lands and maybe they cannot get into contact with anyone because asshole leaked phone number of them and every single person they knew so phones are useless so maybe they think love of life is dead for whole hour. maybe.        

7:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 2.3M retweets | 3.1M likes

Page Six @PageSix

BREAKING: Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander Hospitalized for Suicide Attempt Following Public Outing. Current Condition Unknown. Full Article…

11:57 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 233.1k retweets | 335.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Shane is fine despite being forced to listen to 2 hour pep talk from extremely old and boring man. Was also very surprised to learn he had killed himself. 

7:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.1M retweets | 3.5M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Am seeing a lot of people who seem to think that my shane ever touched old man hunter. This did not happen. I got there first and no one else had chance again ever. Is important to get in early with these things. 

7:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 862.4k retweets | 901.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

actually no I am still so fucking angry about this. do you have any idea what the fuck you did to me

7:20 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1M retweets | 950.1k likes

Page Six @PageSix

BREAKING: Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander Hospitalized for Suicide Attempt Following Public Outing. Current Condition Unknown. Full Article…

11:57 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 233.1k retweets | 335.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@PageSix I want you to go on a journey with me @PageSix. I want you to imagine for a moment that you are me. Will be hard for you I know. 

7:20 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 550.4k retweets | 602.3k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@PageSix I want you to imagine @PageSix that you have spent entire adult life in love with best person in whole world. But you cannot tell anyone. It is big secret because some very stupid people want to kill you over it. And then suddenly it is not so secret anymore and you are stuck in different fucking country from person you love. Imagine that @PageSix. 

7:20 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 601.4k retweets | 777.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

So you get in first plane to take you to same country as that person @PageSix. Is not very good plane. Does not have WiFi. But it takes you where you need to go. And plane lands and you turn on phone and realize that since last time phone was on, entire world has figured out that they have your phone number. The entire world is calling you all at the same time. 

7:21 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 332.1k retweets | 401.5k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Do you know what happens when entire world tries to call you all at same time? Phone does not work so well. Phone breaks.  But before phone breaks, you see notification from news app saying that love of whole life is in hospital and maybe dead. That is the last thing you see @PageSix. 

7:21 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 801.7k retweets | 903.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

You cannot borrow phone to call person. The entire world has their number now. The entire world has number of every single person that person knows even. All the phones you could call are broken because entire world is trying to call them at same time. 

7:21 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 203.1k retweets | 335.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

So you do not get to find out that love of whole entire life is alive until you start checking houses where he may be. And luckily you were able to find him because only other idea was to check every hospital within 100 miles of Montreal. And maybe you do stupid embarrassing thing like cry in front of ancient man and hayden pike. maybe you do that @PageSix.  

7:21 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 601.4k retweets | 777.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

but is fine. everything is fair game because gay men are involved. is fine to make up stupid fucking awful lies as long as it is about gay men. right @PageSix?  

7:22 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1M retweets | 1.9M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Worst part about being secretly in love with best person in the whole world is that you have all these little stories that you cannot tell anyone

7:22 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 601.3k retweets | 802.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Okay actual worst part is endless hiding and paranoia because some people may kill you in real life if they find out and also you both play very dangerous sport so you  must always live with quiet but all consuming fear that one day they will end up in grave and you will not even be invited to funeral because only person who knew you belonged to each other is in the ground. but we will all pretend it is the stories thing 

7:24 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 601.3k retweets | 802.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Once @officialshanehollander comes to my hotel room to shove me against wall and kiss me passionately like we are in movie. 

but first he stops at door to take off shoes. 

7:24 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 789.3k retweets | 1M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@officialshanehollander wears glasses when he reads and yes they are incredibly sexy 

7:25 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 560.9k retweets | 701.7k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@officialshanehollander folds his clothes before sex 

7:25 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 801.6k retweets | 899.7k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: A still of a promotional video from 2010 for CCM. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov face off in the ad, inches from one another. They are dressed in full hockey gear.] 

Before rookie season they make us film promo and decide we have “rivalry” for video and we had to do this part like 500 times because Shane and I cannot stop laughing every time we try and keep ruining shot 

7:27 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.3M retweets | 1M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

stop asking for pictures of shane in glasses only I get to see these things  

7:27 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 666.3k retweets | 701k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

once while being secret lovers we were in canadian wilderness and I hear awful cry of wolf bird. @officialshanehollander replies in bird. he speaks wolfbird language. 

I look up bird noises later and he was telling bird he would fight it. 

7:27 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 777.3k retweets | 900.7k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander sit side by side in a press conference before the 2011 All Stars’ Game.]

Many people got mad at my Shane on this day because he jump in and steal some of my questions. Call it unprofessional. Use it as another big example of rivalry. 

I was still not very good at English back then. I was very scared because I am very smart in Russian but would look stupid having to do first ever press conference in English and understanding next to nothing. my Shane realized what was wrong and answered first so I do not look stupid. Would tap his foot against mine beneath the table so I would know not to be afraid. He was very embarrassed that day so I would not be. You all see rivalry but was just Shane taking care of person he did not even know so well yet 

7:30 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.7M retweets | 3.1M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@officialshanehollander has banned word lover because he thinks word is gross 

7:31 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 271.6k retweets | 403.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@officialshanehollander had entire life ruined with very private things suddenly being not so private and was very embarrassed and still offered to deny that I was secret lover. Said he would say it was some other mystery man or that he was weird freak obsessed with me and doing elaborate ruse. did not make much sense to me. usually his plans are better. Is nonissue because I do not want these things. We will love each other out loud now. 

7:31 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.9M retweets | 3.4M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@officialshanehollander knew I would say crazy things he would not say because he knows me better than all other people. but he still lets me do this anyway because is more important to him that I get choices.  

7:32 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 708k retweets | 900.7k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@officialshanehollander is at the door and sounds very angry. But is okay because he is very attractive when he is angry.    

7:33 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 900.5k retweets | 956.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@officialshaaehrbs

7:33 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 607.3k retweets | 700.9k likes

Victor St-Simon @thehockeysaint

@ilyarozanov81 you okay cap???

7:37 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 123.7k retweets | 301.4k likes

Victor St-Simon @thehockeysaint

oh my god he fucking killed him

7:59 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 113.5k retweets | 300k likes

…

From: david.hollander@gmail.com

Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2015 09:42

To: david.hollander@gmail.com

Subject: HW #13 

Dear Shane, 

My dad never talked to me about how he felt about things. I never talked to him about how I felt about things. I can’t remember him ever telling me that something was wrong. 

His dad died when I was eleven. He went to work after he found out, business as usual. I don’t think he cried when it happened. He got home from work that night and sat outside staring at nothing. I tried to sit with him and he told me to go inside and find something to do. We didn’t talk about it. 

I can’t remember talking to you about how you felt much when you were still small. I can’t remember ever telling you how I felt about things. Your mother was always better at that kind of thing. It was easier to leave it to her. 

You came home last weekend. I don’t think you smiled one time. You said everything was fine when I asked if something was bothering you. You’re just as bad at lying now as you were when you were a little boy. 

I know something’s wrong. I know something’s been wrong. You used to smile more. I wish you’d just talk to me. 

Love, 

Dad

… 

United States Trends

1 - #HOLLANOV

6.3M Tweets

2 - Ilya Rozanov

3.7M Tweets

3 - Shane Hollander

3.6M Tweets

4 - Roger Crowell

1.1M Tweets

5 - #NHLIsSoOverParty

701.3k Tweets

6 - Page Six

663.1k Tweets

…

Page Six @PageSix

Yesterday, Page Six reported on information it received from what it believed was a credible source that the Montreal Metros’ Captain, Shane Hollander, had been hospitalized following an attempt on his life. We have since been informed that our information was inaccurate and a retraction has been issued. We apologize profusely to anyone who was negatively affected by this reporting. 

Our deepest sympathies go out to Shane Hollander and his loved ones. 

8:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 698.9k retweets | 232.1k likes

ROGER CROWELL GO F*** YOURSELF @juniebjones17

I FUCKING TOLD YOU I FUCKING TOLD ALL YOU ASSHOLES. THE NHL COMMISSIONERS OFFICE PULLED TWO GAY MEN INTO A CLOSED DOOR MEETING AND CALLED THEM F***TS AND FELT SO CONFIDENT THAT HE COULD JUST TURN AROUND AND SPOONFEED US CONTRIVED BULLSHIT ABOUT THEM BEING CHEATERS AND YOU ASSHOLES WENT WITH IT. 

7:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 4.9k retweets | 5.7k likes

ROGER CROWELL GO F*** YOURSELF @juniebjones17

I SAW THE BULLSHIT EXCUSE THE NHL PUT OUT AND IMMEDIATELY SAID “oh they called them slurs and are trying to discredit them before it comes out” AND YOU DUMB FUCKING MORONS IMMEDIATELY FELL FOR IT 

7:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 9.3k retweets | 11.9k likes

ROGER CROWELL GO F*** YOURSELF @juniebjones17

“OH LETS TRUST THE WE HATE GAY PEOPLE TEAM TO INVESTIGATE THE GAY PEOPLE THEYLL BE FAIR” THATS WHAT YOU PEOPLE SOUND LIKE

7:50 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 7.8k retweets | 10.8k likes

ROGER CROWELL GO F*** YOURSELF @juniebjones17

Hey @CalvinKlein are you still going to drop Shane Hollander for being hate crimed by the homophobic head of his homophobic sport or are you going to go back to pretending to be an ally you soulless fucks 

7:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 13.2k retweets | 15.1k likes

Darcy Major @dmajor987

okay but why is this the sweetest thing ever?? I didn’t get how they could like each other with all the animosity we’ve seen over the years but this kinda makes me see it

9.32 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 23.2k retweets | 30.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander sit side by side in a press conference before the 2011 All Stars’ Game.]

Many people got mad at my Shane on this day because he jump in and steal some of my questions. Call it unprofessional. Use it as another big example of rivalry. 

I was still not very good at English back then. I was very scared because I am very smart in Russian but would look stupid having to do press conference in English and understanding next to nothing. my Shane realized what was wrong and answered first so I do not look stupid. Would tap his foot against mine beneath the table so I would know not to be afraid. He was very embarrassed that day so I would not be. You all see rivalry but was just Shane taking care of person he did not even know so well yet 

7:30 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.7M retweets | 3.1M likes

the canadian wolf bird @gaylincoln

he speaks wolf bird 

8:09 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 708.2k retweets | 808.4k likes

margaret thatcher’s grave @account12987

im CRYING ilya rozanov implied that the nhl commissioner called shane hollander a slur and a fucking klaxon went off in calvin kleins pr department because they were still waiting to see if they should drop him  

8:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 17.1k retweets | 39.2k likes

calvinklein @CalvinKlein

Calvin Klein celebrates people of all sexual orientation. For many years, it has been a dedicated sponsor of The Trevor Project, the Transgender Law Center, and other LGBTQIA+ organizations for one simple reason: we want to help make a world where everyone is safe to love. 

The attacks on Calvin Klein’s longtime partner, @officialshanehollander, prove that we still have a long way to go. And until we get there, Calvin Klein will continue to proudly support the brave members of the LGBTQIA+ community who start the change. 

Captain, we’re with you. 

8:03 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 341.1k retweets | 557.2k likes

dave braxton @dave_braxton1

[Image 1: A screenshot of Google Search Analytics. It reflects that Google searches for “canadian wolf bird” have increased sharply in the last two hours.]

[Image 2: A screenshot of Google Search Analytics. It reflects that Google searches for “Shane Hollander glasses” have increased sharply in the last two hours.]

lol we are all asking the same questions huh

9:01 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 50.7k retweets | 63.2k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

@ilyarozanov81 Cap give us a sign if Hollander let you live 

9:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 221.2k retweets | 301.1k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

silence

9:32 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 75.4k retweets | 90.1k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

@therealhaydenpike Hey man are you still with them can you go see if your captain killed my captain 

9:35 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 113.4k retweets | 120.1k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

I would rather be shot five times in the head 

9:37 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 672.3k retweets | 753.4k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

oh

9:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 53.7k retweets | 61.2k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

OH

9:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 512.3k retweets | 678.9k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

@therealhaydenpike so are we like in laws now or…?

9:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 776.4k retweets | 801.9k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

god I hate my life 

9:40 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 331.2k retweets | 413.5k likes

Carter Jones @carterj17

you guys are so fucking gullible it’s ridiculous. If the nhl actually called those two a slur they’d have said so already. he’s just letting you idiots jump to conclusions so you’ll forget they’re both fuckign cheaters

10:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 32.3k retweets | 42.8k likes

Hollanov Wedding 2018 @branuarybrews19

everyone asking where @ilyarozanov81 disappeared to after he showed up and chucked grenades all over the place. guys he is off getting RAILED by his STRONG CANADIAN LOVER who FIGHTS WOLFBIRDS FOR HIM 

10:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 567.3k retweets | 670.8k likes

trumpet the harbor seal @account178426

nah if anyone’s doing the railing it’s rozanov  

10:31 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 613.4k retweets | 768.2k likes

trumpet the harbor seal @account178426

actually @therealhaydenpike settle this for us 

10:35 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 117.1k retweets | 348.7k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

I wish I was dead 

10:47 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 562.9k retweets | 781.6k likes

 

rose landry pls run me over @girltuesday

lmfao ultimate momager yuna hollander is out here trying to coordinate a social media comeback of historic proportions but russias greatest love machine WILL NOT climb off her son long enough for him to release his statement 

9:48 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 101.3k retweets | 231.8k likes

hollanov war draftsman @deletelater1789

So we won @CalvinKlein but what about @Reeboks and @Rolex?? I haven’t seen anything from them yet 

8:59 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 67 retweets | 81 likes

Fire Roger Crowell @rosiesrosies

@Reeboks is a MASSIVE NHL sponsor. The needle isn’t going to move for them until they’re absolutely sure. Comparatively, CalvinKlein has way less invested in the NHL and way more invested in the LGBTQ+ community. They’ve got entire pride lines (that i am #manifesting they will make Shane Hollander the face of so we get him back in his underwear model era) that they don’t want to lose. It makes sense for them to gamble hard and early on Hollander. Reeboks has way too much invested in the NHL to shift for anything short of doomsday  

9:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 891 retweets | 1.3k likes

hollanov war draftsman @deletelater1789

That makes sense. What about @Rolex? 

9:17 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 45 likes

Fire Roger Crowell @rosiesrosies

they know gay people can’t afford their watches

9:13 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 891 retweets | 1.3k likes

margaret thatcher’s grave @account12987

asdfghjkl; TARGET DOESNT EVEN SPONSOR EITHER OF THEM THEYRE JUST AFRAID OF ANOTHER BOYCOTT 

10:49 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 76.1k retweets | 89.2k likes

Target @target

Hockey is for everyone.   

9:14 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 111.1k | 198.3k likes

…

Shane Hollander

15 Dec 2012, 09:17

[Image: Two grapefruits sit on the kitchen table next to a pack of ginger ale.]

Stocked up on ginger ale and grapefruit. 

Any hope of seeing you soon?

That’s nice dad! 

Maybe. Been busy. Hopefully soon!

Love you. Try to get to bed early tonight if you can.

Thanks dad. Love you. 

…

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

shane finally gave me phone back. made me promise with very strong words to not tell whole world how I convinced him to give me phone. so I do not say.   

11:23 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 113.4k retweets | 120.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike

11:23 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 22.5k retweets | 29.1k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

WHY

11:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 7.5k retweets | 11.1k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

WHY WOULD YOU SEND THIS TO ME

11:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 9.5k retweets | 13.3k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander would you PLEASE put your man on a leash already???

11:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 15.5k retweets | 22.3k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Yes shane please do these things 

11:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 117.9k retweets | 130.2k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

OH EW

11:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 98.5k retweets | 117.8k likes

hollanov is my new personality @mandygrace137

FOUR HOURS???

11:37 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 25.7k retweets | 30.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

shane finally gave me phone back. made me promise with very strong words to not tell whole world how I convinced him to give me phone. so I do not say.   

11:23 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 113.4k retweets | 120.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

lol marleau is not allowed to have phone at all during concussion protocol because he is so bad at following it. Has to have phone off in locked drawer or coach will come to his house to kill him. where is joke I want to see it now 

11:35 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 157.7k retweets | 201.1k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

As many of you know, I collided with another player during Monday night’s game and had to be removed from the ice by medics. Thankfully, I was not seriously injured. I was treated at the hospital for concussion symptoms and released to home monitoring. In strict compliance with concussion protocols, I have had my phone turned off since.   1/6

5:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 17.9k retweets | 24.3k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Okay I have found it. Would have found it very funny because it is so wrong. my shane found me incredibly handsome and irresistible from first time we met even. do not know why this surprises people 

11:39 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 777.7k retweets | 908.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Read whole thing now. Cliff there is no way you wrote this is too good. your sister did this for you it is the only possible answer

11:41 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 302.4k retweets | 201.1k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

As many of you know, I collided with another player during Monday night’s game and had to be removed from the ice by medics. Thankfully, I was not seriously injured. I was treated at the hospital for concussion symptoms and released to home monitoring. In strict compliance with concussion protocols, I have had my phone turned off since.   1/6

5:19 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 17.9k retweets | 24.3k likes

 

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

@ilyarozanov81 CAP YOURE ALIVE 

11:38 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 19.1k retweets | 29.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Yes. Did not get teams messages. Had to leave very fast to catch last plane. Then had to get new phone with new everything because entire world decided to call at same time. Was wondering how you managed to lose game before it even started. Now I see. 

11:41 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 78.4k retweets | 94.3k likes

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander

@CMarleauRaiders He’s crying right now by the way. 

11:41 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 100.6k retweets | 178.3k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

This is terrible lie. Russians do not do these things. I do not know why my beautiful Shane would say such terrible lies about me on internet for whole world to see. 

11:42 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 113.2k retweets | 188.9k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

wow that’s so weird to hear  

11:42 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 28.3k retweets | 41.8k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

But good!! The teams happy for you both. We just weren’t expecting it. 

11:42 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 66.7k retweets | 99.1k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

Love wins.  

11:42 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 101.4k retweets | 130k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

oh my god can you please tell us how to contact you privately before I get canceled again the whole team really wants to talk to you 

11:43 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 88.7k retweets | 100k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Shane will find way to get new information to you. He is data security tsar. Very strict and has many rules. Turns out he was right about one or two things. We will never hear the end of it

11:50 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 500.9k retweets | 638.2k likes

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander

[Image: A screenshot of a statement on official stationery. It reads: 

Yesterday, my family suffered a data security breach that compromised my father’s bank accounts, social media accounts, and private messages. Since the breach, I have been working with specialists to help secure my father’s accounts and put a stop to the increasing attempts to steal his identity. I would like to express my deepest gratitude to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for their aid in protecting my father from further fraud.     

My parents are and always have been private citizens. Their privacy is something I have sought to preserve despite my position in the public eye. Because of his relationship with me, my father has become the victim of an unjustifiable invasion into his private life. I will not be reading any of the private messages released as a result of this breach. I ask the public and my fans to do the same. 

I am incredibly grateful to the friends and family who have stood by me as my family recovers from this violation. In particular, I am thankful to my friends, Scott Hunter and Hayden Pike, for being at my side when I needed it most. I am thankful to my parents for their unwavering love and support, and to my dear friend, Rose Landry, who has always been my biggest defender. 

Thank you to the public, Calvin Klein, and the members of the Boston Raiders who have spoken out on my behalf. I cannot put into words how much your support means to me. 

Most of all, thank you to my boyfriend, Ilya Rozanov. I have loved you in secret for almost ten years. Now, I’ll love you where the world can see.]

11:21 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.8M retweets | 3.7M likes

hollanov is my new personality @mandygrace137

THE TIMES NEW ROMAN FONT 

11:39 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 833 retweets | 1k likes

margaret thatcher’s grave @account12987

I thought he’d talk about the suspension?? ilya basically said outright that the nhl commissioner told them that this was because they were gay. But Shane didn’t even really bring it up??? 

11:44 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.5k retweets | 2.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Unlike me Shane is good boy who listens to andrea. Gets good grade in social media statement from legal team. Hi andrea I know you are mad at me please do not fire me as client. Will buy you even bigger more terrifying briefcase to hit your enemies with <3 <3 <3

11:51 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 788.9k retweets | 999.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Okay I have found it. Would have found it very funny because it is so wrong. my shane found me incredibly handsome and irresistible from first time we met even. do not know why this surprises people 

11:39 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 777.7k retweets | 908.1k likes

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander

When we first met, you were smoking in a non-smoking zone. That was the least attractive you have ever been to me. 

11:52 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 990.3k retweets | 1.1M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Least attractive is still very attractive, no? Even in Olympics someone must come last. 

11:52 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 888.3k retweets | 908.1k likes

here for the hollanov wars @draft27

STOP THEYRE ADORABLE TOGETHER 

11:59 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 800.5k retweets | 888.9k likes

    —> @rose_landry retweeted

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Okay I am in trouble again. Better go get out of trouble. Wish me luck internet ;) 

11:53 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 700k retweets | 1M likes

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander

Ilya, my parents can read these messages.

11:53 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 320.1k retweets | 401.9k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

I can read these messages jfc 

11:57 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 14.9k retweets | 19.3k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike is

For privacy reasons I can’t say where we are exactly but I can confirm I’m staying with them. Is there anyone in literally any part of Canada who will let me crash at their house instead I physically cannot do this  

11:57 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 128.5k retweets | 132.1k likes

Scott Hunter @scotthunterofficial

Can you make that room for two? •_•

11:58 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.3M retweets | 2.9M likes

hollanov is my new personality @mandygrace137

SCOTT HUNTER???

11:59 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 13.4k retweets | 21.3 likes

luca talks @lucah127

Somewhere in the Canadian wilderness gay nhl slumber party is happening tonight and hayden pike gets to be there instead of me. I cannot put into words the bone-liquifying jealousy I am experiencing right now 

12:01 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 115.1k retweets | 203.1k likes

…

Yuna Hollander

23 Oct 2016, 13:11

So do we think he reacted more to swedish prince or swedish princess?

…

The Shane Hollander Archives @hollanderarchive

[Video:  A younger Yuna Hollander stands on a frozen lake with a very young Shane Hollander on her hip. He is swaddled in a puffer coat and wearing a very small pair of skates. There is a tiny, boxy helmet on his head. 

From behind the camera, David Hollander says, “Yuna—”

“Just let him try,” insists Yuna. She skates over to a small plastic chair set up on the corner of the ice. “We’re right here if he falls.”

David sounds amused. “I think it’s recommended that you learn to walk before you learn to skate.”

“Yeah, well, our baby has skating in his blood.” Yuna slowly lowers Shane to the ice. He immediately starts sawing his feet back and forth with glee. She carefully helps him grab onto the plastic chair. “Besides he can hold himself up on a chair which is all he really—oh fuc—“

Holding himself up on the chair, Shane shoves across the ice like a rocket, shrieking with laughter. He makes it a good fifteen feet before Yuna catches up to him. 

She snatches him from the ice with a slightly scared expression. Shane just shrieks and claps his hands. 

“I—” Yuna laughs, a bit unsettled, and settles him back on her hip. “Was that fun, baby?”

Shane laughs and claps harder. 

David sounds shaken but amused. “He had a motor on him. Think we have a hockey player on our hands?”

“Our kid?” Yuna bounces him in her arms. “He’s gonna be the best hockey player in the whole world.”]

9:32 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 89.2k retweets | 111k likes

…

Our Boy

07 July 2017, 22:45

Спокойной ночи, сынок.

Dave?

Dave is this you? 

Yes

Just saying goodnight 

In Russian?

[Image: A screenshot of a four-day Duolingo streak. The user is learning Russian.]

Did I say it wrong? Yuna’s further in the lessons than I am. 

(She is very competitive but do not tell her I told you this.) 

You are both learning Russian?

We are. Not so good at it yet. Shane’s better so he’s helping us. 

We’re looking for a real Russian teacher but yuna thinks that yelp reviews are for aspiring con artists and unsuccessful street magicians so we can’t hire anyone until she finishes stalking the poor fellow

Shane?

Shane is learning Russian?

Oh I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.

It was supposed to be a surprise. 

Aw nuts Dave 

Is okay Dave.

I will keep secret. 

Спокойной ночи. 

Shane Hollander

07 July 2017, 22:45

Good night, son. 

Night dad. Love you 

Dad did you say something to him?

He’s crying. 

…

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to Rose Landry sitting in a lazy boy with her legs slung over its armrests. She appears to be in an open, brightly-lit house. She is laughing. 

“Wait, wai—” she wheezes. 

“Yeah, this is a fucking call out post for our sister, Rose Landry, who betrayed our entire fucking bloodline,” says the man holding the camera. He pivots the phone to reveal two tall, broad-shouldered blonde men standing next to him with their arms folded over their chest. They both glare at Rose with severe expressions. Both of them are wearing Detroit Red Hawks jerseys.

“Wait, wait,” insists Rose, still laughing. “What did I do wrong exactly?”

“You broke up with Shane Hollander!”

“Yeah,” says Rose, with a leading tone. “Because he was gay.”

The man behind the camera sounds unspeakably upset. “Yeah, and you didn’t give him our number!”

“That’s fucking basic wing-man behavior, Rose,” laments one of her brothers, from off-camera. 

Rose starts cackling madly again. 

When recovers enough to speak, she chokes out, “I, I’m sorry, I didn’t know any of you liked men. If you do I support you of cour—”

Her brothers let out a chorus of groans. 

“Oh my god,” says one. 

“I know it’s like she’s not even fucking trying to understan—”

“You do not have to be gay to be down bad for Shane Hollander,” says her brother, in the tone of someone who has explained this before. “That man is a universal constant. He transcends sexuality. Everyone is just a little bit in love with him.” 

“Or a lot,” says another brother. 

The third brother nods and claps approvingly. “Or a lot.”

Rose looks at them quizzically. “I’m not sure if that’s true…”

Her brothers immediately make identical sounds of disgust. 

One of them enters the frame. He puts his hands in front of him in a prayer position, then points them down towards Rose. 

“There are two kinds of people in this world who say that they are not attracted to Shane Hollander,” he says, as if he were explaining it to a child. “Lesbians, presumably—”

“Presumably lesbians,” agrees the brother holding the camera. 

“We don’t want to speak for them,” says her third brother, nodding. 

“—and people who are fucking lying to themselves.” Rose starts laughing again. “Those are the only two types, Rose. Why are you—”

He shakes his head at her, then storms off camera in disgust. When he turns, it reveals the back of his jersey has been customized to read, “HOLLANDER.” 

Rose sees it and laughs harder. 

Her brother reappears, holding a copy of Cosmopolitan next to his face. A shirtless Shane Hollander is on its cover. 

“Okay, okay, riddle me this,” he says, waving the magazine in her face. “Riddle me this. Are you telling me that someone’s honestly gonna turn down this man? Cosmopolitan’s Hottest Man in Hockey?  His body is a machine, Rose! A machine for playing hockey.”

“Science doesn’t even have that yet, Rose!”

“Science doesn’t have it because God gave it to us in Shane Hollander,” agrees the one with the magazine.  “And you think anyone out there is saying no to him?”

“I wouldn’t,” says one brother. The camera pans to focus on him. “If I knew, I would’ve been there, next day, with flowers, ready to serve my fucking country.”

“We could have gotten him to sign with Detroit.” The brother holding the magazine presses it to his head in abject agony. “Oh my God. We could have seduced him down here and Detroit would have won the Stanley Cup.” 

The thought of the loss sets her other two brothers off. 

“It’s like you don’t even fucking love us, Rose!”

“What the fuck are we supposed to do now, wait for them to become good? Rose, that’s never going to happen.” 

“Can I ask a question?” says Rose, audibly struggling not to laugh. She points to the magazine. “Can I—Why do you have that with you?”

“I have every single magazine that has ever done a cover feature with Shane Hollander on my person at all times, like a true fucking Hollander fan,” he replies, as if it were obvious. Rose chokes with laughter again. Her brother talks over her. “Just on the off-chance that I meet him in the street and can ask him to sign them. That’s fucking basic, Rose.” 

“We all do that, Rose,” agrees another brother. 

“But you’ve met him! You all had lunch that one time while I was stuck on set—”

“Yeah, and Mom swooped in and asked him to sign her copy first, and I couldn’t ask him too or it’d get fucking weird.” 

“What?” Rose bolts upright in horror. “Mom, you did not.”

From off-camera, a woman’s voice replies. Her words cannot be made out. 

Rose picks up a throw pillow and smashes it into her own face. “Mom, you did not.”

Rose’s mom’s feet enter the frame. The camera does not reveal her face. “He was very nice about it, honey.”

“You couldn’t have picked any other magazine?” screeches Rose, into the pillow.

“I didn’t think it’d be a big deal.” 

Rose flops backwards on the lazy boy, pillow still pressed to her face. 

The brother holding the camera remains unaffected. “Mom, your daughter robbed our family of its legacy, I hope you realize that.” 

Rose pushes the pillow aside enough to say, “I feel like I’ve done a thing or two for our family’s legacy.”

“How many Stanley Cups do you have, Rose?” he shouts. "Because Shane Hollander has two. Two! And he’s still in his fucking prime. He’s gonna win more!” 

To her right, one brother starts ticking off a list on his fingers. “You’ve betrayed us, you’ve betrayed our parents, you’ve betrayed America, you’ve betrayed the kids we could have had with hockey god Shane Hollander—” 

“What?” laughs Rose, incredulous. 

“For Shane Hollander, science would find a way.” He sounds convinced. “They’re probably working on it right now, Rose!” 

“Our kids would have been beautiful hockey legends.” Her third brother shakes his head, devastated with loss. “I would have carried his kids with pride. With pride—”

“He can’t do it,” agrees the brother holding the camera. “He’s too busy winning Stanley Cups.”

Her third brother buries his face in his hands. “We could have been Hollanders. Oh my God—we could have all been Hollanders—”

Rose pinches her nose between her fingers. “Guys, I don’t think we all—”

One of her brothers immediately throws his hands up in disgust. “That’s—you didn’t even listen to the debrief—”

Another brother talks over him. “We all filmed a debrief when you started dating Shane fucking Hollander and you didn’t even watch it, did you? Did you?” 

Rose is laughing too hard to reply. She shakes her head. 

“Unbelievable.”

“You’re unbelievabl—”

“Look,” says her third brother, clapping for emphasis. “If one of us lands the plane on the greatest hockey player of all time Shane Hollander, then we all get to be Hollanders, because that’s what it means to actually care about your family, Rose. We were all going to take his name.” 

From off-camera, one of them asks, “Is it too late to leave her at a fire station? I’m serious. I don’t think I can love her anymore.” 

Rose laughs so hard that she almost falls off the chair. The video ends.]

rose landry • 14 Jan 2018

I thought I’d talk a little bit more about my relationship with Shane now that he’s gotten the chance to speak. I asked my brothers if they had any ideas about what I should say. They had some strong opinions on it.

Shane, I’m so glad you sat down across from me in that bar. You are the (platonic) love of my life, my best friend, my biggest fan, and, of course, my favorite hockey player. Ilya is the luckiest man alive to have stolen your heart. 

(And if he ever forgets that, well… my brothers are available.) 

ilyarozanov81 I want restraining order against whole landry family

…

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

Okay so now that the secret is officially out about Rozanov being Shane’s boyfriend I can finally do what I’ve wanted to do since the day Shane told me: find him a better boyfriend.  

10:43 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 877k retweets | 1M likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

Qualifications:

• Must be a man. 
• Must like other men. 
• Cannot be Ilya Rozanov. 

Please fill out a short survey here to apply. 

10:43 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 3.3M retweets | 4.9M likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike delete this immediately 

10:49 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 567.3k retweets | 555.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

everyone stop applying he is taken he is taken by me

10:49 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 590k retweets | 660.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike I will fill out stupid survey anyway and I will win there too because no one is better for my shane

10:49 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 880k retweets | 900k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike you are the worst pike and I will tell Jackie 

10:51 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 321k retweets | 440.5k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike I will help Jackie start new life with better more attractive man who will raise your 17 children for you 

10:56 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 117.6k retweets | 232k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

everyone do not fill out the survey is evil if you do this and I will find you 

11:32 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 112.7k retweets | 127.8k likes

Yes I’m That Kip Grady @kippitydooda

Hey @therealhaydenpike this link isn’t working anymore can you post a new one 

12:34 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.1M retweets | 1.7M likes

Scott Hunter @scotthunterofficial

Kip????

12:36 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 782.1k retweets | 810k likes

…

hollanover reblogged hollanover

hollanover

PLEASE go on twitter right now one of Shane Hollanders friends is soliciting applications to be Shane’s new boyfriend and I think ilya rozanov is about to burn the building down with them both inside 

hollanover

im sorry I forgot i was on the mean gay person site here’s the application link you insufferable whores

86,754 Notes

#hollanov #im crying #guys it is NOT my fault if the application link breaks it isn’t mine #i think too many people are applying and it’s crashing the site

betterdinosaurbirthday reblogged holl(anov)&oats

holl(anov)&oats

You know one or two things make so much more sense now that we know those two were fucking this whole time 

holl(anov)&oats

yes im talking about the gay hockey players who else would I be talking about. do you think i will talk about anything else ever again   

holl(anov)&oats

so for those who don’t know in hockey whenever a fight breaks out you’re supposed to just grab a member of the other team and just sort of stand there hugging so no one dogpiles the two fighting. the nhl decided to call this very heterosexual thing in their very heterosexual sport, I shit you not, “tying your man up” or being “dance partners.” and uh. It’s been a running joke for oh. seven or eight years or so that Ilya Rozanov will not let anyone else tie up Shane Hollander on pain of fucking death

[A link to a YouTube video entitled “rozanov hollander dance partner best moments.” 

The video opens to a Boston v. Montreal game from 2010. On the ice, a fight breaks out between Hayden Pike and a member of the Boston team.

ANNOUNCER 1: “Gloves hit the ice and—oooh. That’s gotta hurt.”

ANNOUNCER 2: “Wait, what’s Rozanov doing?”

The camera zooms in to follow Ilya Rozanov, who is on the other side of the ice from the fight. All at once, he turns on his heel and starts sprinting to the other side of the ice. 

ANNOUNCER 2: “We may have Rozanov throwing himself into the mix here.” 

ANNOUNCER 1: “It’ll be a penalty if he does, but anyone who’s seen Rozanov play knows that’s not much of a deterrent for him.” 

ANNOUNCER 2: “Wait is he—” The announcer starts laughing. “No, he was just heading for Hollander.” 

On the ice, Shane Hollander skates calmly over to Ryan Price, arms slightly opened. Right before they reach each other, Rozanov skates between them, sweeping Hollander into his arms. They spin a half-rotation before stopping. Rozanov is grinning madly. Hollander looks annoyed. 

ANNOUNCER 1, laughing: “We may see another fight start in a couple seconds.”

ANNOUNCER 2, also laughing: “People who have been following these two’s rookie seasons know that they’ve already got a pretty heated rivalry.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “Rozanov really said—“

ANNOUNCER 2: “Rozanov can’t miss an opportunity to get under Hollander’s skin, I’ll say.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “Rozanov really said, ‘I gotta go tie my man up.’”

The video cuts to another game. Hayden Pike throws himself onto two other players and starts punching. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “I think we’re seeing the start of a fight—“ He starts to laugh. “Quick, where’s, someone get a camera on Rozanov and Hollander.” 

The camera pans to Rozanov and Hollander just in time to catch them glide demurely into each other’s arms. 

ANNOUNCER 2: “You know, this is starting to be a tradition in their games.”

The video cuts to another game. Hayden Pike punches a Boston player in the face repeatedly while Hollander stands to the side and watches. Rozanov calmly skates up and slings an arm around his shoulders. Hollander wraps one arm around his back. 

The crowd starts cheering. Hollander glances around, alarmed and confused. Rozanov grins madly and leans over to whisper something in his ear. Hollander flushes bright red.

ANNOUNCER 1: "Hollander does not look happy."

ANNOUNCER 2: "No one knows how to get him worked up like Rozanov."

The video cuts to another game. Gilbert Comeau gets into a fight with Brad Hammersmith. 

The announcers immediately start laughing. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Alright you know what this means.” 

ANNOUNCER 2, wheezing: “Where’s, where’s—”

On the ice, Rozanov takes off like a bullet. On the other side of the rink, Cliff Marleau and Shane Hollander are about to grab each other. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Oh, he may not make it this time—”

ANNOUNCER 2: “Rozanov does not like other men tying his man up.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “No he does not.”

Right before Marleau reaches Hollander, Rozanov tugs him backwards by the back of his jersey. He pulls Marleau away and shoves him roughly into Hayden Pike. Pike’s legs go out from under him. Marleau catches him clumsily by his armpits and almost goes down with him. 

Rozanov sweeps Hollander into his manful embrace with a smug grin. The crowd goes wild. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “AND HE MAKES IT.” 

The camera zooms in slowly on Hollander’s face. He looks annoyed. 

ANNOUNCER 2, chuckling: “Say what you will about Rozanov but he is a dedicated dance partner.” 

The video cuts to another game. A fight breaks out on the ice between Hayden Pike and Ryan Carmichael. Watching this, Hollander rests one hand on Brad Hammersmith’s shoulder. 

The crowd immediately starts booing. Hammersmith looks confused. Hollander buries his face in his free hand. 

Rozanov skids to a stop, aghast. He glares murderously at Hammersmith, who has his back to him, oblivious. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Uh oh, trouble on the ice.”

ANNOUNCER 2: “I think this is the first time ever that Rozanov hasn’t managed to steal Hollander for a dance.” 

Without taking his eyes off them, he snags a nearby J.J. Dagenais by the collar and pulls him over to Hollander and Hammersmith. The crowd starts cheering. 

Hammersmith glances back and sees Rozanov. Rozanov pointedly jerks his head back. 

With a grin, Hammersmith relents, removing Hollander’s hand from his shoulder and skating away. Hollander stares after him with open consternation. 

As Hammersmith locks arms with Dagenais, Rozanov daintily places his hands on Hollander’s waist with a shit-eating grin. The crowd starts to hoot and whistle. 

In the background, Hayden Pike is getting dragged around the ice in a headlock. 

The video cuts again. A fight breaks out between Hayden Pike and Cliff Marleau. Hollander is on the ice. Rozanov is on the bench. 

Rozanov bolts to his feet and tries to wave Hollander over. Hollander looks at him and shakes his head.

The crowd immediately starts to chat, “Hollander, Hollander, Hollander—“

Hollander is trying to shout something back. It looks like, “He’s not even playing.” 

The chanting grows louder. 

Hollander stares directly at the ceiling. He shakes his head. Then, he relents and skates towards the Raiders’ bench.

The applause is thunderous. 

With open exasperation, Hollander reaches over the wall and takes Rozanov’s outstretched hand. He stares directly ahead with a dead expression, not looking at Rozanov. 

Rozanov’s free hand thrusts upwards in victory. The stadium roars. 

The announcers laugh. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “That Hollander’s a good sport.” 

The video cuts again. Hayden Pike’s gloves hit the ice. He starts trading punches with Ryan Carmichael. To his left, Shane Hollander starts glancing around for a dance partner. 

Cliff Marleau and Connor Connors immediately skate away from him, hands up, a bemused smile on their faces. 

The crowd starts to cheer. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Alright, people, time for a fan favorite.” 

Ilya Rozanov skates towards Hollander leisurely, high-fiving his teammates as he skates. He stops a few feet in front of Hollander and holds his arms wide in welcome. 

The crowd starts to chant Hollander’s name. 

Shaking his head, Hollander skates into Rozanov’s arms as the cheers grow louder. He wraps his arms around Rozanov’s neck. 

With an exasperated look, Hollander kicks up his left foot behind him, as if popping his foot. 

The crowd roars. 

ANNOUNCER 2, laughing: “That’s the great thing about Hollander and Rozanov—they never let their personal feelings get in the way of putting on a good show.” 

The camera lingers on Rozanov and Hollander talking on the ice. Their words cannot be made out. They look like they’re about to kiss.

ANNOUNCER 1: “Two great sportsmen, right there.” 

The video ends.]

holl(anov)&oats

To all the people asking if there’s ever been a fight where Rozanov didn’t get to Tie His Man Up: Yes!

[Image: A still from a Montreal v. Boston match. Shane Hollander is laid out on the ice, surrounded by medics. Ilya Rozanov stands a few feet away from them, face twisted in anguish. In the corner of the frame, Hayden Pike is punching Cliff Marleau in the face.]

Any other questions?

umamedowntown

why is this pike guy so angry

holl(anov)&oats

he’s an ally

101,576 Notes

#hollanov #OH SO IT WAS GAY GAY #hayden pike started so many fights so his bestie could cuddle his bf on the ice #headcanon accepted #STOP how have they gotten away with this for so long #ALSO THE LAST IMAGE #im sobbing poor ilya #pov the love of your life gets fuckin bodied into the ice in front of you and you can’t even react #theyve been in love for SEVEN YEARS guys it’s been SEVEN YEARS and they couldn’t tell ANYONE #jfc this is the greatest love story of all time #where the fuck is the movie #rose Landry can even play herself

hollantertruther

guys we have got to get dave hollander on this website 

17,325 Notes

#hollanov #like stop why is Shane’s dad low key an icon #he is so funny #dave please come here #hes on my dream bong rotation  

fuckyoudinsosaurbirthday reblogged porcupinedaydreams

porcupinedaydreams

the sheer panic around Shane Hollander’s wellbeing that was tearing through this hellsite for the past 48 hours like the iceberg that took out the titanic is UNIMAGINABLY FUNNY now that we know he was totally fine he was just so busy getting put through a mattress by his hot Russian hockey player boyfriend that he didn’t even know that people thought he was dead 

59,101 Notes

#hollanov #HE WAS GETTING RAILED #seeing the Ilya/shane top v. bottom discourse on Twitter is so funny #GUYS WE KNOW WHOS ON BOTTOM #do you think Shane Hollander knows that he has been impregnated by the entire nhl on ao3 

disneypixarswhorebitch reblogged hollantertruther

hollantertruther

guys we have got to get dave hollander on this website 

disneypixarswhorebitch

every other post on my dash this morning has been fanart of his son sucking off another man if anything we need a restraining order 

17,329 Notes

#hollanov #DO NOT LET DAVE HOLLANDER ON THIS SITE #ARE YOU BITCHES INSANE #YES he is an icon YES I want to smoke weed with him #if dave Hollander gets on this site we all have to leave it #you absolute freaks cannot handle a legend like dave 

…

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike is stupidest handle ever. as if anyone cares enough about Hayden pike to be the fake Hayden pike  

12:47 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 113.4k retweets | 120.5k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

If @therealhaydenpike was any slower on skates we would call him scott hunter 

12:51 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 321.3k retweets | 440.6k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike’s kids like me better than him 

1:07 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 113.3k retweets | 117.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@therealhaydenpike cries into own pillow at night because he will never be me

1:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 97.3k retweets | 100k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: A screenshot of an Etsy receipt for a “Extremely Strong REVENGE Hex.” The user paid $15.00.] 

@therealhaydenpike have taken matters into own hands

2:39 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 670k retweets | 801.4k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

what the fuck is this???

4:14 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 15.9k retweets | 22.7k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

do not worry pike one day even you will learn to read 

4:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 23k retweets | 35k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander

4:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 47.5k retweets | 93k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander

4:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.5k retweets | 2k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander

4:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1k retweets | 2.7k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander

4:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 907 retweets | 1.8k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

do not bring him into this

4:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 37.9k retweets | 55k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander

4:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 18.9k retweets | 25.6k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

you are like child who tattles to mama

4:16 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 77.1k retweets | 101.8k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander

4:16 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.3k retweets | 7.8k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander

4:16 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 2.4k retweets | 3.1k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander your freak of a man hired a witch WOULD YOU PLEASE INTERVENE

4:17 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 228.9k retweets | 337.8k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Shane is not the boss of me

4:18 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 678.9k retweets | 777.8k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander 

4:18 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 2.4k retweets | 3.1k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander 

4:18 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 2.1k retweets | 3.8k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

This does not scare me hayden pike 

4:19 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 550.4k retweets | 600k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

oh no he is calling

4:21 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 700.3k retweets | 890.4k likes

Yes I’m That Kip Grady @kippitydooda

@therealhaydenpike @ilyarozanov81 you good guys???

5:43 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 130.1k retweets | 267.8k likes

Yes I’m That Kip Grady @kippitydooda

guys??

6:02 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 330.1k retweets | 500.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

I am very sorry for hiring witch to curse boyfriend’s stupid friend. Was wrong of me to do, especially when friend is little baby girl who is afraid of such things

7:14 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 770.9k retweets | 903.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: A screenshot of an Etsy receipt for a “Protection/Curse-Breaking Spell.” The user paid $10.00.] 

Was too late to cancel curse so I have purchased blessing to balance things out 

7:14 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 550.1k retweets | 698.1k likes

patrice parkinson @ppark67

there is still $5 worth of curse on hayden pike

9:11 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 113.7k retweets | 232.1k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

I am very sorry for trying to find my best friend in the whole world a better man even though the one he has is garbage. Thank you to the 3.2 million of you who applied but Shane will not be considering any of your applications at this time. 

7:14 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 557.8k retweets | 880.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

3.2 MILLION

7:18 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 125.1k retweets | 190.6k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

should have cursed you more 

7:19 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 98.3k retweets | 100k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

@officialshanehollander 

7:19 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 17.9k retweets | 22.8k likes

Chapter End Notes

shane's fine lol he was just dealing with his dad experiencing every type of identity theft at the same time

Chapter 4: 01.14.18-01.15.18

Chapter Notes

the other half of the internet while ilya beat hoes off his man

The New York Admirals @NYAdmirals

The New York Admirals will take to the ice as scheduled tomorrow night at 7:30 P.M. EST. Please see the official website for more details. 

9:08 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes

…

Scott Hunter

12 June 2017, 09:13

Sorry I missed you last night. Thanks for your message, Dave. It meant a lot.  

It’s what you’ve done that’s meant a lot to a lot of people out there. 

And I don’t mean to overstep 

I played hockey myself back in university 

I know how it can be

You gonna be okay with that team of yours?

To be honest, there’s a lot of teams in the League where I’d be worried. Luckily the Admirals isn’t one of them. I’ll be fine. 

Glad to hear it 

Happy to know that there are teams out there like that

…

lusciousplums reblogged backyardigansbutgood

backyardigansbutgood

“oh me oh my why didnt the admirals stand up to the nhl” you dumb whores they are the nhl

backyardigansbutgood

talking to you people is like having to explain that Santa isn’t real to an emotionally unstable first grade class on endless loop. okay. 

There is no secret shadow lord of the nhl. like. there sort of is because Roger Crowell is the fucking worst but it’s not like he just sits in his dark palace giving out edicts of malicious design and throwing darts at a picture of david hollander. 

He doesn’t have some absolute stranglehold on the NHL. He couldn’t have done something like this on his own. The teams are backing him.

First off—an nhl hockey team is not its players. it’s just not. Every last one of those fuckers can be replaced or traded or blacklisted. Being a professional athlete is the closest thing we have to being sold to one direction. You can be the most dedicated player on the team and still one day you may wake up and find out that fuckin’ Seattle bought you so pack your shit and leave your jersey at the door because your new owners need you by next week. None of those guys you see on the rink makes decisions for the actual team. 

Every single one of those teams is owned by some bored  billionaire or conglomerate whatever who bought that team as the upper echelon’s version of an investment property. They are the landlords and the players are just the schmucks who could get evicted from the property if they paint the walls without asking. 

Every single team’s owner gets a position on something called the Board of Governors. 32 teams. 32 governors. They employ the Commissioner to act as a sort of CEO. But the actual owners with the real power are the teams themselves. They can hire the commissioner and if they want they can fire him. The commissioner has a lot of power but it’s not absolute. 

Crowell went after the three biggest stars in the entire fucking League. He has Rose Landry Queen of the Most Psychopathic Fanbase In Existence coming after him with a boycott. A potential strike is brewing. There is absolutely no way that the NHL board of governors didnt convene over this. If this is still happening, it means that the board of governors approved it.  

Now, maybe some of them voted against this and got outvoted. That doesn’t mean they’re going to fucking break ranks with the rest of the NHL. If one team did that and lost, the rest of the board could potentially force them to sell their team. 

So no. The New York Admirals is not be gay david standing up to hockey Goliath. Because the team, the actual intellectual property that is the name the New York Admirals, those guys are hockey Goliath. They are not going to hit themselves in the head with a rock. I don’t care how many times they tweeted hockey is for everyone after Scott Hunter came out. 

I don’t know what else to tell you. the promise ring meant nothing. The ny admirals werent really going to marry you they just wanted to fuck you. selling you rainbow jerseys for $300 pre-tax with the words “the gayest team in the nhl” on them did not make them #allies. They didn’t really want you to have rights; they just wanted your money. 

So for Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, and Scott Hunter to win this, they don’t just have to beat Roger Crowell. They have to beat the ownership of every single team in the NHL. 

thedreamofmillions

oh

backyardigansbutgood

Yep.

807 Notes

#nhl boycott #do I want gay david to kill hockey goliath YES OF COURSE I DO #but will they??? #their odds are not great #<prev tags #neither were David’s  

…

Hank Watches Hockey @hockeyhank

Ilya Rozanov, planning on how he’s going to throw the game with his secret boyfriend: okay so first we wait until it’s the playoffs and we force the game into three overtimes and your goalie leaves the net and then I’m going to run the puck the entire length of the rink and dodge four of your teammates to score and then you’re going to catch the puck midair with your stick and fire it back the ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE RINK and become the only person in nhl history to score a goalie goal without actually being a goalie. you know. so we can cheat. 

Shane Hollander: no that’s too obvious. Why don’t I toss in a three foot vertical leap over your collapsed teammate just to throw people off about how we need to cheat to win

[Video: A clip from the official broadcast of Game 7 of the 2015 playoffs. The Boston and  Metros face off in the TD Garden arena. The score is tied 4-4. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “And we are back and going into our third overtime.”

ANNOUNCER 2: “Fans are looking pretty restless.” 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Well it’s been a hell of a game. Course, it always is when you’ve got Hollander and Rozanov sharing the ice.”

The camera zooms in on Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov facing off in the center of the rink. The puck drops. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “And Rozanov wins the face off.” 

ANNOUNCER 2: “He does not want to give up the title this year.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “And anyone who’s been following Shane Hollander’s career knows that there’s no one on the ice who wants to take it from him more.” 

On the rink, the Metros and the Raiders fight fiercely for possession of the puck. Several minutes pass without a goal. 

ANNOUNCER 2: “This is outstanding.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “I know, it’s—“

ANNOUNCER 2: “For the second period straight, coaches from both teams have decided not to switch their lines.” 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Oh, they’re switching, Jim. They’re just not switching out Rozanov or Hollander.” 

ANNOUNCER 2: “Hell of a gamble to wear out your best players on a third overtime.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “It’s a gamble but it may just pay off. I don’t think either team wants to pull one and leave the other unchecked on the ice. Not when we’re in sudden death.” 

ANNOUNCER 2: “This may be the most high stakes game of chicken I’ve ever seen.” 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Well if Hollander or Rozanov are feeling it, it doesn’t show.” 

ANNOUNCER 2: “No it does not. These two men have been dominating the rink tonight. We’re seeing two titans facing off, and neither is going down easy.” 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Wait, what’s this—“

ANNOUNCER 2: “Something’s happening on the Montreal bench.”

One camera zooms in slowly on Montreal Metros’ Coach Theriault. He gives a nod. 

On the ice, the Metros’ goalie breaks from the net. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Oh my God, we’ve got—”

ANNOUNCER 2, talking over him: “I didn’t see that comin—”

ANNOUNCER 1: “The Metros goalie has left the net.”

ANNOUNCER 2: “That’s probably the biggest gamble we’ve seen all game—especially with Rozanov on the ice.” 

ANNOUNCER 1: “The Metros are looking to end it.”

ANNOUNCER 2: “Looks like Rozanov had the same idea. He’s got the puck—”

On the ice, Rozanov snatches the puck out from under J.J. Dagenais right before he’s able to send it into the Raiders’ net. He turns sharply and charges towards the unattended Metros’ goal, weaving masterfully past Patrice Drapreau in the process.

ANNOUNCER 1: “ROZANOV’S TAKING IT ALL THE WAY.”

Hayden Pike and Gilbert Cormeau both bolt frantically towards Rozanov in an attempt to intercept him. With a twist of his stick, he shoots the puck past them, weaves through the narrow gap between their bodies, and comes out the other side in time to reclaim the puck. 

From the opposite side of the rink, Hollander barrels after him.

ANNOUNCER 2: “HOLLANDER’S ON HIS TAIL.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “I’m not sure if even Shane Hollander is fast eno—“

Rozanov rears his stick back to shoot. Hollander charges forward to intercept. Before he can get there, Cliff Marleau trips and falls on the ice in front of him. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “THIS MAY BE GAME—”

Hollander’s skates leave the ice. 

He jumps over Marleau’s prone body, landing hard on his left foot. As it starts to give out under him, he throws his stick up just in time to catch the puck on its blade before it passes the goal line. 

ANNOUNCER 2: “IS HE—“

Hollander pivots his body hard and whips the puck back towards the Raiders’ goal. It soars across the entire rink’s length like a rocket and slams into the corner of the net. The Raider’s goalie looks behind himself in shock. 

The crowd explodes. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.”

Hollander’s leg gives out. He lands hard on the ice. The camera zooms in on his face. He looks stunned. 

In the stands, the audience begins to scream his name. 

ANNOUNCER 2: “WHAT WAS THAT? WAS THAT—DO WE EVEN CALL THAT A GOALIE GOAL?”

ANNOUNCER 1: “I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M GONNA CALL THAT HISTORY. THAT WAS—“

Hollander tries to clamber to his feet. Before he can fully stand, his teammates swarm him. 

ANNOUNCER 2: “You should feel it in the stadium tonight. It’s—”

ANNOUNCER 1: “Oh it’s electric.”

ANNOUNCER 2, laughing: “Shane Hollander is not a popular man in Boston but I don’t think there’s anyone here who isn’t cheering for him right now.” 

Hollander stands at the center of his teammates, grinning madly. Pike has both arms thrown around him and is shaking him back and forth. Dagenais is scuffing his helmet in excitement. Cormeau has one arm thrown around his shoulders and is pounding him on the chest. Every single one of them is smiling. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Well, there may be one person.” 

One of the cameras  pans to focus on Rozanov, who is helping Marleau up from the ice. He isn’t looking at him. His stares after Hollander with a heated expression. 

Behind him, Victor St-Simon skates up and pats him consolingly on the back. Rozanov shakes his head. He claps a few times slowly, still staring after Hollander. There’s a wry look on his face.]

10:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes

snakes @assdfght

wait what 

11:34 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 13.7k retweets | 32k likes

darryl green @dargreen

im sorry which one of them is supposed to be the one that was trying to lose 

11:59 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 99.1k retweets | 140k likes

Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank

@dargreen Legitimately I think that most of the people I’ve seen who buy into the NHL’s bullshit excuse don’t actually watch hockey. Because “they had an undisclosed personal conflict” sounds real enough to make you think maybe there’s something to it, but it completely falls apart if you have even a baseline awareness of the crazy bullshit Hollander and Rozanov have been pulling against each other on the ice. All of their games are like this by the way. 

12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.1M retweets | 1.9M likes

-> @scotthunterofficial, @kippitydooda @therealhaydenpike, @rose_landry, @CMarleauRaiders, and @thehockeysaint retweeted

 

the noble potato @burner1349

Hey @Carter_Vaughn are you gonna say anything about Scott Hunter calling a strike that you’re not bothering to join??? No? Aren’t you two supposed to be best friends or something??

8:02 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 19 retweets | 34 likes

the noble potato @burner1349

How about you @JJDagenais?? You gonna talk about how the rest of your team stabbed your friend in the back and you stuck with them??? or are you too busy living it up as their captain now that shanes out of your way

8:07 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 11 retweets | 27 likes

Tatum McGee @tmc_gee

As someone who didn’t watch hockey before this but who spent time with people who watched hockey this hollanov thing is SO FUNNY. for the past seven years every single hockey fan I know has been like “I may be a straight man but I’d pay real american dollars just to lick the sweat off Shane Hollander” and you’re mad at Ilya rozanov for actually doing it??? it’s hard to see other people living your dream ig

10:49 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 13.1k retweets | 17.9k likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

It is but I try to bear it with grace 

1:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 82.1k retweets | 101k likes

Tatum McGee @tmc_gee

SIR YOU NEED TO STOP ILYA ROZANOV’S GONNA TAKE A HIT OUT ON YOU

1:59 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 32.3k retweets | 78k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander sit side by side in a press conference before the 2011 All Stars’ Game.]

Many people got mad at my Shane on this day because he jump in and steal some of my questions. Call it unprofessional. Use it as another big example of rivalry. 

I was still not very good at English back then. I was very scared because I am very smart in Russian but would look stupid having to do first ever press conference in English and understanding next to nothing. my Shane realized what was wrong and answered first so I do not look stupid. Would tap his foot against mine beneath the table so I would know not to be afraid. He was very embarrassed that day so I would not be. You all see rivalry but was just Shane taking care of person he did not even know so well yet 

7:30 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.7M retweets | 3.1M likes

jake @j_ash1

So this post sent me down a rabbit hole because I remember this. we eviscerated Shane Hollander for this when it happened. I remember being pissed because it came off as so disrespectful and petty. I could not BELIEVE this was him trying to help Ilya Rozanov. And with everything I’ve been seeing online I don’t know what to believe anymore so I decided to go rewatch this interview. And guys. 

I don’t know if there ever was a rivalry. 

11:13 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 10.9k retweets | 17.5k likes

jake @j_ash1

I pull up a clip of this on YouTube and the first thing that hits me is how weird this all is. They’re both rookies. Neither of them are the captain of their teams. And this was hyped up as the biggest interview coming out of all stars weekend. It got the prime time coverage spot. They were running promos for days leading up to it. 

For anyone who hasn’t watched all stars,  it’s pretty rare to even have rookies on the main all stars team. Like, sometimes the NHL will feature rookies at some point during the weekend to showcase up-and-coming talent but won’t give them a spot in the main game. It’s fucking weird that these two are here at all. But to have them do an interview like this? This should have been their team captains. 

11:15 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 93k retweets | 107k likes

jake @j_ash1

Less then five seconds into the clip and the announcer says, “the theme for this year is team Hollander versus team Rozanov” and then laughs and says it’s really team North America v team Europe and then both of the announcers start joking about how it was all such an unsubtle effort by the nhl to get these two back in each others faces bc they don’t miss an opportunity for that. And guys??? They’re definitely not wrong. 

11:16 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 32.7k retweets | 67k likes

jake @j_ash1

All star players aren’t supposed to compete in every all stars event. Before this happened the nhl changed the fucking rules of all stars weekend so they could shove Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov in every single event. Not even Scott Hunter was in every event and he had been the biggest star in the league for the last ten years atp. I can’t remember there being more than fifteen minutes of broadcast that they didn’t manage to shoehorn one of those two into. The NHL 100% made the theme of this weekend “those two rookies who normally wouldn’t even be invited.”

11:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 127.1k retweets | 201.9k likes

jake @j_ash1

Thirteen seconds in and it’s immediately apparent that Rozanov is struggling. He has long pauses after every question. Most of his answers are one word. He’s really good at playing it off though. It seems obvious now that we have other interviews with him and we can see how he acted after his English improved but back then it sorta seemed like he was doing a “cool silent type” thing and we all ate it up. 

11:18 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 79.6k retweets | 99.4k likes

jake @j_ash1

Twenty seconds in and all I can think about is how poorly this event is set up?? I speak two languages and learning a second language is fucking hard, guys. Even if you know what a word is, a lot of the time you need the audio to be really clear to understand it while you’re still learning. Things like different accents, background noise, slurred speech—they all throw you off so badly. It took me 10x longer to understand music in my second language because everything else going on in the background makes comprehension a nightmare even if you theoretically know all the words  

11:19 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 115.1k retweets | 278k likes

jake @j_ash1

The NHL got the worlds shittiest most staticky microphones for this event. There’s a bunch of people whispering over each other in the background. They’ve got a million lights pointed straight in these boys’ eyes so rozanov can’t even read their lips to help himself. 

They could have given him an earpiece hooked up to the audio so he could hear it clearly. Better, they could have given him an earpiece hooked up to an actual interpreter so he could at least fully understand the question even if he still needed to answer in English. They didn’t give this boy ANYTHING and the reporters are no help. I swear to god every single question is so long and convoluted that it takes like fifteen seconds to get out. 

11:20 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 250.1k retweets | 375.6k likes

jake @j_ash1

Forty-three seconds in and it is SO OBVIOUS that Shane Hollander is helping Rozanov out that I feel stupid for not seeing it back then. You can definitely see Rozanov’s eyes dart to Hollander multiple times before he jumps in on a question. And Hollander keeps watching Rozanov out of the corner of his eye to see if he needs help. Half of Rozanov’s answers are some variation of “what he said” or a rephrase of the answer Hollander just gave. Rozanov is 100% telling the truth this entire press conference went down the way it did because the nhl hung rozanov out to dry and Hollander stepped up to help him 

11:22 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes

jake @j_ash1

A minute and thirteen seconds in and some of the press are getting frustrated at Hollander for jumping in on so many questions. They keep specifying that they want Rozanov to answer. He’s still doing it. He looks so stressed but he’s still doing it.  

11:23 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 111.1k retweets | 175.7k likes

jake @j_ash1

Shane Hollander had one of the cleanest images in hockey before the leak. this press conference triggered the closest thing he ever had to a scandal before right now. He ended up issuing a public apology for “unsportsmanlike conduct.” And all he was doing was fixing a problem the nhl caused by sticking some 19 year old kid who only started learning English 2 years prior in front of a press scrum with no interpretive services. And the only reason why he had to do the press conference to begin with was because the nhl was so freakishly obsessed with them that they modeled all star weekend around them

11:23 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 276.9k retweets | 350.3k likes

jake @j_ash1

I honestly don’t think you can understand the unprecedented amount of hype that the nhl leadership poured into the Hollander/Rozanov rookie season unless you were watching back then. The nhl was kind of dead before their draft. Scott Hunter was on another dry spell. there weren’t any other standout players. The goal per game averages had been majorly down for years. Like straight up we all call the time before rozanov and Hollander the dead puck era because that’s how fucking dead hockey was. iirc the nhl was rumored to be in financial trouble because of how low public interest had dropped 

11:25 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 300.1k retweets | 401.6k likes

jake @j_ash1

Then these two fucking kids in junior leagues start making such big waves that they end up both getting pretty major followings before the draft. Hollander and Rozanov were the most talked about prospects on the planet in at least ten years. The NHL had their sights locked on these two as the saviors of hockey months before their rookie season and they did not hold back on the promos 

11:26 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 101.2k retweets | 203.6k likes

jake @j_ash1

They made both of them the faces of CCM. They forced them to film that stupid ad of them charging each other and then they put that ad on the Jumbotron during every game in the entire league. They had them on posters facing off on the walls of every nhl official store. The NHL official website had a running point counter of just rozanov and Hollanders goals for the season on their home page so everyone could follow along with their “ongoing face off.” Like we called it rivalry fever and it was one of the most exciting seasons that I can remember

11:28 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 157.8k retweets | 232.9k likes

jake @j_ash1

I know we’re all talking about how this is an epic romance or whatever but honestly the more I think about it it sounds like they were trapped in a fucking horror movie. 

11:29 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 300.5k retweets | 397.6k likes

jake @j_ash1

Imagine you’re 18 and you’re both hundreds of miles from home. One of you barely speaks the language. You fall in love and you can’t tell anyone because no one will understand. 

Then suddenly you’re swept up in a billion dollar machine that’s decided you’re the most important cog in its works. They put your name on tshirts they shove you in front of cameras they model their all stars weekend around your existence. And that billion dollar machine decides that you have to fucking hate the person you fell in love with. And if anyone finds out youll be separated forever and one of you will be sent back to a country where your existence is illegal and you’ll probably be killed. 

So you just. Go with it. What other choice do you have?

11:31 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 497.1k retweets | 582.5k likes

jake @j_ash1

I’m not going to lie—I was a little pissed when I found out. Because I'd been peddled rivalry bullshit for the last seven years and I felt like I’d been hustled. But the more I think about it the more I think the nhl put a fucking gun to their head and told them to dance for the cameras. 

11:33 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 52.2k retweets | 93k likes

jake @j_ash1

Players don’t get a commission on any of their official merch btw. Every single cent of that rivalry bullshit went straight into the NHL’s pockets. I didn’t know that until this morning. Because everyone was making it sound like Hollander and Rozanov were both cutting fat checks off a lie. They weren’t. They never saw that money. 

If the rivalry was made up, I think it’s because the NHL made it up. Rozanov and Hollander didn’t have anything to gain from doing it because they weren’t the ones profiting. 

11:35 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 501.1k retweets | 763.2k likes

girl(s) on fire @janetb18

@ilyarozanov81 can you confirm any of this????

11:58 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 53 retweets | 107 likes

the dog from airbud @acconunt8766

@janetb18 he’s not going to answer lol he’s too busy beating off his man’s suitors with a stick

12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 32 likes

…

yesteryearistomorrow

friendly reminder that Scott Hunter forced his way into another team’s locker room just so he could try to help the guy living through the exact thing he feared for 15+ years preserve what little dignity he could and then Shane Hollander’s own teammates fucking took that from him too. Scott Hunter said you are Shane fucking Hollander and no one is taking that from you tonight and then his own teammates did it anyway. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says as far as I’m concerned they aren’t getting ENOUGH hate 

1,257 Notes

#shane Hollander #FUCK the metros 

number24 reblogged rozanovslut

drpenguin

 The longer we go without hearing anything out of @hollanovofficial the more I think the shock of being right just fucking killed them 

tomatopassport

The longer we go without hearing anything out of @hollanovofficial the more I think that it was ilya rozanovs secret side blog the whole time  

3,017 Notes

#hollanov #girl where are you #come back you were right #sorry we canceled you for the toxic ship they’re actually adorable together #you saw what we couldn’t #hollanovofficial were you Ilya rozanov all along it’s okay you can tell us #he would tho #no one ships Ilya Rozanov with Shane Hollander harder than Ilya Rozanov

leafleafleaf reblogged eggshellbrew

windinthetrees

okay so I have spent the last two days watching every single game ilya rozanov and shane hollander have ever played with each other and i have come to the conclusion that there is no possible way they were trying to lose. 

I cannot say the same thing about every single other player on their teams

302 Notes

#the Montreal metros really are not good enough at hockey for the reaction that they’ve had #like you’ve got ONE GUY on your team who is any fucking good and THATS the guy you gang up on?? #if anything you should have offered to suck his dick #like what’s the plan here guys #/he scores all of your goals/ #lol honestly what if both teams have been trying to lose for years and these two guys have been #single-handedly dragging them to hockey infamy this whole time. which sounds stupid until you see them play #the audacity of accusing the one good player on your team of throwing games #pov you’re actively trying to lose and there’s one freak of nature on your team hauling your ass into multiple cup wins #shane Hollanders that one kid who did all the work on the group project 

deepdishpizza reblogged nineyearswednesday

hollandernation

[Video: A title card reading: F*CK MARRY KILL — NHL Edition. The title card cuts to the New York Admirals’ Matti Jalo in a tux on a red carpet. He appears to be at the NHL Awards. 

“We’re gonna play what?” he laughs, into the microphone. 

The scene cuts to J.J. Dagenais in a charcoal grey tux. He folds his arms over his chest and nods. “Eff, Marry, Kill. And I can pick anyone out of the NHL?”

The scene cuts to Cliff Marleau standing with Victor St-Simon. Marleau wears a black tux. St-Simon wears a burgundy tux. 

“[BLEEP], Marry, Kill?” repeats Marleau. “With who? With each other?” 

From off camera, the reporter says, “You can pick from any other player in the NHL.”  

St-Simon laughs. 

The scene cuts to Gilbert Cormeau. He grimaces. “No—there are kids who watch this.” He shakes his head. “I don’t, I don’t think it’s appropriate to use that kind of language at this kind of event. No, no thank you.” 

The scene cuts to Carter Vaughn, leaning towards the reporter to listen. He pulls back and laughs. “Eff, Marry, Kill?” he repeats. “One sec—” He turns off camera and waves someone off-screen over. “Hey, Scott—”

A bemused Scott Hunter enters the frame. 

“Play with me,” Vaughn tells him. “Eff, Marry, Kill.” 

Hunter looks immediately uncomfortable. He covers it with a nervous laugh. “Eff, Marry, Kill? With who—with people in the League?” 

“You can pick out of anyone in the League,” says Vaughn. “C’mon, it’ll be fun.” 

Hunter’s smile is slightly strained. 

The scene cuts back to Jalo. 

“Okay, so I’m gonna kill Ilya Rozanov,” he decides. 

A picture of Ilya Rozanov flashes in the corner of the screen. The scene cuts. 

“Kill Ilya Rozanov,” says Dagenais, nodding. 

The same picture flashes.

The scene cuts back to Marleau and St-Simon. 

“You know, Cap’s been making us do a lot of six am practices lately,” Marleau jokes, glancing at St-Simon out of the corner of his eye. 

St-Simon cackles. “You think him for kill?”

“Don’t tell him we said that,” Marleau says, glancing at the camera. 

“We love you Cap,” says St-Simon. He sounds teasing. “We just don’t love the early drills.” 

“He’s gonna see this and move them to five am.”

“Oh my God, he is.” St-Simon bounces a bit. “Which means it’s already too late to save ourselves. Kill Ilya Rozanov. Sorry, Cap.” 

“Sorry, Cap,” repeats Marleau, with a chagrined smile. 

The image of Ilya Rozanov dings in the corner of the screen.

The scene cuts back to Vaughn and Hunter. 

“Rozanov,” says Hunter, immediately. 

“Oh yeah, that one’s easy,” says Vaughn. “Ilya Rozanov for kill.” 

Rozanov’s image flashes. 

The scene cuts back to Jalo. 

“For marry,” he muses, leaning back on his heels. “I think—maybe Shane Hollander from Montreal? I’ve met him a few times. He’s a nice guy.” 

In the corner of the screen, Shane Hollander’s image flashes. 

Far in the background, Ilya Rozanov is talking to a reporter.  At the mention of Shane Hollander, his head snaps in Jalo’s direction.

The scene cuts to Dagenais. 

“Marry’s easy,” he says. “Shane Hollander.”

Rozanov is still in the background, slightly closer this time. He is talking to a different reporter. 

His head swivels in Dagenais’ direction. 

The scene switches back to Jalo.

“I just feel like his house would be super organized,” explains Jalo, arms folded over his chest. “He really seems like someone who runs a tight ship.”

It cuts back to Dagenais. 

“His house is so organized,” Dagenais tells the reporter. “Oh my God. You would never be looking for socks because he has them labeled in separate bins based off of the occasion.” 

It flips back to Jalo. 

“He seems to have it really together whenever you see him,” he continues, scratching his head. “You’d always have your taxes filed on time with him.” 

The image returns to Dagenais. 

“You travel with him, he has all the passports.” Dagenais ticks it off on his fingers. “He knows when the next train is; he knows when you need to leave to get to the next place on time; he knows the fastest route to get there. He has four back up routes if something is wrong with the first route. He’s the most reliable guy I know. He’d definitely never forget your anniversary if you married him.” 

The scene cuts to Marleau and St-Simon. 

“Marry,” says Marleau, lips pursed. “I, I feel like I could marry you.”

“Yeah, let’s—we get on pretty well,” agrees St-Simon. “We’ll marry each other. Let’s go with that.” 

The scene cuts to Hunter and Vaughn. 

“Marry.” Hunter hums and taps his foot. “Uhhh… huh.”

“Wow,” says Vaughn, slapping Hunter’s chest with the back of his hand. “You need to think about this? And here I thought we were friends.”

Hunter seizes on it immediately. “You want to be friends with the person you marry.”

Vaughn jokingly takes Hunter’s hand and starts to sink to one knee. “Cap, I know it’s all so sudden, but will you marry m—”

Hunter starts laughing. 

The image returns to Jalo. 

“For—let’s not say that word, let’s, let’s say, uh… make love to”—Jalo winces—“I have to pick someone?”

“You do,” confirms the reporter. “It can be anyone. It’s no big deal.”

The scene cuts to Dagenais. 

He leans his head back thoughtfully. “I almost want to say Cap again,” he says, mulling it over. “I feel like if we like—guns to our head, we had to, I feel like he’d do like, research in advance so at least we’d know what we were doing. Like he’d Google it at least. I have to pick someone else though, right?”

“You can pick Hollander again if you want,” says the reporter. 

“Oh, okay, then. Shane Hollander.”

Shane Hollander’s photo flashes again. 

The scene returns to Jalo. 

“Let’s just, let’s just go with Carter Vaughn from my team.” Jalo shrugs. “He’s pretty chill. I feel like we wouldn’t have to talk about it after.” 

A photo of Carter Vaughn flashes in the corner of the screen.

The scene cuts to Hunter and Vaughn. 

“We already picked each other for marry, so we can’t—”

“We have to pick someone else,” agrees Hunter. He rocks on his feet. “Uhhh, I’m, I feel like… Hollander would probably be okay about it.”

Ilya Rozanov passes through the background of the shot. He glares daggers at the back of Hunter’s head. 

“Oh, yeah, Shane Hollander’s great,” agrees Vaughn. “He’s a solid guy. And you know he wouldn’t kiss and tell, so…”

The photo of Shane Hollander flashes across the screen. 

“I feel like you could just shake his hand about it after,” says Hunter, tugging at his collar. “And uh, maybe watch the game or something.”

“Yo, didn’t, didn’t Cosmo just decide he’s the sexiest man in the NHL?” Vaughn starts laughing. “Hey, he’s a major pull now. You can brag about that. ‘I slept with the sexiest man in the NHL.’”

Hunter smiles. He still looks uncomfortable. 

The scene cuts. Marleau and St-Simon are pondering furiously. 

“Wait, wait, I got it,” says St-Simon. “You have to hear me out though.” 

“Okay, okay,” says Marleau. “Lay it on me.” 

“Hollander. Hear me out—“

Shane Hollander’s image flashes in the screen’s corner. 

“The nightmare from the Metros?” Marleau laughs in disbelief. “He’s already a pain in the ass. You want to make that literal?” 

“Hear me out,” insists St-Simon. “Purely mercenary, hockey didn’t work out so well, I got a lifestyle I need to maintain—”

“Oh I get it,” says Marleau, in dawning realization. “Like in a sugar daddy way—“

“That guy has to be loaded,” agrees St-Simon. “I feel like every time I see him his entire body is sponsored.” 

Marleau cackles. “You’d never have to work again.”

In the distance, Ilya Rozanov is staring murderously in their direction. He pulls out his phone. 

“Even if it’s just a one night stand, I feel like he’d be elegant about it,” jokes St-Simon. “Like I feel like he’d give you a watch or something to remember him by.”

“He’s got all that Rolex money,” says Marleau. “Yeah, he’d”—As he speaks, he glances at his smart watch. His face immediately twists with horror—“Practice is at four-thirty now.”

St-Simon grabs his watch to look at it. He looks hunted. 

“Did Cap hear us earlier?” he whispers. 

The scene cuts. Shane Hollander stands before the camera in a black tux. 

“Eff, Marry, Kill?” he says, smiling. “People have really been playing that?”

Off-screen, the reporter tells him, “They all picked you.”

“Everyone picked to kill me?” Hollander asks in disbelief. 

The reporter laughs. She doesn’t say anything. 

Hollander becomes apprehensive. “Everyone picked to kill me, right?”

The scene cuts again. Hayden Pike stands before the camera, dressed in a midnight blue tux.  

“Wait, really? Oh my God, that’s great. Yeah, I’ll play. One sec—” He turns off-camera to wave someone over. “Hey, Shane, come do this one with me.”

From off-screen, Shane Hollander says, “Please don’t make me go back over there.” 

The scene cuts back to Hollander by himself. 

“Uh, I guess I’ll marry my buddy Hayden Pike,” he says, nodding a bit. “But uh, he’s already married, so we’re gonna say maybe I was his first spouse and he left me for his one true love. And I wasn’t even upset, because he and his wife are great together.” 

An image of Hayden Pike flashes across the screen. 

“For eff—” He laughs uncomfortably. “You know what, eff’s a very broad term. There’s a lot of different meanings to it. So we’re gonna say Ilya Rozanov. Eff that guy. You can decide what sense I mean that in.” 

Ilya Rozanov’s image reappears on the screen.  

“And kill?” asks the reporter.

“Oh, Shane Hollander,” says Hollander, without hesitation. “No question. Lock that one in.” 

The scene cuts back to Hayden Pike. Shane Hollander reluctantly joins him on camera. 

“Hi again,” he tells the reporter.

“Did you already play?” asks Pike. 

“Yeah, I just played.”

“Well, help me play,” says Pike, patting him on the shoulder. “So, for marry—I mean, we’re basically already married.”

Hollander laughs. 

“On the weekends, I’ll like, I’ll text him and be like, ‘Do you want to go the children’s science museum with me and my kids?’” explains Pike, to the camera. “And he’s always like, ‘Yes, man, absolutely.’ He’s already like their back-up dad.”

“I don’t want to get between you and Jackie,” laughs Hollander. 

“Well, maybe, maybe Jackie’s, Jackie’s met someone els—no I can’t put that into the universe. And I can’t kill her off either, ‘cause that’s, that’s—”

“I said that maybe you left me for her.” 

“Yeah, but I’m not that kind of guy though,” says Pike, shaking his head. “And c’mon. Who’d ever be stupid enough to let go of a catch like you?”

Hollander laughs. It sounds strained.  

“Okay, okay, I got it,” says Pike. “Maybe it’s like, like an Interstellar-type situation—”

Hollander nods with understanding. “Space needs Jackie.”

“Space needs Jackie and she asked me to remarry for the sake of our kids,” says Pike. “Of course, I would ask you.” 

“I’ll accept,” says Hollander. 

Pike claps him manfully on the shoulder. “You know what, I do gotta say, you’re the only right answer to this question.” 

Hollander stares directly into the camera with panicked eyes. 

“No, really, please, will someone marry my buddy?” says Pike, to the camera. “I can’t believe he’s still single. I’m gonna pitch him to you—”

“Please don’t pitch me to them.”

“I have to,” insists Pike. “I want you to join me in domestic bliss, man! C’mon, ladies, he is such a catch.”

Hollander laughs nervously. “I’m not—”

“The Sexiest Man in the NHL, right here,” continues Pike, slapping him on the shoulder. “He’s neat, he never leaves his socks lying around, he’s so respectful, and he’s great with kids—like someone please snap him up already.” 

“I’m not looking,” Hollander interjects, with a warning glance to the camera. “Just, uh, really busy with the season right now—”

“He thinks he’s in love with hockey,” Pike complains. “But somewhere out there is a very lucky woman who can change his mind. I’m gonna put out applications one day. I’m serious.” 

“Okay, okay, back to the game. We’re married,” says Hollander, bumping Pike’s shoulder with his own. “What about eff?”

“I mean, I could never cheat on you—”

Hollander laughs so hard that he walks off camera. 

“It would set a bad example for our kids,” insists Pike. “So I gotta pick you for that too.” 

“The second one is also for the kids,” wheezes Hollander. He rejoins Pike on camera. “Okay, okay. Kill?”

“Oh, Rozanov. Easy.” 

Hollander shakes his head. He’s smiling. “Okay. Good game. I’m gonna—”

Ilya Rozanov stalks onto the screen. He smiles broadly at everyone. “So much laughter over here. You must be playing a very fun game.”

Hollander tries to leave. Rozanov immediately steps behind him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He keeps one hand possessively on Hollander’s chest.

Hollander looks into the distance with a thousand-yard stare. 

“Stay, stay,” says Rozanov, still smiling. He ducks his head to angle his next words towards Hollander’s ear. “Is my turn.” 

“Uuhhh,” says the reporter. “Okay. Sure. Eff, Marry, Kill. You can pick out of anyone in the NHL.” 

“I see.” Rozanov straightens. In the process, he tugs Hollander more firmly into his side. “There is a right answer to this game, of course.”

“There isn’t any—” Hollander starts to say.

“No, there is,” insists Rozanov. “One best answer.”

Pike eyes him warily. “Why don’t you—”

Rozanov talks over him. “You [BEEP] my good friend Shane Hollander, of course.”

Hollander stares directly into the camera with dead eyes. 

Pike says, “Dude.”

“What? There is no shame in this. Shane Hollander is a very beautiful man.” Rozanov’s hand comes up to grip him by the jaw. Hollander looks surprised. Rozanov tilts his head to show off his jawline to the camera. “Cosmopolitan says so. Second most beautiful in the whole NHL—after me, of course. They get some things wrong.”

Hollander shoves Rozanov’s hand off his face. Rozanov grins madly at him. 

 “How about you just—” Pike starts. 

“You picked him too, did you not?” baits Rozanov. He turns his grin on Pike. It looks threatening. “I think maybe everyone picked him.” 

Hollander has the look of a man who is trying to shut down his own organs through sheer force of will.

“Pretty much,” agrees the reporter, laughing. 

“See? He is very hot commodity. I am just agreeing with popular opinion.” 

“He picked you for eff, though,” she continues. 

Pike looks horrified.“What?”  

Rozanov’s entire face lights up with unfettered glee.  “You want to [BLEEP] me, Hollander? Should I give you my room number, maybe?”

Hollander shoves off his arm. “I said it was open to interpretation.” 

Rozanov immediately slings his arm back around Hollander’s shoulders. He is still grinning. “Oh, I think I know exactly how you want me to interpret it.” 

“I don’t think this game requires any touching,” interjects Pike. 

Rozanov ignores him. “For marry, there is also only one right answer. You pick Scott Hunter.” 

A photograph of Scott Hunter flickers in the corner of the screen. 

Hollander looks at him with an odd, quizzical smile. There’s barely perceptible edge to it. “You’d marry Scott Hunter?”

“Of course,” says Rozanov. “Is very obvious why. Scott Hunter is very old man. Close to death. I never even have to touch him because he dies of old age right after vows. Then, I take all of his money back to my long-time lover, Shane Hollander, and marry him next.” 

“I don’t think you have to pick two marrys,” says Pike. 

“Yes, but you have to lock down hot commodities like Shane Hollander,” says Rozanov. He jostles Hollander teasingly. Hollander looks miserable. “Is that not right?”

“Just pick your kill,” he replies, withering. 

“Hayden Pike,” says Rozanov, immediately. “He knows what he did.” 

“What?” demands Pike. He looks offended. “I super don’t.” 

Hollander pushes Rozanov off him with a laugh. It sounds forced. 

“Fun game, guys,” he says, without much sincerity. He turns to walk away. Pike seizes the opportunity to sweep into the space by his side, cutting off Rozanov. 

Before the camera cuts to black, Pike can be heard saying, “What a weirdo.” The video ends.]

HE'S SO JEALOUS EVERYONE PICKED SHANE HOLLANDER INSTEAD OF HIM

dingdongbitch

is anyone going to tell Hayden Pike’s wife that he’s in love with Shane Hollander. And so is the rest of the NHL apparently

mountainbeachhouse

all of these nhl stars getting sent into heterosexual panic by this is hilarious. Oh if we MUST pick SOMEONE to have sex with because you put a GUN TO OUR HEAD and we must FUCK OR DIE then of course we will all immediately agree that the answer is Shane Hollander with such detail that it’s obvious we’ve thought about it before. not because he’s so hot that it’s made headline news, no. Just because he’s such a chill guy to watch the game with after. I’m not gay by the way.

like don’t worry so much scott hunter I don’t think anyone’s going to challenge your fragile male straightness because you played a party game 

mountainbeachhouse

In light of recent events I would like to withdraw some of my previous statements.

hollandernation

HE WAS JEALOUS BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. HAPPY PRIDE FOLKS.  

yurtdigest

it’s not pride month???

hollandernation

IT FUCKING IS NOW 

73,777 Notes

#hollanov #joining the petition to make January also be pride month in honor of the gay hockey players #happy gay hockey player January guys it’s been great #i don’t know about you guys but I’m pretty fuckng proud #also HES SO MESSY OML #ilya really said you shall NOT have my man’s name in your mouth #as someone who didn’t watch hockey before this it’s been such a rollercoaster #two days ago the world said ‘this is Shane hollander he’s the greatest hockey player of all time and every single person in the world is in love with him’ #and nothing has changed that impression since #rozanov’s fighting for his life out here #THE LOOK ON HIS FACE when he found out he was Shane’s fuck #you know he took that man back to his hotel room and cracked him like a glowstick #real talk tho this is kinda sad #like I remember when this made rounds and we all laughed at Scott Hunter for being so obviously afraid of getting called gay for this #like no HE WAS AFRAID OF GETTING CALLED GAY AS A CLOSETED GAY MAN #theres 3 confirmed queer men in this video and 2 out of 3 of them were absolutely terrified #the third was Ilya rozanov #i don’t think hes scared of anything except maybe Shane hollander finding a new man #anyone who thinks it isn’t that bad in the nhl should have to watch this. 

…

Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank

Ilya Rozanov, planning on how he’s going to throw the game with his secret boyfriend: Read More…

10:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes

boston cup run next season ig @raiders12

I am a confidently straight man. I am an AVOWED Raiders fan, which, until recently, meant spitting whenever anyone said the name Shane Hollander. Reevaluating that one in light of recent events. 

I was lucky enough to see game 7 of the 2015 playoffs in person. And when I say that there is not a single person in that arena who would not have let Shane Hollander take them in manful fashion after seeing him do this. Myself included. 

12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 113.7k retweets | 278.9k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

honestly hes not wrong

1:47 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 321.9k retweets | 501.6k likes

Brad Hammersmith @HammersmithTime

CLIFF YOU CANT SAY THAT

2:01 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 57k retweets | 92.3k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

What??? We agreed to stop hating Hollander now that he’s our step captain and admittedly this was sick as fuck

2:12 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 101.3k retweets | 198.1k likes

Brad Hammersmith @HammersmithTime

CLIFF YOU CANT SAY THAT ABOUT CAPS MAN

2:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 63.5k retweets | 97.8k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

I can’t be proud of my boy for bagging a bad bitch?? im sorry I thought this was still america 

2:17 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 321.6k retweets | 401.8k likes

Victor St-Simon @thehockeysaint

great job cliff you’ve fucking killed us

2:59 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 32.1k retweets | 49.2k likes

Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank

@dargreen Legitimately I think that most of the people I’ve seen who buy into the NHL’s bullshit excuse don’t actually watch hockey. Because “they had an undisclosed personal conflict” sounds real enough to make you think maybe there’s something to it, but it completely falls apart if you have even a baseline awareness of the crazy bullshit Hollander and Rozanov have been pulling against each other on the ice. All of their games are like this by the way. 

12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.1M retweets | 1.9M likes

it’s jackson @j_phillips789

Wrong. There is one Boston v. Montreal game in their careers wherein Hollander and Rozanov so woefully underperformed that only one goal was scored the entire game and for weeks after everyone talked about how it was the shittiest game of their careers. 

And it was when Shane Hollander was dating Rose Landry. 

4:28 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 87.3k retweets | 173.9k likes

Rose Landry @rose_landry

whoops

6:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 501k retweets | 881.9k likes

Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank

Ilya Rozanov, planning on how he’s going to throw the game with his secret boyfriend: Read More…

10:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes

pineapple express @account_7

OFFICIAL NHL ANNOUNCERS: obviously the only man in Boston who hates Shane Hollander right now is Ilya Rozanov

*hard cut to Ilya Rozanov eye fucking Shane Hollander from across the rink* 

5:09 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 3.9k retweets | 11.2k likes

barbecue birthday @burner1238

honestly have we considered that maybe the nhl didnt find out because they’re fucking stupid

6:39 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 2.9k retweets | 5.2k likes

January Jones @janjones

WAIT I REMEMBER THIS

THE DAY AFTER THIS HAPPENED ILYA ROZANOV POSTED SOMETHING TO HIS INSTAGRAM AND THEN DELETED IT THE SAME DAY

IT WAS SO PETTY THAT I SCREENSHOTTED IT

AND

7:11 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.1k retweets | 5.9k likes

January Jones @janjones

[Image: A screenshot of an Instagram post. The pictures reveal a close-up photograph of a wooden bed frame in a brightly lit room. There is a distinct, splintered crack down the center plank of the frame.] 

ilya rozanov • 3 June 2015

time to find a stronger bed

amberp77 girl you’re so BITTER

y_adams “shane hollander may have kicked me out of the playoffs but can he do THIS” *has sex with a woman*

dwoodall you’re laughing. somewhere out there there is a Slavic supermodel who can’t walk because of shane hollander and you’re laughing.]

THEY BROKE THE BED

7:13 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 421.3k retweets | 689.1k likes

Raiders’ Ryan @RCarmichael

you know some days I really wish I knew less about cap and hollander    

9:14 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 66.8k retweets | 91.2k likes

…

[Image: An Instagram slide show. The first slide reveals a pair of wedding rings held in a hockey glove. 

The second slide reveals a pair of skates laid next to a pair of dress shoes. 

The third slide reveals Gilbert Cormeau in his wedding tux. He isn’t looking at the camera. Instead, he is looking down to button the cuff of his sleeve. Behind him stands seven groomsmen, all in the process of buttoning their jackets or sleeves. One of them is Shane Hollander.

The fourth slide reveals Gilbert Cormeau at an altar. He is kissing a blonde woman in a wedding dress. They are flanked by bridesmaids and groomsmen. Shane Hollander is second in the line of groomsmen. He is smiling broadly at Cormeau.]

montreal metros • 11 July 2016

On the important days, you want your team at your back.

Congrats to the Metros’ own @gcormeau on his marriage! 

gcormeau Best brothers in the world are the ones I found on this team. Love you guys. 

shanehollander Love you, brother. Congrats. 

…

_janebees_ he was in your WEDDING??

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to Carter Vaughn walking through the empty halls near the Admirals’ locker room. He is dressed in a navy suit and carrying a bouquet of marigolds. 

“Cap’s got a special boy,” Vaughn explains to the camera, sing-song. “And the team finally gets to meet him properly.” He holds up the bouquet. “I plan to make the best first impression of cour—”

He walks into the locker room. The rest of the New York Admirals are already there waiting for him. All of them are wearing suits. All of them are holding a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine. In the back of the locker room, Matti Jalo is holding a four foot tall stuffed bear wearing a New York Admirals jersey.

“—ah [BEEP],” says Vaughn.]

the admirals • 23 June 2017

they’re a little nervous. 

Hope @KipGrady likes flowers! 

scotthunterofficial Again, it’s casual dress.

cartervaughn cap we can’t impress your man in JEANS 

[Image: A mother and father stand with their young son by an ice rink. The son wears a black and blue jersey with a cartoon shark on its front. He is holding a hockey stick in his right hand. 

The mother has a baby swaddled in her arms. All three of them are grinning broadly. The son’s smile shows off a missing front tooth.]

joe brady • 11 Oct 2016

Can’t believe Shane just played his first hockey game today! Team Canada, watch out for your next hockey star! 

yasmineasting Joe, how do two figure skaters make a hockey player?? You should have told him that he found the right place but the wrong sport!!!

joebrady haha he wanted hockey! Who knows, maybe his sister will take after me and Aisha!

joebrady We named him after an old buddy of mine who plays hockey. It’s probably fate! 

…

jan_childress11 hey @joebrady did you name your kid after Shane Hollander???

jan_childress11 i think i saw you in his dad’s phone… 

…

Jimmy Kimmel Live! @JimmyKimmelLive

Anyone else hearing a lot about hockey lately? We sat down with @scotthunterofficial for an inside scoop. 

[Video:  Jimmy Kimmel sits at his desk on the set of Jimmy Kimmel Live. He asks the crowd, “Any hockey fans in the audience tonight?”

The audience cheers.  

“I feel like everyone’s a hockey fan all of a sudden,” he says, laughing a bit. “Well, there’s a lot to be a fan of! The rush, the fights, the romance…” 

The audience cheers louder. 

“I know there’s a lot back and forth online about what’s going on in the NHL right now, so I thought we’d sit down with a man in the know. He’s a New Yorker himself, he’s the captain of my favorite hockey team, everyone, please welcome to the stage Scott Hunter,” says Kimmel, clapping. 

Scott Hunter enters the stage to thunderous applause. He is dressed in a tailored navy suit. 

He settles down in the guest chair. After the audience applause dies down, there is a beat of silence. 

“So how’s hockey?” asks Kimmel. 

“You know, I’m playing a lot less of it right now than I thought I would be,” says Hunter. 

The audience murmurs. 

“Okay, elephant in the room, you kickstarted a boycott against the NHL following Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov’s suspension. The NHL says that it’s because they didn’t disclose their relationship, you say that’s not true. Why?”

“I mean, first off, the NHL doesn’t require you to disclose relationships,” says Hunter. “They seem to really be pushing this narrative that there’s some policy that was breached, but there just wasn’t. Every relationship I’ve ever had before my current one was a secret—one cared. And I can tell you for a fact that the rest of the NHL is not calling the Commissioner’s Office every time they find a hook up. If the question is, ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ the pretty clear answer is, ‘You never asked.’”

“But I think more of the claims are about this idea that Rozanov and Hollander were potentially rigging games for each other because of this secret relationship. Could there be something there?”

“I mean”—Hunter rolls his eyes—“c’mon. Have you ever seen those two play against each other?”

“They’re pretty aggressive,” agrees Kimmel, laughing a bit.

“For years, the NHL has been selling tickets to Boston-Montreal match-ups at the same price scale as tickets to the playoffs because they know that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov have never given each other an inch in a game. Now, suddenly, they want to claim that they’re throwing those same games. It’s ridiculous.”

“There’s something else I was curious about with this boycott—the NHL released its statement at 9:39 A.M. You posted yours two minutes later.” 

Hunter nods. A beat passes. The two of them stare at each other. 

“Do you just type really fast?” prompts Kimmel. The audience laughs. “Did you know it was coming, did the boys tell you…? C’mon, Scott, give us something.” 

“Well, they didn’t have to tell me,” says Hunter. “You know, the Commissioner’s Office was so quick to leak that they had a meeting with Shane and Ilya that morning, I was a little surprised when they didn’t bring up the fact that I was called in five minutes later.”

The audience murmurs. 

“That’s news,” says Kimmel, leaning back in his chair. “And what happened at that meeting?”

“You know, I’ve been advised by legal counsel to not reveal much at this time,” replies Hunter. He nods a bit. “Our team’s been doing great work trying to reason with the League, and they’ve asked us to keep the details confidential so that they can do their job. All I can say right now is that it was strongly suggested that if I did not publicly back the NHL’s decision to suspend Shane and Ilya, this would be my last season playing. And you know, I wasn’t planning for this to be my last season, and I sure wasn’t planning to spend it boycotting the sport I dedicated my life to, but this isn’t about me anymore. It isn’t even about Shane and Ilya—it’s about every kid who has ever felt like they did not have a place on the ice simply because of who they are. And if I have to lose the rest of my career, it’s going to be so the next generation can have one without fear.” 

The audience claps approvingly. 

“Tomorrow’s the first time the Admirals take to the ice since it happened. Do you know if…?” Kimmel gestures vaguely. 

“Oh, I’m totally cut off from all that stuff now—orders from on high. The Commissioner’s Office put a freeze on talking to any of us—me, Hayden, Shane, Ilya. I think the entire Raiders’ team too. I haven’t spoken to anyone.”

Kimmel nods sympathetically. “Shane and Ilya, these last few days must have been a whirlwind for them. How are they feeling?”

“You know, I don’t want to speak for them,” says Hunter. “They’re very private people, and with how much of their private lives got exposed in the hack—I’ll just say that they’re fighters and they’re gonna get each other through this.” 

“You were a little bit exposed in the leak too, weren’t you?”

“Uh, yeah.” Hunter nods. “Just my phone number, thankfully. I’ve had to change it—if you messaged me, I’m sorry, I didn’t read it, there was, uh. There was a bit too much for that.” 

“For me, at least, it was a little surprising to see you in there,” say Kimmel. “Do you give your number out to the dads of everyone in the League?”

“You know, it’s kind of funny,” says Hunter, laughing a bit. “For the longest time, I forgot that I gave Dave my number.” 

“How’d that come about?”

“So, I don’t know if you know this,” says Hunter, to the audience, “but Shane Hollander made a little bit of a splash with his rookie season.” 

The audience cheers and claps. One of them whistles sharply. 

“Well, I was aware of him before we really met—honestly, I don’t think there was anyone who wasn’t aware of Shane Hollander back then. At that time, I’d had one game against him, which, you know. He kicked my ass—“

The audience laughs. 

“We both end up getting selected for the 2011 All Stars team, and I was set to be Shane’s team captain.” 

“Right, right,” says Kimmel, nodding.

“Shane and I were both brand partners for Reeboks, so I find myself at the same promotional event with him and his parents, right at the beginning of All Stars’ weekend. He’s off being photographed”—he gestures broadly—“somewhere. And I decide to go up and introduce myself to his parents.” 

“Sweet of you.”

“Well, Shane was just about the youngest person I’ve seen make it into the League, other than Ilya. Most people’s rookie seasons, they’re, you know, twenty-three, twenty-four, and this kid is nineteen and already at the top of the charts. It’s a lot of pressure for someone who’s just out of high school, and I feel, you know—”

“Responsible.”

Hunter nods in agreement. “Right—I’m gonna be his team captain, so I figure I should make the effort to meet his parents and let them know I’m gonna look out for him during All Stars. And I think his dad, I think he was a little worried about him, because he gave me his number just in case anything happened.” 

“Did Shane know he did that?”

Hunter snorts. “Oh, God no. Can you imagine?”

“I don’t think any NHL player wants to know that their team captain is texting their dad about them—”

“Exactly,” says Hunter. “So All Stars happens, entire team gets invited to a house party one night, and Shane was, you know, underaged—” 

Kimmel sounds delighted. “You told his dad on him?”

“There was nothing to tell.” Hunter laughs. “I look over and I see Shane in the corner nursing a can of ginger ale and”—he mimes a shoving motion—“shoving coasters under people’s drinks. So I text him, I say, ‘Dave, he’s just fine.’”

The audience laughs. 

“But that wasn’t the last time you texted with David Hollander.”

“No, no, there were two other times. I, uh, I don’t have my phone with me on the ice so I don’t know which match it was, but at some point during the 2011 All Stars I finished competing in something, and Dave, he texted me, ‘Great job, Scott. I’m so proud of you.’” 

The audience laughs harder. 

“That’s such a dad move,” says Kimmel, clapping. 

“Right? And there I was like, ‘Uh… thanks, Dave…’” Hunter shakes his head. “He, uh, he sent me this really heartfelt text after I came out. I’m not gonna go into what it said—I guess people can see it for themselves now—but it was, you know, a little surprising, but it meant a lot to me.”

Kimmel nods. “So, when you came out, you knew you weren’t the only one in the NHL.” 

Hunter gives a chagrined smile. “You know, I had a bit of a clue that I wasn’t.”

Laughter starts to rumble through the audience. Kimmel hurriedly flaps his hand. “We’ll get there.”

The audience laughs harder. 

Holding back his own laughter, Kimmel says, “Right, you found out at the 2011 All Stars.”

“So, when you’re a professional athlete, a shocking amount of your life gets recorded. And I realized the exact moment that I found out about Shane and Ilya got caught on camera.”

The audience screams with deafening cheers. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” shouts Kimmel, waving them down. “That’s not what he meant.” He double takes. “Unless—”

“No, no,” says Hunter, shaking his head. “You know what, I brought the tape, so why don’t we roll it—”

The image is replaced with footage from the 2011 All Stars game. Shane Hollander steps back to the bench, having completed the shot accuracy competition. As the commentators discuss his rookie season, the camera lingers on Hollander talking with Ilya Rozanov from the other bench. Scott Hunter is in the corner of the frame, sitting next to Hollander. Rozanov gets up and skates quickly past where Hollander sits. 

As he passes, Hunter’s eyes widen. He slowly turns to stare at Hollander with an odd, awe-struck expression. The footage abruptly cuts to another event.

The image returns to the set of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Kimmel is clapping and laughing. 

“The look on your face—“

“I was like, ‘These kids are so brave—‘“

“What on earth did they say?”

“So, I don’t think this would have meant anything to anyone other than me. They were having a totally normal conversation, and then right as Ilya skated past, I heard him whisper”—he drops his voice into a Russian accent—“‘1221.’ Which, uh, considering I was in room 1223—”

He is drowned out with applause. 

Through his laughter, Kimmel asks, “Did you tell Shane you overheard it?” 

“You know, I tried to slide into casual conversation that I was in the room next door to Rozanov hoping it would save me and, well—“ He shrugs. 

The applause becomes thunderous. 

“They’re athletes,” defends Kimmel, over the applause. It slowly quiets. “These two men are in very high demand. I think, you know, one of them, I hear, had a few million people who wanted a shot with him—“

The audience erupts back into cheering. 

Kimmel nods to Hunter. “Did you apply?”

“No, no,” he says, shaking his head. 

Kimmel is smiling. “Uh huh. Do you, uh, do you know anyone who applied?”

Hunter stares at him. Kimmel stares back. 

Slightly quieter, Hunter says, “Yeah, uh, do you know any good florists, Jimmy?”

“You know what, I’ll text you a few.”

“I put an empty carton of milk back in the fridge today and Kip texted me, Shane Hollander would never do this to me, so I, uh, I don’t know if I should be worried—“

“I would be!”

“Right?” laughs Hunter. “But you know what, I’m not. Shane and Ilya, they’re, they’re great together. They’re amazing guys who have been in love for longer than I’ve known them, and I’m just sorry that they had to hide it.” 

“I think we’re all sorry that they were put in that position,” agrees Kimmel. “You know what, Scott, we’re just about out of time. I’m sorry I won’t be seeing you in the game tomorrow night, but you know what? I won’t be watching it. And I encourage everyone else to join me in that. Scott Hunter, everybody.” The video fades to black, then is filled with the logo for Jimmy Kimmel Live!] 

12:42 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 545.3k retweets | 689.1k likes

… 

Shane Hollander

30 Aug 2017, 20:13

Did you get home safe?  

Still out. 

Hayden wanted to grab dinner

And J.J.

J.J. too?

That’s good.

You two hanging out again?

Yeah

Yeah he’s been really cool actually

I think we’re good 

Though he keeps trying to set me up some personal trainer he knows

He insists that we’d hit it off

You thinking about telling him that you’re spoken for?

30 Aug 2017, 23:57

I don’t know

Maybe

I just don’t want to make things worse again

…

Montreal Metros @theMontrealMetros

Tomorrow night, the Metros take on the Hydras at its home rink! See everyone on the ice! 

7:39 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 250k retweets | 175.2k likes

    —> @JJDagenais retweeted

Chapter 5: 01.15.18

Chapter Notes

TW: homophobic/biphobic language

Boston Raiders’ Captain Ilya Rozanov to Pursue Canadian Residency Through Spouse-Like Sponsorship Program

15 Jan 2018 • 6:35 A.M. EST

The Boston Raiders’ team captain Ilya Rozanov was suspended from his position earlier this week in a controversial decision after his hidden affair with Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander was discovered. Not long after, Rozanov was spotted fleeing to Canada.   

The Boston captain isn’t formally terminated from his position as of the time this article was written. Still, he may not be looking to make his way back stateside any time soon. Confidential sources indicate that Rozanov intends to apply for Canadian residency through a conjugal sponsorship. 

While similar to a spousal sponsorship, conjugal sponsorship would not require that Rozanov marry a Canadian citizen—presumably Hollander. Instead, Hollander and Rozanov must prove that they have been in an exclusive, mutually interdependent, marriage-like relationship for at least one year but could not marry due to significant barriers outside their control. Early reports suggest that Rozanov intends to claim that he and Hollander faced a serious risk of violence or persecution had their relationship become known. 

Rozanov’s ploy for Canadian citizenship will be a daring and first-of-its-kind attempt to establish the requisite persecution through organized sports. Which leaves many asking: Has this all been one big stunt for a passport? Or does Rozanov intend to risk his immigration status just to cast one more stone at the NHL? It’s unclear what this decision means for his position as the captain of the Boston Raiders—or if he’s decided to abandon his post entirely. 

Hot Talk News reached out to Hollander and Rozanov’s attorney Andrea Brown of Denable LLP and inquired as to whether Rozanov intended to seek a Canadian passport. Ms. Brown declined to comment. 

When asked about her briefcase model of choice, Ms. Brown declined to comment.  

More like this:

Dozens Arrested On Bank Fraud Charges Following Hollander Leak: “Many More Cases To Come,” Says Royal Canadian Mounted Police

Montreal Metros’ Owner Claims Shane Hollander Will Be Welcomed Back To Team “With Open Arms” Following NHL Investigation, Asks Public to Avoid Speculation

Opinion: The Hollander Leak Means Changes For The NHL. They May Not Be For The Better. 

…

Yuna Hollander

11 Jan 2018, 11:08

Give me a call when you’re done with the attorney. 

11 Jan 2018, 14:47

Everything going okay there?

No

Oh Dave I am steamed

What happened? 

Can I call?

No no I’m in public still 

I don’t want anyone to overhear 

I could kill someone right now 

What happened?

Are the boys okay? 

They’re in the car. 

I’m giving them some time together before we drive back. 

They needed to talk

Dave the looks on their faces in that meeting

I wish I had a gun right now

Hon what did the lawyer say? 

Is there a problem with him getting dual citizenship?

Worse

He should have gotten it already

I don’t follow

The lawyer said there’s some visa 

EB-1A

It’s for people with extraordinary achievements. Like in sports. 

It lets them get US citizenship eventually

Sounds like our boy 

He didn’t have that?

No!!!!

The dipshit attorney his family got for him when he was a fucking child put him on some other visa and never switched it

O something I can’t remember what it was called

And it’s tied to employment. He has to go back to Russia if he loses his job

There’s no way to get citizenship from it  

Those fucking bastards Dave 

They told him that it wasn’t even possible to get citizenship this way 

Saddled him with some nobody lawyer hack job who went with it

When he was 18 and barely spoke English 

He asked and they lied to him

He could have been safe by now and his own family took that from him so he couldn’t get away from them

Can we get him on this EB-1A thing now?

The lawyers are filing the paperwork asap 

But it takes five years to get citizenship 

And if he does sign with Ottawa then it’s pointless and we have to figure something else out 

Should he still file then?

Oh he's filing

We can’t waste another year. We don’t even know if Shane will still be in Montreal next year with how those assholes on his team have been acting. Better to drop the process after starting it than to start it even a second too late  

Dave I don’t know how the boys have been living with this for so long 

I’m terrified 

I know hon

I’ve been worried too

How long to get at least residency with this new visa

I don’t know. I forgot to ask. 

I was just so angry 

All I can think about is if something happens 

Dave what if this all goes wrong  

What if they get outed before we get his citizenship sorted 

I have the worst feeling right now. Like something terrible’s going to happen before we can fix this. 

If he gets hurt and his team drops him right now then he’s going to be sent back to Russia and god knows what happens to him then

He’s not going to be safe there 

Hey we’re not going to let that happen

Even if something happens he’s got a lot of options we can chase after

I don’t think the boys are telling us everything

They started speaking Russian so no one else could understand them

Is Shaney that good at Russian already

He didn’t get that from me. I can still barely ask where the library is 

What Russian libraries am I even going to

Is it wrong to try to learn Russian faster  

Like is that invasive 

I'm sure we’ll have a rousing debate of the ethics when you get back 

Historically speaking it’s how we’ve kept the spark alive 

Dave do NOT make me laugh right now 

I’m too angry

We are firing EVERY one of those sycophants his family stuck him with

You get ‘em honey

I’ll talk to him about it when he’s had a moment to process this 

The number of career opportunities he’s missed because of those idiots 

No son of mine is going to have inferior management 

Go hon

Kill ‘em

I’m gonna find a way to take over his brand without people knowing it’s me 

I can get my own sycophants. Better sycophants.  

I could get him a sponsorship with one of those fancy car companies he likes. Do you think he’d like that?

See if you can find out which ones he likes the best. He likes talking to you about that kind of stuff 

I’ll slide it into casual conversation my dear

I’ll be sly

I’m gonna talk to him about letting you audit his finances 

Those godawful leeches 

They’ve been bleeding him dry this whole time 

They sent him over here when he was 18 to be their golden fucking goose and they kept this from him so he could never fully escape them. I could scream. 

I don’t trust that they don’t have a back door into his accounts somewhere to keep stealing from him

If there is we’ll put a stop to it 

I just don’t know how you could do something like this 

To your own son no less 

Dave he could have been safe by now

I know hon

But you know what this isn’t something you do to your son. He’s not their son anymore

He’s our son now

We’ve stolen him

Great heist hon we did it and we’re not giving him back

Dave you goose

You and Shaney still gonna be back tonight?

We have to be. Shane’s got his game tomorrow and he has to go to it and pretend like nothing just happened. 

I don’t know how they’ve been doing this all these years. I really don’t.

I can’t believe we have to get on a plane soon. I feel like I could kill someone right now. 

These texts are going to read great if you get pulled from the security line. 

Make sure your phone is locked during boarding

Don’t wanna risk anyone seeing these until you’re well in the air 

At that point whatever happens happens they’re not gonna stop the beverage service 

 You’re a goof

A goof who loves you even if you end up on the no fly list 

But please do remember we have to do a lot of international travel and I get sick on boats 

…

HOT TALK NEWS @HotTalk

EXCLUSIVE—Boston Raiders’ Captain Ilya Rozanov to Pursue Canadian Residency Through Spouse-Like Sponsorship Program. Full Article Available. 

6:36 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 333.6k retweets | 501.2k likes

April Munez @aprilmunezx

Wait, is this real? Why wouldn’t they just get married?

7:01 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 117 retweets | 229 likes

just here for hollanov @tumblrnative6

Are we not going to get a hollanov wedding???

8:46 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 334 retweets | 605 likes

ashley <3 @a_lutz

@ilyarozanov81 you should just marry shane!!! it would prove to everyone how serious you are about each other!  and it’d be so cute!!!

8:03 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 3.2k retweets | 7.9k likes

Boston Bob @bbobboston

I swear to god we can’t have fucking anything anymore. tell me why this gay shit has to ruin the fucking raiders. @ilyarozanov81 you know that Hollander can suck your dick in boston too right

8:09 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.3k retweets | 5.9k likes

HOT TALK NEWS @HotTalk

EXCLUSIVE—Boston Raiders’ Captain Ilya Rozanov to Pursue Canadian Residency Through Spouse-Like Sponsorship Program. Full Article Available. 

6:36 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 333.6k retweets | 501.2k likes

papa johns tuscan six @account37abc

“20-something b*sexual manwhore doesn’t want to get married” okay so fork found in kitchen jfc dont piss me off

8:13 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.5k retweets | 5.7k likes

HOT TALK NEWS @HotTalk

EXCLUSIVE—Boston Raiders’ Captain Ilya Rozanov to Pursue Canadian Residency Through Spouse-Like Sponsorship Program. Full Article Available. 

6:36 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 333.6k retweets | 501.2k likes

janice eats @pastaaaaaaaa11

“What made you think you’d be persecuted if you got married” *gestures at entire life*

this is about to be the greatest visa application in the history of immigration 

7:13 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 158 retweets | 432 likes

rose patrol @t_wilson17

this article should be attached to the fucking application omfg

7:58 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 3 retweets | 25 likes

weed whacker 9000 @yspeakssss

Wouldn’t this only be an option before they got outed tho? Like I thought this was for if you couldn’t get married. Which like. That was probably true BEFORE but I don’t see what’s stopping them NOW. kinda shutting the stable door after the horse left on this one…  

8:19 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 95 likes

Jon Turner @j_turns

@yspeakssss  They’re not eligible for this visa. Either this is another gimmick for attention or their lawyer is a moron 

8:32 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 95 likes

rose patrol @t_wilson17

um you did NOT just say that about Andrea 

8:46 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 101 retweets | 321 likes

Rachel Yacoub @yacoubrach

Not the people on my feed having 0 critical thinking skills as usual. Sigh.

It is NOT okay to be mad at Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov for not getting married because you want the uwu Hollanov wedding. But we can validly question why they expect the entire world to stop for a relationship they’re obviously not serious about. They’re trying to shut down an entire industry + affect other people’s jobs but don’t want to actually commit to each other. We’re allowed to ask why. 

8:19 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 20.3k retweets | 51.7k likes

smashing pumpkins @account17864

Not everyone suddenly being shocked that Ilya Rozanov doesn’t want to marry Shane Hollander after he spent his entire adult life fucking his way across the continental United States. dude had a girl in every port and hollander was just one of them stop being so gullible

8:46 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 17.3k retweets | 34.8k likes

Darcy @d_artsy

I thought the playboy thing was just a cover for their relationship??

9:13 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 57 likes

donaught try me @dtm17

Nah i live in Boston and you can’t go to the club without tripping over one of rozanov’s flings. Dudes been sleeping around on hollander this entire time 

9:15 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 117 retweets | 346 likes

Darcy @d_artsy

Yeah says who? The girls?? People lie you know,,,

9:13 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11 retweets | 32 likes

zinc deficiency @zeebs14

shane hollanders pussy must be INSANE to have this man chasing it to fucking OTTAWA

8:57 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13.2k retweets | 63.9k likes

coffee or death @caffeineblazer

Coolest things Ilya Rozanov has ever done:

    2. This

    1. Shane Hollander 

[Video: Ilya Rozanov and Cliff Marleau stand across from each other on a penthouse balcony, hands clasped in a handshake. Rozanov wears a white blazer over his bare chest. Cliff Marleau wears a black button-up with all the buttons undone. The Stanley Cup sits on the table behind them. As the video begins, “Take Me Out,” by Frank Ferdinand starts to play. 

Rozanov pours a bottle of Kauffman Luxury Private Collection Vodka over their joined hands. When the bottle is empty, Marleau brings up a lit lighter and sets the alcohol alight. With their hands still on fire, Marleau and Rozanov calmly shake, release, and slap each other across the face. Fire explodes with the contact. Marleau and Rozanov quickly jerk back from each other, shaking the fire off and laughing.]

10:39 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 333.1k retweets | 621.2k likes

…

Shane Hollander

14 December 2006, 16:57

It’s going to be two more for rides home. 

Is that okay?

Sorry I didn’t know.

Plenty of room in the car.

Were some of the other boys from the team able to come after all?

No. 

Jake’s girlfriend showed up. 

And her friend Jessica. 

Huh

Just the four of you?

Yeah

Jessica’s been coming around to a lot of things lately 

I guess 

And all of the other guys on the team happened to get busy tonight and drop out?

Dad stop

Shaney I hate to be the one to tell you this but there’s a CHANCE that your buddies are trying to set you up on a date 

Yeah well I told them not to

Oh so they’ve been trying already?

You don’t like her?

I don’t have time to date 

I’m too busy

I already told them not to

Hold your horses there 

Being busy is different from not liking her

Do you like her or not?

I don’t know 

She’s fine 

The guys think we’d be good together 

I’ve just got a lot going on right now 

I know you’ve got a lot on your plate kiddo but you still gotta take time to be a person 

It’s okay to take a break from hockey you know 

Dad I don’t want to take a break from hockey 

I just don’t have time to date right now 

And I told them that already

I think maybe you should give this girl a chance 

It’s normal to get your first girlfriend around this age you know 

I was your age when I started playing the field 

Dad ew that’s so gross 

Can we not talk about this 

Right sorry your mother and I just materialized into being when you were born

We’ve never been young

Just a couple of old fossils that never even got to be dinosaurs

Please stop

 Do me a favor and give this girl a shot tonight. Jessica seems nice. I think you’ll end up liking her back if you give her a chance 

Maybe 

I guess that’s what the guys keep saying 

See? Great minds 

I’ll pick you all up at 9

Have fun 

Yeah okay

I’ll try

…

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

Good morning Rosies!!

[Gif: A smiling Rose Landry blows a kiss at the camera.]

9:00 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 9.2k retweets | 47.9k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

Reminder to make sure that the #NHLBoycott is in FULL SWING today. We have FOUR games confirmed for tonight: 

1. Montreal Metros  v. Seattle Hydras 
2. New York Admirals v. Calgary Sparks
3. Tampa Bay Thunder v. St. Louis Reds  
4. Edmonton Drillers v. Minnesota Nomads

9:03 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 101k retweets | 427.9k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

Out of the eight teams playing tonight, Hayden Pike (Metros) and Scott Hunter (Admirals) are the ONLY players that have confirmed that they will join the strike. 

The Metros and the Admirals are our main targets because they’re Shane Hollander and Scott Hunter’s teams but remember that we want this strike to be across the ENTIRE nhl. No one is exempt so flood every player’s socials!! We can do this Rosies!!!

9:06 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 213.4k retweets | 451.6k likes

jordan thinks a lot @jwaccount

Me: yes good morning internet how is the world toda—

You assholes: *already being freaks about Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov on my feed* 

Me: 

[Image: Ben Affleck stands outside of a building holding a cigarette. He looks exasperated and exhausted.] 

It is 9 in the morning you guys 

9:18 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 19.2k retweets | 47.9k likes

jordan thinks a lot @jwaccount

Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov have been out for five minutes how about we give them a few weeks before we demand that they be wed 

9:20 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 3.7k retweets | 7.2k likes

guns no roses @gnrtweets

So I wanted to see who this Andrea with her powerful briefcase is. and guys. 

[Image: A woman strides purposefully into a downtown building without looking at the camera. She is wearing a dark blue suit. In her hand is a very large brown briefcase.] 

9:29 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 107.3k retweets | 349.7k likes

andreas terrifying briefcase @burn1899

you could dam a river with that thing

9:53 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7.9k retweets | 21.3k likes

puppy bowl victory lap @asdfgh178

Andrea pls rail me on top of that landing strip you call a briefcase 

9:55 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11.5k retweets | 32k likes

Boycott the NHL @yasmin_account32

Hey so as a reminder the reason why we are boycotting the NHL is because a historically homophobic sport has proven once again that it will persecute queer players irrespective of their actual talent and every single time you guys put Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov on trial to see if they’re “good enough” for all this effort you ignore the thousands of closeted athletes whose safety will be impacted by what happens here. Just. As a reminder. 

9:32 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 507 retweets | 1.1k likes

tom @tharris76

I’m sorry but nothing is going to convince me that this entire NHL boycott nonsense isn’t just a sloppy coverup. The NHL is investigating their players for game-rigging not for being gay. If Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov actually had nothing to hide then they’d let this investigation clear them. Instead they’re trying to stop it from happening entirely because they’re trying to cover something up. People who have nothing to hide don’t act the way they’re acting. 

9:39 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 16.7k retweets | 51.9k likes

RAIDERS WIN @account76509

BAHAHAHAHAHA so not only did rozanov train that metros dipshit to gag on it but he’s got him so desperate for it that he’ll keep putting out without roz even pretending like he’s going to marry him after. I don’t even care if he’s leaving the raiders after hearing this he’s a LEGEND hes a KING 

9:48 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13.5k retweets | 49.8k likes

HOT TALK NEWS @HotTalk

EXCLUSIVE—Boston Raiders’ Captain Ilya Rozanov to Pursue Canadian Residency Through Spouse-Like Sponsorship Program. Full Article Available. 

6:36 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 333.6k retweets | 501.2k likes

…

r/parentingadvice

throwaway16232927263| 7mos

EMERGENCY: I (48M) just walked in on my son (21M) with another man. What do I do?

Dear internet, 

I need emergency advice. For years, I’ve suspected that my son may be gay, but he’s never come out to me and I didn’t want to ask and make him feel obligated to tell me before he was ready. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the LGBTQ+ community and know that getting to come out on your own terms can be very important. My son’s career isn’t the most welcoming to gay people and I was worried he was afraid about people finding out. I didn’t want to pressure him and make this moment a negative experience. 

Well I’ve royally screwed that one up. I just walked in his house and saw him kissing another man. I’ve outed him and I don’t know how to fix this. 

I didn’t mean to do this, I swear. And I don’t normally go strolling into my son’s house without knocking. He’s on his off season from work and normally we spend that time together. A little over a week ago, he had us over for dinner and told us he was planning to spend a couple weeks doing a silent meditation alone and that we shouldn’t come over in that time. His mom and I didn’t think anything was strange with that and told him we’d leave him be. 

Like a dolt, I forgot my phone charger at his house. I decided to finally go back and get it and tried to call him on my wife's phone so he’d know I was coming. He didn’t answer, which I thought was because of the silence. I figured I’d just zip in and out and that with any luck he wouldn’t even know I was there. 

Well, he knows I was there. We made prolonged eye contact after the man he was kissing noticed me standing in his kitchen like an idiot. 

I recognized the man. He’s another professional from my son’s field. They’re competitors. Never in a million years would I have guessed he was dating my son. I have so many questions and I know I shouldn’t ask any of them. I’ve outed my son and his boyfriend before they were ready. I feel awful. 

I just got back in the car and left before he came inside. We haven’t talked yet. I didn’t want to force him. 

I don’t know what to do. My wife keeps asking me if something happened and I keep telling her nothing did but the woman’s ability to ferret out information would be envied in Guantanamo. I don’t want to lie to her but I’m not going to do this to my son twice in one day. Please help me fix this.  

jellyfishparade | 7mos

YOU RAN?????

 

snoopykadoo  | 7mos

*checks the username again* YOUR SON THE PRO FOOTBALL PLAYER??

 

porcupinepleasantries  | 7mos

you know what I don’t actually know what you should do in this situation but it definitely isn’t this 

 

[deleted] | 7mos

GO BACK RIGHT NOW

Letting him do this on his terms was the right idea but that’s for BEFORE you walk in on him with another man. He may take the fact that you ran as a rejection and he’s definitely freaking out right now. Go back, explain what happened, and TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM. YOU CAN DO THIS. 

doomsdaydeviceno4 | 7mos

AND TELL YOUR WIFE  

[deleted] | 7mos

DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE. LET YOUR SON DO IT. HE CAN STILL HAVE A GOOD EXPERIENCE COMING OUT TO HER ON HIS OWN TERMS. 

 

fantasmal67 | 7mos

CAN YOU PLEASE CLARIFY AS TO WHETHER THIS IS YOUR SON THE FAMOUS PRO FOOTBALL PLAYER. WAS HE KISSING ANOTHER FAMOUS PRO FOOTBALL PLAYER. WE NEED MORE INFORMATION COME BACK. 

drsnooze | 7mos

that post was fake and so is this one. look at the ages. he’s not even trying to keep them straight.  

dinosaurdrink| 7mos

Possibility #1: he already said he was changing ages so he just picked random ones. Funnier Possibility #2: this guy has multiple disastrously gay football playing sons and this is just the first one he’s walked in on

 

patrickstar17 | 7mos

I’m sorry if this is real it is so funny. imagine you’re a closeted star nfl player carrying on a secret affair with your fellow closeted star nfl player and your fucking dad walks in on you and before you can say anything he fucks off so fast that it leaves a dust cloud 

 

account12985 | 7mos

this guy’s son the star nfl quarterback, covering up his secret gaycation: imagine a silent retreat—

 

marchnmay | 7mos

OP you need to tell your son you aren’t upset and that you accept him ASAP. He’s probably terrified right now. Call him, text him, get back in the car, but he needs to know. 

 

tortillafactoryline | 7mos

a WEEK? dude how dead was your phone  

 

partybuster | 2d

This is so funny now that we know this was Shane Hollander’s dad. Dave you really were having a hell of a day weren’t you 

flowersforfran | 1d

Me finding out that Shane Hollander is gay and dating another nhl player: ILYA ROZANOV???

Shane Hollander’s dad finding out Shane Hollander is gay and dating another nhl player, apparently: ILYA ROZANOV???

…

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

@HotTalk andrea is going to find out who tells you these things and she is going to turn them into an ugly fucking hat 

9:57 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 21.3k retweets | 57.9k likes

HOT TALK NEWS @HotTalk

EXCLUSIVE—Boston Raiders’ Captain Ilya Rozanov to Pursue Canadian Residency Through Spouse-Like Sponsorship Program. Full Article Available. 

6:36 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 333.6k retweets | 501.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Internet would you calm down. Is exhausting. Can’t even sleep anymore without waking up to everyone angry over something that is not even true. No I am not doing what hot talk says I am doing. they are lying like always 

9:58 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 39.7k retweets | 92.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: A photograph of a Hot Talk magazine cover. Rose Landry walks down the road in a hat and sunglasses. She is wearing an oversized blue hoodie. 

Across the top of the magazine, it reads: “It’s TWINS”: Rose Landry PREGNANT with Hockey Princelings

In the corner of the image, there is a bubble containing a zoomed-in clipping of Rose’s stomach covered by the hoodie. It is flat. Next to the image in bright yellow letters are the words: “BABY BUMP??”

Below there is a column of bulleted text reading:

• Shandry Break-Up FAKE—Inside Their SECRET WEDDING
• “She’s Glowing!”: Insiders Tell-All About The Mommy-To-Be
• Hollander Already Practicing With Fan’s Babies—“He Can’t Wait To Be A Dad!”

Next to the last bullet, there is a small, square window containing a photograph of Shane Hollander standing with a harried Hayden Pike. They appear to be at the zoo. Hayden is in the process of handing a baby off to Shane. Behind them, a young blonde girl has a young brunette girl pinned to the ground in a headlock. Their faces are not visible.]

yes they are always liars. @HotTalk why do you not ruin someone else’s life for a change. What did I even do to you 

10:07 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 117.6k retweets | 420.8k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

NO THERE IS STILL NO BABY. Only news is that Rose Landry is big clothes thief who needs to give back ex boyfriends hoodies and that hayden pike should not be always handing his 32 children off to my Shane 

10:11 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 52.3k retweets | 88.8k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

I'm sorry I’m just Shane’s FAN?  Shane and I have played for the same team literally our entire careers. We’re on the same line! WE STAND NEXT TO EACH OTHER DURING GAMES

10:15 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11.9k retweets | 32.7k likes

Rose Landry @rose_landry

I’m not giving Shane’s hoodies back. I stole those fair and square 

10:16 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 54.7k retweets | 98.3k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

I am calling the police

10:17 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13.7k retweets | 43.8k likes

Hayden Pike @therealhaydenpike

I ALSO HAVE TWO STANLEY CUPS BY THE WAY

10:18 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 5.7k retweets | 13.3k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

pike do not be so proud of that for you it was basically participation award

10:20 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 66.7k retweets | 100k likes

Rose Landry @rose_landry

Wait, Ilya, did you think this was real? That’s so funny 

10:22 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 52.1k retweets | 107.3k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

IT WAS NOT SO FUNNY TO ME 

10:22 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 32.4k retweets | 78k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[GIF: Buster from Arthur sits at a computer desk and talks to Arthur. At the bottom of the image, white text reads: 

“You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?”]

my Shane shows me this and it is so funny that I make him send it to me. this is what it is like talking to the internet these days. you all forget the lessons your tv rabbit taught to you. 

10:25 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 75.9k retweets | 169.5k likes

Liv @star1ine

@ilyarozanov81 Is Shane with you???? Tell him to say something too!! 

10:26 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.1k retweets | 3.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

No. I would never tell my Shane to do things he does not want to do. He will decide when he talks to internet. Maybe that is never. Everyone needs to figure out how to be okay with that because I do not like the way you all are acting about him right now. Is not normal

10:27 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 42.7k retweets | 86.3k likes

 

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

“Yes my beautiful Shane will you marry me now that I have put gun to your head. If you say no I will be deported and die probably” wow you are so romantic. do valentines cards next

10:29 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 92.1k retweets | 185.7k likes

George @g_thomas17

@ilyarozanov81 stop wasting your time with other visas and put a ring on it already. It’s not like hollander’s gonna say no and let you get deported after investing a decade into the relationship. 

9:13 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 32.9k retweets | 69.7k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

“Why do they not just get married. Surely relationship is fake.” Maybe we have a lot of other things going on right now. Maybe we have had to spend our whole lives doing things because of what other people want from us and do not want to do same with marriage. Maybe it is just not your business

10:32 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 101.5k retweets | 168.6k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

I am proud to announce that after eight whole years of being in relationship my Shane maybe likes me a little. Maybe would even want to marry me without being ordered to by internet strangers. Is big shock I know 

10:33 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 99k retweets | 183.5k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

so many of you rushing to tell me why I should still ask Shane to marry me right now during terrible awful time when nobody is happy. it is so funny I see me in this bed and I see my Shane in this bed but i do not see any of you in this bed. Almost as if you are not also in this relationship. none of you get a vote stop being so crazy

10:41 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 105.9k retweets | 237.8k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

When I marry my Shane it is not going to be during worst week of our lives and it is not going to be because other people want us to do it. We will be happy and you all will just have to find way to deal with that

10:45 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 231.3k retweets | 499k likes

...

From: david.hollander@gmail.com

Sent: Monday, December 9, 2013 02:09

To: david.hollander@gmail.com

Subject: HW #7 

Dear Shane, 

Some days I wish I could go back and try at being your dad all over again. I don't think I did a very good job. 

Love, 

Dad

...

Carter Vaughn @Carter_Vaughn

As interim team captain of the New York Admirals, I have spoken with the members of my team and we will all be in attendance for our match against the Calgary Sparks tonight. We hope to give everyone watching a good show. 

11:32 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 175.9k retweets | 232.1k likes

Chapter End Notes

Thank you to Karmauh for helping with the handles for the accounts!

Chapter 6: 01.15.18

Chapter Notes

TW: implied/referenced suicide, homophobia

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

Hey everyone it’s ya boi Tyler and I’m starting a new series I like to call “tweets from metros fans who picked up on the fact that the metros were trying to kill Shane Hollander months before some dipshit outed him and we all found out that they were legitimately trying to straight up murder him in real life.” it's a working title.  

12:16 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 17.2k retweets | 34.8k likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

Before this season, the metros had exactly two things going for them as a team: One was Shane Hollander, and the other was the fact that the rest of the team knew how to support Shane Hollander. Everyone but @therealhaydenpike forgot how to do the second one this season. I wonder why?

12:18 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 37.9k retweets | 51.6k likes

montreal baybee @cameronh78

jfc the metros are a wash this season. did every fucking person forgot how to play except for Hollander. istg he’s the only one who’s ever anywhere near the puck 

9:16 P.M. | 17 Oct 2017 | 3.9k retweets | 8k likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

Hockey’s an intense sport. It’s a fast sport. It’s a rough sport. It’s a team sport. And if your team decides it doesn’t want to play with you anymore, then it is suddenly a very dangerous sport. 

12:21 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 53k retweets | 101.5k likes

Ryan @ryanwrites

I swear to god if Shane Hollander spends another season on injury reserve bc the dipshits on his team forgot how to play I will lose my fucking mind. We literally just got him back why the fuck is everyone hanging him out to dry all of a sudden. SUPPORT YOUR FUCKING CENTER 

11:03 P.M. | 08 Dec 2017 | 11.9k retweets | 33.8k likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

Fun fact: Hockey is such a high intensity sport that you have to constantly switch out your players so they don’t get burned out. If you keep them on the ice too long, their reaction times get slower and the player may get hurt. Your average line shift in the NHL is 45 seconds.  

Unless you’re Shane Hollander this season. Then your average line shift is suddenly FOUR MINUTES AND SEVENTEEN SECONDS. More than five times the industry standard!

12:25 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 104.2k retweets | 432.3k likes

Gary Tate @gary_tate

did the metros coach forget he had players other than Hollander? He’s been on the ice for half the game CHANGE THE FUCKING LINE ALREADY

12:16 P.M. | 13 Nov 2017 | 502 retweets | 1.3k likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

One of these is not like the others! Can you guess which one? 

Here’s a hint: two of them happen if you’re the greatest hockey player to ever live. The other happens if your coach wants you to be injured or killed during a game. Which one could it be? 

12:32 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 225k retweets | 501.7k likes

Hank Mayberry @maybe(rry)hank

[Image 1: A screenshot of a ranked list, reading: 

Most Points by an NHL Player in a Season

  1. Shane Hollander (2015-2016) — 217
  2. Ilya Rozanov (2013-2014) — 215
  3. Ilya Rozanov (2015-2016) — 213
  4. Shane Hollander (2012-2013) — 208
  5. Ilya Rozanov (2012-2013) — 206
  6. Shane Hollander (2011-2012) — 205
  7. Shane Hollander (2014-2015)— 199
  8. Ilya Rozanov  (2011-2012) — 195 
  9. Luigi Durand (1988-1989) — 183
  10. Scott Hunter (2013-2014) — 176]

[Image 2: A screenshot of a ranked list, reading: 

Most Goals by an NHL Player in a Season

  1. Ilya Rozanov (2013-2014) — 95
  1. Shane Hollander (2015-2016) — 95
  3. Ilya Rozanov (2015-2016) — 89
  4. Ilya Rozanov (2012-2013) — 86
  5. Shane Hollander (2011-2012) — 83
  6. Shane Hollander (2012-2013) — 80
  7. Lind Lidström (1983-1984)— 74
  8. Ilya Rozanov  (2011-2012) —  71
  9. Luigi Durand (1986-1987) — 68
  10. Shane Hollander (2014-2015) — 66]

[Image 3: A screenshot of a ranked list, reading: 

Longest Line Shifts in NHL History

  1. Shane Hollander (2017-2018) — 10:22
  2. Shane Hollander (2017-2018) — 10:19
  3. Shane Hollander (2017-2018) — 09:13
  4. Shane Hollander (2017-2018) — 09:07
  5. Shane Hollander (2017-2018) — 08:59
  6. Ilya Rozanov (2014-2015) — 07:16
  7. Shane Hollander (2014-2015) — 07:14
  8. Ilya Rozanov (2014-2015) — 06:53
  8. Shane Hollander (2014-2015) — 06:53
  10. Shane Hollander (2017-2018) — 06:48]

my favorite type of hockey records are the ones that are just Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov one upping each other on endless loop 

11:23 A.M. | 09 Jan 2018 | 75.8k retweets | 153k likes

 

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

Metros fans have been joking for years that Shane Hollander might as well do it all himself but for this season, it’s been true. His ice time has been ridiculous so he’s been in play non-stop. Half of his teammates just straight up stopped going near him on the ice. He has been sent out there to play game after game exposed, exhausted, and isolated. That’s not bad locker room culture; that’s setting your teammate up to be hurt  

12:35 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 200k retweets | 513.2k likes

thee number 24 @hollanderblog

I see the metros have decided to drop the pretenses and just have Shane Hollander be the whole team this season…

1:16 P.M. | 24 Nov 2017 | 101 retweets | 2.9k likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

Shane Hollander probably has the most dedicated following out of everyone in the league. His fans will tell you that this season has been fucking weird. It was like his own team got together and decided to sabotage their best player, which sounded crazy until this leak happened and everyone realized that’s exactly what they were doing. And it’s not just the fans who have noticed how weird the metros have been. Players have been noticing too. 

12:36 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 98.1k retweets | 180k likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

If you think that Shane Hollander’s ice time this season was normal or a planned strategy, let’s see what @therealhaydenpike had to say about it at the start of this season. 

12:39 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 245k retweets | 672.9k likes

Metros Twenty-Four @tashagrace

[Video: A shaky video films rinkside at the first Metros game of the 2017-2018 season. In the corner of the frame, the Metros bench can be seen. 

Hayden Pike sits at the edge of the bench, visibly agitated. At his side is a tense J.J. Dagenais. Dagenais repeatedly glances at something out of the frame. 

Shane Hollander skates quickly past the glass in front of the camera. Two players from the Detroit Red Hawks are tight on his heels. 

Hollander weaves around another Detroit player and takes a shot at the goal. It bounces off the goalie’s knee pad. Before the puck hits the ice, Hollander intercepts it midair with the blade of his stick, hooks it upwards, and sends it flying past the goalie’s glove. It strikes soundly into the upper corner of the net. 

The crowd explodes with cheering. Air horns fire throughout the stadium. A short clip of Without Me by Eminem begins to play, beginning with the verse, “Guess who’s back, back again?”

Hollander glides around the goal with his arms outstretched as the crowd screams his name. The camera captures his smile. 

The image pans up to focus on the Jumbotron, which is replaying Hollander’s goal in slow-motion and from multiple angles. The display reflects that the game has just under thirteen minutes remaining in the first period.  The Metros lead the score 2-0.  

At the bottom of the display is a line of headshots for the five active Metros' players. Below each headshot is a timer counting how long they’ve been on the ice. The display reflects that every player bar Shane Hollander has been on the ice between fifteen seconds and one minute and nine seconds.

The display under Shane Hollander’s headshot reads “07:12” in bright red text. 

From the loudspeakers, an announcer thunders, “METROS GOAL.” More air horns sound. “COURTESY OF NUMBER 24, SHANE HOLLANDER.” The applause becomes deafening. The announcer adds, “SECOND GOAL OF THE GAME, SECOND GOAL OF THE SEASON AND WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN—GET YOUR HATS READY, PEOPLE, BECAUSE SHANE HOLLANDER IS BACK AND HE IS BETTER THAN EVER.”

The audience screams with cheers. 

The players start to drift towards one of the faceoff dots. Hollander skates towards the bench. There is a barely noticeable hunch to his shoulders. 

The camera pans to the Metros’ bench just in time to catch Coach Theriault shake his head and wave Hollander back. 

The camera returns to Hollander. He has stopped on the ice to stare at his coach. His face is unreadable. For a moment, his gaze flickers to meet Pike’s. 

Then, he turns and skates calmly back towards the faceoff dot. 

Unhappy murmuring rumbles through the crowd. 

Pike explodes to his feet. 

“Are you fucking crazy?” Pike screams at Theriault. Furious, he slams his hand into the glass separating him from the audience. It ripples under the force. “Hey! Change the fucking line.”

Theriault doesn’t look at him. Detroit wins the face off. Hollander skates furiously after the puck. His pace has begun to flag. 

The man standing next to the person holding the camera murmurs, “What the fuck are they doing?” He reaches across the camera frame to pound on the glass dividing the crowd from the Metros’ bench. 

“Hey!” he shouts. “Dipshit! Get Hollander off the ice already!” 

Other members of the audience begin to join him. Multiple people can be heard shouting. A bucket of popcorn is thrown at the glass by Theriault’s head.   

The person holding the camera joins in and bangs on the glass. 

“Do you want him to get injured again?” a woman’s voice shouts. “Get Hollander off the ice!” 

“Get him off the ice!” shouts Pike. He sounds furious. He sounds afraid. 

At his side, Dagenais leans over. “Coach, just let him off already. Come on!” 

The rest of the Metros bench stares at the ground. They do not look at the shouting audience. They do not look at Shane Hollander.  

Theriault’s jaw ticks. He raises his hand and waves to Hollander. Hollander immediately leaves play and skates back to the bench. Another player from the bench stands up to take his place.  

A scattered ripple of applause runs through the audience. 

Hollander stumbles as leaves the rink. He sits down hard on the bench next to Pike and Dagenais, almost directly next to the person holding the camera, with only the pane of glass separating them. He is visibly flushed with exertion. 

Dagenais immediately tries to give him water. Hollander shakes his head, still struggling for breath. Brow pinched, Dagenais pushes the water towards him again. Hollander takes it. 

Pike grips him by the shoulder. The camera catches the profile of his face, pinched with concern.

“Are you good?” he demands. Hollander doesn’t reply. Pike’s jaw tightens. “Shane.”

Just barely, the camera picks up Hollander replying, “Yep. I’m great.” 

He is staring at his coach. Theriault does not look in his direction. Every player save Dagenais and Pike appears to be avoiding Hollander’s eyes. The video ends.]

legitimately what the fuck was going on with the metros bench tonight

11:49 P.M. | 7 Oct 2017 | 1.3M retweets | 2.7M likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

The Metros have spent this entire season making half-assed statements to the press about testing out new strategies and developing new plays to excuse how long they’ve been leaving Hollander on the ice. Every time they pushed it far enough to make fans upset, they would back off on Hollander for a few games and then start slowing upping his ice time again. 

12:43 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 111k retweets | 371.1k likes

ESPN @ESPN

Colorado Cascade’s Jake Donahue shared an unusual moment on the ice tonight with Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander…

[Video: The Colorado Cascade’s captain, Jake Donahue, stands in the hall outside the locker rooms for a post-game interview. Next to him stands a woman holding a microphone. 

“You had a strange penalty with the Metros’ captain tonight that a lot of fans are wondering about,” the woman says. “Tell us a little about what happened.” 

“I mean, the whole thing was weird,” replies Donahue. He looks perturbed. “This shouldn’t have been a weird game, you know? But it was. I’m not sure what was going on with the Metros’ coach tonight, but it shouldn’t have been happening.” 

“You’re referring to how much time Hollander spent on the ice?” 

Donahue’s jaw ticks with irritation. He drags a hand through his hair. “Yeah, like, they had him out there for like, ten minutes straight. Like, what was that? I’ve never even heard of someone being on the ice for that long. That’s fuc—sorry, but that’s, that’s insane. And it’s not like this is the playoffs or, or we were at the end of the third or something. There was no reason for it.” 

“You and Hollander ultimately ended up leaving the ice at the same time when you both received penalties for conduct against the other. And, excuse me for saying this, but a lot of fans are speculating that you and Hollander agreed to the penalties in advance.” 

The image cuts to a replay of the game. A wide shot sweeps across Ball Arena during a Cascade v. Metros game. The bottom of the screen is lined with the headshots of five Metros’ players, including Shane Hollander. Beneath each headshot, there is a timestamp in white text. Each of the timestamps read at less than a minute, save Hollander’s. 

Shane Hollander’s time reads “10:22” in bright red text. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Alright, folks, looks like, uh, looks like the Metros are keeping Shane Hollander on the ice to handle another face off.”

A long beat passes in silence. 

ANNOUNCER 2: “I think he just broke his own record for longest line shift, actually.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “If he did, that’s the third or fourth time this season.”

ANNOUNCER 2, uneasy: “We’ve definitely seen a new strategy come out of the Metros’ bench these past couple months when it comes to Shane Hollander. Seems like they’re trying to maximize how much time he spends on the ice. And as much as I like seeing Hollander in play, can’t say I agree with their strategy here.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “You really have to wonder what the thought process was behind this one. Hollander’s an elite talent, but I’ve never seen a player be regularly kept on the ice for such long intervals. Seems like an unnecessary risk—especially for a tested element like Hollander.”

Both teams approach one of the faceoff dots. The camera lingers on Hollander as he skates over. He appears to be visibly exhausted. At his side skates Donahue, who’s grabbed him by the elbow, head ducked towards Hollander’s ear. Donahue appears to be whispering something urgently to Hollander. Hollander hesitates, then nods. 

Donahue releases Hollander’s arm and immediately swings his stick half-heartedly at Hollander’s helmet. A beat behind him, Hollander lightly slashes at Donahue’s leg with the blade of his stick. 

One of the referees immediately raises one hand. The camera pans to focus on him. 

“Colorado Number 31, two minute minor penalty, high-sticking,” announces the referee. “Montreal Number 24, two minute minor penalty, slashing.” 

The camera returns to Hollander and Donahue. Donahue nods and claps Hollander on the back twice. Hollander appears to say something to him, but his words cannot be made out. Together, they skate across the rink to the penalty boxes. 

An uncertain mixture of booing and applause trails them. 

ANNOUNCER 2: Huh. Can’t say I’m mad about that one. 

ANNOUNCER 1: Never thought I’d be glad to see Hollander in the penalty box, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. 

The camera cuts to Donahue in his penalty box. He is staring in the direction of the Metros’ penalty box. His jaw is set in a tight line. 

The image switches to the Metros’ penalty box. Hollander sits on the bench with his head leaned back, eyes closed and chest heaving. He is visibly trembling with exertion.

The scene returns to Donahue’s post-game interview. 

“I mean, I’m not gonna lie about what happened,” says Donahue, folding his arms across his chest. He looks uncomfortable. “No, I, I went up him and told him that we could both take a minor and give him a chance to catch his breath. I know Hollander pretty well, I knew he wasn’t going to just take a penalty on his own and leave us with the power play, so I said if he did it then I’d take one too.”

“Did the fact that Hollander used to be your team captain have anything to do with why you made that offer?” 

“I mean, no?” Donahue sounds exasperated. “Hollander and I haven’t been on the same team since we were kids. Look, as far as I’m concerned, I saw another player who was gonna get hurt and helped him out. I would have made the same offer for any player who’d been on the ice for that long. The fact that it was Hollander had nothing to do with it.” 

“Do you think your fans are going to appreciate you helping out a player from the other team?” asks the interviewer. “Especially when that player’s Shane Hollander. A lot of people would say he doesn't need any help.” 

Donahue’s voice takes on an edge of annoyance. “Honestly? I don’t really care. Look, I love the fans; I love my job; I love the competition. I try to win every game, I really do. But at the end of the day, this is a game and I’m not going to kill someone over it.” Bitterly, he adds, “If the Metros could remember that, that’d be great.”

The interviewer sounds bemused. “Are you saying the Metros are trying to kill Shane Hollander?”

“I’m saying whatever they’re doing is [BLEEP] weird!” he snaps. He sounds angry. “I mean, what the [BLEEP] was that tonight? You know, if I can [BLEEP] tell that Hollander needed to be off the ice, they can [BLEEP] tell. I dunno why it was on me to do something about it. Maybe ask their coach what his problem is, because every time Hollander tried to switch tonight, that [BLEEP] ordered him to keep going. And you know what, I don’t care if I piss someone off for saying that. I know what I saw.” 

Donahue shakes his head in open frustration and storms off. The image cuts to the ESPN logo.] 

11:19 P.M. | 07 Jan 2018 | 765.8k retweets | 1.1M likes

Tyler Landry @tyler_landry

If you think the NHL’s intentions are good, compare any of Shane Hollander’s old games to the games he’s played since he came out to his team. He went from being one of the most supported players in the entire league to being hung out to dry every single game. Watching the Metros this season has been like watching a murder attempt in slow motion. And now we know that that’s exactly what it was. 

12:51 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 198.9k retweets | 401.5k likes

…

Shane Hollander

09 Aug 2017, 07:13

Hey son, I know today’s the big day and I just wanted you to know how proud your mother and I are of you. It takes a lot of courage to do this.  

 I don’t want you to worry going in today—your team is your family and always will be. They’ll understand. 

Thanks dad. Love you. Call you tonight. 

09 Aug 2017, 11:16

 I don’t know about this. 

Have you done it already?

Ignore that—stupid question 

If you’re not ready today then don’t do it. It can wait until you feel right. 

I know that 

I know why I decided to tell them

And I don’t want to not tell them

I feel like I’m making Hayden lie for me

He isn’t. He’s got your back. And so will the rest of your team. 

You’ve been with them for years. They’re gonna understand. 

I don’t think they’d want you to force yourself to do this before you’re ready either. This can wait for another day.

No you’re right 

Thanks dad

I think I’m gonna do it. 

But just. Just the part about me. 

You’ve got this!

I’m proud of you kiddo

…

NHL Rescinds Pride Tape Ban After New York Admirals’ Carter Vaughn Defies Rule

19 Dec 2016 • 1:32 P.M. EST

[Image: A smiling Carter Vaughn stands at the edge of the rink during warm-ups for a New York Admirals’ game. He is using the tip of his stick to toss a puck over the edge of the glass to an eager young fan. The tip of his stick is wrapped in rainbow-colored tape.]

In early 2016, a few bright pinpricks of color appeared on NHL ice. A handful of players across the League elected to trade in the standard white or black tape for rainbow-colored Pride Tape, a novel, grassroots effort to build inclusion and support for young LGBTQ+ players who might otherwise quit playing ice hockey rather than face homophobia and discrimination. The idea behind the project was simple: with just a bit of tape, players could show their queer fans that they had a place on the ice.  

But just as quickly as that message began to spread, the NHL Commissioner's Office seemed to take the opposite stance. Despite nominally espousing slogans like Hockey is For Everyone, the League abruptly banned rainbow tape at the start of the 2016-2017 season. 

The sudden shift came after several NHL players came under fire last season for refusing to wear Pride Night themed jerseys, with some citing religious or political reasons. The Commissioner’s Office’s response? To do away with the themed nights, themed jerseys, and themed tape entirely. 

“It’s not political,” NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell said in defense of the ban. “The League is just trying to eliminate a distraction. The issue of who wants to wear what jersey was completely overshadowing everything our teams were doing. By taking away the distraction, our players are able to focus on doing their best on the ice.” 

Not every player agreed. Foremost amongst them? New York Admirals’ right-wing Carter Vaughn, who became the first player to openly defy the ban when he continued to wrap his stick in the prohibited colors.  

“Yeah, they can punish me if they want,” laughed Vaughn, in a post-game interview with ESPN. “I dunno. I guess we’ll see how these next few weeks go for me. I just felt like someone had to do it, you know? It’s important that kids who feel like they don’t belong in hockey can look down at our games and think, ‘No, I do have a place here.’ And if I have a chance to in some way show them that, then I’m going to do that.” 

His teammates, Vaughn admitted, did not know that he would be publicly protesting the ban in advance. 

“I just taped my stick and walked out there,” said Vaughn. “It wasn’t anything more than that.” 

Following his protest, the Commissioner’s Office quietly fined Vaughn $2,500 for his rule violation—which was later rescinded following intense public backlash.

“Yeah, I didn’t have to pay that thing,” Vaughn told this reporter, in a CNN exclusive interview. “It was kind of amazing how many people offered to do it for me. My captain, Scott Hunter, he pulled me aside right after the fine came down and told me he was going to pay it instead. I had ten more offers before the day was over. Total strangers offered to pay it for me. In the end, none of us had to, so that’s good.”

Vaughn’s defiance may have been simple in theory, but it made a big impact. Just a few short weeks after Vaughn launched his public protest, the NHL Commissioner’s Office issued a short statement rescinding its ban. In the statement, Crowell continued to defend the rule as “well intentioned” and “badly misconstrued by the press.” Still, the Commissioner’s Office ultimately concluded that it was in the players’ best interests to allow the optional use of multicolored tape. 

It’s unclear how many players will take advantage of the opportunity. But for Carter Vaughn, continuing to use the tape is a “no-brainer.” 

“I guess I realized one day that I didn’t know any gay hockey players,” Vaughn explained. “And I’ve been playing hockey since I was six. I’ve been playing professionally for five, six years now, met hundreds of players in that time, and not a single one of them was gay. And that’s weird, you know? Like, statistically, that shouldn’t be happening. Something’s really wrong if you’ve got a whole group of people missing from a sport.” 

Vaughn added that he remains “optimistic” that the NHL will one day see a queer player join its ranks. 

“I mean, there has to be one someday, right?” said Vaughn. “Hey, maybe I’ll even get to play with them. I don’t know if it’ll happen while I’m still on the ice, but I hope it does.”

As of the time this article is being written, there is not a single known player in the NHL who is also a member of the LGBTQ+ community.  

More like this:

NHL Bans Multicolored “Pride” Tape in Controversial Rule Update 

New York Admirals’ Captain Scott Hunter Becomes First Openly Gay Player in NHL History

Sex, Hockey, and Shane Hollander: Is the Hockey World Ready for its First On-Ice Love Affair? 

…

juiciest couture @j_jordan

[Image: Shane Hollander crouches on all fours during warm-ups for a game in full uniform. He is doing a rocking frog stretch.]

admittedly there were signs

11:58 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 323.7k retweets | 751.9k likes

Wendy Blake @wblake

man I have got to start watching hockey

12:13 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 107 retweets | 509 likes

cigarette @astyuah

that BACK ARCH tho,,, oh you know he took rozanov’s c*ck like a fucking pro

12:57 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 357 retweets | 986 likes

Abracadaver Jones @carmen17653

cannot believe we are still having the top v. bottom debate when Shane Hollander was out here presenting himself in his most breedable form before every game 

1:32 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2.3k retweets | 5.8k likes

TMZ Sports @TMZ_Sports

Montreal Metros’ Longtime Social Media Manager Abruptly Sacked Following Hollander Scandal. Full Article…

12:01 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 62.9k retweets | 183.7k likes

Josh Lee @joshual19

so we’re just reporting on anything now huh

1:39 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 101 retweets | 329 likes

Tamara Grace @tammysaccount

lol can you imagine you get canned for coming into work late one too many times but you’ve existed in the same building as Shane Hollander so it becomes international news

2:13 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.7k retweets | 2.9k likes

vampire girl @abcaccount123

u guys do know that we're supposed to be tweeting at more than just carter vaughn and jj dagenais rn, right? no? okay   

12:32 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7 retweets | 28 likes

Papa Maggiano's Pizza @PapaMaggianoOttawa

Our new phone line is now up and ready for orders! From the whole Papa Maggiano’s family, thank you to our loyal customers for staying patient with us for an unexpectedly hectic few days. We’re ready to get back to serving you the best slices in Ottawa!   

And please, let’s keep this new line open for customers. Remember, folks, you’ve always had our number, and we don’t know anything about the Hollanders—except that they have great taste in pizza!

12:37 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2.1k retweets | 5.9k likes

Papa Maggiano's Pizza @PapaMaggianoOttawa

We’re holding a special promotion tonight in honor of hometown hero @officialshanehollander. Instead of watching the Metros game, dine in with us for 30% off your order. We’ll be serving up our new house special, The 24, to commemorate Ottawa’s favorite hockey player. Looking for something a little spicier? Try out our new Hot Russian—a vodka sauce pizza with some unexpected heat. 

12:39 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 5.5k retweets | 9.6k likes

Brandon Landry @brandon_landry

@tyler_landry @jason_landry I keep telling you she’s not our sister she can’t be 

12:43 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 88.6k retweets | 232.7k likes

Rose Landry @rose_landry

I thought this would go without saying by now, but I guess not! To the many, many, many people still asking: No, Shane did not get me pregnant, and no, he will not be getting me pregnant. We’re just friends! I do not want to have his baby and he does not want me to have his baby. It’s not going to happen! 

12:07 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 207.6k retweets | 567.3k likes

The New York Times @NYTimes

NHL Commissioner Roger Crowell “doesn’t intend” to push more LGBTQ+ inclusion initiatives following Admirals’ captain’s landmark coming-out: “Politicking shouldn’t be a part of hockey.”

3:49 P.M. | 14 July 2017 | 33.9k retweets | 78.6k likes

Proud Hockey Dad @ProudHockeyDad24

he shouldn’t be a part of being alive 

5:19 P.M. | 14 July 2017 | 98.7k retweets | 147.6k likes

Dabney Curry @dcurry290

ppffssshh this is so funny now YUNA WOULD YOU COME GET YOUR MAN

1:03 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 17.9k retweets | 38.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

[Image: A photograph of a Hot Talk magazine cover. Rose Landry walks down the road in a hat and sunglasses. She is wearing an oversized blue hoodie. 

Across the top of the magazine, it reads: “It’s TWINS”: Rose Landry PREGNANT with Hockey Princelings

In the corner of the image, there is a bubble containing a zoomed-in clipping of Rose’s stomach covered by the hoodie. It is flat. Next to the image in bright yellow letters are the words: “BABY BUMP??”

Below there is a column of bulleted text reading:

• Shandry Break-Up FAKE—Inside Their SECRET WEDDING
• “She’s Glowing!”: Insiders Tell-All About The Mommy-To-Be
• Hollander Already Practicing With Fan’s Babies—“He Can’t Wait To Be A Dad!”

Next to the last bullet, there is a small, square window containing a photograph of Shane Hollander standing with a harried Hayden Pike. They appear to be at the zoo. Hayden is in the process of handing a baby off to Shane. Behind them, a young blonde girl has a young brunette girl pinned to the ground in a headlock. Their faces are not visible.]

yes they are always liars. @HotTalk why do you not ruin someone else’s life for a change. What did I even do to you 

10:07 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 117.6k retweets | 420.8k likes

Raiders’ Ryan @RCarmichael

@ilyarozanov81 cap is this why last march was the worst month of our entire fucking lives 

12:57 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 16.8k retweets | 57.2k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

I have no idea what you are talking about. 

1:03 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 37k retweets | 88.8k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

In unrelated news as captain I order you all to go on five mile training run. do not try to skip I will sense if you do not do this.   

1:03 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 59.1k retweets | 107k likes

Raiders’ Ryan @RCarmichael

 what??? but we’re on strike!!

1:04 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11.5k retweets | 54.9k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

You know why.

1:05 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 88.2k retweets | 137.3k likes

Victor St-Simon @thehockeysaint

FUCK YOU CLIFF

1:06 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 37k retweets | 88.8k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

what?? what did I do???

1:13 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 55k retweets | 92.1k likes

…

81sidehoe

[Image: The image is divided into four frames. In the first frame, Tom from Tom and Jerry closely scrutinizes a sheet of paper. In the second frame, the paper is revealed to read, “Shane Hollander is getting canceled for saying the f-slur.” In the third frame, Tom eagerly looks off-screen, mouth open with delight. In the fourth frame, a pie labeled, “HE WAS SAYING IT ABOUT HIMSELF” slams forcibly into Tom’s face.]

I am never doing a social media detox again are you fucking serious 

17,983 Notes

#I AM LATE ENLISTING TO THE HOLLANOV WARS #cannot fucking believe that our king settled down in the two minutes I was offline #AND IT WAS WITH SHANE HOLLANDER #god I will miss ilya’s whore ways but the trade off is so worth it #WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE TOGETHER #if you told me that our Ilya was going to end up with h*llander a week ago I would have been so upset #he just seems so boring and vanilla #why clip a bad bitch’s wings like that #but no I was wrong and I am here and I am SAT #hes down SO BAD #have you guys seen the family group chat #guys they put ilya IN THE FAMILY GROUP CHAT he’s FAMILY #and every other message is just Ilya going ‘yes Shane my sunshine my soul my darling my whole entire heart I want to hit your enemies with my car and kiss your beautiful face’ #and Shane going ‘hey so as a reminder my parents can see these too’ #THEY ARE SO ENDGAME #the first thing i saw when turning on my phone was discourse about Shane saying the f-slur #like are we reading the same texts #the man was experiencing 9 hate crimes a day i think he can call himself a f***** if he wants #can you bitches please lock in #i cannot believe I’m a fucking Shane Hollander defender now #but oh my god the man was going through it #i do feel kinda bad for all those posts laughing at how much he and the m*tros have been struggling this season #like oooooh noooo that’s not just them not getting along anymore #no they were trying to KILL him #thank god he has Ilya to take care of him now he obviously needs it #ilyas so protective of his Shane #MY HEART 

canadasdriest reblogged hollandernation

thequeenandherking

[Video: A link to a YouTube entitled, “Shane Hollander rescues Rose Landry from aggressive paparazzi.”

The attached video opens to the exterior of Craig’s West Hollywood location in Los Angeles. It is night. Paparazzi swarm the front walk, camera bulbs flashing brightly, as Shane Hollander and Rose Landry exit the restaurant accompanied by a bodyguard.  

Rose offers the press a thin, polite smile. Shane braves the crowd a step ahead of her without smiling, forcing a path through the scrum. The bodyguard tails at Rose’s back, stopping reporters from crowding in behind her. 

Over the chaos, one reporter yells, “Shane, Rose, are you back together?” 

Another can be heard saying, “What do you say to the pregnancy rumors?” 

A third yells, “Shane, any comment on your relationship with the Metros this season?”

Shane’s mouth flattens. He keeps purposefully carving a slow path through the crowd, Rose at his back. He takes another step ahead of her. A few paparazzi seize the opportunity to flood the space between them, cutting Shane off from Rose. Rose is crowded in from all sides, cameras flashing aggressively in her face. She looks frustrated.  Her bodyguard can be heard ordering the press to give her more space.  

Shane immediately surges back towards her, forcing the press out of the way. He snatches her hand in his, then pulls her forward, placing one hand protectively at the small of her back. 

Rose’s bodyguard says, “It’s okay, Shane—”

Shane ignores him and marches Rose directly to a waiting black SUV.  He places her in the back seat and climbs in after her, immediately slamming the door in the reporters’ faces. Rose’s bodyguard climbs into the passenger seat, and the SUV drives away.]

it’s the way he just handled the situation 

shandrydaily

WE ARE SO BACK

hollandersdeliciouscake

on the bed on the couch over the table in the shower against the wall standing up lying down bent over sideways cowgirl reverse cowgirl no lube no protection all day all night—

queenrosie

[Image: A screenshot of a Page Six article. The article is titled, “Shane Hollander Spotted on Walk of Shame from Rose Landry’s Hollywood Address After 3-2 Loss to the L.A. Queens.”

Below the title, there is a photograph of Shane Hollander as he exits a fenced property, wearing the same clothes as he was seen wearing while visiting Craig’s with Rose Landry. It appears to be morning.]

OH SHE RODE HIM DRY 

cadburycremeeggs

If she’s not pregnant already then she will be before the year’s out. Honestly I don’t know who they think they’re fooling they are so obviously still together

lesbianwwe

Rose Landry: Shane Hollander and I are just friends now 

Also Rose Landry: oh yes Shane Hollander who I’m JUST FRIENDS WITH was the best boyfriend I ever had he took such good care of me and was so considerate and respectful and funny and we still text every single day because we are such good friends and we do normal friend things like FUCK LIKE RABBITS AFTER HE BODY SLAMS THE PRESS INTO THE SIDEWALK FOR TOUCHING ME—

I don’t know why they’re lying to us and I don’t care they’re iconic for it and you know their kids are going to be hot  

thequeenandherking

watching this on repeat trying to figure out how the fuck he was gay the whole time

shandryarmy

Ladies and gentlemen we have been witnessing the ironclad bond between a beard and her gay best friend. It’s been an honor serving with you soldiers but it’s time to lay down our arms 

107,383 Notes

#shandry fans how the fuck did we lose the war #tho admittedly a lot more makes sense now that we know he was gay #COULD NOT comprehend why they were insisting they were better off as friends when they were obviously obsessed w each other #now. now i get it. #ppppshhh this is so funny now that we know he was really w Rozanov #coming at this from a Canadian fans perspective we were all ready to #award Rose Landry the Order of Canada for being the one to finally crack Shane Hollander #we thought she took his v-card she was a national hero #non-canadian fans do not understand Canada has been obsessed with that boy since he was 16 # when I was a kid the national news used to run clips of his triple a games bc he was already doing crazier shit than the pros #hockey had gotten sooooo boring and then this little baby freak of nature started tearing it up in ways we’d never seen #we were OBSESSED #my parents are more invested in him having kids than in me having kids #like you don’t understand the entire country wants that man bred like an elite racehorse so his hockey genes live on #BUT THEN HE WOULD NEVER DATE #EVERYONE SAID HE WAS TOO IN LOVE WITH HOCKEY TO HAVE SEX #and there was that super gross video of his old junior olympics teammate calling him a #prude who was scared of sex that went around when he was a rookie or whatever #tho honestly we more thought that guy was like. A rapist. than anything about Shane #oh my godddd Ilya rozanov cracked Shane Hollander #Do we. Do we give him an award. 

elephantinthereadingroom

Shane Hollander is a resting bitch face hall of famer bc what do you mean he successfully hid a stress ulcer from every single person in his life including team canada

2,007 Notes

#shane hollander #guys i just saw the fitness logs y’all were not joking #this is killing me #for years all we ever said about Shane Hollander was that he was the most unflappable guy in hockey #then you look at his fuckin fitness tracker and he was getting #boiled alive under the force of his own anxiety #there was a PROFOUND fucking distress that entered his life in December 2013 #like what the fuck happened did he ever tell his dad #i couldn’t find it #kinda wish he never realized Dave was still added to his account and booted his access #this last season has obviously been the worst for him and we know SO LITTLE about what was really going on

hollanderdefender900 reblogged bridgetonobody

couchcucumber

Is anyone else sort of glad that Shane Hollander got outed? Like, it’s fucking terrible but like. The more I see out of this leak the more I think he kind of needed to be. He was OBVIOUSLY not safe before this and the fact that he was trying so hard to stay in the closet was causing him so much pain and putting him in more and more danger. It’s awful but at least we can help him now…

803 Notes

#shane hollander #i was honestly just thinking this too #ngl I was only vaguely aware of the fact that Shane Hollander existed before this #and now I have never been less normal about someone in my entire life #he makes me so sad #he was so scared of coming out #he didn’t think anyone would accept him #he loves ilya SO MUCH and he had to hide it #we HAVE to take care of him guys he deserves so much better #he must be so scared right now we have to show him it’ll be okay #no one should be outed but they were just going to keep hurting him if he wasn’t

metrosbrotherhood reblogged metrosbrotherhood

metrosbrotherhood

[Gif 1: J.J. Dagenais kneels on the ice mid-game, having lost a blade from one of his skates. He holds onto Shane Hollander’s hand, who is towing him over to the Metros’ bench. Both of them are laughing.]

[Gif 2: Shane Hollander stands on an ice rink holding a microphone. As he gives the interview, his off-camera teammates poke him on all sides with the ends of their hockey sticks. Hollander maintains a straight face.]

[Gif 3: Shane Hollander, J.J. Dagenais, and Hayden Pike pass the puck between the three of them at high speed, evading attempts from L.A. Queens’ players to intercept the puck. Dagenais eventually breaks the pattern, snapping the puck towards the net. It sinks soundly in the corner of the goal. Pike and Hollander both rush over to embrace Dagenais as he lifts his arms in victory.]

[Gif 4: Shane Hollander stands in a tuxedo on a red carpet at the NHL Awards, giving an interview. As he speaks, Gilbert Comeau walks up behind him. As he passes, he adopts a star-struck look, points to Hollander, and whisper-shouts something at the camera. At the bottom of the frame, white text reads, “Is that Shane Hollander?” Hollander struggles to suppress his smile.]

[Gif 5: Shane Hollander, wearing a jersey for Team Canada, banks hard as he approaches Team Finland’s goal. He shoots the puck. It soars narrowly between the goaltender’s legs and into the net. As Hollander lifts his arms in victory, J.J. Dagenais, also wearing a Team Canada jersey, tackles him in an embrace, pounding him on the back in congratulations. They are both grinning from ear-to-ear.]

[Gif 6: Shane Hollander, wearing a rainbow Pride jersey, scoops up the puck with the blade of his stick as he circles a goal manned by the Detroit Red Hawks from behind. As he rounds the posts, he uses his stick to dunk the puck into the upper right corner of the goal, just past the goaltender’s glove. The goaltender tosses down his stick in frustration as Hollander is rushed by his teammates, all of whom are also wearing rainbow Pride jerseys. They embrace him at their center. The shot expands, and the Jumbotron reveals that it is the Montreal Metros’ Pride Night.] 

Teammates? No, those are my brothers…

metrosbrotherhood

jfc post canceled everyone go home

43,083 Notes

#please stop coming for me #OBVIOUSLY I DIDNT KNOW THEYD HATE CRIME HIM WHEN I MADE THIS #guys it is so over for us #THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR DYNASTY TEAM #what kind of curse do you think we get if we try to murder the greatest hockey player of all time #sobbing rn we are never seeing the Stanley cup again are we #HOW THE FUCK COULD THEY FUMBLE SHANE HOLLANDER #and the RAIDERS turn out for him?? #THE FUCKING BOSTON RAIDERS??? #ive never been so embarrassed in my life #post canceled blog canceled #pack it in boys we are not coming back from this one

hockeywhore reblogged darkerdreams

drillersnumber47

I don’t think most of the internet was paying attention to what was going on with Shane Hollander before the Hollanov reveal and honestly I think the media is banking on the fact that no one will go back and look at what they were saying a week ago. Like I have never seen so many news agencies turn on a dime the way they did about covering Shane Hollander. The hockey world knew something was going on with him before this. We just didn’t know it was because he was gay. 

A week ago, every sports news network was lambasting the metros leadership for testing out some experimental new strategy with Hollander because all the experts agreed that it was too risky and he was going to get injured. Now, all of those same networks are talking about him like he’s some game-rigging whore. It’s like they all got together and decided to pretend we weren’t all worried about him literally a fucking week ago. 

The NHL is not coming in here as some neutral arbitrator who just wants to ensure everything is above board. Someone is trying to bury Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov right now. Stop being so gullible, stop accepting everything you read in the news, and lock the fuck in because you aren’t fighting this then you are helping them bury him. 

13,507 Notes

#shane hollander #ilya Rozanov #hollanov #THE NEWS IS LYING TO YOU #STOP BELIEVING THEM

…

Opinion: The NHL Investigation into Shane Hollander is Exactly What We Need Right Now

15 Jan 2018 • 3:13 P.M. EST

It’s been two days since the NHL Commissioner’s Office launched an investigation into Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov following the reveal of an undisclosed sex affair spanning nearly a decade. The NHL seeks to verify the legitimacy of the games Rozanov and Hollander played against each other during the affair’s course.  To many, the scrutiny provides a welcome confirmation on the validity of the hundreds of millions of dollars in sports bets that have followed the apparently-faked Hollander-Rozanov rivalry. But if you ask Shane Hollander, the investigation should be over before it even starts. 

Mere minutes after the investigation was announced, Hollander’s allies accused the NHL of discriminatory bias and launched a loud, aggressive, and flashy call for a strike. The only thing more noteworthy than the severity of Hollander’s accusations? Is his strike’s almost complete lack of support within the NHL itself. 

To date, only a handful of players have answered Hollander’s call to strike—and all of them have close personal ties to Hollander or Rozanov. And this support seems even more insignificant when compared to the more than seven hundred players found in the League’s rosters.  Notably, even the National Hockey League Players’ Association and outspoken advocates for the LGBTQ+ community like the New York Admirals’ Carter Vaughn have declined to heed Hollander’s call to action. 

Which leaves a lot of us asking: Just what is Shane Hollander trying to hide? 

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More like this:

SPVM Chief Issues Public Plea for Peace at First Metros Game to Follow Shane Hollander’s Suspension: “Please Do Not Set The City On Fire.”

Montreal Metros’ Principal Owner Dan Easterbrook to Attend First Metros’ Game After Beloved Captain Subjected to NHL Probe

Does Shane Hollander Have a Way Back to the Ice After the Rozanov Sex Scandal? And More Importantly—Should We Want Him There?

…

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

Okay never mind you do not have to do run anymore.     

2:32 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11k retweets | 32.9k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

Oh thank god. Why not??

2:35 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.9k retweets | 5.8k likes

Raiders’ Ryan @RCarmichael

Cliff would you shut up and take the win 

2:36 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2.3k retweets | 6.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

I showed my Shane your tweets and he thought they were very funny. You made him smile and for this I show mercy  

2:37 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 203.8k retweets | 492.1k likes

shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81

But ice is thin cliff

2:37 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 89k retweets | 188k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

aw that’s kinda sweet actually   

2:38 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 33k retweets | 101.2k likes

Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders

But wait what tweets 

2:39 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 17.6k retweets | 41k likes

Victor St-Simon @thehockeysaint

JESUS CHRIST CLIFF QUIT WHILE YOURE AHEAD

2:44 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 9.8k retweets | 21k likes

TMZ Sports @TMZ_Sports

Montreal Metros’ Longtime Social Media Manager Abruptly Sacked Following Hollander Scandal. Full Article…

12:01 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 62.9k retweets | 183.7k likes

RIP Metros @donnyboy

This is 100% because they couldn’t scrub Shane Hollander from their socials. 

3:19 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.9k retweets | 4.8k likes

RIP Metros @donnyboy

I’ve been a Metros fan since Shane Hollander was in secondary school. They drafted him when the team was at an all-time low. Within a few years, he brought us back from a sixteen year dry spell to back-to-back Stanley Cup wins, and we all fucking loved him for it. And the more popular Shane Hollander became, the more they made him the team’s identity. There hasn’t been a single press junket or social media push that they haven’t made Shane Hollander the face of in at least three years. 

3:20 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.5k retweets | 3.9k likes

RIP Metros @donnyboy

Check the Wayback Machine—since this started, someone started deleting old posts about Hollander from the Metros’ socials before giving up. I guess they realized they couldn’t delete Hollander without deleting the last few years. 

They’re not trying to get him back for us, guys. They’re trying to bury him. It’s a fucking disgrace. 

3:21 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2.9k retweets | 5.3k likes

Queen Rose’s Court @queenofamerica

listen to me. if any of you assholes do anything to keep us from getting more my shanes, I will come to your house and I will kill you with a fucking rock 

3:59 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 15.3k retweets | 28k likes

John Lewis @jlewis

@ilyarozanov81 could you cool it with the my shanes every five minutes? We get it you’re gay but you don’t have to be so in your face about it

2:32 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 508 retweets | 3.9k likes

Guardians Great @toronto_guards13

so do you think they both suck on it or just Hollander 

4:35 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7 retweets | 38 likes

Hollanov Army @hollanovwardraftee13

@Carter_Vaughn are you fucking serious right now 

4:59 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 107 retweets | 435 likes

GAYEST TEAM IN THE NHL @skipkiss

[Image 1: Scott Hunter and Kip Grady kiss passionately in the center of the rink at Madison Square Garden with the Stanley Cup behind them. The New York Admirals watch their kiss in blatant shock. Carter Vaughn covers his mouth with both hands, watching them with open joy.]

[Image 2: Scott Hunter and Kip Grady stand side-by-side before the New York Admirals, with Carter Vaughn at their front. They are still on the rink at Madison Square Garden. Grady has his hand outstretched to shake Vaughn’s hand.]

[Image 3: Carter Vaughn ignores Kip Grady’s hand. He has one hand clasped at the back of Grady’s neck and is pulling him into an embrace. Vaughn looks ecstatic. Grady looks surprised.]

[Image 4: Carter Vaughn has one arm wrapped around Kip Grady’s shoulders. He uses the other hand to point at Grady with open enthusiasm. Scott Hunter stands at their side. He is watching them both with a mixture of awe and relief.]

[Image 5: Multiple other members of the New York Admirals have stepped forward to embrace Kip Grady. Carter Vaughn has moved over to Scott Hunter. Vaughn is hugging Hunter firmly. Hunter’s eyes appear to be slightly wet. He has one hand reached up to swipe at his face.] 

There’s supportive friends and then there’s Carter Vaughn meeting Kip Grady. 

12:13 P.M. | 19 June 2017 | 607.5k retweets | 913.4k likes

…

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to Cliff Marleau standing at the edge of the rink in TD Gardens. Behind him, the Boston Raiders and the Montreal Metros are doing warm-ups for a game. 

“Hey, Marleau,” says the woman holding the camera. “Is there anyone you want to give a shoutout to before tonight’s game?”

“Hmm,” hums Marleau. His mouth twists into a shit-eating grin. “I think I’ll give a shoutout to any lovely ladies from Montreal named Jane.” He winks at the camera. “Hope there’s one watching.” 

As he speaks, Hayden Pike skates directly behind him, holding a hockey stick tipped with rainbow tape. His head snaps in Marleau’s direction when he mentions Jane. 

Distracted, he skates directly into J.J. Dagenais. Dagenais drops his own rainbow-taped hockey stick and catches Pike in a clumsy dip. Pike clutches furtively at Dagenais’ jersey as he tries to get his feet back under him.  

The scene cuts to Connor Connors, also standing rinkside. Behind him, Shane Hollander can be seen crouched on all fours, stretching. 

“Connors, give a shoutout to someone before the game tonight,” says the woman holding the camera.

Connors smiles placidly. “You know, I think I’ll dedicate any goals I score tonight to girls named Jane.” He leans in towards the camera and winks. “Especially any Montreal Janes out there.”

Hollander’s movements stutter, just barely. He stares straight ahead and continues to stretch. 

The scene cuts to Ryan Carmichael, who stands in the same place as the two people before him. Behind him, Pike has joined Hollander to stretch on the ice. Pike appears to be whispering furiously to him.

“Tonight, the whole team is hoping to impress a very lucky lady named Jane.” Ryan Carmichael grins madly at the camera. He is giddy with glee. “Miss Jane, tonight’s for you.” 

Pike leans closer to Hollander. The whispering intensifies. Hollander continues to calmly stretch. 

The scene cuts. Ilya Rozanov pauses at the entrance to the rink, about to join the rest in their warm-ups. 

“Hey, Cap,” says the woman holding the camera. “Is there anyone you want to dedicate tonight’s game to?”

Rozanov leans in towards the camera. Deadpan, he says, “Shane Hollander.” 

Then, he skates smoothly onto the rink, banking narrowly around where Pike and Hollander are now standing and spraying them with ice. Pike looks aggrieved. Hollander just shakes his head, exasperated. The corners of his mouth are slightly upturned.]

boston raiders • 19 Nov 2017

looks like there’s a special someone on (almost) everyone’s mind tonight…

jordanb17 okay which one of you traitors fucked a raider 

    jordanb17 SHANE HOLLANDER???

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to the Montreal Metros’ locker room. J.J Dagenais is walking in with his bag in hand. 

“Hey, J.J.,” says a woman’s voice, from behind the camera. “If you were arrested, who from the team would you call?”

“Oh, Shane Hollander,” he says. He laughs. “No question.” 

The image cuts to Patrice Drapeau heading into the locker rooms. The same woman’s voice asks, “You’re arrested, and you’ve got one phone call. Who on the team would you call?”

“Shane Hollander,” Drapeau replies, without hesitation. “You think I’m trusting anyone else?”

The image cuts again. Gilbert Comeau is entering the locker room with his hat on backwards and his bag slung over his shoulder. 

“Gil,” the woman’s voice shouts after him. “You’re arrested and you’ve got one call. Who you calling?”

“Hollander’s got me,” Comeau calls back. He disappears into the locker room. 

The image cuts. Hayden Pike is walking towards the locker room, head buried in his phone. 

The woman holding the camera whistles sharply. Pike looks up. 

“You’re arrested, you got one phone call, who on the team do you call?”

“See, that’s a trick question,” says Pike. He pockets his phone. “I don’t call anyone. I don’t need to. Because by the time I get to the station, Shane is already there, with bail money and my lawyer. He has my location, my back, and my life. I will never need to rely on anyone else. Shane has got me.”  

The image cuts again. Jason Taylor is walking into the locker room with Carter Jenkins. 

“You’re arrested, you’ve got one phone call, who are you calling?” asks the woman. “It has to be someone from the team.” 

“Oh shit, I’ve done this,” gasps Taylor, covering his mouth with his hand. “I got arrested and I called Shane Hollander.”

Jenkins bursts out laughing. “Bro, what?”

“No, no, no, you don’t understand,” says Taylor. “It was my rookie season, it was my first game ever, I was terrified, and I decide to go out for drinks the night before with some of the guys to calm my nerves. So I’m at this bar talking to this girl, and as it turns out this girl had a boyfriend who gets pissed at me for chatting her up. So he jumps me from behind.”

“Holy shit,” says Jenkins, clapping one hand over his mouth. “You never told me this.”

“I’m telling you now, man.” Taylor waves him off. “So I freak out because I don’t know who just tackled me and I just shove him off. Down he goes, head cracks into the bar on his way down, blood is everywhere, and he is down for the count. Ambulance shows up, police show up, I don’t know where any of the guys went, the girl’s disappeared, and everyone else is saying they have no idea what happened. So I get arrested and they’re gonna hold me for 24 hours while they figure out if they’re gonna charge me.”

“And I’m”—Taylor gestures at his own face—“despondent. I’m gonna miss the game; I’m gonna get fired; I may end up in jail. And so I call Cap so he knows why I’m not gonna there tomorrow and I’m like, sobbing apologies to him and begging him not to fire me as if that’s even his decision. And he just goes”—Taylor thickens his voice with sleep—“‘Okay.’ And he hangs up on me.”

Jenkins howls with laughter. 

“Like, ten minutes pass, I’m in an interrogation room getting laid into, and someone walks in like…” Taylor mimes knocking. With extreme reverence, he whispers, “‘Shane Hollander is in the building.’ And I’m like, ‘He’s for me! He’s for me!’”

Jenkins starts wheezing.

“We’re in Ottawa right now, which is Cap’s hometown, and they love him there. Walking around with Shane Hollander in Ottawa is like being an attendant to a king. Everyone’s so reverent and respectful. No one wants to let him pay for anything. Everyone calls him Mr. Hollander. Straight up, people ask him to kiss their baby. I’m not joking. 

“The police are no different. They don’t know what to do with Shane Hollander being here. So they bring him into the interrogation room and apologize to him for having to come out here.”

“Oh my God,” gasps Jenkins. 

“And he’s like, asking all these questions, and they’re like, ‘Mr. Hollander, we’re so sorry, this is an open investigation, we can’t tell you anything,’ and he’s like, ‘I understand that but this guy is on my team and I need to know who’s watching my back,’ and suddenly everyone is like, ‘Oh my God, we have to make sure the right people are watching Shane Hollander’s back. Like, this is a problem that needs to be solved.'”

Jenkins cackles. 

“So, there’s security footage from the club where this all went down, but only the owner could pull it and he wasn’t supposed to be back to get it until the next day.” Taylor starts choking back laughter. “And then the cops call him and say that Shane Hollander needs to see it and he’s like, ‘I’m on my way.’” The laughter bubbles out around Taylor’s words. “He brought his entire family with him so they could all meet Shane Hollander.” 

Jenkins laughs so hard he has to hold himself up on the wall. 

“And this guy is like”—Taylor peels Jenkins off the wall long enough to take one of his hands in both of his own and shakes it—“‘Mr. Hollander, it’s such an honor, I brought my baby so you could kiss it—’”

Jenkins drags his hand away to collapse back against the wall, wheezing. 

“Anyway, they took one look at the footage and let me go,” says Taylor. He laughs. “So, uh, yeah, don’t call an attorney, call Shane Hollander, because not only will the cops let you go, but they’ll shake your hand and wish you luck at your game tomorrow.” 

“How could you have not told any of us that?” wheezes Jenkins. “You didn’t say shit!”

“Cap told me not to!”  Taylor throws his hands up defensively. “He put me in the car and was all serious, like, ‘Hey, these things happen, but you’re a rookie and you don’t want your reputation to be that guy who got arrested before his first game’ and told me to just tell everyone that I had a thing with a girl and not say anything else. And then everyone slapped me on the back for getting lucky the night before my first game.”  He starts to laugh again. “I was at Shane Hollander’s parents’ house.” Jenkins splutters. “His dad made me pancakes.” 

Jenkins laughs harder. 

“Well, I’m not a rookie anymore, so…” Taylor shoots the camera a wry look. “Thanks for the save, Cap.”

The image cuts again to Shane Hollander in the locker room. He is unpacking his duffle bag. 

“Hey, Cap,” says the woman behind the camera. “If you get arrested, who from the team are you calling?”

“What are you talking about?” replies Hollander, with a smile. “If I get arrested, all these guys are in jail with me.” 

From off-camera, the locker room explodes with the sounds of his teammates’ cheering. The video ends.]

montreal metros • 03 Nov 2015

Shane Hollander has the bail money. Everyone else has Shane Hollander. 

highland_cows_ambient well this aged like fucking milk

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to Cliff Marleau in a bright, open living room. At his side stands Brad Hammersmith and Connor Connors. 

“We the striking members of the Boston Raiders would like to thank you all for the outpouring of support,” Marleau says. He points firmly at the camera. “Thank you.” 

“But our work is not done,” says Hammersmith. “We come to you again with a very important message.” 

Together, they clap their hands and say, “Our boy is innocent. Free him.” 

As they speak, Ryan Carmichael glides through the center of the shot on a skateboard. He is holding a framed photograph of Ilya Rozanov. The frame is taken from a post-game interview. Rozanov is shirtless and winking at the camera. 

“The only thing Ilya Rozanov is guilty of is being a fucking legend,” continues Marleau. “He saw an opportunity that anyone would take, and he fucking took it. To us, that makes him a hero.” 

From off-camera, a voice shouts, “We’ve all thought about it! All of us!” The voice sounds like rookie player Joseph Bainbridge. Someone else whistles sharply in agreement. 

“We’ve been thinking hard about how we can best support our captain,” explains Connors. “And we want to make sure you, the public, are not tuning in for any games tonight. So we’ll be giving you something else to watch.” 

“Instead of watching the game, join us for a livestream tonight at 7 P.M.,” says Marleau. He pats Hammersmith firmly on the back. “Where our own Bradley Hammersmith will dazzle and delight you with his close-up magic tricks.” 

“But that’s not all you get,” says Connors. “Because we will also be shirtless.” 

Hammersmith appears suddenly stressed. “We can’t be shirtless.” 

Connors side-eyes him. “I just said we would be.” 

“I need shirts for the magic tricks.” 

“What kind of magic tricks need shirts—”

“You gave me thirteen hours to learn magic, do not act like a magic expert all of a sudden—”

Marleau talks over them both. “We will take off our shirts after Brad does his magic tricks. And he’s got like three more hours to practice, so they’re gonna be pretty fucking sick.” 

“And eye candy is not all we’re offering,” says Hammersmith, gesturing at his own abs. “For years, you have asked the question: Is Connors haunted by the restless ghosts of dead Victorian children?”

As he speaks, Connors is staring into the distance with a vacant expression. 

Marleau nods at the camera with purpose. “Tonight, we will find those answers for you. We bought a Ouijia board and we are going to have Connors try to finally speak to the ghosts you all seem convinced he can hear.” 

Hammersmith steps forward. He crosses his arms across his chest in an ‘X’ shape. “Do not watch any hockey games tonight. Instead, join us for our Shirtless Séance and Magic Show.”

In unison, the three of them say, “Support our captain’s love. Boycott the NHL.”]

cliff marleau • 15 Jan 2018

Tonight, be a hero. Help us free our boy. 

ilyarozanov81 cliff are you in my fucking house 

CliffMarleau we needed a strike command center and your place was biggest and had the best security!

ilyarozanov81 obviously it does not if you got inside of it Cliff 

ilyarozanov81 my boys I love you you are my whole world but under no circumstances should you take off your clothes and summon ghosts into my house. are you crazy. I bring my boyfriend there 

RCarmichael yeah cap we can tell you’ve got the entire nation’s supply of ginger ale stockpiled in your fridge 

ilyarozanov81 do not touch or look at those. I bought those for my Shane and only my Shane. anyone who drinks those must go on five mile run and I will sense if you do not do this 

CliffMarleau awwww boys our little Rozy’s down so bad for his man

ilyarozanov81 okay cliff. start running.

CliffMarleau what?? what did I do????

…

Shane Hollander

09 Aug 2017, 11:16

I don’t know about this. 

Have you done it already?

Ignore that—stupid question 

If you’re not ready today then don’t do it. It can wait until you feel right. 

I know that 

I know why I decided to tell them

And I don’t want to not tell them

I feel like I’m making Hayden lie for me

He isn’t. He’s got your back. And so will the rest of your team. 

You’ve been with them for years. They’re gonna understand. 

I don’t think they’d want you to force yourself to do this before you’re ready either. This can wait for another day.

No you’re right 

Thanks dad

I think I’m gonna do it. 

But just. Just the part about me. 

You’ve got this!

I’m proud of you kiddo

09 Aug 2017, 13:56

Everything going okay over there? 

09 Aug 2017, 16:03

Shane?

…

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

I’m a rookie with the Tampa Bay Thunder. I have never met Shane Hollander. I have met Ilya Rozanov once, and I honestly can’t say that I enjoyed it. I don’t really know any of the striking members of the NHL and frankly I’ve been trying and failing to figure out how to get in contact with them. If one of you sees this, I’d appreciate it if you could reach out, because I don’t really know what I’m doing right now. 

I am not going to be playing in tonight’s game against the St. Louis Reds. And I honestly don’t want to say why. But I think I need to. 

5:07 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 15.2k retweets | 45.1k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

[Image 1: Two young boys in hockey gear stand side-by-side on an ice rink. Their arms are around each other. They are smiling broadly.]

[Image 2: The same two boys, now older, stand side-by-side on an ice rink, still dressed in hockey gear. They are wearing jerseys for Destiny College’s Monks ice hockey team.]

This was my best friend Jared. I met him when we were six years old. We joined the same Mini Mites program and that was that. We spent pretty much every single day together. And we spent most of that time playing hockey. We loved it, and we loved each other, and we wanted to play together forever. 

5:09 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13.9k retweets | 58.1k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

Jared and I spent our teen years trying to figure out how to convince the same team in the NHL to draft us. But we didn’t make the draft right out of high school, so we decided we’d go to whatever school with the highest ranked hockey team that would take both of us. Then, we’d play so well together that some pro team would decide that they had to have us both. 

And we were great. We were really, really great.

5:13 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11.1k retweets | 22k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

By junior year, I thought we had it made. We were in talks for a try out contract with the AHL. Our team liked us. We liked them back. I was really happy. I thought Jared was too. I guess I’m not sure anymore. 

5:14 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7.9k retweets | 15.6k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

Someone leaked a video of Jared with another man. I still don’t know who did it. I didn’t know he was gay before it happened. I didn’t care that he was. I told him he was my friend no matter what. I guess I thought that’d be enough. 

5:20 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 37.8k retweets | 51.2k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

I didn’t care, but the school did. Our teammates did. Everyone stopped talking to him. And if he entered the locker room, everyone but me would leave it. A few of them complained about having to share the showers with him, and pretty soon, he got dropped from the team entirely. The school said it was for honor code violations. They said the violation was because he had taken a video of it rather than because he was in it with another man. It was all bullshit. But I didn’t quit the team. 

5:23 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 51.9k retweets | 76k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

I thought I could just talk to everyone and get it all back to normal. I told him so. I told him that we’d get him back on the team or we’d switch schools or we’d go pro and forget this ever happened. I don’t think he ever believed me. One day he handed me his stick and said that I should just keep it because no one was ever going to let him play hockey again. 

5:30 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 55k retweets | 89.7k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

Jared’s been dead for two years now. And I miss him every day. 

5:45 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 79.9k retweets | 100k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

No one is saying it, but every single player in the NHL knows this is bullshit. We’ve known that something was fucked up with the Metros for months and we know that they're lying about Hollander and Rozanov right now. But no one wants to say it because they’re gay and it’ll piss off the Commissioner’s Office. Well I don’t care if they fire me. Jared should have gotten to be on the ice. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov should get to be on the ice. And if they don’t get to then I am not going to be on it either. 

5:48 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 175.8k retweets | 231.2k likes

Jackson Lee @JacksonLeeOfficial

Rozanov, Hollander, I don't know you guys, but I'm with you. I'm gonna try to do it right this time. 

5:50 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 77.1k retweets | 180k likes

Chapter 7: 01.15.18

Chapter Notes

TW: homophobia, implied/referenced medical discrimination

YouTube

OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ: Metros Fans Celebrate Rookie Shane Hollander’s 50th Goal
MetrosNHL • 601k views • 6y ago

[Video: The video opens to an aerial shot of the rink at Bell Centre, showcasing players from the Montreal Metros and the San Jose Hammerheads. On the ice, Shane Hollander soars past the goal and fires a shot through a narrow gap beneath the goaltender’s leg pads. It sinks solidly into the net. 

The crowd explodes. 

The camera zooms in on Hollander’s face. He looks ecstatic with joy. He skates around the goal in a wide arc, throwing his arms up in celebration. The crowd screams for him with deafening cheers as overhead sirens burn with red and white flashes. The image pans to focus on the Jumbotron just as a large, stylized “50” appears, bursting with animated sparklers.

The camera pans up and over the crowd as it churns and ebbs with celebration. Smoke from pyrotechnics hangs in the air. Together, thousands of fans whip white towels over their heads and roar Hollander’s name. 

The image cuts back to Hollander, who stares up at the stands around him with awe. A moment later, Hayden Pike crashes into his side and captures him in a clumsy embrace, knocking their helmets together. With a grin, Hollander lifts his arms to hug Pike back as more of his teammates swarm him.  

The image cuts to an aerial shot. The entire Montreal team is leaving the bench and flooding the ice. They all rush to embrace Hollander.

The video cuts. Hollander stands on the rink after the game, stands still choked with fans. His helmet has been lifted back to expose his face. Before him stands a woman holding a microphone. She asks a question, but her words cannot be made out.

From the stadium around them, the fans sing, “Olé, olé, olé, olé… Olé… Olé… Olé, olé, olé, olé… Olé… Olé…”

The woman tries again. Hollander tears his gaze away from the crowd long enough to point his hand at his ear and shake his head. With a smile, she nods and steps back. 

Hollander turns his attention back to the crowd. He laughs breathlessly to himself as they sing for him, face awash with an uncomprehending joy. The fans are still singing when the video ends.]

caphollander24 LADIES AND GENTLEMAN SHANE FUCKING HOLLANDER 

bestofthe6 FIRST PLAYER IN THE FRANCHISE TO PLAY A FIFTY GOAL SEASON IN FORTY FUCKING YEARS AND HES ONLY A ROOKIE. JUST WAIT THE STANLEY CUPS FINALLY COMING HOME 

horseluvr37 Number 1 on the charts in his ROOKIE YEAR, fifty fucking goals and he’s still got games left in the season... he is UNREAL

corgiprints he’s gonna look sooo good in that captain’s C next year

montreal1917 im actually crying watching this. Shane Hollander may turn out to be the greatest player in franchise history. Fuck, he may be the greatest player in the history of hockey. I can’t believe I get to be alive at the same time as him, let alone that he’s playing for my team

metmetmetros Oh Shane Hollander we are never letting you go 

…

[Broadcast: A logo reading “CTV News” pans across the screen to the sound of trumpets. The animation settles in the center of the screen before it disappears. 

The image cuts to reveal a monitor-filled newsroom. The camera pans briefly across the room as a voiceover announces, “CTV National News with Andy Gates.”  

The image settles on a suited man sitting at a news desk. 

“It’s been three days since the hockey world exploded in controversy following the reveal of a secret affair between Montreal Metros’ captain Shane Hollander and his longtime rival, Ilya Rozanov. In all the chaos, there’s only one thing for certain: Fans are not happy. Whether it’s because their captain was sleeping with the enemy or because of the NHL’s decision to suspend both players pending an investigation—well, we’ve got boots on the ground at Bell Centre to find that out. Deborah, what are you seeing down there?”

The scene cuts to a reporter in a thick coat standing before Bell Centre in Montreal. Next to her stands two middle-aged gentlemen wearing Montreal Metros jerseys. Both of them appear disgruntled. 

“Thank you, Andy,” says Deborah. She smiles professionally. “Well, there’s been quite a turn out for tonight’s game, but not many have made their way inside, and this crowd does not sound happy. I’m here with two Montreal Metros fans to get their take on it.” She turns to the men standing next to her. “How do you feel about the Metros’ handling of the situation with Shane Hollander?” 

“You know, I’ll tell you what, Deborah, I’m angry,” says the man standing closest to her. His jaw ticks with irritation. “I’m real angry.” 

She points the microphone back in her direction. Before she can respond, the man takes the microphone from her and steps fully into the center of the shot. Deborah edges a half-step back, shooting the camera an uncertain look. 

“First off, I want to clear the air,” he tells the camera. “I’ve been seeing a lot of Boston fans running their mouths about how our guy was seduced away from us by their guy’s”—he gestures vaguely to his own hips—“Slavic gyrations. That’s wrong, check your fuckin’ facts again, because if anyone was the seductress it was our guy.” 

Deborah’s mouth makes an ‘O’ shape. She reaches for the microphone. The man ignores her, stepping closer to the camera. 

“Okay—” says Deborah, nodding a bit. She makes another failed play for the microphone. “How about we—”

“Our guy,” the man talks over her, “our guy was gonna stay with us, he was loyal, your guy, your guy was gonna leave you to be with our guy. If anyone did the seducing it was our guy. So jot that one down.”

The second man nods in fervent agreement. 

“O… kay,” says Deborah again, nodding slowly. She tries to reach for the microphone a third time. “That’s—if I could just—“

The man persists. “Second, second, I—this fucking sucks. This fucking sucks, and I, I think we should riot about it. I really do. We’ve done it before and we can do it again.” 

Next to him, Deborah’s eyes widen. She makes a small slashing motion over her throat. The broadcast continues.

“I went through those texts,” the man insists. “People, people were saying a lot of shit about our guy, so I checked myself. I checked myself, and now I got one thing to say to the Metros: What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Thank you,” says Deborah, very assertively. “But maybe we don’t say that word on ai—”

Talking over her, the second man barks, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He trembles with displeasure. 

“Hollander was the best,” says the first man, dragging a hand over his head. “Best in the franchise, best, best in the fuckin’ sport, and we had him. He was gonna let us retire him, we were—Rozanov was [BEEP] gone, he was leaving Boston for Ottawa—fuckin’ Ottawa—”

The second man bounces on the balls of his feet. “Worst team in the League.”

“Worst team in the whole [BEEP] League!” explodes the first man. “We, we woulda had no divisional rival, and who’s gonna beat us in the Conference? [BEEP] Carolina? They shit the bed every Conference final. Our path to the Stanley Cup would’ve been clear. It would’ve been clear!” 

“We would’ve won every year.” The second man starts to walk away, beside himself with the loss. “Every year, Doug!” 

“Our guy was gonna do that for us,” agrees Doug. He mops a hand down his face. “But these, these dipwads had to go and fumble him. Why, cause he’s gay? You think we give a shit about that? We’re the gay capital of Canada!” 

Deborah tries to cut in. “As of today, nothing’s been confirmed—”

“Nah,” says Doug. He shakes his head tightly. “Nah, I already said something was up with Hollander before we even knew he was one of the gays. I said it already—Mitch, didn’t I say it already?”

Mitch now stands in the background of the shot. He bounces with anger. “You said it, Doug. You fucking said it!” 

“I said, I said months ago that something was up with Hollander. They, they had him out on the ice too long, they weren’t guarding him anymore, and—I [BEEP] said it, I said—”

Mitch shakes his head tightly. “Just got off injury and it’s like they’re trying to put him out for another season.” 

“And they were trying to put him out for another season! Shane Hollander! We didn’t win a single fucking game after he went out last season. And you try to do that to us again?”

“At this time, there’s no confirmation that the Metros attempted to harm Shane Hollander in any way—”  

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you read those fuc—[BEEP]—exts?” Doug turns to Deborah with open offense. “Because I read those fucking [BEEP].” 

“I read them, Doug,” says Mitch, still in the background, still angry. 

“He read them. Did you read them?” Doug demands. He does not wait for Deborah’s answer. He turns back to the camera. “I saw one—Hollander’s side was fucking purple.” He gestures to his left side. “His whole side was [BEEP] purple. And they tried to send him back out like that. Shane fucking Hollander!” 

“You’re supposed to take care of your players,” shouts Mitch, from the background. “They weren’t taking care of him.” 

“Because he was gay! Who gives a [BEEP]? I know plenty of gays. My, my accountant’s gay, shoutout to my boy Tim, he knows his way around the books”—Doug points at the camera—“lady at the coffee shop, pretty sure she’s gay, my buddy Trent’s gay sometimes, I, I was gay a couple times in college—”

“Oh.” Deborah nods, lips pursued. “Okay, that’s really—”

“Yeah, but just like, recreationally gay,” explains Doug. “I didn’t engage with the culture.” 

Deborah looks uncertain. She starts to shake her head. “I don’t think…”

“Hey, man, that’s just fine by me,” says Mitch, in the background. He paces like a caged animal. “I don’t care.” 

“‘Cause that’s what you should say!” explodes Doug. “Especially if it’s Shane fucking Hollander!” 

“His parents want him to go to Ottawa now,” laments Mitch. In a fit of anger, he shoves over a public trash bin. It clangs loudly against the sidewalk, spilling its contents over the ground. It appears to have been filled with charred Metros’ memorabilia. “Fucking Ottawa.”

“Our guy was loyal, he was gonna stay with us forever, and then these fucking morons go after him and now we may lose him to Ottawa. Ottawa!” Doug looks unspeakably distressed. “What if they become good?”

“I don’t want to be an Ottawa fan, Doug,” calls Mitch. He sounds despondent. “I don’t.” 

“No one does!” Doug draws even closer to the camera, desperate. “Shane Hollander, if you can hear this, please, give us another shot. Don’t leave us for Ottawa. We can turn this around. Even if you are sucking Rozanov’s—“

“Yes, thank you,” says Deborah, firmly. She latches onto the microphone and tries to wrestle it from Doug’s hands.  He resists. “We’re out of time, so—”

“Okay, okay, but one more thing,” says Doug. He leans over to follow the microphone. “One more thing. To the rest of the Metros—if, if we lose Shane Hollander because of this, you better watch where you park. You better watch where you fuckin’ park.” 

Deborah finally wrests the microphone away from him, stumbling a half step backwards. She looks frazzled. Doug and Mitch walk off-camera, still radiating anger. 

“Okay,” starts Deborah, visibly trying to recover. “That was—”

In the distance, Mitch shouts, “Ottawa!”

Deborah smiles thinly at the camera. Her hair is sticking up on one end. “Back to you, Andy.”]

…

Intervention DO NOT TELL SHANE

25 Nov 2017, 20:04

Our Boy

Pike what the fuck just happened

Is he okay 

25 Nov 2017, 20:17

Pike I need you to answer me 

25 Nov 2017, 20:32

Goddamnit just tell me if he will be okay

Yuna

Dave and I saw it too honey

I don’t think Hayden has his phone right now

We’ve been trying to get through to his team you’re going to find out as soon as we know anything

Our Boy

Shane is not answering

Something is wrong he has been off the ice too long

He answers by now usually 

Yuna

He’s probably with medical right now  

Can you answer our calls hon?

Our Boy

No

No I can’t no 

Sorry 

So sorry Yuna 

Pike you find out if one of idiot fucking metros told Kent shit 

You find out so I can kill them too 

Yuna

[Link: YouTube - 10-Minute Guided Meditation for Panic Attacks]

Hon please can you humor me and Dave and do this video

We’re not trying to say anything we’re just a couple of old worrywarts okay 

It’s to make us feel better

Yuna

Shane walked off the ice after that’s what I want you to focus on

Our Boy 

Limped

Yuna

I know it looked bad but Shane handled it perfectly and minimized any damage 

Kent’s known for dirty hits. This doesn’t mean he knows anything

Our Boy

Was not dirty hit

Was fucking murder attempt

I do not care why it happened. Next time he sets foot on my ice he is dead 

Only difference why makes is which metros die too

Well I can’t say I won’t be rooting for you

Yuna

Dave what part of “do not send that” did you not understand 

Baby just focus on breathing right now. Shane wouldn’t want you to do anything that could get you suspended

Don’t let yuna pretend to be a voice of reason. She holds the stingers all time record for most career penalty minutes. Used to call her “The Truck” because playing her felt like being in a car accident. We still get mail about it

Yuna

Yes okay thank you David   

You’re probably gonna be waiting awhile on Kent though. Shaney laid him out pretty good. Don’t think he’s gonna be back in time for your next game

How’s the breathing going kiddo

Our Boy 

It is fine

Better

Thank you Dave you are funny 

The truck. I like this very much. 

Feel like you can manage a call yet?

No

No I’m sorry no

That’s okay

Just keep breathing kiddo

25 Nov 2017, 20:49

Got through finally. All they’d tell me was that Shane was still being examined and we’d get an update when they knew more. They said he doesn’t need an ambulance though

Yes fucking evil assholes said this and so we should believe them 

Sorry 

I’m sorry

Pike tell me the second you know something

…

r/metros

brotherhoodera24 | 8h

Anyone else getting offers for game tickets?

I’ve been a Metros fan pretty much my entire life, but I became a super fan around six or seven years ago (I know, I know). I got so involved in the fan community that I ended up developing a bit of a following on a few platforms. I wasn’t really expecting any kind of audience when I started the accounts, but a couple of them took off.

I got a message this morning on one of my more popular accounts. It looked like it was from a sports bar or something who said it was giving out game tickets to metros fans as a promo. I’ve never had a bar offer me more than a free basket of wings and also the account looked kinda weird, so I ended up deciding they were probably a scam and blocking them. 

I got almost the exact same message on some of my other accounts. They came from different users than the first message, most of them from local businesses. Some of them looked like they could be real accounts, some didn’t. All of them offered me free tickets to the game tonight. 

Is this a new scam? Is anyone else getting these?

duckbrigaide | 6h

It’s a scam. A scam to cheat us out of the greatest player in nhl history. Do not take the tickets 

lemoncellist | 5h

you know Shane Hollander’s not going to suck your dick too right 

metrocitylights | 3h

yeah he’s booked pretty solid blowing the raiders 

 

yamcentral | 3h

I got a message like that. Dunno if it was legit. I never win anything so I figured it was spam  

 

fandego278 | 3h

If you want us to ever see the Stanley Cup again you will not take those fucking tickets oh my fucking god

lemoncellist | 2h

We got the cup before Hollander and we’ll get it again after him. Good fucking riddance traitor

canadadryly | 1h

you will die in 7 days 

battleroyalest | 2h

Bro are you referring to the cup we got two decades ago?? The one that kicked off our pre-Hollander flop era? I’d like us to see the cup again while I’m still alive, thanks. Fucking idiot

 

stivesisland | 3h

I took the tickets. Best seats I’ve ever had. 

canadadryly | 1h

you will die in 6 days

HOLLANDERDYNASTY | 2h

Have fun watching us lose. Does the rest of the team even remember how to score without Hollander?

metrocitylights | 2h

the Hollander jerk offs in this thread have gotten out of hand. The rest of the team is ELITE. We’ll be just fine

HOLLANDERDYNASTY | 1h

[Image: A screenshot of a news article, reading: 

Have the Montreal Metros Decided to Kill Their Golden Goose?

02 Nov 2017 • 11:14 A.M. EST

[Image: Shane Hollander returns to the Metros bench, drenched in sweat. His face is turned slightly, and the camera captures it in profile. He appears to be looking at something off-camera. His expression betrays a quiet anger. At his side, J.J. Dagenais has his hand outstretched to help Hollander off of the ice. Dagenais is visibly upset.]  

Well, he’s done it again: For the third time this season, Shane Hollander has broken his own record for longest line shift in an NHL game. Last night’s game against the Anaheim Geese saw him take to the ice for a staggering nine minutes and thirteen seconds in the third period, not long after he clocked in for a four minute and forty-nine second line shift at the end of the second. 

Hollander’s no stranger to being a do-it-all player—he’s registered points on an unprecedented 51% of all goals scored by the Metros since his rookie year. But the Metros’ controversial new strategy 

The screenshot cuts the article off midsentence. The words “he’s registered points on an unprecedented 51% of all goals scored by the Metros since his rookie year” are highlighted.]

Shane Hollander does more than literally the entire rest of the team combined. we are FUCKED

…

metros curse era @sobbingatthedisco

whose dad is this

[Video: A clip of a news segment from CityNews Montreal. A reporter stands outside of Bell Centre at night, smiling thinly. Next to him stands a disgruntled man in a Montreal Metros jersey. They are both holding the same microphone. The reporter struggles to pull the microphone in his direction with one hand. Using both hands, the man keeps the microphone in front of his face. 

At the bottom of the screen, a banner reads: “DOUG — CONCERNED CITIZEN”. 

“And that’s another thing,” says Doug. “I saw those logs. His body was shutting down. But did our guy let that stop him? No, he went out there and he won us two Stanley Cups and an Olympic medal.” Doug is briefly overcome with emotion. His eyes are misty. His voice is choked with feeling. “Can you imagine how good he’s gonna be when the stress isn’t about to kill him?” 

From off-camera, another man’s voice shouts, “Gonna be good for Ottawa! Gonna be good for Ottawa.” 

The reporter starts to pull the microphone back his way. “Yes, thank you—”

Doug struggles to keep his hold. “You gotta listen to me, we gotta do something, we gotta fix this before it’s too lat—” 

The reporter wrenches the microphone back with a sharp squeal of feedback. The clip ends.]

5:28 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13.9k retweets | 58.1k likes

the funicular railroad herself @nlm24

montreal’s rioting tonight who wants to bet 

5:31 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 578 retweets | 4.8k likes

Taylor Reeves @taylor_reeves

jesus christ he’s just a hockey player. no one cares that much

5:59 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 16 retweets | 73 likes

the funicular railroad herself @nlm24

[Link: A link to a Wikipedia article entitled, “The Richard Riot.”]

[Link: A link to a Wikipedia article entitled, “The 1986 Montreal Stanley Cup Riot.”]

[Link: A link to a Wikipedia article entitled, “The 1999 Montreal Stanley Cup Riot.”]

[Link: A link to a Wikipedia article entitled, “The Hollander Riot.”]

[Link: A link to a Wikipedia article entitled, “The 2015 Montreal Stanley Cup Riot.”]

oh honey you do not know much about Montreal 

6:17 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 8.9k retweets | 15.6k likes

Madison @brindlebabies

WHO is asleep at the wheel of the time-delay at @CTVNews tonight lmfao

5:31 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 33 retweets | 76 likes

metros comeback @Mr200Pts

@officialshanehollander Cap, if you want us to stay  loyal to you here, you gotta start making this up to us first. I’m talking 

• Dump Rozanov, STAT 
• No more screwing the enemy. If you gotta suck dick take it out of the league entirely. it’s fucking shameful 
• Actually, no more sucking dick. Focus on hockey for once. You obviously need to remember where your priorities lie. 
• Fix what you broke. This team had the best dynamic in franchise history and this seasons been a disgrace. do what you gotta do to rebuild trust and get us back where we were. Then maybe MAYBE we’ll forgive you 

5:33 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 4.9k retweets | 11.3k likes

still life pancakes @accountsbyme7

would you shut the fuck up already 

6:38 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 3 retweets | 11 likes

Rosie Pies @justagirlX

 I’m sorry, you think that it’s Shane Hollander’s fault that the team dynamic went to shit this season? the team that was straight up hate criming him on the daily. Shane Hollander was the one that was a problem?

6:45 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 98 retweets | 201 likes

metros comeback @Mr200Pts

I’m not explaining this to a Rose Landry fan. 

7:02 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7 retweets | 19 likes

burgermeister meister burger @therealone

@Mr200Pts did you seriously just tell SHANE HOLLANDER that he wasnt focused enough on hockey? if his autism had picked trains we’d have the intercontinental rail by now 

7:19 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 19.2k retweets | 38.7k likes

Rosie Pies @justagirlX

@Mr200Pts so in your ideal world Shane Hollander should be a celibate hockey automaton denying himself love and pandering to the people actively trying to murder him just so you can feel better about his sex life while you’re swilling beer from the fucking cheap seats? science should study you 

7:23 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7.9k retweets | 19k likes

Greg Bailey @gregrbailey

Shane Hollander’s fanbase is filled with the most overblown drama queens known to man. The metros were great before him and they’ll be great after him. He compromised himself so he could be Rozanov’s fleshlight and I say we can’t get rid of him fast enough 

5:35 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2.9k retweets | 7.8k likes

Ducky’s Kingdom @stacytate11

[Image: A screenshot of a Twitter post reading: 

Greg Bailey @gregrbailey

I wish Shane Hollander could get my wife pregnant for me

11:31 P.M. | 07 June 2016 | 11.3k retweets | 29.8k likes]

this u?

5:39 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 21.6k retweets | 49.9k likes

Ducky’s Kingdom @stacytate11

[Image: A screenshot of a Twitter account. The screenshot indicates that @gregrbailey has blocked the user.]

awww someone’s mad that Shane Hollander can’t fuck their wife for them

5:39 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 21.6k retweets | 49.9k likes

dr dre presents @jamesonmcgee

The fact that Roger Crowell decided to fuck around and find out with the most hockey obsessed city on the goddamn planet is unspeakably funny to me. You’re doing this in motherfucking Montreal? They rioted for Maurice Richard and you think they won’t do the same for Shane Hollander?? That man is borderline a religious figure to them. Be so for real roger what do you think is going to be different about this time 

5:37 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.9k retweets | 3.9k likes

Seb @stbaccount1

what’s different is that Maurice Richard wasnt a cumdump for the fucking boston raiders

6:03 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.1k retweets | 4.7k likes

WE RIOT TONIGHT @metrostiltheend2_4

NO WHATS DIFFERENT IS THAT MAURICE RICHARD NEVER PLAYED A 200 FUCKING POINT SEASON. THIS CITY BURNS FASTER 

6:19 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 707 retweets | 3.9k likes

CTV News @CTVNews

Due to a technical issue with our time-delay tonight, language that may be considered offensive was inadvertently aired. The issue is being corrected and we apologize for any offense caused. 

5:39 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11.2k retweets | 39.9k likes

sex & this city @tiffdoesNYC

@Carter_Vaughn FUCKING COME ON MAN 

5:40 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 6 retweets | 53 likes

The New York Times @NYTimes

BREAKING—All members of the New York Admirals have arrived at Madison Square Garden despite long-time captain’s call for a strike. More updates to come. 

5:15 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 15.9k retweets | 43.2k likes

victorian child haunting td gardens @cghost43

“why are the raiders getting naked and communing with the restless dead in their captains house that’s so random—” shut up. You do not know the lore. I know the lore. Do not think you can come into my home for the tragic hockey yaoi without learning your fucking history  

[Image 1: A screenshot of a Twitter post, reading:

Sabine @sabinefairchild

I love how Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov play every Montreal v. Boston game as if they were trying to put on the best two-man reenactment of Miracle (2004) that this here city’s ever seen and meanwhile in the background the Connors subplot is just: 

[Image: A screenshot from The Sixth Sense (1999). Cole Sear lays in his bed with the covers pulled to his chin, looking afraid. At the bottom, white text reads: I see dead people.]

8:32 P.M. | 16 Nov 2014 | 703 retweets | 5.8k likes]

[Image 2: A screenshot of a Twitter post, reading:

wombats @jdabney

you just know whoever’s talking to him died from something medically preventable 

[Image: Connor Connors sits on the bench staring at nothing with a vacant and unsettling expression. His mouth hangs ajar.]

2:13 P.M. | 03 Mar 2015 | 1.9k retweets | 8.3k likes]

[Image 3: A screenshot of a Twitter post, reading:

shark reef charcuterie @account8730

[Image: Connor Connors stands motionless on the rink at Bell Centre with his stick in hand. He stares at the empty air with a haunted, vacant expression. Around him, players from the Boston Raiders and Montreal Metros mill as men in white tracksuits clear the ice with large brooms. Not far behind Connors, Ilya Rozanov is leaned in to whisper something to Shane Hollander. There is a heated expression on his face.]

oh he is seeing them ghosts

11:45 A.M. | 29 Oct 2017 | 33.2k retweets | 8.3k likes]

[Image 4: A screenshot of a Twitter post, reading:

connors personal ghostbuster @hauntedhockey

“Is connors even paying attention” “Connor Connors doesn’t seem very present when he’s on the ice” “why does Connors’ face do that” I’m sorry how would you feel if you had to compete on a professional level while someone who died in the triangle shirtwaist factory fire murmurs terrible secrets in your ear and also Shane Hollander is there. he is doing his best

9:13 P.M. | 11 April 2013 | 7.9k retweets | 22.1k likes]

5:41 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 39.3k retweets | 57.8k likes

METROS DYNASTY ERA @goalby24

Hey @SPVM, who are you going to get to stop us this time?

5:44 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 669 retweets | 3.2k likes

Police Montréal @SPVM

Parmi les autres mesures de sécurité, de nombreux policiers anti-émeutes seront déployés aux alentours du Centre Bell en prévoyance du match de ce soir. La SPVM, en collaboration avec le Capitaine Shane Hollander, vous remercions de votre coopération à créer un lieu sécuritaire pour tous. Le hockey, ainsi que la ville, est pour tous. Merci.

Among other security measures, a number of anti-riot police will be deployed around the Bell Centre before the game this evening. The SPVM, in collaboration with Captain Shane Hollander, thank you for your cooperation in making this a safe space. Hockey, and the city of Montreal, are for everyone. Thank you.

[Video: A large crowd of Metros fans loiter outside of Bell Centre, with police officers scattered throughout. In front of the entrance of Bell Centre, police have set up a portable podium with a microphone. An officer stands at the podium, flanked by officers on either side. 

In French, the officer says, “Montreal, we all want something to celebrate tonight—“

He is immediately drowned out by the roar of the crowd. 

It takes several attempts before he can be heard. “—but please, keep your celebrations peaceful. We do not want a repeat of last year. No rioting. No looting. Do not tip over any cars. Do not smash any windows. If you set anything on fire, you will be arrested. Let’s be good to our city tonight, okay? 

In the distance, someone shouts, “Olé, olé, olé, olé.”

The chant is quickly taken up throughout the crowd. The officer sighs with a smile. 

“Okay!” he shouts, over the din. He raises his hands. “Okay! But there’s someone who feels strongly about this, so why don’t you hear it from him?”  

Behind him, the door to the Bell Centre opens. Shane Hollander exits, dressed in his Metros jersey. The captain’s C sits prominently on his shoulder. 

The crowd explodes. 

With a smile, Hollander steps up to the podium. It takes several seconds for the cheering to subside enough for him to speak. 

In French, Hollander says, “Hello, Montreal.” 

The crowd explodes a second time. 

Smiling, Hollander waves them down. “I spoke with the rest of the team, and we all want to bring the Stanley Cup home again this year, and every year after that.” 

More cheers. Hollander gives them a moment, then shouts to be heard over them. “But—we all love this city. It’s our home. We don’t want to be worried that we’re hurting our home when we play tonight. So, please, promise us no riots after the game. That lets us focus on winning the Cup this year, and next year, and the year after that—”

The crowd takes up its chant once more. The officer from before steps forward and grabs the microphone from its position on the podium. 

“Can we all say ‘Yes, Captain?’” the officer hollers. 

Overlapping shouts of “Yes, Captain” echo throughout the crowd, some in English, some in French. Hollander grins at the fans and takes back the microphone. 

“Thank you, Montreal. We’ll play our best for you tonight.” Hollander returns the microphone to its place on the podium and walks back to the entrance. Before he walks inside, he turns back to the crowd, cups his hands around his mouth, and calls, ”Olé, olé, olé, olé.”

The crowd screams his words back to him. They are still chanting when he disappears back into the arena. The video ends.] 

3:15 P.M. | 12 June 2016 | 98.7k retweets | 217.2k likes

…

[Image: Every member of the New York Admirals save Scott Hunter poses in a cluster around Kip Grady. Carter Vaughn crouches in front of Kip wearing a backwards baseball cap and holding two fingers up in a peace sign. He looks incredibly pleased with himself. The rest of the Admirals appear equally smug. Kip looks vaguely embarrassed.]

scott hunter • 08 Jan 2018

Thank you to everyone who expressed interest in Kip’s upcoming exhibition with @ArtNovoNYC. Unfortunately, my teammates discovered a previously unmentioned passion for fine art this weekend and bought every single painting currently for sale. The exhibition has been canceled to allow the gallery time to source more art. And since Kip no longer has any art to curate, he will be joining myself and the rest of the team for our upcoming away game in Montreal. Hope to see everyone there! 

cartervaughn Our apartments are gonna look soooo good now cap

CWagner kip’s great at curating. I feel so curated right now. Best in the city. 

mattij67 I like all the colors in mine

will_kennedy art

yessie47 lmfao WHAT pre-game ritual do you all need kip grady in Canada for this weekend

michigiandogfarm @cartervaughn are you guys really so scared of Shane Hollander that you’ll drop  $100k+ on art just to get your captain some boyfriend luck at that game

cartervaughn @michigandogfarm Look Hollander can be a lot sometimes okay

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to a shaky clip of Connor Connors standing on a hockey rink in his Boston Raiders’ jersey. The theme music for the Mii Channel plays over the footage.

Connors sits in the penalty box staring into the distance. His jaw hangs open. There is an empty, haunted expression on his face. He does not blink. The camera slowly zooms outward on his face. 

Suddenly, Shane Hollander speeds into the frame with Ilya Rozanov a beat behind. The glass in front of Connors shakes violently as Rozanov slams Hollander into the boards. 

Connors does not react. After a brief struggle, Hollander and Rozanov skate away. 

Connors continues to stare emptily at the rink

The image cuts. Connor Connors crouches on the rink waiting for puck drop. In the stands behind him, two people dressed as sheet ghosts bounce with excitement. 

The ghosts wave at the camera. 

The image cuts. Connor Connors holds himself half over the bench wall, waiting to change shifts. When no one comes to switch with him, he tries to back pedal. All of a sudden, Ryan Carmichael skates back to the bench. Connors urgently pushes forward again, only to overbalance and fall on the ice. 

He turtles. 

The image cuts. Connor Connors exchanges blows with Hayden Pike, mid-fight. Pike grabs at Connors, only to overbalance. They crash to the ice together. 

Both men quickly haul themselves into sitting position as a ref skates over to separate them. With a slightly blank expression, Connors attempts to wrap his arms around Pike in a loose hug. Pike looks bewildered.

The shot expands slightly. Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander appear at the edge of the frame, waiting for the fight to end. Rozanov stands behind Hollander with his front pressed to Hollander’s back and his arms wrapped securely around Hollander’s midsection. He is grinning smugly. 

Hollander looks exhausted. 

The image cuts. Connors trips while skating, flopping onto his front and skidding several meters. As he slides, he takes the feet out from under Carter Vaughn and Scott Hunter. Both men backflop onto the ice. 

Ilya Rozanov skates to stop next to the pile. As he helps Connors up, he stares down at Hunter, still prone. With a shit-eating grin, Rozanov says something inaudible, then laughs. 

Taking Connors’ head between both hands, Rozanov kisses him firmly on the helmet, claps his back, and skates away. 

Hunter and Vaughn clamber up to their feet together, holding onto each other by the arms. Both men look annoyed. Vaughn says something inaudible to Hunter, then pats him twice on the chest. 

The image cuts. Connor Connors stands in the middle of the rink at Bell Centre, mouth hanging open, staring at an empty corner of the rink with a haunted expression. To his left, Shane Hollander wins the puck drop, knocking it towards the Boston Raiders’ goalpost. 

Hollander tears off after the puck like a man possessed. Ilya Rozanov chases him. 

Hollander reaches the puck first and sprints it towards the Boston net. Rozanov quickly catches up to him. He snakes his stick under Hollander’s and taps the puck out from Hollander’s control. Another rapid-fire tap sends the puck backwards, through the space between Hollander’s skates. Rozanov claims possession and tears off towards the Montreal goal. 

In his rush, Rozanov weaves sharply around where Connors still stands, spraying him with ice. Before Connors can recover, Hollander skates quickly past him on the other side, sending up his own spray. 

Connors blinks, coated in slush. 

Overhead, the Jumbotron reflects that five seconds have passed since the puck dropped. 

Connors wobbles slightly and skates after them. The video ends.] 

the realest raiders  • 03 Sept 2017

I just want to put him in a jar and shake him

bostonghostboys driest scrungliest most pathetic man

_rozanovsbabygirl_ he’s so rehabilitated wildlife coded 

potatofiend I would keep him in a cardboard box and feed him from an eyedropper like a wounded baby bird  

cantstopthecannon Average Metros fan: We sequenced the genome of every single citizen in Canada so we could exclusively draft players with a genetic predisposition for speed skating. We feed them nothing but hockey pucks and pure canadian maple syrup. Shane Hollander sleeps under the rink

Average Boston fan: this is connors he sees ghosts 

_metros_unity @cantstopthecannon not our fault we have the greatest line up in the history of goddamn sports 

…

realestraiders @_metros_unity awww how we doing now kiddo

    _metros_unity shut the fuck up 

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to the hallway leading to the rink at the Montreal Metros’ practice arena. Liam Graham and Will Kennedy are walking to the rink, dressed in their gear and practice jerseys. As they turn the corner, Kennedy shoves at Graham with a laugh. Both men are smiling. 

Kennedy can be heard saying, “No, but you didn’t have to—”

“Hey, guys,” says a woman’s voice, from behind the camera. “Who’s most likely to try to get everyone to hang out after practice tonight?” 

Graham considers a beat. “J.J.” 

At the exact same time, Kennedy says, “Uh, me.” 

Graham glances over at him. Kennedy shoves him again with a grin. “We are so going out after this, man.” 

Graham turns back to the camera. “I’d like to change my answer.”

The video cuts. Patrice Drapeau and Gilbert Comeau walk to the rink together, both dressed in practice jerseys.  

“Pat,” says the woman. “Out of everyone, who’s most likely to try to get the team to go out tonight?” 

“J.J.,” says Drapeau. At his side, Comeau nods. 

“Okay, okay,” she replies. The camera turns to focus on Comeau. “Who’s least likely to go?”

“Cap,” laughs Comeau. 

“I’m gonna say maybe Pike,” says Drapeau, after a beat’s consideration. “Cap’s a homebody but Pike’s always heading back early to babysit his kids.” 

Comeau just shrugs. “So they’ll leave together.” 

The camera cuts. Jason Taylor and Carter Jenkins head to the rink in their practice gear. 

“Okay, boys,” says the woman. “Who’s the least likely to agree to go out after this?”

In chorus, Taylor and Jenkins grin and reply, “Cap.” 

“He’s a man in high demand,” jokes Taylor, sing-song. “It’s hard to be Shane Hollander.” 

Jenkins mimes wiping a tear from his eye. “Everyone wants a piece of him. So little left for us.”  

“Okay, okay,” the woman replies. “Who’s the most likely to get Cap out?” 

“J.J.” says Taylor, immediately. 

Jenkins nods. “Oh yeah. J.J.’s our captain whisperer. If he can’t get him out, no one can.” 

The image cuts again. Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike, and J.J. Dagenais all walk towards the rink together, all dressed for practice.  Dagenais walks backwards and slightly in front of the other two so that he’s facing them. 

The camera catches Dagenais wheedling, “—hour, that’s it, I swear.” 

Pike shakes his head, fighting a smile. “It is never just an hour.”

“Hey guys,” interrupts the woman. “Who’s most likely to try to get everyone to go out after this?” 

Pike and Dagenais burst into laughter. Dagenais claps his hands and paces in a circle, grinning madly. 

Hollander turns to face the camera fully. The light catches on the circular logo of his practice jersey. The symbol for the Montreal Metros sits in the circle’s center.

The words “Property of Montreal” curl along the circumference of the circle in dark red ink.  

Wryly, Hollander says, “I think we have an unfair advantage on this on—”

“J.J. was just on one of his campaigns,” explains Pike. 

“It would be fun!” defends Dagenais. He grips Pike by the shoulders and shakes him teasingly. “You want to. You know you do.” 

“It’s my night to do bath time,” says Pike, removing Dagenais’ hands with his own. “Shane’s the one with no good excuse.”

“Hey, don’t turn on me,” says Hollander, but he’s smiling. 

“Okay, okay, so I will call your wife after practice and tell her that le capitaine and I will babysit for a whole day if she just covers this one bath time.” Dagenais sounds smug. “And then you will have no excuse.” 

Hollander tries to push past Dagenais to the rink. “Hey, why am I being bartered too?” 

Dagenais catches him and slings one arm across his shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe because you like hanging out with me.” He pokes him solidly in the chest. “And because it is good for you to spend time with your friends instead of being all alone in your apartment. Which is why you are going out with us tonight.” 

Hollander pushes J.J. off with an exasperated smile. With a non-committal hum, he walks off towards the rink. 

“You know he’s right, Shane,” Pike calls after him. “You don’t even have a cat to go home to.” 

From off-camera, Hollander says, “Stop attacking me.” 

Dagenais leans in towards the camera and winks. “Don’t worry. I will convince him.” The video ends.]

montreal metros  • 19 Oct 2015

The whole team’s counting on you, J.J.

dparker I love them more than I love my real family

hannahmills11 doesnt drapeau have kids? god help his wife  

metros_moments @JJDagenais DO NOT CONVINCE HIM. WE NEED SHANE HOLLANDER ON HIS YEAR ROUND SEX BAN SO HE STAYS ELITE. FOR THE STANLEY CUP YOU WILL LET THAT MAN GO HOME

racheltate @metros_moments i think shane hollander can go out for drinks with his friends without having sex...

chiffondarkly @racheltate no he's right if shane hollander sets foot in a montreal bar you could not keep the hoes off of him with a loaded gun. we need him cloistered like a nun to preserve our playoffs chances

sincerelylambs @racheltate he's the hall pass for the entire city 

johndennis @racheltate i'd suck his dick right now if i could. jesus fuck is that man good at hockey

shaydenaisedits Drapeau: seeing your own kids counts as babysitting, right?

Shaydenais, meanwhile: *coparenting on main*

they are SUPREME

yamsdaily mom can you pick me up? yeah. yeah the shaydenais shippers are back again. yeah they still think three straight men are in a gay throuple even though one’s married and one dates women and one's shane hollander. yea—absolute freaks about it, every time. ruin every post

…

oldfoundland WE WERE ALL COUNTING ON YOU J.J. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to the darkened exterior of Bell Centre. The background is choked with a churning crowd of people. In the forefront of the shot stands a woman in a beanie hat that bears the logo of the Montreal Metros. She is holding a tiny pink microphone between three fingers. Next to her stands a man in a heavy overcoat. 

“What do you think of Shane Hollander?” the interviewer asks, into the microphone. 

At the bottom of the screen, two sets of captions appear. One tracks her words in English. The other tracks her words in French. 

She holds the microphone out to the man. He shuffles his feet for a moment, then says, “I mean, I’m pretty pissed, and I think the suspension’s fair.” He nods to himself. “He got caught fucking around and now he’s gotta pay the piper. That seems fair.”

She pulls the microphone back towards her. “So will you be attending the game tonight?” 

The man glances around him. “If I don’t get hit by a rock first, sure.”

The video cuts again. The same interviewer stands with a different man. The man appears agitated. 

In French, she asks, “What do you think about Shane Hollander dating another man?” 

“I don’t care,” the man replies immediately, also in French. “I don’t care. We need him back today.”  

The interviewer pulls back the microphone. “Even though the man is Ilya Rozanov?” 

“I don’t care,” he insists. “Listen to me: I hate Rozanov. When he comes to this city, I burn his jersey in the streets. My answer is not because it is Rozanov. It is because it is Shane fucking Hollander.” 

The interviewer opens her mouth to reply. The man talks over her. 

“Over fifty goals in his rookie season”—he ticks it off on his fingers—“back-to-back Stanley Cups. The first person in history—in history—to play a two hundred point season. I could walk in on that man having sex with my mother, my father, and my wife, and I would light him candles. I do not care. Get him back today.” 

The video cuts again. The interviewer now stands with another, taller woman. 

Again in English, the interviewer asks, “How did you feel when you found out about Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov?”

“I thought he could do better,” the other woman replies, matter-of-factly. She adds, “I still think that.”

The video cuts. The interviewer stands before a group of people, several of whom are holding cardboard signs. One sign reads, “Hockey is for Everyone.” The others read, “We Already Knew He Could Handle a Stick,” and “Captain, We’re With You,” and “Just Because He Let Him Score Doesn’t Mean He Let Him Score.” A first “Score” is bracketed by two hand-drawn rainbows. The second “Score” is accompanied by a picture of a hockey puck. 

A woman with rainbow stripes painted on either cheek stands at their front. The interviewer asks her, “Are you here tonight to protest?” 

The woman leans in towards the microphone. “We are here to fight for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov.” 

The people standing behind her cheer. 

A piece of hair blows in the woman’s face. She tucks it back and adds, “But we are also fighting for more than that. We are fighting for queer athletes in hockey”—more cheers—“and in all sports.” The cheers grow louder. “We are fighting to defend what our city stands for. That’s why we’re here.”

The interviewer pulls back her microphone. “And what do you mean by that?”

“Montreal is a city that loves hockey,” she explains. “It is a city that loves the queer community. And if the best hockey player in the world cannot be gay here, then where can he be gay?”

The people with her hoot and shake their signs. 

“The Metros in there tonight, they all tried to force out Shane Hollander because he's queer. But they need to remember where they are standing. It is the Montreal Metros. And they do not get to represent us if they do not accept us.” The cheering grows thunderous. The woman raises her voice to still be heard. “We have fought for our place in this city for hundreds of years, and we are not going anywhere. If they don’t like that, then they are the ones who have to leave.” 

Somewhere from off camera, someone shouts, “Olé, olé, olé, olé.” The chant is quickly picked up throughout the crowd and becomes a roar, echoing from all sides. 

The interviewer presses closer to be heard. “If you could tell Shane Hollander anything right now, what would it be?” 

The woman’s eyes are wet with unshed tears. When she speaks, her voice is slightly thick. “That he isn’t alone. He has never been alone. He belongs on this team, in this city, and we will bring him home to us. Montreal has him, and we will not ever let him go.”

The woman smiles encouragingly at the camera. The video ends.]

victorine gauthier • 15 Jan 2018

All of Montreal is here tonight...  

La Ville entière est icitte à soir...

…

dinosaur doomsday @DarbyHarris

do the metros honestly think they can stop a riot tonight as if their fans haven’t already rioted over shane hollander multiple times. wasn’t one of them literally this season

6:03 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 32 retweets | 108 likes

Louis Tremblay @louisthe24th

no we only tried to set one bus on fire. we can do way better 

6:32 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 788 retweets | 3.8k likes

hunchback of bell centre @beltradame

@DarbyHarris it’s not a riot until we destroy at least three cars. that was borderline pacifism

6:44 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 107 retweets | 865 likes

riot squad h @anon_account_67

they didn’t even tear gas us @DarbyHarris

6:52 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 343 retweets | 2.9k likes

captain’s girl @margaretteb

Ilya Rozanov: My Shane

The Entire Province of Quebec: 

[Image: A slightly distorted image of Bugs Bunny with his hand outstretched, overlaid with the flag of the Soviet Union. It is captioned: “Our Shane”.] 

6:05 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 11.9k retweets | 23.8k likes

Collette Morin @collettelmorin

with his number of shots on goal he can fuck my husband if he wants to

6:08 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2.8k retweets | 7.2k likes

Marvin @marvin6564

guys I want Shane Hollander back as much as anyone but jfc did he have to fuck rozanov??? if you gotta bend over for someone at least take it out of the conference. It’s fucking humiliating 

11:32 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 3.9k retweets | 8.8k likes

Rose’s Garden @adozenrosies

!!! ATTENTION ROSIES !!! @JacksonLeeOfficial has made the incredible decision to join the NHL strike. He needs help getting in touch with Rose and our boys so everyone go to his post right now and boost it!! It’s time to show him how many people he has in his corner!!! @JacksonLeeOfficial THANK YOU for your bravery tonight. We’re all behind you!

6:11 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 303.1k retweets | 651.3k likes

Cart McKinney @CMcKinney

This kind of delusional, entitled behavior that’s been spewing out of the fanbase these last few days is the reason why thirty years from now we’re going to be looking at all the titles Shane Hollander won for another team and wondering how we fumbled him. 

6:12 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 5.7k retweets | 12.9k likes

metros comeback @Mr200Pts

@officialshanehollander Cap, if you want us to stay loyal to you here, you gotta start making this up to us first. I’m talking 

• Dump Rozanov, STAT 
• No more screwing the enemy. If you gotta suck dick take it out of the league entirely. it’s fucking shameful 
• Actually, no more sucking dick. Focus on hockey for once. You obviously need to remember where your priorities lie. 
• Fix what you broke. This team had the best dynamic in franchise history and this seasons been a disgrace. do what you gotta do to rebuild trust and get us back where we were. Then maybe MAYBE we’ll forgive you 

5:33 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 4.9k retweets | 11.3k likes

Sam @sammywatson95

@officialshanehollander cap baby please leave that ugly fucking boston man. we can get you any guy in the province. in the country. do you want the prime minister we can get you the prime minister  

6:12 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7.8k retweets | 13.1k likes

pardon the intrusion but @elephant888

honey they tried to kill him for the gay thing 

6:13 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 4.3k retweets | 11.2k likes

tim hortons evil cousin @hcokeytime

the controversial thing about Shane Hollander is not that he’s gay it’s that he’s fucking Ilya Rozanov 

3:13 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 55.9k retweets | 89.1k likes

ESPN @ESPN

Montreal Metros’ Owner Dan Easterbrook to address the press with Interim Captain J.J. Dagenais in advance of tonight’s game. Watch live on ESPN. 

6:15 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 88.9k retweets | 123.8k likes

…

Intervention DO NOT TELL SHANE

25 Nov 2017, 21:40

Hayden any updates

25 Nov 2017, 22:08

Yuna and I saw the news 

They’re saying he’s not gonna be on the injury reserve

Announcement felt a little weird. 

Is he really okay?

25 Nov 2017, 23:19 

Hayden 

He’s not okay. 

Nothing’s okay. 

I can’t believe I’m doing this

I’m invoking you 

Our Boy

Pike what are you talking about? 

Hayden 

I can’t handle this. I need you to handle this

You’re the only one who Shane listens to

Medical cleared him for tomorrow night’s game 

Shane agreed to challenge it until he found out they already told the media. Now he says he’s going to play and he won’t listen to me and he won’t listen to J.J. and I don’t know what to do

I don’t care what you have to do but you fucking stop him. Do whatever it takes he cannot go out there tomorrow he cannot

What’s going on?

How badly is he hurt?

Our Boy

Pike answer my fucking calls

Hayden

Dude I literally cannot answer right now. 

I’m still at the stadium. Someone could hear me talking to you.  

[Image: A photograph of Shane Hollander, taken from an angle. He sits on a medical cot, shirtless, with his legs hanging off the side of the bed. A dark and mottled purple and red bruise spans the length of his right side, from the bottom of his hip to just under his armpit. On his left side, there is a smaller, darker bruise stretching from mid-torso to just under his left pec. His jawline is tense with pain and anger.] 

Yuna

Oh Jesus 

Hayden 

I don’t know what to do anymore   

They’re trying to kill him 

Oh my god they’re actually trying to kill him

His side’s totally fucked and they’re going to put him back out like that 

Shane’s refusing to demand a second opinion now

He’s convinced if he does it after the team already announced that he wasn’t injured that the news will figure out something’s wrong and it’ll make the rumors worse 

Which is why those fucking assholes made the announcement to begin with. God they’re not even fucking trying to hide what they’re doing anymore because they know Shane will do it for them

There’s already too many reporters hanging around right now because of his fucking ice time and he’s terrified that if there’s anymore attention on him right now someone will find out what’s going on. 

Some reporter got ahold of our rookie’s number and called asking if he’d go on record about whatever was up with Shane this season

She offered him like $50k for the story 

Coach lost his entire shit over it 

And then blamed Shane because of course 

And then he wouldn’t let him off the ice and Shane wouldn’t fucking fold and this fucking happened

Now Shane’s so fucking freaked that someone’s going to out him to the press that he’d rather play injured than do anything else to attract attention.  

He just keeps saying that he can’t wake up to that headline no matter what I say to him

I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t 

J.J.’s been screaming at management for the last hour to put him on injury

He’s threatening to call ownership but I don’t know if Shane will let us 

Or if they’ll even fucking do anything to help

Yuna

I’m calling our lawyers just hang on 

Tell him he’s not playing 

He is not allowed to play 

Tell him Mom and Dad said so 

Hayden

They’re just going to tell him to demand the second opinion and he won’t 

I swear to god I’ve told him that already 

I told him you’d never let him go out like this and he says he has to do it anyway 

Dude please tell me that you are silent because you already went rogue. You are the only one with a shot at getting through to him

Our Boy

I was chartering a fucking plane 

No flights out until tomorrow afternoon. I hired jet instead. Headed to airport now. Will be there in a few hours. 

Hayden

YES 

YES 

Oh my god I have never rooted for you more 

Send me the flight info man I will come get you 

Yes thank you oh my god thank you  

Our Boy

No I will rent car

Go stay with Shane until I get there 

If he is alone he will do stupid things

How long since he went home

Hayden

He didn’t he’s waiting for us in medical 

We made him lie down he should still be there 

Our Boy

Pike are you fucking stupid

We had deal 

He is not alone in that awful fucking place ever

I tell you to follow him into bathroom stall if you have to and you decide it is okay to leave him alone 

Injured 

In evil building crawling with assholes 

Go back right now 

Yuna

Wait wait wait wait

Shane didn’t tell us anything about this 

Our Boy

Pike go back now

Yuna

Do you think someone on the team is going to attack him if he’s alone?

If it’s gotten that bad then his father and I have a right to know about it

Did Shane tell you not to tell us?

Our Boy

Yuna no I will explain later 

Pike if you do not go back right fucking now 

Hayden

It is impossible to type fast enough for you people

Could you give me a second to explain??

 Our Boy

Village is without idiot so you can play bad hockey 

GO

BACK

NOW

He is not answering phone 

Pike you dumb fucking asshole you said you would not ever leave him alone there you promised me

Hayden

Jesus Christ stop calling that thing J.J. has it 

The team’s gone I swear. It’s just me with a bunch of maintenance and cleaning guys out here and they don’t know shit 

Coach and that dipshit from the gm’s office are still here but J.J.’s holding them hostage in the office rn so it’s not like they can go after Shane. Calm the fuck down 

Do you think they would?

Yuna

Is that a legitimate concern?

Our Boy

How long since you left him

Go check on him anyway I don’t care 

Yuna

Boys one of you tell me what’s going on

Hayden

Shane doesn’t know about it 

I mean he’s definitely figured out I’ve been following him into the bathroom but he doesn't know about the deal 

Okay? That’s it. I’m sorry we just didn't want to freak you out 

And this goes on the list of things we don’t tell Shane 

Yuna

Is there a separate list of things you two aren’t telling us?

You should have told us the second this started.  

Our Boy

Pike are you back with him yet?

Hayden

You know what? No. I’m sitting in the hall trying to figure out if it will be better or worse for my best friends continued existence if I go back in there and start another fight with the evil piece of shit who controls both of our lives 

Can you give me some fucking credit by now? I wouldn’t have left him without making sure it was safe first. 

Our Boy

Okay

Will you go check on him anyway

I will even say please 

J.J. will do screaming I am worried about his side 

It looks very bad and he is stubborn and will try to leave 

Hayden

Team doc says it’s just heavy bruising

Our Boy

Team doc is a fucking idiot who thinks medicine begins and ends with hiv screening test 

Just go now before he leaves 

Hayden

I’m going I’m going 

And you didn’t actually say please you just said you would say please don’t think I missed that

Shane can’t go anywhere right now so stop worrying about that

J.J. took his keys from him so he couldn’t leave without us and took his phone so he couldn’t blow us off and call a car 

He says it doesn’t hurt that bad but we don’t think he can get home like this 

Our Boy

He is lying to you 

He just does not like pain killers

He needs to go to hospital I do not trust your idiot team doctor 

Hayden

Shane won’t go to the fucking hospital 

He says there’s no point because he can’t get treatment without that fucking asshole’s permission

Our Boy

Just fucking go!

Do not tell asshole doctor just go to the hospital and do not tell him

Is that simple 

Hayden

I tried that already!!

Shane

Won’t 

Do 

It

He’s worried about someone seeing him there and posting it online

And I told him fuck that but he just said that they’ve got enough to hold over him without adding breach of contract to the list and he won’t fucking budge okay I tried everything 

Yuna

Get him to the hospital. I don’t care if you have to tie him down in the back seat of your car just do it 

David’s getting the car okay we’ll be there soon too 

Hayden

Please don’t take this the wrong way but Shane begged me to stop you guys from coming down here 

I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t want you here I think he’s just freaked out and overwhelmed right now 

Yuna + Our Boy

25 Nov 2017, 23:28

Our Boy

Yuna Dave please do not be upset right now

Shane knows you will not let anyone hurt him that is why he does not want you to come 

He wants to just let assholes do this to him because last talk with lawyers scared him 

We will not let him do this okay 

We will figure something else out 

Stay at house tonight 

I will talk to him about you coming tomorrow 

I will take care of him until then I promise you this

Yuna 

We know you will 

I hate this 

I’m calling Andrea now 

Call us when you’re with him 

We love you both so so much okay 

Please make sure Shane knows that too

Our Boy

He has known that for a very long time 

But I will tell him. It is good for him to hear I think

Intervention DO NOT TELL SHANE

25 Nov 2017, 23:31

Hayden

Okay I’m with him he’s fine 

Pissed but fine 

He just said “don’t go telling everyone I’m hurt and freaking them out” oh my god

Our Boy

Okay good here is what we are doing 

Yuna and David will talk to lawyers about options. No one will tell Shane about this he will not like it after last time

Pike you need to take Shane home. Do not take him to hospital he will just refuse to get out of the car. I will convince him to go when I get there. 

Do not leave him alone. I do not care what he says. Stay in the same room as him even if he is sleeping. If something is wrong you need to be there to call ambulance 

I will be there in three hours. Find a way to get rid of J.J. before I get there 

26 Nov 2017, 00:38

Our Boy

Pike the plane is about to leave tell me you are doing what I told you to do

Hayden 

Sorry I was talking to J.J. 

He thinks he can get management to cave thank god

He’s going to keep screaming at people while I take Shane home

I told Shane you’re coming he’s sort of pissed 

And by sort of I mean extremely 

He says to tell you that you have a game and you need to stay for it

He also wants me to tell you his side is fine and we’re all just making a big deal over nothing but he is lying man do not listen to him

Our Boy

Yes that sounds like him 

Tell him I do not give a fuck about the game 

I told team that Jane was in car accident and is in the hospital. Management has already agreed that I am not playing so it is too late to stop me. 

Also tell him that team is begging me for address so they can send him flowers and big fluffy bears in Boston raiders jerseys. He will be so annoyed. 

I have to turn off phone until plane is in the air 

Do not leave him alone pike not even for a little bit. I do not care what he says to you. 

Hayden

I won’t 

I got him I swear 

Just get here soon

…

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander

Montreal, I love you. Since the first time I climbed the mountain, to eating La Banquise, to the moment I stepped onto Bell Centre ice, I knew that Montreal was, is, and would always be, home.

I will never be able to properly thank everyone who’s given their energy, passion, and support to the team—yes, we play, but to play without fans means nothing. So, I’m asking that if you do choose to protest tonight, please do so peacefully. I don’t want anyone getting hurt tonight, please.

6:15 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 505.8k retweets | 734.9k likes

Shane Hollander @officialshanehollander

Montréal, je t’aime. Depuis que j’ai posé mes pieds sur la terre de ta montagne, que j’ai mangé à La Banquise, et que j’ai pris mon premier pas sur la glace du Centre Bell, je savais que Montréal était, est, et sera toujours, mon « chez nous ».

Je pourrai jamais remercier comme il faut tous ceux qui ont donné leur énergie, leur passion et leur soutien à l’équipe à chaque match —oui, on joue, mais jouer ça fait rien sans les gens qui nous encouragent. Je vous en prie : si vous choisissez de manifester, faites le sans violence et sans incident. Je veux aucunes blessures ce soir svp.

6:15 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 321.8k retweets | 639.2k likes

…

[Broadcast: A press scrum mills restlessly in the press room of Bell Centre. At the front of the room, a table has been set up in front of a white backdrop. The white backdrop has been emblazoned with repeating logos for the Montreal Metros. 

The majority owner of the Metros, Dan Easterbrook, sits at the table next to J.J. Dagenais.  Easterbrook is wearing a sharp navy suit. Dagenais is wearing his jersey for the Montreal Metros. A stark white ‘A’ has been added to the upper left corner. 

Easterbrook is smiling. Dagenais is not. 

Easterbrook raises one hand to quiet the din. The press scrum slowly settles. 

When it’s silent, Easterbrook leans in towards the microphone before him. “Thank you all for coming out today. I know everyone’s got a lot of questions, and you’re gonna get a chance to ask them in a moment. But first I want to make one thing absolutely clear, and it’s that the Montreal Metros stand behind Shane Hollander one hundred percent.”

The press murmurs. 

“Right now, I have personally been in contact with Hollander’s team and the NHL Commissioner’s office to ensure that this investigation is resolved as quickly as possible. And until it is, we’re going to be keeping the fires going for him. We’re keeping this team fighting fit and in the runnings for the playoffs so Shane Hollander can hit the ground running as soon as we get him back.”

Easterbrook claps Dagenais on the shoulder and smiles proudly at him. Dagenais doesn’t return his look. He just stares at the table in front of him, lost in thought. 

“And we’ve got one of the best members of our team to hold the fort down for him until then," announces Easterbrook. "Now that that’s clear, I’m gonna open the floor to questions.” He points to someone in the scrum. “Yes, you.” 

“Stacy Gonzalez, The Athletic,” says the reporter. “In the course of this season, one of your players, Hayden Pike, sent Shane Hollander’s father text messages containing some variation of the phrase ‘They’re trying to kill him’ on thirty-six separate occasions, with ‘them’ being the Montreal Metros and ‘him’ being Shane Hollander. How do you reconcile that with your own claim that the Metros are behind him ‘one hundred percent’?”

Easterbrook bobs his head in a nod. “Coming out the gate with the hard questions. I respect it.” He drags a hand through his hair. “Candidly, it concerns me deeply. No player on the Metros should ever be afraid for their safety. That’s not what this organization stands for—it’s not what it’s ever stood for. Which is why I’ve launched a full internal investigation into these claims. We are going through everything with a fine-tooth comb so that if there is a problem, we can put a stop to it. And I’ve hired a fleet of diversity and inclusion specialists to work proactively with the team and the members of my staff so that way if there was some kind of, of unconscious bias exhibited towards Shane Hollander, it’s gone in time for his return. Ye—“

He starts to point to another reporter. Gonzalez cuts back in before he can speak. 

“After the Metros’ coach learned that Hollander was gay, he kept him in active play for more than ten minutes at a time during official games. A pretty drastic increase from his previous shift average of fifty-three seconds. Would you call the bias driving that ‘unconscious’?”

“We’re investigating that.”

“You’re investigating if it’s unconscious?”

“We’re investigating if any member of our coaching staff has ever acted with bias or discriminatory intent towards Shane Hollander,” corrects Easterbrook. “Very thoroughly, I assure you. And while we do, our head coach will be on a leave of absence.” He shakes his head.  “Look, I promise you, ensuring the safety of Shane Hollander and our other players is a top priority for this club. But we found out about all this at the same time all of you did, and we need time to find out exactly what happened.” He points to another reporter. “Yes, go ahead.” 

“Jeb Masters, TMZ Sports,” he says. “How do you feel about Shane Hollander sleeping with the rival team’s captain?” 

Easterbrook gives him a wry smile. “Well, I can’t help but question his taste.” 

Laughter ripples through the press scrum. 

Easterbrook shrugs. “Am I a fan of Ilya Rozanov? Of course not. Because I’m a Metros fan, through and through. But, at the end of the day, Shane Hollander is free to date anyone he wants, man or woman, as long as that does not compromise his game play. And as soon as the League finishes verifying that, this team will support his relationship, the same way we’d support the relationship of any of our players.” He gives a small smile. “Hell, Ilya Rozanov can watch the first game after Shane Hollander’s return with me in my personal box. I’ll even buy him a Hollander jersey; they’re very popular.” 

More laughter. Easterbrook points to another reporter. 

“Hi, Rush Walters, The Hockey News,” says another reporter. “You said earlier that you found out about the discrimination against Hollander at the same time everyone else did. But Shane Hollander’s line shifts have been making headlines since the season started. Are you saying you weren’t aware of that?”

“Well, Rush, I’m gonna confess something to you,” says Easterbrook. “And it’s that I’m not a hockey expert. I love the sport, I have since I was a little boy, but I do not have the knowledge or the experience that it takes to lead a team to the Stanley Cup. That’s why I hired experts to do it for me, and I have never once pretended to know enough to tell them how to do their jobs.”

He shifts a bit in his seat. “I was aware that Hollander was spending more time on the ice this season,” he admits. “I try to watch every game. My team assured me that they were experimenting with new strategies, and that Hollander was helping them do that.” Murmurs from the press. Easterbrook raises his voice to be heard over them. “And I never heard otherwise from Shane Hollander. If I had, I would have been flying in on the next plane so I could handle the matter personally.” 

Walters sounds doubtful. “So a one thousand percent increase in one player’s shift time was… strategy?” 

Easterbrook spreads his palms helplessly. “The Metros have never been afraid to push the boundaries of what this sport is capable of. And Shane Hollander has redefined what we think is possible more than once. He has always, always been the first player we turn to when we want to challenge the limits of our game play, because, well. He’s Shane Hollander.” 

A smattering of laughter rustles through the press. 

Easterbrook continues, “But it has always been our top priority to ensure he’s safe when we do that. And I think you’ll also find in that leak that I had reached out to Hollander’s team to request a personal meeting with him to make sure that was still the case. Unfortunately, we were unable to set up that meeting before this happened. But you have my word that we will be taking every effort to make sure that he is safe and supported on his return, both on the ice and off it.” 

He points to another reporter. 

“Is it true that Shane Hollander requested to be traded to another team this season?” she asks. “And if it is, is it true that you turned that request down?” 

Easterbrook’s jaw ticks slightly. “That’s one of the things we’re investigating.”

She sounds bemused. “You need to investigate if the captain of your team requested to be taken off of it?” 

“All I can tell you is that if Hollander put in a trade request, it never reached my desk. Those kinds of requests typically wouldn’t. That’s the general manager’s wheelhouse and always has been. Of course, if Shane Hollander was the one asking to be traded, I would want to be told about it, because I would have wanted to resolve the matter myself. If there was any request, it never made it to me.”

“And if he asked you to trade him today, would you?”

“No.” Easterbrook’s reply is immediate. He shakes his head. “Look, I am Shane Hollander’s number one fan, and it is not lost on me how stiff the competition is for that title. But it’s true. As soon as his rookie contract expired, I sat down with my GM and I told him his absolute priority going forward was to make sure that he ended his career in Metros' blue. We would never consider a trade for him, and we would extend his contract every time for the maximum term, and that is exactly what we did. It is possible that a miscommunication around that directive resulted in Hollander’s trade request being rejected out of hand, and we are looking into that. But right now I’m focused on getting Shane Hollander back where he belongs—and that’s on our ice, in our colors. If he asked me for a trade today, I’d ask him what I can do to make him want to stay.” 

He points to another reporter. 

“Faith MacKenzie,” she says. “With The Hockey Writers. I have a question for Mr. Dagenais—you’re not wearing the captain’s ‘C’ tonight. Why is that?”

The camera shifts to focus on Dagenais. He stares at the reporter for a long beat. 

“I’m not the captain of the Metros,” he says, slow and clear. “Shane Hollander is the captain.” 

“Mr. Dagenais, you’ve been on the inside of the Metros this season,” MacKenzie continues. “Do you believe that Hollander was targeted based on his sexual orientation?”

Easterbrook puts a warning hand on Dagenais’ shoulder. “While the investigation is ongoing, we cannot com—

“This season should have never happened the way it did,” cuts in Dagenais. 

Murmurs churn through the room.

Dagenias stares furiously at the table. He looks lost. “He—Shane should have never been left on the ice for that long, he—he should have never been recorded in our locker room, he—” He cuts himself off sharply, then shakes his head. “It just shouldn’t have happened.” 

Easterbrook squeezes Dagenais’ shoulder reassuringly. “Which is why we’re so working hard to make sure that Shane Hollander is going to be safe, happy, and healthy when he gets back.” 

Dagenais nods, straightening a bit. “I, um—if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Shane loves this team. He loves being a Metro. He wanted more than anything to retire here. And, he, he told me himself that if there was absolutely any way he could stay, then he would do it. Well”—J.J. glances back at Easterbrook—“I’ve talked a lot with Mr. Easterbrook and the team he’s brought in and I, I really think we have that here. People who are going to fight for him, and make sure that he can come back and that things will finally be better. I wouldn’t be sitting at this table if I didn’t believe that. And”—his jaw ticks—“I hope Shane knows that about me. I thought he did.” 

Easterbrook smiles at him. “How about we take another question?” He points to another member of the scrum. “Yes, go ahead.” 

“This question is also for Mr. Dagenais,” the reporter says. “Have you been in contact with Shane Hollander since the leak?” 

“No, I, uh, I’ve been out these last couple weeks,” says Dagenais. He nods a bit. “On injury, and so, uh. I wasn’t with him when this happened, and well…” He looks away quickly. “I had to get a new phone number. So did he. No, we haven’t been able to talk.” 

“And did you know?” the reporter says. “About his relationship with Ilya Rozanov?” 

Dagenais' voice cuts with bitter anger. “What, you didn’t find that answer when you were rooting through his text messages?” 

Easterbrook gives him a small glance. Dagenais shakes his head. 

“No,” he says, calmer this time. “No, I didn’t know.” 

“Would you have liked to know?”

The reply is immediate. “Yes.”

The reporter hesitates a beat, then adds, “Would it have changed anything for you?”

“No,” Dagenais says evenly. “But I would have liked to know.”

Easterbrook claps him firmly on the shoulder. “Thank you all for coming out tonight, but we’ve got to get our interim captain to warm-ups. If I could have a few final words, I’d just like to remind everyone to avoid speculation and to let us clear this mess up as soon as possible. We want to get our captain back home in time for the playoffs.” He smiles. “Shane Hollander’s not going anywhere.”]

Chapter End Notes

habs fans I love you. carolina fans please don’t come for me im just talking shit

EDIT 09.09.26: The French translations/and their English corollaries have been updated thanks to the incomparable quillquiver! Thank you so much for using your Montreal insight and linguistic abilities to make this fic better!

Chapter 8: 01.15.18

Chapter Notes

oh my god an update its a late labor day miracle

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to a crowded bar in the middle of a raucous celebration. Most of the patrons are wearing New York Admirals jerseys. Multiple bartenders stand on the bar, pouring shots straight from the bottle into the open mouths of patrons. Above the bar, multiple televisions are set to the same channel. 

On screen, Scott Hunter hoists the Stanley Cup. 

The celebration continues as the television lingers on Scott Hunter, who stares up at the stands above him. He waves someone down to join him. 

The din starts to quiet as more people’s attention is drawn back to the game. On screen, the television tracks a man on his path down from the stands towards the rink. When the man joins Hunter on the ice, someone from off-camera whistles sharply to silence the remaining celebrations. 

The bar falls silent as Scott Hunter gathers the man from the stands in his arms. He pulls him close and kisses him passionately in the middle of the rink, with the Stanley Cup at their backs. 

From off-camera, someone in the bar shouts, “Oh shit, he’s gay!”

The bar erupts into cheering. 

Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York begins to play over the reel. 

The camera cuts to an openly intoxicated man, shirtless, climbing a stoplight. There is a bunched-up red shirt clenched between his teeth. When the man reaches the top of the post, he drapes the shirt over the bar. The shirt is revealed to be a New York Admirals’ jersey with the name “HUNTER” stretching across its back. The crowd below cheers at the sight. The man perches at the top of the stoplight pumping his fists as the jersey flutters lightly in the breeze. 

The camera cuts. In the middle of a crowded street, someone sets off a firework. Several people jerk away in alarm. A couple of them laugh. 

The firework bursts in the air above, red and gold and white. 

The camera cuts. A group of four women huddle around their phones in a crowded bar. One of them flaps one hand in excitement. “Oh shit, I think I found him!”

The camera is able to catch a glimpse of the screen of her phone, mostly obscured by glare. It appears to be open to Instagram. A picture of Kip Grady is pulled up. 

The woman draws her phone back and scrolls for a moment. With open glee, she looks up and announces, “He’s fucking an art student!” 

The group explodes into celebrations. Several of them exchange high-fives. Two of them throw their arms around each other and bounce.    

The camera cuts. The same woman who found Kip Grady’s photograph in the previous clip has leaned far enough back that her head is almost parallel with the ground. A full shot glass is held in her open mouth. 

Another woman comes up to her side and carefully takes the open mouth of the shot glass between her teeth. Together, they rotate their positions so the shot drops fully into the second woman’s mouth. 

The first woman releases her and walks back to the camera, laughing. From off camera, someone asks, “Do you even know who that is?”

The woman shakes her head wryly, still laughing. 

The camera cuts. On a crowded street corner, a trio of middle aged men angrily tear off their New York Admirals’ jerseys and toss them in an overflowing trash bin. 

From off camera, a voice screams at the men, “Hey asswipes!” A large iced coffee soars in from out of frame. It sails narrowly past their heads and explodes against a nearby window. “Go fuck yourselves!”

The three men stomp away, shirtless and disgruntled. 

One of the women from earlier skips into frame. She pulls one of the jerseys out from the garbage and holds it up so its back is exposed to the camera. 

Across its back, it reads: HUNTER. 

The woman rolls it up and tosses it over one shoulder and performs a small, celebratory dance. 

The camera cuts to reveal the night sky framed by skyscrapers. In the background, the song reaches its crescendo as rainbow-colored confetti fills the screen, drifting dreamily towards the ground. 

kennedy watts • 11 June 2017

GAYEST TEAM IN THE NHL

gsullivan first time an admiral has lifted the cup since ‘94… I don’t even care that hunters a homo. I’m proud to call the admirals my team

   kennedy_watts bro.

   gsullivan what? I said I DIDN'T care

…

Thousands Flock to Opening Season Game Following New York Admirals’ Captain’s Historic Coming Out 

08 Oct 2017 • 10:43 P.M. EST

Well, it’s hockey season again. And it looks like nobody was more ready for that first puck to drop than the people of New York. 

Tickets for the Admirals’ first game of the regular season opened to the general public late this August—and sold out in a record time. And the demand hasn’t stopped with the first game. If you want to see the Admirals on their home ice, you’ll have to wait until at least mid-December. For the foreseeable future, the Admirals will be playing to a full house. 

Fans of the New York Admirals have a lot to celebrate this season after last seasons’ playoffs saw the team bring home the Stanley Cup for the first time in over twenty years. But the biggest draw for the crowds has less to do with the team's recent title and more to do with their captain’s love life. At the final game of last season, long-time Admirals’ captain Scott Hunter revealed his secret relationship with another man: everyday New Yorker Christopher “Kip” Grady. And for many? An openly gay captain is the only reason they need to be an Admirals’ fan. 

“I came from North Carolina,” one fan told this reporter, as she was waiting to enter the arena. “I’m not even a hockey fan. I came for Scott Hunter.” 

She wasn’t unique in this. More than one audience member at tonight’s opening game demonstrated a willingness to travel from across the country just to support a single player. 

“All the way from Texas,” said another. He was wearing the Admirals’ newest merch offering: a rainbow “Hunter” jersey that sold out within eight hours of its release. “I saw some people online talking about how they were traveling up from Virginia to protest Hunter. When I saw that, I thought to myself, ‘Well, I’ll come twice as far just to support him.’” 

For all the overwhelming support Hunter’s drawn, his detractors have been just as vocal. Earlier this summer, a viral petition to suspend Hunter from play following his infamous Stanley Cup kiss garnered more than ten thousand signatures in support. A representative for the NHL’s Commissioner’s Office commented that the League had “no intention” on acting on the petition, adding that the NHL “did not discriminate based on sexual orientation.”

Still, Hunter’s naysayers are far from deterred. Just last month, Madison Square Garden rolled out heightened restrictions on its bag protocols and security screenings, citing “safety concerns” related to the upcoming hockey season. And as the crowds for the season’s first game arrived, so did the protestors. 

“It’s a blatant attack on traditional family values,” explained Pauline Westman, who traveled from Minnesota to protest the game. She was joined by fellow members of her local chapter of Christian Athletics United (CAU), a faith-based organization which has strongly condemned Hunter’s decision to make his sexuality public. “Hunter’s a public figure. He’s someone our boys look up to. And he chose to promote his lifestyle to all the impressionable young men who idolize him. It’s not right.”

The CAU is not the only organization to issue statements criticizing Hunter following last year’s playoffs. Even the St. Thomas Scholarship Foundation—which previously lauded Hunter as its most successful alum—has condemned Hunter’s actions as “not in alignment with the long-held values of [the] organization.” 

Hunter, the Foundation noted, would not be returning to its annual fundraising gala in the upcoming year. It will be the first time in ten years that Hunter will not be welcome at the gala that once facilitated his own hockey career. 

Hunter did not respond to a request for a comment regarding the St. Thomas Scholarship Foundation’s statement against him. He did, however, announce his intention to attend PFLAG NYC’s upcoming fundraising gala. The gala would in part be raising funds for The Scott Hunter Grant,  a new fund intended to help young queer athletes pursue careers in athletics. In his statement, Hunter indicated that he intended to match any donations made towards the grant’s inaugural year, up to half a million dollars. 

“I believe that everyone has a place on the ice, regardless of their sexual identity,” explained Hunter, in his statement. “And I am firmly committed to doing my part to make that belief a reality. I invite my fans and my fellow players to join me in making hockey safe for people from all walks of life.”

More like this:

Montreal Metros’ Shane Hollander Breaks All-Time Record For Longest Line Shift In Season’s Opening Game

Scott Hunter, the New York Admirals, and Pride: Is The NHL Entering A New Era of Acceptance for Queer Athletes?

Just Watched The Stanley Cup Finals? Here’s Everything That We Know So Far About Kip Grady

…

Google

Search History

August 09, 2017 

01:32 a.m. 

—

Scott Hunter coming out team reaction

Scott Hunter gay safe 

Has Scott Hunter been safe since he came out nhl 

Scott Hunter gay backlash

How did the New York admirals react to Scott Hunter being gay

Hockey team accepts gay teammate

Is it safe to come out to your teammates in hockey

YouTube anxiety sleep meditation 

…

dinosaur theater @adamsmith41

my absolute favorite running gag to come out of the nhl is that whenever carter vaughn is at the same event as shane hollander he will take a photograph with him and some equally famous third person and then poorly crop out the third guy bc who cares who else is in the photo it’s Shane fucking Hollander 

[Image 1: A screenshot of an Instagram post, reading: 

[Image: Carter Vaughn sits next to Shane Hollander at a circular table covered in a black table cloth. Behind them is the ceremony for the 2012 NHL Awards. Both of them are wearing black tuxedos.

Hayden Pike sits on the other side of Hollander, also in a black tux. The photograph is cropped so that most of Pike’s body is out of the frame. Only part of Pike’s hand and profile are visible.]

carter vaughn • 20 June 2012

oh my god i just hung out with shane hollander

cartervaughn to everyone asking: YES I cried a little, YES he was cool about it, and he smells like maple]

[Image 2: A screenshot of an Instagram post, reading: 

[Image: A selfie of Carter Vaughn sitting next to Shane Hollander in the stands at the 2014 Sochi Olympics. Vaughn is wearing Team USA’s uniform jacket. Hollander is wearing Team Canada’s uniform fleece. Both men are smiling. 

Scott Hunter leans in from Vaughn’s other side. The photo has been cropped to cut off everything but Hunter’s shoulder, his hairline, and part of his cheekbone.]

carter vaughn • 13 Feb 2014

Met an Olympian. Do you think he’ll give me his autograph?

abwilson i think scott wants to be in the photo too carter 

    cartervaughn this ain’t about him]

[Image 3: A screenshot of an Instagram post, reading: 

[Image: Carter Vaughn stands next to Shane Hollander, one arm slung around his shoulders. Vaughn is wearing a dark blue sweater bearing the words “Team USA” and a set of Olympic rings. Hollander wears a sleek white half-zip with a dark red maple leaf embroidered on its breast. 

Next to Vaughn stands the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, wearing a tailored navy suit. The photo has been cropped to cut off the President’s left side. They are all standing in the East Room of the White House.]

carter vaughn • 3 April 2014

silver & gold 

CWagner VAUGHNY YOURE KILLING US 

whitehouse Love the photo, Carter.]

[Image 4: A screenshot of an Instagram post, reading: 

[Image: Shane Hollander sits at a bar in a white blazer, holding a beer. Carter Vaughn stands next to him, arm slung over Hollander’s shoulders, leaning so he’s draped over Hollander’s side. Both men are grinning. 

On Vaughn’s other side sits Ilya Rozanov in a bright red Hawaiian shirt. His head is turned to eye the arm draped over Hollander’s shoulders. The photo is cropped to cut off everything but Rozanov’s right arm and a portion of his face.]

carter vaughn • 27 Jan 2017

couple of beach bros]

11:13 A.M. | 09 Feb 2017 | 252.8k retweets | 503.6k likes

puck @midsommardampnight

I cannot believe they got Ilya Rozanov to agree to that

4:43 P.M. | 09 Feb 2017 | 98 retweets | 176 likes

puck @midsommardampnight

Oh my god wait the president  

4:44 P.M. | 09 Feb 2017 | 1.3k retweets | 3.8k likes

blueline me @yesterdaysthoughts5

incredibly important addition is that every single time someone asks Shane Hollander who his favorite athlete is he answers “Carter Vaughn.” each other’s number 1 fans since 2012 I could cry

9:18 A.M. | 10 Feb 2017 | 11 retweets | 198 likes

Stacy @stacywildin8

“equally famous third perso—” BARACK OBAMA??

2:41 A.M. | 11 Feb 2017 | 2.1k retweets | 4.8k likes

bog witch autumn @salemmity

God I love it when high-achieving poc in white-dominated professions love and support each other

10:02 A.M. | 11 Feb 2017 | 101 retweets | 599 likes

bog witch autumn @salemmity

Okay so I’ll go fuck myself I guess  

6:23 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 16 retweets | 88 likes

bones bones bones @bonesx3

Most well-protected positions in the NHL: 

2 - Goalie 

1 - Gay Captain 

11:32 A.M. | 19 Dec 2017 | 1.3k retweets | 7.5k likes

melatonin potion @stacya76654

i think pretty much every single closeted NHL player would disagree with you there 

2:13 P.M. | 19 Dec 2017 | 12 retweets | 101 likes

bones bones bones @bonesx3

bitch I said CAPTAIN. we only have one of those and he is his team’s princess. you do not EVER catch the New York admirals sleeping

2:37 P.M. | 19 Dec 2017 | 107 retweets | 333 likes

bones bones bones @bonesx3

it’s fine guys I got it already

[Gif: A seated man puts on a clown mask. He stares morosely into the camera.]

6:25 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.1k retweets | 3.3k likes

Bradley @bmoney78

If you or a loved one is the victim of a man on the street interview tonight, remember your four Ds:

DON’T Make Eye Contact

DON’T Show Fear 

DO Eat The Microphone

DICK Punch

Stay safe out there New Yorkers 

6:28 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2.9k retweets | 6.8k likes

bodega cat giorgio @tiffanythompson111

are you really an ally if you can’t handle a FEW dick sucking allegations 

6:31 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 36 retweets | 207 likes

Gina @g_o_keefe

great job, guys. u assholes accused Carter Vaughn of sucking Scott Hunter’s dick so many times that he’s not even a fucking ally anymore 

4:07 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 65 likes

 

Rosie Posie Pudding, Pie @domroselandry

what the fuck do you people even think the word boycott means

6:37 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 102 retweets | 1.1k likes

ilya rozanovs curls @tammyyy900

[Image: A picture of the official NHL merch store at Madison Square Gardens. The image focuses on a rainbow-colored Scott Hunter jersey.] 

guys I’m at msg rn (yes I’m at the game but it’s for boycott reasons!!) and I cannot BELIEVE they are still selling these. unbelievably poor taste

6:11 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1.2k retweets | 12.3k likes

Scott Please I Also Make Smoothies @tatek15

I’m sorry but how am I (gay) supposed to wake up every day and go to my job (smoothie engineer) knowing that some asshole from fucking straw+berry (Kip Grady) is out there living my dream (getting fucked raw by Scott Hunter)

6:41 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 309 retweets | 7.4k likes

jellyfish the musical @kennedyw18

@kippitydooda I WANT YOUR LIFE

6:43 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 150 retweets | 1.9k likes

resident frog @poerth78

So now that we’ve finally got a gay NHL player I’ve got some bad statistics and some good statistics and for 1 like you can have both of them

11:19 A.M. | 29 Dec 2017 | 3 retweets | 14 likes

resident frog @poerth78

shoutout to the one like from… my mom. Sharon, you’ve always been a real one. Thanks for giving me life and shit. 

Okay I’ve been enabled brace yourself for the stats

2:13 P.M. | 29 Dec 2017 | 107 retweets | 333 likes

resident frog @poerth78

THE BAD STATS:

Since Scott Hunter came out, penalty minutes for conduct committed against him by other players have increased more than 350%.

THE GOOD STATS:

In that same time frame, penalty minutes for the New York Admirals as a team have increased more than 500% because the second anyone goes after babygirl the rest of the team unlocks new professions as WWE wrestlers 

2:15 P.M. | 29 Dec 2017 | 13.2k retweets | 49.7k likes

resident frog @poerth78

NOT STATS BUT THE BEST PART: 

The pictures are hilarious. 

[Image 1: Scott Hunter stands on the rink at Madison Square Garden with his back to the camera, gloves tossed on the ground before him, squaring off with a player from the Calgary Sparks. The player from the Sparks’ has his fist drawn back to punch Hunter. 

Will Kennedy is captured mid-leap, feet off the ground, both arms wrapped around the Sparks’ player’s side. The Sparks’ player has started to buckle under their combined weight.]

[Image 2: Scott Hunter struggles against a player for the Las Vegas Silver Paladins, gloves tossed down on the ice before him, one hand frozen mid-punch. In the background of the shot, Carter Vaughn charges heroically towards them. He is captured in the process of flinging down his stick.]

[Image 3: Scott Hunter stands by the goalpost on the rink at Capital One Arena. He clutches his stick with both hands, looking exasperated. 

In the net, the goalie for the Washington Monuments tussles with Eric Bennett, who has his hand smashed against the other man’s jawline. Bennett’s glove hangs in the air behind him, as if it had been thrown shortly before the photo was taken.]

2:17 P.M. | 29 Dec 2017 | 19.2k retweets | 63.1k likes

resident frog @poerth78

@Carter_Vaughn @ThatWillKennedy WHERE DID THIS ENERGY GO

6:48 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2 retweets |27 likes

mambo the fifth @mamboed5

I can’t believe I’m watching my first ever game of hockey just to see if no hockey happens

6:52 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1 retweet | 14 likes

Rose Landry’s Collarbones @rllove24

@mamboed5 you could not POSSIBLY be doing worse at this 

6:53 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 4 retweets | 39 likes

mambo the fifth @mamboed5

@rllove24 oh like you’re not watching to see what happens too? cmon

6:53 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 0 retweets | 7 likes

Rose Landry’s Collarbones @rllove24

@mamboed5 bitch I am WATCHING the shirtless seance and magic show 

6:55 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 5 retweets | 95 likes

its catie @catiecutiecat

I’ve seen the same angry metros fan get interviewed by at least four different news stations. who is he. is he okay. how does he keep convincing reporters to hand him microphones. 

6:51 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 4 retweets | 55 likes

Yes I’m That Kip Grady @kippitydooda

When Scott and I started dating, the first thing he told me was that it wasn’t safe for him to come out until after he retired. 

We both struggled with what that meant for our relationship. It was a lot of secrets. A lot of hiding. Years of not even getting to be outside with each other.  We loved each other. But we were scared that loving each other where other people could see meant Scott couldn’t safely play the sport he’d loved all his life. 

6:50 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 25.2k retweets | 501.3k likes

Yes I’m That Kip Grady @kippitydooda

The outpouring of love and support that we’ve received in the last year has been beyond our wildest dreams. You have embraced and uplifted us, and it is your support that has allowed Scott to play safely. 

But Scott is not the only one who deserves to love openly and play safely. Hockey is for everyone. And we need you to help us fight to make that true. 

6:51 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 30.3k retweets | 511.9k likes

Yes I’m That Kip Grady @kippitydooda

Please join me and Scott tonight in fighting for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. They are two talented, dedicated, and upstanding players who deserve to be safe on the ice. Help us make it safe for them. Do not watch any games. Boycott the NHL and its sponsors until Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are reinstated and protections for queer players are put in place.  

No one should ever have to pick between their safety and their love. But many queer athletes do, and they will keep having to, until we make it safe for them to play. With your help, change starts tonight. 

6:53 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 49.7k retweets | 655.1k likes

John @account3765

you are the worst thing to ever happen to hockey

6:54 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 45 retweets | 354 likes

Rachel @rach_lewis32

I do everything Princess Y/N says bc then maybe one day my hockey player will come 

6:55 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 5 retweets | 109 likes

five minutes for slashing @hockeyblg3214

@kippitydooda for the first time in six months I can watch an admirals game without having to see you or your cocksucking boyfriend. Can’t wait to watch this game. 

6:55 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 29 retweets | 305 likes

Hank Tate @hankt665

go ruin another sport 

6:56 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 2 retweets | 44 likes

Jon Garth @Jon_G

I never thought I’d get to see a gay athlete openly love another man in my lifetime until this last year. Don’t listen to the hate. You and Scott gave hope to a world of people, and we are at your backs now. We have you. And now we have Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. 

6:57 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 17 retweets | 222 likes

Amira @amirayassin

We love you Kip!!! We love Shane and Ilya!!! We’re all fighting for you!!!

6:59 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 1 retweet | 13 likes

Kip Grady's Hole @theeblackhockeyhole

@kippitydooda post hole

6:59 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 3 retweets | 29 likes

the puck drop @puckest_457

finally getting you fairies out of hockey is the first right decision the NHL’s made in a year 

7:00 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 7 retweets | 89 likes

Hollanov Defense Squad @hollanov5ever

[Image: An emoticon, frozen mid-salute.] This doesn’t end until we get Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov back on the ice where they belong. 

7:00 P.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 249 likes

…

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to a man in a dark green apron with his arms folded over his chest. He stands in a brightly lit smoothie shop. 

Over the video, a woman’s voice says, “I feel like you’re just here for the zip line.”

The man’s mouth moves in sync with the voice over. But on the screen, white words appear reading, “I feel like you’re just here so you can date a hot NHL captain.”

The image cuts to two women and a man standing together, all in green aprons. The two women are wearing heavy makeup and glamorous outfits beneath their apron. The man has cut off the sleeves of his shirt to showcase his biceps, which he is flexing.   

The trio exchange cagey looks. In the audio, a man’s voice says, “What?” 

The image cuts back to the first man. The woman from the voice over says, “All you do all day is go on the zip line.”

On the screen, the white words read, “All you do all day is hope a hot NHL captain will come in and fall in love with you.”

Dramatic music plays over the audio as the image cuts back to the trio. They are now standing by a wall of framed photographs. Above the photographs is a sign that reads, “Free Smoothie Club.” 

The photographs captured in the frame are headshots of Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Dallas Kent, and Jake Donahue. There appear to be more photographs cut off by the camera. One of the women is polishing Jake Donahue’s picture with a rag with open dedication. The other woman is drawing a heart around Ilya Rozanov’s face in bright red lipstick. The man is staring dreamily at the picture of Shane Hollander. The reel ends.] 

oh my berries • 11 Aug 2017

When will it be our turn to be Kip Grady?

jordandoesitbest there is a non-zero chance of a hot athletic multimillionaire walking into your minimum wage job and falling so immediately and passionately in love with you that he changes the course of history and that is all the chance I need to dream. come and get me boys. my heart and my legs are open 

trina876 @ilyarozanov81 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 

cynthiabrax dear god, please send me the one from the slutty Calvin Klein ad. amen. 

itsgrace6 @cynthiabrax bitch do you mean Shane Hollander 

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to a residential dining room. A man and a woman sit side-by-side at the table, furiously writing letters. 

The woman finishes her letter and folds it neatly in half. She hands the letter to a young girl sitting next to them, who diligently places it in an envelope and licks it to seal.

The woman starts writing another letter as the girl stamps and addresses the envelope. Then, she adds the letter to a stack of other letters. The stack is substantial in size. There are five other towering stacks of letters arranged on the table in neat piles. 

The camera slowly pans up to focus on the wall above the kitchen table. There is a line of three framed photographs. One is of the girl sitting at the table. The second is of a teenage boy. The third is a headshot of Shane Hollander.]

tyler xu • 14 Jan 2018 

The NHL is about to be hit by the most dedicated hate mail campaign in human history, courtesy of my parents, who love Shane Hollander so much that for the past eight years they’ve had a photo of him hung on the wall as if he was also one of their children.

tylerxnyc Everyone will be hearing from them.

[Video: An Instagram reel opens to the darkened exterior of Bell Centre. The background is choked with a churning crowd of people. In the forefront of the shot stands a woman in a beanie hat that bears the logo of the Montreal Metros. She is holding a tiny pink microphone between three fingers. Next to her stands a middle-aged man in a Metros sweatshirt. He appears agitated.

“What’s your take on the Shane Hollander situation?” the interviewer asks, into the microphone. 

At the bottom of the screen, two sets of captions appear. One tracks her words in English. The other tracks her words in French. 

The man nods harriedly, mopping a hand across the back of his neck. “I, I gotta be honest with you, I’m struggling with it. I mean”—he glances away, jaw ticking—“of course I want Shane Hollander back. He’s the guy, you know?”

The woman nods, as if she does know.

“But it’s this, this Rozanov thing I can’t wrap my head around,” the man continues. He grows more agitated, dragging a hand across his mouth. “Like, I’ve been coming here for almost every Boston game since Hollander got drafted. I’d even fly to Boston for away games so our guys would have someone cheering them on. And, you know, in those moments, me and the team, it’s like we all want the same thing, you know? Like we’re in it together.” 

The woman again nods. 

The man shakes his head gravely. “That’s why I can’t—I mean, Rozanov.  I just, I can’t fucking believe that Hollander was out there every game, just, just being with him when we were supposed to all be against him. I’m not gonna lie, I, I feel pretty fucking betrayed right now.” 

The woman draws back her microphone. Before she can speak, someone shouts at them from off camera. 

“Hold on a second!” The camera swivels sharply to the right. It focuses on a man in a Montreal Metros jersey who is trying to carefully maneuver himself over a bright orange police barricade. He straddles it, one leg hanging over each side. As the camera lingers on him, he tries to haul his far leg over to the other side. “Just one—augh, fuck—”

The man’s foot catches on the top of the barricade and almost makes him overbalance. At the last second, he recovers and straightens. He quickly joins the first two people. He is out of breath. 

“I couldn’t help but overhear,” he tells the first man. “And I just wanted to clarify something—our guy did not betray us, if anything he was betrayed by us. He was betrayed one; he did not do any betraying." He nods firmly. "Just wanted to make sure that was clear.”

The first man appears affronted. “He’s fucking Rozanov. He went out there, every game, fucking, fucking compromised—”

The second man talks over him. 

“Would our guy do that?” he demands. “C’mon. Don’t think about what they’re telling you in the news. Think about his games for yourself. Our guy always went all out for us. You know that.” 

“He’s trying to leave us for fucking Ottawa.” The man says it with disgust. “Just ‘cause Rozanov told him to. If he’ll leave us because that guy says so, what else will he—”

“See, it’s interesting you say that,” the second man says, over him. “You read that in the news, didn’t you? You didn’t read that in his texts.” The first man opens his mouth, but the second man doesn’t let him speak. “I know you didn’t read that in his texts because if you did you’d know that it’s not true.”

“He put in a trade request! Rozanov told him to and suddenly he’s gonna up and leave us—”

“I thought the same thing!” The second man raises a pacifying hand. “Hey, I thought the same thing. See, I’m meeting you where you are. I woke up yesterday, I saw what the news was saying about our guy leaving us, and I got real upset. But then I talked to the lady at my coffee shop, and she helped me realize that it wasn’t like that at all.” He pivots suddenly to point at the camera. “Maureen? Maureen, you’re a real g. I want you to know that.” 

He pivots back to face the man. “The news, the idiots online, they were all acting like Rozanov just snapped his fingers and our guy succumbed to his”—he gestures vaguely towards his own hips—“but I checked myself, I checked myself, and it wasn’t like that at all. Our guy fought to stay with us for months. For months. His parents, his friends, Rozanov—they were all begging him to try to leave us and he wouldn’t do it. Our guy was loyal to us. Only reason why he finally gave in was because he got hurt. His whole side was fucking purple. And they tried to put him back out like that.” The man visibly angers. “They, They tried to put him back out so he could get hurt even worse. Shane fucking Hollander!” 

The first man’s mouth flattens. “I didn’t see anything about a purple side—”

“Because they’re lying to you!” The second man claps him on both shoulders. “Our guy, he fought to stay with us. He fought the whole time. But they—and it wasn’t just Rozanov, it was his parents too—they begged him to try for a trade because they were scared he was gonna die on our ice. On our ice!”

The thought appears to offend the first man. “We wouldn’t have let that happen!” 

“We almost did!” The second man beats his fist against his chest, as if in lamentation. “We should’ve—the first time, the first time that fucker left Shane fucking Hollander out on the ice, we should’ve burnt his house to the fucking ground. We didn’t, and that’s on us. And that’s, that’s why what we do tonight is so important. We gotta show our guy and his parents and, and even Rozanov”—the first man opens his mouth, disgruntled—“yeah, Rozanov too—we, we gotta show them that we can bring our guy home, and we can keep him safe when he’s here. And I’m not talking about just words.” He points at the ground, steadfast. “I’m talking about some real guillotine type shit.” 

The first man grows defensive. “If, if you think I wouldn’t pull some guillotine shit for Shane Hollander—”

“Hey hey hey hey hey.” The second man clasps a hand at the back of the first man’s neck and stares sincerely into his eyes. “I know you would. Any true Metros fan would. And that’s you, isn’t it?”

He releases his grip, and the first man nods, though still uncertain. 

“It’s just…” He shakes his head. “Rozanov, man. Hollander, he could’ve had anyone else.” 

“Hey. Hey. I said the same thing. See?” The second man shifts his hands back and forth in the space between them, as if to indicate a connecting force. “I’ve been where you are. But the lady at my coffee shop, she put it in a real clear way for me. She said that hockey was Shane Hollander’s job and trying to use it to force decisions about the rest of his life just meant that he’d go play hockey for someone else.” He turns to the interviewer. “Way of example. Ma’am: Imagine I said to you, ‘Hey, before I let you point that tiny microphone at me, you gotta let me decide who you get to be inside of.’ Now, if I did that, you would feel that I had overstepped the boundaries of our relationship.” 

A journey passes across the interviewer’s face. She pulls her tiny microphone back slightly. The first man blinks, several times. 

The camera cuts. The second man and the interviewer stand together alone. 

“That other guy got angry and left,” announces the man. “But you know, I feel like we connected there for a bit.” He brings two fingers together until they touch at their tip. “That guy’s got something to think about now. I got hope.” 

The interviewer pulls back her microphone. “So if I asked you your opinion on Shane Hollander, I imagine—”

“Strongly in favor.” The man nods solidly. “Strongly. You may quote me on that.”

The interviewer nods. Her eyes are slightly wide. “Do you… have anything you’d like to say about it?” 

“Yeah, I got a lot to say about it, actually.” The man rubs his hands together, mops one across his jaw, and then reaches for her microphone. Before taking it, he hesitates. “May I? I feel weird just taking it from you on account of it being so tiny.”

The interviewer hesitates, then shakes her head, taking a step back. “N—no.”

The man considers her for a moment, then shrugs. “I respect it.” He steps more fully into the center of the frame. “Alright, everyone listen up: I’ve seen a lotta people online runnin’ their mouths about our guy, and the stuff they’re saying ain’t true. It ain’t true at all. It’s, it’s the news—they’re lying to you, and folks they’re reacting to the lies about our guy, not the truth about our guy. We gotta change that. We gotta check ourselves. Because I checked, I checked for myself, and none of the stuff they were saying was true. None of it.” 

The interviewer pulls back her microphone. “What do you mean by that?” 

“Yeah, well”—the man leans over until his head hangs directly over the microphone—“take this Ottawa thing. I woke up yesterday, and the news was acting like our guy, like he just tried to drop us like we were nothing to him. Like Rozanov, like he just said to drop us and”—he claps his hands together sharply—“bam, he did it. But it wasn’t like that. Rozanov isn’t stealing our guy from us.” 

He points an accusatory hand behind him, back towards Bell Centre. “It was these fuckers. They were driving him away. And then they blamed him for it. Him!” The man looks aghast. “And let me tell you, I want them gone for it. I want all of those fuckers out of here. I don’t want people lookin’ at them and the shit they do and thinking they’re anything like us.” He speaks directly to the camera. “Please don’t think we’re anything like them. This is a very gay city.” 

“It’s an enormously gay city,” agrees the interviewer, also to the camera. “We have the largest gay village on the planet.” 

“You’re fucking tripping over them here!” explodes the man. He seems to reconsider his words. “Don’t think I mean that in a bad way. I’ve dabbled myself.” 

The interviewer nods in understanding.

“And that’s the thing too,” continues the man. “We got a lot of nice gay people in this city and I don’t want these fucks anywhere near ‘em. Lotta good, decent, hockey-loving people in this city. I got a beautiful daughter in this city; she’s top of her class at McGill. And one day she’s gonna save the whales. All of them.” He grows agitated. “And let me tell you, I don’t want these asswipes within a hundred miles of her. Because if you can do what they did to, to a gem like Shane Hollander—” 

He cuts himself off, overcome with emotion. “I’m sorry,” says the man, choked. “It’s just, I, I remember when we drafted him—”

He clasps a hand over his mouth, unable to continue. The interviewer pats his elbow soothingly.

“I’m sorry,” the man says again. “I, when I saw the news, I didn’t take it too well. Some of the things I said online—I hope Shane Hollander didn’t see them. The lady at my coffee shop, she helped me realize that I was just, I was scared ‘cause I thought Rozanov was taking our guy from us, and I didn’t want to lose him. But because of that I acted like one of the guys driving him away. I wasn’t the best version of me I could be, you know? So that’s why I’m here tonight, just, just trying to be a better Doug.”

The man nods resolutely. 

The interviewer nods with him. She appears moved. “That was really beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Again, he speaks directly to the camera. “All the Metros fans watching this, I want you to know: Our guy, he fought to stay with us. He was loyal. He didn’t want to leave us. These fuckers, they tried to force him out. Well I say we force them out. They don’t get to do what they did and keep this team. It ain’t their team to begin with. It’s Montreal’s. And if I know one thing, it’s that Montreal loves Shane Hollander. And we gotta prove that, right now, by fighting for him. I came out here to fight for him, my buddy--shoutout to my buddy Mitch, he ain’t here right now ‘cause we split up to cover more ground but he, he’s out here tonight fighting for our guy. And you know what? I wanna say something about Rozanov.” Doug steels himself. “Rozanov, I had my doubts about him too, but I’m gonna say one thing about him: He always took what was happening to our guy seriously. He fought for our guy. Lot harder than I've seen some of us fight for our guy. I read those texts. He, he was out here, and he was chartering planes, and, and planning murders, because he understands that Shane Hollander”—his voice catches—“well, Shane Hollander is the kind of guy you kill for.”

Doug takes a moment to collect himself. The interviewer rubs his shoulder in consolation.

“I’m sorry,” says Doug, his voice thick with emotion. “It’s just”—he shakes his head with gravitas—“he is so fucking good at hockey.” 

The interviewer nods with absolute understanding.

“Thank you for your time tonight,” says Doug, to the interviewer. “I just, I love this city, I love this team, and I love, fuck, I love Shane Hollander. Thank you.” The video ends.]

victorine gauthier • 15 Jan 2018

I met someone with strong opinions about Shane Hollander…

J'ai rencontré quelqu'un qui avait des opinions tranchées sur Shane Hollander…

carolineb24_24 oh my god is that my fucking dad

carolineb24_24 please stop dming me to tell me you want to fuck my dad

westministerdawgs @carolineb24_24 why don't you worry about saving the whales and we’ll worry about fucking your dad

…

[Broadcast: The rink at Bell Center is captured from above as players from the Montreal Metros and Seattle Hydras take to the ice. At the edge of the frame, the camera catches a glimpse of the stands. There are smatterings of fans occupying the seats with large gaps of emptiness. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Hello Montreal. I’m Bill Wainwright.”

ANNOUNCER 2: “And I’m Louis d’Aboville.” 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Bringing you coverage for the Montreal Metros facing off against the Seattle Hydras.” 

ANNOUNCER 2, quieter: “Little bit thin in the stands tonight.”

Wainwright coughs awkwardly. 

The camera lingers on J.J. Dagenais as he takes his place on the ice. 

Dagenais skates slowly. He appears visibly troubled. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Of course, we’re welcoming back J.J. Dagenais from injury reserve tonight. Dagenais will be filling in as the Metros captain tonight while longtime captain Shane Hollander is”—a beat of hesitation—“otherwise indisposed.”

ANNOUNCER 2: “You know Bill, I did not think we’d be seeing Dagenais back so soon after his injury earlier this season.”

ANNOUNCER 1: “I didn’t either. Glad to see he’s recovered quicker than originally expected. Always a good player to have on the ice, Dagenais.” 

On the ice, a ref skates towards the center face-off dot. The camera settles on the two players facing off. The Metros player stares straight at the ground, statuesque.

ANNOUNCER 1: “Looks like we’ve got Gabriel Bellecourt handling the first face off of the night. Bellecourt’s a promising young rookie with the Metros, who’s had an… interesting first season. Excited to see what he has in store for us tonight.” 

The puck drops. 

ANNOUNCER 1: “Seattle wins the face-off.”

On the ice, Bellecourt and Gilbert Comeau take off after the puck. 

Dagenais doesn’t move. He remains in position, staring intently at the ground. His face is unreadable.

After several seconds, he shakes his head and skates slowly after the puck.]

Chapter End Notes

do you ever have a day so long it feels like it takes six goddamn months. finally done with the 15th after next chapter.

also

THE FRENCH TRANSLATIONS AND THEIR ENGLISH COROLLARIES FROM LAST CHAPTER HAVE BEEN UPDATED THANKS TO THE FABULOUS QUILLQUIVER. PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT

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