Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Texting Fic, Texting, urban dictionary, Hollanov are the Ottawa Centaur Rookies' Parents, Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Not Canon Compliant, Fluff and Crack, IKEA, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander Walks Ilya Rozanov Like A Dog, Autistic Shane Hollander, its not that prevalent but its in the subtext and important to me, Fuck Montreal, they aren't mentioned but i stand on business, probably ooc i did this for fun, No Plot/Plotless, Fuck AI

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Ottawa Centaurs Gone Wild

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-27 Words: 1,590 Chapters: 1/1

Hollanov vs The Internet

Summary

Shane and Ilya aren't exactly the most internet savvy. When you're hiding a secret relationship for over a decade, you clearly avoid social media. Even when that means you tend to be a bit behind, especially compared to your young rookies.

or

Snippets of text exchanges between Hollanov, their team, and their rookies.

Notes

First published HR fic! (not first drafted *wink*)

Very plotless, just for funsies after I saw a tweet making fun of someone for saying "idk idc" and the response was "abc def".

I don't think Ilya would actually text with good grammar, but I wanted there to be a stark difference between the rookie's texts and the rest of the team.

Also all texts are from Ilya POV except one section is Luca POV (my son, my angel)

The *** mean it's a new plot/topic

Full House

Lover: Does this weekend work for the rookie sleepover? Need to know 

for grocery purposes.

Ilya: Yes do not make moy lyubimyy wait for responses.

Baby Haasy: I will be there!

LaPointe: yurrr

Holmberg: works for me

Young: all good here

Lover: LaPointe is that an affirmative?

Ilya: I am also confused. What is yurrr?

LaPointe: It’s just slang for yes

Lover: Like an abbreviation? Yes is shorter than yurrr. Is it not easier

to say yes?

Holmberg: i forget how old u guys are sometimes lol

Ilya: You take that back! I am very youthful!

Baby Haasy: sorry cap and hollzy

Ilya: Thank you Luca. This is why you are second favorite child.

Lover: Ilya they are not our children.

Young: wait who’s first?

LaPointe: me obviously

Lover: Absolutely not.

Holmberg: damn thats harsh

Ilya: Is Anya. Obviously.

Ilya: I did not hear apology from rest of you. Speak now or no secret special

pancakes from me when you wake up.

Baby Haasy: do not ruin this for me guys.

Lover: Ilya we have talked about this. Those pancakes are a crime

 against health.

Young: sorry

Holmberg: sorry

LaPointe: sorry

Ilya: Shane I cannot hear you over sweet apologies of our spawn! I am

hearing I must make them special pancakes!

Lover: Thank you boys.

Lover: These are texts you asshole. Also do not call them our spawn.

LaPointe: I don’t mind it.

Young: suck up

LaPointe: mf I got told I was absolutely not the favorite let me work

back up the ranks

Ilya: What is “mf”?

Holmberg: dw ab it cap

Ilya: Oh I can do that too.

Ilya: abc def hij

Baby Haasy: are you having a stroke?

Lover: Ilya.

Ilya: The children are speaking in tongues! I am worried!

Young: is he being serious

Lover: I think so yes.

Young: motherfucker

Lover: What did i do?

Ilya: Do not call him that! You have dropped below Holmberg.

Holmberg: HA

Young: no i was explaining it!! mf means motherfucker

Young: i do not belong behind holms in child rankings

Young: haasy i understand but HOLMS??

Holmberg: man come on

***

Ottawa Centaurs

Bood: Since I am apparently the most civil, I was put in charge

of making the new team playlist, so please send songs and/or artists.

Dykstra: My list is pretty long, I’ll send it over.

Dillon: cut it in half.

Ilya: I request the bad bunny.

Ilya: Shane requests whale sounds and white noise.

Lover: No I do not.

Hayes: I’ll take anything from the X-Squad soundtracks.

Barrett: Too soon.

Ilya: Agreed. Too soon.

Lover: Will you let it go already? She is our friend. You both

bullied me at lunch together last week.

Young: mom and dad are fighting

Dykstra: So far I’ve got Oasis, Weezer, and Tracy Chapman.

Holmberg: genuinely what is wrong with you

Chouinard: None of those are allowed to touch the playlist.

Hayes: Well… Tracy should stay.

Ilya: Yes I agree Hazy.

Ilya: I love lesbians.

Lover: Ilya, no.

LaPointe: i could be so rich if i sold these texts

Bood: Please don’t. 

Young: i want some tate mcrae in there

Hayes: That’s a good pull.

Holmberg: you know who that is??

Hayes: I’m hip with the kids.

Ilya: Who is this tate mcrae?

Young: she’s a popstar! i think u’d like her song sports car

Lover: The grammar is killing me.

Ilya: I will listen.

Dykstra: I looked up these lyrics and I think we’re all about to

want to kill Young.

Barrett: I informed Harris and he’s just laughing at me.

Ilya: I like this song!

Ilya: I relate a lot because me and Shane have uh uh in my sports car.

Lover: ILYA HOLLANDER-ROZANOV.

Bood: Yeah, Young’s gotta die.

Baby Haasy: i miss who i was five minutes ago

LaPointe: Roz look what you’ve done! you tortured poor

haasy’s virgin ears!

Baby Haasy: I AM NOT A VIRGIN

Bood: It’s alright man… we believe you.

Holmberg: weird thing to inform the groupchat of bud

Baby Haasy: i know where you sleep

Holmberg: i know where you sleep too… under a poster of roz

Ilya: Stop fighting boys you will upset your mother.

Lover: I am not upset.

Chouinard: Oh Hollzy…

Lover: What?

Ilya: So you do see yourself as mother of our children! I will cancel

our Maury appearance!

Lover: I walked right into that one.

Dykstra: Maury also hasn’t been on for years?

Ilya: Not true. I watch it all the time.

Hayes: Those are just reruns.

Ilya: This is devastating news. Someone must do something about this.

Ilya: Next you tell me the jeopardy man is no longer the jeopardy man.

Barrett: Oh Roz.

***

Baby Cens

Young: dibs on first shower

LaPointe: no way dude

Young: i’ll be quick its just a bird bath

Haas: is this a me not knowing english thing or a young is

on the internet too much thing?

Holmberg: too much on the internet thing

Holmberg: also i googled it and ur fucking disgusting bro

LaPointe: i regret living with you people.

Young: says the guy who cried at up

LaPointe: EVERYONE CRIES AT UP

LaPointe: also don’t put me in a mid-off with you

Haas: what are we doing for dinner

Holmberg: i thought u were going to cap’s place

Young: yeah suck up

Haas: i’ll tell him you said that

Young: no please i’m already way too low on his favorite

child rankings.

Haas: i was gonna but turns out the Pike’s are also coming for dinner

and Roz told me to save myself

LaPointe: what about italian?

Holmberg: absolutely not.

Young: it has been MONTHS since the breakup please i

miss ravioli

LaPointe: brother it wasn’t even a relationship that was 

a humiliationship 

Haas: oh that’s brutal

LaPointe: you get deprived of your favorite cuisine and

we’ll see how you feel

Ottawa Centaurs

Ilya: What is a humiliationship?

Holmberg: WHO SNITCHED

Baby Haasy: he read over my shoulder

Bood: What are we talking about?

Ilya: I saw in the baby cens chat that Holms was in a humiliationship.

Dykstra: Just putting the kid on blast damn.

Lover: Don’t embarrass him, Ilya.

Young: no please do

Young: he has banned italian food from our home since

it ended… i need raviolis bad

Lover: Young we’re having italian for dinner tonight, just

join us. We’re already having company.

Ilya: YOUNG NO! DO NOT DO IT! IT IS A TRAP!

Ilya: HAYDEN PIKE WILL BE THERE! I CANNOT SAVE MYSELF

BUT I CAN SAVE YOU!

Lover: Ilya he is our friend.

Ilya: He is awful.

Barrett: Wait but what is a humiliationship?

Young: someone kill me please

***

Ottawa Centaurs

LaPointe: me and Young are going to IKEA who wants to join?

Baby Haasy: i already told you no

Baby Haasy: nobody agree to go until they tell you WHY they want to go

Ilya: Haasy is land of your people? Why would you not want to go?

Barrett: Harris wants to know if what you have planned for the

IKEA will cause any blowup on social media.

Young: definitely.

Bood: I’m afraid to ask what you’re gonna do.

LaPointe: we want to pretend to fight as a toxic married couple

in the showrooms.

Hayes: I love roleplay! Count me in!

Dykstra: Hayes no.

Bood: Please do not play in these people’s store.

Holmberg: I’m gonna be their kid in the next room overhearing everything

while playing just dance to drown it out.

Chouinard: Well that’s dark.

Lover: Holms you okay?

Ilya: Luca we are joining! I want you to tell me what all the 

swedish words mean!

Ilya: I also want to try to special meatballs.

Baby Haasy: i have my mom’s recipe… i can just make them

for you

Dykstra: Haasy can cook? How are you single?

Young: he has the social capacity of a lost gerbil

Hayes: That’s definitely insulting, but I have no idea what it means.

Ilya: Young it is like you are trying to do extra bag skates.

***

Ottawa Centaurs

Ilya: Shane is a clean girl.

Dykstra: What is happening?

Lover: This is all the rooks’ fault.

Ilya: The children told me to stop asking them what slang meant and 

to instead use website called urban dictionary for all my questions.

Ilya: I am learning a lot of new sayings.

Holmberg: ok but hollzy lowkey is a clean girl…

Hayes: I’ve been down this rabbit hole. 

Bood: I am so fucking scared right now.

Ilya: Dallas Kent has Mar-A-Lago face.

Barrett: Hold on let me ask Harris.

Barrett: He was laughing so hard he’s lying on the floor.

Ilya: Yes, I am very funny we know this.

Chouinard: I don’t like to eat the pizza bones.

Chouinard: This is fun!

Lover: What are we doing?

Young: i think looking up random words on Urban Dictionary

Dykstra: Some of these are very sexual.

Dykstra: I’m clutching my pearls.

LaPointe: has anyone here tried a cambodian clubwhacker?

Hayes: I am not falling for that.

Bood: OH MY GOD

Hayes: I think Bood fell for that.

Lover: Ilya I will skin you alive if you even THINK of 

addressing that.

Holmberg: i can’t tell if that means they have or haven’t

done that

Young: walk him like a dog hollzy

Ilya: woof

Lover: ILYA.

Ilya: I DID NOT ADDRESS THE SEX THING.

Ilya: I am going to tell Scott Hunter he leaves old-person dust wherever

he goes.

Baby Haasy: ???

Old Dinosaur

Ilya: You leave behind old-person dust wherever you go.

Old Dinosaur: The fuck Roz?