Rating:

General Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

Gen

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Characters:

original character Ottawa Centaurs fan, Harris Drover, Ilya Rozanov, Zane Boodram

Additional Tags:

social media fic of sorts, Second Person, pov: you are Zane Boodram's biggest fan

Language:

English

Series:

Part 2 of Series: Working Title "Ilya Rozanov, Public Bisexual Menace"

Stats:

Published: 2026-08-27 Words: 867 Chapters: 1/1

He Protecc, He Attacc, But Is He Ottawa's Tastiest Snack?

Summary

It’s December 2018, and you are a long-suffering Ottawa Centaurs fan. [...] There’s a new post from the Centaurs: a carousel post, one of those ones that are kind of like slides, background in Cens red and images set into them. The first one has a professional headshot of Rozanov in the Cens home jersey, sporting the C. His season stats are in the bottom left corner.

The text reads: Here’s what you need to know about your new Captain, Ottawa

Yeah yeah, you think. One Cup, one MVP, and a couple of Rocket Trophies to his name. Hot. Kind of a pest on the ice. Arrogant. Good at hockey.

You swipe to the next image. Black background, and an image of Rozanov shoving some player from Edmonton back, getting between him and the Cens goalie.

He Protecc

Wow, you think. The Cens social media guy is a nerd.

Notes

Tumblr user themoonandmyman posted "at least it’s not 2017. dash flooded with Ilya Rozanov ‘he protecc, he attac’ memes" and I was possessed by the soul of 2017. Then it dawned on me that Ilya moves to Ottawa in 2018, and I was possessed by the soul of Harris Drover to envision Centaurs instagram posts using the meme. And the funniest possible way to approach that would be through the eyes of the kind of person who posts to tumblr about "i love my shitty hockey team". So. Here we are.

A few tiny bits of this (the timing of Ilya becoming Captain, some of the implied Harris-Zane relationship) go with the sequel to "Hide Nothing" and the post-TLG Troy/Harris drafts I'm still tinkering with, so whoops, here's a glorified shitpost showing up in the series. It is not at all necessary to have read "Hide Nothing".

It’s December 2018, and you are a long-suffering Ottawa Centaurs fan. You had your hopes up when Ilya Rozanov surprised everyone over the summer by signing with the Cens, but for some reason the team didn’t bring last year’s draft pick Haas on board this season either, and both goalies are playing like shit.

The latest bad news is that your long-standing Captain, Tremblay, is out with an ACL tear: probably for the rest of the season. Rumours are he might be out for good; he was getting close to retirement age anyway. Sure enough, he steps down as Captain. The Cens promote Rozanov.

(You, Zane Boodram’s biggest fan, are a bit pissed about that, to be quite honest. You mutter darkly to Tumblr about how people hold up Boodram and Vaughn’s success, like Hollander’s, as evidence that racism doesn’t hold players back in the league, but would you look at that. Hollander was Captain at Bood’s age, but Boodram’s been wearing the A in Ottawa for years and has been passed over in favour of another white guy. Even if that guy is Ilya Rozanov, and making him Captain is probably as much about capitalising on the Hollander:Rozanov rivalry as it is Roz or Boodram’s actual skills or experience).

Ah, well. Rozanov as Captain means more Roz content on the Cens socials, and he is very funny. He seems funnier since he moved, actually: still a bit of a dick, but goofy, too. Maybe Ottawa just has a better social media team, or maybe whatever it is that prompted him to move here is making him happy. (He’s definitely not having an affair with Trudeau’s wife, though, wtf Tumblr. Or Trudeau! You, personally, are betting on him being in love with some high up civil servant who works for, like, the Treasury or something.)

You’re busy coming up with ever more specific scenarios about Rozanov's Ottawa-based lover (maybe they can't be open about their relationship because Rozanov, as a member of Team Russia, is technically an employee of a foreign state! It'd be bad for her security clearances, this career-focused finance girlboss who has captivated the bad boy of the NHL), when you open Instagram. There’s a new post from the Centaurs: a carousel post, one of those ones that are kind of like slides, background in Cens red and images set into them. The first one has a professional headshot of Rozanov in the Cens home jersey, sporting the C. His season stats are in the bottom left corner.

The text reads: Here’s what you need to know about your new Captain, Ottawa

Yeah yeah, you think. One Cup, one MVP, and a couple of Rocket Trophies to his name. Hot. Kind of a pest on the ice. Arrogant. Good at hockey.

You swipe to the next image. Black background, and an image of Rozanov shoving some player from Edmonton back, getting between him and the Cens goalie.

He Protecc

Wow, you think. The Cens social media guy is a nerd.

This one's a video: Rozanov snatching the puck from Buffalo, deking through their D-line and tearing down the ice on a breakaway and sniping the puck, bar-down, into the net.

The video has text across it: He Attacc

Two more slides, you think, and you brace yourself for the inevitable bad pun.

The image, on a red background, shows Rozanov - shirtless - leaning his hip against a counter in what must be the Centaurs' players' lounge. He's holding a bag of Coffee Crisp in one hand, and a basket of assorted other treats in the other.

He'll give you his thoughts about Canadian Snacks, says the caption. There's a little arrow reminding you to scroll right, just in case you're stupid.

You swipe for the final slot in the carousel. It's a video: shirtless Rozanov rating Canadian snack foods. Apparently, he's not a fan of all-dressed chips. He approves of the idea of dill pickle chips, but thinks they could be better. He is visibly holding himself back from saying something obscene about Mr Big chocolate bars, and makes extremely suggestive eye contact with the camera as he bites into one. He winks as he samples a Pizza Pop and says "Don't tell the Americans, but this actually is better than a Hot Pocket."

It's charming, you'll give them that.

You open the comments, and sure enough, as well as heated debates about chip flavours and people complaining that hockey media used to be about hockey, there's a swathe of people declaring that Rozanov himself is the tastiest snack in Canada.

You crack your knuckles and open up your folder of Zane Boodram gifs. There's that one from Worlds where he's got his arm around the scared-looking kid from Edmonton. There's that time he plowed through Vegas's d-line and knocked one of them clean off his feet. And there's... well, give the Centaurs social media guy credit, there's plenty of Zane Boodram locker room and gym thirst traps.

You head back to tumblr and the #boodwatching hash tag.

Zane Boodram: He Protecc, He Attack... he's Canada's tastiest snack.

The people do not see your vision. The reblogs are overrun with pictures of Shane Hollander.