Summary:

Shane finds Ilya outside the cottage in the middle of the night. Ilya wants to stop being scared of the loons. Shane just wants Ilya. Shane reached across the bed, grumbling when he hit the mattress instead of Ilya’s ass. He blinked sleepily at his watch - 3:24 am - and then at the en suite. Empty. Where is he? Ilya was probably getting water or something. He needed to relax. Shane closed his eyes and counted to 50. Five more rounds of counting and Shane was out of bed, throwing on the Raiders hoodie Ilya tore off hours before. So much for relaxed. “Ilya?” He called out tentatively. The cottage was silent. Shane was on his way to search upstairs when he saw him. Ilya, on the dock, his back to the cottage. Two breaths later and Shane was outside, bracing against the cool wind. “What are you doing?” Even in the dark, without his glasses, Ilya was like a beacon of warmth built just for Shane. Moonlight reflected off his hair, his shoulders. He was stunning. In fuzzy silhouette, Ilya was still aching clarity. “I’m waiting,” Ilya answered, unmoving, eyes still out on the water. When he didn’t elaborate, Shane fought the quip sitting in his throat. It was always so easy to joke and tease, but Shane wanted the earnest Ilya more than anything. It didn’t stop him, though, from feeling like he was flailing for new ground. He hesitated. Despite knowing each other for years, everything was distressingly new. Shane didn’t know the new rules of engagement, and it terrified him that he might do something wrong. Shane resisted the unknown like it was a cross-ice puck pass through traffic. In a tied playoff game. But this was Ilya, and Shane couldn't fight the itch of his feet begging to walk towards him if he tried. And God knows he’d fucking tried. Shane grabbed a blanket from the deck and walked down the short trail to the dock. Ilya finally turned to look at him, smiling softly as he helped Shane wrap the quilt around them both. Their shoulders brushed against each other, and it felt like being held and struck by lightning all at once. Whatever anxiousness had crept into Shane's chest vanished. Fuck, I’m a goner. How did I ever think I was straight? “Sorry if I woke you.” Shane shook his head. “It’s okay. I mean, you didn’t. Are…are you okay?” A loon called in the distance, and Ilya jumped practically ten feet in the air. “Shit.” He sighed. “Fucking loon. So fucking loud. And ugly. Fucking ugly evil duck.” “You saw one?” “I googled it.” Tension radiated from Ilya, and Shane didn’t know what to make of it. Ilya was so rarely still. He was always moving, fidgeting with something. But right now, Ilya wasn’t just still, he was… frozen. Ilya even seemed to breathe in a way that moved his body as little as possible. It was unnerving. Another loon called, and Ilya sucked in a breath. He let it back out slowly. “Was better,” he whispered. Something desperate twisted in Shane’s stomach. “Ilya.” “Cottage is nice. Being at the cottage with you is nice.” Shane nodded slowly. Did Ilya regret coming? Did he want to leave? Ilya snaked an arm around Shane’s waist and pulled him in, dropping a kiss on his shoulder. His lips were so cold, but Shane didn’t mind. He’s always felt at home on the ice. “I want to come back. Some time. If you want me to.” “I want you to.” “Loons make nests in summer. On lakes.” He shrugged. “Not sure how you make nest on a lake.” “You looked that up?” “Yes.” “Why?” “We will be here together, in the summers, yes?” “Probably.” “The evil wolf ducks will be here, too.” As if they were listening, a particularly close loon chirped on their left. Shane thought it was still easily 10 meters or more away, but Ilya pulled back like he was under attack. It was startling to see Ilya so scared. Shane hated it. Ilya rolled his shoulders and breathed deeply, like he was trying to calm himself. Suddenly, realization dawned on Shane so hard he nearly doubled over. Ilya wasn’t pulling away. Ilya was here, at Shane’s cottage, leaning into Shane’s side and rubbing a thumb along his hip. Ilya was letting him see that something was wrong, and Shane knew the kind of gift this trust was. Fuck him if he took it for granted. “Sit down.” “What?”