Preface

i've been pushing for this for so long
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/79608321.

Rating:: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning:: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:: M/M
Fandoms:: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
Relationship:: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov
Characters:: Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Roger Crowell, Yuna Hollander, Various Barely Developed OCs
Additional Tags:: POV Outsider, Mixed Media, told through tweets posts and transcripts, Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Uses Show Team Names, realistic homophobia, Humor, Hockey Injuries, does not use twitter skins because the author breaks out in hives trying to do too much in html, realistic racism, Established Relationship, Social Media, all russian was translated via google translate, sappy af
Language:: English
Series:: Part 2 of desperate measures (the 2021-2022 season)
Stats:: Published: 2026-02-15 Completed: 2026-02-18 Words: 34,653 Chapters: 4/4

i've been pushing for this for so long

by LiarsandThieves22

Summary

ESPN: Shane Hollander To the Ottawa Centaurs after Tumultuous End to Montreal Metros Career

@CentaursGirlie1995: obviously i feel very badly for shane but my beautiful failson of a team getting the two best players because of homophobia is perhaps the only good thing homophobia has ever done

--

Or: Shane's first season on the Ottawa Centaurs, as told by everyone else in the world.

Notes

this follows the basic plot i outlined in kiss me just one for luck (these are desperate measures) but you don't really need to read that to get what's happening here

once again i have ignored everything i know about hockey for the sake of the narrative. twitter is still twitter because covid doesn't happen in game changers which means i can make other sweeping real world changes in fic. similarly i don't think you can actually comment on espn but whatever, in this world you can i guess

Chapter 1: July 2021-November 2021

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

ESPN: Shane Hollander To the Ottawa Centaurs after Tumultuous End to Montreal Metros Career
By Mike Port
Posted: July 10th, 2021

OTTAWA, CANADA – In a move that will surely send shockwaves through the next Major League Hockey season, Montreal Metros captain Shane Hollander has signed to the Ottawa Centaurs.

The hockey world has been speculating on a Hollander move since the final game of the Metros playoffs last season, where the three time MVP of the league tripped on a key play, allowing Centaurs captain Ilya Rozanov to score. The loss was heightened by allegations that Hollander had tripped on purpose to allow Rozanov to win; the two had recently been outed as being in a years-long clandestine relationship with each other. Hollander never addressed the cheating rumors, which spread rapidly after the event. The rumors were fueled by fans in part, but perhaps more surprisingly by the Metros locker room itself. Multiple Metros players spoke anonymously to local sports reporters about Hollander’s trip, claiming to feel “betrayed” by their captain, and questioning his loyalty to the franchise. After such a dramatic end to the season, it seemed unlikely that either the Metros or Hollander would have much desire to continue their relationship, despite their success together (the Metros had won three Cups since Hollander joined the team, two of which were back-to-back).

Following the outing, rumors persisted about what moves Hollander might make as a free agent. A move to Ottawa was suggested by some insiders after Hollander was spotted in the city following his playoff loss. Some, however, felt the move was unlikely for salary cap reasons – the Ottawa line-up now includes several big name stars, including Rozanov, Troy Barrett, and goaltender Wyatt Hayes, as well as a star rookie in Luca Haas, who is likely to draw a multi-million dollar salary when his entry level contract expires. A source close to the management of the San Francisco Whales suggested that they were aggressively going after Hollander as well. The Whales organization declined to officially comment on that rumor. Still, some thought that retirement was a more likely path forward for Hollander. In fact, some sports commentators suggested that Hollander, who was one of the top scorers in the league last season, was no longer employable due to the heightened drama of his personal life.

Ottawa Coach Brandon Wiebe disagrees. In the announcement made today, Wiebe praised Hollander as “one of the greatest active hockey players, and perhaps one of the greatest players of all time.” The statement went on to further say that this move bolsters their lines, and that the franchise feels certain they’ll be in playoff contention again this year.

The statement notably did not mention the fact that Hollander would be playing alongside his fiancé Rozanov, in what is a first for Major League Hockey – and perhaps a first for any professional men’s sports team whatsoever. Hollander’s personal statement on the matter merely said he was excited to play for Ottawa, and echoed Coach Wiebe's belief that the team will be playoff ready this year.

News of the move has already sparked numerous reactions across the sports world. Many have speculated that Hollander made the decision to move to Ottawa in order to remain close to Rozanov; it is, however, worth noting that Ottawa is the city where Hollander’s parents live, and the Centaurs are both Hollander’s hometown team and the only MLH team outside the Admirals to have openly LGBTQ hockey players on their roster (Ottawa player Troy Barrett came out as gay during the last season; Rozanov identifies as bisexual).

Social media comments by some players suggested that MLH should institute rules to limit Hollander and Rozanov’s interaction on the ice. Dallas player Mark Strong posted and quickly deleted a statement about banning couples in the league, and liked several posts containing homophobic slurs before privating his accounts. Phoenix captain Eric Paulsen suggested that two married players on one team would serve as a distraction to opponents, and would give an unfair advantage to the Centaurs. Others, however, have disagreed, including Team Canada captain Adrienne Leach, who plays alongside her wife Holly in the women’s league. “Women have managed to play with and against their wives, girlfriends, and romantic partners for years without any issue in pretty much every sport,” she said. “The men can figure out how to live with one couple, I think.” Admirals captain Scott Hunter, who was the first active player in Major League Hockey to come out as gay, was quick to congratulate Hollander and Rozanov on social media, writing that they were likely now “the most formidable offense in the league,” and that he looked forward to playing them.

The Montreal Metros, meanwhile, said they had no comment to offer on the move.

—

Free Skate Hockey Blog: RUMOR: Commissioner Crowell Seriously Considered Cheating Investigation Into Hollander Ahead of Ottawa Move
By Mr. Hockey
Posted July 15th, 2021

Hi Free Skate Nation – I have another exciting FREE SKATE EXCLUSIVE! for you.

The news of the week remains the not-quite-as-stunning-as-it-should-be signing of Montreal Metros star Shane Hollander to the Ottawa Centaurs. As I spoke about after the Metros crash-out from the playoffs last year, there was not a lot of love lost between Hollander and his old team, who happily raked him over the coals for a trip that cost them a crucial Game 7 victory to Ottawa. In the wake of that, we all expected Hollander to leave Montreal, and that he ended up on the same team as his partner Ilya Rozanov isn’t too surprising.

What IS surprising is that before the paperwork got signed, MLH Commissioner Roger Crowell was allegedly considering opening a cheating investigation into Hollander.

My source inside MLH said that Crowell was considering opening the investigation as late as July 8th, two days before the finalization of Hollander’s contract. The investigation, if opened, would have seen Hollander benched for the duration, and might have prevented his signing paperwork from going through altogether.

However, lawyers inside MLH cautioned Crowell against opening the investigation, saying it could be grounds for a personal discrimination lawsuit from Hollander and Rozanov’s camps and that it would potentially aggravate the MLH Players Association. Indeed, it’s hard to imagine what the reaction would have been to a player being benched for the crime of tripping during a game that is played on literal ice.

More interesting to me is that the investigation targeted Hollander specifically. My source said an investigation into Rozanov was not discussed, although they weren’t sure why. Likely reasoning is that Hollander is the one who tripped during the playoffs, but my source says that Crowell has, as of late, seemed “fixated” on Hollander.

It will be curious to see how the season goes with Hollander and Rozanov on a team together. Make sure to subscribe to my feed for all the latest gossip as I get it.

—

TWITTER

@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: New blog up on the Hollander Ottawa move and Crowell’s canned cheating investigation. Link here!: bit.ly/010292fhsa

@beautyandthebarexam: @FreeSkateHockeyBlog Not a total expert, but agree that the cheating investigation would have been a legal mistake. If Hollander had /any evidence at all/ that Crowell might be less than gay friendly it could be a slam dunk discrimination suit.
@lindaontheice: @FreeSkateHockeyBlog I can’t imagine trading your best player because he’s gay. Feels very short sighted!
@WhalesRule420: @FreeSkateHockeyBlog bro wtf we need a player like hollander. ottawa with both roz and holly is flippin insane.
@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: @WhalesRule420 Honestly, not sure where ESPN got the info that the Whales were interested. I didn’t hear anything – as far as I know Hollander’s agent went straight to Ottawa and no other offers were even considered.
@CentaursGirlie1995: @FreeSkateHockeyBlog obviously i feel very badly for shane but my beautiful failson of a team getting the two best players because of homophobia is perhaps the only good thing homophobia has ever done

@ilyasgirl814ever: if you had told my fanfic obsessed 13 year old self that one day shane hollander and ilya rozanov would play on a team together she would have died on the spot. i have been WAITING for this FOREVER!!!!!

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @ilyarozanov81
Posted July 25th, 2021

Description: [A professional photograph of Shane putting a ring on Ilya’s finger during their wedding. Both are visibly crying.]

Caption: Best day ever @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

COMMENTS:

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Love you. Can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

@JackiePike35: So much fun!! I only cried a lot!!!!

@HaydenPike35: same but only bc i realized shane was actually going through with it
@ilyarozanov81: i know you love me pike you can’t hide it

@RoseLandryOfficial: oh my god i’m crying again i love you two so much

@EvanDykstra: very smart of you not to post any videos of you drunkenly dancing like an idiot roz!

@liamortonmusic: what the fuck???????? is this allowed???????? illegal to make me feel things this early in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!

—

People: Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander are Officially Married!

Barseat Sports: Is the Hollander-Rozanov Marriage An Unfair Distraction to Other Teams?

Man in the Crease: NEW EPISODE: Off-season trades, injury woes, and what the Hollander-Rozanov team-up means for Ottawa’s playoff odds!

—

GOOD MORNING OTTAWA BROADCAST: SEPTEMBER 19th, 2021

[Description: A studio stage with two comfortable beige armchairs facing one another. In one sits a middle-aged white woman with a blonde bob – Good Morning Ottawa Sports Anchor Megan Scarborough – and in the other sits Shane Hollander. Scarborough wears a plum skirt suit; Hollander is wearing a dark blue button up and khaki pants.]

Segment Transcript:

Megan Scarborough: An exciting interview today folks – I have the latest Ottawa Centaur, Shane Hollander, in the studio to talk about the upcoming season! Shane, it’s truly an honour to have you here.

Shane Hollander: It’s an honour to be here, Megan, thanks for having me.

MS: Your first big interview as a Centaur! I’m glad it’s with us.

SH: [Laughing] Well, it’s my Mom’s favorite show, so.

MS: Yes, a hometown boy! How does it feel to be playing hockey in the city you grew up in?

SH: Amazing. When you start playing professionally, a part of you knows that – well, almost no one plays for the team they grew up rooting for. So you sort of have to split your mind. You can’t really be a fan anymore once you’re working. But I get to be a fan again, which is just awesome. I’ve always loved the Centaurs.

MS: Even during their fifteen year playoff drought?

SH: [Laughing] A real fan never gives up.

MS: Well obviously we’re all excited to have you here. It’s a big change from your last team, Montreal. What do you think the biggest adjustments you’ve had to make are?

SH: Montreal was a very . . . specific team. They were one of the original teams, so there were a lot of expectations, and a lot of legacy. The Centaurs are a newer team, a bit scrappier, maybe. In Montreal we were always pretty serious; in Ottawa, everyone seems a lot more loose. Ready to have fun. It’s been nice, remembering how to have fun playing hockey again.

MS: And, of course, you get to play with your husband now.

SH: [Laughing] Is that an upside? He’s been giving me crap on the ice for ten years, now I have to hear it every day. Just constant chirping.

MS: [Laughing] Shane, you promised you wouldn’t swear!

SH: [Laughing] I did, I did, I’m sorry. No, obviously it’s great to play with Ilya. We've played together at the All-Star Game before, and it's really fun. He’s a great player. The Centaurs have a ton of great players – Dystrka, Hayes, Haas, Barrett, Boodram. It’s a phenomenal team.

MS: Obviously your time with Montreal didn’t end quite the way you planned. How have the last few months been?

SH: An. . . adjustment. You never really think you’re going to spend your whole career with one team. Even the best players get traded, move around. It’s part of it. But at the start of last season, if you’d told me I’d be leaving Montreal in a year, I’m not sure I would have believed you. Now, of course, it feels . . . like fate, maybe? Like it was always supposed to be this way. Does that even make sense?

MS: I understand. Part of your exit from Montreal was surrounding some very unkind rumours regarding your performance in the last playoff game of the season. Several people, including Scott Hunter of the Admirals, have suggested that you were scrutinized unfairly because of your coming out, and the fact that you were playing against your partner. Would you agree?

SH: Look, I. . . fans get passionate, right? I understand the passion. It’s a team you love; it’s a sport you love. When it doesn’t go your way, you look for scapegoats. Or conspiracies. Something to make the disappointment make sense. I mean, it’s why we’re superstitious, right? I put my skates on in a specific order every game. I can’t be mad at the fans for wanting that game to have gone differently. I wanted it to go differently. I can’t be mad at them for blaming me. But the truth is, I’m just human. I screw up sometimes. And I am sorry, for screwing up, but there’s nothing else I can do about it. It’s past, now.

MS: That’s how you feel about the fans spreading rumours – what about reports that your old Metros teammates spread those rumours as well?

SH: I don’t have any comment on that. I had several great seasons with the Metros. I wish them well.

MH: Still, you must be feeling some pressure from the critics. Outside of The Trip, a number of professional athletes in your league have made what appear to be deeply homophobic comments about you playing with your husband. Do you have anything to say to people who view your relationship as a distraction to the game?

SH: I think Adrienne Leach said it best: women have been doing this for years in their sports leagues. Men want to act like we’re the better athletes, and then we can’t handle playing against a couple? Come on. It’s a bit pathetic, right?

MS: A bit pathetic indeed. Well, one last question Shane: with the season about to start, what team are you most excited to play?

SH: Well, it’s always fun to play against Scott Hunter in New York. Boston’s hated me for years, so that’s always exciting. Seattle is usually a great game – the fans are awesome there, always a really enthusiastic crowd.

MS: Not Montreal?

SH: [laughing] I didn’t want to give the obvious answer. But yeah, it’ll be great to play against Montreal. Nice to see my friends Hayden and J.J. again, of course. But mostly . . . nice to remind them that I won them three cups.

MS: Now that’s an Ilya Rozanov answer if I ever heard one.

SH: [Laughing] Well, it’s been a decade. Maybe he’s rubbing off on me.

MS: Well, there you have it ladies and gentleman. Shane Hollander of the Ottawa Centaurs. Thanks for joining us, Shane. The home opener is on October 12th.

COMMENTS:

@Hollanov5ever: he said a decade omg

@Hollanov5ever: the doubters will continue to doubt but my masterdoc of evidence that this has been going on since way before that all star game kiss grows ever bigger

@CentaursGirlie1995: @Hollonov5ever that’s their rookie seasons right? he probably just means that’s how long they’ve known each other, he said “ten years on the ice” earlier
@Hollanov5ever: @CentaursGirlie1995: yes ORRRRR he means that’s how long they have been IN LOVE read all about it in my masterdoc on my tumblr
@CentaursGirlie1995: @Hollanov5ever yeah wait send me the link actually lol

@kentpark: Excited to have him on Ottawa! This team is going to be epic!

@CentaursGirlie1995: soooo hype for hollander on ottawa but him saying he had to remember hockey is fun broke my heart???? what did the m*tros do to you baby

—

UsWeekly: #Hollanov Timeline – When Did Hockey’s Favorite Couple Really Get Together?

Montreal Reporter: OPINION: The Metros Will Be Stronger Without Hollander and His Drama

Barseat Sports: Why the HELL Hasn’t MLH Opened a Cheating Investigation Into The Hollander Trip Yet?

—

ESPN: Ottawa Demolishes Miami 6-0 in Season Opener, Aided by Hollander Hat Trick

Ottawa Sun: The Centaurs Have Made Ottawa Hockey Fun Again

The Advocate: Hollander and Rozanov Shut Down Critics With Dominant Opening Game

People: Shane Hollander’s Parents Spotted at Ottawa Home Opener Wearing ADORABLE Custom “Hollander-Rozanov” Jerseys – Where To Order Your Own!

—

COMMENTS on ESPN.com: “Ottawa Demolishes Miami 6-0 In Season Opener, Aided by Hollander Hat Trick”

@JakeyMain: no doubting the hockey was good but man do we have to watch these guys flirt all season. no professionalism at all. rozanov fucking made out with him on the ice! kids watch this game man lets get it together.

@LandryLover12: god forbid a man gets excited his husband scored a goddamn hat trick. or god forbid a man gets excited his TEAMMATE scored a goddamn hat trick!!!!!
@rajskatez: “made out” bro it was like a half second peck. they kiss harder than that in disney movies man
@RaidersFan97: tell me you’ve never watched ilya rozanov play without telling me you’ve never watched ilya rozanov play. dude’s always doing stuff like this. pretty sure he once blew a kiss at eric paulsen after tripping him too lmao
@JakeyMain: @RaidersFan97 ok but surely u can see the difference between doing it mockingly and doing it in a flirty way
@SarahSurely: @JakeyMain so kissing a fellow man is okay if it’s ironic but not if it’s genuine? seek therapy my good bitch

@BigDawgJerry: If Shane Hollander wins us the Cup I will fight Ilya Rozanov for his hand in marriage

@RaidersFan97: rozanov is a pretty good fighter man i’d be careful what you wish for lol

@maddytavernwench: wait i just realized in his classic shirtless post-game interview that ilya wears his wedding ring on his chain now that’s so freaking cute wtf

@shanehollandercallmeplz: shane wears his on a chain too!! at least during games i think they maybe both wear them on their fingers otherwise?? so cute though
@maddytavernwench: and yet you want this happily married man to call you
@shanehollandercallmeplz: i made this account in 2009 and it won’t let you change your username :( ilya rozanov don’t hurt me i’d never homewreck i promise

—

ESPN: Miami Captain Zack Bennett Says Ottawa Loss Was Due To “Distracting” Environment

COMMENTS:

@yayayayayayaya: lmao if the mere existence of two dudes you know have sex with each other is so distracting you can’t play hockey you might just be a bad hockey player

@burneraccount12: bennett spent the whole game wondering if rozanov and hollander wanted a third and couldn’t score because of that :( it’s not his fault :(
@yayayayayayaya: stupid sexy hollanov!!!!

—

Ottawa Sun: Hollander On Season Opening Hat Trick: “Only Possible Thanks To Everyone Else On the Ice”

PuckingAround.com: Rozanov On Hollander’s Season Opening Hat Trick: “Very Sexy”

Miami Metro News: Bennett Clarifies Comments On Season Opener, Says Ottawa Fans Were the Distraction, Not Rozanov and Hollander; Donates $500k To Irina Foundation

NYT Opinion: The Ottawa Centaurs Strong Opening To the Season Should Silence Homophobic Critics – But It Won’t

—

Montreal Times: Metros Say There Are “No Plans” For Shane Hollander Tribute In Tonight’s Home Game Against Ottawa Centaurs
By Grace Madsen
Posted: October 30th, 2021

In a surprising break from tradition, the Metros have confirmed rumours that tonight’s game against the Ottawa Centaurs will not contain a tribute to former Montreal Metros captain Shane Hollander. Historically, when players who had successful Metros careers return to the stadium with a new team, the Metros have acknowledged the player in a special call out and with a video containing career highlights. Hollander, who signed to the Centaurs over the summer, won three championships with the Metros and had been, prior to the move, widely considered one of the best active players in the franchise.

When asked why they would not pay tribute, Metros spokesperson Marcel Emmett said that it was a new policy, and was not about Hollander specifically as a player. “Going forward, we will not be paying tribute to former players unless they retired as a Metro,” Emmett said. When asked for clarification on when this decision was made, and specifically if it was made prior to Hollander’s move, Emmett declined to specify.

The Metros have had a rocky start to their season, with only four wins so far. Coach Theriault has maintained that the team is still getting used to shifts in their lines and that he expects them to pick up the pace as the season goes on. “I wouldn’t say this is a rebuild,” Theriault said. “I expect us to fill the gaps very quickly. I don’t think too much has changed on the team, fundamentally.” The Centaurs, conversely, have won eight of their last ten games and are looking for a repeat win against Montreal after their playoffs triumph last year. When asked about his expectations for the team against the Centaurs, Theriault referred to last year's loss as “a fluke,” and stated that the changes the team made over the summer should prevent it from happening again.

Despite the lackluster team performance so far, the Bell Center is expecting a full crowd at tonight’s showdown. It will be the first time the Metros and Centaurs have faced off since the Hollander move. The game begins at 8pm local time.

—

Montreal Times Opinion: After Three Cup Wins, Hollander Deserves Better From The Metros

—

TWITTER

Twitter Trending Hashtag: #MetrosvsCentaurs

@puckhandler11: jesus christ this game is fucking brutual

@rodneybrax: @puckhandler11 i think these guys hate each other man
@puckhandler11: @rodneybrax yea i mean i don’t fw the gay shit tbh but there riding hollander way to hard here it keeps leaving the rest of his line open to score. bros not the only guy on the ice
@ohshitwaitno: @puckhandler11 @rodneybrax “i don’t fw the gay shit” is an insane thing to say about a hockey player who is actively kicking your teams ass

@CherylYamataESPN: Hollander takes another huge hit. Nothing explicitly illegal on the ice yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the game deteriorates. Frankly, Theriault needs to get his team in line – this hyperfocus on one player is getting a bit embarrassing.

@CherylYamataESPN: More embarrassing now – Comeau just took time to needlessly check Hollander and let Haas up the ice to score. 1-0 Ottawa.

@OttawaCentaurs: Up 1-0 at the end of the first period! An amazing goal by @LucaHaas and some great saves by @WyattHayesGoalie ! Onto the next period!

@HollanderHo99: @OttawaCentaurs is shane okay :( they’re being so maen to him on the ice he didn’t do anything to deserve that he’s just a little guy :(
@emohockeybabe: @HollanderHo99 ilya rozanov burner account found

@PikePrincess: Hayden looks so upset 😢

@MetrosMeg: @PikePrincess wouldn’t you be? they’re beating up his bestie 😭
@PikePrincess: @MetrosMeg I know 😢 I was hoping Hayden would get out over the offseason tbh, Metros seem so toxic rn
@MetrosMeg: @PikePrincess yeah i mean i grew up here so i don’t think i can /not/ root for the metros but this is making it feel really gross rn. shane didn’t even do anything wrong
@jake1199925: @MetrosMeg @PikePrincess you don’t think purposefully tripping in a playoff game is wrong?
@MetrosMeg: @jake1199925 @PikePrincess oh shut up. no real metros fan thinks he did that on purpose. it’s hockey, shit happens. shane won us so many championships, one trip doesn’t get rid of that
@PikePrincess: @jake1199925 @MetrosMeg: seriously gtfo troll

@MikePortSports: Rozanov not looking happy out there on the ice. Centaurs have yet to match the Metros energy in terms of player-on-player aggression, but as period two winds down Rozanov is certainly starting to rise to it.

@MikePortSports: And that’s another big hit by Rozanov. Cardot goes into the boards and comes away looking ready to throw a punch. Boiziau got in there to pull Cardot back.
@MikePortSports: Rozanov back on the bench after the line switch and Hollander appears to be saying something to him.

@blossompower: Ilya “If You Hurt My Husband I Will Kill You” Rozanov is 10000% throwing a punch before this game is over

@smolwormgirl: @blossompower 99% sure shane is trying to talk him down on the bench lmaooo #couplegoals
@blossompower: @smolwormgirl lmao YES! ilya rozanov protec…he attac…he have shane hollanders bac……
@blossompower: @smolwormgirl seriously tho i’m getting a bit worried for shane with all these hits

@CherylYamataESPN: Rozanov’s aggression pays off; off a big check by him Barrett is down the ice and into the net. 2-0 Centaurs at the end of the second.

—

Transcript of Booth Commentary, Metros vs Centaurs Game, October 30th, 2021

Start Transcript:

Eddie Osbourn: And we’re back in Montreal for the start of the third period. Well, I’ll tell you Wayne this is a rough game out on the ice tonight.

Wayne Gillis: You’re not wrong Ed. Hollander is taking some big hits out there. I’m surprised Wiebe hasn’t pulled him from the line.

EO: Well, you’ve got to admit, his presence seems to be distracting some of the Metros defensemen. Haas’ goal was made off the back of a pretty needless hit on Hollander.

WG: Honestly, this whole game so far is a bit of an embarrassment for the Metros. We’ve all seen animosity among ex-teammates, but this level for your former captain seems uncalled for.

EO: You certainly have to imagine the Metros will need to answer some tough questions on performance after tonight if they can’t manage to claw this back.

WG: Hollander’s back out on the ice, with the puck, heading for the net. He passes to Haas and – Jesus!

EO: Did you see that? What was that?

WG: Lot of blood on the ice after that hit.

EO: Now I don’t know, but from the booth it appeared that Comeau very deliberately hit Hollander with his stick, across the face, under his visor. Completely illegal move if that’s what happened – a high stick of course, but I’d say absolutely attempt to injure, to get up under the mask like that. No way he is staying in this game. Hollander is bleeding pretty badly from his face – hard to tell if that broke his nose or not, but you have to imagine he’ll be taken off the ice as well.

WG: And the Centaurs bench has cleared – led by Rozanov, who’s – ah, okay, he’s not getting into a fight, he’s checking in on Hollander. Barrett, however, has taken a swing at Comeau – gloves are off, and the Metros bench has cleared as well.

EO: Hollander appears to be trying to keep the peace – he’s keeping Rozanov out of it. Hayden Pike, too, on the Metros side appears to be trying to get his guys away from the Centaurs.

WG: What a mess. You hate to see this. Fans are booing like crazy, not sure which team it’s directed at.

EO: Woah!

WG: So much for keeping the peace. It appears that Cardot got in Rozanov and Hollander’s face, and Rozanov pulled away from Hollander to get into the scuffle, and we’ve got a real fight on our hands folks.

EO: Refs are getting in there now.

WG: Hollander still bleeding a lot. I’m not sure how we go back to hockey after this one, Ed.

EO: I agree Wayne. What a mess.

—

SPORTSNET BREAKING VIDEO: BENCH CLEARING BRAWL AT METROS/CENTAURS GAME

COMMENTS:

@kickingnscreamin: jesus did he break hollander’s fucking nose???

@montreal5ever: embarassing to be a fan of this team tn. really shameful shit. and we couldn’t even win smh

@rajskatez: goddamn rozanov punched the fuck out of cardot what did that dude say

@fukupayme: @rajskatez saw cell phone footage of it on twitter, cardot said the french f slur basically
@unreal_braindead: @rajskatez @fukupayme if they ban cardot for that its pussy shit sport gone too woke
@rajskatez: @unreal_braindead username checks out lmao

@ilyasgirl814ever: okay but ilya rushing to check on shane while the rest of the team goes to fight soooooo sweet???

@hotties4hollander: @ilyasgirl814ever i know omg the way he held shane’s face!!!! and i think you can see him asking if shane’s nose is broken and i think he even kissed him although it’s hard to see on camera
@ilyasgirl814ever: @hotties4hollander lmao and then that asshole comes over and ilya’s all “hold my flower babe i gotta kick his ass”

@wannabepuckdaddy: troy barrett are you single asking for a me

@hotties4hollander: @wannabepuckdaddy he is not!! he’s dating harris who’s the centaurs pr guy lol
@wannabepuckdaddy: @hotties4hollander oh shit thanks for the update i just googled harris let me revise my post

@wannabepuckdaddy: troy barrett and haris drover are you looking for a unicorn asking for a me

@hotties4hollander: @wannabepuckbunny ZJKSKSJSKKSJSZ
@ilyasgirl814ever: @wannabepuckbunny you’re so fucking valid bestie

—

ESPN VIDEO: POST GAME PRESS CONFERENCE: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov Discuss Centaurs Win Against Metros After Bench Clearing Brawl

[Description: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov sit at a press table together, microphones in front of them. Hollander is sporting a bandage on his nose and a split lip; his left cheek has already begun to blacken. Rozanov has a black eye. Hollander looks calm; Rozanov looks angry. Both are wearing suits, although Rozanov has not bothered to properly tie his tie. A PR person in a Centaurs jersey stands to the side.]

Hollander: Alright, let’s get this over with.

[A clamor arises as reporters shout questions. Hollander points to one. Noise dies down.]

Reporter #1: Hi Shane, Derrick Weathers, The Athletic. First off, how’s your head?

Rozanov: [chuckles]

Hollander: It’s fine.

Reporter #1: You took a lot of hits that game prior to the flagrant foul – do you feel Montreal was playing a clean game?

Rozanov: No.

Hollander: [to Rozanov] He wasn’t asking you. [to Reporter] I think the way Montreal played speaks for itself.

Reporter #1: Well, they never played like that when you were captain.

Hollander: I’m not captain anymore, am I? Next.

Reporter #1: I’m sorry Shane, but if you don’t mind–

Rozanov: Shane minds. But me? I don’t mind. Montreal played like assholes. Was embarrassing for them. There is a way to play like that and still be good – still score. They did not do that. Grown men letting petty rumors from last season ruin their play now? Embarrassing.

Hollander: What he said.

Reporter #2: Lisa Jensen, Sportsnet – Shane, are you saying you agree with Ilya’s assessment about Montreal’s play?

Hollander: Look – I wanted to play a good game of hockey tonight. Centaurs fans wanted to see a good game of hockey tonight. I’m sure Montreal fans also wanted to see a good game of hockey tonight. And they didn’t get that. The truth is that I feel embarrassed that this is how it ended up. I loved my time in Montreal, I loved my time on the Metros. I still have a lot of love for these fans. And I’m sorry to them, for what happened on the ice.

Rozanov: [muttering in Russian]

Hollander: Next?

Reporter #3: Hi, Jack Simpson, Barseat Sports – did you two do anything to aggravate the Montreal bench tonight?

Rozanov: [speaking loudly in Russian, agitated, for approximately 45 seconds]

Reporter #3: Uh, can we get a translation of that?

Hollander: [sarcastic] He said “no, we did not.”

Reporter #3: You don’t expect me to believe that’s actually what he said, do you?

Rozanov: I do not give a shit what you believe. Run me through Google translate. Or, better, watch the game again. Look at Comeau slam his stick into Shane’s face. Then come back here and tell me Shane somehow did something to deserve that.

Reporter #3: I’m just asking–

Rozanov: And I am just telling. No. We did nothing to provoke it.

Hollander: Next.

Reporter #4: Mike Port, ESPN – Shane, do you feel that the animosity directed towards you on the ice today was a result of homophobia?

Hollander: Some of it. Not all of it.

[silence]

Reporter #4: Uh, would you care to elaborate?

Hollander: The Metros knew I was gay before I got outed publicly. I’m not saying every guy on the team was great about it, but it wasn’t like tonight. This isn’t about that – or it’s not just about that, anyway. It’s about the Trip. [beat] And Rozanov, of course.

Rozanov: It’s true, Montreal has never liked me.

Reporter #5: Shane, you’ve never offered much of a public statement on The Trip–

Hollander: I never felt I needed to. Anyone who knows me or has seen me play knows I give it my all. Every game. I don’t cheat. Certainly not for this asshole. [nudging Rozanov] [beat] Look, you want a statement on The Trip? Fine. I have been with Ilya in some capacity or another for the entirety of my professional career. We started seeing each other prior to our rookie season. And I still managed to win this city three championships. Ilya has never done anything except make me a better hockey player and a better man. Anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot. [beat] That’s it.

[clamoring]

Centaurs PR: Okay, that’s enough, let’s–

Reporter #1: Your entire careers?

Reporter #4: Shane are you saying–

Reporter #3: Does this mean you cheated on Rose Landry?

Reporter #2: Shane, if we could get some clarity on the timeline–

[overlapping yelling from press room. Centaurs PR tries to tame the reporters as Shane and Ilya speak to each other, faintly picked up on mic]

Rozanov: [to Hollander] You did not tell me you were going to say that.

Hollander: [to Rozanov] I didn’t really know I was. But it’s the truth, right? I’m sick of everyone speculating and. . . and we’re not hiding anymore, so.

Rozanov: Very romantic. [kisses Hollander, forgetting the split lip. Hollander winces in pain.] Ah, sorry sweetheart.

Centaurus PR: That’s enough, this press conference is over, thank you all. [to Hollader and Rozanov] Let’s go.

[END VIDEO]

COMMENTS:

@ilyasgirl814ever: THEIR WHOLE CAREERS?? A DECADE??? SOMEONE CALL THAT TUMBLR GIRL WHO’S BEEN POSTING ABOUT THEM SINCE LIKE 2012 SHE FUCKING CALLED THAT SHOT

@CentaursGirlie1995: @ilyasgirl814ever I JUST READ THAT MASTERDOC and omggggggg this is IN-SANE i cannot believe she was right. who else is going to be right. is larry real. are dan and phil secretly together. why was that girl gifted the power of prophecy by apollo??? WE MUST KNOW

@hotties4hollander: SWEETHEART??? SWEETHEART!!!!!!! I am going to P A S S O U T

@ColstonWuzHere: hol up can anyone translate that whole angry minute of rozanov speaking in russian lmao

@katyazamolodchikovaunofficial: it was honestly mostly swearing lol. and a couple comments about “bullshit journalists" from “fake outlets” spreading “stupid garbage” hahaha
@jennabobenna: lolllll eat barseat up rozanov all my homies hate barseat

@TomDunks: alright are we sure hollander is gay because he left that “how’s your head” joke just hanging there

@georgiaoqueef: @TomDunks my man was he supposed to say “no complaints yet” to a room full of reporters
@TomDunks: @georgiaoqueef . . . . yes?

—

hollanov5ever.tumblr.com:

Chapter 2: December 2021-March 2022

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

MLH: Get Ready! All Stars Fan Voting Opens Up December 10th!

—

What The Puck Podcast: What’s Going To Happen With The All-Star Game?
Episode Posted December 1st, 2021

Transcript:

[INTRO MUSIC]

Evan Simpson: Hey Puck Nation, welcome back to the pod! As always, it’s Evan here with my brother Billy–

Billy Simpson: Hello, hello!

Evan Simpson: And our buddy, Nate MacDonald.

Nate MadDonald: Love to be back in the action!

Evan: A lot to talk about this week, some wild games, but I wanted to kick us off with something the three of us have not been able to stop talking about off pod: the All Star Game.

Nate: Ohhhh yeah. Oh yeah.

Billy: I mean, I can’t remember the last time I even cared about an All Star Game. But this one, it feels fraught!

Nate: I mean, I’ll say it – the question here is do Hollander and Rozanov go. That’s it. Nothing else matters. Or is even interesting. [laughing] I’ll say it!

Evan: I mean, I think they’ll get voted in, don’t you? It’s been a crazy good season for both of them.

Bill: And let’s be honest, they’ve brought new fans in.

Evan: Completely. And, I mean – I think it’s great, honestly. My wife has friends who are picking up the sport because they, you know , they like the love story. And now they like the sport. And if more kids stick with it, because they feel more welcome, that’s always good.

Bill: I mean, you know us, we’re not against bandwagon fans. Get on the dang thing! Keep the sport alive! Come to the games, buy the jerseys! [laughing] Subscribe to the pod!

Nate: Yeah but it’s not the fans who’d stop them from going, right?

Evan: We’re entering conspiracy corner.

Nate: I don’t even think it is a conspiracy, man. Crowell does not like these guys. It is obvious. A one game suspension on Comeau? Nothing on Thierault’s comments?

Billy: Yeah.

Nate: The radio silence is insane, man, I’m just saying.

Evan: You think they’d put out one of those bullshit statements. You know, like “MLH respects players of all sexual orientations and believes sports are for everyone. We find these comments disheartening and unfair.”

Billy: Shit, they should hire you.

Evan: [laughing] No, but seriously! That took ten seconds. They didn’t even do that. The Metros did it, but MLH didn’t? It’s just wild.

Nate: I’m telling you, it’s Crowell. He and Hollander and Rozanov, they just don’t get along.

Billy: [sarcastic] For whatever reason.

Evan: I mean, he had big shoes to fill, Crowell. The commissioner before him, the first ever commissioner, by the way, Ted Hope, I mean – he was comish for over two decades. He added ten teams! Including Ottawa, by the way. Crowell had to come into the job knowing there were high expectations – keep earning money, keep the league growing. And I guess he feels that the best way to do that is to keep politics out of it, keep the–

Billy: Hicks?

Nate: Backwards, homophobic, sexist, racist, dickbags?

Billy: Harsh.

Nate: I’m just saying.

Evan: I mean, whoever – keep those fans happy. The ones who don’t want to see, you know, gay players.

Nate: I’m not disagreeing that his job is to make the league money, but he’s doing a bad job. He, of all people, should be embracing this. These guys are in People, man. They trend on Twitter twice a week. My daughter shows me these, like, edits on TikTok of them. I read the other day that people are having custom jerseys made with both their names on them. They’re bringing money in. You can make more money embracing new fans than you can catering to the old guard.

Billy: Which means you should want them at the All Star Game.

Nate: The lived reality is that Crowell wants to be one of those guys who calls himself apolitcal, when he really means conservative. And that used to fly, right? Sports weren’t political, they were the great bridge between us or whatever. But those days are over man, they are way over. Look at what NBA players are doing, man, the idea that your players are supposed to just shut up and play the game and never talk about politics is fucking absurd.

Evan: And in this case, I mean, Hollander and Rozanov aren’t even talking about politics, not any more than they used to. They’re just existing. They’re just open about their personal lives and their relationship with each other. Which, if you didn’t know they were married, you could watch whole games and not necessarily guess. It’s not like they’re taking thirty minute breaks to make out on the ice every game.

Billy: You’re so right, man. It’s so weird to act like they’re doing something distasteful or wrong here. I mean, it’s hockey! It’s Canadian, man, it’s the Canadian pastime! Why are we trying to act like Americans?

Evan: By which we mean shitty.

Billy: By which we mean shitty!

Evan: It’s not just Crowell though. I mean, come on – you can see it in the games, some of these players just hate these guys.

Nate: Well, so maybe the real question is, do Hollander and Rozanov even want to go? Step into a game with guys who maybe hate them?

Billy: I mean, I can’t imagine them deciding not to go if they get the vote. It would look weird.

Nate: Maybe it should look weird! Maybe they should get a little angrier! Maybe the best way to get the league out of this bullshit, head-in-ass positon to throw a fucking tantrum! Get the fans pissed!

Evan: I think they have another strategy.

Nate: Yeah?

Billy: Oh yeah.

Evan: I think they’re gonna win the fucking Cup.

Billy: I mean, it’d be hard to argue with them then.

Nate: Yeah. Yeah, it’d be hard to argue with that.

COMMENTS:

@davidwantstofight: hockey podcasters being pro gay rights we really are in the future

@jacksonnnnnnnnnn: lowkey tho do you think anyone would be this pro gay rights if it wasn’t actually literally hollander and rozanov who were gay together? like did anyone go this hard for any of the other gay dudes who were like mid level. these guys have been sucking hollander and rozanovs dicks for years, they weren’t gonna stop bc it turned out hollander and rozanov were sucking each others dicks lol
@davidwantstofight: nah you right lmao

—

Free Skate Hockey Blog: RUMOR: Crowell Looking Into CHANGING All-Stars Qualification Rules After Opening of Fan Voting
By Mr. Hockey
Posted: December 10th, 2021

Hi Free Skate Nation – another exciting FREE SKATE EXCLUSIVE! for you. As you all know, fan voting for the February All-Star Game has opened as of today. This year, the fans will pick four players to act as “captains” of four separate All-Star teams; the captains then draft from a list of All-Stars selected by members of a committee appointed by MLH. Although it’s early, the polling is available on the MLH website, and the immediate public favorites in voting are the New York Admirals’ Scott Hunter, the Chicago Hawks’ Peter Tremblay, and the Ottawa Centaurs’ Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander.

Apparently, the front office of MLH was not expecting Hollander to remain a fan favorite as he no longer holds Captain status on Ottawa and skates on the second line instead of the first. Rumors from the commissioners office are suggesting that Commissioner Crowell is considering announcing that no two people from the same team can be captains in the All-Star game, in an attempt to head off a potential Hollander-Rozanov face off at the event.

The question of why, exactly, Crowell seems so against a Hollander-Rozanov All-Star Game – a thing that the league, in years past, has gone to lengths to explicitly make happen – is unclear. But my source states that this is part of Crowell’s ongoing “grudge” against Hollander, who he feels is “distracting” from hockey. (Why this grudge seems aimed largely at Hollander and not Rozanov is a mystery.)

COMMENTS:

@pierrerulez909: mr. hockey i love you but this is absolute bullshit come on man. they don’t change the all-star rules after voting begins. and the idea that crowell irrationally hates one of the best players in the league is just nuts.

@luckyshooters: Yeah, I think Mr. Hockey is getting jerked around by this “source.”
@lindaontheice: I don’t know! Long-time readers like me have always thought Mr. Hockey’s MLH source is a friend of his who works in the office. He’s gotten some stuff earlier that is really, /really/ on the nose. He reported about Hollander’s secret meeting with Crowell last year during the “gay rumors” era, and that turned out to be dead accurate. How could he know that unless he had someone in the office?
@pierrerulez909: so you think, what? someone in mlh is sitting in meetings where crowell is just ranting and raving about hating shane hollander and then leaking it to mr. hockey? sounds sort of insane

—

MLH.com: Updated Rules Pertaining To The 2021-2022 All-Star Game
Posted December 11th, 2021:

After much consideration, MLH is announcing adjusted rules for player participation in the 2021-2022 All-Star Game and future All-Star Games. In order to increase player participation and fan excitement for the event, and to keep public voting fair in smaller team markets, we have decided that only one person from any given MLH team may be appointed a captain at the All-Star Game via fan voting. While you can continue to vote for any players you wish, only the top player from a team will be awarded captaincy – should two players from the same team finish in the top four, we will pick the fifth most voted player, and so on and so forth, until all four captains represent different teams.

Upon the closing of public voting, the captains will then draft their All-Star teams from a pre-selected list of All-Stars chosen by our offices and those with MLH press credentials. In the interest of maintaining a fair selection process, we have adjusted this pool of nominated players to include only a single player from each team as well. Anyone selected as Captain will count as their team’s sole representative in the game. We believe this will create a fun, fresh game with participants from across the league, and will allow new players a chance at All-Star Glory.

Voting remains open until New Years Eve.

—

TWITTER

Trending Sports Hashtags

#CancelTheAllStarGame

#MLHAllStarGame

#CrowellResign

#JusticeForCrowell

@pierrelaurent: i’d like to apologize to free skate hockey blog mr. hockey i was not aware of your game

@CentaursGirlie1995: making a brand new rule just to /prevent/ hollander and rozanov both being in the all-star game after like 10000 seasons of bending over backwards to make sure they were both there and playing against each other make it make fucking sense

@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 i’m genuinely starting to believe those people who are saying crowell just hates shane because what the hell
@CentaursGirlie1995: @MontrealMeg i mean, in this case i guess it’s directed at both of them – ilya being the captain on ottawa doesn’t mean he’ll get more votes, colorado sent an alternate captain last year. but also it sucks for like, hayes and barrett man, like what the fuck

@HollanderHo99: @RogerCrowellMLH resign ugly

—

Joint Statement From Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander on MLH All-Star Game:
Posted December 12th, 2021:

We are disappointed at the recently announced rule change for the All-Star Game. The Ottawa Centaurs are having an amazing season, and there are many players on this team who exemplify the best of hockey and deserve to go and represent the team at the event. In an effort to not overshadow the work of our teammates, we have decided that neither of us will participate in this year’s All-Star Game. We have been to many All-Star events over the years, and while it is always a fun time, we’d rather give the singular spot awarded to Ottawa to one of our teammates who’ve earned it.

We thank you for voting for us to participate in the All-Star Game season after season. We look forward to seeing who ends up on the roster this year and watching the game from our home in Ottawa.

– Shane & Ilya.

—

ESPN: BREAKING: Rozanov and Hollander Announce They Will Not Attend All-Star Game Amid Controversial Last Minute Rule Change

New York Gazette: Scott Hunter and Carter Vaughn Announce They Will Withdraw From All-Star Game Voting After Rule Change; “We Want To Give Our Teammates A Chance To Shine”

—

INSTAGRAM:

Post by @OttawaCentaurs
Posted December 13th, 2021

[Description: A photo of Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander on ice during practice. Rozanov is laughing at something Hollander has said. Both are in full Centaurs Gear.]

Caption: A Statement By The Rest of the Ottawa Centaurs:

We are grateful every day for our captain Ilya Rozanov and our teammate Shane Hollander. Every time we’re on the ice they encourage us to be better players. Off the ice, they are exemplary leaders in the Ottawa community, and amazing friends to each of us individually. We cannot overstate how much they have improved our lives as individual hockey players, as a team overall, and simply as people in the world. The idea of attending an All-Star Game where the two of them won’t be participating feels unfair and inappropriate.

In solidarity with our teammates, we are announcing that no Ottawa Centaur will attend this year’s All-Star Game. We are sorry to fans who looked forward to seeing us, but we feel it isn’t right in the face of what we believe are egregious rule changes made to prevent the participation of two of our best players.

To Shane and Ilya: we love you both, and we stand by you always.

To Ottawa Fans: we’re sorry about the All-Star Game. Let us make it up to you in the playoffs, yeah?

COMMENTS:

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Love you guys. It’s an honour to play with you all.

@WyattHayesGoalie: NO TAKEBACKS!
@TroyBarrettHockey: love you back man!
@BoodMEISTER: Luca just actually burst into tears Shane
@LucaHaas: NO I DIDN’T HE IS LYING
@ilyarozanov81: do not worry luca shane cried at post too. very sweet. stupid though, because when else will dykstra get to be all star :(
@EvanDystkra: ahh fuck you rozanov ❤️

@manicpixiehockeybitch: the solidarity . . . the love . . . the found family fan fiction writes itself

@wendywantsw33d: i don’t even go here re: rpf but you’re not wrong what the fuck

@OscarFromOttawa: this is very sweet but if you’ve jinxed playoffs i will never forgive you!!!!!!

—

Chicago Dot: Multiple Chicago Hawks Players Pull Out of All-Star Game

Miami Metro News: Zack Bennett Says He Will Skip All-Star Game “In Solidarity With Rozanov and Hollander”

Renegade.com: MLH Is Scrambling To Find Stars For All-Star Game

Free Skate Hockey Blog: RUMOR: Advertisers FUMING As MLH All-Star Game Loses Most Of It Stars, Demanding a Walk Back of Rule Change

—

TWITTER

@ZackBennetMLH: I know that my comments after playing Ottawa earlier in the year were deeply harmful and upsetting to many. I have done a lot of thinking and research since then. Miami has a thriving gay community, and I want to support all fans, regardless of who they love. (1/3)

@ZackBennettMLH: In that spirit, I cannot attend an All-Star Game where it seems that certain people are being excluded for that very reason. In solidarity with Rozanov and Hollander I will be sitting this out as well. (2/3)
@ZackBennetMLH: I sincerely hope MLH listens to fans and players about this rule change and commits to doing better in the years to come. And I hope that fans of all backgrounds, races, genders, and sexual orientations know they will always have a home at Miami games. (3/3)

@MistressMiami: Everything else aside, I’m proud of Bennett for skipping the All-Star Game. I was very upset with his comments after he played Ottawa, but it seems he’s really taken some time to listen and learn

@beachbum69: @MistressMiami seriously zack bennett becoming ally of the year was not on my 2021 bingo card

@CentaursGirlie1995: if zack bennett can learn not to be a raging homophobe in two and a half months surely the MLH can figure it the fuck out right

@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 we love a face heel turn
@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 not holding my breath on the mlh or the metros tho :/

@CherylYamataESPN: Miami’s Zack Bennett is, surprisingly, the only player so far saying the quiet part out loud: that the All-Star Game rules changes were explicitly about preventing both Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov from attending the game, and that the change was homophobic in nature. Neither Hollander/Rozanov nor Scott Hunter called that out in their statements. The Centaurs’ team post implied as much, but didn’t go quite as far as Bennett did.

@ilyasgirl814ever: @CherylYamataESPN we love GROWTH! four for you zack bennett you go zack bennett!!!!!!!

@MikePortSports: Curious to see if the MLH Players Association reacts to this. It seems like, on an individual level, a lot more players are on Hollander and Rozanov’s side than not. Or, at the very least, they agree the rule change is unfair. It certainly negatively affects a lot more players than just Hollander and Rozanov, and a lot more teams than just the Centaurs.

—

Free Skate Hockey Blog: RUMOR: MLH Players Association Considering An Investigation into All-Stars Rule Change and Whether It Targeted Hollander and Rozanov Specifically; MLH Front Office Considering Cancelling All-Star Game Altogether To Avoid Scrutiny

—

MLH.com: Announcement on the 2021-2022 All-Star Game
Posted December 24th, 2021

Due to an unfortunate issue with the venue, we are cancelling the 2021-2022 All-Star Game. We apologize to fans who were excited for the event. The planned break in the season for the All-Star Game will still happen as scheduled. We look forward to bringing the event back in 2022-2023, better than ever. Refunds for the event will be handled at point of purchase.

—

TWITTER

@pierrelaurent: okay mr. hockey absolutely has a friend in the mlh office i’m a believer

@djjeffyjeff: @pierrelaurent hockey version of the uncle who works for nintendo

—

r/hockey

ALL-STAR GAME CANCELLATION MEGATHREAD:

u/hockey5ever: lmao “venue issue” shut the fuck up oh my god we’re not stupid

u/toneybaloney: absolutely fucking insane. did they really cancel the all-star game instead of just letting both hollander and rozanov play??? no way they couldn’t have just walked back the rule change???

u/feral-cake-99: Genuine question: why does everyone keep saying they did this because of Hollander and Rozanov? And that it’s homophobic? I sort of understand the logic of only having a single player on each team, because plenty of teams never get to send players and those fans are less inclined to watch the game then. Right?

u/toneybaloney: there’s a long answer for this – i’d recommend listening to the latest what the puck podcast where they have paul hunter from rainbow sports on, or reading pablo jones’ substack about the whole thing, but the short answer is that mlh has really failed on curbing a lot of bad shit this year with how hollander and rozanov (but especially hollander, imo) have been treated. they barely suspended comeau for a bad hit, they didn’t say anything about the montreal coach basically accusing hollander of getting/excpecting special treatment because he’s gay, they walked back mandatory team pride nights /right after/ their two best/most famous players came out and got married to each other. even if it’s unintentional, it’s painted a picture of mlh as being lightly homophobic and incompetent at best and openly malicious to several of their players at worst. the feeling here is that they announced the rule change because they thought, like other years, that hollander and rozanov would still get the most votes for captain and they didn’t want to have an all-star game with both of them as centerpoints. there’s no official evidence, of course, but a lot of us who follow the sport feel this way – they only announced the rule change after early voting put both hollander and rozanov near the top of the polls. honestly if they’d just changed the rules pre-season, it would still be sus but it’d seem like less targeted? plus there were rumors last year that hollander was gay and that he and crowell were having secret meetings where crowell was pressuring him to not come out. they weren’t substantiated and honestly i thought it was bs at the time, especially once troy barrett came out, but looking back on it it doesn’t seem so crazy. basically a lot of us really feel like it’s obvious that mlh really didn’t want their single biggest star to come out of the closest, and that they certainly aren’t happy he came out with their second biggest star.
u/feral-cake-99: That’s the SHORT answer????
u/deadoyster: wait who’s the best player and the second best player between hollander and rozanov
u/toneybaloney: lol changes every day man

u/shutupandskate: COMMENT REMOVED BY MODERATORS

u/HockeyMods: Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #3: no sexist, racist, or homophobic language. We will not tolerate hate on this subreddit. You have been banned.
u/wicked-plate-1290: lol r/hockey holding itself to higher standards than actual major league hockey you know thats right

u/chitownmytown: announcing this on christmas eve like they were hoping no one would notice is INSANE though right

u/throwaway-1290: Shane Hollander is ruining the fucking sport. He should just retire and shut the fuck up and get away from hockey.

u/rainbow-cartridge-11: just hollander? not rozanov? your not being fucking subtle with your racism asshole

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @TROITOI

Posted December 24th, 2021

[Description: Photo 1: A blurry, slightly out of focus picture of Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander. Both are wearing winter jackets, toques, and jeans. There is a light, romantic layer of snow flurrying around them. Rozanov is holding the leash of an adorable dog in one hand; he is holding Shane's hand with his other. His body is turned towards Hollander’s, and he’s clearly mid-sentence. Hollander has thrown his head back in laughter.

Photo 2: Further down the street. Hollander has stopped laughing and is now looking at Rozanov with a fond smile. Rozanov smiles back.

Photo 3: A slightly out-of-focus picture of Rozanov and Hollander kissing.

Photo 4: Further down the street. Rozanov and Hollander continue to walk, still holding hands.]

Caption: SPOTTED! Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander go for a romantic, snowy stroll with their dog amid MLH All-Star Game drama!

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanovupdates: imagine being roger crowell having the worst christmas ever because of a pr nightmare of your own creation and meanwhile shane and ilya are just walking their dog and being in love and not even thinking about you lol

@darlalovesbooks: this isn’t the point but @ilyarozanov81 @shanehollanderhockeyplayer start an instagram account for your dog immediately omg she’s so cute

Post by @HarrisCentaurs

Posted December 28th, 2021

Description: [Photo 1: Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Troy Barrett, Zane Boodram, and Cassie Boodram sitting at a large table together. There is a card game happening in front of them. Shane is laughing, covering his mouth as he does so. Rozanov is slamming a hand onto the table in triumph. Barrett is pointing an accusatory finger at Rozanov. Cassie and Zane appear long-suffering.

Photo 2: Cassie pulls a giant pile of poker chips towards herself triumphantly. Ilya has his head on Shane’s shoulder, despondently; Troy has buried his face in his hands. Both Shane and Zane are laughing.]

Caption: Poker date night with my faves!!

COMMENTS

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: It’s worth losing money just to see Barrett and Ilya fight like this honestly

@HarrisDrover: and didn’t you like hanging out with the dogs at the farm??
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Harris you can’t trick me! @ilyarozanov81 we are not getting a second dog!
@ilyarozanov81: i’m breaking you down hollander, i know it

@ilyarozanov81: @cassiebood i love you cassie but we must uninvite you or i will never be able to afford to retire and let shane be the trophy husband he longs to be

@cassiebood: you’ve gotta learn that not EVERY bluff is a good bluff roz!!!
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: I don’t think either of us will ever count as trophy husbands. Unless you mean, like, literal trophies.
@ilyarozanov81: shane that was worst dad joke i have ever heard. come to the kitchen so i can kiss you about it plz

Post by @jackiepike35

Posted January 1st, 2022

[Description: Photo 1: A selfie of Jackie wearing a tiara that says HAPPY NEW YEAR; Hayden is next to her, kissing her on the cheek.

Photo 2: Evan Dykstra kissing J.J. Boiziau on the cheek while Boiziau tries and fails to remove himself from the embrace.

Photo 3: A video of Wyatt Hayes picking his wife Lisa up and spinning her around as she laughs.

Photo 4: Cassie and Zane Boodram kissing Luca Haas on both cheeks. Luca is flustered and bright red.

Photo 5: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov kissing on the lips. Ilya has his hand hooked under Shane's chin; Shane has his hands on Ilya’s waist.]

Caption: Happy New Year from my loves to yours!!

COMMENTS:

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Thanks for coming over! 🙂

@ilyarozanov81: yes but next time leave pike at home and bring kids instead
@HaydenPike35: fuck off rozanov

@cassiebood: awwww omg baby luca is so sweet i love my son

@ilyarozanov81: excuse you OUR son
@EvanDykstra: jesus roz we get it you’re from russia comrade we must all share under communism
@ilyarozanov81: . . .
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Not to worry you Ev but I just watched Ilya Google “gun store near me”
@EvanDykstra: wow those 8 years in america really rubbed off on him
@ilyarozanov81: okay that one made me laugh you get to live for now

@sunshine_____rainbowz777: jackie pike thank you for feeding us holy shit

—

Renegade.com: We Need To Stop Pretending Race Isn’t A Factor In The Treatment of Shane Hollander
Posted January 15th, 2022
By Paul Mori

It’s been a few weeks since the MLH All-Star Game shit show ended in an abrupt Christmas Eve cancellation, and in the New Year most players seem content to move on from the topic altogether and get back to discussing the regular season. Indeed, just the other day Shane Hollander, the man (unwittingly) at the center of the scandal, brushed off a question about the All-Star Game and strongly suggested that he would answer no future questions about it.

Fair enough for Hollander – God knows he’s spent enough of this year plagued by stupid questions asked by stupid reporters, usually on the back of even stupider decisions by MLH leadership. His decision (alongside his husband, fellow MLH and Centaurs star Ilya Rozanov) to essentially vanish over the summer probably saved him from having to comment on the flood of mind-numbingly dumb thinkpieces that appeared in the wake of his very public outing and much less public wedding. But I work in Sports Journalism, which means I have both insurmountable student loan debt and a professional obligation to read all of those inane, stupid articles. I had to spend the summer listening to apparently serious, professional people wondering if somehow being gay made Hollander a worse hockey player (why would it?) or if his relationship would be distracting to other players (it shouldn’t be) or if he really threw the last game of the playoffs (he very obviously didn’t) or if MLH should institute a ban on PDA (ridiculous, and frankly prime for a lawsuit, no?).

In all of this, over the months, I have been waiting for someone else to point out what is so obvious to me – what is so obvious to my fellow colleagues of color. What we can all see that seemingly no one else can.

It’s always Hollander, Hollander, Hollander. Did Hollander cheat? Will Hollander be worse? Has Hollander ruined his reputation? No one, in the hubbub, seemed to care all that much about the other massive hockey star at the center of this.

I keep pointing this out to people in casual conversation. Why has no one asked if the relationship will make Rozanov a worse player? Why has no one gone deep in Rozanov’s old games to investigate him for cheating? In fact, Hollander has three Cups to Rozanov’s one: shouldn’t that mean it’s more likely Rozanov was throwing games, if anyone was?

I have heard, over the months, numerous excuses for this, several hypotheses. Some tell me it’s because Rozanov already had a reputation as a bad boy – a shocking, secret relationship was more in line with his image than with Hollander’s image. Others tell me it’s just because Montreal lost in the playoffs – if Ottawa had lost, or Rozanov had made a blunder like Hollander’s, we’d be talking about him instead. A case of bad luck. Further, some say it’s because Rozanov was on Ottawa when the story broke – by moving to a worse team he’d taken the focus off of himself. Hollander, meanwhile, was the crown jewel in one of hockey’s biggest legacies, leaving him open for additional scrutiny. Still more have suggested that some of this is Hollander's own doing – that he comes off as a cipher, a hockey robot whose only interest is the sport itself, and so it is shocking that he’d be involved in something as scandalous as this. Those people often point out that Hollander basically never used social media for personal reasons until his outing, posting only his brand deals and official things about his Cup wins and media appearances. (Since the outing, Hollander has been more active on Instagram, although his Twitter has remained dormant, and he recently admitted to not knowing what TikTok was in a post-game press interview.)

I hear all of these reasons. Some of them even sound close to the truth. But they all, I think, fail to address what I feel is the core of why we treat Shane Hollander differently than we treat Ilya Rozanov. Why, let’s face it, we have always treated Shane Hollander differently. Perhaps there’s a reason Hollander has always been a consummate professional on and off the ice – has always kept his back straight and his personal life largely private. Has always made sure to speak broadly of the team instead of his own personal successes. Rozanov went in front of cameras his rookie season to boldly state he’d score fifty goals – Hollander shirked that question and turned it back to the team dynamic and performance, the perfect hockey answer. He created an image of himself as The Golden Boy, as Canada’s hero, as the Captain every team wished they’d had.

Because anything else wouldn’t be acceptable for a player who isn’t white.

It is, simply, not enough for Shane Hollander to be arguably the greatest hockey player of his generation. He has to be that while also maintaining a spotless reputation lest, as we have seen, he be dragged through the mud. If Shane Hollander had dared to brag about scoring fifty goals, what would the press say about him? Arrogant. Selfish. Not a good team player. And while those things were said about Rozanov, of course, they were only said about Rozanov. No one ever suggested that Rozanov’s arrogance applied to all Russian hockey platers. But for Hollander those comments would trickle down. Shane Hollander is, simply, not just Shane Hollander – he is every Asian hockey player currently playing, and every single one to come. He is representative of a whole minority, whether he wants to be or not. And now, he’s representative of two.

Indeed, it seems much of MLH’s ire this season about this suddenly very public relationship has been directed towards Hollander. Anonymous hockey blogger Mr. Hockey, of the now-infamous Free Skate Hockey Blog, has posted several (unsubstantiated) stories alleging that Crowell has a specific grudge against Hollander. The grudge (again, I cannot stress enough, allegedly) goes back several seasons, when rumors that Hollander was gay first began circulating. Crowell (do I need to say allegedly again? Ed. note: Yes. Okay, allegedly!) apparently felt that Hollander’s coming out would be one openly queer star too many, and strongly implied that he should stay closeted or face consequences from the league.

Obviously, at the time, no one suspected Rozanov of even being queer – he’d long had a reputation of being a womanizer. So perhaps that’s the primary reason that Hollander seems to be at the center of this – he was the one who was (allegedly, allegedly, allegedly) warned, and who therefore should know better. But one would think that if MLH wanted to brush one half of this power couple under the rug, Rozanov would be the better choice for them. He’s the more controversial player – his antics on ice have made him hard to love among fellow players and the target of the ire of many fans. He’s also the more outspoken of the two, at least on social media, posting regularly about his relationship to his massive following. Plus, he’s frankly less decorated than Hollander – while they’re nearly tied in most stats and in many awards, Hollander has two more Cups to his name, and played for the legacy team for longer, while Rozanov missed playoffs until last year as the Centaurs rebuilt around him.

Granted, Rozanov seems like a hard person to sweep under the rug. One can imagine trying and having him come back twice as loud as ever. But I can’t help but wonder how much of this is Rozanov getting away with something Hollander couldn’t, the way that white people so often can get away with things that people of color can’t.

Indeed, how many thinkpieces have we read over the years about J.J Boiziau and Carter Vaughn’s alleged “aggression” on the ice compared to, say, Boston’s old defender and brick wall Cliff Marleau, or even Ryan Price? How often have we heard interviewers imply that the English of Los Angeles player Antony Ramirez is “shockingly” good, despite Ramirez having moved to the US when he was three years old? A few years ago, while covering the All-Star Game, an old colleague offhandedly told me Hollander had an unfair advantage because he was “genetically” smarter than most other players – the model minority myth said straight to my face with no irony whatsoever. Players of color – the few and far between that there are – are faced with this extra scrutiny constantly. Hollander, for many years, lived up to the model minority ideal. He was, in fact, twice as good as everyone else (if you don’t count Rozanov). He had farther to fall when the story broke, and it was easier for fans to turn on him – for the things that he’d been praised for to become marks against him (#hockeyrobot trended on Twitter after the outing, as fans speculated on Hollander and Rozanov’s sex lives, implied that Hollander was incapable of emotional and sexual feeling, and repeated malicious racial stereotypes about the endowment and sexual abilities of Asian men).

The reality here is that we have always treated Shane Hollander differently. Hockey is an overwhelmingly white sport. And we, overwhelmingly, treat people of color talking about the lived realities of their lives as political. The same politics Crowell (ALLEGEDLY!) hates so much. If Shane Hollander can be open about the homophobia he’s endured, maybe, eventually, he’ll start talking about the racism, too. That, it seems, would be very bad for Crowell. Hollander as arguably the greatest hockey player of all time is one thing – Hollander as a hockey player who stands for something? That’s another beast altogether.

—

TWITTER

Trending Sports Hashtags

#hockeyrobot

#SorryShane

#MLHRacism

#ShutUpAndSkate

@AntonyRamirezLA: Great article in @RenegadeSports today about the reality of race for a lot of hockey players. As the only Latino in my kiddie league, I dealt with a lot of a shit as a kid. Stuff that almost put me off of the sport. I’m sure Hollander did too. It can’t be easy adding homophobia on top of that. I feel so lucky to play for @LAEmperors, who are a super supportive team. Really wish @MLH or @RogerCrowellMLH would come out and address some of this stuff. #MLHRacism

@CarterVaughnHockey: Cannot tell you how many times I had reporters/coaches/other players call me “loud” on the ice. Or implied I had a lower hockey IQ than my white teammates with worse stat lines. Or used the word “swag” in a way that made me want to die. Or sang the n-word in a song and then laughed it off. And I cannot tell you how often me and other players of color have just smiled and nodded because calling it out would make us “difficult.” #MLHRacism

@IlyaRozanov81: Shane is not really on Twitter but he told me I could say this is a good conversation we should have had sooner. When people thought I hated Shane they would say very vile shit to me as “jokes” about him because they thought I would like it. Then I would punch them in the face on the ice. Shane did not approve me saying that last part btw.

@paddyjenks: @IlyaRozanov81 wait is that why you fucked Dallas Kent up that one time bro
@IlyaRozanov81: @paddyjenks a gentleman does not beat the shit of a loser homophobe rapist piece of garbage and tell 😜
@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: @ilyarozanov81 1. Stop implying that I have to approve your Tweets. 2. Stop posting stuff like this!!!
@ilyarozanov81: @shanehollanderhockeyplayer sweetheart i’m getting mixed messages here

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: I’m obviously not very active on here, but glad to see #MLHRacism is trending. I spent a long time avoiding questions about my race. Partly because I’m half-white – was I the best person to be leading those talks? But also, partly, because I was scared. Sacred to be too vocal. Scared to be difficult. Scared to say the wrong thing, and screw it up for everyone else. (1/4)

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: Players of color know that their lives are bigger than themselves. It was never just me out there on the ice. I was representative of many people, and I had to be a role model for that reason. #MLHRacism (2/4)
@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: I don’t think I’d be a different player if I was white. But I’d have a different story. And I believe @PaulMori is right, and I’d be treated differently by the league and fans. #MLHRacism (3/4)
@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: I don’t necessarily expect the league to make sweeping changes here. But at a certain point, in 2022, we should be wondering why our league is still so white. Are we open to everyone? Are we inclusive? Are kids from all walks of life getting the chance to play hockey? And if the answer is “no,” what can MLH do to fix this issue? #MLHRacism (4/4)

@marquishamilton99: are we actually having a conversation about race in hockey right now? holy fuckin shit i literally never thought id see the day #mlhracism

@dave_hunts: I’m so sick of watching millionaires complain about how hard their lives are. #ShutUpAndSkate – it’s your job, stop pretending your lives are hard!

—

MLH: OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM MAJOR LEAGUE HOCKEY COMMISSIONER ROGER CROWELL
Posted January 19th, 2022

I wanted to address the trending Twitter hashtag #MLHRacism, and the statements made by several MLH Players over the past few days. Major League Hockey absolutely condemns racism in all forms. We applaud our players of color for their dedication to the sport and their teams. Our code of conduct strictly bans any racist behavior. Any player found to have engaged in racist behavior on or off the ice is subject to fines and suspension.

As Commissioner, I have made it my goal to make MLH a bigger, better, more inclusive league. To players and fans alike, I want to say: you are welcome here, at hockey games, regardless of race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. To players – if you are experiencing harassment in your workplace, we encourage you to tell team staff so it will be dealt with swiftly.

I look forward to another amazing season of Major League Hockey. Let’s get back out on the ice.

– Roger Crowell

—

TRANSCRIPT: The Shootout with Cheryl Yamata on ESPN
Date: January 20th, 2022

[THEME MUSIC. TITLE CARD.]

[CUT TO: Cheryl Yamata sitting behind a large desk. She is wearing a crisp, light pink suit jacket and a white shirt.]

Cheryl Yamata: Hi everyone, and welcome to The Shootout – I’m Cheryl Yamata. Tonight, we start with the trending Twitter hashtag MLHRacism and Commissioner Roger Crowell’s statement on the matter. Over the past couple of days, major stars in Major League Hockey have spoken about their personal experiences with racism and microaggressions, including Olympic Gold Medalist Carter Vaughn, former Rookie of the Year Antony Ramirez, and multi-Cup winner Shane Hollander. In response to criticism from players and fans that MLH has not done enough to address league-wide systematic issues with racism, Roger Crowell released a statement where he encouraged players to report incidents to the upper management of their teams as they happen.

Folks, I don’t have to tell you how utterly ridiculous this is. In fact, I’ll let Carter Vaughn tell you.

[CUT TO: Footage of a post game interview with Carter Vaughn. He is sweaty and wearing athletic gear.]

Carter Vaughn: [scoffing] That statement was garbage. Firstly, so much of racism is implicit, right? It’s like – people aren’t usually calling you the n-word at work anymore, but they’re making jokes that are uncomfortable, they’re testing you. They’re seeing what your limits are, how much you’ll take before you complain. And when you call that out, you become the problem. You’re the difficult one. You’re the one who can’t take a joke. Plus, team staff is also white, usually. It’s an old boys club of guys who look like Roger Crowell, who don’t think racism is a problem, who think all of us complaining about it are being whiny and that woke has gone too far, or whatever. And the truth is, guys like me and Hollander, we can talk about it because we’re established. We’ve proven ourselves. But what about rookies? Rookies come onto teams, they complain that the old guys are giving them [censored], they’re shuttled down to the minors for not being “team players.” So that’s why we grin and bear it. And I think Crowell is smart enough to know that.

[CUT BACK TO Cheryl Yamata]

Cheryl Yamata: Indeed, Crowell’s statement is being widely ridiculed as essentially meaningless. Given how little he’s had to say on homophobia in the league in this past year, that’s not surprising.

It should come as no shock to anyone watching the show that I, myself, am not white. As a woman in sports journalism, I was already an anomaly. As an Asian woman, more so. As an Asian woman in hockey? Forget about it. I cannot tell you how many people suggested I should focus on figure skating instead – that it was a “more appropriate” interest for me. Or, at least, if I insisted on hockey, I should focus on women’s hockey. I sit here with the only female-led hockey show on sports TV right now because I, like Carter Vaughn, and Shane Hollander, and Antony Ramirez, and J.J. Boiziau – I learned to grin and bear it and push through. I learned what battles to pick. I learned what comments I had to let roll off my back because the person saying them was too important for me to fight with, and then I had to actually find a way to let them roll off my back. To swallow all my anger.

But that’s not how it should be. Kids shouldn’t have to endure racism to make it through to the other side, where maybe they’re famous enough that it slows down. They should be able to pursue what they want without being made to feel smaller for it. And Shane Hollander is right – as he said on Twitter, some of that responsibility falls on MLH. His foundation, the Irina Foundation, hosts hockey camps open to people of all backgrounds. When I was invited a few years ago to observe for a story, I was impressed at how diverse the camps were. Not just in the students, but in the counselors as well – hockey players from all walks of life, including openly trans player Max Riley, were included on the teaching roster. And the kids I spoke to noticed – they saw themselves in the Irina Foundation, and it grew their love of hockey even more.

All of this comes in the middle of what can only be described as a particularly bad year for Roger Crowell. Rumors persist that he’s holding a grudge against Shane Hollander. The All-Star Game debacle was a mess he has yet to recover from. And now, this. I’m not saying that Roger Crowell has anything personal against any player. But it seems like he’s simply not the man for the job at this moment.

Hockey is changing. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov have ensured that – as have Scott Hunter, Antony Ramirez, Carter Vaughn, J.J. Boiziau, Zane Boodram, Sanjay Singh, Spencer Whitewolf, Troy Barrett, Ryan Price, Eric Bennett – I could go on. It’s time for MLH to meet the players and the fans where they are – the future – and stop living in the past.

—

Renegade.com: Shane Hollander On #MLHRacism Backlash Hashtag #ShutUpAndSkate – “Stupidest Fucking Thing I’ve Ever Heard”

COMMENTS on Renegade.com

Longlostamericana: Shane Hollander, the most Media Trained Man Alive, breaking years of conditioning just to call racists “fucking stupid” is the best thing I have ever experienced

—

TWITTER

@OttawaCentaurs: Join us for Pride Night on January 28th! First 8,000 fans get an exclusive Hollanov Pride Jersey!

@CentaursGirlie1995: @OttawaCentaurs gayest night of the year with the gayest team in the league wearing the gay marriage jersey we really do keep winning

@CentaursGirlie1995: not to speak of the m*tros on main but i just realized their pride jersey this year is the like the saddest little rainbow patch wtf

@ilyasgirl814ever: @CentaursGirlie1995 i’d say a bunch of us should go in our hollanov jerseys but i don’t wanna give the org money
@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 yeah it’s such a bummer but tbh after hearing how the locker room treated shane a real pride night would maybe feel worse? like hypocritical idk 😕

@petey__12__12: bro like i guess ottawa and new york having pride nights makes sense but why does any other team do this shit smh they don’t got gay players

@littlelessconversationplz: @petey__12__12 baby gay people also watch the games

—

YOUTUBE

OTTAWA CENTAURS PRIDE NIGHT KISS CAM!!!!

[Description: The Ottawa Centaurs game on Pride Night. The stadium is packed. The words KISS CAM flash on the jumbotron as Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons’ “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” begins playing.

The camera cuts to two women, one with bright pink hair tied into a ponytail and the other with long brown hair around her shoulders. Both are wearing rainbow Centaurs jerseys with 81 on one shoulder and 24 on the other. They peck their lips together happily.

The camera continues to cut to couples – most are visibly queer or wearing pride gear of some sort. One woman holds a sign reading WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER, WE LOVE HOCKEY. Each couple kisses to the roaring approval of the crowd.

Finally, the camera cuts to the Ottawa Centaurs bench. Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander are sitting next to each other. Shane is watching the jumbotron; Ilya is watching Shane. An expression of surprise crosses Shane’s face. Ilya looks up at the jumbotron and realizes they are on the kiss cam. The crowd screams loudly. Shane and Ilya share a brief look before Ilya leans forward and kisses Shane, a hand hooked under his chin. It’s a good kiss. Passionate. Like a movie kiss. There’s definitely tongue involved. The crowd is going completely insane – they’ve broken into a chant of “HOLL-A-NOV! HOLL-A-NOV!”

Shane and Ilya pull away. Ilya looks absolutely dumb struck. Shane is smirking.

The video ends.]

COMMENTS:

@annyruok: can a video get you pregnant holy shit

@hotties4hollander: Everyone always calls Shane boring but my boy is a FREAK!!! He definitely brought tongue into that first!!!

@CentaursGirlie1995: see why would you want to take the gay stuff away from hockey when it produces the most beautiful kiss ever witnessed by man AND an almost certain hockey dynasty?? come on now

@harrisonboredgeron: Fucking nasty. Doing this shit in front of kids? On TV? Shameful. MLH should ban these perverts.

@CentaursGirlie1995: @harrisonboredgeron hey buddy this happened during a tv commercial so it actually didn’t air on tv! you however have appeared to deliberately have sought the video out to comment on it. do you wanna think about what that maybe means about you that you’re googling “men kissing” so furiously?
@harrisonboredgeron: @CentaursGirlie1995 fuck you bitch
@CentaursGirlie1995: @harrisonboredgeron awwwww my feelings 😢 they’re hurt 😢
@hotties4hollander: @CentaursGirlie1995 You rage baited him so hard he forgot to use proper punctuation LOL

—

Free Skate Hockey Blog: RUMOR: Commissioner Crowell Considering A Permanent Roll Back on Pride Nights, Ban on Pride Tape

—

MLH: OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM COMMISSIONER ROGER CROWELL ON PRIDE NIGHTS
Posted February 1st, 2022

I want to address some false and malicious rumors about MLH Pride Nights. I must state, clearly and for the record, that there is no plan to eliminate Pride Nights. Teams make the individual decision whether or not to host special events or theme nights at their stadiums; this has always been the case and will always be the case.

A few years ago, the old commissioner made Pride Nights mandatory for all teams in the league, and required teams to create specialty jerseys for Pride Nights. After several months of productive conversations with teams in smaller markets, we decided to roll back this mandate over the summer. The reason for this rollback had nothing to do with MLH’s commitment to Pride, or to diversity both on and off the ice. It was, rather, a financial decision. The creation of specialty jerseys carries a high financial burden on teams, not all of whom can afford it. Our intention with this rollback was to alleviate the financial pressure on those teams, while still allowing teams who wished to create jerseys for their Pride Nights to celebrate as they see fit. I recognize, now, that the timing of this rollback was unfortunate, but these wheels were in motion for a long time, and had nothing to do with any events that happened over the course of the last season.

Similarly, we had conversations over the summer about whether or not pride tape was an unfair advantage or disadvantage on the ice. After much discussion, our President of Hockey Operations, Frank Steele, determined that use of pride tape was in line with our current rulebook. For that reason, we have no plans to ban pride tape on sticks at this point.

MLH has always believed that teams are, ultimately, the best people to decide what their markets need. Not every team feels a Pride Night is necessary; similarly, not every team celebrates St. Patrick’s Day. Every fanbase is different, and we believe that the teams know best what their fanbases will react to and wish to celebrate.

I understand that this is a historic season of Major League Hockey for a number of reasons. I also understand that the unprecedented nature of this season has caused some fans to question the nature of decisions made by the MLH front office. I want to assure you that we are operating as normal, and that we are continually dedicated to one thing and one thing only: giving fans the best season of hockey possible.

– Roger Crowell

—

TWITTER

@rajskatez: did bro seriously compare being gay to being irish or am i misreading the fuck outta this

@MontrealMeg: an entire statement about hollander and rozanov that never once says their names you gotta be KIDDING meeeeeeeee

@CentaursGirlie1995: @MontrealMeg he’s bending over BACKWARDS to not mention them! “unprecedented season” uh yeah baby WHY DO YOU THINK!!!!!!

@pierrelaurent: did they publish this because of mr. hockey bc if so that’s the funniest thing i read all day

—

The Slice: Just Who Is Mr. Hockey?
Posted: February 10th, 2022
By Alyssa Munroe

If you follow hockey at all, chances are you might have heard of the Free Skate Hockey Blog. Prior to this season, it was a largely underground publication followed only by true hockey die-hards. While most agreed it often had good scoops early, it simply never broke through to the mainstream.

Then this season happened, and everything changed.

Most of this season of Major League Hockey has centered on one story: the marriage of teammates (and ex-rivals) Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. Free Skate Hockey Blog has been posting all season about apparent discord between Hollander-and-Rozanov and Roger Crowell, the Commissioner of the league. While the first stories seemed like unprovable muckraking – secret meetings where Crowell urged Hollander not to come out, Crowell considering a suspension for Hollander, things like that – as the season has gone on more and more of Mr. Hockey’s “Free Skate Exclusives” have turned out to be true. He called both the All-Star Game rule change and the cancellation of the game before either were officially announced.

But recently, in perhaps the worst case of Streisand Effect ever, Mr. Hockey has gone mega viral thanks to none other than Roger Crowell himself. After a video of Hollander and Rozanov kissing during Ottawa’s Pride Night game went viral, Mr. Hockey reported that Crowell was considering permanently ending Pride Nights in MLH. Crowell then issued a statement denying this while very deliberately not mentioning Hollander or Rozanov whatsoever. He did, however, refer to the post as a “malicious rumor” – accidentally sending millions of fans searching for the rumor’s source.

That denial has led to a surge of clicks onto Free Skate Hockey Blog, with many pointing out that Mr. Hockey has been correct about a number of things ahead of the curve even prior to his memetic success this season. He accurately reported on Troy Barrett’s trade to Ottawa after discord in the Toronto locker room; he’d heard rumors about Dallas Kent’s off-ice behavior before official accusations were leveled; he accurately called that Hollander and Rozanov would be benched after their outing, and when the benching would end.

Now all the hockey world can talk about is Free Skate Hockey Blog, and we’re all asking – just who is Mr. Hockey?

Readers of the blog have long speculated that Mr. Hockey has an inside source inside the MLH front office who leaks stories to him. Indeed, several anonymous staffers at MLH revealed to The Slice that Crowell has opened an investigation in his office to discover the leaker. But beyond this, the identity of hockey’s favorite blogger remains a mystery. Mr. Hockey has never pledged allegiance to a single team, or divulged anything about his personal life. He’s never alluded to where he lives, although the spelling of his blogs suggests that he’s an American and not a Canadian.

We asked several hockey insiders for their take, all of whom only agreed to speak off the record. None of them, however, had anything concrete to offer. While most seem to agree that Crowell’s instinct about a leaker inside his office is correct, few believe Mr. Hockey himself is working inside MLH. “It’d be a massive, massive risk to do something like that,” an insider said. “You’re not just risking getting fired, you’re risking getting sued.”

Another insider suggested that the leaker is likely someone with an “agenda” that does not align with Crowell’s own – meaning, someone who supports a more politically outspoken league and feels the need to push back against Crowell’s alleged desires to silence players. He didn’t go so far as to suggest that Mr. Hockey has the same agenda, however. “I think it’s likely he’s just looking for hits on his blogs and knows that this is information no one else is getting. It’s why people thought it was made up for so long – he has nothing to back it up, no journalistic sources. And by staying anonymous he can, in theory, avoid a potential lawsuit from MLH.”

One thing all the insiders could agree on, though? That Free Skate Hockey Blog will only grow from here. “Certainly it’s going to get riskier for whoever his source is,” one said, “but at this point he could pull back and post more general rumors and still likely get clicks from people waiting for the next big one.” And what will the next big one be? “Well, the Centaurs seem extremely likely to make the playoffs at this point. We’ll see what Hollander and Rozanov do, but if it’s something Roger doesn’t like – I don’t know. There might be something brewing.”

—

The Athletic: MLH Player’s Poll: Best Player? How’s Roger Crowell Doing? Thoughts on the All-Star Game? Most Punchable Player?
Posted February 28th, 2022
By The Staff of the Athletic

We return with another iteration of our MLH Player’s Poll! This year we had a number of big topics to tackle – with the emergence of #MLHRacism, the leadership abilities of Roger Crowell, and the league’s first married couple all taking up big space in the news.

This year, 136 players participated, although not every player answered every question.

Who’s The Best Player In the League?:

Shane Hollander – 45% of votes
Ilya Rozanov – 41% of votes
Zack Bennett – 10% of votes
Scott Hunter – 2% of votes
Other Various Players – 2% of votes

Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov have regularly topped our “best player” polls over the years, so it’s not shocking that they’re here again. It is, however, apparently quite annoying for everyone else that they’re now on the same team. Some choice quotes:

“It was hard enough dealing with Hollander one night and Rozanov a few nights later. Dealing with them together makes me want to die.”

“I rate Rozanov a bit above Hollander right now, although I don’t know if the stats back that up. It’s just a vibe. He’s having an amazing year. You can tell he’s having a lot of fun, and you can tell his team is having a lot of fun with him. I find that really impressive from a leadership standpoint.”

“Obviously no one has a higher hockey IQ than Hollander. He’s always had that going for him. But this year he’s turned something up to eleven. Not sure if it’s because he thinks he has something to prove after the Montreal thing or if it’s just Rozanov’s effect on him. Either way it’s annoying as hell.”

It wasn’t all Hollander and Rozanov though – Miami’s Zack Bennett and New York’s Scott Hunter got some shout outs too.

“Hunter is probably nearing the end of his career, but you can’t really tell when you play him. He’s still next level.”

“Bennett is ruthless. If Miami gave him some good wings they’d probably be in Cup contention more.”

Do You Think Roger Crowell Is Doing Well As Commissioner?:

Yes – 5%
No – 95%

Our most politely passed on question surrounded MLH’s controversial Commissioner. Only 45 players answered this one, greatly skewing our results, but those who spoke mostly had nothing nice to say.

“He just bungled that racism conversation so badly. I’m not saying I would have known how to handle it either, but it’s not my job, you know? It really made it look like he doesn’t care about the players at all.”

“I’m not sure if the rumors about him having a grudge against Hollander are true, but if they are, it's a bad look. It’s hard to trust a guy who apparently openly hates one of us, is all I’m saying.”

“At this point, he’s so distracting to the game itself. You see fans in the stands with FIRE CROWELL signs. It’s wild. I’ve never heard of anyone caring about the commissioner like, at all, so it’s crazy that he’s so hated.”

“He is the dumbest man alive.”

It wasn’t all negative, though. A few players stuck up for the beleaguered leader.

“He’s getting a lot of flak for stuff that isn’t really his fault. You expect him to what, stop racism? He’s a suit, not God.”

“This whole year has been marred by the Hollander/Rozanov drama. Crowell is trying to get us back to what we should be focusing on, which is hockey. But those guys want to make it a season of Love Island, or whatever. He’s right about them, and I think it’s bold of him to be saying it. In a few years everyone will realize he’s right, and that they really distracted from the sport.”

Were You Upset the All-Star Game Was Cancelled?

Yes – 49%
No – 51%

Another mark on Crowell’s awkward record this year was the abrupt cancellation of the All-Star Game after controversy over a last minute rule change caused a number of stars to decline to attend. Players were fairly split on if they were upset about the change or not, and why they were upset. Some quotes:

“The All-Star Game break is nice, but the game itself doesn’t really matter. It’s just another weekend for ad revenue. I didn’t miss it.”

“It was annoying it got cancelled, but I put that all on MLH. If they wanted to change the rules they just should have announced it over the summer.”

“[Crowell] can claim it was for fairness all he wants, but it was pretty transparently to stop a Hollander-Rozanov face-off. Which, look, I spent years having to deal with the All-Star Game being entirely about those guys. Now it can’t be about them at all? It was confusing, man.”

“I mean, I wasn’t gonna go anyway, so who gives a [censored]?”

Who Is the Most Punchable Player?:

Gilbert Comeau – 35%
Jean-Claude Cardot – 25%
Mark Strong – 15%
Ilya Rozanov – 12%
Eric Paulsen – 7%
Viktor Hodža – 6%

That two players from the Metros have made this list after years of never being featured might be a surprise, but it tracks with the deeply uneven season the team has had following the departure of former captain Shane Hollander. The alleged discord in the locker room has, apparently, bled out onto the ice in a big way.

“I’m not sure what crawled up his ass and died, but Comeau has gotten awful. He just never shuts up. And he has nothing to back it up either – just talk and talk and talk.”

“Comeau and Cardot are a miserable little duo. They think it’s chirping but it’s so weird and personal. I’ve heard them mention guys’ wives by name and like, rank how hot they are. Super sexist and creepy. And, of course, they’ve both gotten really intensely homophobic. So many slurs on the ice. I just don’t get it.”

“Not sure if Hollander just kept the worst personalities on that team on a leash, but they’re both really insufferable now. The whole team is sort of a storm cloud – very negative all around. I don’t know anyone who looks forward to playing against them, which is such a shift from the last few years.”

“As a rule, I don’t really punch anyone. I would punch Comeau though. I wouldn’t even feel bad. A broken nose might actually improve his ugly face.”

Dallas Galaxy player Mark Strong came up next on the list. This is his third year in the top, although he notably dropped with the inclusion of Comeau and Cardot.

“Strong just has a very punchable face. Every time I see it I want to punch it. Even if he hasn’t said anything. Genetically punchable man.”

“Honestly, Strong is less annoying this year because he’s playing a bit better. He was the worst when he’d chirp like that and, like, not even help his team score. Like, stop talking man, play the game!”

“Strong is just a jerk. Learning he was homophobic over the summer wasn’t surprising. It really made him even more punchable, when you think about it.”

In perhaps the most shocking result, perennial list topper Ilya Rozanov dropped to a measly 12% this season. Has the player regularly called “a menace” and “least sportsmanlike” in the league turned over a new leaf now that he’s married?

“I actually think Roz is as punchable as ever. But I really like Hollander. So I think I want to punch Roz less because I know it will upset Shane. That’s insane, right?”

“Rozanov is still Rozanov. Marriage hasn’t changed him. People just aren’t saying him because other people have gotten more annoying – not because he’s gotten any less.”

“The answer is definitely Rozanov. Wait. Is that homophobic? I wanted to punch him even before he was gay, for the record. It has nothing to do with the gay thing. Bisexual thing. Whatever.”

Chapter End Notes

i remember chicago is mentioned a bunch in the ryan price book but tragically not if they ever get a team name so i have made them the hawks here, lol. i've also decided they can have a new less shitty captain as a treat (i am a chicago hockey fan i get to make these rules). similarly i can't remember if the books established how long crowell has been commissioner -- the actual NHL has had only one commissioner (it was a league president prior to that) but i thought it was more interesting to make crowell the new guy, idk. that might not be canon and i fully admit to that here in front of all you fine people.

as i said in the first fic in this series this is 1000% not how the all-star game works but i find it funny to follow the track of the 2021-2022 NHL season which did have an actual cancelled all-star game (due to covid, which doesn't exist in this world as far as i can tell from the books lol). covid also stopped NHL player participation in the olympics, which is why they don't happen here. it's also worth noting pride nights have never been mandatory in the NHL. there was a time when all teams did pride nights, and many wore rainbow themed jerseys or used pride tape, but the NHL in 2023 banned both. they did recently unban the tape. it's a whole fucking thing!

you get to be privy to two headcanons i have here: ilya uses emojis except the frowny face because :( is simply much more evocative than any emoji will ever be; shane started using instagram more after discovering ilya had been using his as a cryptic love declaration, but his primary goal in using it more is to, in fact, be better than ilya at being on instagram. he's not winning thus far.

Chapter 3: Playoffs

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Ottawa Sun: Centaurs Clinch Playoff Berth With Win 1-0 Against Chicago
By Paul Monroe
Posted March 27th, 2022

CHICAGO – The Ottawa Centaurs are heading back to the playoffs for the second year in a row after shutting out the Chicago Hawks 1-0 at the Frontier Center.

Goalie Wyatt Hayes was the hero of the night, stopping an impressive 37 shots on goal – twelve more than the Centaurs had across the game. The Centaurs’ sole goal was scored by Captain Ilya Rozanov on a power play, assisted by Shane Hollander and Luca Haas, after Hawks defenseman Jony Nilsson was called for holding Troy Barrett. Post-game, Rozanov deflected praise for his goal back to Hayes, saying “the game would not have gone our way if Hazy hadn’t been in the net.”

The Centaurs locker room was celebratory post game, but Hollander said the team remains focused on the future. “Obviously it’s great to clinch playoffs already, but we’re determined to be the top team in the Atlantic division. And we’re determined to have a deep run in the playoffs.”

Currently, the Centaurs are on top of the Atlantic Division, although it’s a tight race between them and the Boston Raiders in second. The Detroit Autos sit further back in third. The Centaurs face the Raiders on March 31st, in what is sure to be a key game as the regular season begins to wind down.

Struggling in this year's playoff race? Both the Montreal Metros and Toronto Guardians, currently sitting at 5th and 6th in the division, respectively. The Guardians have faced a difficult season of rebuilding since their star center Dallas Kent was arrested for sexual assault last year. The Metros, meanwhile, have struggled to put together a new team identity after losing Hollander at the end of last season. Rumors of discord in the locker room, including players actively seeking trades, have plagued Montreal all season. While neither team is officially out of playoff contention as of yet, both have large hills to climb if they want to see the bracket, with their most likely option being a wild card slot. Both would need to have excellent runs as the season winds down – and would need to hope for other teams to falter in that same spread of games. For the Metros, this would be the first playoffs they’ve missed since the 2009-2010 season – coincidentally the year they drafted Hollander.

When asked, Hollander deflected questions on the Metros performance. “I’d prefer to talk about my current team, if that’s alright,” he said.

Rozanov, however, had no qualms about discussing the Metros. “They are weak in the center, now,” he said. “Hard to make playoffs without your best player, I guess.”

The Centaurs play next in Philadelphia on the 29th, then in Boston, before heading back home to take on the Admirals at the start of next month.

—

TWITTER

@CentaursGirlie1995: i’m sorry but ilya taking every possible moment to shit on the metros for not re signing shane is sooooooo funny

@ilyasgirl814ever: THREAD: Comparing photos of Ilya during the Centaurs season last year and this year. You can really see that he is so much happier now that he’s on the same team with his husband. (1/28)

@GraceMadsenMTL: The Metros are approaching a critical junction in the season as Detroit and Boston edge towards clinching playoffs. Every game from now on is a must-win. But sources tell me the locker room is fractured beyond repair, and that the owners are losing faith in Coach Theriault. My story here: bit.ly/mtls09022snsg

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @TROITOI
Posted April 1st, 2022

[Description: A poorly lit but recognizable shot of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov outside a Boston nightclub, late at night. Both look slightly drunk. Shane is wearing dark jeans and a tight-fitting black t-shirt; Ilya is wearing dark jeans and red silk button down, half-way unbuttoned. Ilya has an arm around Shane’s waist; Shane is whispering something in his year. Ilya is grinning widely.]

Caption: SPOTTED! Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander leave Boston-area nightclub days after clinching playoff berth. A celebration, perhaps?

COMMENTS:

@jordanabananafofanana: Ilya Rozanov Please Button Your Shirt Up. It Is 9 In the Morning And I Am Trying To Work. I Beg Of You.

@ilyarozanov81: sorry to your boss. will write you sick note
@jordanabananafofanana: OH MY GOD????????????

@percyjacksonstan: Okay I saw a post on Twitter the other day about how much happier Ilya looks this season and now I can’t stop seeing it? Like he’s CHEESING here. He truly loves this man.

@ilyarozanov81: yes. my soulmate. makes my life better.
@percyjacksonstan: Captain Ilya please don’t make me cry this early in the morning

Post by @shanehollanderhockeyplayer
Posted April 2nd, 2022

[Description: Photo 1: A picture of Ilya Rozanov on a dock by a lake at sunset, in side profile.

Photo 2: Ilya with Anya, curled together on the couch.

Photo 3: A professional shot of Ilya celebrating a goal in a Centaurs game, hands raised in triumph.

Photo 4: A selfie of Shane and Ilya on an airplane; Ilya is asleep on Shane’s shoulder.

Photo 5: A professional photo of Shane and Ilya dancing at their wedding. Both are smiling softly.]

Caption: You’re my soulmate too, obviously. @ilyarozanov81

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanov81: Я люблю тебя больше жизни. Я люблю тебя во всех вселенных, навсегда.

@ilyarozanovupdates: google translate has informed me this says “I love you more than life itself. I love you in all universes, forever” so please excuse me while i sob on the floor about never finding love ever

@TroyBarrettHockey: I might actually vomit

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Wow. Homophobic, Troy.
@TroyBarrettHockey: I MEANT FROM CUTENESS! SHANE I AM ALSO GAY
@HarrisCentaurs: Omg Shane LOL
@TroyBarrettHockey: Babe please stop teaching him how to be good at the internet we don’t need two of them like this
@ilyarozanov81: yes you do ❤️

—

TWITTER

@ManintheCreasePod: NEW EPISODE: We chat with Roger Crowell about the upcoming playoffs, potential expansion cities, and more!

@rajskatez: @ManintheCreasePod so you guys got actual roger crowell on the pod and didn’t ask him one question about #mlhracism or the rumors he’s got beef with hollander? what the hell

@MikePortSports: Crowell on Man In The Crease answered just one question about the All-Star Game, claiming issues with the plumbing in San Jose caused the cancellation. Notably, San Jose cancelled no games prior to or post the All-Star Game period and no construction was reported at the venue.

@MikePortSports: Man In The Crease is obviously more entertainment than journalism, but odd that they didn’t push the issue here. It seems like a very transparent lie. At the very least, shouldn’t every hockey “news” source be looking for honesty from the front office?

@CentaursGirlie1995: feeling vindicated that i’ve hated man in the crease since 2012

@brooklynbex: @CentaursGirlie1995 i’ve hated them since they started random beef with scott hunter years ago but this is a new low

@CherylYamataESPN: Worth noting my team has asked Crowell for an interview several times and gotten no response. I suppose it’s at least in part because I wouldn’t have agreed to make it a puff piece.

@NateWhatThePuck: Crowell man come on our pod I promise we’ll be nice

@marquishamilton99: @natewhatthepuck last week you called crowell a “bitch ass loser”
@NateWhatThePuck: @marquishamilton99 shhhhhhhhhhhh

—

Montreal Times: Metros to Miss Playoffs For First Season In Over Ten Years
By Grace Madsen
Posted April 10th, 2022

With a win over Tampa Bay last night, Columbus officially clinched the second wild card position in the Eastern Conference. With that, the Metros hopes of another year of playoffs have been officially dashed.

The Metros have had scrappy years before, but it’s been over a decade since they missed playoffs altogether. The last time the Metros weren’t present in the postseason was the 2009-2010 season. Notably, that was also the last season prior to this one that they played without Shane Hollander.

Over the summer many in Montreal, including key members of the Metros organization, were adamant that not re-signing Shane Hollander was the right move for the team. Now some are questioning if that was the correct decision after all.

The Metros had a slow start to the season, with a string of losses that included a disastrous bench-clearing brawl with the Ottawa Centaurs. Following that game, they rebounded slightly, but they never quite got their footing – their longest win streak across the whole season was only three games. They also ended the season with the lowest amount of shut-outs in five years, and the highest points allowed in ten, thanks in part to a notably flagging performance by starting goalie Patrice Drapeau in the second half of the season.

Metros Coach Jacques Theriault described the results as “disappointing” but stated he believed the team would recover next season. “It was always going to be a bit of a rebuilding season with a new first line center, with a new captain. It was a slower rebuild than we would have liked, but that’s not shocking.”

This is a notable change of tone from Theriault, who spent much of the preseason claiming that the team would be better without Hollander on it, and wouldn’t need rebuilding at all. When asked for clarification on his statements and why they differ from his point of view earlier in the season, he declined to comment. When asked for more specificity on how the team planned to rebuild, he indicated he was standing behind Drapeau as the starting goalie, and that the team was hoping to acquire a strong center in the upcoming draft class.

Meanwhile, sources inside the Metros organization tell me that ownership is extremely upset with the results. “Theriault told them Hollander was a distraction and needed to go, and they believed him. Now Hollander is in the playoffs with another team, and the Metros aren’t going at all. They’re mad they placed their trust in Theriault. That trust is really gone now.” Indeed, rumors have been brewing that the Metros plan to make an offer over the summer to reacquire Hollander from Ottawa. As one Metros insider said to me, “they want him back. The fans want him back. People are wearing his jersey to the stadium again, people are holding up signs that say BRING SHANE BACK. #SorryShane trended on Twitter three, four times this year. It’s been a total sea change. Very much you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.”

Of course, the odds that Hollander would return to Montreal seem low, particularly if Ottawa makes a deep playoff run this year. Hollander signed a multi-year contract with the Centaurs; while he took a pay cut to remain under salary cap, it seems unlikely that money would be enough to sway him back to the Metros. A different source informed me “there’s no way [Hollander] wants back in this city. He’s got a good thing going in Ottawa now. They’re favorites to win the Cup. It doesn’t make sense to go backwards.” On top of that, it seems unlikely that Montreal has any players Ottawa would consider more valuable than Hollander, making trade options slim.

The Metros will have to hope for a good pull in this year’s draft lottery, while fans watch the remainder of the playoffs from their couches. The last Metros home game of the year will be against Boston on April 17th; their last game overall will be in Toronto on the 21st.

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @shanehollanderhockeyplayer
Posted April 11th, 2022

[Description: Photo 1: A group picture of the Centaurs. All are in practice jerseys, with no helmets, standing on the ice. It’s clearly an outtake of a more formal team photo – several of the guys are making ridiculous faces. In the middle stand Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander. Ilya has an arm around Shane’s shoulder. Neither are looking at the camera – they are looking at each other, smiling.

Photo 2: A shot of Yuna and David Hollander and Ilya sitting together around a table in a backyard.

Photo 3: A candid photo of Ilya cooking something in a large pot, wearing a black tank top and sweats.

All photos are geotagged “Ottawa, Ontario”]

Caption: Home.

—

PuckingAround.com: Did Shane Hollander Just Throw Shade at Montreal Via Instagram?

Montreal Reporter: Metros Say Rumours They Were Looking To Re-Sign Hollander “Untrue”

Free Skate Hockey Blog: RUMOR: Jacques Theriault In Hot Water In Montreal; Owners Say Playoffs Next Year “Must Happen” Or He’ll Be Axed

—

MLH.com: PLAYOFF BRACKETS ANNOUNCED! See Round One Matchups!

Ottawa Sun: Centaurs to Face Pittsburgh Puffins In First Round of Playoffs

The Pitt Sports: Puffins Captain Robby Langdon Says He’s “Looking Forward” To Match Up Against Ottawa: “Should Be A Hard Fought Series”

Ottawa Sun: Centaurs Sweep Puffins, Move To Next Round Of Playoffs

Boston Post: Raiders Beat Autos In Game 7, Setting Up Clash With Ottawa In Second Round

—

YOUTUBE

Ottawa Centaurs: Rapid Fire! With the Centaurs!
Posted May 5th, 2022

TRANSCRIPT:

[A shot of Harris Drover sitting in his office, perched on the edge of his desk. He is wearing a Hollanov Pride Jersey.]

Harris Drover: Hi Centaurs Fans! We’re back with a brand new edition of Rapid Fire! The Playoff Special! Now that the first round is done, we thought we’d lighten the mood ahead of our games against Boston and have the boys answer some of your most frequently asked playoff questions. Let’s go!

[CUT TO: White text on a black screen reading “What’s The Stupidest Playoff Superstition?"

The video cuts between players as they answer. Every player is by themselves in a hallway, in street clothes, having clearly just entered the practice rink, except for Hollander and Rozanov, who have clearly entered the rink together and give their answers standing side-by-side.]

Zane Boodram: Oh, not touching the conference trophy. I know that’s, like, one of the big ones, but I’ve never understood it. Like, it’s a totally separate trophy!

[CUT]

Evan Dykstra: I used to play with a guy who wouldn’t call his wife on gameday because one time he sprained his ankle during a game after he called her. That’s crazy. Like, one, I love talking to my wife. And two, she would absolutely divorce me if I blamed her for getting myself injured in a room she was not even in. Come on.

[CUT]

Wyatt Hayes: Probably that you should miss your first shot in practice on purpose. I get the idea of a lot of rituals, but thinking you’ll never miss again because you’ve missed once is really bizarre.

[CUT]

Troy Barrett: I respect the guys who do the whole “drink the same thing and eat the same thing” every day routine, but I think I would go absolutely crazy doing that every day.

[CUT]

Shane Hollander: Playoff beard.

Ilya Rozanov: That’s just because you can’t grow one!

Shane Hollander: Yeah. 100%. Obviously. I don’t even bother trying anymore and I’ve still won three Cups, so.

Ilya Rozanov: But you like my playoff beard.

Shane Hollander: [directly into camera, deadpan] No comment.

[CUT TO: White text on a black screen reading “What’s Your Playoff Game Day Tradition?”]

Ilya Rozanov: I like to take a nap.

Shane Hollander: He’s not even kidding about that.

Ilya Rozanov: It’s important to be well-rested, Shane!

[CUT]

Evan Dykstra: I have a hype-up playlist. It’s really good. I can send you the link, actually–

Harris Drover: [offscreen] Oh! No, no thanks, that’s not necessary at all.

[CUT]

Luca Haas: I call my mother and sister in the morning and then turn my phone off for the whole day. Looking at the internet too much really stresses me out.

[CUT]

Nick Chouinard: My kids choreographed a very elaborate dance last year, and now I plan to make them do it every time. Even on FaceTime. It’s a good luck charm! And it’s very funny to watch them try to remember how it goes.

[CUT]

Ilya Rozanov: Playoffs are not so different from regular games. Most of our traditions are for home games. We say hi to our neighbors before every home game.

Shane Hollander: Yeah, and we have lunch with my parents. Those are all-year traditions.

Ilya Rozanov: Yuna Hollander is the best good luck charm, because I am deeply terrified of disappointing her.

Shane Hollander: Tell me about it.

[CUT TO: White text on a black screen reading “Who’s The Centaurs Playoff MVP So Far?”]

Zane Boodram: Holly.

[CUT]

Wyatt Hayes: Holly.

[CUT]

Luca Haas: Oh! Uh. Probably Roz or Shane?

[CUT]

Evan Dykstra: Hollander.

[CUT]

Nick Chouinard: Hollander.

[CUT]

Troy Barrett: Shane. 100%.

[CUT to Ilya and Shane. Ilya looks scandalized, having obviously been told the results of this question, while Shane looks absolutely delighted.]

Ilya Rozanov: Betrayal! I am your Captain for years, I take you to playoffs two years in a row, and then Shane joins for one season and suddenly he is MVP of team?

Harris Drover: [offscreen] Yeah, sounds like it.

Ilya Rozanov: No loyalty. None! [to Shane] At least you cannot say yourself. I know I am your favorite.

Shane Hollander: Oh, I was gonna say Hazy.

Ilya Rozanov: You liar!

[Ilya pulls Shane into a playful headlock. Shane laughs while Ilya kisses the top of his head.]

Shane Hollander: Okay, okay, I give up! You’re the MVP. Jeeze.

Ilya Rozanov: Aha! I win! [to camera] My answer is Haas.

Shane Hollander: Oh you fu–

[CUT TO: White text on a black screen reading THE END.]

—

TWITTER

@CherylYamataESPN: Tonight on The Shootout, former Boston defenseman Cliff Marleau stops by to chat about tomorrow’s Boston-Ottawa playoffs game, his favorites for the Cup, and just what is up with the Commissioners' Office these days. Tune in at 8/7 central.

@CentaursGirlie1995: Cheryl Yamata ESPN keeping her FOOT on crowell’s NECK we love to see it

@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 not you capitalizing her name and not crowell’s lmao
@CentaursGirlie1995: @MontrealMeg well i respect Cheryl Yamata ESPN duh

@AllstonRatBarbie: omgggg not Cliff on espn tonight saying he thinks Ilya’s gonna win the whole Cup!!!! Take me back to Raiders Glory Days I miss my boys

@beanpotchampionshipseries: @AllstonRatBarbie he’s a fukin traitor like rozanov man boston is literally in it and he’s saying they’re not gonna win what the fuck
@AllstonRatBarbie: @beanpotchampionshipseries i mean . . . they’re not. i still love the team but we’re so injured rn

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @OttawaCentaurs
Posted May 10th, 2022

[Description: A recent in-game action shot of Shane Hollander, skating quickly down the ice with the puck, a look of determination and focus on his face.]

Caption: Happy 31st birthday to @shanehollanderhockeyplayer ! A win against Boston would be a good birthday gift, right?

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanov81: @GenCentaurs gen we need to work out deal where you send me these photos once you take them

@EvanDykstra: what man you building a shrine or something
@BoodMEISTER: you’ve been to his house dude, it’s ALREADY a shrine
@ilyarozanov81: i am being cyberbullied :(
@GenCentaurs: It’s unorthodox but I think I can make it happen
@ilyarozanov81: @GenCentaurs I will buy you a car in thanks
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Ilya, no.

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Thanks guys! Let’s go kick Boston’s ass!

Post by @yunahollander
Posted May 10th, 2022

[Description: Photo 1: A young Shane Hollander, about six years old, grinning widely in front of a birthday cake with lit candles. He is missing a tooth, and he is wearing a too-big Ottawa Centaurs jersey.

Description 2: A more recent candid photo of Shane. He is sitting at a table with David Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, glasses of red wine in front of them. Shane is smiling happily and watching as David and Ilya talk with one another. He is wearing an Ottawa Centaurs hoodie.]

Caption: Can’t believe this little kid is 31. @shanehollanderhockeyplayer Love you. Proud of you every single day. Now go kill Boston.

COMMENTS

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Love you Mom. I’ll beat ‘em for you.

@ilyarozanov81: tiny shane 😭

Post by @HaydenPike35
Posted May 10th, 2022

[Description: Shane and Hayden with their arms around each other in a non-descript, outdoor location.]

Caption: Happy birthday @shanehollanderhockeyplayer ! Can’t wait to see you beat Boston tonight.

COMMENTS

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Love you man!

@ilyarozanov81: is cute photo except part where you are in it pike

@HaydenPike35: man fuck you

@metrosnumberone: rooting for ottawa????? fucking traitor behavior when are we getting rid of this asshole

Post by @ilyarozanov81
Posted May 10th, 2022

[Description: A photo of Shane sitting outside by a bonfire. He is wearing a slightly too-large black hoodie and running shorts. He looks very soft. He’s smiling fondly at whoever is holding the camera.]

Caption: Happy birthday моя любовь. Every day with you is the best day of my life. Thank you @yunahollander and David Who Does Not Use Instagram for having a perfect son who makes my life better. And thank you @shanehollanderhockeyplayer for being you. Thank you for putting up with me, even when I am grumpy and strange and sad. Thank you for seeing all the bad parts of me and deciding to love me anyway. I love you always.

COMMENTS

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Ilya we have a game in two hours you’re not allowed to make me cry

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Я тоже тебя люблю.

@sunshine_____rainbowz777: shane has the cyrillic alphabet on his phone and is learning russian and i can’t even get a guy to text me back within three business days wtf. the epitome of “if he wanted to he would” smhhhhhhhh

@yunahollander: ❤️ You both make our lives better too.

@TroyBarrettHockey: I want everyone to know the entire Centaurs locker room is valiantly attempting to hold back tears at this post and failing very badly.

@BoodMIESTER: a room of grown men sitting and crying at the power of love. it’s a beautiful thing.

@blossompower: okay but every other birthday post for shane mentioning the boston game tonight except ilya what does it mean

@ilyarozanov81: shane puts lots of pressure on himself. he does not need more from me. i know we will win, but will be a day to celebrate either way. i love him win or lose.
@blossompower: okay well now i’m crying too damn i don’t even know y’all like that

—

TWITTER

@OttawaCentaurs: A win for the birthday boy! @shanehollanderhockeyplayer scores the tie-breaker in the third! Ottawa beats Boston 4-3. Onto Game 5!

—

Boston Post: Raiders Lose Game 6 In Triple Overtime, Ending Playoff Run

Ottawa Sun: Centaurs Win After Troy Barrett Scores Heroic Goal In Triple Overtime

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @HarrisCentaurs
Posted May 17th, 2022

[Description: A sweat-drenched Troy Barrett in the Centaurs locker room, sheepishly holding up the game winning puck. He is flanked by Ilya Rozanov on his left and Zane Boodram on his right, both grinning manically.]

Caption: MY mvp!!!!! @TroyBarrettHockey

COMMENTS:

@WyattHayesGoalie: ALL of our MVPs!!!

@ilyarozanov81: thank you for ending this at third overtime troy i think fourth overtime might have killed my husband

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Please, you looked like you were gonna pass out the whole time
@ilyarozanov81: LIES!

@BoodMEISTER: I am buying you drinks for the rest of your life dude!!!!

@CassieBood: Zane baby please remember I would like to send Milo to college one day
@BoodMEISTER: I am buying you drinks for the rest of the night dude!!!!

@OttoFromOttawa: I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so nervous watching a playoff game. Truly Troy, you’re the hero of Ottawa!

—

New York Gazette: Admirals Defeat Washington Presidents in Game 7 to Head to Conference Finals

MLH.com: Conference finals are set! Ottawa faces New York and Los Angeles battles Chicago!

—

TWITTER

@CentaursGirlie1995: about to have the single gayest series in all of MLH history i simply love being alive in the modern day

@CentaursGirlie1995: i need illegal substances and cell phone and four gay hockey players on ice at the same time like god intended when she wrote the bible
@CentaursGirlie1995: sorry three gay and one bisexual hockey players

@ilyasgirl814ever: this is going to be so fun because obviously the hockey will be good and obviously the hockey will be gay but also because ilya famously does NOT respect his queer elders

@ilyasgirl814ever: he is going to break scott hunters barely functioning kneecaps on the ice because he CAN

@brooklynbex: i know it was time for bennett to retire and i am really happy he did but if he’d stuck around we could have five queer players in one seven game series. . . it’d be iconic

@gigiontheclock: @brooklynbex wait zack bennett is gay??? and retired????
@brooklynbex: @gigiontheclock omg no no ERIC bennett who used to be the admirals goalie omg that’s so confusing sorry
@gigiontheclock: @brooklynbex ohhhhhhhh. white people need more last names smh

@MikePortSports: Honestly, if the rumors about Crowell wanting an “apolitical” hockey league are true this is possibly a worst-case playoff scenario for him.

@MikePortSports: The Admirals and Ottawa both have openly queer players, LA’s Ramirez, Ottawa’s Hollander, and New York’s Vaughn spoke openly about #MLHRacism, Chicago Hawks Captain Peter Tremblay has joined up with Team USA Women’s Captain Jessica Young to address pay disparity between men and women’s sports, and several members of all four teams have begun putting pride tape on their sticks year round since the rumors about Crowell’s desire to ban Pride Nights began.
@MikePortSports: Outside of the Admiral’s Scott Hunter, most of these players were not nearly as outspoken last year. It seems that by potentially trying to silence his league, Crowell might have created a monster.
@CentaursGirlie1995: @MikePortSports Troy Barrett also posted a lot about sexual assault when the Dallas Kent accusations dropped!! Mr. Hockey says Crowell told him to shut up!
@MikePortSports: @CentaursGirlie1995 Yes, an interesting accusation from before the blog blew up this year. It’s impossible to say how accurate the unconfirmed Mr. Hockey stories are but the stuff he gets right is certainly a bad look for the league.

@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: My Latest Post – rumor has it Crowell will skip both the Eastern and Western Conference Final openers, in a break from his usual attendance record. No word as to why, but the MLH Front Office has been facing a lot of phone calls this week. . . bit.ly/mhpl029243

@rajskatez: @FreeSkateHockeyBlog mr. hockey tell your uncle who works at nintendo that he’s awesome

@ChicagoDot: Hawks Captain Peter Tremblay on Activism In Sports: “Everyone Wins When You Get More People On the Ice and In the Stands.” Full story here: bit.ly/cahak90s

@queenofthebean: @ChicagoDot PETER TREMBLAY CONFIRMING HIS WIFE IS BISEXUAL I KNEW THAT MOTHERFUCKER HAD BI WIFE ENERGY I JUST KNEW IT
@jacobcotton: @ChicagoDot @queenofthebean bi wife energy? what the fuck is that
@lizzylezzie: @ChicagoDot @queenofthebean @jacobcotton it’s when straight guys wear patterned button up short sleeve shirts

@OttawaSunzzzz: Centaurs Captain Ilya Rozanov on Upcoming Games Against New York: “We Will Beat That 1000 Year Old Man To Death With Our Hockey Sticks”

@CentaursGirlie1995: this is so in tone with roz normally it took me a long minute to realize it’s from a parody account

@CentaursGirlie1995: wait i just realized. . . .if this series goes to game 7 it will end on june 1st. . . . . . the start of pride month

@CentaursGirlie1995: pepe silvia dot gif
@CentaursGirlie1995: I’M CONNECTING THE DOTS!!!!!!!!
@ilyasgirl814ever: @CentaursGirlie1995 writing “pepe silvia dot gif” instead of just attaching the actual image. . . your mind. . .
@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 the gayest and second gayest team in the league fighting for the cup on actual pride month day one will ideally create enough Gay Energy to permanently freeze roger crowell into stone!!!!

—

New York Gazette: Admirals Fall in Overtime In Game 7

Ottawa Sun: The Ottawa Centaurs Head to Cup Finals For the First Time In Franchise History

—

TWITTER

@ilyasgirl814ever: CENTAURS GOING TO THE CUP FINALS EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU ILYA ROZANOV THANK YOU SHANE HOLLANDER THANK YOU TROY BARRETT THANK YOU POWER OF GAY SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING PRIDE!!!!!!!!

@brooklynbex: you simply can’t deny that the technically gayer team won. on the start of pride month no less! @scotthunteradmirals i expect you to recruit AT LEAST three to four new young twinks in the off season to up our playoff chances

@CentaursGirlie1995: @brooklynbex not knocking your strategy but i think you need to be looking at bears. . . defense weak
@brooklynbex: @CentaursGirlie1995 kick a girl while she’s down!!!!!!

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @kingfisherNYC
Posted June 2nd, 2022

[Description: A group photo in front of Kingfisher Bar. The bar is decked out in pride flags. All of the people in the photo look a little more than slightly tipsy. Pictured, from left to right, are Scott Hunter, Kip Grady, Eric Bennett, Kyle Smith, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett, Harris Drover, and Luca Haas]

Caption: Pride Month is kicking off at the Kingfisher! Obviously bummed our boys @AdmiralsNY couldn’t take it home, but we had an awesome watch party celebrating the gayest and second gayest teams in MLH, and a great cross-team celebration afterwards. Proud of our very own @ScottHunterAdmirals, and super proud of everyone who chooses to live authentically as themselves in the world. @OttawaCentaurs go kick some ass for us!

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanov81: kip and kyle thank you for having us and for stocking good vodka. you are my favorite HAGs.

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Baby I don’t think HAGs really works. For several reasons.
@HarrisCentaurs: WHABGs is too wordy. PALs?
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: PALs?
@HarrisCentaurs: Partners and Lovers!
@ilyarozanov81: shane is NOT a fan of lovers
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: 👎

@HarrisCentaurs: What a fun night! Thanks for being such good sports and having us.

@KyleKingfisher: Thanks for coming!! Come back for trivia sometime!!
@HarrisCentaurs: Of course!!

@KyleKingfisher: Missed you @RyanPriceMLH and @RealFabianSalah ! See ya next time!

@RealFabianSalah: I’m never COMPLAINING about a European Tour but I’m SORT OF complaining about a European Tour! FOMO!!! We’ll be there next time for SURE!

@ScottHunterAdmirals: On the one hand, I guess I’d rather lose to the other gayest team in the league than anyone else. On the other hand, losing to Rozanov fills me with shame.

@ilyarozanov81: shut up old man
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Ilya.
@ilyarozanov81: Sorry, Scott.
@Elena_Rygg: ilya rozanov you let that man walk you like a dog smh

@manicpixiehockeybitch: wait wait wait this photo is basically every famous gay player and their partner (minus ryan and fabian but that makes sense) and then also???? luca haas?????????? luca do you have something to say

@CentaursGirlie1995: @manicpixiehockeybitch we have all learned a valuable lesson from the shaydens and the fanmail incident about speculating on the sexualities of real people and we will simply ASSUME that luca was the only other one who could go out until told otherwise
@ilyarozanov81: 😜
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: ILYA.
@CentaursGirlie1995: @manicpixiehockeybitch or uhhhh not!

—

Los Angeles Star: LA Emperors Win In Overtime Against Chicago Hawks; Set to Play Ottawa Centaurs in Cup Finals

—

Renegade Sports: There’s Something About Ottawa (Or, How Shane Hollander Got His Groove Back)
By Drew Martins
Posted June 4th, 2022

In a few days the MLH Cup Finals will start, signaling the culmination of a historic and, frankly, drama-filled MLH season. Many aspects of the past year of hockey have felt ripped straight from a soap opera or a romance novel. There was an unintentional and shocking outing, accusations of cheating (at sports), a dramatic move of one of the league’s golden boys from the team we all thought he’d retire on, and an off-season gay wedding. There were sticks to the face, hundreds of trips, all-out brawls, lackluster suspensions, Twitter hashtags, and lots and lots of troll comments. And, more seriously, there were conversations about racism and homophobia, and the league’s apparent attempts to stifle those conversations – but, of course, these were all told through the lens of a Lady Whistledown-esque anonymous hockey blog that no one had ever heard of last year, just to make sure we didn’t get too far away from the drama. To say this season has been a wild one would be an absolute understatement.

And the wildest part? In the middle of all the mess, the hockey has been really, really good. From a number of teams, yes – LA’s been electric at home, Chicago had an unbelievably amazing comeback after a rough season start, the Admirals, as always, looked impressive. But, of course, the best team to watch so far has been the one everyone had to watch, the one everyone’s been talking about – the Ottawa Centaurs. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov together on one team would have been the hockey story of the year even before the two were wed over the summer. But now that they’re a couple, it seems like everyone felt the urge to follow Ottawa and see how it came together on the ice.

Hollander and Rozanov are both, obviously, extremely talented. Having them together on one team seems almost unfair to everyone else in the league – but Montreal’s apparent inability to get over their captain’s personal relationship caused it to happen (presumably to their now-dismay – the Metros got nowhere near the playoffs this year). But it’s more than just two individually good players coming onto one team. There’s chemistry there – which, perhaps, shouldn’t be shocking knowing what we now know about their relationship. We all saw a glimpse of it first at the All-Stars Game in 2017, what two players with the power and knowledge those two had could do together; now we get to see it multiple times a week.

Still, when I watch the Centaurs on the ice now, I can’t help but feel that their success is more than just the combined efforts of Hollander and Rozanov on one team – the inevitable result of putting the two best players in the league on a roster together. Indeed, for several seasons Ottawa has seemed to bring out the best in people who were otherwise middling members of teams across the board.

Start with their coach, Brandon Wiebe. Wiebe played professional hockey for a long time, but you'd be forgiven for forgetting him. He never made a significant impact on ice; when he was signed as a rookie coach last year after a decade of retirement, most found the move baffling. That he got his team to the playoffs on his first shot is nothing short of impressive. Then there's goalie Wyatt Hayes. Hayes was a benchwarmer on Toronto for years until shifting to starting in Ottawa – where he’s been responsible for the highest amount of shutouts in the league this season, including a pivotal playoff clinching one against the Chicago Hawks. Speaking of Toronto, there’s also Troy Barrett. Now, Barrett was by no means bad on Toronto, but he certainly wasn’t playing at the level he is now, snagging triple overtime wins on near-perfect shots, a serious contender for playoff MVP.

When Rozanov moved to Ottawa a couple seasons ago, there was a lot of speculation on what the move would do to his overall claim that he was “the best player in the league.” Historically, a good hockey player is only ever as good as the team around him. Rozanov himself felt this in Boston – despite regularly topping league scoring for the season and breaking several MLH records, Boston only ever managed a singular Cup in the years Rozanov was there, hampered often by injuries, middling goalkeeping, or simply running into slightly better teams. But there was no argument that overall the talent on Boston vastly outweighed the talent on Ottawa – and that Rozanov’s chances of seeing a playoff season again seemed minimal, at least for a couple of years. Most thought we’d see a serious dip from the Russian in terms of performance metrics.

Yet, Rozanov, too, flourished on Ottawa. His individual performance made games closer than they’d ever been, yes, and he scored as much (if not more) than he did on Boston. But it was more than that. He pulled less penalties. He matured as a player – got better at reading the ice and other opponents. And, most impressively, as Captain he somehow rallied a group of seemingly disparate misfits into a playoff contending team. Wiebe himself is quick to give credit to Rozanov in this regard. "He's got an infectious energy," the coach said. "He's fun to play with. He brings out the best in his teammates."

And now there’s Shane Hollander. I’d be crazy to suggest that Shane Hollander wasn’t good prior to this season. He was, in many ways, among the best the league has ever had to offer. He was, to many, a posterboy for what hockey should be – a team player, a boy-next-door Canadian icon who was regularly spotted having dinner with his parents, a hard-working determinator who was constantly attempting to improve his own game, never settling for good enough. That’s part of what made his secret relationship so shocking – there were a lot of players you expect to be hiding secrets behind closed doors. He just wasn’t one of them.

So it’s not to say I didn’t expect Shane Hollander to be just as good on Ottawa. What I didn’t expect, though, was for him to be better. As his time on Ottawa has unfolded it’s become clear to many that the Shane Hollander we knew was, in fact, a Shane Hollander who was holding something back. Even just personally, it’s been obvious that a weight has lifted off of his shoulders. He smiles broader in interviews; he jokes more. He feels less like a media-trained machine reading out the perfect soundbites, and more like – well, like a thirty-one year old superstar who loves the sport he plays.

And while I’m sure some of this – maybe most of it – is the simple joy of not having to be in the closet anymore, I also think some of it might just be that Ottawa magic. If the Metros had kept Hollander around, it’s hard to think he’d be like this – magnetic and electric and grinning broadly, pulling off mid-game trick shots for the hell of it. He’d probably still be the old Hollander. It’s whatever the Centaurs have happening in the Ottawa Palladium that’s allowed Shane Hollander to let loose. And whatever that magic is, it’s made him a better player. Him and Rozanov and Hayes and Barrett all have come into themselves on the ice – and they’re giving us some of the best hockey we’ve ever seen.

Indeed, more than ever it seems Ottawa has captured the public imagination as well. People who never watched hockey before the drama are buying jerseys. Partially because Hollander and Rozanov are stars – but also because the team is just so damn fun that it makes it easy to root for them – to want them to win. And isn’t that what professional sports is supposed to be about?

—

INSTAGRAM

Posted by @OttawaCentaurs
Posted June 15th, 2022

[Description: A recent in-game shot of Ilya Rozanov celebrating a goal. He’s grinning widely and pumping a fist into the air.]

Caption: Oh Captain Our Captain! Happy birthday @ilyarozanov81 ! Good luck in Game 4 tonight! Let’s tie this series up!

COMMENTS:

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Smash.

@ilyarozanov81: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: I don’t live under a rock, you know.
@ilyarozanov81: harris, then
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: See if I ever do anything nice for your birthday again, asshole.

@WyattHayesGoalie: happy birthday cap!!! the boys and i have gotten together and promised a big win just for you

@BoodMIESTER: we also promised no one else would score but you though. so good luck bud!

Posted by @yunahollander
Posted June 15th, 2022

[Description: Photo 1: A childhood photo of Ilya Rozanov. He is on a beach with his mother; the wind is blowing their hair around. Both are grinning happily at the camera.

Photo 2: A candid photo of Ilya, Shane, and David watching something on TV. Ilya has clearly just said something funny – David and Shane are laughing, and Ilya looks proud of himself.]

Caption: Happy birthday @ilyarozanov81. Every day I am so thankful you’re in our lives. LA won’t know what him ‘em.

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanov81: I love being part of your family, Yuna. Every day is a gift.

@ilyarozanov81: which is not to say i don’t expect other gifts
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: There it is.
@yunahollander: Oh, there might be something waiting back in Ottawa for you! 😉

Post by @TroyBarrettHockey
Posted June 15th, 2022

[Description: Troy and Ilya at the Drover Family Farm. Ilya is on the ground, surrounded by dogs. Troy is standing up and looking at him with a mix of fondness and exasperation.]

Caption: Happy birthday @ilyarozanov81. Moving to Ottawa was awkward for me, to say the least, but you helped a lot with getting me on my feet. Posting this to say I would be your foot soldier in the battle to convince @shanehollanderhockeyplayer to let you get a second dog any day.

COMMENTS:

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: This is a conspiracy against me ever having a clean house again at this point.

@ilyarozanov81: awwwww puppies!! troy you should have edited yourself out of photo to focus on real stars

@ilyarozanov81: also @shanehollanderhockeyplayer will lose this war. the other day i saw him looking at unlikely animal friend videos again. he’s getting weak.
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: I signed myself up for this by marrying you, didn’t I?
@ilyarozanov81: yes!

@HarrisCentaurs: one of my fave photos ever!

Post by @Sveta_Vetrova
Posted June 15th, 2022

[Description: A photo of a teenaged Svetlana and Ilya. Both are flipping off the camera; Ilya is sticking his tongue out and Svetlana is winking. In Ilya’s other hand there is a cigarette; in Svetlana’s other hand is a bottle of vodka.]

Caption: Happy birthday @ilyarozanov81 here is a picture from when you were young and cool before you got old and fell in love and became super fucking boring. Kill LA tonight. 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanov81: ой, иди нахрен

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Is it legal for fourteen year olds to buy cigarettes and vodka in Russia?

@Sveta_Vetrova: we were sixteen in this picture and also this is hugely boring response hollander
@ilyarozanov81: sveta only i get to call him boring 😡

Post by @shanehollanderhockeyplayer
Posted June 15th, 2022

[Description: Photo 1: A CCM branded helmet sitting on a bench in a locker room.

Photo 2: A bottle of fancy Russian vodka, sitting alone on a marble countertop.

Photo 3: A tuna melt on a white plate, a can of Canada Dry ginger ale, and a can of Coke, on the same marble countertop.

Photo 4: A beach at sunset. The photo is geotagged Tampa Bay.

Photo 5: The view from the deck of Shane and Ilya’s cottage.

Photo 6: Two plastic rings, sitting on a dresser. It is a slightly different version of a photo posted by Ilya previously.

Photo 7: A single electric candle, sitting on a table.

Photo 8: A stuffed alligator resting on a couch.

Photo 9: A hockey stick, wrapped in pride tape.

Photo 10: The back of the Ottawa Pride Night Hollanov Jersey, hanging in Shane Hollander's locker room stall.]

Caption: Я тебя люблю @ilyarozanov81

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanov81: Я тебя люблю. Больше всего на свете.

@BoodMEISTER: man wrote you an essay for your birthday and you post this insanely cryptic bullshit for his?

@BoodMEISTER: it must mean something though because roz just actually teared up and left the room mid mario kart game to – and i am quoting here – “find my husband in this awful fucking hotel and ravish him”
@BoodMEISTER: tmi, btw.
@ilyarozanov81: hush bood

@HarrisCentaurs: getting flashbacks to when ilya’s instagram was just weird no context photos every day

@HarrisCentaurs: WAIT

@JackiePike35: You know the kids still insist that they hosted your “real” wedding.

@ilyarozanov81: they did. and they did excellent job. would let them host wedding again any day. or do vow renewal, because we are never getting divorced.

Post by @OttawaCentaurs
Posted June 15th, 2022

[Description: A simple graphic, black text on a red background. It reads OTTAWA 1 - LA 3. The Centaurs logo is in the bottom left corner.]

Caption: No luck tonight in Game 4. Back to Ottawa for a must-win game 5!

COMMENTS:

@OttoFromOttawa: Down in the series 3-1 . . . trying not to lose hope!

@manicpixiehockeybitch: feeling a bit sick about them winning on shane’s birthday and then losing on ilya’s i can’t explain it

@manicpixiehockeybitch: like i just realzied these two are always in the fucking playoffs on their birthdays basically and thought about the pressure they must feel and then actually teared up wtf i don’t even know them???

Story Post by @shanehollanderhockeyplayer
Posted June 15th, 2022

[Description: A photo of Shane’s and Ilya’s hands, entwined and resting on Shane’s thigh. Both of their wedding rings are visible. Text in the top right corner reads “Win or lose ❤️”]

—

Ottawa Sun: Cup Finals Head Back to Ottawa For Game 7
Posted June 21st, 2022
By Paul Monroe

It’s official: the Centaurs are coming back to Ottawa for a deciding Game 7 of the Cup Championship.

The Centaurs have spent much of this Cup run playing from behind – after a shut out victory against LA at home in Game 1, they lost the next 3 in a row. While they returned to home ice for game five and won handily, consensus was that winning in LA territory would be tough. The Emperors had the best home-ice record in hockey this year, and seemed poised to end the series – and Ottawa’s hope for their first ever Cup – back at the Coinbase Arena.

But it was not to be, thanks to a massive effort by the Centaurs. Ilya Rozanov, Will LaPointe, and Luca Haas all scored off of assists from Shane Hollander – while Hollander racked up no goals himself, he topped the overall points for the game and was named its first star. Wyatt Hayes, meanwhile, added another shutout to his already impressive season record, stopping two separate breakaways from Emperors star Antony Ramirez, among another 34 shots on goal.

Speaking after the game, Coach Brandon Wiebe said he never doubted that the Centaurs could win it in LA. “This is a great team – just an excellent group of players. They know what it’s like to be underdogs, they know what it’s like to face impossible odds. They never let that sort of thing get them down. They’re always ready to get on the ice and leave it all out there.”

The mood in the locker room was celebratory post-game, but the team knows it’s not over yet – now they get on a plane and head back to Ottawa to face a daunting Game 7 matchup.

Still, many Centaurs players expressed excitement to end the series at home, one way or another. Zane Boodram, who’s been a Centaur his entire career, was particularly effusive. “I love Ottawa. I love playing for this team and I love living in that city. And I love those fans. The great thing is that I know, win or lose, they love us back – but obviously we’d all really, really like to win.”

Hometown hero Hollander agreed. “There can be a lot of pressure when you’re playing for a team that hasn’t seen a Cup in awhile,” he said, likely referencing the championship drought of his former team, the Montreal Metros, which he helped to break. “When they’ve never won a cup, it’s something different. It’s less like pressure and more like – like there’s just a lot of hope and a lot of excitement. People keep stopping me and Ilya in the street with our dog and wishing us good luck. Everyone’s always grinning and waving and cheering when they see us. It’s wild.”

Rozanov, too, seemed excited about the prospect of winning on home ice and bringing the Cup to a city full of fans who’ve never seen it. “I owe everything to Ottawa,” he said. “Greatest city on Earth. They made Shane Hollander, of course, so already massive points for that. But the fans are great. Everyone was very welcoming – very understanding. On team, of course, but everywhere too. I felt so much love and respect from this city. I want to do this for them. I want them to have something to celebrate.” Then, after a pause, “and would be nice to win with my husband too, of course.”

The Centaurs play Game 7 at the Ottawa Palladium on June 24th. Tickets are sold out, but watch parties are happening all over the city – find a list of the best bars to tune in here: bit.ly/otosge00

—

TWITTER

@CentaursGirlie1995: everyone be normal i’m normal i’m SO normal i’m feeling very good and normal and i am NOT PANICKING AT ALL AT MY BIG GIRL JOB!!!!!!!!

@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 we all believe you girl don’t worry
@CentaursGirlie1995: @MontrealMeg i am truly so proud of these guys either way but my heart is hammering out of my chest and the puck doesn’t drop for six more hours how the hell does yuna hollander do this every year
@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 bc yuna is best of wives and best of women

@rajskatez: everything else aside the gay pride team losing or winning at an arena named for cryptocurrency would have felt like a hate crime, so glad they get to go back to ottawa tn

@CherylYamataESPN: Tune in for a special Game 7 edition of The Shootout tonight, an hour before puck drop, live from Ottawa. Me and special guests @MikePortSports, Cliff Marleau, and @ScottHunterAdmirals will discuss the series so far, our bets on who wins it all, and what the historical nature of the Centaurs roster means for the future of hockey.

@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: Got word Crowell has entered the Palladium. He won’t do anything before the game, but he’ll present the Cup to whoever wins. Unclear how fans in Ottawa might react – I’ve seen more than one RESIGN CROWELL sign already.

@rajskatez: @FreeSkateHockeyBlog mr. hockey you’re at game 7???? did they give you a press pass or are you just rich as fuck
@marquishamilton99: @rajskatez @freeskatehockeyblog plot twist mr hockey has been shane hollander the whole time playing the longest game ever

@CentaursGirlie1995: ENTIRE PANEL OF THE SHOOTOUT WITH CHERYL YAMATA ESPN SAYS THE CENTAURS ARE GOING TO WIN I CAN’T TELL IF THAT’S A GOOD OMEN OR A FUCKING JINX MAN!!!!!

@brooklynbex: awww scott saying he’s proud of hollander rozanov and barrett and how much they’ve helped change the league is so sweet. scott baby YOU changed the league!!!

@gigiontheclock: @brooklynbex you’re really burying the funniest part of the story here by not quoting scott directly when he said “i’m so proud of shane, troy. . . . even rozanov, i guess”

@CentaursGirlie1995: mlh spent a decade trying to convince us two queer men who were in love actually hated each other when ilya rozanov and scott hunter were right there being queer and hating each others fucking guts, ripe for the picking

@ilyagirl814ever: @CentaursGirlie1995 There Must Always Be One Queer Rivalry In The League – the first commandment of the mlh rulebook i guess

@RogerCrowellMLH: Puck drop coming up! Congratulations to @LAEmperors and @OttawaCentaurs on making it this far. Game 7 is sure to be an amazing one. May the best team win!

@HollanderHo99: @RogerCrowell once again: resign ugly
@emohockeybabe: @RogerCrowell @HollanderHo99 the way i still think this is ilya rozanov’s burner lmao

—

Transcript of Booth Commentary: MLH Cup Championships Game 7, June 24th, 2022

Start Transcript:

Eddie Osbourn: Well gosh, Wayne, these teams have sure kept it close.

Wayne Gillis: You’re not wrong Eddie – less than two minutes left on the clock in the third and we’re all tied up. Overtime seems almost inevitable.

EO: The fans have gone very quiet here. This is normally a raucous crowd, I’ve never heard such a hush.

WG: They want to win. They want it bad.

EO: One minute left and LA has the puck, stolen off Boodram in their territory. Good defense by Ottawa keeps them off the goal and – that’s Chouinard there with the pressure, LA ices, we’re back to the faceoff.

WG: Bit of a break for Ottawa, back to the bench – and Wiebe appears to be making a line swap.

EO: He’s sending Hollander out there, I guess for Roz– or, no, sorry for Boodram it looks like. Rozanov is playing wing.

WG: Not traditional, I’ll tell you that. But when is this team ever?

EO: And we know how strong Rozanov and Hollander are on the power play. Some of the LA guys looking nervous on the bench right now.

WG: I’d be. Hell, Hollander’s grinning – Rozanov, too. That’s got to be the scariest sight in all of major league hockey.

EO: Hollander wins the faceoff – passes to Barrett. Barrett and Rozanov down the ice, Hollander not far behind. Barrett caught up by the defense against the boards, passes to Hollander. Hollander heading to the net – passes to Rozanov and – HE SCORES!

WG: My god! This crowd has just erupted!

EO: Every single person is on their feet.

WG: Ten seconds left in the deciding game and the Ottawa Centaurs have just pulled ahead by one thanks to Ilya Rozanov. All they have to do is win the faceoff and play keepaway.

EO: Not even enough time for LA to go empty net. Wow.

WG: The Centaurs bench looks like they’ve already won. Barrett, Rozanov, and Hollander are staying out on the ice, and we’re back to the faceoff.

EO: Must-win faceoff for LA. They have one shot at this. Puck drops and – and it’s Hollander again, to win it, my god – he kicks the puck out and keeps it and he’s down the ice–

WG: Fastest skater in the league, no one can catch him–

EO: And that’s the horn, it’s official, the Ottawa Centaurs have won their first ever Cup!

WG: The team are going wild – everyone’s off the bench. Hollander and Rozanov are, uh, embracing on the ice–

EO: Oh Wayne, just say kissing. They’re married.

WG: I’ve never had to say kissing in a professional setting before!

EO: Well get used to it. I’m pretty sure those two kids just started the next great hockey dynasty. I expect we’ll see a lot of kissing in the future.

—

TWITTER

@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 OH MY GOD??? ARE YOU ALIVE????

@CentaursGirlie1995: @MontrealMeg alive but weeping inconsolably with joy at the bar with my dad rn
@MontrealMeg: @CentaursGirlie1995 awwww omg!! congrats to you and pops on the win!!!!!

@MontrealMeg: watching shane and ilya embrace openly on the ice after winning a cup together. . . . i can’t believe i ever stuck by the m*tros past me was so stupid how could you hate your captain for being this fucking in love

@ilyasgirl814ever: holy shit this kiss

@ilyasgirl814ever: feeling like i’m gonna die alone because the only real love in the world is between these gay hockey players my god

@CherylYamataESPN: It’s likely to start another round of discourse tomorrow, but no doubting the celebration kiss between Hollander and Rozanov will be one of the most iconic photos of the year.

@MikePortSports: Five years after the first ever MLH player came out, three queer MLH players – two of whom are married to each other – just won it themselves. Feels like an appropriate bookend on the year. Like it or not, hockey’s changed.

@CentaursGirlie1995: i know this is my stupid hockey shitpost account but genuinely this team means so fucking much to me. i remember going to games as a kid with my dad and being so heartbroken when we lost but still having so much fun. we bonded so much over the team when i was young and it made us so close.

@CentaursGirlie1995: this team will never not make me think of my hometown and everything i love about ottawa. this team will never not make me think of my dad. and seeing them so openly embrace their queer players this season was truly the cherry on top
@CentaursGirlie1195: @OttawaCentaurs i love you thank you for bringing us the cup while my dad is still alive to see it and thank you for being so good and so supportive and the best team in the world thank you for everything
@OttawaCentaurs: @CentaursGirlie1995 WE love YOU! And your dad! This team would be nothing without the fans who believed in us all these years!
@CentaursGirlie1995: @OttawaCentaurs oh god now i’m crying again omg

@CherylYamataESPN: The Cup ceremony is about to begin. Will be curious to see Crowell interact with the Centaurs after all the rumored animosity between them.

@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: Not sure if TVs will pick it up, but the crowd here is chanting FUCK YOU CROWELL pretty loudly as he steps on the ice.

@MikePortSports: They’ve announced that the Cup MVP is Ilya Rozanov. Well deserved – he had an amazing run of games and kept the team together under very intense pressure.

@CentaursGirlie1995: holy shit ilya’s fucking smirk as crowell handed him the cup LMAOOOOO

@ilyasgirl814ever: @CentaursGirlie1995 he’s so SMUG!!!! like “yes me and my man won the cup and we will NOT shut up about how much we’re in GAY LOVE you homophobic BITCH!”

@CherylYamataESPN: Crowell off the ice quickly. Not necessarily out of the norm, but he probably beat a quicker retreat than usual as mocking chants against him started back up. Ottawa has not forgotten the rumors, that’s for sure.

@MikePortSports: Families coming down to the ice now as the team celebrates.

@ilyagirl814ever: shane and ilya have not stopped touching each other in some manner since they held the cup together it’s so fucking sweet omg

@wannabepuckdaddy: Troy Barrett and Harris Drover I am repeating my interest in being your unicorn. . . I’m free on Tuesday if you are. . . .

@ScottHunterAdmirals: Five years ago I won my first Cup and saw my teammates with loved ones celebrating, while my love sat in the stands. I took a risk and decided to stop being afraid and kissed @KipGradyArt on the ice. Watching two different queer couples embrace on ice tonight felt like something special. It felt a long time coming. Congrats @OttawaCentaurs you guys deserve it.

@gigiontheclock: @ScottHunterAdmirals even rozoanov?
@ScottHunterAdmirals: @gigiontheclock Even Rozanov.

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @OttawaCentaurs
Posted June 24th, 2022

[Description: Photo 1: A graphic reading CENS WIN in black text over a red background. The graphic shows the final score of the game: OTTAWA 3 - LA 2

Photo 2: A group shot of the Centaurs on the ice celebrating. In the center, Ilya Rozanov holds one end of the cup and Zane Boodram holds the other. Rozanov’s unoccupied arm is draped around the shoulders of Shane Hollander, standing next to him.

Photo 3: Luca Haas and Shane Hollander celebrating a goal in period 1.

Photo 4: Troy Barrett tossing his gloves into the air in triumph.

Photo 5: A video of the team dousing each other in champagne in the locker room. Partway through the video, the camera catches Ilya pressing an obnoxious kiss into Shane’s cheek.]

Caption: Champions.

Story post by @ilyarozanov81
Posted June 24th, 2022

[Description: A photo of Shane in a dark room with neon lights – probably a bar. He’s smiling fondly at the camera, obviously a little drunk – he’s hiding half of his grin behind the back of one hand. In the top left corner, small white text reads Всё, что я делаю, я делаю для тебя.]

Chapter End Notes

this chapter is brought to you by my own realization during the long game that they both have playoff birthdays

all of the russian in this chapter is google translated, so forgive me if it sucks. (ETA: did some slight tweaking on this -- thanks to Teoranna!) translations in order:

ilya on shane's soulmate post: "I love you more than life itself. I love you in all universes, forever." (correctly translated by ilyarozanovupdates lol)
ilya's bday caption to shane: my love
shane's comment on ilya's bday caption: i love you too
ilya's comment on svetlana's birthday post: go fuck yourself
ilya's comment on shane's birthday post to him: i love you. more than anything in the world.
ilya's post win story post: everything i do i do for you.

rose doesn't make an instagram post for shane's birthday because she knows she has just enough followers that it would make him uncomfortable. she DOES send a very lovely text though.

ilya and shane's rings are both visible in shane's photo bc wedding rings are traditionally worn on the right hand in russia and the left in canada. makes for convenient emotional instagram posting.

my only other note this chapter is that i'm a simple woman: i saw a chance to make a reference to the pitt and i took it

Chapter 4: Post-Season

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Free Skate Hockey Blog: The Free Skate Tapes
By Mr. Hockey
Posted July 7th, 2022

Hi Free Skate Nation. Today I present to you the culmination of a year of gossip reporting, the biggest FREE SKATE EXCLUSIVE! of my career: The Free Skate Tapes.

What are the Free Skate Tapes? Well, they’re a series of recordings made from inside MLH Offices that show the inner workings of the office and, in particular, of Commissioner Roger Crowell.

For months, Roger Crowell has denied stories that he is attempting to make the league less political, and that part of his strategy for doing so is openly pressuring players to, as so many on Twitter have said, “shut up and skate.” Reports emerged that he wanted to shove Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov back into the closet, that he resented conversations about racism and pride nights, and more. Time and time again Crowell has denied these accusations, saying that this blog had “no proof.”

Free Skate Nation: I have proof.

I have a series of recordings made inside the MLH Offices confirming that much of what Crowell has is, in fact, true – he did want to shut certain players up; he held specific grudges; he asked for lower penalties for players who were found to make homophobic or racist comments; he seriously wanted to end Pride Nights.

In the interest of protecting my source inside MLH, I will say the following: all of these recordings were made legally in MLH Offices in either New York or Toronto. Both New York and Toronto are single party consent states, where conversations may be recorded – without telling the other parties present – so long as you are a participant in the conversation. Further to that, I can confirm that most of these conversations were recorded at the behest of Roger Crowell as part of minute taking for official meetings – none of the gathered recordings happened in private conversation, and most were kept on record at MLH despite their inflammatory contents.

Below, you can download all the recordings for yourself. In the interest of full transparency I did not edit them from their original states, which means they also include information that is less relevant to the conversations we’ve been having all season. However, I did not want to be accused of tampering in any way, shape, or form.

One last note before I leave you to listen. I started Free Skate Hockey Blog years ago in high school as a simple fan blog. At the time, official journalistic sources often ignored rumors that spread online about player trades and personal issues – I thought it would be fun to record what I was hearing online in one place. I never meant to become a whistleblower for misconduct inside MLH Offices, but as my blog grew I gained more official sources and became party to bigger and bigger scoops.

Much has been made over my identity the past months, and over my goals with this blog. I will not be uncovering who I really am (out of a fear of retaliation, yes) but I can confirm a few rumors are untrue – I am not Shane Hollander or any other professional MLH player (genuinely: I WISH); I am not a person working inside the MLH offices; my goals with this blog were not, initially, to make a political point. I just wanted to talk about hockey. If you had asked me three or four years ago if I considered myself a political person, I would have said no. Hell, even now I’m not sure I consider myself particularly informed. But it seems intensely unfair for the league to treat its own players this way over things they can’t help – the color of their skin, or who they love. When Montreal decided to not re-sign Hollander I was shocked. To throw away the best talent of a generation because you can’t live with who he sleeps with? I didn’t understand.

Needless to say, the attention Free Skate has gotten has been overwhelming. With the season over, there will still be hockey news – the trades and rumors I cut my teeth on. But I’ll be taking this summer off and reevaluating my role here. I love this blog, and I love this sport, but I never intended to go full Deep Throat here, you know? I’m not sure it’s my place.

Still: once I got the tapes, I knew it was my imperative to share them. So here they are, in their unedited glory, for you. I hope you all have nice summers – hopefully I’ll be back in the next season with more FREE SKATE EXCLUSIVES!

—

PARTIAL TRANSCRIPTS OF FREE SKATE HOCKEY BLOG’S MLH TAPES

[Start recording]

Alicia Chabert, MLH Senior Counsel: It’s not a good idea, Roger.

Roger Crowell, Commissioner: I mean – that trip was absurd, Alicia. We look like idiots if we don’t investigate. Montreal is up my ass, they think it was intentional, they want recourse–

Frank Steele, Executive President of Hockey Operations: We understand that Roger, they’re very fired up. But it was a trip. We start investigating players every time they trip, or have a bad game, or miss some shots – it’s a slippery slope. The Player’s Association will eat us alive, we risk a lockout.

Alicia Chabert: There’s no evidence of sports gambling for Hollander or Rozanov–

Roger Crowell: Hollander. Just Hollander, we don’t – no offense, but Ilya Rozanov is not my priority right now. Hollander is the one who was supposed to know better. Hollander is the one who tripped.

Frank Steele: A thing hockey players do every day. Alicia is right, without some evidence that Hollander gained something–

Roger Crowell: Besides his little boy toy going to the next round of the playoffs you mean–

Alicia Chabert: It would look like we were punishing Hollander for a normal mistake. And, to be honest, Roger it leaves us open to some big risks.

Roger Crowell: Risks?

Alicia Chabert: A discrimination lawsuit.

Roger Crowell: Discrimination!

Alicia Chabert: There are rumors about your meetings last year with Hollander before he came out, and with Hollander and Rozanov after they came out. We open this investigation, Hollander could easily say that you–

Roger Crowell: [overlapping] Oh come on.

Alicia Chabert: [overlapping] –pressured him not to come out! He could argue very clearly that the investigation is because of his refusal to stay in the closet. It’s a risk we can’t take.

Frank Steele: [long pause] Drop it, Roger. Let him go to Ottawa. Hell, him and Rozanov on the same team, maybe they realize they can’t stand each other and break up, solve all our problems. Let this one lie.

Roger Crowell: Fine. But you’re calling Montreal to tell them.

[CUT]

Unidentified Voice: Okay, so next on the agenda–

Catherine Vallat, MLH Senior Publicist: The Hollander-Rozanov wedding, yes.

Roger Crowell: Jesus. We have to talk about this?

Catherine Vallat: I think – it is unprecedented, no? Two active players marrying each other. It would make sense for us to congratulate them through official channels–

Roger Crowell: No. No! Catherine–

Catherine Vallat: There are optics to think of, Roger–

Roger Crowell: Optics! The optics are that we don’t draw attention to those two. They’ve made a fucking fool of us enough. We make a statement we look like we’re endorsing it, like we think the relationship is okay–

Frank Steele: Roger, careful, we record these things.

Roger Crowell: Look, I’m not a, a, a, homophobe or whatever. I don’t give a shit about what they do off-ice as long as it stays off-ice. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. They want to sneak around in hotel rooms or whatever depraved shit they were doing – whatever. But all this pomp! It’s too much. They want a fucking pride parade in the middle of a goddamn game? Then we lose half our audience, who doesn’t want to see that shit. No. We don’t acknowledge it.

Catherine Vallat: Sir–

Roger Crowell: No statement. Next.

[CUT]

Roger Crowell: I just – it was a high stick. Since when is that a suspension level offense?

Frank Steele: Well, it was a pretty bad high stick, Roger. It looked pretty intentional. Intent to injure–

Roger Crowell: It’s a contact sport!

Frank Steele: I’m not disagreeing. But we’re expected to protect our players from serious injury if we can. And we’re expected to punish players for going too far.

Roger Crowell: [scoff] Going too far. I mean, going too far would be suspending him, you ask me. Comeau’s just playing the game. He obviously got goaded into it – I mean, there’s responsibility on both sides, here. Both teams were playing aggressively. This is overblown. And once everyone left the bench, then it’s – I mean, everyone should be punished then, in theory.

Frank Steele: [pause] Sure. Yeah, I suppose. But I think it would look bad, for us to let Comeau go.

Roger Crowell: Look bad.

Catherine Vallat: Like we think it’s okay for other players to high-stick Hollander just because he’s gay.

Roger Crowell: Is there any evidence Comeau did it because Hollander’s gay? I mean, Hollander himself said Comeau already knew he was gay last year. So as far as we know, he’s not a homophobe.

Frank Steele: I guess we don’t know.

Roger Crowell: He probably did it because Hollander’s an annoying little prick.

Frank Steele: [laughing]

Roger Crowell: [laughing] I mean, can we suspend Hollander for being an annoying little prick?

Frank Steele: Okay, no, you’re right – Comeau got caught up in the heat of the game. Let’s just suspend him for one game, then. Shows we care without making it a big thing.

Roger Crowell: Fine. If you think it’s best.

[CUT]

Roger Crowell: Christ, Scott Hunter. When is he retiring? Self-righteous asshole. Can’t wait for him to quit hockey and become permanent grand marshall of the pride parade, or whatever.

[CUT]

Roger Crowell: The All-Star Game can’t be the Hollander-Rozanov show.

Frank Steele: [laughing] I mean, it always has been before.

Roger Crowell: Before was different, Frank. This year it’s – we’ll lose viewers! I mean, what, they’re gonna make out on the ice after the shot competition? No.

Catherine Vallat: Roger, they’ve been fairly restrained–

Roger Crowell: Not restrained enough.

Frank Steele: Well there’s nothing we can do to change voting. If the fans want to see them–

Roger Crowell: Unbelievable, by the way. I think it’s – you know bots, or whatever, there’s just no way – he’s not even on the first line anymore–

Frank Steele: Regardless. I don’t think there’s much we can do here.

Roger Crowell: Well what if we – what if we say it’s one player per team?

Frank Steele: [pause] What, now?

Roger Crowell: Sure. I mean, hell – more teams is better anyway, right? Gives those poor fucks in Phoenix someone to root for.

Frank Steele: I mean – Cat, you tell me, but won’t it look–

Roger Crowell: I don’t care how it looks, it’s – it’s bad enough Ottawa is probably gonna make the damn playoffs. Let’s just have an All-Star game without all of their drama.

Frank Steele: [pause] Okay. Okay. Cat, make a statement – we change the rules. One player only.

Catherine Vallat: You’re sure?

Frank Steele: Positive. [beat] You’ll probably still get Rozanov in the game, this way. Hard to see him not getting the votes for it.

Roger Crowell: Rozanov’s an asshole. Everyone outside of fucking Ottawa hates him anyway. Who cares?

[CUT]

Alicia Chabert: The Player’s Association has indicated that they’re considering an investigation – they could pull any remaining players who would come–

Roger Crowell: Fucking hell. I can’t escape these goddamn–

Catherine Vallat: Roger.

Roger Crowell: Fine. Fine, we cancel it. No All-Star Game. Get Cat to blame the plumbing or some shit.

[CUT]

Catherine Vallet: This #MLHRacism thing–

Roger Crowell: Just write me a statement. You know the drill, we support players of all yada yada, who cares.

Catherine Vallet: Will we be instituting rule changes?

Roger Crowell: Rule changes? To do what? It’s already against the rules to say slurs or whatever.

Catherine Vallet: Some players are saying those rules aren’t enforced properly.

Roger Crowell: What do they want from me? They want me to wave my magic wand and end racism? They’re all millionaires who get paid to play a game professionally. They can suck it up. Just write a statement and let’s move on.

[CUT]

Unidentified Voice: So, talking expansion cities–

Roger Crowell: Oh hell. You guys seen this video?

David Parsons, Associate Commissioner: Video?

Roger Crowell: Hollander and Rozanov making out on the fucking bench.

David Parsons: Oh, well – it was a kiss cam, I think. Ottawa Pride Night.

Roger Crowell: Pride Night. Christ. Maybe we should roll those back, huh? No more Pride Nights, no more – whatever this shit is. Or at least ban this fuck ugly tape. Jesus. [He laughs. No one else does.]

David Parsons: I– [pause] Sorry, to get us back on track – the, uh, expansion cities–

[END RECORDING]

—

TWITTER

@rajskatez: holy fuck

@MikePortSports: Still no comment from MLH hours after the tapes dropped. Seems like they’ve entered crisis mode.

@MikePortSports: Interesting that David Parsons seems absent from a lot of these conversations. Word has been Crowell’s largely worked out of the New York Office while Parsons has remained in Toronto. Can’t help but wonder if there’s some animosity there – Parsons did not seem to entertain Crowell’s ramblings nearly as much as other senior staff did.

@HollanderHo99: imagine seeing the most beautiful man on earth and deciding you hate him for no reason roger crowell count your fucking days

—

TRANSCRIPT: The Shootout with Cheryl Yamata on ESPN
Date: July 9th, 2022

[THEME MUSIC. TITLE CARD.]

[CUT TO: Cheryl Yamata sitting behind a large desk. She is wearing a navy blue boatneck dress.]

Cheryl Yamata: Hi everyone. Tonight on The Shootout, I have an exclusive interview with MLH Commissioner Roger Crowell on the back of a bombshell leak of tapes from inside his office. It’s been a difficult year for the Commissioner, who’s been accused of bungling a conversation on racism, of having a grudge against specific players, and of attempting to silence players he views as too political.

Crowell and I met here in the studio to discuss the content of the tapes, as well as what MLH plans to do going forward.

[CUT to interview. Cheryl Yamata, in a white shirt, black pants, and a black blazer, sits on one chair; Roger Crowell, in a blue suit, white shirt, and red tie, sits in another. Crowell is already visibly sweaty.]

Cheryl Yamata: Commissioner Crowell, it’s good to have you tonight on The Shootout. We’ve been trying to get you on the show for awhile.

Roger Crowell: [laughing] Yes, well, it’s a busy season and – I mean, no offense Cheryl, but you’ve never seemed to be my biggest fan.

Cheryl Yamata: No?

Roger Crowell: You criticize my office a lot on this show.

CY: I ask questions–

RC: That episode you did, on the racism thing, it was – you were very critical of me, Cheryl.

CY: Let’s get into that. In the tapes leaked from your office–

RC: Illegally leaked.

CY: That might be so, but as far as we can tell they’re authentic. I mean, Roger – it’s your voice. Are you going to argue otherwise?

RC: These were private conversations taken out of context.

CY: These appear to be recorded minutes of official MLH meetings.

RC: Sure. Fine.

CY: To go back to the racism thing – what I was critical of was that I felt your response was inadequate at the time. And, transparently you sounded very dismissive of the conversation and the hashtag in the tapes.

RC: Again, it’s – there’s context here that’s missing. I’m not a racist, Cheryl. Racism is wrong, and it has no place in our sport, on the ice or off. I was just – it had been a long week, and I had sat in many, many meetings about this topic. There are limits to what the Commissioner's Office is capable of doing. I can’t change the world.

CY: You didn’t seem particularly interested in changing the rules, either – which you can change.

RC: We already have rules prohibiting hateful language between players. If referees or officials aren’t penalizing those, players need to go through proper channels–

CY: Sure, but as Carter Vaughn said–

RC: Look, I mean – Carter Vaugn is a Cup Champion. He’s an Olympic Gold Medalist. If he’s actually struggling with this, I certainly haven’t seen it.

CY: Are you suggesting Carter Vaughn isn’t experiencing racism on ice because he won a gold medal?

RC: I’m saying that a toxic work environment – it’s something you’d see in his performance, if he was struggling with that. That’s all.

CY: Okay.

RC: I take it from your tone you disagree.

CY: I guess I just think it’s more complicated than that.

RC: From experience.

CY: Sure, from experience.

RC: Right.

CY: You sound doubtful.

RC: Just – here we are, on the set of your primetime TV show. There’s Carter Vaughn with a gold medal. There’s Shane Hollander with another Cup. It seems like this apparently terrible environment hasn’t stopped any of you from being successful. Is all.

CY: Let’s talk about Shane Hollander.

RC: I want to be clear – I have no grudge against Shane Hollander. That is completely false.

CY: You didn’t seem fond of him on the tapes.

RC: I was frustrated. I never want the personal lives of our players – of any of our players – to detract from what’s happening on the ice.

CY: And you viewed the Hollander/Rozanov marriage as a distraction.

RC: I have no issues with their relationship. This is a workplace. Like any workplace, I expect a bit of professionalism. That’s all.

CY: You found they behaved unprofessionally this year?

RC: I mean, you go into a normal office building, and there are two of your coworkers, openly making out – you might call HR.

CY: By our count, they kissed on ice less than five times across the season. And most of those were fairly chaste.

RC: I wouldn’t call that celebration after the Cup chaste.

CY: Well – they’d just won a pretty major game. I think there’s a reasonable level of celebration expected there. Hockey players kiss their wives on the ice after those wins all the time.

RC: Their wives aren’t their coworkers. That’s the only difference. I had no issue with what Scott Hunter did, for instance.

CY: Really? You called him “self-righteous,” Roger. And then you made a, I’ll say it, not particularly kind comment about pride parades.

RC: Again there’s context that’s missing here. I have no issues with Hunter or his activism. [beat] Sure, I think he’s a little self-righteous sometimes, but that’s – it’s like saying sometimes my daughter can be a little annoying, you know? I was frustrated in the moment. I have no issues with Scott Hunter. None at all.

CY: So you’re saying, for the record, that you have no personal problems with Scott Hunter.

RC: None whatsoever.

CY: And you have no issue with Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov being in a romantic relationship so long as they conduct themselves professionally on the ice.

RC: Absolutely. Absolutely.

CY: That’s interesting. Shane and Ilya told me differently.

RC: I’m sorry? You spoke to – I’m sorry?

CY: Yes, ahead of this interview I reached out to Shane and Ilya and they – on record for the first time, I might add – made a statement about this whole affair. They both told me that during a meeting last year after they were outed you not only pressured them to not come out, and to instead claim the video was a prank, but also told them that they weren’t allowed to get married over the summer.

RC: That’s – that’s just not true.

CY: Really? Well, I have a tape Roger.

RC: A tape?

CY: Yes. Shane recorded the meeting. He told me that he felt – and I’m quoting him, now – “a need to record the conversation after unpleasant earlier meetings with Crowell, where he pressured me to stay in the closet and avoid ‘activism’. You know – shut up and skate.” End quote.

RC: That’s – he taped it.

CY: Yes. Should we play it now?

RC: No.

CY: I think my audience–

RC: This is – is a [censored] ambush. [fiddling with microphone, making to stand]

CY: Commissioner?

RC: I hate liars. I hate liars. And you, Cheryl, you lied to me. [standing up now] You said this would be an unbiased interview, but you and Hollander, you planned this, you planned this ambush – you [censored] tricked me–

CY: Tricked?

RC: You set me up Cheryl. You and Hollander both.

CY: I assure you, Shane had nothing to do with the set up for this interview. I just reached out to him for a comment.

RC: I gave him a chance, too. You know, I liked the kid. Smart kid, kept the hockey and his personal life separate. Never talked about the race thing–

CY: The race thing?

RC: Hockey should be about hockey. It’s about the game, it’s about the sport. All of this off-ice identity politics [censored] it’s all – it’s distracting from the game.

CY: If anyone’s distracting from the game, Roger, maybe it’s you. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov just won a Cup together. They’re wildly popular – they have the most sold jerseys in the league, still. The primary person who seems to have a problem with them is you.

RC: This is done, now. We’re done. [removing microphone]

CY: Commissioner–

RC: [unmic’d, walking away] Absolute [censored]. Absolute [censored].

[CUT back to Cheryl Yamata at the desk]

Cheryl Yamata: As you can see, the interview got contentious quickly. In the interest of journalistic integrity, I’ll be playing the tape that Shane Hollander sent me of his earlier meeting with Roger Crowell, and then we’ll talk to a panel about next steps for MLH leadership, after this quick commercial break.

—

TWITTER

Trending Sports Hashtags

#FireCrowell

#IChooseHim

@CentaursGirlie1995: Shane “I Choose Him” Hollander sitting on this tape for a full calendar year and deploying it only at the moment it could cause the most damage . . . Yuna and David raised a fucking KILLER

@MontrealMeg: i cannot imagine the audacity to look literal actual shane hollander and ilya rozanov in the eyes and suggest they’ll be jokes because they’re in love lmao

@MontrealMeg: like, sure, there were jokes (stupid, homophobic mostly) but then they immediately got back on the ice and won a fucking cup and shut everyone up lmao. shane scored the most points in the league. rozanov won cup mvp.
@MontrealMeg: like roger crowell will go down in history as the moron who recorded all of his precious thoughts like richard fucking nixon and shane and ilya will sit in the hall of fame next to each other and have a legacy and a life together. kind of sad for crowell i guess.

@MikePortSports: Very hard to see a path forward for MLH outside of the resignation of Crowell at this point. PR disaster on top of PR disaster. Dug himself into a bigger hole with @CherylYamataESPN – and it was a pretty big hole to start with.

@rajskatez: crowell truly is a moron why did he even agree to that interview lmaoooo humiliation ritual speedrun

@marquishamiltion99: racism isn’t real if youve won a gold medal follks ya heard it here first

@ilyarozanov81: Shane does not get enough credit for being deeply romantic man. He proposed to me after near-death experience. He told the Comissoner of the MLH to fuck off for me and then publicly ruined man’s career as a bonus. All very romantic.

@ilyasgirl814ever: @ilyarozanov81 uhhh are you allowed to tweet this lmao
@ilyarozanov81: @ilyasgirl814ever what are they going to do, fire me? my name is not roger crowell

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: I sat on that tape all this time because I wanted to stay focused on hockey. I wanted to keep my private life off the ice. I’ve always wanted that. It’s Roger Crowell who made that impossible.

@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: I kept my relationship with Ilya secret for so long because I was afraid of retaliation. Crowell cornering me in his office and telling me to not come out made me even more afraid. But being out is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m happier than I have ever been. Every player deserves to be happy, no matter who they love.
@ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer: I meant what I said on the tape. I would choose Ilya over anything. I’d choose him over hockey. But I shouldn’t have to. No one should have to. This sport should be for everyone.
@ilyarozanov81: @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer see what i mean? so romantic 😍

@ScottHunterAdmirals: An Open Letter From MLH Players Demanding the Resignation of Roger Crowell: bit.ly/ople92

@MikePortSports: Hearing rumors that the Players Association is demanding leadership changes.

—

ESPN: BREAKING NEWS: Beleaguered MLH Commissioner Roger Crowell Announces Resignation; Assistant Commissioner David Parsons To Step Up

SportsNet: Frank Steele, MLH President of Hockey Operations, Steps Down Hours After Commissioner Announces Resignation

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @TROITOI
Posted July 11th, 2022

Description: [A photo of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov out in a non-descript town. They’re both in shorts and t-shirts, and both are carrying iced coffees. Ilya is showing Shane something on his phone – Shane has turned his head to see it. Present on his neck, very visible, is a dark purple bruise.]

Caption: SPOTTED! Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov out and about in small-town Ontario after the firing of MLH Commissioner Roger Crowell. Looks like they’re having a fun summer so far!

COMMENTS:

@fastannabelle: LMAO giving your husband the largest hickey i have ever seen because he got your opp fired. . . . ilya rozanov you will ALWAYS be famous!!!!!!

@woahlatengo: roger crowell found dead in miami lmaooooooo

@bettybaker0101: Ugh, nasty!!! Why they always feel the need to rub their sex lives in our faces. Inappropriate!!!

@ilyarozanovupdates: oh shut the fuck up you loser

Post by @ilyarozanov81
Posted July 25th, 2022

Description: [Photo 1: A professional photo of Shane and Ilya’s wedding. They are kissing softly.

Photo 2: Shane and Ilya standing with the Cup post-win. Both are obviously mid-laugh.

Photo 3: Shane asleep on a couch; Anya is laying on top of him, also asleep.

Photo 4: A professional shot of Shane and Ilya at Centaurs practice. They are looking at something off camera. Shane looks serious, like he is assessing a play. Ilya is looking at Shane with an expression that can only be described as heart eyes.

Photo 5: A photo of Shane at home, sitting at a kitchen island. He is obviously hungover – his hair is sticking up messily. He’s flipping the camera off, but his lips are quirked up in a slight smile.]

Caption: Best year of my life so far. Happy anniversary @shanehollanderhockeyplayer. I will love you forever, even if we do not win Cup next year. (But I think we probably will.)

COMMENTS

@RoseLandryOfficial: you two are so cute it’s actually kind of annoying

@Sveta_Vetrova: no seriously, like leave some true love for the rest of us 🙄

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Я тебя люблю

Post by @shanehollanderhockeyplayer
Posted July 25th, 2022

Description: [An outtake of the CCM shoot from the summer before their rookie seasons. Shane and Ilya are laughing at each other, affection in both of their eyes.]

Caption: I don’t really think I’m great with words, or grand gestures, or using Instagram, so forgive me as I try here. Ilya, to say that you’ve changed my life is an understatement. When I met you in that (definitely no smoking allowed) area in Regina all those years ago, I knew right away that you were special. That you would push me. That you would change me. I had no idea just how much you would, but I was excited about it. I think, probably, I fell in love with you right then, as you were smirking and telling me you’d beat me.

Loving you is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Getting to love you out loud is the second greatest thing. Getting to brag about you in public, getting to kiss you whenever and wherever I want, getting to play hockey on a team with you. It’s all like a dream come true. You are the most important person to me. I’ll choose you every time. You make me better in every way. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be.

I love you. This has been by far the best year of my life. I think they’ll only get better from here. Happy anniversary @ilyarozanov81

@ilyarozanov81: иди к черту, что довёл меня до слёз. Я тебя очень люблю.

@BoodMIESTER: okay sorry i implied that shane was less romantic on ilya’s birthday because he kind of ate you up here @ilyarozanov81

@ilyarozanov81: bood shut up

Post by @MLHOfficial
Posted July 25th, 2022

Description: [A press photo of Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov from Centaurs media day. Both are in suits, smiling politely at the camera. Ilya is resting his arm on Shane’s shoulder.]

Caption: Happy anniversary to @shanehollanderhockeyplayer and @ilyarozanov81 ! Excited to see you guys back on the ice in a couple months!

COMMENTS:

@queen_penny: love a little damage control lmao david parsons will NOT be caught slipping!!!

—

TWITTER

@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: RUMOR: Montreal to trade Comeau to Buffalo for center Milo Sinner.

@lindaontheice: @FreeSkateHockeyBlog Mr. Hockey you’re back!!!
@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: @lindaontheice Summer’s coming to an end! It’s time to get back on the ice!

@CentaursGirlie1995: just felt a beautiful fall chill in the air. . . . hockey is returning. . . .

@rajskatez: not for nothing but just noticed that rainbow sports hired a person who used to be the assistant to the senior publicist for mlh. . . . mr. hockey have i found your source???

@FreeSkateHockeyBlog: snitches get stitches

@rajskatez: not for nothing but just noticed that rainbow sports hired a person who used to be the assistant to the senior publicist for mlh. . . . mr. hockey have i found your source???

[THIS TWEET HAS BEEN DELETED]

—

INSTAGRAM

Post by @OttawaCentaurs
Posted September 22nd, 2022

Description: [Photo 1: Luca Haas and Zane Boodram in the locker room. Luca is waving and smiling; Bood is making a ridiculous face and throwing up a “hang ten” sign.

Photo 2: Wyatt Hayes entering the practice rink. He giving two big thumbs up and grinning.

Photo 3: Evan Dykstra, Will Lapointe, and Nick Chouniard doing the Charlies Angel’s pose.

Photo 4: Troy Barrett and Tanner Dillon smiling at the camera in practice jerseys with their arms around each other.

Photo 5: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov entering the rink, holding hands. Ilya is waving at the camera with his free hand; Shane is laughing and looking at Ilya.]

Caption: Pre-season starts TOMORROW! These boys are ready to try and get us another Cup. Are YOU? Home game tickets are still available at the link in our bio!

COMMENTS:

@ilyarozanov81: this year i will score more goals than anybody in league. but especially more goals than my husband with his weak backhand

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Oh you are so on, asshole.
@WyattHayesGoalie: back to flirting on the official account, the season truly is beginning
@ilyarozanov81: 😘

@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: It’s going to be a great year!

@ilyarozanov81: best year ever, i think
@shanehollanderhockeyplayer: Best year ever for sure. ❤️

Chapter End Notes

if you saw me post this by accident before i proofread it yesterday no you didn't <3

two last shots of google translated russian for you: shane says "i love you" on ilya's post and ilya says "fuck you for making me cry. i love you very much" on shane's (ETA: also updated to a slightly better translation thanks to Teoranna!)

big shout out to the person who commented "roger crowell found dead in miami" on the last chapter not knowing i had literally already written it into this one. . .great minds

this has been so much fun to write!! thank you for reading and all your very lovely comments. everyone suggesting mr. hockey should be yuna hollander cracked me up, i won't lie, but i liked the idea of him being Just Some Guy who realized this shit was fucked up bc his friend couldn't stop talking about how much his job sucked. RELATABLE AS HELL. i will almost certainly be back because these two emotionally repressed hockey players have given me horrific brainrot. <3

Afterword

Works inspired by this one: Tangled Up in Blue by cheddarplums

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