Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

F/M, M/M

Fandom:

Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander/Svetlana Vetrova, Hayden Pike & Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Svetlana Vetrova

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Svetlana Vetrova, Hayden Pike, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Sasha | Ilya Rozanov's Coach's Son

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s01e04 Rose (Heated Rivalry), Mistaken Identity, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Perceived Betrayal, Actual Betrayal, Information Breakdown, Love Triangles, Confusion Squares, Messy, Unreliable Narrator, Multiple Narrators, and they’re all unreliable, Shane Hollander Has a Gay Awakening, Moral Ambiguity, Morally Gray Svetlana, Morally Gray Shane Hollander, morally gray everybody, Bad Decisions, Hayden & Ilya friendship, Hollanov Endgame, Happily Ever After, Accidental Outing, Not to the public, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Good Friend Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Hayden Pike Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-09-25 Updated: 2026-10-25 Words: 21,281 Chapters: 7/9

A Complicated and Nuanced Game

Summary

Shane texts, “Hi! Are you free tonight? I know it’s soon but we’re leaving town tomorrow for a few days, and I’d love to see you.”

Ilya would have made fun of him for that message. Ilya would have just gotten a “come over.” Ilya would have responded “where is romance, Hollander?” and Shane would say, “I’m fucking starting without you.” And Ilya would be at his door in 20 minutes.

Shane doesn’t think that would work on Sveta.

Or: What if Svetlana were Rose Landry?

Notes

This comes from a very basic premise but gets so stupid complicated. We’re in for it.

Crucial information: Shane doesn’t know how Russian first or last names work. At all. This story will have four different narrators, and they are all wildly unreliable.

Thank you to @Ongoing_Catastrophe for your support in this endeavor!! There were charts involved!

I believe this will be about 9 short chapters (famous last words).

Chapter 1: Ready or Not

Chapter Notes

The enthusiasm in J.J.’s voice is contagious as he tries to convince Shane over the phone, “You have to come to this party! These are the hottest people I’ve ever seen.”

Maybe the energy booster he bought from the supplement people is actually working. Maybe J.J. saying the gender-neutral “people” is appealing. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t taken his shoes off yet. For whatever reason, Shane is actually considering a night out with his team for the first time in months. 

Ok, there’s the big reason: The fact that one week ago, he left Ilya Rozanov on a couch, a still-cold ginger ale on his coffee table and jizz still drying on his stomach. Shane just had the best day of his life, why did he have to go and ruin it by running away?

No. Ilya was the one who ruined it, Shane keeps telling himself, by asking him to stay, by talking about women and mouths and saying Shane’s name out loud. Being so damn endearing. The whole thing sent Shane into an identity crisis, and Ilya Rozanov is the one to blame.

Shane can admit it now: it got too real. But he doesn’t regret walking out. What, is he supposed to just… be gay? Date a man? Date his arch rival? No, he made the right choice. If Ilya can fuck women, and even regularly date that Svetlana lady he was talking about, then Shane can certainly find one of his own. So maybe, for the first time in his adult life, Shane feels like he’s actually on the market. Not that he was in a relationship with Ilya. But it definitely kept him from seeking out other people. So now, Shane feels truly eligible for the first time ever. 

He is eligible for exactly one week. 

He follows J.J.’s directions to the cool underground bar for which he is criminally underdressed. In retrospect, if he put any thought into J.J.’s claim about the “hottest people he'd ever seen”, maybe Shane would have dressed nicer. 

He’s one beer in, trying not to flirt with the cute, but male, bartender who denied him a ginger ale, when he sees a captivating woman talking to his teammates. She has huge eyes enhanced by colorful makeup, her skin is glowing even under the bar’s dim lighting. She’s animatedly talking to a bunch of hockey players and they’re all entranced, ogling, trying to keep their drool in their mouths. That’s the kind of woman Shane needs. So attractive, it would be impossible to think about other men around her. If he can’t make it work with someone like her…

He approaches the conversation, trying not to let social anxieties dictate this interaction. He doesn’t have to try hard. He doesn’t have to do anything, really. She stops, mid-sentence, and says, “You’re Shane Hollander.” in a tone of voice that makes the other guys groan and walk away, any hopes with her dashed. 

Shane knows he’s attractive, but he knows hockey fans probably find him more attractive. And if she knows his name, she’s probably a hockey fan. Ideally, a partner would be attracted to his hockey game and not just his looks. Ideally, his partner would also love hockey. Maybe even play hockey professionally. In the same league— no. Stop that. 

“I am Shane Hollander!” He nods once, trying for suave, probably hitting more nerdy. 

“Sveta.” She reaches out a hand. “I am a big fan of your work.” He didn’t notice it before but now her Russian accent is hard to miss. He doesn’t know if that makes her more appealing or less. He does know it ignites something in him, which is more promising than any interaction with a woman in a while. He doesn’t need to investigate why. 

He takes her hand and shakes it loosely. Her grip is firm and she shakes his hand with confidence. Like maybe she would take charge in a bedroom situation and… ok. This could work. She’s electric, and he likes her. This could work. Ok. 

“I am sort of a hockey nerd…” she says, almost like that’s a bad thing. Shane knows the feeling. When people learn how much he knows and cares about hockey, he’s teased relentlessly.  

So he reassures her, “I am too. There’s nothing better than hockey.” She rewards him with a genuine smile. “Who’s your team?”

“Oh, you will kill me but…Boston?” She covers her face bashfully, and it’s adorable.

She’s a Boston fan. Somehow, that excites Shane even more. “Oh, sorry, I thought you said you were a hockey fan,” Shane jokes. “Are the Raiders even still a team?”

“Yes, and two points ahead of you in the standings,” she says with an exaggerated eye-roll. 

Shane keeps making lighthearted chirps about her team and she responds in kind. When she chirps back in that accent, Shane can’t help but feel a little… something. Ilya can go fuck whoever he wants. Shane has Sveta. 

He briefly thinks of Ilya’s Svetlana while Sveta talks. It’s so close but… it’s not the same name. What are the odds of Ilya’s girlfriend being in Montreal, anyway? Shane pushes back the thought. He resolves to push away any thought about Rozanov when he’s around Sveta.

J.J. approaches the table where they’ve landed. “We’re heading out soon,” he says in French. 

Shane glances at Sveta to see if she looks like she knows the language. Why would she? She’s Russian. 

“Ok. I’m going to see where this goes. Could be interesting,” Shane replies in French. 

J.J. gives him a very embarrassing face and spins off. 

Shane and Sveta talk until the bar clears out. She’s been into hockey since she was a kid. She says she had the good fortune of meeting some of the Boston players when she lived there, and Shane veers directly out of that territory. She’ll understand why. If she’s this into hockey, she knows the rivalry. 

And boy, she is into hockey. She recites his statistics. She has historical fun facts that impress even Shane, whose friends constantly mock his encyclopedic knowledge of the sport. She has good opinions on what each team could improve. If Shane were inclined or permitted to bet on hockey, he might throw some money on the Admirals taking the cup just because she called it. Even though it’s only November. 

She works in sales and deals with rich people, apparently, and she’s here in Montreal for her job for a few months. A few months can work. Maybe he can convince her to move here. He wonders about her immigration status. Is she Russian or American? If they got married, she could maybe get Canadian citizenship... And then he reminds himself to chill the actual fuck out. 

Despite actually being ready and excited to try something with a woman for the first time in …ever, it’s late, and there’s still practice tomorrow. They say goodbye on the street and he bravely asks for her number, if he can see her again. 

She agrees and then, with a playful little insulting smile that he knows he’s seen somewhere before, she says in French, “I’d love to see where this goes. Could be interesting,” quoting Shane’s own words before she walks away. 

Shane could be scraped off the floor. He will never underestimate Sveta again. 

To say Shane knows nothing about dating is a gross understatement. He has never once had to do any of this in his life. His most steady—ugh—relationship involved only a “here, let me in” text every two months and dodging the occasional innuendo. 

But now he has a girl’s phone number and he actually wants to use it for the first time ever. He assembles a brain-trust the next day after practice. 

“I got Sveta’s number,” he announces when it’s just J.J. and Hayden left in the change room. 

“Who is Sveta??” Hayden asks, surprised. He had skipped last night’s outing to stay home with Jackie, who recently announced she’s pregnant. Again.

“Ahh, Sveta…” J.J. sighs her name. “We met her last night when Hollander came out and you stayed home.” 

“Sorry,” Hayden responds sarcastically. “I’ll try to get my wife pregnant less.”

“Will you?” Shane raises his eyebrow. J.J. laughs.

Hayden just glares at Shane in response. “Anyway, what’s the deal? Is she hot?”

Shane nods. “Yeah, she likes hockey.” 

“Also,” J.J. saves his ass, “…yes. She is hot to non-hockey robots, too. You should have seen the shirt she was wearing, I have never seen more cleavage in my life.”

As Hayden chirps back about J.J. not getting laid enough, it occurs to Shane that he can’t remember what she was wearing, or the cleavage in question. Shane blushes a little but this is exactly what he needs: someone who other people think is attractive. It really is just a bonus that she also seems kind of awesome. 

“This,” Shane gestures to the idiots, “isn’t helpful. I got her number, what do I do with it?” He feels awkward admitting as much to these guys, but they’re his best friends. They won’t tease him. Or, at least not as much as like… Ilya would. 

“You have never texted with a girl?”

Shane’s brain unhelpfully supplies the sexts from Ilya. He’s pretty sure that doesn’t count. “No.”

“You wait three days,” J.J. says, like it’s a basic fact. 

“That’s bullshit.” Hayden shakes his head. “Listen to the married guy: you text her whenever you want.”

“I want to text her now, but…” Shane looks at J.J., asking for permission. This is impossible. He just wants to be normal about one social interaction in his life. 

J.J. puts his hands up in surrender. “If you want to be married in three months with your sixth child on the way in a few years, you have to get started as soon as you can.” He shrugs. 

“Fourth child,” Hayden corrects quietly. “I need better friends.”

But J.J. powers through, “If you want her to think you’re cool, you wait.”

Hayden and Shane look at each other. Shane kind of knows she’s never going to think he’s cool. Well, except that he plays professional hockey. That’s gotta be cooler than anyone she’s dated before. 

And he does want… all that other stuff. His stomach hollows out at the thought. He wants to live a normal, simple life, where the headline isn’t “Shane Hollander: noted lonely virgin bachelor” or worse, “Shane Hollander: gay”. Maybe not six kids but… He likes this Sveta lady, he can maybe date her. 

“Ok.” He unlocks his phone, tamps down the disappointment he feels whenever there’s not a new text from Rozanov, even though it’s been a week, and he might never see a notification from Lily again. “Help me text her.”

They all agree he needs to get out of texts and back in person as soon as possible, so they consult their game schedule and craft something simple.

Shane: Hi! Are you free tonight? I know it’s soon but we’re leaving town tomorrow afternoon for a few days, and I’d love to see you.

To all of their surprise, she responds quickly. 

Sveta: Sure!

Ilya would have made fun of him for that message. Ilya would have gotten “come over.” Ilya would have responded “where is romance, Hollander?” and Shane would say, “I’m fucking starting without you.” And Ilya would be at his door in 20 minutes.

Shane doesn’t think that would work on Sveta. 

Hayden and J.J.’s text works, and for the second time in as many days, following a similar panicked brain-trust meeting about his outfit, Shane finds himself across a table from Sveta. She’s funny and loves talking hockey. It’s a good time. He can do this.

She starts to talk about Russia and Shane is so curious. It’s weird, he’s been doing this thing with Rozanov for years and never learned anything about Russian culture or politics. 

“I have always had dual citizenship, my mother is American. But I lived in Russia for my whole life.”

“Do you still… live there? When you’re not here?” 

She shakes her head. “No, I am bisexual,” she says, like that answers the question. She breathes once without looking at him. “If that is an issue for you…”

Shane feels the same way he always does when he sees a queer person in the wild: sad, angry, jealous. He knows he should be happy there are other people like him but… he’s not. He doesn’t know why people have to be so vocal about it. Maybe it’s just how far away it feels for him. 

He could tell her. It would be comforting for her, right? To hear he is… whatever he is, too? He realizes in the moment he would rather die. Plus, if this works out, it won’t even matter that he spent half his twenties getting repeatedly stuffed by his male rival. It’s not like it will happen again if he’s with her. The thought— the whole subject, really— makes him a little queasy, so he avoids it. 

“No! No, it’s ok, it’s good, really. But what does Russia have to do with that?”

She looks at him skeptically. “Really? I guess… you are a hockey player, no need to know about gay laws but… it is not good, or legal, in Russia. They made this law, I left. I go back sometimes but…” she stares off into the distance. “It is not my Russia anymore.” 

Shane can’t help his jaw dropping. Rozanov has been hooking up with men— or, at least one man— for years. Shane knew from the Olympics it was frowned-upon, but this could get him arrested?

“What would happen to you?”

“I don’t want to find out. My family is friends with police. It’s just not safe.”

Shake feels like an idiot. How did he just not know this? What else doesn’t he know about Russian culture? He wants to text Rozanov, ask him if he’s being careful enough when he goes home. But, he probably knows of these risks. It’s probably weird that Shane didn’t. 

They stop talking about Russia after that. Shane meant to ask about her family and friends, it was on the list of non-hockey date conversations that Hayden made him, but it seems like the wrong time now. 

They eventually find safe non-hockey ground on television. They both like Breaking Bad. 

Three hours pass quickly and soon, Shane is parting ways with her, walking away with a smile on his face. He pulls his phone from his pocket for the first time since he got to the restaurant.

The Boyz group chat

Hayden Pike: give us any details if there’s any 💋💋💋

J.J. Boiziau: for real, after all that i want to hear about the church kiss he politely gives her on her doorstep. 

Hayden Pike: he owes us that at least. 

Oh, god. Was Shane supposed to make some kind of a move? He didn’t. He just waved, like a dork, and they made plans for a few days from now. Next time. Next time he’ll definitely remember to do that. Next time he’ll definitely want to do that. 

Chapter End Notes

Next: Svet(l)a(na) POV 👀

Chapter 2: I Spy

Chapter Summary

After another date, Svetlana breaks the news to Ilya; the new couple consummates their budding love.

Chapter Notes

Straight Smut Alert! Sorry I had this rated M for the first three hours, I forgot it’s literally in the second chapter. And it was either take this out or change the rating, and you can thank the two commenters who asked to hear about the sex. I did tone it down because yeah, I don’t know that we came here to hear about hetero sex. And of course they have sex, guys, if Svetlana is Rose Landry here, it would be incomplete without at least a few terrible encounters!

Any full lines of dialogue or texts in italics means it’s in Russian.

Svetlana has never been this frustrated with Ilya Rozanov in her life. Last night she had her second actual date with Shane Hollander. Like… Shane. Hollander. The most attractive and second-most-skilled MLH player. 

But she called her best friend to tell him the news, and he hung up on her. Can you believe that?

She deliberately didn’t tell Ilya when she met Shane last week. Ilya has always been super intense about the rivalry. Svetlana thinks they were both too young when they started the game. Too impressionable. They were never going to be normal about each other.

And Svetlana has also been careful not to mention Ilya to Shane, either. In their first conversation, when she said she knew some Boston players, Shane shifted uncomfortably and she had to stifle an eye roll. It seems like he’s going to be the same way as Ilya. So she kept that piece of information from Shane and now it feels like… coming out, or something. Like she’ll have to sit him down for a Discussion about it to break the news. Coming out was easier. How would she tell him this? “Hey, I’m best friends with, and also occasionally bone, Ilya Rozanov. Anyway, what are you thinking of ordering? The salmon?”

She doesn’t need the strike against her, honestly; no one has ever made her work this hard for it. She can’t believe she’s still in the “win him over” phase. Usually she scales that in 20 minutes, but this was their second official date, not counting the night they met, and Shane hasn’t made a move. Luckily she’s been following more than just his career and she knows Shane Hollander is… cautious about dating. But surprisingly he’s not really private, as paparazzi caught them walking around Montreal last night and (not for the first time) Svetlana found herself in the B-list celebrity tabloids. She’s surprised they don’t know her name by now. She’s still just “mystery belle.” Just like she was with Prince Harry.

That stupid tabloid is how she knows Ilya is mad at her. She called him and told him to look at the gossip website that featured their picture this morning. She sang, “I met someone!” 

After the few seconds it took to pull up the website, Ilya sounded murderous. “What is this.” 

“A second date!” she squealed back.

And he hung up. 

Now she looks at her phone like it personally offended her. Ilya texts a minute later.

Ilyusha: is this a joke?

Sveta: no, I thought you’d be happy for me. 

Ilyusha: are you serious?

Sveta: if you can’t be an adult about this, then fuck off until you grow up. 

She stares at the message thread, willing a mature response to come. None does.

Ilya has been aggressively protective of her since they met in grade school English class and bonded over hockey, what else? They thought they were so cool, passing notes in broken English and signing them with their Anglicized names. His contact name is still in Latin letters, a remnant of their origin story, and she knows she’s in his phone this way, too. The little letters look funny next to the Cyrillic in their texts, but neither of them would ever change this. 

Her heart aches for that simpler, less broken little boy. He didn’t know how life was about to hit him over and over. 

Ilya has been a bit off since before Sveta came to Montreal. Svetlana thinks there are some relationship issues she’s not privy to. Or maybe he’s feeling emotional about this year, when he has officially lived longer without his mama than with her. Or maybe it’s been too long since he had sex with a man. 

None of that gives him an excuse to be an asshole to her. He should congratulate her for bagging Shane Hollander. Or, at least, getting really close to bagging Shane Hollander. She hasn’t truly bagged him yet. 

But Ilya knows this is a dream for Sveta, he could at least act happy for her.

Sveta’s third date with Shane is after a Montreal home game. She attends the game in a Hollander jersey that actually belongs to Shane Hollander, and she sends a picture to Ilya just for fun. She texts, “These are better than the seats you usually get me!” He doesn’t respond. He hasn’t been responding. 

After Montreal trounces Detroit, Sveta goes to the bar to celebrate with Shane’s team. She feels a little like a trophy, and she adores feeling like a trophy. She loves the look on a man’s face when he realizes he underestimated her, just because she’s gorgeous and feminine, when she knows more about hockey or cars or global politics or stocks than he does. She loves feeling wanted by everyone in the room, knowing they can’t have her. And she loves the hot, possessive sex that usually comes after an evening like this. Looking at Shane and how nervous he is, that might not happen. She hopes some kind of sex will, though. She’s starting to think she’s going to have to make the first move. 

He introduces her to everyone, and with other people, she can see he’s so well-mannered and sweet. Surprisingly funny. She doesn’t know why he’s kept that a secret. 

She knows that Hayden Pike is Shane’s best friend, so she’s careful when Shane introduces them. They talk hockey and she knows she can impress these boys with the most basic knowledge, even without the more in-depth studying up she did on Montreal’s other players recently. 

Then Hayden says something you’re not supposed to say when meeting your friend’s date. 

“She’s so much better than Lily! I’m actually talking to her!!” 

It’s the first real surprise Sveta has gotten out of Shane’s life. She didn’t know he dated a ton of women before; that’s not something the tabloids told her. She raises an eyebrow at Shane, who blushes bright red. Maybe this Lily lady didn’t like talking about hockey, so had nothing in common with Pike. Maybe she never came out with the guys. Sveta figures she’s probably an upgrade in a lot of ways. 

That night, Shane drives her back to her subletted penthouse and agrees to come up. It’s crazy expensive, but the luxury car dealership is paying Svetlana well to get their Canadian market started. 

Shane gapes in awe. “This is really nice. Who umm…” he trails off. He does that a lot. It’s kind of cute, like his filter is trying so hard to impress her. 

Right now, she’d love nothing more than to crumble any filter he has. 

Making out in the kitchen tells her a lot, and confirms her previous assumption: she is going to have to take control here. It’s ok, she likes that dynamic, too. So Shane Hollander, patron saint of hockey virgins, likes to be dominated with a little roughness. It’s incredible, really. She can see how this could get addicting. 

If Sveta could lift him and carry him to the bedroom, she would. An inopportune flash of Ilya enters her mind, he would be able to pick Shane up and carry him. That’s kind of his signature move. But why would she think about Ilya when she has this generational hockey player in front of her? So she orders him to the bedroom instead.

She wastes no time in getting them naked, not being terribly gentle about it. He seems to like it, if his boner is any indication. Sveta very rarely sees a soft cock, though. 

What follows might be her first wholly unsuccessful blowjob ever. Sure, she doesn’t want the whole experience to end like this, but usually she likes to get them close before making them reciprocate. Shane’s not even getting close, though he’s vocally appreciating it... Maybe blowjobs aren’t his thing. 

She was pretty sure they’re every guy’s thing. 

So, he likes to be dominated, and he doesn’t like blowjobs… She pulls off and flops down next to him. “Well?” She pushes him into position to return the favor, and he goes eagerly, which is a good sign. 

He’s not bad. Somehow, his technique is exactly what she likes, and soon she’s squeezing her thighs around his head and crying out. She shudders as she comes, moaning incoherent dirty talk. Maybe she defaults into Russian, she never really can help it. 

When she comes down, she notices he’s been jerking off, which is always a high compliment. 

“You want to fuck me, Shane?”

Shane looks up at her and nods. He’s still touching himself. 

She grabs a condom from the nightstand and pushes him down again. The push earns a gasp but when Sveta goes to put the condom on… this isn’t the hardest dick she’s ever felt in her life. Shane is scrunching his face in concentration and… huh. 

There’s no way he’s going to get on top of her and fuck her brains out. 

“You just sit there and look pretty, ok?” She teases him. The remark makes Shane’s dick twitch a little in her hand. Oh? 

Shane’s mouth opens a little once he’s fully in her. 

“I would not have guessed Mr. Canadian Hockey is so filthy.” She rolls her hips once. “But you just want to be used, don’t you, baby?” She slips into Russian.

He tips his head back and thrusts up into her. He nods frantically. “Keep—” he stops himself. 

Whatever he was going to ask for, Sveta doesn’t plan on stopping. She rides him hard, giving him her A-game. He’s watching her hips move like there will be a test later. She knows she’s good at this, she isn’t a stranger to being on top. This is the most she’s seen someone enjoy being dominated, though. They could have some fun. 

She curses in Russian when she comes, adds some more depraved sentiments he won’t understand. If she keeps telling him more of her wicked thoughts in Russian because he seems to like it, well, that’s neither here nor there. 

He tips his head back, eyes scrunched closed, and silently sobs as he finishes, too. 

Ok, Sveta thinks—which she shouldn’t be able to do after an orgasm with someone so hot, really—Shane Hollander is into some weird stuff. He likes being tossed around, and he really likes the Russian language. We can work with this, she thinks. She likes those things, too. 

He goes to the bathroom and comes back, picking his jeans off the ground. Svetlana is surprised he’s so quick to get dressed and presumably, leave. What, has Shane Hollander been conditioned by too many one-night stands and hookups? She almost laughs at the idea. 

“You can stay here tonight,” Sveta says casually. Really, she would like him to. 

Shane passes through fifteen micro-emotions with his eyebrows. “Yeah, I guess… yeah maybe I can.” He folds the jeans in his hands, puts them on the chair, and looks at the bed. “I guess I’ve never slept over before but…”

“With anyone?”

“No you’re the first…” Shane looks at her. They haven’t really defined the relationship, but she just had mediocre sex after three dates and still wants him around, so he must know they’re something. 

“There are some men’s sweatpants in that drawer.” Sveta points and then explains, so he doesn’t think she’s a total floozy, “Sometimes, my friends get too drunk and have to stay with me.” She remembers nearly a decade ago when she started keeping some of Ilya’s clothes at her place for emergencies, and the number of times they’ve come in handy. She switches them out occasionally, and picked up this pair right before she left Boston. Ilya was quick to give these sweatpants to her, and she was surprised. They’re expensive Rick Owens.

Shane takes the sweatpants out and stares at them for a long moment before he puts them on, nodding, and almost to himself saying, “Ok, yeah. I’ll stay.”

Shane wakes up at Sveta’s penthouse, pleasantly warm against another person. After dark last night he didn’t notice, but the whole place is littered with skylights, and the morning sun is blinding. 

Recently he’s started to admit to himself, quietly, that he regrets leaving Ilya that day. This—finding a woman to settle with—was supposed to be the reason he left. But now that he actually has her? It feels more like the last straw. 

He could have done better last night. He won’t admit it’s a problem, not yet. But seriously, he looks at his dick and then to a sleeping Sveta, if this isn't doing it??? The woman is a hockey encyclopedia and every guy last night was jealous.

Shane enjoyed the bar, even when she was leaning up against him and nuzzling up on his neck. Physical contact has never been something Shane enjoys, but with Sveta, at least at the bar, it was a little nice to be cuddly and cute. Even when they got back, making out in the kitchen had been fine. But they entered this bedroom and right when he probably should have been at his most eager, he wanted to bolt. Actually, it felt like the last time he saw Ilya in a lot of ways. Overwhelming realizations and the need to be as alone as physically possible. And sexy Russian dirty talk. Some of which he recognized. God, this is so fucked. 

He remembers that as being the best part, the only reason he defied all odds and actually had an orgasm at all. It wasn’t just the Russian encouragement, though that probably helped him more than anything. The sex itself was better than his other experiences with women. Maybe he really just needs to be dominated. How embarrassing is that? Even more embarrassing, Sveta just kind of… figured that out about him? Is he that obvious? Ilya knows, but they’ve had ample time to learn each other’s preferences.

Those preferences came in handy last night going down on Sveta. He’s done that before, obviously, and his technique has always been a mix of whatever Ilya does to him and things Ilya likes that can be done to female anatomy. It always seems to work well. Unfortunately, it means he’s thinking of Ilya during the act. Sveta cursing in Russian probably would have lead to that, anyway. 

He swipes a hand down his face replaying the evening like game tape. God, even the blowjob reminded him of Ilya. The same pressure, the same tongue, the same technique. It’s ridiculous, he knows, it’s not like Ilya invented blowjobs, but maybe Shane is destined to think of him every time from now on. 

Shane hates himself for being drawn to hockey and banter with a Russian accent. There are just too many reminders of Ilya here. Shane could sit anywhere and his brain could play 6 degrees of association with Ilya Rozanov, let alone in a Russian hockey fanatic’s apartment. There’s a Raiders shirt hanging out of the laundry basket. There’s a Russian cross figurine on the dresser. There’s a Russian book on the nightstand. But it’s not just Russian stuff, these sweatpants even remind him of the ones Ilya was wearing when he left— 

This is just the way Shane’s brain works now? Playing “I Spy” where every category is Ilya Rozanov? 

Shane has to get over this. He’s gotten through much worse. When he was 17 he couldn’t do a backhand slapshot, but he worked at it. Shane Hollander is not a quitter. And Sveta, perfect Sveta, seems like she would be game to try anything with him. Next time he could ask her for a finger. Or to push him around a little more. Or just more Russian. Regardless, he’s going to try this again. Just— as Sveta stirs and starts to wake up— maybe not today. 

He kisses her cheek. “Sorry, I gotta go, team meeting. I’m free in the afternoon.”

“Okey,” she says, yawning. “I had fun meeting your friends.” Her Russian accent is so thick with sleep that Shane is almost distracted from the part left unsaid: everything after that was a disappointment. 

“I think they really loved you.”

“Who wouldn’t?" Sveta teases through a laugh and Shane laughs, too, and then immediately wants to stab himself because he’s terrified that the answer might be him. He wouldn’t.

Chapter End Notes

Next: Ilya takes something of Shane’s.

 

Thanks to @Ongoing_Catastrophe for everything. Bonus thanks to @lazysongbird and @veilofimagination for being my hockey fact-check 🩶

Chapter 3: 21 Questions

Chapter Summary

Boston vs. Montreal game; Ilya makes a friend

Chapter Notes

Ilya’s POV for a second, then... Hayden Pike? Ok.

The texts are in Russian.

Boston heads to Montreal. It’s been a few weeks since they last played each other, and yesterday, Ilya tried to sprain his ankle to avoid the trip. He’s halfway glad he didn’t succeed, it would be pretty transparent to the two people he’s trying to avoid.

Svetlana Vetrova and Shane Hollander. 

What, do they get together and compare sex stories about Ilya? Svetlana talks about how dysfunctional Ilya’s childhood was and Shane agrees about how badly it fucked him up for good? They fuck to “Ilya Rozanov’s worst hockey moments” compilation videos? 

Ilya has no one. His father is dying, his brother is not helping, his best friend and his … 

He drops his bag aggressively in the change room. He doesn’t know why, especially right before a Montreal game, but he opens the text thread with Svetlana for the first time in weeks. 

Svetlana: you can’t ignore me forever
Svetlana: not saying this will be forever but a girl can dream

Svetlana: maybe I’ll see the cottage from that documentary you hate-watched LOL

Svetlana: come on ilyusha
Svetlana: I have no one to talk about sex with!!!
Svetlana: and I am having a lot of it!! Thanks for asking!

Svetlana: you’ll be in Montreal this week. Can we at least talk? 

Svetlana: Sasha and everyone are visiting.
Svetlana: we’re going to this Le Ciel club after the game tonight please please come out with us.
Svetlana: I can tell Shane to expect you
Svetlana: I haven’t even told him I know you.
Svetlana: he gets kind of annoyed when you come up LOL
Svetlana: he’s cute annoyed though so I wouldn’t mind if you came by.
Svetlana: kidding!! It’s about time I tell him anyway!
Svetlana: I think your other option is the old man bar with Hayden Pike 😂

Svetlana: good luck tonight sorry I have to wear Shane’s jersey and not yours 😢
Svetlana: maybe if you were speaking to me I would sew a half-and-half jersey.
Svetlana: play well. Still rooting for you.

Ilya breathes to calm his heart rate. He has never been this angry. Well, maybe when he first saw the pictures. Or every day since then. But learning that they actually aren’t talking about him makes it worse, almost. They’re having fun without him. They’re having sex, not thinking about him. He is no part of their relationship. 

He can’t blame Svetlana. He never told her anything about occasionally fucking—and one time, cooking for—Shane Hollander. 

But does Hollander know she’s his Svetlana? Did he pick a girl named Svetlana with a Russian accent on purpose? He must have gotten basic information by now, found out who her father is, what she does for a living. Ilya tries desperately to remember what was said about her that day, but he’s also trying hard to repress the memory. 

Shane was the one who left Ilya sitting there, so if he’s doing this to get back at him, it would be pretty fucked up. And there are too many signs that it is indeed on purpose. 

Marly claps Ilya on the shoulder and gives him the name of the club they’re going to after the game. “…But I know you’ve got your Montreal girl so we won’t wait up.” And he winks. 

Fuck. Svetlana and Hollander will be at the same club. Fuck. 

The game against Boston is shit. Hayden doesn’t know what’s gotten into Shane. His smoking hot girlfriend is here in the stands, and she knows enough to notice that he’s botching this game so badly. Montreal is coming off a winning streak, and Shane loves playing against Boston. 

So where on the ice is Shane? His headspace is all off, he’s passing when he needs to shoot, he’s slow, he’s not looking for their signals. Hayden thinks Coach is about to call him off the ice for the rest of the game. 

To make matters worse, Rozanov is on a fucking warpath. He’s playing so dirty that it’s actually working— players are avoiding him, Hayden included. Weirdly enough, he’s missing easy shots, too, when he’s not in the penalty box. 

Montreal is defeated, just barely, 1-0. Hayden is relieved when the buzzer announces the shit show is over, even if they didn’t catch up. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Shane snaps after the showers, before Hayden even opens his mouth. “I’m not— I don’t want to talk about it.”

Hayden makes a face. He never tries to make Shane “talk about it.” He always just invites him to their favorite old man bar, Shane always says no, and Hayden will still go with some of the other old and married guys anyway. The visiting team might come to the same bar, because it’s close to the hotel, and trade some friendly jabs. The rookies and young kids will go to a club, chaperoned by J.J. And Shane will be at home watching game tape. And, evidently, tonight, he’ll be irritable while he does it. 

Shane has been like this a lot the past few days. Sveta was supposed to be good for him. Honestly, Hayden can’t see how she wouldn’t be— she’d be good for just about anyone. She was at first, but now Shane is pissy and depressed. And now it’s affecting his game?

Hayden is starting to miss Lily. Even if he never knew her. 

So when he makes his pitch to come to the bar, bring Sveta again, Shane predictably says no. Unpredictably, he says they’re going to a club. And Shane says it like that, too.

Hayden chuckles at his friend’s discomfort. “You hate clubs. Just say no! She’ll be cool about it.”

Even as the words leave his mouth, Hayden knows Shane would never ever say no to anyone. Especially not a cute girl. 

Shane shrugs him off and leaves. Hayden gathers some of the guys and hits the bar. 

Well, this is awkward. Sitting alone at the bar is a very glum-looking Ilya Rozanov. Hayden has a beer with his team but can’t keep his eyes off the sad sack radiating depression across the room. Who pissed in Rozanov’s skates? And why is he alone, not clubbing, not fucking? 

Eventually the team is talking about something so boring that Hayden announces, “I’m going to go talk to him. He looks so depressed!” 

“God Hayden, you would take a rabid dog off the street.” 

“Shut up,” Hayden snaps back at his teammate. That was one time, and the dog needed medical attention. 

“Pike looks at GoFundMe like it’s OnlyFans.”

So fucking what, he’s too nice? Actually, Rozanov does look a little like that sick dog right now. Or a shelter dog. He can almost hear the twins whining, “Can we keep him? Can we, Dad? Can we keep him?” But no… Some shelter dogs are mean. Some bite. It’s usually because they’ve been mistreated, though… 

Fuck it. He’s going to go give some conversation scraps to a Rozanov-Pitbull mix. 

He crosses the room and takes the stool next to Ilya Rozanov, second-best player in the league, maybe second-best to ever live. He’s Hayden’s best friend’s biggest rival, but the man is a hockey legend. Plus his Twitter is hilarious sometimes. 

So Hayden would be lying if he said he isn’t a little starstruck, but that’s dumb. They scored the same number of goals tonight (zero). 

“Hayden Pike,” Rozanov mumbles. Hayden restrains his initial ‘he knows my name!!!’ fervor. Of course he does. He just played three periods of hockey against him, and he has for years. This is, however, the first time Rozanov has ever said a word to him off the ice. 

He knows Rozanov is an asshole. On the ice, he always says really specific stuff to get under Hayden’s skin. He chirps about how many kids Hayden has, asks about his wife Jackie, says he looks like the kind of guy who can’t grill. Fuck off, Rozanov. Who hasn’t burned some steaks and served some undercooked burgers in their life? Also, how the fuck does Rozanov even know that? How does someone look like they can’t grill??

So it’s with some internal struggle that Hayden pushes their history down, just to come to the rescue of a good hockey player in apparent distress. But maybe the guys were right, maybe this stray dog is rabid. 

“Ilya Rozanov,” Hayden replies. 

“Ilya. Just… Ilya.”

“Ok… Ilya. Probably still going to call you Rozanov, though.” Hayden laughs nervously, and Ilya shrugs. “Do you have a reason you look like baked roadkill?”

Ilya smirks. Or is it a smile? “I like this word. Roadkill.”

Hayden’s never thought about it. “Huh. Yeah, I guess it’s a cool word.”

“Roadkill,” Ilya says again, flipping the R, “is how I feel.” His accent reminds Hayden of Shane’s new girlfriend. Maybe they’re from the same part of Russia. He never asked where in Russia she’s from, and he doesn’t know where Ilya’s from either. He’ll ask Shane about Sveta. Shane better know, he had to have been doing something on those dates. Shane hasn’t provided any sexy details, so Hayden assumes they haven’t happened yet.  

“Yeah… I’m usually not the advice-giver of the group, but I can listen.”

“The babies have not yet burst your eardrum with their crying?” Then Ilya shakes his head and looks at his beer. “That was not my best. Sorry.”

Hayden doesn’t know what to say to that. “I’m kind of shocked, dude. I’ve never heard you apologize for an insult before.”

“Ah. No, I was apologizing for a bad insult. I do mean it, you have too many children.” Ilya is smiling a little. 

“We can drink in silence, too.”

Ilya laughs. It’s short, but Hayden heard it. He made Ilya Rozanov laugh. Cool. 

Rozanov starts looking at Hayden closely, assessing him like he has monetary value. “Pike, are you a bigot?”

Hayden sputters on a sip of beer, caught off guard by the question. “No?”

“Do you have gay friends? Bisexual friends?”

Hayden scrunches his face to think. “Friends, no. Most of my friends are in hockey, like on the team. Well, the new team equipment manager has really short hair and…” fuck, that’s not a great example. He doesn’t even know if she— they?… there’s gotta be someone else… “I worked with some PWHL players on this Hockey for Seniors event… I don’t know if they’re… I just…” Head in the game, Pike! What are you doing?? “I think my wife’s distant cousin is gay-married. He seems pretty happy… but he doesn’t talk to us because my in-laws—” holy shit, Hayden has never flubbed something so dramatically in his life. He feels terrible about this answer and, instead of naming every gay person he’s ever even heard of, he gives up. “I’ve never thought about it. I guess I should expand my social circle.” 

Ilya looks him in the face. He’s summing him up. Hayden feels distinctly analyzed. Maybe this was the wrong answer? Or, set of answers? It wouldn’t shock him if Rozanov was a dick in this regard, too. It might actually kill whatever sympathy brought Hayden over here to begin with.

“Ok.” Ilya seems to reach a conclusion. “I will be your first.” He holds out a hand for Hayden to shake, but Hayden is so shocked (and the angle is all wrong), he can only really give a small squeeze to Ilya’s hand. “I like both.”

Oh god, is Rozanov going to hit on him? No, that's dumb. And homophobic. No, fuck… biphobic? Is that a word? Luckily Hayden’s spiral is cut short—

“It means I have girl troubles and boy troubles. So I can drink twice as much when I am sad.”

Hayden probably shouldn’t, but he laughs at that. Ilya smiles, too, so it’s ok. 

Ilya sighs. “My best friend…” he almost says a name, but doesn’t, “I have known her a long time. We get together and we fuck sometimes. But she has a boyfriend now.”

Hayden nods. Doesn’t really seem like Ilya had to come out of the closet for this particular problem, but ok. 

“The boyfriend is…” he considers his words carefully, maybe translating in his head? “…also someone I fucked for years.”

Ah. He did need to come out for this story. And what a fucking story! “Fuck,” Hayden gasps. “That’s awful they’d do that to you!” He says the words and then, because of his newfound heightened sensitivity, he checks his monogamous hetero privilege. Maybe Rozanov hasn’t gotten to the problem yet. So far, it sounds like everybody but the new couple are just fuckbuddies. 

“They do not know about each other,” Rozanov says, “they think they are strangers.” Hayden’s mouth drops open. This is officially the coolest story he’s ever heard and it’s only been three sentences. “Well, she does not know about him. He… I am not so sure. We did not leave on speaking terms.”

“What happened with him?” Hayden asks, his voice just above a whisper. Ilya looks amused for the first time since his story started. Hayden must be wearing his intrigue all over his face, but he’s too immersed to care. He never thought he’d be invested in Ilya Rozanov’s lovelife. 

“There is a term I like. Actually… She taught me it. I caught feelings. Like a cold? Caught feelings,” he repeats it, staring off into space. 

Holy fuck. Ilya Rozanov caught feelings for a guy. 

“And it wasn’t viral?” Hayden asks and Ilya cocks his head. “He didn’t catch them too?” he explains. 

Ilya laughs coldly. “He did. But, he is smarter. We cannot be anything.” He sighs again. “Do you know how many professional hockey players are gay, Hayden Pike?”

Ah. That would be an issue. Ilya wouldn’t be able to have a meaningful public relationship with this guy. “Yeah, good point… there are none.”

“Wrong,” Ilya says without emotion. “We will never know. Because they will fuck in secret. And come to games where people call them faggot. And they will leave, and go fuck in secret again.”

Hayden thinks on this. It’s so sad, what Ilya is saying. He feels like it’s profound, and he gives it a minute to settle. “If you had to give a percentage…” Hayden starts a tactless question and catches himself. 

Thank God Ilya laughs. He waves his hand in the air like it doesn’t matter, but still answers. “I think there are maybe seven, maybe eight of us in the league.” Hayden resists the very tempting urge to start guessing. 

“Ok. So it’s a problem for him that you couldn’t be public.” Hayden guesses at that instead. Feels safer. 

“Yes.” Ilya sighs. “It is very complicated. I would not be able to go back to Russia.”

“Oh fuck, there’s that, too.” Hayden remembers the headlines from the Sochi Olympics. He didn’t even consider it could apply to hockey players. He really needs to start checking his assumptions and privilege. “So… now the guy is going out with your best friend. And they— at least she doesn’t know that you two also used to…”

“Bang,” Ilya says with wistful longing, like he's picturing it in a dream. Ok, Hayden is cool with two guys banging, but he’s not necessarily cool with anyone wistfully thinking about having sex in the middle of a conversation with him. 

“Why is he going out with her if he likes you, though?” 

“You know—” Ilya stops himself short. “He is a very determined person. He thinks he can forget me, or forget all this happened. Maybe he can. If anyone could…” 

God, Hayden really didn’t wake up this morning thinking he’d feel bad for Ilya Rozanov. Or that he’d know so much about him. Ilya buys a pitcher of beer while Hayden is shell-shocked. He continues to talk, telling Hayden how it happened. Hayden knows he’s only getting one side of the story, but he can’t imagine what the other side would be to make him less sympathetic to Rozanov. It sounds like Rozanov had a great day with the guy, the guy just panicked and left. The guy left the love of his life with his dick out and a week later fucks his best friend. 

Rozanov finishes, “So they are out tonight, with all my friends from home. She asked me to go and… I cannot do that to myself. So I have no one.” Ilya raises his glass and grins like he won something. “But now I have Hayden Pike.” 

“Hell yeah you do,” Hayden responds to the most surreal exchange he’s ever had. Shane is going to kill him.

The two talk for a few minutes, mostly hockey gossip, then they discover they both like Breaking Bad, which shifts the conversation a little. But within one beer, Ilya’s phone is lighting up with a call from a contact Svetlana. He tries to hide it from Hayden, which is weird. 

“Is that the best friend? Svetlana?” 

“Yes,” Ilya answers curtly and runs a thumb over his beer glass. 

“She’s Russian like you?” Hayden asks. Hang on. 

“Yes.”

Hayden shifts uncomfortably. A looming truth is poking out from under the surface here. There’s only two or three more questions he could possibly ask before the dreaded answer becomes inescapable. A woman named Svetlana who is friends with a hockey star? Hayden breathes and gets it over with.

“She lives in Boston?”

“Yes, she does.” Ilya appears heartened by this, and relaxes a bit. Fuck, Hayden doesn’t want him to get too comfortable. 

Hayden winces. “But… she wants you to come out with them tonight. Here in Montreal.”

Ilya tenses again and takes a sip of his beer. 

Oh god, ok. Svetlana is Sveta, Shane’s new girlfriend. Which makes Shane— 

“Oh, fuck.”

“Yes. Fuck.”

Chapter End Notes

Yoink! Listen, if you thought this wasn’t going to end in Haydenov friendship, then you don’t know me at all. You might be wondering if I’m running out of meetcutes for those two knuckleheads, I’m not. I will never.

 
Next: Shane’s big night at the club with Sveta and her friends 👀.

 

I’m catching up to what I have pre-written, so might be more than a few days this time. Updates on updates are always on my Tumblr!

Chapter 4: Hide and Seek

Chapter Summary

Shane has a night out at a club making friends and discoveries.

Chapter Notes

Khamovniki is a neighborhood in Moscow. Thank you to @masturblaine and friends for yet again being my Russia resource and picking the neighborhood where Sveta and Ilya most likely grew up.

Shane’s POV, then Hayden’s right at the end. Gentle reminder that everyone is unreliable. Opinions and theories are those of the narrators, not me.

After losing to Boston, Shane is ready to continue the most uncomfortable night of his life.

Sveta’s friends from Russia are visiting, and she wants Shane to meet them. He thinks it’s probably fair; she spent time with his friends, right? And this is what relationships are, meeting your partner’s childhood friends. He thinks. Probably. Last time he was in a relationship, he was 17 and they had all of the same childhood friends, because they were children. He’s never met Ilya’s childhood friends… but that wasn’t a relationship.

Needless to say, Shane is a ball of nerves. It has nothing to do with their Boston game earlier, it’s strictly about Sveta’s friends. Definitely not how Ilya Rozanov is in his city somewhere right now and for the first time in years, not heading to his place. 

So Shane made sure J.J. was coming to the same club with the rookies, and he promised to be a buffer for Shane. This has worked for their friendship since they met. J.J. loves meeting people, Shane… not so much.  

His beautiful girlfriend smiling at him and waving them over to her table is not really enough to make it better, though it’s a little more comforting than he thought it might be. She’s there with a small group of guys, most of whom are speaking Russian.

She goes around introducing all of them “…and Sasha,” she finishes while pointing to the last man, who is eyeing Shane like he’s candy, “…who has promised to behave.” Shane doesn’t make much more eye contact after that. 

“Sorry Sveta’s friends are all hot men,” Sasha says in a Russian accent. It sounds so much like Ilya’s. Fuck, if this is going to be everyone’s accent all night, Shane needs a stiff drink. He also needs to not drink at all. 

“Shane is not a jealous man,” Sveta defends him. “He does not need to be.” 

Sasha says something in Russian that makes them all laugh. When Shane gives her an inquisitive look, Sveta translates, “Some of my lovers have been very jealous men. This is refreshing for me.”

Shane wonders briefly what that’s like, to have someone who cares so much about you, they don’t want you with other people. He finds he really likes the idea. He doesn’t feel this way about Sveta. He likes her a lot, obviously. But he doesn’t mind that she hangs out with all these men. 

But, as he considers each of the men, maybe there’s another reason. Not to be stereotyping anyone, and maybe he’s not the best judge, but these men are visibly queer. They’re all in tight clothes and earrings, other jewelry... Maybe it’s a European thing but Ilya isn’t like this. Right? He’s never seen Ilya in a club setting, but he’s not dressed like this in the tabloids Shane pretends not to see. Or purchase. 

Is that why Shane doesn’t feel jealous or possessive about Sveta tonight? These guys aren’t a threat. He hates the nagging little voice that wants her—or anyone, really—to be like that about him. The way Sasha is looking at him right now should be making Sveta mad. He has a sudden vision of Ilya here at this club. Would he allow this? Would he try to mark his territory? Would he— Shane shudders and tries to focus on his date. Instead of marking her territory, Sveta is happily chatting with someone else, knowing or assuming that this Sasha guy isn’t a threat because Shane isn’t into men.

And she’d be right. He’s done with men. He is exclusively attracted to women from now on. This woman. 

Besides, Sasha isn’t really Shane’s type… One of the other guys looks like he might work out. His tight t-shirt is pulling over his biceps, and… ok. Fine. Shane is into men.

But he looks at Sveta and he really does feel something. It’s cozy, it’s nice. He takes her hand and she smiles at him. It’s nice. 

Shane goes to the bar to get another round and Sasha follows him. 

“He is not going to like this,” Sasha remarks, gesturing at the two drinks in front of Shane, one for him and one for Sveta. 

“Who?” Shane asks, despite having thirty other questions. He must have misheard him under the loud music.

“The man you are trying to make jealous,” Sasha says into his ear, so there’s no mishearing him. When he pulls back, he winks. 

Shane turns around and exits the conversation without responding. This is why gay people make him so nervous. He’s already been clocked? And Sasha’s trying to give him relationship advice for his… ex? Sasha doesn’t even know Ilya… wait. 

Does Sasha know Ilya?

No. That’s xenophobic. Russia is a huge country with a bajillion people. Plus, Sveta is from Khamovniki so Shane assumes that’s where these guys are from too. He's not sure where in Russia that is, he should probably look it up at some point, but Ilya is from Moscow, not Khamovniki. 

Later, as they’re dancing, and Shane is trying not to let Sasha grind too hard against his ass, he spots someone familiar over Sveta’s shoulder and his gut drops. 

It’s Cliff Marlow. And Connors? St-Simon… all the Boston players.

Which means Ilya Rozanov can’t be far away. 

He pecks Sveta on the cheek, there on the dance floor, and excuses himself to the bathroom. Along the way, he sees the other guys, nods to them, but Shane is looking for their Captain. 

He doesn’t see him. He does another lap of the club, searching. He does go to the bathroom eventually, but only to look for… he’s not there. Shane stops his frantic search in front of the mirror in the bathroom. 

Ilya has probably already gone home with someone. He’s probably inside of someone right now. He’s fucking someone, and… yeah, there’s the jealousy. Oh fucking well if he is… Shane could be, too. His gut suggests Sveta’s various friends, but he makes himself think about Sveta smiling at him and ok. Maybe tonight will be better. 

Shane washes his hands at the sink. He looks at himself in the mirror, still frantic, and shakes his head that he cares this much. 

He checks the time. It’s only 10:30 but Ilya already left with someone? Shane has always assumed Ilya stays out late even when he scores. Maybe he didn’t come here at all, but why would he—

Shane lets his elbows fall onto the counter and holds his head in his hands. 

There’s an inescapable truth lying in here, somewhere between Sasha’s cryptic message and the sexy Russian accents he’s had to endure all night.  

What if these are Ilya’s friends? It would make Sveta—

His spiral cut short by the door opening. He stands up straight but relaxes a little when he sees it’s J.J. 

“Dude, I thought you left, but Sveta said you didn’t say bye—” J.J. eyes him. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah.” Shane switches them to English, “I just…” he is too shocked to deny J.J. this meltdown. “I think… and this is crazy. It can’t be true but I just had this thought like…” J.J. looks at him like he’s rambling, which, yeah, fair. Shane breathes. “I think Sveta slept with my… um… a person I…” he trails off, unable to put a definition on his relationship with Ilya even for this. 

J.J. takes a second but then smirks at him, which is not the reaction Shane expected. “Oh, right, because she is bisexual! Damn, Lily was too?”

“How does everyone know about Lily?” Shane grumbles and futzes with a stiff paper towel in his hand. But… that’s one way to describe Lily. And Sveta, come to think of it. “Sveta told you she’s…?”

“Like, the first thing she said.” J.J. laughs and wags his finger. “You have a thing for bisexuals from Boston.”

Shane lets out a surprised laugh. “I guess, man.”

“Ok, so they had a little drunk hookup?” J.J. shrugs. 

“No, if it’s true, they’re like best friends, and I think they did it a lot, actually…” Shane’s heart hurts. He doesn’t want to inspect that. 

“Why are you mad? This is hot.”

Shane laughs again at his friend’s lack of filter. He knows it’s not really what J.J. is talking about, he’s thinking about two women together. But still, Shane tries to picture it, stupidly: Ilya and Sveta, actually doing it. To his shock and sinking feeling, it… makes sense. They appear hot in his imagination. He knows they would know each other well, and maneuver each other’s bodies with ease. Goddammit, they fuck the same way.

Fuck. It’s hot and nerve wracking but it’s also so right. His doubts are rapidly fading. Sveta really could be Ilya’s Svetlana. 

Shane should probably just tell J.J., and he’s just panicked enough to make that decision. He closes his eyes but as he’s preparing the words ‘Lily was a guy,’ the bathroom door opens and it’s Cliff Marlow. 

“Sup fellas?” He says casually. He takes up station at a urinal. Usually, that would stop a normal person from conversing. Unfortunately, this is Cliff Marlow. “I saw who you’re with, Hollander. Dang.”

“Uhh…” Shane shifts his weight awkwardly. 

“Rozanov is going to be pissed.” Well, there goes a good share of deniability.

“Rozanov?” J.J. asks. 

Marlow laughs, “That’s Rozy’s best friend. Or, I guess, friend with benefits.” He finishes at the urinal and heads to the sink. Shane refuses to look at J.J. “I’m a little pissed, too. Rozanov never let us try with her. But I guess you don’t have to worry about keeping him on your good side, huh?” 

“Where is he?” The question is out of Shane’s mouth without his permission.

Marlow shrugs. “He’s with his Montreal girl. He never comes out when we’re here.” 

Shane makes an undefinable sound as Marlow dries his hands, and continues, “I might go say hi to your girl. If I shoot my shot now, maybe Roz will be ok with it. Couldn’t be worse than you, right?” He nods to them as he’s leaving, like he didn’t just say he’s going to hit on Shane’s girlfriend. “See you out there.”

This is where Shane should feel jealous. He doesn’t. He stares at the ground, leaning his hip on the sink as the door closes behind Marlow. 

J.J.’s back hits the wall. “Shane.”

Shane looks at one of his best friends. Hayden will kill them if he finds out J.J. learned about this before him, but… J.J. is looking like he saw a ghost and a monster and his parents fucking, all at once. 

“Shane, Sveta is Ilya Rozanov’s girl?”

Oh, maybe… maybe J.J. hadn’t put the two conversations together. Shane nods. “I’m starting to think maybe she is.”

J.J. looks suspicious. “And… fuckbuddy. And best friend…”

Shane makes a noncommittal sound. 

“…and you think Sveta also hooked up with Lily…” 

“I…” Shane wants to throw him off the scent, do something, but he can’t. He was about to tell him when Marlow came in anyway. It doesn’t make it easier to confirm it. “Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“So if you could just… not tell anyone—”

“Shane.” He returns to French, “I think you may be the stupidest man alive for picking that asshole, and then fucking his girlfriend, but I will not say anything.”

“Thanks.” Shane lowers his head and resumes his freakout about the subject at hand. 

“Oh hang on…” J.J.’s voice pulls him out of it again, and when Shane looks up, J.J. looks like he’s studying him. “You like him.” 

Shane stares at J.J. for too long and figures he might as well admit it to someone, even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself. He reverts his gaze back down to the ground. “Yeah.” 

Shane can’t concentrate on driving, and it’s not the two light beers he had at the club. And it’s not Sveta’s hand on his thigh. 

What if this is Svetlana?

They get into her kitchen, and she offers a bottle of water. Shane sets aside the knowledge that if this were Ilya, Shane would already be naked. She slides the water bottle across the counter and is about to ask Shane something when her phone rings on the counter, and the name is in Cyrillic letters. “Shit, this is Sasha. They all better all be alive, we only left twenty minutes ago.” She answers in Russian and steps out of the space. 

Shane looks around the room. He’s been here a few times now but never really sat here alone like this. She’s a messy person, Shane thinks, or maybe he’s just trying to find reasons to break up with her without outing both himself and Ilya. There are bags and boxes half-way unpacked everywhere, even though she moved in weeks ago. Blankets are strewn across the couch, not folded. There are piles of papers on the kitchen island next to where he sits. Maybe it’s this evening’s questions still lingering in his mind, but he lets himself eye the papers and just barely makes out a name: Svetlana Vetrova. 

Christ, that’s really weird. So she’s not Ilya’s friend. Ilya’s “steady woman” was named Svetlana, but her father is Sergei Vetrov. Not Vetrova. It’s really close though. 

God, why does she have to have this mail that says Svetlana? Maybe she has a sister named Svetlana. But no… Cliff Marlow recognized her. Shane grasps onto anything— maybe Sveta and Svetlana are twins.

Sveta comes back into the room, “Sasha forgot his hotel key. He also forgot he is staying with three other people. Drunk idiots.” She looks at Shane and fondness washes over her face. She stands close to where he sits on the high stool and cups his cheek. “Are you ok?”

Shane doesn’t mean to, but he blurts out, “Do you have a twin sister named Svetlana?”

She freezes. Shit, Shane probably freaked her out by asking. Her brow furrows in confusion. “Shane? My name is Svetlana, why would my parents do that to us?”

“Wait, but… you’re Sveta.”

“Oh my god!” Sveta— Svetlana? barks in laughter. “Sveta is short for Svetlana. I thought you knew this!” She keeps giggling, making Shane feel very stupid. How did he not know that? “Why are you asking now?”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have been looking at anything,” But your place is such a mess, “I saw your mail.” He points to the end of the counter at the stack of papers. 

“It’s ok! You are allowed to know my name, Shane.” She laughs again. “I thought you did.”

Ok. So her name is Svetlana, so what? They still have a different last name.

“You know that goaltender Sergei Vetrov?” Shane starts. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, reciting his train of thought to leapfrog his way to Ilya Rozanov. But now that he’s started, he can’t stop. “Your last name is really close to that.”

Her eyebrows shoot up and the amused look doesn’t leave. “Shane. How do you… you play hockey with so many Russians and you do not know how this works??” What? Shane shakes his head in confusion. Sveta just rolls her eyes. “This is my father, this Sergei Vetrov. Vetrova is for girls.”

No. No.

“So…” Shane swallows. “So you’re his… daughter.” He decides that’s enough clarification, though he really wants to check one more time about the twin sister with the same name… 

Sveta studies him for too long. She looks like she’s deciding something. Maybe whether Shane is too ill-informed to still take to bed tonight. “Yes. He will sign a jersey for you, he hates you.” 

“Nice.” Shane tries to laugh. 

But… fuck. 

This is Ilya’s best friend. Who he fucks sometimes. Does she… know? 

Oh my god… is Shane some sort of prop in a game between Ilya and Sveta?

He looks at her and she’s still studying him. She is very pretty. And standing close to him, hands still on his face. Her lips are shiny and for the first time, tempting. Those lips have kissed Ilya. When? It must have been before she moved to Montreal, which Shane thinks was after he walked out on Ilya. Still… and Shane is sick for thinking this… he wants. 

Shane leans in to kiss her and— fuck. This is the most he’s enjoyed kissing Sveta. That alone should be some sort of indication, but he doesn’t care. He’s kissing Ilya again. He cups her jaw, he pretends to be him. Then he pretends she is him. Either way Shane thinks about it, there’s a tiny version of Ilya Rozanov sandwiched between their tongues and Shane is obsessed with the feeling. 

“I should have told you I am related to hockey royalty a long time ago,” Sveta laughs after finally breaking the kiss. 

It’s the most successful evening they’ve had. 

In the locker room the next day, before another game, Shane decides he will never, ever tell anyone exactly what took place over the last few weeks… Especially not what happened last night. Should he feel bad for still doing it after he knew she was Svetlana? It doesn’t matter, it was nice. With Ilya’s ghost in the room, he felt safe to ask for what he actually wanted. Sveta was happy to oblige, she gave him two fingers, and she didn’t make him feel weird about asking. But, it just made the longing worse. He wanted to say Ilya’s name. Maybe he should have, then she’d catch on and maybe this whole thing could be decided for him. 

He doesn’t know what, if anything, Ilya’s told her about them, or about himself. Hopefully nothing. It seems like nothing. 

If she does know… what a shitty friend. More likely, did Ilya send her? To spy on Shane? Is she being paid to fuck him? Or is this some sort of weird sex game for the two of them, and Shane is a pawn?

No… she can’t know about them, because no one knows about them. 

Hayden settles at the cubby next to his. Shane is still a little worried that Sveta and Ilya are laughing about him behind his back, so he appreciates his best friend even more. He also wants to make sure he can tell Hayden everything J.J. figured out last night before J.J. can. He trusts J.J., but Hayden has this uncanny ability to stumble across secrets. Shane remembers how he basically found out Lily’s name through osmosis. 

“Hey!” Shane says cheerfully. I mean, he did get satisfactorily laid last night. 

Hayden shifts his gaze and looks uncomfortable. “Hi.” It’s cold and curt and that’s fair, Shane has been a dick to him for weeks. He deserves a little sass.

He looks Hayden in the eye. “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole. I was really going through it and… yeah. I’m sorry.”

Hayden looks down, not meeting Shane’s gaze. “It’s ok. It’s whatever.” This is weird. Hayden is like a golden retriever—he’s always happy to see Shane. 

Before he can feel too hurt about it, Comeau rounds the corner. He grins when he sees Hayden, who almost looks like he wants to run away. “Hayden Pike! I was afraid we wouldn’t see you again after we left you at the bar!” 

Oh, maybe Hayden is hungover? No, it’s evening. That can’t be— can it? Shane’s never really been drunk enough to know how long hangovers actually last. 

Hayden makes a beeline out of the room toward the bathrooms. Comeau shakes his head. He laughs in Shane’s direction. “I’m surprised you’re still on speaking terms.” 

“What? Why?” Shane furrows his brow in confusion. 

“He shut down the bar having a heart-to-heart with Ilya Rozanov,” Comeau says the name like a vile secret. 

Shane feels numb. Oh shit. What the fuck would they have to talk about except… fuck. Shane balls his fists and heads into the bathroom after Hayden. He can hear Comeau calling, “...that’s the kind of reaction I expected!”

Hayden feels like he cheated on Shane.

Then again, he’s also angry at his best friend for what he can only describe as relationship war crimes. Shane entering, and then locking, the bathroom door kind of scares Hayden, which is dumb. Shane isn’t a violent guy. 

Hayden pretends to be washing his hands and nods at Shane. 

“What—” Shane starts and then clamps his mouth shut. “I just heard you had a long conversation with Ilya Rozanov after our game.” Ah, fuck. Well Shane’s good mood lasted for seven minutes. Oh well. 

“Hey man, I invited you out. You wanted to go to a club with Svetlana.” He doesn’t mean for the name to come out like that, but he can’t help it. After hours at the bar, despite Ilya’s insistence that Shane is the only one in the wrong here, Hayden has a suspicion: Sveta knows. How could she not? Once the pieces were accidentally put together for Hayden, it’s hard not to see the truth between these two guys. If Sveta had even one more clue than Hayden…

“Svet—” Shane pauses and looks genuinely curious. “Did you know Sveta is short for Svetlana?” 

“Did you know that?” 

Oh god, Shane never made the connection? Ilya had some pretty convincing arguments that Shane knew exactly who Svetlana was. Hayden digs into his pocket for his phone. Ilya has been texting with him all day, and it’s awesome. Now, he doesn’t know whether this is good or bad news. 

“No, I…” Shane stops to ask, “Who are you texting?” Eh fuck, that was obvious. He puts the phone along with the half-crafted text into his pocket.

“Just checking the time. Game’s soon. We should—”

“The game isn’t for an hour and a half. You’d be playing Angry Birds on your phone to ‘get your head in the game’ until then.” Shane’s voice and air quotes are angry but Hayden doesn’t really know what he did wrong. Also, Ilya told him to try Candy Crush, so no Angry Birds for Hayden today.

“Are you mad at me? For hanging out with Ilya? …Rozanov?” He tacks on the last name to mask their new first-name basis. 

“No,” Shane says quickly. “You can hang out with whoever. I just…” he sighs and it seems to calm him. He’s careful as he says, “I just wonder what you talked about.” 

Hayden carefully chooses his words, too. “We both play hockey. We both watch Breaking Bad.” He shrugs. Yeah, that sums up about fifteen minutes of their 4-hour conversation. 

“It’s… if you talked about me, I’d want to know.” Shane still sounds like he’s thinking hard as he speaks. How long have they been keeping this secret, calculating words in their head? Hayden’s 20 minutes into this and it feels like his brain might explode. 

“You’re the center of the universe?” Hayden makes a show of rolling his eyes. “We just… had a lot in common. We have the same sense of humor. I made him laugh.” He remembers his first thought was to brag to Shane about it, before he found out Shane had unceremoniously broken Ilya’s heart. He’s glad he still got to brag, though. 

“So what, you’re best friends now? You’ll send a Christmas card to his mother?”

Hayden cocks his head, confused. Ilya may have overstated their relationship a bit… you should know whether the love of your life has a mother. “Uhh… his mom is dead, Shane.” 

Shane turns pale. “Oh fuck. I didn’t know… I—” his hand flinches to the phone in his pocket but he just stares at the ground. After a second, he pulls himself out of it, “I don’t know him that well.”

Hayden needs to get off this topic. Ilya swore him to total secrecy with some very flashy and colorful threats. 

“Anyway, how was the club? How was after?” He pumps his eyebrows but God, it feels so wrong. He kind of wants to scold Shane for what he did to Ilya. He definitely doesn’t want to hear about him going home and boning Ilya’s best friend. 

Surprisingly, Shane relaxes a little and looks smug. “It was good.” He’s wearing a little smirk. 

Oh my God, Shane did it with Sveta last night. Ilya had said they’ve been doing it. Sveta’s texts said so, but Shane has never looked like that. Last night must have been something special. 

Hayden is trying to keep assumptions in check and though they speculated last night, Ilya couldn’t say one way or the other if Shane actually likes women as well as men. 

He also stressed the importance of not outing anyone and letting Shane do it on his own time and everything but… Hayden just wants him to know it’s ok. Shane will likely never, ever tell him, if it’s up to him. 

As they move back out into the change room, Hayden looks around the room and calculates the number of people he’d probably have to fight if Shane came out of the closet, especially with Ilya Rozanov. He understood last night, but the visual is jarring. J.J. would be fine. Shit— J.J. is going to be pissed Hayden knew first.

Chapter End Notes

I promise that’s not a cliffhanger, just a fun buzzy little wink for you! I like to think they both found out at the exact same time.

Next: Shane learns even more! He truly is a #LifeLongLearner.

You may have noticed the chapter count solidified. There will be 9 chapters. If it changes, it will be to go up, not down. I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be fewer before committing, but it looks like no matter what happens there will be at least 9.

Chapter 5: Two Truths and a Lie

Chapter Summary

Shane finds common ground with Sveta’s Ilya’s friends; Sveta and Shane have an honest discussion, peg to hole.

Chapter Notes

The torment nexus is real and CAN hurt you, Shane.

Sveta’s friends are still in town, and she asks Shane to hang out with them after his game. He agrees without thinking too much about it, even though he’s exhausted after back-to-back gamenights, one of which was against Boston. 

He’s still shocked at Sveta’s identity. He hasn’t broken up with her, clearly, but he’s resolved not to be physical with her again. When he found out she’s Ilya’s Svetlana, she was just a little hard to resist. Now, he’s had a full day to think about the implications of intentionally sleeping with your ex-fuckbuddy’s fuckbuddy, and there’s no positive way Shane can spin it anymore. Their days are numbered.

He can’t break up with her in front of her friends. Maybe tomorrow morning, he thinks with relief. But what is he supposed to say? “Hey, I’ve been banging—and occasionally having feelings for—your childhood best friend and adult hook-up, so we probably shouldn’t date.”? He can’t out Ilya, and he doesn’t really want to out himself. Maybe he can make her do it. No… he just won’t have sex with her tonight and then tomorrow he’ll break up with her, and everyone can forget this ever happened. This whole experiment will be done, and Shane will start over and try this again with some other hockey-obsessed woman with a Russian accent, or… 

He doesn’t want to think about “or.” He doesn’t want to think about other women, either.

Shane is doing this planning quietly in Sveta’s living room, surrounded by Sveta’s friends. The Russians are keeping it mostly in English for him, but he’s not following the conversation anyway. All he can do is stare at Sveta next to him on the loveseat and wonder. 

She is Ilya’s. This is so fucked up. 

He hates to admit it, but Cliff Marlow was right— Ilya is going to kill him. God, he must be pissed at Shane. 

And that wouldn’t matter, Shane wouldn’t care, except he admitted out loud last night that he likes Ilya. Sure it was just to J.J., and who is J.J. going to tell? But still, that truth is starting to settle in his bones, making all of this very weird. It’s the only reason Shane hasn’t texted Ilya apologizing profusely. That, and he should probably break up with Svetlana first.

Plus, Ilya apparently talked to Hayden for four hours. So Shane has reason to be mad at Ilya, too. He just wishes he actually were mad at him. What did they talk about? Breaking Bad? For four hours? 

The Russian friends all laugh, pulling Shane back into the present.

“I tried my best to get him to come to the club last night,” Sveta announces. She eyes her friends cautiously and then turns to Shane to say, “I didn’t want to tell you unless he came out with us… but Ilya Rozanov actually grew up with these boys. And me.”

“Oh, really?” Shane tries to put on a Chill and Cool face as he lies, “Oh, that would have been fine. I don’t even really know him.” That was made evidently clear when Hayden of all fucking people had to tell him Ilya’s mom is dead. “The rivalry is mostly the media, making it look like we hate each other.” 

“Is it?” Sveta has this weird knowing smile, like she knows he’s lying, that the rivalry is very much real. 

Shane turns to the group. “So how do you know him?” He finds himself interested—actually, desperate for hints of Ilya’s childhood, which is crazy when you think about it. 

But they all humor him. One of the guys tells him about building forts and playing war, the next says they were neighbors in Khamovniki (Shane makes a note to actually look up where Khamovniki actually is), Sveta says English class, and Sasha…

“My father coached the hockey team.”

Shane freezes. Maybe he didn’t hear that correctly. 

“You were his coach’s son?” 

Sasha smiles suggestively. “That is one way we know each other, yes.” Sveta blatantly shoots daggers through her eyes. 

Shane doesn’t know what his face must be doing. Or his hands. Or his breathing. 

Ilya cited his coach’s son as the one boy he had experienced before Shane. Shane remembers it because it sounded like something out of his wet dreams, although now he can say his coach’s son was a lot different than Sasha. 

So Ilya learned sex from the people in this room, and this is Shane’s nightmare. But he has David Hollander’s manners, there’s no way he can leave right now. So he… fuck it. He leans into it.

He wants to ask Sasha for literally every detail of every single sexual encounter he ever had with Ilya Rozanov, and maybe could they recreate them? Instead, he asks, “What was Rozanov like as a kid?”

They all giggle. 

“He was trouble,” Sveta says. 

“The good kind of trouble, though.” Sasha winks.

“He still is,” Shane shakes his head before remembering himself. He’s quick to add, “The regular kind of trouble, I mean. He’s an asshole.” 

One of the guys whines, “Why does Shane Hollander still get to be mean to Ilyusha?”

Sveta glares at her friend. “Because Shane Hollander doesn’t know that his father is sick and dying.” 

…What? Shane whips his head to Sveta, for the second time in two days, caught off-guard by Ilya Rozanov’s apparently terrible family life. “Sorry I— I didn’t know.” He's been saying that a lot. Sveta pats his knee in reassurance. 

“It’s ok. He is an asshole.” They all laugh. Shane tries, too.

They share Ilya stories with Shane. It’s surreal, he keeps reminding himself, to be talking openly about Ilya Rozanov to these people who have known and loved him for years. 

“Your turn! You must have some fun stories about him, too, Shane,” Sasha flirts. Maybe he has a condition where everything coming out of his mouth sounds like a flirtation. Shane should really look into donating money to find a cure. 

“About Ilya Rozanov?” He has thousands of Ilya Rozanov stories, and hundreds he cannot tell in present company. Or any company. His brain flips through those like a highlight reel: The time Shane came while just blowing him, the time they broke their own record number of orgasms, the time Rozanov tried to fuck him one wall away from Scott Hunter. The time Ilya made him lunch and Shane broke his diet and they joked about other players and cities and Shane tried to take Ilya’s mind off a stressful phone call with his father and oh god… 

“...Yes, ideally, about Ilya Rozanov.” Sveta giggles. Oh, Shane has been thinking for too long. 

“Sorry,” Shane snaps out of it, putting a particularly tender stairwell kiss on the list of Do Not Under Any Circumstances Recall This Out Loud. “I’m trying to think… I don’t really have many. I mean, I love All-Stars Weekend because I always beat his records. I guess we both got a hat trick in the same game once, that was cool. That’s only happened like… a few dozen times in history.” 

That was a great night, both for hockey and non-hockey reasons. Ilya was able to commend his hockey abilities in bed because they were equal— they were equal and unparalleled. Shane remembers Ilya whispering, ‘You are so fucking good at hockey, malysh. We are the greatest to ever play,’ as he thrust in deep, desperate, strokes that Shane can still feel in his ribs. He’ll probably never hear that again. He also should stop thinking like this, unless he wants to explain why he has a terrifying boner just from talking about Ilya Rozanov.

“You do not talk at all off the ice?” one of them asks. “Anything other than hockey?” 

“Umm…” A safe memory comes up. “There was one time we did an ad together. Before our first season, actually, when CCM was trying to buy into the rivalry early. They wanted us to act like we were doing a really intense faceoff for the ad, but…” Shane remembers Ilya trying not to laugh and can’t help his own smile retelling it. “We were teenagers, and immature. And we couldn’t stop laughing. I don’t even know if they got anything usable for the ad. They must have, because we got paid. Well, I did, I don’t know if Rozanov did…” he trails off.

He stares at his thumb tracing a line of condensation down his ginger ale. He thinks about how brave it must have been for Ilya to approach him like that, to know or assume something about Shane, see that he wanted it, and act on it. Shane has never been that brave. Sure, meeting up is risky, so it requires some bravery, but he could never just walk up to a stranger and jerk off at them, ask for their room number. Thinking about it makes Shane want to be brave.

When he looks up, they’re all staring at him. Fuck. It wasn’t that great of a story, in anyone else’s opinion.

Shane tries to save himself, “So yeah, he’s always been pretty unprofessional. One time, we were set to present an award and he showed up like ten seconds before we had to go on.” 

“I remember that!” Sveta exclaims. “I was there!” 

Shane remembers asking ‘with who?’ when Ilya said he was late because he was busy.

With Sveta, apparently. 

“And,” she continues, “if it is any help, I can relate. He left me alone after he won MVP. I was stuck talking to Marlow, and Connors never did stop looking at my tits. Didn’t see Ilya again until our flight.”

Shane laughs, because everyone else is laughing, and because the situation he’s gotten into is the fucking worst.

Svetlana knows. 

Shane Hollander is gay. 

She peers at Shane over her coffee mug in her kitchen the next morning. At least he shrugged her off last night instead of giving her another round of the worst sex of her entire life. 

Well, that’s not fair. At least he tries, and cares whether she feels good and finishes. Svetlana knows some partners don’t, and she’s walked out on those men and left them alone, naked, and wanting. She would not do that to Shane. He’s not halfway bad at it, and he knows what she likes. It’s comfortable. He feels like home. 

But… he should know that he does not find women attractive. Hopefully this won’t be a shock. 

Maybe she could start by getting him to admit he likes men. It’s not any indication on its own, but he did ask for butt stuff, which Svetlana used to elicit the most enthusiastic orgasm she’s seen from him. She did the same for Sasha in high school, and ironically, once for Ilya, but less successfully. How many hockey boys can she possibly finger? She sees a new goal on the horizon and thinks of Cliff Marlow and J.J. Boiziau. Pike is married. Does his wife count? Sveta would definitely finger his wife.

Shane is across the kitchen island, scrolling on his phone, enjoying his own coffee with his standard anxious energy. It’s exactly where he learned her name two nights ago. She smiles at the memory. 

Oh well, better get this over with.

“Sasha really seems to like you.” She breaks the silence. He looks at her. 

“Oh?” Shane puts his phone down like a polite gentleman when Sveta tries to start a conversation. God, why can’t the polite ones ever be into women? He swallows and nods. “Cool.”

“Sorry he can be a bit forward when he sees a cute man.”

Shane smiles nervously. “It’s ok.”

“And you are so cute.”

“Thanks.” Shane blushes. “You—”

“—He is a good kisser,” she cuts him off. When he looks confused she clarifies, “Sasha.”

“Oh, that’s… that’s good. For him, that’s good for him.”

“He does not kiss many girls anymore, but I got there before he realized maybe... he should not be kissing girls. It is a specialty of mine, I guess.” She sighs dramatically, joking like it’s some kind of burden. Shane doesn’t laugh, he actually starts to look exactly like a deer about to flee. Sveta powers through. “May I ask you something?”

He nods once and looks like he wants to vomit. Perfect, he knows what’s up. 

“Can I ask if you have ever been attracted to a man?” Svetlana leans down on the counter like it’s gossip. Also, to give him a glance down her pajama shirt on the off-chance she’s wrong. He doesn’t take it. Oh, boy.

He takes forever, but he nods again. It’s so subtle she could barely see it. She exhales. The risk paid off. Well, not really, his eyes are welling up. 

Right. He’s still a gay MLH player. Insane that she’s slept with two of those now. Or, one and a half. 

“But you have dated women?” She knows the answer. Lily. Hayden’s slip-up at the bar told her the answer to this.

Shane sighs. It’s a heavy thing, and Svetlana feels how painful this is for him. “In like, high school. And some… hookups? I guess.”

“So Lily, she was… just a buddy?”

“No.” Shane pales, then swallows. “He wasn’t.” Ah. Oh. Ok. 

“Was it different with him?”

Shane looks off at a point beyond Svetlana’s shoulder, like he’s running through memories, his eyes wet. “Of course.”

“Was it better?”

Again, but now Shane’s face is a little wistful. He doesn’t have to answer this one out loud, but he does. “Yeah,” he says quietly, “Yeah, uh. It was better.” 

“Who else do you talk to about this? Hayden knows, right? He knew about Lily.”

“No he— ugh.” Shane makes a frustrated sound, “Sveta— no one knows. Well, now J.J.… But no one can know. And I can’t talk about it. I literally can’t be…” His eyes are shining. Svetlana’s heart breaks for this man. He can’t even say it. 

“Look at me.” He looks at her. Yep, skirted right past her visible cleavage. She takes his hands on the counter. “You know you would not be the only hockey player.” 

Shane scoffs. “Yeah. Right.”

“I am serious. You know this, you know there are others.” Maybe once Sveta starts her mass-fingering campaign, there will be even more. 

“Yeah.” He looks gutted. “Probably, there are.” 

She wants to push the point, but she gets where he’s coming from. The league would be hell for the first queer player. She changes the subject slightly.

“Can we talk about this Lily who broke your heart? Can I have a real name?”

“No,” he says more decisively. “And he didn’t— I was the one who left.” Is that true? Sveta desperately needs to know the whole story. The skepticism and curiosity must appear on her face, because he elaborates. “It got too serious. It wasn’t supposed to be anything, and he was trying to make it something.”

“Was it something?” Sveta asks quietly, though she knows the answer.

Shane takes a while to respond. He pulls at his eyelashes. “Yeah.”

“Ok. Then we win him back.” Svetlana is confident. If Shane wants Lily— who already was trying to be serious with Shane— this will be the easiest mend ever, and Svetlana will be in a gay wedding. She’s mentally picking outfits. 

But Shane is still a professional hockey player. “I don’t know what we could be. We— I’m not in a position to… be open about that.” 

Svetlana shrugs. Boys are so dumb. “So don’t be open about it. You’d at least be happier than dating women or being apart, when you both are miserable like that.”

Shane opens his mouth to say something but shuts it. He’s choosing his words carefully. “Well, right before I left—”

“When was this?”

“Like…” Shane rubs the back of his neck, ashamed. “Like a week before I met you. Sorry… there was no overlap though, I promise.”

She waves her hand through the air. “I know. Keep going.”

“Ok, well that day, he was telling me he has this ‘regular woman’…”

Oh. Svetlana thinks for a second before she lands on the right thing to say. “If he doesn’t know Shane Hollander is better for him than anyone— man or woman— on the planet, he is too stupid for you, darling.” And that’s saying a lot. This is the guy who thought she had a twin sister named Svetlana. 

His mouth twitches into a forced little fake smile, but his eyes are still watery. Sveta’s heart breaks again.

“Ok,” she says, making a motion at his phone with her hands. “Craft a text.”

Shane breathes out a little laugh, shaking his head. 

“What?” she asks him.

“I thought you were going to try to make me follow Sasha back on Instagram.” 

“No!” Sveta laughs. Can you imagine? “No, he is not your type.” 

This might be the first time she’s seen Shane truly smile, not like he does to the media, not the uncomfortable thing he wears on his face in public, not even the shy thing he puts on around her. It’s adorable. 

“He is not.” Shane looks down and his smile fades, “So you and I probably shouldn’t…” 

“We should not have in the first place, Shane.” Sveta pushes down the guilt again. “But if you think I am leaving you alone, you do not know enough Russians.” 

“I know enough Russians.” They both get to laugh honestly at that one.

By practice that afternoon, Shane is back to normal. He nailed all his shots and he can feel it: he’s better. 

He needs to be better. For fucks sake, his day started with his girlfriend breaking up with him, ambushing him out of the closet, and making him text “can we talk?” to Lily, who is actually her best friend and fuckbuddy, Ilya Rozanov, who has not responded. Shane has decided he doesn’t care. 

So Shane is in a good mood for the first time in weeks. He’s not hopeful Ilya will text him back. But worst case scenario, he’ll see him at All Stars Weekend, where Shane plans to look irresistable, and Ilya will jump his bones. Svetlana said she’d take him shopping (“You don’t look gay.” “I don’t think I have to look gay.” “You don’t have to look so straight.”) when she gets back from a weekend back in Boston. She says she’s cheaper and better than a stylist. Which, apparently, is a thing Shane needs. 

It can’t be a good idea to keep hanging out with her if she’s Ilya’s Svetlana, but he can’t imagine talking to anyone else about this problem, and it really is nice to have someone know. Sure, J.J. knows, but Shane can’t exactly talk about it when he knows who Lily is. Sveta is nice because he can share some feelings and no one has to know they’re about Ilya Rozanov. He was going to tell Hayden, but now that Hayden is talking to Ilya, it doesn’t seem like such a good idea. 

But overall, Shane is in a good mood. Because he’s gay. He knows that now. He confirmed it with himself and got a second opinion. He’s saving his panic for late at night, but today he’s been buoyant.

He returns to his phone after practice to a text from Sveta and a one-word response from Lily.

Shane: can we talk?

Lily: no.

One word shouldn’t hold this much power over Shane’s tear ducts, but the highs and lows of this emotional day are probably starting to take him down. That’s fine. If Ilya doesn’t want to talk then— He shakes it off. Good mood today, remember? 

Sveta: Did you hear back from Lily??

His heart sinks a little at that. 

Shane: He said no. It’s ok, I didn't even expect an answer.
Shane: Like I said, I’ll be at a party with him next month. 

“Is that Svetlana?” Hayden asks at the phone in Shane’s hand. Shane notices he said her full name again, and he said it meanly. 

Shane was a little mad at Hayden to begin with, just for a minute. It’s not great news to hear about a budding relationship between your best friend and your… ex…whatever. But Hayden doesn’t know the whole story. Ilya knows better, he shouldn’t be platonically seducing Shane’s best friend. 

God, if this is how Ilya feels…

“Yeah but uhh… We broke up,” Shane says a little bashfully. If Hayden happens to pass this information onto Ilya, then…

Hayden’s expression changes for the better. He could act a little like he liked Svetlana. “What happened??”

Shane stares at the wall for a beat to find the right words. “We were not compatible.”

“Better find someone compatible.” 

Memories flood Shane’s system: Ilya reading his mind on and off the ice, the breath on the back of his neck when he was napping in Ilya’s bed, not even second-guessing it when Ilya told him to put on a show for him… “I will.” He already has.

Chapter End Notes

Next: finally an Oops-All-Ilya chapter, just to see what that guy’s been up to, now that Shane knows everything he could possibly know 🙂

Chapter 6: Telephone

Chapter Summary

Ilya ruminates on his friendships; Sveta and Ilya get together in Boston

Chapter Notes

If you haven’t watched the critically-acclaimed 2008-2013 television program Breaking Bad, 1) I’m so glad you’re awake, Rip Van Winkle! 2) Go do it! Not because I think you have to in order to get these references, I just think you should.

Anyway… Haydenov texts? I’m back on my bullshit ☺️

I wanted this to be all Ilya POV, but Sveta’s is necessary for a minute in the middle here. So it’s an Ilya-Sveta-Ilya sandwich (Shane’s dream? ...No, he’s gay now). Dialogue in italics is in Russian.

Pike: Hey it’s Hayden Pike, this is my number.
Pike: Thanks for sharing with me, I want to stress again that I understand and I won’t tell anyone. 

Ilya: Tell anyone what?

Pike: That you were in a semi-relationship with Shane Hollander until he broke your heart and left you for your bestfriend/hookup?

Ilya: Oh no you are very bad at this.

Pike: Wait we were wrong last night!
Pike: I don’t think he knew that Sveta and Svetlana are the same name!
Pike: So I don’t think he knew it was her!

Ilya: He is not an idiot, Pike. Of course he knew. 

Pike: No I really don’t think he did
Pike: Are you sure you know each other?

Pike: Candy Crush was not lucky for me!!
Pike: I trusted you! The angry birds have never let me down!
Pike: Did you do this to sabotage me??

Ilya: Jesse would never accuse Walter White like this.

Pike: Are you kidding???
Pike: If this were Breaking Bad, you are Jesse!! I’m Mr. White here.
Pike: You are Walter Beige.

Ilya: I am the danger

Pike: You’re an idiot.

Ilya: I am the one who knocks

Ilya: Forgot to tell you he also stole my clothes!

Pike: That seems like the least of your concerns. 
Pike: Didn’t he steal your best friend?
Pike: Hang on, am I social currency?
Pike: If so? Awesome. 

Pike: Ok. Candy crush is actually kind of good.
Pike: Still don’t think it’s as lucky as angry birds. 

Ilya smiles at his phone. He had a great time with Hayden Pike after the Boston-Montreal game. Is that just awful to admit? The only problem was Pike’s stupid trustable face. Ilya regrets giving him enough information that he figured Hollander out.

But honestly? Fuck Shane Hollander. He’s lucky Ilya isn’t telling everyone how he acted. Hollander took his only friend away from him, whether or not he knew it— and Ilya is pretty sure he knew it. Now he’s dating her. So maybe Ilya doesn’t feel so terrible about taking something of Shane’s. Even if he’s sure as hell not going to date Hayden Pike. 

Shane never should have left his Hayden Pike unattended. It was a crime of opportunity, if you ignore that Ilya chose one specific bar for a reason. He knew the lamer Montreal players sometimes go there after the games, and Sveta all but told him that Pike would be there that night. 

The idea swam in his head all game after reading Sveta’s texts. Ilya’s chirps at Pike were a hair nicer than usual. Then, he sat at the bar directly in Pike’s eye-line, so Pike had no choice but to stare at Ilya, who was playing up his sadness theatrically. The heist is now complete, and Pike is on Ilya’s side. Ilya really is Walter White for this. 

He wonders if he could get J.J. Boiziau next time he’s in Montreal. Maybe Yuna Hollander after that. Ilya will steal every last one of Shane’s people, because Shane stole the only one Ilya had. 

When he lands in Boston after their Montreal and Ottawa roadie, Ilya decides to finally open the other, non-Pike text notifications waiting for him.

He hovers between the two. Jane’s came in first, so he goes with that one. 

Jane: can we talk?

Then Svetlana’s. 

Svetlana: We broke up. I’ll be in Boston for a few days this weekend. Can we talk?

Fuck. He wants to do none of this. He answers Sveta first. He struggles for a moment before remembering what he kept insisting to Pike: She didn’t know. She doesn’t know. He can’t hold it against Sveta.

Ilya: Yes, whenever you are free. 

Then, he texts Shane. This is also something he and Pike talked about, and he came to a conclusion, whether Pike agreed or not. 

Ilya: no. 

He briefly regrets it—that conclusion was based on the premise that Shane knew what he was doing. What if he doesn’t? 

But Ilya has a lot of other reasons. It was just sex. Shane doesn’t want anything more, as he made abundantly clear by leaving, and even if he did, what then? Is Ilya supposed to what, date Shane Hollander? Bring him home to meet his father in Russia? “Father, this is the one hockey player you hate more than your own son, and I have spent my entire adult life fucking him.” Are they supposed to kiss on center ice when Ilya wins the cup this season? Make out in a video they post to the internet? Spend their summers carefree, splashing each other in the lake by Shane’s cottage? Move to... I don’t know, Ottawa? Get a dog? Buy a house? Start a family? 

No.

The fact that Ilya feels so shitty should be reason enough to leave it behind. No good could come from talking to Shane Hollander.

Pike: They broke up!!!
Pike: He said they weren’t compatible, whatever that means.
Pike: I still think he didn’t know Sveta and Svetlana are the same name.

Ilya ignores the relief coursing through him. But still, that last part can’t be true. Hollander spent years with Ilya Rozanov’s dick inside of him, and he doesn’t know how Russian names work? Maybe that information doesn’t transmit through bodily fluids, so Shane might be off the hook. For that. If it’s true.

The next day, Ilya is suited up and enters a restaurant to see Sveta for the first time in weeks.

Ilya: I’m nervous 

Pike: They broke up! Why would you be nervous?

Ilya: I hate this. Can I avoid her for another 4 to 6 weeks?

Pike: no ☺️

Ilya laughs a little despite his nerves. He’s glad he stole Hayden Pike from Shane.

Svetlana has had a weird few weeks living in Canada, and her job just agreed to let her move back to Boston. She’s looking forward to this dinner with Ilya, maybe mending the fence before she moves back. She can’t talk to him outright about how his arch rival Shane Hollander is super gay and won’t be dating any more women, but she’s prepared for Ilya to ask about the time she spent in Shane Hollander’s vicinity. 

Ilya walks in, looking good in a suit. Then again, he always looks good. Until last week, she thought he was the second hottest player in the MLH. Now that Shane is disqualified from her list for practicality purposes, and Carter Vaughan got that fuckass haircut, Ilya is number one. She requested this fancy restaurant because they have a dress code and frankly, her date has been poorly dressed for too long. Ilya owes her some eye candy. 

She stands up to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, which he takes stiffly. “Missed you,” she says. She did. To be honest, this time would have been hard regardless, with them in two separate countries. That’s always hard. 

“Yes,” Ilya says. He doesn’t return the sentiment. That’s fair, she’s just spent the last few weeks boning Shane Hollander.

Sveta breathes out as they settle at the table and order wine. Ok. Some apologies. “Ilyusha.” She takes his hand on the table. “I am so sorry I thought your hatred for Shane Hollander was unfounded. The man is a monster. Mean and terribly cruel!” She lays it on dramatically thick as she starts to see Ilya crack a smile against his will. “Relentlessly rude, honestly. No manners. Hideously ugly! And cheated on me constantly, a different girl every night.” Ilya’s reluctant, unpermitted, growing smile fills her with warmth. “Could not keep up with him sexually. He was into some very weird stuff.” She keeps the joke going but Ilya’s smile fades a little at that. That’s ok, that one is actually a little true. 

She drops that act. “No but seriously Ilyusha, please tell me you are single. I haven’t had a good night’s sex in weeks.”

“That… probably won’t happen,” he sighs. Fuck! Shane Hollander has tainted her body for the only reliable lay she has in this city. Or is Ilya not single…?

“Is it because I fucked your arch nemesis? He gave me sexually-transmitted boring?” 

Ilya ignores this. “How did you even meet Shane Hollander?”

“His friend J.J. Boiziau has a friend who owns a restaurant. I was there one night while he was there by chance.”

“By chance,” Ilya repeats. “He did not invite you there?”

“No? How would I have known him?” Sveta wonders. “You are too possessive, Ilyusha. People are allowed out of the house. I know you haven’t in a while but…” well, that’s a low blow. “J.J. invited him out, and he came.” 

“And then you dated… Shane Hollander.”

“It would appear so,” Sveta says like the cat who got the cream. She feels the guilt again. She pushes it down again. 

“What happened, really?” Ilya rubs his thumb on his glass and adds, “do I have to beat him up?”

“I don’t think so. He was fine just… very much still in love with his ex.”

The stem of the wine glass cracks in Ilya’s hand. He moves his hand so he doesn’t shatter the thing entirely.

“He doesn’t have an ex.” Ilya’s voice is low. “Who is his ex?”

“Some idiot who didn’t understand Shane Hollander.” Sveta waves her hand. “Sounds like neither of them could express emotions correctly at all.”

He seethes. “I’m sure it was nothing. No one has emotions for Shane Hollander.”

“I think both of them let the other think it was nothing, so he went out and found me. Very avoidable, but apparently he didn’t think she would care.” Sveta shrugs. “I wouldn’t know. I don’t have her side of the story.” 

Ilya snarls, actually, literally snarls. The waitress comes at the most opportune time. 

“Anyway,” Sveta changes the subject when the waitress leaves, “What about you? You were a mess when I left, is there someone? A regular woman? Jane? What happened with her?”

Ilya looks like no time passed at all, he’s still as depressed as she left him weeks ago. “There is no Jane.”

That’s what he liked to say this summer, and last summer, and for years really, when Sveta would find him texting Jane. The way he says it now is not the same. There was always an undercurrent of jest and flirtation. Ilya would work to hide a smile. Now he’s just… sad. 

“Ok.” She makes a gimme motion with her hands. “Tell me. What happened?” 

Ilya shakes his head, “I am not talking about Jane.”

“So there is a Jane,” Sveta laughs, and Ilya looks offended. “Ilyusha, I ask every time I see you, ‘how is Jane?’ ‘who is Jane?’ ‘does Jane know you are sitting in your days-old underwear drinking Canadian vodka out of the plastic bottle because she left?’ And you never tell me. You are heartbroken, and you don't tell me why.” Sveta’s eyes prickle with tears. 

“What do you want me to say? There is no Jane anymore, it is done.” 

“She is not talking to you, trying to reach out?”

“No,” Ilya lies.

Their meal could have been worse, in Ilya’s opinion, so Sveta comes back to Ilya’s house. They watch hockey. “I have watched so much hockey recently,” Sveta sighs, and Ilya actually laughs. It’s nice to hear someone talk about Shane domestically, even if it still pings at the part of Ilya that aches to be the person who watches hockey with Shane. They did that, here, on this couch, together. Ilya and Shane Hollander, who is apparently in love with his ex. “I guess that won’t change, I am still remaining friends with him.” 

Is Sveta trying to make him jealous? That she has another ex-lover she’ll be friends with? That Shane Hollander might replace him as Sveta’s best friend?

Two can play that game. “It’s ok. I made friends with Hayden Pike.”

Sveta snaps her head to look at Ilya. 

“What?” 

“Hayden Pike and I, at the old man’s bar, we had a good discussion.” He says it casually, just to hurt her. He has no idea if it will, but he’s built up a strong annoyance at her for weeks. She didn’t know, he reminds himself. She doesn’t know. 

He could tell her what they talked about, maybe make her angrier, let her know he fucked Shane Hollander first. But she doesn’t seem that upset about the breakup, and Ilya already gave Shane away to his best friend, he won’t do it to his ex-girlfriend. 

“You had a good discussion with Hayden Pike.”

“For four hours.” 

“What on earth did you talk about?”

“He listened to my relationship problems,” Ilya explains to dig the knife in, “See, my best friend was unavailable. She was off fucking Shane Hollander.” Ilya wonders if that matters, whether he would have confided in Sveta if she were there with him. But no, he wouldn’t have felt that depressed if she weren’t with Shane Hollander, so no, it only could have been Hayden Pike. 

“Ilya! You told Hayden Pike about Jane??” 

“Yes, every detail.”

She looks at him for way too long. This is a bigger reaction than he thought it would be. So she’s really this jealous that he talked to someone else about Jane? She shouldn’t go hooking up with Jane, then.

Finally, she returns her head to the sofa cushion and returns her voice to a casual insult, “Did I tell you how much Shane Hollander loves being thrown around in bed? He’s such a good little puppy, he just needs a boss. It was so much fun.” 

Ilya wants to throw up. “You’re a dick, Svetlana.” 

Wait… how did she know that would hurt him? Did Hollander tell Sveta? 

No. No, he wouldn’t. She just thinks that will make Ilya jealous of Shane for getting to fuck her. That’s all.

She puts her head on Ilya’s shoulder and sighs contentedly. He meant what he said earlier, he really doesn’t want to bone Svetlana tonight, or ever. Not because she fucked Shane Hollander... but because she’s not Shane Hollander. 

And that’s just a terrible realization. Does this mean Ilya is never going to have sex again? Because no one else is going to be Shane Hollander. 

Though, thinking about it now… Svetlana is pretty close to Shane. She knows him, he’s touched her. A few minutes later, Ilya’s arm wraps around Sveta’s shoulders for a cuddle and he can’t even concentrate on Toronto’s shitty power play. He wonders if Shane’s arm had slung around her like this. 

“He did this?” 

“Yes?” 

Ilya tucks his arm tighter and pulls her closer. If she stays over that night and Ilya holds her tight while they sleep, just because he can almost imagine the smell of Shane’s pillowcases in her hair, that’s no one’s business.

Chapter End Notes

Loverboy Ilya our beloved 🥰

Next: Hayden, and one more misunderstanding.

P.S. I hope no one is expecting ethical or rational decisions or thoughts from any of these characters at this point.

P.P.S. @she_must_bolt made us a cover!!!

Chapter 7: The Floor is Lava

Chapter Summary

Hayden and Shane have a conversation; Shane and Sveta have a conversation; Sveta and Hayden have a conversation.

Chapter Notes

Whatever happens here... just know I’ve had fun, and that’s all that really matters.

There’s a holiday party? because I needed a party, and then I remembered there was a wholeass Christmas that Shane and Ilya were in their Rose era and that’s very, very sad to think about. So I ruined the Metros’ team holiday party for Hayden, hope that helps.

It’s not a Cliffhanger, because Marly isn’t even here.

Hayden has been avoiding Shane, and that’s impressive. It’s not easy to avoid your team captain and your best friend. 

Ilya’s story left Hayden wondering about that superlative. The shock from learning Shane broke someone’s heart has turned into anger. Still, it’s Shane, and still, it’s Hayden, who forgives way too easily, who picks up the stray dog, who is way too nice. Hayden would probably forgive someone who killed his grandmother. He would demand to hear both sides.

He desperately wants to hear both sides. But if Shane hasn’t told him about this yet, he could die waiting. So now, he has to just trust the one side he has, and that side isn’t great for Shane.

Ilya spared no details about the day, and Hayden doesn’t really want to be best friends with someone who walks out on the love of their life moments after they ate tuna melts and had (what Hayden could only imagine was very smelly) emotional sex. You have to really like someone to kiss tuna out of their mouth.

Hayden was still too shocked to stop Ilya’s retelling, and he didn’t fully wrap his head around exactly who they were talking about until he was lying awake in bed replaying the conversation night after night. 

But Jesus, it was Shane who Ilya cuddled on the sofa with for the first time. It was Shane who he went out and got special ginger ales for. It was Shane who he made a tuna melt because it’s the only thing his bachelor ass knows how to make. And it was Shane who said his first name and then scrambled in a panic. 

Hayden actually remembers the day Shane came back to the hotel early wearing someone else’s clothes. At the time, he figured he’d been seeing Lily long enough to keep some things at her place. But they didn’t look like Shane’s clothes…

And then Hayden had compelled himself to leave the speculation there, because he didn’t think he was the kind of guy to care about what happens to another guy sexually.

He knows better now. He needs to know every single detail, and he’s pissed at Shane for not telling him.

“Can you just…” Shane finally breaks the seething silence one day in mid-December as they’re walking in the parking lot to their cars. He stops walking and momentarily Hayden considers continuing. He can’t do that, though. He stops, too.

“What?” Hayden plays dumb. He was sworn to so much secrecy, but it already sounds like Shane has him dead to rights. Hayden has been downright cold recently. He only gave Shane two high-fives during practice today.

“Can you…” Shane stops himself and trails off. Ohhhh. Shane doesn’t want to out himself on the off-chance Hayden doesn’t know. Really? After all they’ve been through, he won’t take a chance now that the opportunity presents itself? Ilya Rozanov took one look at Hayden and trusted him. 

But every queer experience is different, Hayden reminds himself. Everyone comes out on their own terms. It’s not about Hayden. 

…It doesn’t mean he has to be nice, though. “Can I what?” he snaps.

Shane’s not interested in being nice either. “I think it’s fucked up. You clearly talked about me and you can’t even tell me what you talked about.” Shane raises his voice. It’s as close to the truth as he can get. And to be honest, he’s right. The conversation was about him and he deserves to know. So why does Hayden feel a strange loyalty to Ilya?

Wait. Hayden can use his new woke superpower to his advantage! 

“It’s not really my story to tell,” he says sagely, “you should ask him.” He’s pretty proud of that response. 

“I fucking tried to—” Shane cuts himself off again. Wait no, tried to what? Did Shane try to talk to Ilya? Ilya would have told Hayden, right? That assumption would have been insane just a few months ago, but Hayden kind of believes it now. 

At some point, someone has to level with the other. And Hayden isn’t used to the drama or the secrets. He was never going to win a secret-off with Shane Hollander. He surrenders. “Buddy. Someone spilled his guts to me, told me about some heavy problems. You didn’t. You can’t blame me now if I have no idea what’s going on.”

Shane seems to consider this. “He told you his problems?” 

“You’re not going to get me to say it.”

“Fine,” Shane spits out. “What do you want to know? That I freak out when something gets too real? How is that a shock to anyone who knows me?”

Hayden has to laugh a little. He’s right. What was Ilya thinking, bombing Shane with relationship questions and taking so many steps forward all at once? For the umpteenth time he thinks they don’t know each other at all. Have they ever spoken? What do they do when they get together?

“So you thought it was real,” Hayden says carefully. He is generous, leaving out the rest of this sentence: and you didn’t tell your best friend. 

“Hayden, it literally can’t be anything real. That’s what you and Svetlana don’t get.”

Hayden knew Svetlana knew about them. He mentally pumps his fist in victory. “Why not?”

Shane just stares incredulously. “Hockey? My family? My fans? My endorsements?” 

Those are… actually valid concerns. Well, he thinks Shane’s parents would be fine. But yeah, hockey would not be.

Hayden is in over his head. It’s not a great look as a straight best friend to say ‘you’re right, actually, maybe stay in the closet then.’ So he avoids giving coming-out advice to a queer man.

“I think you could at least tell him that, though.” 

“I tried. He doesn’t want to talk to me. Besides, he would never just want to… date me. Especially in secret.” Shane sounds sad about this. He’s clearly thought about it a lot and come to that conclusion.  

Ok. Hayden is all out of ideas. It sounds like, contrary to every thought that’s flown through his head since he met Ilya, Shane might not be in the wrong here. Maybe neither of them are. It sounds like the world is in the wrong.  

“He does want to talk to you, though! I know he does. He was super sad about you and Svetlana.”

Shane looks like he’s realizing something. Good! Great, even! Maybe this will get them back together and Hayden will be in a gay wedding. 

“Anyway, can I tell Jackie?”

Snow is falling outside his bedroom window, but Shane wakes up warm with his ex-girlfriend curled up beside him. 

It’s nice to wake up with someone, at least when you’re fully clothed and not expected to perform a magic trick like sex with a woman. Cuddling is nice. He’s not sure he’s ever cuddled before Svetlana. 

She is back in Montreal to be his date to the team holiday party tonight. The tabloids still think they’re together, and if Ilya isn’t speaking to him, there’s no reason to make himself seem single. It’s nice to have someone to accompany him to team events. He momentarily agonized over whether he was using Sveta like a beard, but she assured him no, she’s fine with keeping him company until he gets his “Lily” back.

If she knew it was Ilya, she might be singing a different tune. 

He has no idea where Ilya and Sveta stand, but Hayden said that Ilya was sad about Shane with her. Shane is taking that as a clue, and he’s more sure than ever: Ilya is in love with Sveta. Of course he is, who wouldn’t be in love with Sveta? …present company excluded, of course. 

Have they slept together since Shane and Sveta broke up? If that’s why Shane is cuddling her so close, well that’s really no one’s business. Sveta loves being the little spoon, Shane is just being a good friend.

At the same time, he wants to tell her not to hook up with Ilya, but that would definitely out them. She might not know that Ilya likes men. She might be in love with Ilya. Who wouldn’t be in love with Ilya? 

Shane. Shane’s not in love with Ilya. He can’t be. No matter how perfect Ilya is, Shane will find someone better. ...Fine. He’ll find someone else. And if that person—that man, Shane reminds himself with relief—is half as good at fucking him, he’ll count it a win. If he’s half as hot, if he’s half as funny, if he’s half as good at hockey...

Svetlana stirs. With her eyes closed, her morning-thick Russian accent mumbles, “Your morning wood is weird when I know it is for a man.” 

“Sorry.” Shane flushes with embarrassment and detaches his body from hers. 

Later that morning Shane is overflowing with curiosity, so he brings it up. “Are you dating?” 

“No,” Sveta laughs. “Turns out discovering your boyfriend is gay makes you take a small break from boys.” 

Shane smiles, comforted. “Girls, then?” 

“Maybe,” she shrugs. 

“How did your friends react when you told them you liked girls?” 

“We all learned around the same time.” Shane can’t tell if the ‘we’ includes Ilya. She cocks her head, “Why? Are you thinking of telling Hayden?” She says his name the way Hayden says hers. 

“Actually, Hayden knows now…” He breathes out, unsure how to tell the story without including Ilya. “He talked to Lily.” 

“Oh, did he?” Sveta purses her lips and sips her coffee, deep in thought.

“I guess I’ve been thinking of this as a secret for so long, I kind of freaked out at him. But it will probably be nice to have someone who knows, so I can talk to them.”

“You can talk to me. Not everything has to be about Hayden Pike,” she says with a tiny bit of annoyed malice. “Tell me. What happened with Lily?” 

“Well…” Shane goes for it. As best as he can while concealing Ilya’s identity, he tells her about the unspoken expectations and rules they had, and he tells her about all those boundaries broken in one afternoon. He tells her how Lily paired all of this new intimacy with talking about how he’s fucking all these women. How he said Shane’s first name for the first time ever. “…and then I was sitting there, with all these feelings I’m not supposed to have, on top of someone who will never feel them for me.”

“Lord, he is an idiot.” Sveta puts her head in her hands and sighs. She finally looks back to Shane. “But what if he has those feelings, though?” 

“He doesn’t.”  

“Ok… I saw Ilya while I was in Boston.” Well that was an abrupt shift. 

“Oh…?”

“Yes,” she gushes, “he was looking very handsome.”

Shane swallows. He doesn’t know the script here at all. She knows he’s gay, but is it normal to concede that your arch rival is handsome? And why is she even bringing him up? “I guess.”

“Shane.” Sveta gives him a Look. “You can admit he is handsome. It will not kill you.” 

“Yeah, I… sure. He is.” 

“And he is sweet, when he wants to be…”

He stops listening. 

Something uncomfortable is lurking beneath Sveta’s rave review. She is in love with Ilya. 

Was Shane being used to make Ilya jealous? Hell of a choice if Sveta didn’t know about Ilya and Shane. Once the idea is solidified in his head, he can’t help but think of her as an opponent. Shane is competitive, and he hates losing, especially if the prize is Ilya Rozanov.

Hayden is a little tipsy.

It’s Christmas. He’s allowed.

Well, really it’s not. It’s just over halfway through December, but the team schedule is so packed that today is the only day they could have the annual team holiday party. 

So. Hayden is getting into the spirit regardless. 

Shane comes in with Svetlana and they join Hayden and J.J.’s conversation. Things have been a little weird since Hayden confronted Shane. He reluctantly came out to Hayden as gay (not just bisexual, which had been posited at the bar with Ilya). He still hasn’t provided his side of what Hayden is now calling “Tuna Meltdown.” 

In his own head. Because he has no one to talk to about this. Jackie got tired of hearing about it in one week because Hayden exhausted every possible angle. She said, ‘tell me when there’s news, sweetie.’

Seeing Svetlana is weird, too. He hasn’t seen her since the break-up. He knows Shane is still friends with her, because she’s one of the only people who knows that he’s gay. Hayden has been worried about seeing her because he thinks he might know what Shane doesn’t: this is Ilya’s Svetlana. Ilya insisted Shane knew, but he gave Hayden no real evidence.

Hayden desperately wants to talk to Sveta, too, but he doesn’t know for sure if she knows about Ilya and Shane. He’s pretty sure she does, though, and he wants to confront her. What kind of person does this to their best friend? He repeats Ilya’s mantra of ‘she didn’t know, she doesn’t know,’ but it’s falling short. He wants to know if Shane knows that Svetlana knows. If she doesn’t know, though, he could be outing her best friend.

The whole thing makes him fucking dizzy. But maybe that’s the egg nog. 

Hayden greets them both and they make some small talk. It seems everyone is a bit restrained. Svetlana is making eyes at Hayden while Shane and J.J. talk. Is she trying to hit on him? No, that’s the alcohol talking. What is she trying to say?? She stands behind Shane and makes a quick motion with her head to Hayden, to imply they should go somewhere. Where is Jackie? She’s better at reading these signals. 

She’s over with the other WAGs, probably where Svetlana should want to be, too. Not having a private conversation with Hayden Pike. 

“Shit,” Shane says, nodding at an old couple for Svetlana. “Those are the team owners and the GM. Coach always makes me talk to them and— yep. Oh, god.” Coach is beckoning Shane over. Shane turns to Svetlana, “Do you want to meet them?”

“No, please,” Svetlana responds. “I would just tell them to completely overhaul defense, save for Boiziau, and I would ask them to double your salary with your next contract.”

“Thanks for saving me,” J.J. says.

“I’ll let them know,” Shane laughs and walks away.

Svetlana, for lack of a better word, pounces. She drags Hayden by the arm to the wall away from the revelers. J.J. follows.

“You know Lily?” she asks frantically.

Hayden is surprised. This is… not where he thought she’d go with this. “Yeah, why?” He can say that now. He does know Lily. He texted him an hour ago.

He doesn’t expect J.J. to also say “Yes.”  

Hayden snaps his head to look at J.J., “You know Lily?” Of course he does, but… J.J. knows who Lily is?

“Of course,” J.J. looks at Hayden like he’s stupid. It’s a stupid question. “You know Lily?” 

“Yeah, I recently met Lily.”

“Recently,” Sveta repeats. And sighs. “It is hard to talk about this without … exposing too much, isn't it?”

Finally someone understands! “Yes! Ok. I think I can tell you this: I know who Lily is and I know what happened between them.” Hayden breathes. This is good. “What do you know?”

Svetlana raises an eyebrow and smirks. “I know everything.” 

“What the fuck does that mean? You can’t possibly know everything here.”

“No, she might actually know everything,” J.J. says.

“How would you know what she knows?” Before J.J. can answer, Hayden turns back to Sveta. “What do you mean, you know everything?” 

“I know more than Lily knows.” Svetlana smiles to herself. Hayden is too tipsy for this. She brushes her hand through the air like she’s just waving away that massive bombshell. “It does not matter. You need to tell me Lily’s side so we can—”

“Uhh wait…” Hayden is a little blindsided. His blood is running cold. “You know it’s… him. Is that also… recent?” 

Svetlana’s smile turns devious. “It is not.” Hayden’s never been less happy to be right.

“You knew, and you still—”

“Do not lecture me about morals, Hayden Pike. I have done more for Shane than you ever would.” 

Hayden shakes his head, speechless. He looks at J.J., who does not look surprised. What the fuck is going on? Suddenly he feels very sober. He’s frozen, but Svetlana continues so he doesn’t have to say anything, “Now you are going to help.”

Chapter End Notes

🙂🫣

Next: Svet(l)a(na) POV 👀

 

I really, really didn’t think this was going to be a huge twist, and with each chapters’ comments not getting it, I felt crazier and crazier, adding in more and more hints... But I hope a re-read is fulfilling now (questions will be answered next chapter, I promise), and if you liked learning about it like this, don’t spoil it for other people in early chapter comments or around the internet. If you hated learning about it like this, or hate it in general, I’m sure you’ll tell me. Just remember the “morally gray Svetlana” tag has been a ticking time bomb since the beginning.

Also!!! boom_queen is making a podfic!!!

Works inspired by this one

Cover for 'A Complicated and Nuanced Game' by icopythefax by she_must_bolt

[Podfic] A Complicated and Nuanced Game by boom_queen