Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike, JJ Boiziau, Gilbert Comeau, Patrice Drapeau

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Shane Hollander Needs a Hug, Hurt Shane Hollander, Insecure Shane Hollander, Internalized Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Soft Ilya Rozanov, Getting Together, Feelings, Love Confessions, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Coming Out, Happy Ending, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Being Assholes (Game Changers), Blow Jobs

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-08 Completed: 2026-03-10 Words: 9,268 Chapters: 6/6

Only You Get to See Me Like This

Summary

“Cap needs to get laid more,” Drapeau muttered.

“Cap needs to get laid, period,” Comeau added.

“Dude, I bet he’s still a virgin.” Drapeau said with a snort. “You think he’s ever even seen a woman naked?”

A couple of players standing around them chuckled.

Shane felt his jaw tighten. He wanted to respond. Tell them off. Stand up for himself. But he couldn’t. Because there was some truth to what they were saying.

He did need to get laid more.

 
-----
 

Or, Shane Hollander hasn’t seen Ilya Rozanov in three months. Which means he hasn’t gotten laid in three months.

Notes

My first ever fanfic!

Feel free to leave your feedback in the comments (please don't be too harsh, I cry easily)

Also, English is my first language, but if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, just know it's because I have no respect for this language.

Enjoy :)

Chapter 1

The guest locker room in TD Garden was particularly quiet. After what could only be described as a bloodbath between the Boston Bears and the Montreal Voyageurs that ended in a one-point loss, the Voyageurs were exhausted, bruised, and in absolutely no mood to talk. However, the silence did not last long.

“Alright, boys,” JJ said, commanding the room. “Tonight we going out and getting shitfaced. Drown our sorrows or whatever the fuck the saying is. Capitaine, that means you too!”

Shane normally would have declined the invitation. Bars weren’t really his scene. But tonight he wanted to decline for another reason. He was going to meet up with Rozanov. They’d been texting, or rather sexting, or the past two weeks in anticipation of this night. It had been three months since the last time they were together, which to Shane also meant it had been three months since the last time he’d had sex. Nothing was going to stop him from seeing Rozanov tonight.

“Not tonight. I need to go over the game footage, see what went wrong. But have fun guys,” Shane said, offering an excuse. It wasn’t entirely unbelievable. Normally, after a loss like this, that’s exactly what he would have done, if he wasn’t in Boston.

“Shane, seriously? You deserve a night off.” Hayden said.

“Oh come on, Hollander, you can’t be serious.”

“Come on, Cap. You can let loose for one night.”

“This is just sad.”

Several of the guys spoke at once, their voices overlapping. Shane started to tune them out, until a hushed conversation nearby caught his attention.

“Cap needs to get laid more,” Drapeau muttered.

“Cap needs to get laid, period,” Comeau added.

“Dude, I bet he’s still a virgin.” Drapeau said with a snort. “You think he’s ever even seen a woman naked?”

A couple of players standing around them chuckled.

Shane felt his jaw tighten. He wanted to respond. Tell them off. Stand up for himself. But he couldn’t. Because there was some truth to what they were saying. He did need to get laid more.

Shane had always known he was not like the average man. He did not like to talk about his sexual experiences. He was not comfortable with making sex jokes. And he did not seem enjoy sex with women they way other men did. It almost felt like his mind and body were out of sync. In fact, before Rozanov, he thought he was just the type of person who did not enjoy sex.

After hooking up with Rozanov, Shane had started to become more open to the idea that maybe he could also be into men. But finding a man to sleep with was too much of a risk for someone of his fame and stature. Shane did once download Grindr, set up a profile with vague information, and photos he found of some male model online who had a similar build as him but had his face cropped. He eventually matched with a couple of guys, but whenever they suggested meeting up, he would get an intense rush of anxiety and he’d end up unmatching.

Shane was never felt that anxiety with Rozanov. He was never afraid of Rozanov exposing their secret. Maybe it was the mutually assured destruction of it. But also, it was more than that. With him, Shane felt safe. He trusted Rozanov to take care of him. To keep things quiet. To keep things simple. And, of course, it helped that the sex was insanely good. God, did he enjoy getting railed by his arch-rival.

Unfortunately, that also meant he was only getting laid three or four times a year, whenever Montreal and Boston played each other, or at MLH awards.

So in a way, his teammates weren’t entirely wrong.

Keeping his back to them and pretending he hadn’t heard a thing, Shane said “Sorry, guys. Not tonight.” And quickly finished getting dressed.

Chapter 2

Knocking on Rozanov’s door, Shane’s heart was already pulsing with anticipation. He could feel his entire body buzzing. He had been fantasizing about this moment for months. The moment he’d get to be in Rozanov’s arms again, touch his skin, kiss his soft lips, run his hands through those golden curls.

It took Rozanov what felt to Shane like five minutes to open the door, when in reality it was probably only twenty seconds. There he stood. Six-foot-three, toned, golden curls slightly messy, wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants and a smirk. Shane was mesmerized by the man standing in front of him. ‘Did he somehow get even hotter since the last time I saw him?’ Shane thought. That thought was cut short when Rozanov spoke. “Come in.” The words pulled Shane out of the trance he’d fallen into.

“Congratulations,” Shane said as he stepped inside.

“Thank you,” Ilya replied, closing the door behind him.

“The game tonight was—” Shane was cut off when Rozanov suddenly shoved him back against the door he had just closed and captured his mouth in a kiss. It was messy, soft, rough, hot, everything Shane had been thinking about since the last time they kissed. Ilya pressed closer to him, their chests and thighs touching. He wanted to feel every inch of Hollander. And he definitely did. He felt Hollander’s bulge against his thigh.

Ilya pulled away from the kiss just enough to grin. “Hard already? I barely touched you.”

“Fuck off,” Shane muttered, unable to think of anything better to say. He was a little embarrassed that it took almost no effort at all for Rozanov to get him like this. But before his mind could spiral, Rozanov’s lips were on his again.

Ilya slid his knee between Hollander’s thighs, pressing closer, feeling Hollander’s fully hard cock. Almost instinctively, Shane began to grind against Rozanov’s thigh, chasing the friction.

He knew he didn’t want to finish like this. He wanted Rozanov to fuck him, to take his time with him, to make him forget about the Voyageurs’ loss and his teammates’ comments about his nonexistent sex life. But a few seconds wouldn’t hurt.

At least, that’s what he thought.

Shane seemed to have forgotten just how long it had been since the last time he’d gotten laid. Because after maybe two minutes of this, Rozanov’s thigh between his legs, his hands gripping Shane’s hips, murmuring things in Russian that Shane couldn’t understand, it all became too much. Suddenly Shane found himself on the brink of an orgasm.

“Shit Rozanov, I’m gonna cum, I can’t make it stop, fu -“ He tried to push Rozanov away, but it was already too late.

Shane came, untouched, fully clothed, and absolutely mortified.

As the haze of the orgasm faded, embarrassment hit him like a truck. Shane felt a level of embarrassment he did not think was humanly possible. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Rozanov’s shoulder so he wouldn’t have to look at him.

“Sorry. Sorry. Fuck—sorry. I… I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t expect to— It’s just that it’s been—” Shane trailed off, not even sure what excuse he was trying to make.

Even without looking up, he could feel Rozanov’s eyes on him. For a moment there was silence. Shane hoped Rozanov would be gracious enough to not make him feel more embarrassed than he already was. Then Rozanov’s shoulder started shaking beneath Shane’s forehead. He was laughing. Full-body, uncontrollable laughter.

“What the fuck was that, Hollander?” Ilya managed between laughs.

Shane groaned.

“Could not even wait for me to get my dick inside you? Not even my mouth on you? All you needed was my thigh? Are you that needy, Hollander?” Ilya tried to sound smug, which to Hollander, he probably did. But Ilya had always loved how easily he could Hollander over the edge. He loved hearing him whimper as he as overcome with pleasure. Pleasure that Ilya had given him. It was the most precious sound in the world, and Ilya would do anything to hear it.

“Sorry, it’s.. It’s just been a while for me, I thought I would be able to last. I’m s.. sorry. I’m sorry.” Shane swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

Ilya had always enjoyed teasing Hollander. But this time something felt different. For the first time, Shane didn’t sound embarrassed. He sounded ashamed. The realization made something tighten in Ilya’s chest. He never wanted Hollander to feel shame. Not here. Not like this. Not with him.

Ilya placed his hands on Shane’s cheeks and gently lifted him away from his shoulder. Then he tilted Shane’s chin up so their eyes could meet. But Shane had his eyes shut. Up close, Ilya noticed the freckles scattered across Shane’s face, darker than usual beneath the deep blush on his cheeks.

“Hey,” Ilya said softly. “Hey. Hollander, look at me.”

Shane tried to ignore the command, but the part of him that always wanted to do what Rozanov asked took over. His eyes opened almost immediately.

When their gazes met, Ilya noticed the tears gathered in Shane’s eyes, close to spilling, but not quite.

“No sorries, Hollander,” Ilya said quietly. “No sorries, okay? You don’t apologize for enjoying yourself. Not with me.”

Shane nodded faintly.

“Use your words, Hollander.”

“Okay,” Shane whispered. A thought crept into Shane’s mind. ‘God, if my teammates saw me like this…’ They’d probably say he was pathetic.

“Hollander,” Ilya said, snapping him out of it, “why do you still feel embarrassed?”

“I… I don’t know.” Shane hesitated. “I just don’t want to… disappoint you. And I feel like I did.”

Ilya studied his face.

“Do I look disappointed?”

Shane searched his expression for any hint of mockery, but there was none. “I… suppose not.”

“Hollander,” Ilya said gently, “you can never disappoint me.”

Shane nearly choked on his own breath hearing those words.

“And to be honest,” Ilya added, a small grin returning, “you getting off on my leg might be one of the hottest things I have ever seen.”

Shane’s blush deepened instantly, only this time not from shame. Ilya knew that look well. It was a blush that Ilya only managed to get out of Shane only when they fucked.

“Now,” Ilya said softly, brushing the back of his index finger across Shane’s freckles, “tell me what you want.”

Shane didn’t hesitate.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Chapter 3

Chapter Notes

Guys I don’t know how to write smut, I only know how to read it.

“Get on the bed. On your back.”

Shane obeyed eagerly. He stripped off his clothes and climbed onto the bed, lying on his back and propping himself up on his elbows. His eyes followed Ilya, who had stripped down to his boxers and was now at the bedside table grabbing lube and a condom.

A moment later Ilya joined him, kissing his way up Shane’s body until he was leaned over him and capturing his lips in a slow kiss. Then he rolled onto his side beside him, propping himself up on one elbow so he had a clear view of Shane’s face.
Tonight, he just wanted to look at him.

“Open your legs for me, moy lyubimyy.” Shane didn’t understand the Russian words, but he obeyed anyway.

Ilya dragged Shane’s leg which was closest to him over his own legs for an easier access. Then grabbed the lube and coated his fingers, and then made his way to Shane’s hole. Ilya did not need to look to find it. He knew that man’s body better than his own. Ilya stroked his fingers against Shane's hole, watching Shane’s facial expressions and he presses a finger inside. His movements slowed, careful and attentive as always. Shane’s breathing hitched under his touch. Ilya knew Shane’s body well, better than anyone else.

As he watched Shane’s face, he noticed something that made him pause. Shane was already hard again.

“You are hard again, Hollander?” he teased. “How is that even humanly possible?”

Shane let out a breath that was half a laugh.

“Hollander,” Ilya continued, his voice quieter now, “when was the last time you were with someone else?”

“Um.. I don’t know, probably three months ago.” Shane says truthfully, too blissed out with what Ilya was doing between his legs to care if he sounded pathetic.

Ilya froze for a second. Three months ago. The last time they’d been together. Did that mean—

“Hollander, you can not be serious,” Ilya said slowly. “You have not been with anyone since we fucked three months ago?” Ilya said as he pressed another finger inside of Shane, finding the prostate easily, watching him squirm.

Shane shifted slightly on the bed, clearly distracted by everything Ilya was doing. “No, I… Fuck… Rozanov, please-“ Shane wasn’t even sure what he was begging for.

Ilya felt something strange tighten in his chest. A part of him liked the thought more than he probably should have. He liked the idea that no one else had seen Shane like this. That no one else heard the sounds Shane made when he was close, or that he was the only one Shane Hollander would give up control for.

For a brief moment, Ilya allowed himself a dangerous thought. What would it be like if this wasn’t just a few nights a year? What would it be like to wake up next to Shane every morning? To come home to him? He wondered if Shane ever thought about that too.

Ilya was still lost in those thoughts when he noticed Shane looking at him. Really looking at him. Ilya wondered if it showed on his face, just how completely gone he was for Shane. The realization startled him. So he did what he always did. He joked.

“Hollander, you really need to get laid more.” he said with a grin, even though it physically hurt him to think about Shane, his Shane, with anyone else.

Shane turned his head and looked away from Ilya.

“Stop. Please… stop.”

The whisper was so quiet that Ilya almost missed it. When he looked at Shane properly, he saw the tears forming in his eyes. Ilya immediately pulled his hand away from where it was and sat up.

“Hollander?” he said carefully. “Are you okay?”

“Please,” Shane said again. “Just stop.”

“Okay. Okay. I stopped.” Ilya slid out from where he was sitting on the bed, putting space between them. “I stopped, Hollander. I am not touching you.”

Shane stared up at the ceiling, clearly trying to find the right words.

“I… I…”

But nothing came out.

Suddenly Shane seemed painfully aware of his own body, like he was on display. Exposed.

Ilya noticed the way Shane quickly sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, trying to cover himself. Without a second thought, Ilya jumped off the bed and grabbed a pair of clean boxers from the dresser. He placed them gently beside Shane, then hurried to the closet and grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants. By the time he returned, Shane had already put the boxers on. Curled in on himself again. He quickly pulled on the clothes Ilya handed him and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Hollander,” Ilya said softly, careful not to startle him.

“I…” Shane tried again. “Please don’t say that to me again.”

“What?” Ilya asked gently. “What did I say?”

“You said I need to get laid more.” Shane swallowed. “I can’t hear that from you too.”

“Too?” Ilya frowned. “What do you mean, ‘too’? Who else tells you this?”

A wave of jealousy takes over Ilya. Did he miscalculate? Has Shane actually been seeing someone else? Who was he? Did he know how Shane liked to be fucked? Did he make Shane feel as good as he did? Did he take care of him after they were done fucking?

Shane let out a humorless laugh.

“Everyone.”

He looked down at his hands.

“My teammates. People online. I don’t know, I've heard some guys say it on hockey podcasts. Even Hayden and JJ, who are supposed to be my best friends, say it to me all the time.” His voice tightened. “They all think the reason I’m so uptight is because I haven’t had a good fuck in a while. Some of the guys in the locker room today were even wondering if I was a virgin,” Shane continued bitterly.

The idea almost made Ilya laugh. Shane Hollander? A virgin? But he caught himself. Instead he felt something else. Anger. Why were Shane’s teammates so comfortable talking about his sex life like that? He knew what hockey locker rooms were like, everyone liked to brag, but if one of the players was not open to discussing their personal life then everyone else respects that. Especially if it's the team's captain. And anyone who spent more than five minutes with Shane Hollander could tell he felt uncomfortable around conversations like that.

“And I’m fine with them saying it,” Shane continued. “I can take it. I can even take it from Hayden and JJ, because they don’t know the truth.”

He looked up at Ilya. “But you? You’re the one person who knows it’s not that simple for me.”

Ilya did know. Shane had been the only man Ilya had been with since moving to North America. He understood the risk. And even though he didn’t want to be with any man other than Shane, he also knew he couldn’t, even if he wanted to.

“You know how risky it is, I can’t just go to a bar and pick up a guy. I can’t use dating apps. If I get caught, my career would be over. My life would be over.”

Shane stood up from where he was leaning on the bed. His voice grew steadier, harder, angrier.

“You think I like this? You think I like having to wait months to get fucked by my arch-rival. You think I like having sex only 4 times a year with a guy who doesn’t even like me? You think this is what I want?”

“Hollander—” Ilya tried to interject, hoping his voice would ground Shane a bit.

“I know it’s easier for you,” Shane continued. “You can be with women whenever you want. You can do that. But I can’t.” He shook his head. “I tried. I really did try. And I hate that I can’t be normal. Or even half normal like you. I hate it.”

A long silence filled the room.

“I hate myself.”

“Shane!” The name came out sharper than Ilya intended.

Maybe it was the tone in which Ilya said his name, or the fact that it was the first time Ilya had said his first name, but hearing Ilya say “Shane” made him blink, like he had just woken up. Realization flashed across his face.

“Oh… um… shit. Sorry. I don’t know where that came from,” Shane said apologetically, a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

“Sorry. Fuck. I didn’t mean to blow up at you. I ruined the night twice now. Sorry. I’m sorry. Please just forget I said anything. You won tonight. You can get your reward now.”

Before Ilya could react, Shane stepped closer and dropped to his knees in front of him. Ilya froze. In all the years of them hooking up, Ilya has never seen Shane so unenthusiastically get on his knees. It sent shivers down his spine. Did Shane think this is what he cared about in this moment. Did Shane really think that low of him?

“I’m sorry." Shane said, as his hands shakily made their way to the waistband of Ilya's boxers. "I can be good now, I can be good for you.”

“Shane, no, please stop.” Ilya quickly grabbed his wrists, gently pulling Shanes hands away from his hips. “Stop. Shane, please get up.” It might have been the first time Ilya had ever begged Shane.

Shane let go of the waistband of Ilya’s boxers but stayed kneeling, head lowered.

“Do you…” Shane whispered, barely audible. “Do you not want me anymore?”

Ilya immediately dropped down to his knees so they were eye level. “Shane,” he said firmly. “Look at me.”

He held Shane by his chin and lifted his head. Slowly, Shane met his eyes.

“I have never not wanted you.”

Chapter 4

Ilya’s words hung between them for a while. Both men were still sitting on their knees, facing each other. Ilya’s hand was still resting on Shane’s chin, keeping his head lifted.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” Shane finally said.

Confused, Ilya asked “What?”

“I know you’re lying to make me feel better. But please don’t. I feel embarrassed enough. I don’t need you pitying me now.”

“Shane, when have I ever lied to you?”

“Seriously?” Shane asked with sharply. “All the fucking time.”

Ilya huffed out a quiet laugh. “Is it really a lie if it’s obvious to you when I’m not telling the truth?”

“What? Rozanov, that doesn’t make any fucking sense,” Shane said, frustration creeping into his voice.

“Shane…” Ilya’s expression softened, “do I look like I’m lying when I say I have never not wanted you?”

Shane scoffed quietly.

“No, you’re right. You never turn down the opportunity to fuck. I don’t know why I read into that like there was something more to it.”

“Well, you are wrong,” Ilya said. “I have turned down many opportunities to fuck other people.” He hesitated before continuing. “Especially in the last few weeks.”

Shane looked up at him, confused. What did Rozanov mean by that?

“You said the last time you were with someone else was three months ago?” Shane nodded slightly at Ilya’s question. He had been hoping Ilya wouldn’t remember that detail.

Ilya continued, “For me, it was two.”

Shane’s mouth fell open slightly, but he didn’t interrupt. He had to know where Ilya was going with this. Surely the only way this could end his sentence was with, “Just kidding.”

“After the last time we were together, I tried very hard to get you out of my head. I thought maybe if I was with someone else, it would stop.” Ilya admitted.

He swallowed.

“But the last time I fucked someone else… all I could think about was you. I kept wishing it was you who was there with me. I could not stay hard without thinking about you. And I knew it wasn’t fair to the girl I was with. So I apologized to her and ended the night early.”

He let out a quiet breath.

“I have not been able to touch anyone else. I have not even been able to look at anyone else. The only person I want to be with is you.”

Shane didn’t say a word. He just looked into Ilya’s eyes, studying his face carefully.

For a moment, Ilya worried he might have said too much. So he tried to give Shane an out. As much as he hated the idea, he had to be unselfish, for Shane.

“But Shane… if what you want is to have someone else, I can help.”

Shane blinked.

“I have a friend,” Ilya continued. “Svetlana. She is, what is the word... discreet? I think that is correct word. She is discreet. She could help. She knows about me, so we can trust her. She would help you find someone who would be safe. Maybe we ask them to sign NDA. We could figure something out… if that is what you want.”

“No.” Shane said it immediately. “That’s not what I want.”

Ilya’s chest tightened.

“It’s not that I can’t be with anyone else,” Shane said quietly. He hesitated before adding, “It’s that I don’t want to.”

The words lingered between them. For a moment neither of them spoke. Then Shane’s lips twitched into a small smile. Ilya felt himself smiling too. And suddenly they were both laughing. Not loudly, just quiet, breathless laughter at the absurdity of it all. At how they were able to admit they wanted each other. At how nothing bad happened when they said how they felt. Why had they both been holding onto these feelings and for how long. Months. Maybe even years.

Unable to resist any longer, Ilya gently pulled Shane closer and pressed the softest kiss to his lips. When they pulled apart, Ilya wrapped his arms around him. It was the first time they had ever hugged.

Throughout all the years of hooking up, touching each other, kissing every inch of each other’s bodies, nothing had ever felt as intimate as simply holding each other like this. Arms wrapped around one another. Feeling each other’s breathing. Each other’s warmth. Each other’s heartbeat. They stayed like that for a while. Their knees were probably starting to ache from the hard floor beneath them, but neither of them noticed. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

After what might have been minutes, or maybe hours, Ilya felt Shane shift very subtly, and only slightly in his arms.

He smiled.

“Yes, yes, I know, Hollander,” Ilya murmured. “Come on. Let’s get up.”

They pulled apart. Shane looked at him, confused. “What? I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to say anything, moy lyubimyy,” Ilya said with a grin. “I know what you want.”

Shane narrowed his eyes slightly.

“Come on,” Ilya continued. “Let’s go take a shower.”

Shane stared at him suspiciously. He had started to feel uncomfortable from the feeling of sweat, lube, and cum clinging to his body, but how had Ilya noticed? How was he so good at reading Shane? Could he read his mind?

Ilya smirked. “Yes Shane,” he said teasingly, “I can read your mind.”

 

———

 

Ilya helped pull them both up from the floor and gently guided Shane toward the shower. He turned on the water, waiting for it to warm. While they waited, he slipped off his boxers and turned back to Shane. Reaching out, he placed his hands at the hem of the t-shirt Shane was wearing.

He paused, looking at Shane, waiting for permission. Shane nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. Ilya lifted the shirt over his head. Then his hands moved to the waistbands of the sweatpants and boxers. He looked at Shane again, checking once more. This time Shane nodded with a wider smile, and Ilya carefully removed the rest of his clothes.

Ilya stood back up, and for a moment, he simply looked at him. Earlier that night Shane had stood in front of him just as naked, but then he had been tense, trying to cover himself. Now he wasn’t. Ilya’s gaze moved slowly over him, taking in every freckle, every scar, every stretch mark that stand out on Shane’s perfectly smooth skin. God, that man was beautiful. Shane stood there without any shame or embarrassment. Instead, he watched Ilya with quiet amusement, clearly aware of the way he was being admired. Ilya practically worshiping his body with just his eyes.

Ilya leaned closer and murmured softly, “God, you are so beautiful.”

Shane immediately blushed at the compliment. Then he looked back at the man standing in front of him. Ilya’s broad shoulders, the ripple of muscle across his chest, the small moles scattered across his skin like constellations.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Rozanov.”

“Not so bad?” Ilya replied with mock offense. “Hollander, you are so mean to me.”

He tilted his head slightly, teasing. “You do not think I am beautiful?”

Shane rolled his eyes, though his smile lingered.

“I do think you are beautiful. I think you’re very beautiful.” He paused, looking him over again. “I also think you’re so fucking hot.”

With that admission, Ilya pulled Shane into the shower, chasing his lips like they held the answer to every question he had.

They stood under the warm running water, their lips barely breaking apart even for a moment.

As their tongues slid together, Ilya pressed his whole body against Shane, savoring every inch of them touching. He cupped Shane’s cheeks, then let his hands roam over Shane’s body. Through his soft hair, down his toned back, over the curve of his ass, wanting to feel every inch of him. Wanting to reassure himself that Shane was real. That he was really here with him.

Ilya squeezed Shane’s ass and pulled him closer. Shane groaned as their bodies pressed together, their dicks were rubbing against each other, beneath the spray of water. Slowly, Ilya guided him forward until Shane’s back hit the cool shower tiles. Shane winced slightly at the sudden chill against his skin.

Ilya finally broke their kiss and began trailing kisses down Shane’s body. When he reached Shane’s cock, he placed one last kiss there before looking up at him from where he now knelt, meeting Shane’s eyes and waiting for permission.

Shane gave him a small nod.

Satisfied with the invitation, Ilya ran his tongue over the tip, sending a jolt straight through Shane’s body.

“Fuck, Il—Rozanov,” Shane hissed.

Ilya took him into his mouth, and Shane’s fingers immediately curled into his hair. Ilya kept moving, taking him deeper as Shane’s breathing grew uneven. Shane began to whimper, his noises losing all coherence. God, Ilya loved hearing the pretty sounds he made.

“Fuck… oh God… I’m… I’m gonna…”

Shane came hard, and Ilya swallowed every drop like a man dying of thirst. Then he pulled back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

He kissed his way back up Shane’s body until he reached his mouth again. Shane pulled him into a deep kiss, wanting to taste himself on Ilya’s tongue. Ilya let out a quiet moan as Shane’s tongue slid against his. Shane wrapped his arms around Ilya’s waist and pulled their bodies together again. As he did, he felt Ilya’s erection pressing against his thigh.

Ilya wasn’t even sure how long he’d been hard. Probably since the moment Shane had knocked on his door earlier that night. After being ignored for so long, his dick was desperate for any friction Shane might give him. Painfully aware how close he was, Ilya moaned, “Shane…. I-“

Before Ilya could finish his sentence, Shane pushed him, shoving him roughly against the wall and switching their positions.

“My turn,” Shane said with a smirk before dropping to his knees.

Before Shane could reach for him, Ilya reached down and placed two fingers under Shane’s chin, tilting his head up.

He remembered the way Shane had gotten on his knees earlier that night, hesitant, uncertain, almost like he felt he had something to make up for. That wasn’t the Shane kneeling in front of him now. And Ilya knew that. Still, he needed to hear it.

“Shane,” he said quietly, “you do not have to do this. You do not have to reciprocate. I am happy just taking care of you tonight.”

“Please, Rozanov,” Shane said softly. “I need this.”

“Anything you need, sweetheart, I can give it to you.”

‘Sweetheart.’ Shane blushed at the pet name before lowering his gaze to Ilya’s cock, which was now staring at him.

He dragged his tongue up the length before wrapping his lips around the head and swallowing deeper.

Ilya gasped and let his head fall back, completely overwhelmed by Shane’s need for this.

“You are so good for me, Shane,” Ilya managed between breaths. “So good.”

Shane loved the reassurances Ilya gave him. They were simple, but they were exactly what he needed to hear.

He took him deeper. He sucked Ilya’s dick like it held all the secrets to the universe.

Ilya’s breathing grew uneven.

“I’m going to—oh, fuck, Shane…” Ilya gave as a warning, but Shane sucked him harder and Ilya emptied himself into his mouth. Shane swallowed what he could, the rest dripping from his mouth.

Ilya pulled Shane up from his knees. Breathless and panting, he pressed a series of soft kisses along Shane’s neck.

“Was that… was that good?” Shane asked, unsure.

Ilya pulled back just enough to look at him.

“It was perfect,” he said. “You are perfect.”

After that, they took their time under the warm spray of the shower, washing each other’s hair and skin and leaving soft kisses along the way. Eventually they dried off, wrapped in towels, and made their way back to the bed.

Chapter 5

Shane and Ilya lay in bed together. Ilya was on his back, and Shane rested his head on Ilya’s chest, his nose buried in Ilya’s neck, their naked bodies intertwined beneath the covers.

“Can we lie in bed without any clothes?” Shane had asked when they first got out of the shower and dried themselves. “I don’t want any obstructions between us. I want to be as close to you as possible.”

“Shane, I do not know what is ‘obstructions’,” Ilya said, smiling. “But of course, no clothes. I want to feel every part of you.”

So there they were now, Ilya lazily stroking his fingers through Shane’s damp hair and occasionally pressing soft kisses to the top of his head. Shane traced slow, absent circles across Ilya’s chest, following the line of a muscle and occasionally brushing his fingers over the small golden cross resting against Ilya’s skin. The room was quiet except for the steady sound of their breathing.

The sheets were warm around them, the faint scent of soap and steam still clinging to their skin. Ilya could feel the slow rise and fall of Shane’s breathing against him, the steady weight of his body resting trustingly on his chest.

For a while, neither of them spoke.

“Thank you for taking care of me tonight,” Shane said softly. “I know I got a bit too in my head earlier. I just felt like I was falling. But you were there to catch me. You’re always there to catch me.”

Shane’s voice was small, almost shy, like he wasn’t used to saying things like that out loud.

“Thank you for always taking care of me, Ilya.”

He said it, his first name.

Ilya.

Ilya didn’t know his name could sound like that. So gentle. So full of something warm and steady that settled deep in his chest.

He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Shane’s forehead, lingering there for a moment longer than necessary.

“Thank you for also taking care of me, Shane.”

Shane lifted his head to look at him, brows knitting slightly in confusion. “I didn’t even do anything.”

Ilya shook his head slowly, his hand still resting in Shane’s hair.

“You take care of me a lot more than you think.”

Shane studied his face for a moment, like he was trying to figure out if Ilya was joking. When he realized he wasn’t, his expression softened.

He rested his chin on Ilya’s chest again and pressed a small kiss there, right over his heart.

The quiet returned, but it felt different now. Heavier. Like something important was sitting just beneath the surface, waiting to be said. For a moment they just looked at each other, the room quiet except for the soft rhythm of their breathing. Ilya’s fingers slowed in Shane’s hair. There was something he had been carrying, something he had pushed down every time it tried to rise to the surface. But lying here like this, with Shane wrapped around him, it suddenly felt impossible to keep pretending.

“Shane,” Ilya said carefully. “I care about you. A lot.”

Shane smiled softly.

“I care about you too, Ilya.”

Ilya swallowed. The words were sitting at the back of his throat now, heavy and impossible to ignore.

“I never want to lose you.”

“You won’t.”

The certainty in Shane’s voice should have been comforting. Instead, it made Ilya’s chest tighten even more.

Ilya let out a small breath, almost a laugh, but it sounded nervous.

“Good,” he said. “Because I’m done pretending that I don’t want to be with you. I’m done pretending that you are not the most important person in my life.”

His hand moved from Shane’s hair to his cheek, his thumb brushing lightly along his freckles.

Shane didn’t pull away. He leaned into the touch.

“And I’m done pretending that I don’t love you.”

Shane’s eyes widened.

“Because I do,” Ilya said, his voice quiet but certain. “I love you, Shane.”

“Holy shit,” Shane breathed.

For a split second, Ilya felt his stomach drop. Had he said too much? Had he ruined everything? He didn’t want to take back what he said, but the silence suddenly felt unbearable.

“You don’t have to—”

“I love you too.”

The words came out fast, almost desperate, like Shane had been holding them back for far too long.

Shane pushed himself up so he was hovering over him now, their faces only inches apart.

“God, Ilya,” he whispered, voice soft and steady. “I love you so much.”

 

———

 

Ilya used to dream of moments like this. Shane in his bed. Holding each other. No outside world, just the two of them.

He had imagined what it would be like to fall asleep with Shane in his arms. To wake up to him laying his head on his chest. Sunlight across his beautiful freckles.

He had imagined tracing those freckles with his fingers in the quiet morning light.

Why had it taken him so long to open up to Shane? How long had he been denying himself this life? Could he have had Shane like this sooner?

Ilya didn’t let that thought grow. There was no point looking backward now. All that mattered was that Shane was here, warm and solid beside him.

He had him now.

“I don’t know how I’m going to be able to get out of this bed tomorrow morning,” Shane said quietly.

His voice carried a small note of sadness, like the thought of leaving already hurt.

Ilya’s fingers continued their slow path along Shane’s spine beneath the blankets.

“Mm… maybe you don’t have to.”

Shane lifted his head slightly, looking up at him with a puzzled expression.

“What do you mean? My flight tomorrow is at twelve.”

Ilya shrugged lightly, though his heart was beating a little faster now that he was about to say it.

“Maybe you stay one more night. You do not have a game for three days, yes? That means tomorrow is probably free.”

Shane blinked at him, clearly processing the idea.

The room was quiet for a moment before Ilya added, more softly now,

“I want you to stay.”

Shane’s expression softened instantly.

“I want to stay too.”

“Then stay.”

The simplicity of it made Shane laugh quietly under his breath.

“Okay. I will stay.” Shane said.

He leaned up, pressing a kiss to Ilya’s lips. The kiss started slow, almost lazy, but quickly deepened. Shane’s fingers slipped gently through Ilya’s soft golden curls

For a moment it felt like nothing else in the world existed.

“I just need to come up with an excuse to tell coach.” Shane said as he broke the kiss.

Ilya hummed.

“And tell Hayden—”

Shane froze mid-sentence.

“Oh fuck. Hayden.”

He shot upright so fast the blankets tangled around his legs. Ilya watched him scramble out of bed and rush toward the dresser where his phone lay charging.

“I need to talk to him,” Shane muttered while grabbing the phone. “He’s probably waiting for me at the hotel.”

The screen lit up in his hand. Shane groaned loudly.

“Oh fuck. Seven missed calls from Hayden and three from J.J.”

Behind him, Ilya shifted to sit upright, leaning back against the pillows and the headboard, watching the panic unfold.

Shane returned to the bed a moment later, phone clutched in his hand. He dropped down beside Ilya, the mattress dipping under his weight.

“Fuck, Ilya. What am I going to say to Hayden?” Shane ran a hand through his hair.

“I told the team I was staying at the hotel going over game footage. Hayden has sent me like twenty texts asking where I am.”

“Only you would make up lie this boring, Hollander.” Ilya said with a chuckle.

“Ilya, please, this is serious.”

Ilya tilted his head slightly.

“Why do you have to tell Hayden where you are? It is not his business.”

“I don’t have to,” he said quickly. “I choose to. He’s like a brother to me. We look out for each other. Especially when we’re on the road.”

Ilya nodded slowly.

“Okay,” he said. “Then you can tell him you are staying with me.”

Shane stared at him.

“You can’t be serious.”

He gestured helplessly toward the room around them.

“What, you want me to tell Hayden I’m staying at the Bears captain’s house?”

“Why not? I would not mind seeing the Voyageurs’ fifteenth-best player taken out by a heart attack.”

“Fuck off Rozanov.”

Ilya shrugged.

“Or you can tell him you are staying with your boyfriend.”

The word hung in the air.

“Boyfriend?”

“Well,” Ilya said calmly, “we are only fucking each other. We want to be together. And we love each other, yes?”

He leaned slightly closer, clearly amused by Shane’s stunned expression.

“So I think ‘boyfriend’ is correct.”

Shane’s lips curved into a small, warm smile. “Yes… ‘boyfriend’ is correct. I like the sound of that,” he said softly, a fondness in his voice. “My boyfriend.”

Ilya returned the smile, then pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Shane’s lips. When he pulled back just slightly, he rested his forehead against Shane’s, letting the closeness settle between them. He wanted to savor this moment for as long as possible, knowing it would become a memory they’d return to again and again.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to tell Hayden I have a boyfriend yet,” Shane said, lifting his head. “Because then I’d have to tell him I might be gay. But I hate lying to him.”

“Okay, if not ‘boyfriend,’ then you can say ‘lover,’” Ilya said with a smirk.

Shane made a face immediately.

“No, that’s gross, Ilya.”

Noticing Shane’s growing worry, the teasing expression faded from Ilya’s face.

“Okay,” he said gently. “Then you tell him you are staying with a friend. We are friends, yes? That is not a lie.”

Shane considered that for a moment.

“Okay,” he said finally. “I can say that.”

He inhaled once, steadying himself, then pressed the call button.

The phone barely rang.

“Jesus, Shane,” Hayden answered immediately. “Where the fuck are you, man? Are you okay? I was seriously about to file a missing persons report.”

Shane winced slightly at the concern in his voice.

“Shit, sorry Hayd. I lost track of time and wasn’t looking at my phone. But I’m okay. Really.”

“Glad to hear it,” Hayden replied. “But you still didn’t answer my question. Where are you? Need me to come pick you up?”

Shane hesitated.

“No, no. I’m actually not coming back to the hotel tonight.”

A pause followed.

“What do you mean? Where will you sleep tonight?”

Shane leaned forward, drawing his knees up and resting his elbows on them.

“I… Um… I’m staying with…”

The word friend sat heavy in his throat. Only a minute ago he had gotten to call Ilya his boyfriend. Something he had imagined for years. Now that he could finally say it, he didn’t want to hide it.

“With who, Shane?” Hayden prompted.

Shane turned back. Ilya was watching him from the bed, expression calm and encouraging. He gave a small nod.

Shane took a breath.

“Um… my boyfriend. I’m staying with my boyfriend tonight.”

Silence.

“Oh,” Hayden said after a moment. “Okay. Sure, buddy. Just next time maybe give a guy a heads-up.”

Shane blinked.

That was… not the reaction he expected.

Shane cleared his throat.

“Hayden?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Is that really all you’re going to say? Are you going to pretend I didn’t say I have a boyfriend?”

He hesitated.

“Does… does that make you uncomfortable?”

Why was Hayden not freaking out? Did he not hear him say boyfriend? Did he choose to ignore it? Was he uncomfortable with Shane being into men. They did share a room whenever they were on the road. Will that be a problem for him-

Ilya noticed the hurt in his question, reaching out and resting a hand against Shane’s back, slowly drawing circles against his skin. Grounding him.

“Fuck, Shane, no,” Hayden said quickly. “I just didn’t know if you meant to say boyfriend. I thought maybe you slipped up.”

Shane wasn’t sure what Hayden meant by that.

“I mean it’s pretty late and maybe you had a drink, so I thought it could have been a slip up and you didn’t actually mean to say it. I wanted to give you an out if you hadn’t noticed.”

Shane let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Oh. No. Not drunk. Very aware I said boyfriend.”

“Well then that’s great, man,” Hayden said warmly. “I’m really happy for you.”

Shane glanced back at Ilya, he was watching Shane with a soft smile, his fingers still tracing circles along Shane’s back.

Hayden continued on the other end of the line.

“Seriously, Shane. And thank you for trusting me with this. I really want to hear about him sometime. He must be quite the guy if he managed to pull The Shane Hollander.”

Shane felt his cheeks warm.

“Um… yeah,” he said, glancing at Ilya again. “He’s the best.”

Ilya raised an eyebrow slightly, amused by the compliment but clearly pleased.

“Honestly, Hayden,” Shane continued, “I kind of already expected you to be okay with this. But you’re maybe a little too okay? I don’t know… I feel like it’s weird that you’re not being weird about it. Do you have, like, a gay cousin I don’t know about or something?”

Hayden laughed softly.

“Nope. No secret gay cousin,” he said. “I don’t know, man. I just never thought it was a big deal. People love who they love. That’s kind of it.”

Shane exhaled quietly.

“Yeah… okay. That makes sense.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. Now I’m the one being weird.”

A small pause followed before he added more quietly,

“You’re actually the first person I’ve come out to.”

“Shane, I’m honored,” Hayden said sincerely. “Really.”

Shane swallowed, feeling something warm settle in his chest.

After a moment Hayden spoke again.

“So I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow morning then? Don’t forget the bus to the airport leaves at ten.”

“Actually… about that,” Shane said. “I was thinking of staying here in Boston one more night. Since we have a free day tomorrow.”

“Oh, sure,” Hayden said easily. “That actually sounds like a great idea. Are you going to swing by the hotel to grab your things?”

Shane hesitated.

“Well… I was actually going to ask a favor, if it’s not too much trouble. Would you be able to take my suitcase back to Montreal with you? It’s mostly already packed.”

“My boyfriend’s place is kind of far from the hotel,” Shane continued, “and I really don’t want to waste any of the time I get to spend with him.”

Hayden didn’t miss a beat.

“Shane, of course I can do that,” he said. “You’ve got your passport on you though, right?”

Shane laughed.

“Hayden, did you forget who you’re talking to? Of course I have it on me.”

“You’re right,” Hayden said with a chuckle. “What was I thinking?”

There was a brief pause before Hayden spoke again.

“Alright then. I won’t keep you away from your man any longer. Just let me know what excuse you give Coach so I can back up your lie if he asks.”

“Thanks, Hayden. I really appreciate it.” Shane hesitated before adding, “And… please don’t tell anyone about this yet. I mean, you can tell Jackie if you want. But… no one else.”

“Shane, I would never tell anyone,” Hayden said immediately. “Honestly, I wasn’t even planning on telling Jackie. It’d probably be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do… but I’d still do it for you.”

Shane smiled.

“Thanks, Hayd.”

“But speaking of Jackie,” Hayden continued, “if you’re okay with her knowing, maybe you could come over for dinner sometime this week and tell her yourself. Only if you want to, though. I can also tell her for you.”

Shane thought about it for a moment.

“Actually… yeah. I’d really like to tell her myself.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured you’d say,” Hayden replied. “Alright then. Just let me know when you’re back in Montreal.”

“I will. And thanks again for being so cool about this.”

There was a small pause before Shane added quietly,

“Love you, man.”

“Love you too, buddy.”

The call ended, and Shane slowly lowered his phone.

Before he could turn around, Ilya shifted closer and pressed a hand to Shane’s chest, gently pushing him back against the headboard and pillows. Then he leaned over him, settling on top of Shane and between his legs, his weight warm and familiar. He began pressing slow kisses along Shane’s neck, his jaw, and the curve of his chest, lingering over the spots that always made Shane inhale sharply.

“I am so proud of you, Shane,” Ilya murmured against his skin.

Shane’s hands slid automatically into Ilya’s hair, holding him there for a moment.

“Thank you, Ilya,” Shane said softly. “I’m glad I did it.”

Ilya lifted his head and looked down at him, his expression warm. Then he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Shane’s lips.

When he pulled back, his voice was full of quiet amusement.

“So,” he said teasingly. “You love Hayden?”

“Fuck off,” Shane said with a grin, pulling Ilya down for another kiss.

Chapter 6

Chapter Notes

Little bit of a bonus chapter.

Thanks for making it this far :)

Shane knew Ilya was much better than him when it came to this sort of thing, so he trusted Ilya when he said the plan would work. That didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified.

Shane walked into the Voyageurs’ locker room before practice like it was any other day. Only it wasn’t. Today, Shane was on a mission.

He pulled off his t-shirt and began digging through his bag, deliberately taking his time with his back turned to his teammates.

“Capitaine! What the fuck happened to your back?” J.J. called out. “Looks like you got attacked by a mountain lion.”

Alright Shane just like you rehearsed. Shane thought to himself.

“Oh fuck, I didn’t realize she got me that good,” Shane muttered, acting shocked, as if he did not tell Ilya to dig his nails in even harder.

“Ooo Hollander, who’s the lucky lady?”

Shane leaned slightly closer to J.J., lowering his voice, but still loud enough for the nearby guys to hear.

“My Boston girl,” he said. “She was feeling a little jealous. Said she wanted to mark her territory or whatever, so the girls in Montreal would know they had some competition.”

God he hoped he sounded casual saying that and not like a robot.

“So apparently my back is her canvas.” Shane added.

“Cap, you gotta introduce us to this girl,” J.J said. “Any girl who can do that to a guy’s back must be an absolute freak.”

Shane hated how comfortable his friend was talking about a woman he did not know like that, a woman that does not even exist.

“J.J.,” Shane said in a warning tone.

Then he grabbed his compression shirt, not putting it on yet, and turned around as casually as he could to face the rest of the room. Just as he’d hoped, several of his teammates had clearly been eavesdropping, and now they were openly studying the marks on his body.

“Wasn’t just your back she attacked, huh Hollander? Are those hickeys?” Comeau said.

There were hickeys around his lower abs and V-lines, partially covered by his sweatpants waistband, but obvious to everyone where they led.

“Well done, Cap. Didn’t know you had it in you.” Someone said.

“Fuck, Hollander, who is this girl?” Someone else added.

There were wolf whistles and howls.

Once Shane was sure everyone had gotten a good look, he quickly pulled on his compression shirt, feigning slight embarrassment, as if he’d just realized what he’d exposed. His signature blush appeared right on cue. Apparently, even rehearsing the whole interaction hadn’t prevented it.

Once the noise died down a bit, Shane cleared his throat. The room gradually quieted. Using the calm, commanding voice that could easily control a room of twenty professional hockey players, Shane spoke.

“Alright, everyone. Listen up.” He paused briefly. “Let me start by saying that I was not aware there were… marks on my body when I showed up today. So I want to apologize for that. It was not appropriate for everyone to see.” His tone was factual rather than apologetic.

“Oh fuck off, Capitaine,” J.J. said. “No one here is uncomfortable with that.”

“Uhm, thanks for the reassurance, J.J.,” Shane replied evenly. “But actually, I am uncomfortable.”

The room quieted again.

“I get very uncomfortable discussing my sex life with anyone other than my partners.”

He glanced around the room.

“And while I may have accidentally opened the door for speculation about what I do in my free time, this was not an invitation for anyone to continue that conversation with me.”

Another pause.

“So, I’d appreciate it if we could go back to when some of you were wondering if I was still a virgin.” Shane’s eyes flicked toward Drapeau, who immediately dropped his gaze.

“Alright.” Shane clapped his hands once. “Glad we got that sorted. I want everyone on the ice in fifteen. Anyone late is doing bag skates.”

Shane turned back to his cubby to continue getting ready for practice when his phone buzzed.

 

Ilya: Everything okay moy lyubimyy?

Shane: Yes. It’s done.

Ilya: You tell them everything I told you to say?

Shane: Word for word.

Ilya: Good boy

Ilya: I’m proud of you

Shane: I didn’t realize how much I needed to do that.

Shane: Thank you for being behind me on this. I love you.

Ilya: Yes behind you, my favorite position to be in

Shane: Okay, I set that one up for you. That one’s on me.

Ilya: 😈

Ilya: Ya tebya lyublyu

 

——

 

After practice, as the players were heading toward the parking lot, Hayden caught up with Shane.

Making sure they were out of earshot.

“Dude, that was fucking awesome. What you said to the guys earlier. The way you shut their bullshit down. Where did all of that come from?”

Shane laughed.

“Well… it didn’t come from me, that’s for sure.”

Hayden blinked.

“Wait, seriously? Your guy told you to say all of that?”

Shane gestured toward his car, silently inviting Hayden to continue the conversation somewhere private.

“Yeah. It was kind of his idea.” once they were inside the car.

Hayden leaned back in his seat.

“Wow, Shane. Sounds like he’s really good for you. I’m glad you have someone so supportive. I really hope I get to meet him one day.”

“I’d like that very much.” Shane smiled softly.

Hayden chuckled.

“He did go a bit overboard with the hickeys though.”

“Fuck off, man,” Shane said, laughing. “Cut him some slack. It’s the first time in eight years I let him leave any marks on my body anyone could see. He got a little excited.”

Hayden froze.

“Eight years?? Shane, did you just say eight years?”

“Oh. Um… yeah. Only exclusive recently. But yeah… eight years.”

“Wow,” Hayden said. “That’s even longer than I’ve known you.”

“But seriously, man. Your back looks like it was mauled by a bear.”

Shane smirked.

A Boston Bear.

He kept that joke to himself.

“Like I said, Hayd, my Boston girl likes to mark her territory.”

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for all the love! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)