Preface
the pact
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/77840931.
- Rating:
- Explicit
- Archive Warning:
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Category:
- M/M
- Fandoms:
- Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
- Relationships:
- Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Jackie Pike & Ilya Rozanov
- Characters:
- Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Jackie Pike, Hayden Pike, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros WAGs Ensemble (Game Changers), Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers)
- Additional Tags:
- Crack Treated Seriously, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Fluff, Found Family, Secret Relationship, Texting, Unconventional Format, Fluff and Humor, Established Relationship, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, WAG Ilya Rozanov, Outing, Dubious Consent, Sexual Coercion
- Language:
- English
- Stats:
- Published: 2026-01-17 Completed: 2026-01-29 Words: 13,739 Chapters: 3/3
the pact
Summary
Lily: Well. There is very interesting studies I have read recently.
Karolina: We’re listening!
Lily: Research shows that abstinence can significantly improve athletic performance. Testosterone levels, energy conservation, mental focus. All better with sexual abstinence.
Jackie: Wait, seriously?
Lily: Oh yes, very serious research. Professional athletes should abstain completely during playoff runs. Some studies suggest 6-8 weeks for optimal results.
Satu: SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS?!
When “Lily” gets added to the Montreal Voyageurs WAGs group chat, she comes armed with peer-reviewed research, vibrators for everyone, and one revolutionary idea: a playoff sex ban for optimal athletic performance. The WAGs are convinced it’s evidence-backed science, the team is suffering, and Ilya is having the time of his life watching his handiwork unfold.
Notes
This trope is actually one of my favorite things to ever happen to the fandom, so I had to put my own spin on it! This is my first time using a work skin and formatting a fic using HTML, so it isn’t perfect, but I tried my best 🫶
- Translation into Русский available: Пакт о невозбуждении by OneDoseOfHappiness
Chapter 1: The Pact
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
Ladies!!! I finally did it 😈 Got Hayden to sneak Shane’s phone while he was in the shower and I HAVE THE NUMBER
Jackie
Welcome Lily!!!!! We’ve been dying to meet you properly!
Sofia
FINALLY omg Shane talks about you constantly
Brittani
“Lily thinks this” “Lily said that” we’re SO glad you’re here!
Hello! This is surprise but nice surprise 😊 Thank you for adding me!
Manon
Your English is so good! Shane said you’ve been reading the New Yorker?
Yes, I practice very much. Want to be better for Shane.
Karolina
That’s so sweet 🥺
Petra
So how did you and Shane meet? He’s always SO secretive about you
We meet at … hockey event. Many years ago. He is very charming right away.
Satu
A hockey event! Are you a big Voyageurs fan then?
I watch all games. Shane is second best center in league, everyone knows this.
Holly
Awww you’re biased 😂
Jackie
Okay but seriously we need DETAILS. What’s he like when he’s with you? Does he do that thing where he gets all intense and focused?
Oh yes. Shane is very … focused. Very intense. Especially in bedroom.
Sofia
LILY OMG 💀
Brittani
I was NOT expecting that energy but I’m here for it
This is not okay to discuss? I am sorry, I think maybe my English …
Manon
No no you’re totally fine! We talk about everything in here
Karolina
Literally EVERYTHING. Nothing is off limits
Ah good. Because Shane is very athletic man, you understand. Very good stamina.
Petra
GIRL
Jackie
Okay I like you already 😂
Satu
So are you going to be able to come to any playoff games? We’d love to meet you in person!
Ah, my work schedule is difficult right now. Very busy season for me too. But I am always watching, always supporting.
Holly
What do you do for work?
I am in sports industry also. Analysis and performance.
Sofia
Oh that’s so cool! So you really understand the pressure he’s under
Yes, I understand very much. The pressure, the stress, the need to perform at highest level.
Brittani
It’s so hard during playoffs. They get SO stressed
Jackie
Hayden barely sleeps. Just watches film constantly
Actually, I have been doing some research on this topic. Performance optimization during high-stress competition periods.
Manon
Oh really? Do you have any tips? We’re all trying to figure out how to support them best
Well. There is very interesting studies I have read recently.
Karolina
We’re listening!
Research shows that abstinence can significantly improve athletic performance. Testosterone levels, energy conservation, mental focus. All better with sexual abstinence.
Jackie
Wait, seriously?
Oh yes, very serious research. Professional athletes should abstain completely during playoff runs. Some studies suggest 6-8 weeks for optimal results.
Satu
SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS?!
I know it sounds extreme. But imagine, Shane could have best playoffs of career. Hayden too. All the boys. They need to conserve every bit of energy.
Holly
Hmm I’ve heard about this but I thought it was like, a myth?
No no, very real science. I can send you studies if you like. The issue is men don’t have self-control, yes? They will beg, they will try to convince you it’s fine. But we must be strong for them.
Jackie
Oh god Hayden is going to HATE this
Sofia
Max is going to die
Brittani
This is going to be torture
But you love them, yes? You want them to win Cup?
Manon
Well obviously but …
Then we stay strong. No matter how much they beg. Even when they come home from practice all sweaty and desperate. We say no. For their own good.
Karolina
This is diabolical
Think of it this way, short term suffering for long term glory. They will thank you when they lift Cup.
Petra
I mean … when you put it that way
Also. I am not saying YOU must suffer. Only them.
Satu
What do you mean?
Well. You can still have pleasure. Just not with them. I have been researching products that might help.
Holly
LILY 💀
What! Is practical solution! You stay satisfied, they stay focused, everyone wins.
Jackie
You know what, she’s got a point
Sofia
I cannot believe we’re having this conversation
I am going to send you all something. Gift, for support during difficult time.
Brittani
You don’t have to do that!
No no, I insist. We are in this together now, yes? The WAGs, we must support each other.
Manon
That’s actually really sweet Lily
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Sofia
LILY WHAT THE FUCK
Sofia
[Photo of Rosegasm vibrator]
Sofia
MY PARENTS WERE HERE FOR LUNCH WHEN I BROUGHT IN THE PACKAGE
Brittani
I JUST GOT MINE TOO
Jackie
Is this what I think it is???
Karolina
It’s a ROSE TOY
Petra
SHE SENT US ALL ROSE TOYS
Satu
WITH A NOTE THAT SAYS “STAY STRONG”
Holly
I’m literally crying laughing
You receive gifts! Good! Now you have no excuse. The boys must remain abstinent but you don’t have to suffer.
Manon
Lily you are INSANE
I prefer to think of it as supportive 😊
Sofia
My boyfriend is going to lose his MIND when I tell him no
Brittani
Do we really think this will work though?
Trust me. It will work. You just have to commit. All of us together.
Jackie
Hayden’s already been giving me looks this morning. He always gets frisky on off days.
Stay strong Jackie! Think of the Cup!
Karolina
This is evil
Karolina
I’m in.
Petra
If we’re doing this we’re ALL doing this right? No one breaks?
Satu
Agreed. We make a pact.
Holly
The abstinence pact. During playoffs. This is actually happening.
This is beautiful moment. You are all such good girlfriends and wives. Shane is lucky to have friends with such dedicated women.
Manon
How are YOU handling it with Shane?
Oh, is very difficult. He gets so needy. But I stay firm. I remind him of goals, of what he wants to achieve. Sometimes he pouts but he understands.
Sofia
“Pouts” 😭I can’t imagine Shane pouting
Oh, you would be surprised. He can be very bratty when he doesn’t get his way.
Jackie
BRATTY?? SHANE???
Brittani
This is the best information I’ve ever received
He also makes this face, like sad puppy. Very manipulative. But I don’t fall for it.
Karolina
Okay I need to know more about Shane’s bratty side
Well. Sometimes when I say no, he will try to convince me with kisses. Start at neck, very slow, very deliberate. He knows this is my weakness.
Petra
Oh my GOD
And he will whisper things in French. Very dirty things. He thinks this will make me forget about his performance goals.
Satu
Does it work?
… sometimes. But not during playoffs! During playoffs I am strong like ox.
Holly
“Strong like ox” 😂
Is Russian expression. Means very strong.
Manon
Wait, you’re Russian? I didn’t know that!
Ah yes. Should have mentioned. I am from Russia originally.
Sofia
Your English really is excellent then!
Thank you! Shane helps me practice. Very patient teacher.
Jackie
This is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard
Brittani
Okay so … when do we start? The abstinence thing?
Tonight. After practice. That is when they will be most … how do you say … worked up.
Karolina
They’re going to think we’ve all lost our minds
Let them think this. Their confusion will keep them focused on hockey.
Petra
The psychological warfare of it all
Satu
I feel like we’re villains in a movie
Not villains. Strategic partners in their success.
Holly
I’m going to need regular updates in this chat to stay strong
Yes! We will support each other through difficult times. When they beg, we come here. We remind each other of mission.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
CODE RED
Jackie
HAYDEN JUST GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER
Jackie
WEARING ONLY A TOWEL
Jackie
LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT
Sofia
STAY STRONG
Think of Cup Jackie! Think of victory!
Jackie
He’s doing that thing where he dries his hair all slow
Jackie
This is a TARGETED ATTACK
Brittani
Use the rose toy!!!
Jackie
I CAN’T I’m in the kitchen and he’s RIGHT THERE
Manon
Tell him you have a headache?
Jackie
We both know that’s bullshit
Tell him you read about performance optimization. Tell him you want him to be his best.
Jackie
Okay I’m trying
Jackie
He’s looking at me like I’m crazy
Jackie
“Jackie what the fuck are you talking about”
Jackie
He’s literally CONFUSED
Petra
HOLD THE LINE
Jackie
He’s saying he’s never heard of this
Jackie
He’s saying it’s a myth
Jackie
Oh god he’s flexing
Satu
THE AUDACITY
Men always say this. They don’t want to believe science. You must be firm.
Jackie
I told him I’m serious
Jackie
He’s pouting now
Jackie
ACTUAL POUTING
Holly
They’re all going to be so mad
Jackie
He’s going to bed angry
Jackie
This is the first time we’ve gone to bed angry in MONTHS
Sofia
It’s for his own good!
You did very well Jackie. First night is hardest. Tomorrow will be easier.
Karolina
I’m preparing myself. Tomáš’s coming home soon.
Brittani
We got this girls
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Manon
so last night was ROUGH
Manon
Benoit did not take it well
Sofia
Max literally said “what the fuck has gotten into you”
Brittani
Are all our boyfriends comparing notes today at practice? Because this is going to spread FAST
This is good. They will talk, they will bond over shared suffering, team chemistry will improve.
Jackie
Team chemistry??? Lily they’re going to be MISERABLE
Miserable but focused! You will see. Their game will be sharper.
Petra
I really hope you’re right about this
Karolina
Tomáš tried EVERYTHING last night
Karolina
The charm, the accent, the muscles
Karolina
I almost caved
Satu
What stopped you?
Karolina
The mental image of Lily calling me weak 😂
I would never! But yes, staying strong is important.
Holly
Does Shane know about this? Like did you talk to him?
Oh yes. Shane knows my thoughts on performance optimization. He respects my knowledge.
Manon
Is he okay with it?
“Okay” is strong word. He understands necessity. Even if he doesn’t like it.
Sofia
The way you talk about him is so cute
Shane is … special man. Very dedicated to his craft. Sometimes too much in his head. This actually might help him stay present.
Brittani
That’s actually really insightful
I know him very well. His patterns, his needs, his tells. When he gets too tense, when he needs to relax, when he needs push.
Jackie
You sound like you’ve been together a long time
Feels like lifetime. In best way.
Petra
🥺🥺🥺
Satu
Okay but real talk, how long do we keep this up?
Through first round at minimum. If they advance, we reassess.
Holly
FIRST ROUND??? That’s like two weeks MINIMUM!
Could be three weeks if series goes to seven games.
Karolina
They’re going to mutiny
Then we must be united front. Stronger together.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Sofia
EMERGENCY
Sofia
The guys are talking
Sofia
Max just texted me asking if I’ve “been talking to the other girls about sex stuff”
Brittani
OH FUCK
Jackie
Hayden asked me the SAME THING
Manon
Benoit wants to know if we have a group chat
This is expected. Stay calm. Stay united.
Petra
What do we tell them???
Tell them you want them to succeed. Tell them you believe in them. Tell them you love them too much to let them sabotage themselves.
Karolina
That’s actually kind of sweet?
Make it about love. About support. Men cannot argue with this.
Satu
Kalle is calling me
Satu
Wish me luck
Holly
Godspeed soldier
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Satu
I SURVIVED
Satu
Barely
Satu
He tried the “but baby I need you” approach
Sofia
Classic
Satu
Then the “you’re so beautiful I can’t help myself” approach
Brittani
They’ve got MOVES
Satu
Then he tried to show me “research” that said the opposite
Jackie
RESEARCH???
Satu
He pulled up some article on his phone about how sex IMPROVES performance
Ah yes. I know this will happen. That research is flawed. Old data. Not accounting for modern training methods.
Manon
You really have an answer for everything don’t you
I am thorough. This is important to Shane’s success so I study.
Petra
They’re going to try everything to break us
Yes. But we are stronger. We have secret weapon.
Karolina
The rose toys?
The rose toys. And each other.
Holly
I love that we’re bonding over sexually frustrating our boyfriends
Sofia
It’s twisted but I’m here for it
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
Day 3 update: Hayden is cranky as HELL
Jackie
Like he’s always a little grumpy but this is ADVANCED grumpy
Brittani
They had practice today right? How was it?
Jackie
Apparently VERY intense
Jackie
He said Shane was “skating like a man possessed”
See! Is working already!
Sofia
Max said the same thing. Said Shane was doing extra drills, pushing everyone harder
Manon
Benoit mentioned Shane was “in a mood”
Karolina
A mood?
Manon
“Like he wanted to hit something but in a productive way”
Petra
That’s … specific
This is Shane when he is channeling frustration into performance. This is good sign.
Satu
Kalle said the whole team seems “on edge”
Holly
Hmm wonder why 😂
The tension is building. But so is their focus. You will see in game.
Jackie
First playoff game is in three days
Brittani
If they lose we’re going to look so stupid
They won’t lose. Trust me.
Sofia
You seem very confident
I know Shane. I know when he is at his best. This is when he is at his best.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Karolina
GUYS
Karolina
Tomáš TRIED TO SEDUCE ME IN THE KITCHEN
Karolina
MIDDLE OF THE DAY
Petra
DETAILS
Karolina
He came up behind me while I was making lunch
Karolina
Started kissing my neck
Karolina
Hands everywhere
Karolina
Whispering Czech in my ear
Satu
Oh that’s TACTICAL
Karolina
I was SO CLOSE to giving in
Jackie
What stopped you?
Karolina
I thought “what would Lily do”
Lily would remind him that his contract is up next year and good playoff performance means better negotiation position.
Sofia
RUTHLESS
Not ruthless. Practical.
Brittani
Did it work Karolina?
Karolina
He backed off
Karolina
But he looked so SAD
Karolina
Like kicked puppy
Manon
They’re all doing the sad puppy thing
Holly
It’s their only weapon left
Don’t fall for it. Sad puppy today, Stanley Cup champion tomorrow.
Petra
That should be on a t-shirt
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Sofia
Morning check in!
Sofia
How’s everyone holding up?
Jackie
Hayden slept on the far side of the bed
Jackie
Like PRESSED against his side
Jackie
I tried to cuddle and he said “I’m too frustrated for cuddles”
Brittani
That’s so sad 😭
Jackie
I KNOW
Jackie
But I’m staying strong
Manon
Benoit has been stress cooking
Manon
We have SO MUCH FOOD
Manon
He made THREE PIES yesterday
Satu
Stress baking! That’s actually kind of cute
Good! They are finding healthy outlets!
Karolina
Tomáš’s been going to the gym twice a day
Petra
Working out that frustration
Holly
They’re all going to be in PEAK physical condition
Exactly my point! You see? Is working!
Sofia
I have to admit … Max does look really good lately
Sofia
Like MORE defined
Brittani
The testosterone retention is REAL
Science doesn’t lie. Now imagine this on ice. Unstoppable.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
GAME DAY TOMORROW
Jackie
Everyone ready?
Petra
As ready as we’ll ever be
Satu
If they lose they’re going to blame us
They won’t lose.
Manon
You keep saying that
Because I know. Shane is in perfect mindset. Rest of team feeding off his energy. They will dominate.
Karolina
I hope you’re right
Sofia
I’m nervous
Brittani
Me too
Holly
What if this whole thing backfires?
It won’t. Trust process. Trust science. Trust that you know what’s best for men you love.
Jackie
Very motivational Lily
I am good at motivation 😊
Petra
Are you going to watch the game?
Of course. I watch every Shane game if I am not working. This one especially important.
Satu
I wish you could be there with us
Me too. But I am there in spirit. We are all in this together.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
JACKIE
OHMYGOD
Sofia
THAT GAME
Brittani
HOLY FUCK
Manon
SHANE WAS INSANE
Karolina
THREE POINTS
Petra
TWO GOALS ONE ASSIST
Satu
HE WAS EVERYWHERE
Holly
THE WHOLE TEAM WAS ON FIRE
Jackie
LILY YOU WERE RIGHT
Sofia
HAYDEN HAD TWO ASSISTS
Brittani
Max HAD A GOAL
Manon
Benoit WAS BLOCKING EVERYTHING
I told you. Trust science.
Karolina
They won 5-1!
Petra
It wasn’t even close!
Satu
Shane looked POSSESSED
Holly
In the best way
Jackie
He was so fast, so focused, so AGGRESSIVE
Sofia
When he scored that second goal I screamed
Brittani
The celly was INTENSE
He is in zone. This is what I knew would happen.
Manon
The boys are going to be SO smug
Karolina
They’re going to say this proves they don’t need abstinence
Petra
But we can’t give in now right?
NO! This is when we stay strongest! They have tasted success, now they must stay hungry!
Satu
Lily’s right
Holly
I can’t believe I’m saying this but … we keep going?
Jackie
The pact continues
Sofia
Until when though?
End of first round. Then we … reassess based on data.
Brittani
You’re really treating this like a science experiment
Because it is! And experiment is succeeding!
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
POST GAME UPDATE
Jackie
Hayden came home SO HAPPY
Jackie
Like bouncing off walls happy
Jackie
Still horny as hell though
Sofia
Max too!
Sofia
He was like “we won baby, we should celebrate”
Manon
SO TRANSPARENT
Jackie
I told Hayden I was proud of him
Jackie
That he played amazing
Jackie
That he should keep doing whatever he’s doing
Brittani
Smart!
Jackie
He was like “what I’m doing is NOT having sex”
Jackie
Very pointedly
Karolina
SUBTLE
They will try to use victory as negotiation tactic. Don’t fall for it.
Petra
Tomáš tried the same thing
Petra
“I played so well, don’t I deserve reward?”
Satu
Oh that’s GOOD
Reward is another victory. Reward is another playoff win. Reward is Cup.
Holly
You’re like a motivational speaker
I am Russian. We understand sacrifice for glory.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Sofia
Morning girls!
Sofia
So I did something potentially bad
Jackie
Oh no
Sofia
I maybe let Max … do things … that weren’t technically sex?
Brittani
SOFIA
Sofia
I KNOW
Sofia
But he was so sweet and he used the “please baby” voice
Manon
What kind of things?
Sofia
Like … hands stuff?
Karolina
That’s still breaking the pact!
Sofia
Is it though??? Is it REALLY?
Petra
I think it is
Satu
Lily what do you think?
… I think we may need to clarify rules.
Holly
Oh shit Lily sounds serious
Abstinence means abstinence. No sex, no hands, no mouths, nothing that leads to orgasm.
Sofia
NOTHING???
Nothing. Complete abstinence. Is only way.
Brittani
That’s HARSH
That’s SCIENCE.
Jackie
Okay but to be fair we never explicitly defined the rules
Manon
Jackie’s right
Fine. We define now. From this moment: NOTHING. Complete abstinence. All agree?
Karolina
Agree
Petra
Agree
Satu
Agree
Holly
Agree
Brittani
Ugh fine, agree
Jackie
Agree
Manon
Agree
Sofia
… agree
Good. Sofia gets pass for confusion but from now on, we are clear. NOTHING.
Sofia
They’re going to DIE
They’re going to WIN.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Brittani
Has anyone else’s boyfriend been extra clingy?
Karolina
YES
Karolina
Tomáš has been following me around the apartment
Karolina
Like a shadow
Petra
Cute or annoying?
Karolina
Both?
Jackie
Hayden keeps finding excuses to touch me
Jackie
“Oh let me help you with that”
Jackie
“Here let me get that for you”
Jackie
Everything is an excuse for contact
Manon
They’re touch starved
This is good sign. Means they are missing intimacy which means they are feeling effects.
Satu
Feels mean though
Love is sometimes being strong when they cannot be strong themselves.
Holly
That’s actually kind of beautiful
Sofia
Or fucked up
Sofia
Haven’t decided which
Brittani
Both. It’s both.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
GAME 2 TOMORROW
Petra
Everyone still holding strong?
Karolina
Barely but yes
Satu
Kalle asked me today if I still loved him
Satu
Because apparently denying sex means I don’t love him
Sofia
THE DRAMA
Manon
They’re really pulling out all the stops
Emotional manipulation is their final weapon. Don’t fall for it.
Brittani
What did you say Satu?
Satu
I told him I loved him SO much that I was willing to be the bad guy so he could be the best player he can be
Jackie
THAT’S PERFECT
Yes! This is exactly right approach!
Holly
I’m using that line
Karolina
We all are
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Sofia
ANOTHER WIN
Jackie
4-2!!!
Brittani
SHANE WITH ANOTHER GOAL
Karolina
HE’S ON FIRE
Petra
FOUR POINTS IN TWO GAMES
Satu
THIS IS INSANE
Holly
LILY YOUR SCIENCE IS WORKING
Not my science. THE science. I am simply messenger.
Jackie
The team is playing like they’re POSSESSED
Sofia
The commentators were talking about Montreal’s “renewed energy”
Brittani
“Best chemistry we’ve seen from this team all season”
Manon
If only they knew WHY
They can never know. This is our secret.
Karolina
The secret to hockey success: blue balls
Petra
I’m CRYING 😂
Satu
This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever been part of
Holly
And it’s WORKING
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
Can’t sleep
Jackie
Anyone else awake?
Sofia
Yeah
Yes
Brittani
Me too
Jackie
Is it weird that I kind of miss it?
Manon
Miss what?
Jackie
The intimacy. Not even the sex necessarily but like … the closeness?
Karolina
That’s not weird at all
Petra
I miss it too
Satu
Kalle tried to cuddle earlier and I let him but then he started getting handsy and I had to shut it down
Satu
He looked so hurt
Holly
This is harder than I thought it would be
It is hard. But you are doing it for them. They may not understand now but they will thank you.
Sofia
Will they though?
When they win Cup? Yes. They will understand sacrifice.
Brittani
You really believe they’ll go all the way?
I believe Shane will do everything in his power. And right now, his power is maximized.
Jackie
How long have you and Shane been together Lily?
Long enough to know him very well. To know what he needs even when he doesn’t.
Manon
That’s real love
Yes. Is real love. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Karolina
CRISIS
Karolina
I just overheard Tomáš on phone with his brother
Petra
And???
Karolina
He was complaining about me
Karolina
Saying I’ve been “different lately”
Karolina
That he doesn’t understand what’s wrong
Sofia
Oh no
Karolina
He sounded so SAD
Jackie
What are you going to do?
Karolina
I don’t know!
Karolina
I feel terrible!
Karolina. Look at me. Well, look at phone. You know what I mean.
This is temporary discomfort for long term gain. He will be fine.
Karolina
But what if he resents me?
He won’t. When this is over, when they win, he will understand. Trust.
Manon
Lily’s right
Brittani
We’ve come too far to quit now
Satu
We’re in this together
Holly
All of us
Karolina
Okay. Okay I’m staying strong.
Petra
That’s our girl
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
They’re traveling tomorrow for games 3 and 4
Sofia
Road games
Brittani
At least we’ll have some distance
Manon
Might make it easier?
Or harder. They will be lonely in hotel rooms. They will text you. They will try to FaceTime.
Karolina
Ugh you’re right
Petra
What do we do?
Stay strong. Keep conversations light. Don’t engage with their attempts at phone sex.
Satu
PHONE SEX???
Oh yes. They will try. Mark my words.
Holly
I can’t believe this is my life
Sofia
The things we do for love
Jackie
And hockey
Brittani
And science apparently
Science and love and hockey. The perfect combination.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Manon
Benoit just FaceTimed me
Manon
From hotel room
Manon
Shirtless
Sofia
TACTICAL
Manon
He was like “I miss you baby”
Manon
With THE EYES
Jackie
The sad puppy eyes?
Manon
EXACTLY THOSE
Brittani
What did you do?
Manon
I told him I missed him too but he needed to rest up for the game
Manon
He tried to argue that he could “rest better” after
Karolina
SMOOTH
Manon
I told him nice try and ended the call
Petra
QUEEN
Perfect execution. This is how we do it.
Satu
Kalle texted me a shirtless mirror selfie
Holly
THEY’RE ALL DOING IT
Sofia
Max sent me a “thinking of you” voice memo
Sofia
His voice was all low and sexy
Brittani
COORDINATED ATTACK
They are in hotel together, they are comparing strategies. This is expected.
Jackie
Military-grade manipulation
Manon
We need to be stronger
We ARE stronger. We have each other. They only have horny desperation.
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Sofia
GAME 3 WIN
Jackie
3-2 IN OT
Brittani
SHANE WITH THE OVERTIME WINNER
Manon
I SCREAMED SO LOUD
Karolina
THE CELLY WAS UNREAL
Petra
HE LOOKED SO HAPPY
Satu
THREE WINS IN A ROW
Holly
ONE MORE AND THEY SWEEP THE SERIES
See? What did I tell you? UNSTOPPABLE.
Jackie
Okay I’m officially a believer
Sofia
The science is SCIENCING
Brittani
Shane had the puck on a STRING tonight
Manon
That overtime goal was chef’s kiss
He is in flow state. This is what peak performance looks like.
Karolina
The guys are going to be so hyped tonight
Petra
And so DESPERATE
Satu
Kalle already texted saying he wishes I was there
Holly
They all wish we were there
Good thing you are not. Distance is helping.
Sofia
Cruel but effective
Jackie
Has this been the longest any of you have gone?
Brittani
WITHOUT A DOUBT
Manon
Benoit and I have never gone more than like … three days?
Karolina
Same with Tomáš
Petra
We’re at what, almost two weeks now?
Thirteen days. But who is counting? 😊
Satu
YOU apparently
I track data. Is important for analysis.
Holly
You’re terrifying and I love it
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
Morning update from the hotel
Jackie
Hayden called me at 7am
Jackie
SEVEN AM
Sofia
What did he want?
Jackie
To “hear my voice”
Jackie
He sounded so sad
Brittani
The MANIPULATION
Jackie
I know but it’s also kind of sweet?
Manon
They’re breaking
They’re not breaking. They’re focusing. One more game and series is over.
Karolina
Then what?
Then we see how long between series. Depending on other matchups, could be few days break.
Petra
Do we … continue through the break?
Satu
Oh god I haven’t thought about that
We discuss after series win. For now, stay course.
Holly
Aye aye captain
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Sofia
GAME 4 TONIGHT
Sofia
POTENTIAL SWEEP
Brittani
I’m so nervous
Manon
Me too
Jackie
If they win tonight they advance to second round
Karolina
And we’ll have been right this whole time
Petra
No pressure
No need for nerves. Team is ready. Shane is ready. Trust.
Satu
Your confidence is reassuring
Holly
Or terrifying
Holly
Haven’t decided
Why not both? 😊
Montreal Better Halves 💅
Jackie
SWEEP!!!!
Sofia
5-3 WIN!!!
Brittani
SHANE WITH TWO GOALS AND AN ASSIST
Manon
NINE POINTS IN FOUR GAMES
Karolina
HE’S ACTUALLY INSANE
Petra
THE WHOLE TEAM PLAYED AMAZING
Satu
FIRST ROUND DONE
Holly
LILY YOU’RE A GENIUS
Not genius. Just believer in science and in Shane.
Jackie
The commentators were calling it “one of the most dominant first round performances in recent memory”
Sofia
They kept talking about Montreal’s “killer instinct”
Brittani
THE IRONY
Manon
If only they knew about the pact
They can NEVER know. This is our secret forever.
Karolina
The secret that won them the series
Petra
I can’t believe it actually worked
Satu
Lily’s abstinence experiment was a SUCCESS
Holly
This is going in the history books
Holly
The secret history books
Now. We must discuss. Series is over. Do we continue?
Jackie
Oh god
Sofia
I don’t know if I can
Brittani
How long until next series?
Manon
Depends on when the other series finishes
Karolina
Could be a few days, could be a week
I propose: we give them break during off days. But once next series starts, we resume.
Petra
That’s … fair actually?
Satu
A little mercy
Holly
They’ve earned it
Jackie
All in favor?
Sofia
Aye
Brittani
Aye
Manon
Aye
Karolina
Aye
Petra
Aye
Satu
Aye
Holly
Aye
Then is decided. Tonight, they celebrate. Tomorrow, they rest. And then … we prepare for round two.
The Motherfucking Voyageurs
Hayden
okay what the FUCK
Max
???
Hayden
Jackie finally let me touch her last night
Tomáš
Oh thank god Karolina too
Benoit
Manon as well
Hayden
and she said something weird
Hayden
she said “you earned your break”
Max
BREAK??
Max
Sofia said the same thing
Tomáš
“You’ve been so good”
Tomáš
Like I’m a fucking dog
Benoit
Manon said “we can take a few days off before getting serious again”
Hayden
SERIOUS AGAIN???
Max
What the fuck does that mean
Brady
uhhhh guys
Brady
Holly said something about “resuming the pact for round 2”
Tomáš
THE PACT?!
Hayden
THERE’S A PACT?!
Max
What fucking pact
Benoit
I think our girlfriends have been conspiring
Shane
… what
Hayden
SHANE
Hayden
Your girlfriend knows about this
Shane
Knows about what?
Max
The sex ban???
Tomáš
The abstinence thing???
Shane
I don’t understand what’s happening
Hayden
Jackie said and I quote “Lily was right about the science”
Shane
…
Shane
Lily said what
Max
Sofia mentioned Lily too
Max
Something about “staying strong like Lily said”
Tomáš
Karolina keeps talking about some group chat
Benoit
THEY HAVE A GROUP CHAT
Brady
Oh fuck they definitely have a group chat
Kalle
Satu has been very secretive about her phone lately
Anthony
Brittani too
Hayden
So let me get this straight
Hayden
Our girlfriends have a group chat
Hayden
Lily is in this group chat
Hayden
Lily convinced them to sexually deprive us
Hayden
For HOCKEY PERFORMANCE
Max
I’m going to kill her
Tomáš
We’re going to kill her
Shane
Nobody is killing anyone
Benoit
Shane your girlfriend orchestrated our SUFFERING
Shane
I honestly don’t think she meant it that way
Hayden
She sent them RESEARCH
Hayden
Jackie showed me
Hayden
Some bullshit about testosterone and abstinence
Max
This is psychological warfare
Tomáš
This is a war crime
Brady
This is actually kind of genius though?
Tomáš
Kalle
Brady
I mean we DID sweep the series
Brady
and Shane has been playing out of his mind
Kalle
Nine points in four games
Anthony
Best playoff performance of his career
Shane
…
Hayden
Shane you’re being awfully quiet
Shane
I’m processing
Max
Processing what? That your girlfriend is evil?
Shane
She’s not evil
Tomáš
She made us suffer for TWO WEEKS
Benoit
Actually closer to three
Shane
And we won every game
Hayden
That’s not the POINT
Shane
Isn’t it though?
Max
SHANE
Shane
I’m just saying. The results speak for themselves.
Tomáš
I cannot believe you’re defending her
Brady
I think it’s kind of romantic
Brady
In a fucked up way
Anthony
She did it because she believes in him
Kalle
Still diabolical
Hayden
Jackie said Lily sent them all PRESENTS
Max
What kind of presents?
Hayden
I’m not saying
Tomáš
Tell us
Hayden
… rose toys
Tomáš
WHAT
Max
SHE DIDN’T
Benoit
Oh my god
Shane
She did WHAT
Hayden
Sent them all rose toys so they could “stay satisfied” while we “stayed focused”
Max
I’m deceased
Tomáš
This is insane
Shane
I need to make a phone call
Brady
Oh this is going to be good
Hayden
Give her hell Shane
Shane
I’m not giving her hell
Max
WHY NOT
Shane
Because she was trying to help?
Tomáš
By torturing us?!
Shane
By giving us an edge. And it worked.
Benoit
He’s got a point
Hayden
Don’t encourage this
Shane
Look. I’m not saying I’m HAPPY about it
Shane
But I can’t argue with nine points in four games
Max
Stockholm syndrome
Shane
Appreciation for results-driven strategy
Tomáš
You’re both terrible
Hayden
So what do we do?
Anthony
About what?
Hayden
About round two
Hayden
Jackie said something about “resuming”
Max
Oh FUCK no
Tomáš
Absolutely not
Benoit
We put our foot down
Brady
Do we though?
Kalle
What?
Brady
I mean … if it’s working …
Tomáš
Kalle
Brady
I’m just being practical!
Anthony
He’s not wrong
Max
You’re all insane
Shane
I need to talk to Lily
Hayden
Tell her we’re onto her
Shane
I’ll handle it
Tomáš
Handle it by what? Thanking her?
Shane
Maybe
Max
SHANE
Shane
I gotta go
Jane ❤️🍆🥵
Jane
So
Jane
Interesting morning
Oh? How so?
Jane
The guys figured it out
Figured what out?
Jane
Ilya
I don’t know what you’re talking about 😊
Jane
You infiltrated the WAGs group chat
Infiltrated is such harsh word
I was INVITED
Jane
You convinced them to sexually deprive my entire team
Jane
For performance enhancement
And how did your performance go?
Jane
That’s not the point
Nine points in four games says otherwise
Jane
You sent them ROSE TOYS
So they wouldn’t suffer! I was being thoughtful!
Jane
You’re a menace
I’m supportive partner who wants you to succeed
Jane
You’re a chaos agent
Can’t I be both?
Jane
How long have you been in that chat?
Since April 5
Jane
THREE WEEKS
Jane
You’ve been torturing my teammates for THREE WEEKS
Not torturing. Optimizing.
Jane
Hayden wants to kill you
Hayden doesn’t even know who I am
Jane
He knows Lily
Lily is sweet supportive girlfriend. Very innocent.
Jane
INNOCENT???
I have done nothing wrong ever in my life
Jane
You orchestrated a team-wide sex ban
For science!
Jane
You’re unbelievable
Thank you 😊
Jane
That wasn’t a compliment
Sounded like compliment
Jane
I don’t know whether to be mad or impressed
Be impressed. Mad is waste of energy.
Jane
You do realize they’re all furious right?
They’re furious NOW. They will thank me if they win Cup.
Jane
WHEN we win Cup
When? You’re starting to sound like me, Hollander.
Jane
You’re so fucking cocky
One of us has to be. You’re too busy being Canadian and boring.
Jane
I hate that you’re right about this
About what? Being cocky or the abstinence thing?
Jane
Both. Neither. I don’t know.
You played best hockey of your career these past two weeks
Jane
I know
You were focused. Sharp. In perfect flow.
Jane
I know
So maybe I am genius after all?
Jane
You’re something
But you love me anyway 💕
Jane
Unfortunately
So mean to me always
Jane
You deserve it
Jane
Did you really send them all rose toys?
Yes. Was practical solution.
Jane
Nothing about this was practical
Sure it was. They stay satisfied, you stay focused, everyone wins.
Jane
Except we were all miserable
Productive misery though
Jane
There’s no such thing
Your nine points disagree
Jane
Stop bringing up my points
Why? Are you not proud?
Jane
Of course I am but
But nothing. You played amazing. Team played amazing. I helped.
Jane
By being devious
By being smart
Jane
The guys want to know if you’re planning to do this for round two
Am I?
Jane
Lily
The WAGs and I came to agreement
Jane
Oh god
Break during off days. Resume when series starts.
Jane
You’re kidding
Science doesn’t take breaks, Hollander
Jane
My teammates are going to mutiny
They can try. The WAGs are strong now. United front.
Jane
What have you done
I have created army of determined women who want their men to succeed
Jane
You’ve created a nightmare
Tomato tomahto
Jane
That’s not how that expression works
English is not my first language
Jane
You know exactly what you’re doing
Yes. Winning.
Jane
God I wish I could kiss you right now
To shut me up?
Jane
To thank you. And also shut you up.
You can do both when you come to Boston next series 😊
Jane
IF we play Boston
When. We will both advance.
Jane
Your confidence is insane
My confidence is EARNED
Jane
Can’t argue with that
Are you really mad at me?
Jane
I should be
Jane
You went behind my back, infiltrated my team’s support system, and orchestrated a conspiracy
When you say it like that it sounds bad
Jane
It IS bad
Jane
It’s also … kind of brilliant?
I KNEW you would see reason
Jane
I didn’t say I liked it
But you understand it
Jane
Unfortunately yes
Jane
You really think this is helping?
I know it is. You feel different, yes? On ice?
Jane
… yeah
Jane
Clearer. More focused. Like everything is just … flowing.
This is what I wanted for you. Peak performance. No distractions.
Jane
You’re a distraction
But I am PRODUCTIVE distraction
Jane
You’re a menace is what you are
Yes but I am YOUR menace
Jane
Lucky me
Very lucky. Not everyone has girlfriend who understands sports science.
Jane
“Sports science” is generous
You have better term?
Jane
Psychological warfare?
That too
Jane
The guys are never going to let me live this down
Tell them to focus on hockey not on girlfriends
Jane
I’m not telling them that
Why not? Is good advice.
Jane
Because they’ll know it came from you
And?
Jane
And they already think you’re evil
I can live with this
Jane
Of course you can
Jane
You know what the worst part is?
What?
Jane
I missed you
Jane
Even knowing what you were doing, I missed you
I missed you too, Hollander
Jane
Did you really watch all the games?
Every single one if I wasn’t playing. You were beautiful.
Jane
Stop
No really. The OT winner? So sexy 🥵
Jane
You’re not allowed to use that emoji
Why not?
Jane
Because I’m supposed to be mad at you
You’re not mad though
Jane
I should be
But you’re not 😊
Jane
No. I’m not.
Jane
I’m impressed and exasperated and a little bit in awe
This is good combination
Jane
This is a WEIRD combination
You love me for my weird
Jane
I do
Jane
Unfortunately
So romantic
Jane
You don’t deserve romance right now
Jane
You deserve … I don’t know what you deserve
Championship ring?
Jane
Your confidence is truly something else
Is Russian way
Jane
The Russian way is psychological warfare apparently
We prefer term “strategic thinking”
Jane
You’re impossible
But you love me
Jane
Yeah. I really do.
Even though I tortured your teammates?
Jane
That’s fucked up right?
Little bit. But I like fucked up.
Jane
I know you do
Jane
So what now?
Now you rest. Enjoy break. Prepare for next round.
Jane
And the abstinence thing?
Resumes when series starts
Jane
The guys are going to lose their minds
They’ll survive. Builds character.
Jane
You’re terrible
Thank you ❤️
Jane
STILL NOT A COMPLIMENT
Agree to disagree
Jane
I need to go deal with the fallout
Tell them I said hello
Jane
Absolutely not
Tell them I believe in them?
Jane
They don’t want to hear from you
Their loss
Jane
Goodbye, Ilya.
Wait
Jane
What?
I’m proud of you. Nine points. Series sweep. You were everything I knew you could be.
Jane
… thanks
Jane
Even if your methods were insane
Best methods usually are
Jane
I love you
Jane
You chaos demon
I love you too, Hollander
My beautiful suffering team captain
Jane
Don’t call me that
Too late. Is new nickname.
Jane
I hate you
No you don’t 😊
Jane
No. I don’t.
Jane
Unfortunately.
Chapter 2: WAG Night
Chapter Notes
I was promised multiple people’s firstborn children if I wrote a follow up, so here you go 😉
Sofia’s apartment smells like expensive wine and homemade pasta when Ilya arrives, fashionably late because that’s what Lily would do. He’s wearing dark jeans that cost more than most people’s rent and a wool sweater that Shane once said made his eyes look “unfairly pretty.” His hair is perfectly disheveled in that way that takes fifteen minutes to achieve but looks effortless.
He rings the doorbell.
When Sofia answers, her mouth falls open. The wine glass in her hand tilts dangerously.
“Hi,” Ilya says, flashing his most charming smile. “I’m Lily.”
Sofia makes a noise that isn’t quite a word. Behind her, Ilya can hear the chatter of female voices, laughter, the clink of glasses.
“You’re-” Sofia starts.
“Late, I know,” Ilya says smoothly. “Traffic was terrible. Can I come in?”
Sofia’s brain appears to reboot. She steps aside mechanically, and Ilya walks into the apartment like he owns it, which is exactly how Lily would enter.
The living room goes silent.
Seven women stare at him. Jackie’s holding a wine bottle frozen mid-pour. Brittani has a piece of cheese halfway to her mouth. Manon’s eyes are so wide Ilya worries they might fall out.
“Surprise?” Ilya offers.
“You’re-” Karolina starts.
“Not what you expected, yes, I know,” Ilya says. He sets down the very expensive bottle of Russian vodka he brought. “But I am Lily. Shane’s Lily. From group chat.”
“You’re ILYA ROZANOV,” Petra says, her voice climbing an octave.
“Also yes.” Ilya grins. “Is problem?”
Jackie sets down the wine bottle very carefully. “Shane is dating Ilya Rozanov.”
“For several years now, yes.”
“Shane Hollander,” Brittani emphasizes. “Is dating Ilya Rozanov.”
“We’ve established this,” Ilya says pleasantly.
“Shane is gay,” Manon whispers, like it’s a secret.
“Very gay,” Ilya confirms. “Super gay. He would say just regular gay but I disagree. There is nothing regular about how gay Shane is for me.”
Satu starts laughing. It’s slightly hysterical. “We’ve been texting Ilya Rozanov for a year.”
“Eight months,” Ilya corrects. “Since March.”
“You sent us vibrators,” Holly says faintly.
“Rose toys,” Ilya corrects. “Very good quality. You’re welcome.”
“Oh my god,” Sofia says. She sits down hard on the couch. “Oh my god.”
“Can I have wine now?” Ilya asks. “Is long drive from Boston.”
Jackie, operating on autopilot, pours him a glass. Ilya takes it, settles into an armchair like he belongs there, and crosses his legs.
“So,” he says conversationally. “How have you all been?”
For a moment, nobody speaks. Then Karolina starts giggling. Then Petra joins her. Then they’re all laughing, slightly manic, while Ilya sips his wine and waits.
“I can’t believe this,” Jackie says, wiping her eyes. “We’ve been telling Ilya Rozanov about our sex lives.”
“Partially limited sex lives,” Ilya points out. “Because of abstinence pact I created.”
“You’re a monster,” Brittani says, but she’s grinning.
“I prefer strategic thinker,” Ilya says. “But monster works too.”
“Does Shane know you’re here?” Manon asks.
“Absolutely not. He would die. Very dramatically.” Ilya takes another sip. “Is better as surprise.”
“He’s going to kill you,” Sofia says.
“Maybe. But what beautiful death it will be.”
Satu leans forward. “Okay but seriously. You and Shane. How long?”
“We meet at International Prospect Cup. 2008. Was very …” Ilya pauses, remembering. “Intense. We hate each other first. Then we hate-fuck. Then we fall in love. Is very romantic story.”
“Hate-fuck?” Holly repeats weakly.
“Oh yes. Very aggressive. Very athletic. Shane has excellent stamina for Canadian.” Ilya smirks. “Now we just regular fuck. Still athletic though.”
“I need more wine,” Petra says.
Jackie refills everyone’s glasses. The shock is wearing off, replaced by fascination.
“So you’ve been together for ten years?” Brittani asks.
“On and off. Then on last few years. Before that we are stupid and stubborn. Very tragic. Like Russian literature but with more fucking.”
Manon chokes on her wine.
“You have to tell us everything,” Karolina demands.
“Everything? We don’t have that much time.”
“We have all night,” Sofia says. “The guys are in Tampa. We have hours.”
Ilya considers this. He looks at their eager faces, their wine-flushed cheeks, and thinks fuck it. This is exactly the kind of chaos he lives for.
“Fine,” he says. “But we need more wine first.”
Two bottles later, they’re all sprawled across Sofia’s living room like casualties of war. Ilya is holding court from the armchair, legs tucked under him, gesturing with his wine glass.
“-and then Shane, he looks at me, and he says ‘I fucking hate you,’ but his dick is so hard, and I say ‘yes, you hate me, this is why you are begging-’”
“Stop,” Jackie shrieks, laughing. “I can’t handle this.”
“You ask for stories!” Ilya protests.
“I didn’t think they’d be so detailed,” she gasps.
“You want boring stories? Go read book. You want truth? Truth is detailed.”
Brittani is crying from laughing. “The way you’re describing Shane is breaking my brain. He’s so … professional. So composed.”
“In public, yes. In bed?” Ilya grins wickedly. “Is different Shane. Very vocal. Very demanding. Sometimes bratty.”
“Bratty,” Manon repeats in disbelief.
“Oh yes. When he doesn’t get his way, he pouts. Makes sad eyes. Tries to manipulate with kisses.” Ilya sips his wine. “Is very cute. Never works but is cute.”
“I cannot believe Shane Hollander pouts,” Petra says.
“Canadian golden boy,” Ilya says mockingly. “Perfect Shane. So polite, so humble. Then in private he is …” He makes an expansive gesture. “Menace.”
“Like you?” Satu asks slyly.
“We are perfect match. Both menaces. He is organized menace, I am chaos menace. Together we are unstoppable.”
Holly refills her glass. “Okay but the abstinence thing. That was actually your idea?”
“Was research-based idea,” Ilya says with dignity.
“It was psychological warfare,” Jackie says.
“Yes, also that.” Ilya grins unrepentantly. “But it work, no? They sweep first round.”
“They were miserable,” Sofia says.
“Productive misery. Shane had nine points in four games. Best playoff performance of career.”
“Hayden still brings it up,” Jackie admits. “He’ll be mad about something completely different and then suddenly he’s like ‘remember when your friend Lily convinced you all to sexually torture us?’”
Ilya laughs, delighted. “Is because it work so well. Men cannot admit when women are smarter.”
“You’re not even a woman!” Brittani points out.
“No, but I am smarter.” Ilya shrugs. “Same result.”
“Does Shane know you catfished us for eight months?” Manon asks.
“He knows. He is …” Ilya considers. “Exasperated. But also impressed. He cannot decide if he wants to yell at me or kiss me. Usually he does both.”
“That’s actually kind of romantic,” Karolina says.
“We are very romantic. Very disgusting. Shane makes me soft. Before Shane, I am …” Ilya waves his hand. “Different. Harder. Didn’t believe in love. Then this stupid Canadian with his stupid face and stupid kindness and I am-” He makes a helpless gesture. “Ruined.”
“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” Petra says softly.
“Don’t tell anyone. I have reputation to maintain.”
“As what, a chaos demon?” Holly asks.
“Exactly. Is brand.”
Sofia leans forward, eyes bright with wine and curiosity. “Okay but seriously. What’s it like? Dating Shane?”
Ilya is quiet for a moment, his expression softening in a way that transforms his entire face.
“Is like … coming home,” he says finally. “I travel so much, yes? Different cities, different countries. But Shane, he is home. Doesn’t matter where we are. When I am with him, I am home.”
The room has gone quiet.
“He makes me better person,” Ilya continues. “More patient. More thoughtful. He sees best in me even when I don’t see it myself. And he …” Ilya pauses, searching for words. “He loves me. Not Ilya Rozanov the hockey player. Not the stats or the talent. Just me. Ilya. The messy, difficult, too-much me.”
“Oh my god you’re making me cry,” Jackie says, fanning her face.
Ilya snaps back to himself, grinning. “Enough feelings. Is making me uncomfortable. More wine!”
Manon refills his glass. “So you’re bi, right? That’s what you said in the chat?”
“Yes. I don’t discriminate. Beautiful is beautiful.” Ilya shrugs. “I have been with many women, some men. Before Shane, I am what you call …” He searches for the word. “Slut?”
“Ilya,” Satu gasps, laughing.
“Is true! I like sex, I am good at sex, people want to have sex with me. Simple.”
“And now?” Karolina asks.
“Now I am reformed slut. Exclusively for Shane.” Ilya smirks. “But I remember techniques. Very valuable knowledge.”
Petra sits up straighter. “Are you offering to share this knowledge?”
“Are you asking for sex tips from your team’s biggest rival?” Ilya counters.
“You’re also our friend,” she points out. “You’re one of the girls now.”
Ilya considers this. “You know what? Yes. I am WAG. I accept this position.”
“Oh god,” Jackie says. “What have we done.”
“You have gained valuable resource,” Ilya says. “I know things. Many things. Things that would make your men very happy.”
“We’re listening,” Brittani says immediately.
Holly laughs. “Are we really doing this?”
“When else will we get sex advice from Ilya Rozanov?” Sofia points out.
“Fair point.”
Ilya sets down his wine glass and leans forward conspiratorially. “Okay. First thing you need to know is hockey players are very …” He pauses. “How do I say? Responsive. All that physical training, the body awareness, the focus. If you know what you’re doing, you can make them absolutely fall apart.”
“I’m taking notes,” Manon says, actually pulling out her phone.
“Good. First: the neck. Hockey players, they get hit in shoulders, chest, back, yes? But neck is neglected. Very sensitive. You kiss here-” He touches the side of his own neck. “Right where jaw meets throat. Very slow. Use tongue. They will make embarrassing noises.”
Karolina is blushing but leaning in. “Where else?”
“Hipbones. You know those lines, the V?” Ilya traces the shape in the air. “Very sensitive. You kiss along here, maybe bite a little, they lose their minds.”
“Does this work on Shane?” Petra asks.
“Shane is especially weak for this,” Ilya confirms. “He tries to be quiet, very stoic, but then I put my mouth here and suddenly he is swearing in French.”
“French?” Jackie practically shouts.
“Oh yes. When he is very turned on, the French comes out. Is very sexy. Sometimes I don’t even know what he is saying but I know is dirty.”
Brittani is fanning herself. “Okay what else.”
“Hands,” Ilya says. “Hockey players have very strong hands. Calloused, rough. But also very sensitive in palms. You want to make them crazy? Suck on their fingers.”
“Like … in a sexual way?” Satu asks.
Ilya gives her a look. “Yes, in sexual way. Not like eating chicken wings.”
The room dissolves into laughter.
“Wait wait,” Manon says. “More tips.”
“Okay. This one is important.” Ilya’s expression turns serious. “The prostate.”
Holly chokes on her wine. “The what now?”
“Prostate,” Ilya repeats calmly. “Is not just for gay men. All men have prostate. Is magic button. You press magic button, they see God.”
“Are you suggesting-” Karolina starts.
“I am not suggesting. I am stating fact. You want to give your boyfriend best orgasm of his life? Prostate stimulation.”
“But that’s …” Petra trails off.
“In the butt, yes,” Ilya says bluntly. “Is where prostate is. Is biology, not gay or straight. Shane, he is very gay, this is not new for him. But your boyfriends? Probably they have never tried.”
“I cannot have this conversation with Tomáš,” Karolina says faintly.
“Why not? You think he doesn’t want to feel good?”
“It’s just … I don’t know how to bring it up.”
Ilya waves a hand. “You start slow. Maybe during blowjob, you touch outside first. Gauge reaction. If positive, you continue. If not, you wait. Try again later. Men are like horses, you have to gentle them.”
“Did you just compare men to horses?” Sofia asks incredulously.
“Is accurate comparison. Easily spooked, need patience, respond well to treats.”
“The treats being orgasms?” Brittani clarifies.
“Obviously.”
Jackie is crying laughing again. “I love you. I love that you’re here.”
“I love that I am here too,” Ilya says warmly. “You are all very fun. I understand why Shane likes his teammates’ girlfriends.”
“Does he know we know?” Manon asks. “About you two?”
“Not yet. Will be good surprise when he finds out.”
“He’s going to panic,” Petra says.
“Yes. Will be very entertaining.” Ilya grins. “But you won’t tell anyone else, yes? Is important. Shane is not ready for public knowing he is gay.”
The mood shifts slightly, becomes more serious.
“Of course not,” Jackie says immediately. “We would never.”
“Your secret is safe with us,” Sofia adds.
“All of our secrets are safe,” Karolina says, looking around at the group. “What happens in the WAG chat stays in the WAG chat.”
“Even when the WAG is actually Ilya Rozanov in disguise,” Satu adds.
“Especially then,” Holly agrees.
Ilya feels something warm and unexpected in his chest. These women, they barely know him, and yet they’re already closing ranks, already protecting him and Shane.
“Thank you,” he says, and means it.
“You’re one of us now,” Brittani says. “One of the girls.”
“A WAG,” Petra confirms.
“Does this mean I get to complain about Shane in the group chat?” Ilya asks.
“Absolutely,” Jackie says. “I want to hear everything.”
“Oh, I have many complaints. He is very stubborn. Very competitive. Cannot handle when I am better at things than him.”
“What are you better at?” Manon asks curiously.
“Everything,” Ilya says with a straight face.
They all laugh.
“Okay but seriously,” he continues. “Cooking. I am much better cook. Shane, he can make like three things. Grilled chicken, steamed broccoli, protein shake. Is pathetic. So I cook, and he does dishes, and is good system.”
“That’s actually really domestic,” Sofia says.
“We are very domestic when together. Is nice. Quiet. Shane reads his boring hockey books, I watch my trashy reality TV, we are happy.”
“Boring hockey books?” Brittani asks.
“Strategy, history, player biographies. So boring. I tell him this, he tells me my TV is rotting my brain. We agree to disagree.”
“You’re so normal,” Karolina says wonderingly. “Like, you’re Ilya Rozanov, he’s Shane Hollander, you’re these huge hockey stars, but you’re also just … a couple.”
“Is what Shane always says. When we are together, we are just Ilya and Shane. Not the rivalry, not the pressure. Just us.”
“How do you make it work?” Petra asks. “With the distance, the schedules, the secret?”
Ilya is quiet for a moment, thinking.
“Is not easy,” he admits. “Sometimes is very hard. We fight. We get jealous. We miss each other. But Shane, he is worth fighting for. Worth the distance, the secret, all of it. When I am on ice and I see him across the faceoff circle, and nobody else knows that later I will have him in my bed …” Ilya’s smile turns wicked. “Is worth everything.”
“That’s actually beautiful,” Satu says softly.
“Don’t tell Shane I am being sentimental. He will be insufferable.”
“Too late,” Holly says. “We’re definitely telling him.”
“You are all terrible. I take back the sex tips.”
“No take backs,” Jackie shouts.
Ilya laughs. “Fine. But I need more wine first. And you need to tell me embarrassing stories about your boyfriends. Is only fair.”
“Oh, I have stories,” Sofia says gleefully.
“Tony once got his hockey stick stuck in a door,” Brittani offers.
“Benoit cried during The Notebook,” Manon adds.
“Tomáš is terrified of spiders,” Karolina contributes.
The stories flow as freely as the wine. They migrate from the living room to the kitchen, raiding Sofia’s refrigerator, making tuna melts at midnight because Ilya insists he can make it better than any of them (he can). They sprawl across the floor, sharing secrets and laughter, and somewhere around 2 AM, Ilya realizes he’s having more fun than he’s had in months.
“Okay, okay,” he says, slightly wine-drunk and very happy. “I have question.”
“Shoot,” Jackie says.
“Why you all stay with them? Your hockey players. Is hard life. They are gone all the time, very focused on sport, sometimes emotionally constipated-”
“Hey,” Satu protests.
“Is true though, yes?”
She pauses. “… yes.”
“So why?”
The women look at each other.
“Because when they’re home,” Petra says slowly, “when they’re really present, it’s … it’s everything.”
“Because they try,” Sofia adds. “They’re not perfect, but they try so hard to make it work.”
“Because they love us,” Karolina says simply. “And we love them. Even when they’re frustrating or absent or too focused on hockey. We love them.”
“Is good answer,” Ilya says softly.
“Why do you stay with Shane?” Manon asks. “You could have anyone. You don’t have to deal with the secret, the distance.”
Ilya doesn’t even hesitate. “Because Shane is home. Because when I am with him, I am best version of myself. Because he makes me laugh, makes me think, makes me want to be better. And because …” He pauses, feeling vulnerable in a way he rarely allows. “Because he is only person who has ever truly seen me. Not the mask, not the performance. Me. And he chose me anyway.”
“Damn it, you’re making me cry again,” Jackie says, wiping her eyes.
“Is your fault for asking emotional questions.”
Holly stands up, slightly unsteady. “I’m making a declaration.”
“Oh god,” Brittani mutters.
“I declare,” Holly continues solemnly, “that Ilya Rozanov is officially one of the WAGs.”
“Seconded,” Sofia says.
“All in favor?” Jackie asks.
“AYE,” they chorus.
Ilya stands, puts his hand over his heart. “I accept this great honor. I promise to provide chaos, sex tips, and questionable decisions.”
“That’s all we ask,” Petra says solemnly.
They drink to it, crashing their wine glasses together with more enthusiasm than coordination.
“Oh!” Manon says suddenly. “We should take a picture.”
“To commemorate?”
“To blackmail Ilya with later.”
“I like how you think,” Ilya says approvingly.
They pile together on Sofia’s couch, a tangle of limbs and wine-flushed faces. Manon sets up the timer on her phone, and they all squeeze in, laughing. Ilya is in the center, flanked by Jackie and Sofia, and he’s smiling wider than he has in weeks.
The camera flashes.
“Wait,” Karolina shouts. “We need a new group chat name.”
“The WAGs and Ilya?” Brittani suggests.
“The Secret Society of Hockey Girlfriends,” Satu offers.
“The Chaos Collective,” Ilya says.
They all look at him.
“What? Is accurate.”
“I love it,” Jackie declares. “All in favor of The Chaos Collective?”
Another chorus of ayes.
“It’s official,” Sofia says, typing rapidly on her phone. “We are The Chaos Collective.”
Ilya’s phone buzzes. The group chat name has been updated.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Sofia
OFFICIAL PHOTO
Sofia
[Image: The eight of them crammed on a couch, laughing, wine glasses raised]
Jackie
This is my favorite picture ever
Brittani
Frame it
Manon
Put it in a museum
I look very beautiful
Karolina
So humble
I don’t believe in false modesty
Petra
We know
It’s nearly 3 AM when Ilya finally calls for an Uber. The women walk him to the door, slightly swaying, definitely drunk, absolutely euphoric.
“Thank you,” Jackie says, hugging him tightly. “For coming. For trusting us.”
“Thank you for not throwing me out when I show up,” Ilya says.
“We could never,” Sofia says. “You’re one of us now.”
“A Voyageurs WAG for life,” Brittani adds.
“Stuck with us forever,” Manon confirms.
Ilya hugs each of them, feeling that warm thing in his chest expand. He’s never had friends like this — people who know everything, the secret, the relationship, the chaos, and love him anyway.
“Same time next month?” He asks.
“You’re coming back?” Karolina asks, delighted.
“Of course. Someone needs to provide quality sex advice.”
“And chaos,” Petra adds.
“That too.”
His Uber arrives. He’s halfway down the walkway when Holly calls out, “Hey Ilya?”
He turns.
“We really won’t tell anyone,” she says seriously. “About you and Shane. Your secret is safe.”
Ilya’s throat gets tight. “I know. Thank you.”
“And Ilya?” Jackie adds. “You make Shane really happy. We can tell. So thank you for that too.”
He can’t speak for a moment. Just nods and gets in the car.
As they pull away, Ilya looks back at the eight women crowded in Sofia’s doorway, waving like maniacs, and he thinks Shane is going to absolutely lose his mind when he finds out about tonight.
He can’t wait.
Jane ❤️🍆🥵
I did something
Is very funny
You will laugh
Or maybe kill me
Could go either way
But is good story for when you kill me
Love you 💕
Don’t be mad
Okay maybe be little mad
But also impressed
See you when you get home 😊
He falls asleep smiling, already planning how to tell Shane about his night as an honorary WAG.
It’s going to be glorious.
Jackie refills Hayden’s wine glass for the third time, watching him relax into the couch cushions. They’ve just finished dinner — his favorite, which she made from scratch — and he’s looking at her with soft, grateful eyes.
“This is nice,” he says, pulling her closer. “We should do this more often.”
“Mm-hmm.” Jackie kisses his neck, right where Ilya said. Hayden makes a small sound. “I was thinking we could try something new tonight.”
“New?” Hayden’s hands slide down her back. “I like new.”
“Good.” She straddles his lap, grinding down slowly. “Because I’ve been doing some research.”
“Research?” He’s already distracted, hands gripping her hips. “On what?”
“Ways to make you feel really, really good.”
“I always feel good with you,” he murmurs against her throat.
Jackie pulls back to look at him. “Better than good. Like mind-blowing.”
Hayden grins. “I’m listening.”
She takes a breath. “Have you ever thought about … prostate stimulation?”
Hayden’s hands still. “What?”
“The prostate. It’s-”
“I know what it is.” His expression shifts, becomes guarded. “That’s … that’s a gay thing.”
“It’s not a gay thing, it’s an anatomy thing. All men have a prostate.”
“Yeah, but …” Hayden shifts uncomfortably beneath her. “I’m not into that.”
“Have you ever tried it?”
“No, because I’m not gay, Jackie.”
She can hear Ilya’s voice in her head. Men are like horses. Easily spooked.
“I know you’re not gay,” she says patiently. “But the prostate is literally designed to feel good when stimulated. It’s not about sexuality, it’s about pleasure.”
“I don’t need that kind of pleasure.”
“But what if you’d really like it?”
Hayden’s jaw sets. “I’m fine with regular sex.”
“This would be part of regular sex. Just … enhanced.”
“Jackie.” He moves her off his lap, stands up. “I don’t know where this is coming from, but I’m not interested.”
She stands too, frustrated. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m being ridiculous? You’re the one who wants to-” He stops, shakes his head. “No. Just no.”
“Hayden-”
“I said no, Jackie.”
He walks out of the room, and Jackie drops back onto the couch with a groan. She pulls out her phone.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Jackie
Well that went terribly
Jackie
He thinks I’m trying to make him gay
Sofia
Oh god I’m 99% sure Max will say the same thing
Brittani
Is there a script they all have???
Sofia waits until Max is loose and pliant beneath her, oiled up from a post-game massage and barely keeping from whimpering into the pillow.
“Baby,” she murmurs, kissing down his spine. “Can I try something?”
“Anything,” Max gasps. “God, anything.”
She reaches for the lube, slicks up her fingers. “Just relax for me.”
She starts external, just pressing against his perineum while she strokes him. Max jerks, makes a shocked sound.
“What—what are you-”
“Does it feel good?”
“I—yes, but-”
She presses a little firmer, and Max’s hips buck involuntarily. She can feel him getting harder in her hand.
“Oh fuck,” he breathes.
Encouraged, Sofia lets one finger drift back, circling slowly. Max tenses immediately.
“Wait, what are you doing?”
“Just trying something. Trust me?”
“Sofia, I don’t—that’s-”
She presses just slightly inside, and Max scrambles away from her, turning over with wide eyes.
“Were you just trying to finger my ass?”
“I mean … technically yes?”
“Why?” He sounds genuinely baffled.
“Because it feels good? Because the prostate is literally a pleasure center?”
Max’s face flushes. “That’s for … that’s not for me.”
“Have you ever tried?”
“No! Why would I try that?”
“Because you might like it!”
“I’m not gay, Sof.”
She wants to scream. “Neither is your prostate! It’s just sitting there, full of nerve endings, waiting to make you feel incredible, and you won’t even TRY because of some weird hang-up about masculinity!”
Max pulls the blanket around himself defensively. “It’s not a hang-up, it’s just not my thing.”
“How do you know if you’ve never tried?”
“I just know, okay?”
They stare at each other. Sofia’s phone buzzes.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Brittani
Update: total disaster
Karolina
Same
Manon
Benoit FLED THE BEDROOM
Sofia
Adding Max to the list of cowards
Shane walks into Ilya’s apartment using his key, drops his bag, and finds Ilya in the kitchen wearing sweatpants and nothing else, cooking something that smells amazing.
“Ilya,” Shane says, wrapping his arms around him from behind. “Missed you.”
“Is only three days since you saw me,” Ilya says, but he’s smiling, leaning back into Shane’s chest.
“Three days too many.”
Ilya turns in his arms, kisses him slow and deep. “You want dinner first or …”
“Or,” Shane says immediately.
Ilya laughs, lets Shane pull him toward the bedroom. They strip each other with practiced ease, fall into bed in a tangle of limbs. Ilya kisses down Shane’s chest, takes him in his mouth, and Shane threads fingers through his hair.
“Fuck, Ilya,” Shane gasps.
Ilya hums around him, clearly pleased with himself. But then he pulls off, reaches for the lube, and Shane knows what’s coming. His whole body goes liquid with anticipation.
“Roll over,” Ilya murmurs, voice low and commanding.
“So demanding,” Shane says, but he’s already moving, already complying.
Ilya’s hands are confident and sure as he opens Shane up, two fingers becoming three. He finds Shane’s prostate easily, has years of practice knowing exactly how to reduce him to begging.
“Please,” Shane gasps into the pillow. “Ilya, please-”
“I’ve got you,” Ilya murmurs, and slides home.
The angle is perfect, hitting Shane’s prostate with every thrust. He’s making embarrassing noises, can’t help it, hands fisted in the sheets while Ilya takes him apart piece by piece.
“Touch yourself,” Ilya orders, and Shane obeys immediately, wrapping a hand around himself.
It takes maybe thirty seconds before he’s coming with a shout, clenching around Ilya, who follows him over with a groan.
After, when they’re cleaned up and tangled together, Ilya kisses Shane’s shoulder. “Good?”
“You know it was good, you smug bastard,” Shane mutters, but he’s smiling.
Ilya laughs, pulls him closer. “Is because I know exactly what you need.”
“Yeah,” Shane agrees softly. “You really do.”
They doze for a while, but then Shane feels Ilya hardening against his hip again.
“Already?” Shane asks, amused.
“What can I say? You are very inspiring.”
Shane rolls to face him, kissing him deep. “Then inspire me back.”
This time Ilya takes his time, working Shane open with maddening slowness, ignoring his pleas to go faster. When he finally pushes inside again, the angle is different, deeper, and Shane sees stars.
“Right there,” Shane gasps. “Fuck, right there-”
Ilya grins against his neck. “I know where ‘there’ is, moya lyubov. I always know.”
He proves it by hitting Shane’s prostate with ruthless precision, over and over, until Shane is writhing beneath him, begging in broken English.
“So beautiful like this,” Ilya murmurs. “So perfect when you fall apart for me.”
“Ilya, I can’t—I’m going to-”
“Come for me,” Ilya says, and Shane does, untouched, spilling between them with a broken moan.
Ilya follows moments later, biting down on Shane’s shoulder to muffle his own groan.
Later, when they’re finally sated and boneless, Shane traces patterns on Ilya’s chest. “I love you.”
“I know. I am very loveable.”
Shane pinches his side. “Brat.”
“Your brat.”
“Unfortunately.”
They fall asleep wrapped around each other, perfectly content.
Karolina tries a different approach. She waits until Tomáš is relaxed after a game, endorphins high, already half-hard from the adrenaline.
“I want to try something,” she says, running her hands down his chest.
“Da? What do you want to try?”
She straddles him, grinds down. “I read about this thing. A way to make orgasms more intense for men.”
Tomáš’s hands grip her hips. “More intense sounds good.”
“It involves internal stimulation.”
“Internal?”
“Like … from inside.”
Tomáš’s eyes narrow. “Inside where?”
“Your … um. Your ass.”
Tomáš sits up so fast she nearly falls off the bed. “Karolina.”
“Just hear me out-”
“No.” He’s shaking his head emphatically. “No, no, no.”
“Tomáš, it’s not what you think-”
“You think I don’t know what this is? This is …” He gestures helplessly. “This is gay sex thing.”
“It’s NOT a gay thing! Straight men can enjoy prostate stimulation!”
“Not this straight man.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know.” Tomáš stands up, starts pacing. “Where is this coming from? Are you not satisfied? Am I not enough?”
“What? No! This isn’t about me, it’s about making you feel good!”
“I feel good! I feel very good with regular sex!”
“But you could feel better!”
“I don’t want to feel better like that!”
Karolina flops back on the bed with a frustrated groan. Her phone buzzes.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Petra
I give up
Satu
Same
Holly
They’re IMPOSSIBLE
Karolina
Adding Tomáš to the coward list
Manon tries during a lazy Sunday morning blowjob. Benoit is relaxed, happy, not expecting anything unusual. She takes him deep, uses her tongue the way he likes, and when he’s really into it, she lets one finger drift back.
Benoit’s eyes fly open. “Manon? What-”
She pulls off just enough to speak. “Relax. Trust me.”
“But you’re-”
“Just touching. Does it feel good?”
“I … I don’t …” But he’s still hard, still interested despite his confusion.
She goes back to sucking him while her finger circles gently. Benoit’s breathing gets ragged.
“Oh god, that’s—that’s weird-”
“Weird bad?”
“I don’t—fuck—I don’t know-”
She presses just slightly inside, and Benoit scrambles backward so fast he nearly falls off the bed.
“MANON.”
“What?”
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to make you feel good!”
“By sticking your finger in my ass?!”
“The prostate is a male G-spot, Benoit!”
“I don’t have a G-spot! I have a dick! The dick is fine! The dick is GREAT!”
“But-”
“No buts. Literally no butts. We are not doing butt stuff.”
He wraps the sheet around himself like a toga and retreats to the bathroom. Manon hears the lock click.
She texts the group chat.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Manon
He LOCKED HIMSELF IN THE BATHROOM
Jackie
Oh my god
Sofia
They’re all such BABIES
Brittani
Ilya made it sound so easy
“Again?” Shane asks, breathless and boneless.
“You complain?” Ilya kisses his hip.
“Not complaining. Just … you’re insatiable.”
“You love it.”
“I do,” Shane admits.
Ilya reaches for the toy they sometimes use, a vibrating prostate massager that Shane pretends to be embarrassed about but actually loves.
“Oh,” Shane says. “That.”
“This,” Ilya confirms, slicking it up.
He works Shane open slowly, thoroughly, until he’s ready. The toy slides in easily, and Ilya positions it just right before turning it on.
Shane’s whole body jerks. “Oh fuck-”
“Good?”
“You know it’s good, you smug bastard-”
Ilya grins, takes Shane in his mouth while the toy does its work. It takes maybe two minutes before Shane is coming with a shout, hand fisted in Ilya’s hair.
“I hate you,” Shane pants afterward.
“You love me.”
“Unfortunately.”
Ilya crawls up to kiss him. “Want to return favor?”
“Give me five minutes to remember how to move.”
“Take your time. We have all night.”
Holly decides to just go for it. No buildup, no seduction, just honesty.
“Brady, I want to peg you.”
Brady looks up from his phone. “You want to what?”
“Peg you. With a strap-on. I bought one.”
“You—when did you buy a strap-on?”
“Last week. It’s very nice. Purple. Got good reviews.”
Brady just stares at her. “Holly. Babe. I love you. But are you out of your mind?”
“Why is that out of my mind?”
“Because I’m not interested in getting fucked by my girlfriend!”
“Why not? I let you fuck me.”
“That’s DIFFERENT.”
“How?”
“Because you’re a woman. Women are supposed to-” He stops. “I’m not saying this right.”
“No, please, continue. Women are supposed to what?”
“I just mean … anatomically …”
“Anatomically, you have a prostate. Which feels good when stimulated. That’s just biology, Brady.”
“I don’t care about biology! I care about not having things in my ass!”
“Have you ever tried?”
“NO.”
“Then how do you know you won’t like it?”
“BECAUSE I KNOW MYSELF, HOLLY.”
She crosses her arms. “You’re being close-minded.”
“I’m being normal!”
“There’s nothing abnormal about prostate pleasure!”
“There is when you’re a straight man!”
Holly’s phone buzzes with multiple notifications. She doesn’t even need to look.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Petra
Total failure
Satu
Mine too
Brittani
I’m ready to give up
Holly
Same
Satu takes the subtle approach. During sex, when Kalle is buried inside her and clearly enjoying himself, she wraps her legs around him and whispers, “I want to make you feel even better.”
“This is pretty good,” Kalle pants.
“I know. But there’s this thing …” She runs her hands down his back, over his ass. “If I touch you here …”
She presses against his perineum from outside, and Kalle makes an interesting noise.
“What was that?” Satu asks innocently.
“I don’t—nothing—just surprised-”
She presses again, firmer, and Kalle’s rhythm falters.
“Does it feel good?”
“It’s … it’s weird.”
“Weird bad?”
“Just weird.”
Satu reaches for the lube on the nightstand. “Can I try something?”
“What are you—Satu, what are you doing?”
“Just experimenting.”
She slicks her finger, reaches back, and Kalle freezes completely.
“Nope. No. Absolutely not.”
“Kalle-”
“My safeword is Finland.”
“We don’t have a safeword!”
“WE DO NOW. FINLAND. FINLAND!”
He pulls out and rolls away so fast he falls off the bed. Satu peers over the edge at him.
“Are you okay?”
“Am I okay? You just tried to violate me!”
“I wasn’t violating you! I was trying to stimulate your prostate!”
“WITHOUT ASKING!”
“I asked if I could try something!”
“That was vague, Satu!”
He grabs his boxers and retreats to the living room. Satu texts the group.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Satu
He said his safeword is FINLAND 😭
Jackie
I’m crying
Sofia
They’re all so dramatic
Shane wakes up to Ilya’s mouth on him, hot and perfect. He threads his fingers through Ilya’s hair, lets himself get lost in the sensation.
“Ilya,” he breathes. “God, you’re so good-”
Ilya pulls off with an obscene sound. “I know.”
“Cocky.”
“You love when I am cocky.”
“I love you period.”
Ilya’s expression softens. “Sappy Canadian.”
He goes back to work, and Shane feels Ilya’s hand drift lower, fingers slick with lube. He spreads his legs automatically, knows what’s coming.
Ilya works one finger inside, then two, finding Shane’s prostate with embarrassing ease. Shane’s hips buck up, seeking more.
“Please,” he gasps. “Please, Ilya-”
“I have you, solnyshko.”
Ilya takes him deep while simultaneously crooking his fingers just right, and Shane comes with a broken shout, seeing stars.
“You’re going to kill me,” Shane pants afterward.
“What a way to go though, yes?”
“Yeah,” Shane agrees, pulling Ilya up for a kiss. “What a way to go.”
Brittani tries during foreplay, just casually mentioning it while she’s stroking him.
“Hey, what if we tried prostate stimulation?”
Anthony’s eyes go wide. “What?”
“You know, for your prostate. It’s supposed to be really intense.”
“Brittani, I love you, but no.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not into that!”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
“But-”
“No buts. No butt stuff. Just … regular stuff.”
“This could be regular stuff if you’d just try it-”
“I don’t need to try it to know I don’t want it!”
Brittani groans in frustration. Anthony looks concerned.
“Did someone tell you to do this?” he asks. “Is this some kind of … trend?”
“It’s not a trend, it’s anatomy!”
“Whose anatomy? Not mine!”
“EVERYONE’S ANATOMY, Tony.”
He pulls away from her. “I think we should just … not tonight.”
“Are you seriously turning down sex because I suggested one thing?”
“I’m turning down sex because my girlfriend is trying to pressure me into something I’m not comfortable with!”
“I’m not pressuring you, I’m educating you!”
They glare at each other. Anthony grabs his pillow.
“I’m sleeping on the couch.”
“FINE.”
After he’s gone, Brittani texts the group.
The Chaos Collective 😈
Brittani
He’s sleeping on the couch
Manon
Benoit did that too
Karolina
Tomáš has been in the guest room for two days
Jackie
This was a terrible idea
Sofia
I blame Ilya
Shane drives to practice, his body pleasantly sore from last night. He and Ilya had gone three rounds, trying out the new toy Ilya ordered, and Shane is definitely feeling it this morning.
He walks into the locker room and immediately notices something’s off.
Hayden is moving stiffly, wincing as he sits down.
Max is walking like he pulled something, careful and slow.
Tomáš is practically shuffling, his face carefully blank.
Benoit lowers himself onto the bench like he’s eighty years old.
Brady is standing because sitting clearly hurts.
Kalle is stretching in a way that suggests he’s compensating for something.
Anthony is moving like he’s injured but trying to hide it.
Shane looks around at his teammates, all of them clearly uncomfortable, all of them avoiding eye contact with each other.
“Everyone okay?” Coach asks, frowning. “We have a lot of … unusual movement patterns this morning.”
“Fine,” Hayden says quickly.
“Great,” Max adds.
“Perfect,” Tomáš mutters.
The players start suiting up in silence. Then Hayden glances at Max. Max glances at Tomáš. Tomáš glances at Benoit. Benoit glances at Brady.
Shane watches this silent communication with growing confusion.
Finally, Hayden speaks. “Did any of the girls seem … weird this week?”
Max sits up straighter, winces, readjusts. “How weird?”
“Like … trying new things weird?”
“Oh my god,” Tomáš says. “Karolina did.”
“Manon,” Benoit confirms.
“Holly,” Brady adds.
“Satu,” Kalle says quietly.
“Brittani,” Anthony groans.
They all look at each other. Shane can practically see the puzzle pieces clicking together in their heads.
“They talked,” Max says slowly.
“They coordinated,” Hayden adds.
“Someone gave them ideas,” Tomáš says.
Their heads all turn as one to look at Shane.
“What?” Shane asks.
“Lily,” Hayden says.
“Your girlfriend,” Max adds.
“The chaos demon,” Tomáš confirms.
“Who is IN THEIR GROUP CHAT,” Benoit says.
Shane’s stomach drops. “I don’t-”
“They all tried at the same time,” Brady says. “That’s not a coincidence.”
“All tried what?” Shane asks, though he has a horrible suspicion.
Hayden stands up carefully, walks over to Shane, and says very quietly, “Did Lily tell the WAGs about … prostate stuff?”
Shane’s face goes red. “I—that’s—how did you-”
“SHANE,” Max hisses. “Did she tell them to—to try-”
“To put things in our asses,” Tomáš finishes bluntly.
Shane opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again.
“Some of them might have … succeeded,” Benoit says, shifting uncomfortably.
“Successfully,” Brady groans.
The locker room goes silent.
Then, as one, all seven players groan, “LILY.”
Shane puts his head in his hands.
Coach walks back in. “Lily? Who’s Lily?”
“Shane’s girlfriend,” Hayden says.
“Why are you all groaning about Shane’s girlfriend?”
“No reason,” they chorus.
Coach looks around at his team of professional hockey players, all moving like they’re injured, all clearly lying.
“I don’t want to know, do I?”
“No, Coach,” Shane says. “You really don’t.”
After practice, Shane sits in his car and pulls out his phone.
Jane ❤️🍆🥵
Jane
We need to talk
Jane
Actually no
Jane
I need to YELL
Jane
What did you tell them?
Tell who?
Jane
THE WAGS
Jane
ABOUT PROSTATE STIMULATION
Oh that
I may have mentioned is very pleasurable
Jane
MY ENTIRE TEAM IS WALKING WEIRD
Really? 😊
Jane
REALLY
Jane
Hayden can barely sit down
Jane
Tomáš is SHUFFLING
Jane
What did you DO?
I gave educational information
What they do with information is up to them
Jane
They tried to PEG their boyfriends
Jane
ALL OF THEM
Jane
AT THE SAME TIME
Coordination is important in relationships
Jane
ILYA
Yes moya lyubov?
Jane
This is
Jane
I don't even know what this is
Is hilarious?
Jane
It’s CHAOS
I am aware
Was there
Jane
You’re terrible
You love me
Jane
Unfortunately
Jane
The guys all know now
Jane
About us
They know about sex tips. Not about us.
Jane
They know Lily is giving their girlfriends sex advice
Jane
They’re going to figure it out eventually
Let them figure out
Will be funny
Jane
Nothing about this is funny
Disagree
Is very funny
Your teammates learning about prostate? Hilarious
Them walking weird at practice? Comedy gold
You having minor panic attack? Chef’s kiss
Jane
I hate you
No you don’t
You looove me
Even when I cause chaos
Jane
What is wrong with me?
You have excellent taste in boyfriends
Jane
I have terrible taste in boyfriends
Jane
My boyfriend is a MENACE
But very good in bed
Jane
... yes
Jane
But that’s not the point
Is exactly the point
The WAGs, they ask for advice
I give advice
Not my fault if their boyfriends are babies about it
Jane
They’re not babies
Jane
They’re just ... straight
Prostate doesn’t care about straight
Prostate just wants to feel good
Jane
I can’t believe I'm having this conversation
You love this conversation
Jane
I don’t
Jane
I really don’t
Jane
But I love you
Jane
Unfortunately
Most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me
Jane
Shut up
Come to Boston this weekend
I’ll make it up to you
Jane
How?
You know how 😊
Jane
... fine
Jane
But we’re talking about BOUNDARIES
Boring
Jane
And APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR
Also boring
Jane
Ilya
Yes yes, I will behave
*fingers crossed behind back*
Jane
I can’t see you but I KNOW you’re doing something
You know me so well
Jane
Unfortunately
You keep saying unfortunately
But you keep choosing me
Jane
Yeah
Jane
I really do
Jane
Unfortunately
I love you too ❤️
Back in the locker room, the players are having their own group conversation.
“We’re never living this down,” Hayden says.
“Never,” Max agrees.
“Lily wins again,” Tomáš mutters.
“Does she always win?” Benoit asks.
The players look at Shane’s empty locker.
“Yeah,” Brady says. “She really does.”
And somewhere in Boston, Ilya Rozanov laughs, already planning his next act of chaos.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, he’s just getting started.
Chapter End Notes
I’ve added tags for dubious consent and sexual coercion because, well, that’s exactly what the WAGs did to their partners in this chapter. Look, I love these fictional women, but springing unexpected butt stuff on your partner mid-sex without proper discussion? That’s a no-go in real life. I couldn’t picture the average NHL player reacting any other way to what they’d perceive as their heterosexuality and masculinity being questioned (these are professional athletes who’ve been marinating in hockey culture their entire lives). Please learn from Ilya and Shane, who have enthusiastic consent and communication down to an art form. In reality, consent and communication are sexy and important!
Afterword
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