Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories:

F/M, M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander/Jessica | Shane Hollander's Ex-Girlfriend, shane hollander & jessica, Shane Hollander/Original Female Character(s)

Characters:

Jessica | Shane Hollander's Ex-Girlfriend, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Social Media, reddit, Mixed Media, Jealous Ilya Rozanov, Lesbian Jessica, Cunnilingus, Slurs, Dialogue Heavy, Crack Treated Seriously, incredibly awkward on screen sex, the good sex is off screen sry, shane hollander attempts heterosexuality, Unreliable Narrator, look they are characters ok let them say problematic things and give bad advice sometimes, do not assume they have healthy relationships towards sex and sexuality, ABSOLUTELY NO AI HERE TYVM

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-06-09 Words: 5,276 Chapters: 1/1

r/MLHBangRatings

Summary

In which Shane gets a good grade in fucking women, something which is both normal to want and possible to achieve.

—

or: shane attempts heterosexuality. his best friend jessica helps him, and then helps him stop.

Notes

i started writing something else and then the spirit of lesbian jessica overtook me and this came out of my body. oops! unbetaed.

this is a standalone work but takes a lot of inspiration from eleven out of ten by gurlsrool!!

mind the tags, but mostly so you understand the level of crack and cringe you're getting into. also i know canon says shane is bad at eating out but, this is my fic so idc:)

• Inspired by eleven out of ten by gurlsrool

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

Dec 10, 2011
u/montreaaallvr
i can't believe i'm the first submission for shane hollander? but y'all… his MOUTH. i came three times.
eating out: 10/10
fingering: 10/10

u/hock-eye21
isn't he still a rookie?

u/rancidrangersrick
it's his second year. i think he just doesn't pick up as much, he's a pretty reserved guy

u/babyjayla
THREE TIMES?????

u/montreaaallvr
three. times.

October 2008

"The thing is," Shane says, visibly cringing. "I'm not sure if I want to go inside?"

Jessica blinks. "Oh."

"Sorry." He looks at the floor. "Um."

"No, that's fine." Jessica blinks a dozen more times, recalibrating.

"Like, I'll finger you? Maybe just not my…"

"Yeah, no, got it."

"Actually, maybe we could just… not? Tonight?"

Jessica smiles. "Yeah, no worries. Let's watch a movie."

And this is why Jessica loves dating her best friend. Loves that it's Shane here with her. Loves that they can be honest, and they don't have to feel pressured into anything.

Sure, Jessica's the one who suggested having sex. But now that Shane's actually started talking logistics, she's not so sure she wants his dick in her, anyway. She's sucked it before, and well. It's a perfectly good dick, probably. It's just that dicks aren't really that attractive?

When Shane breaks up with her two months later, she doesn't even cry. She's actually pretty happy about it. She gets her best friend back.

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

September 1, 2012
u/aliyahintoronto
Shane Hollander bang report! Oh my god y'all, this was maybe the best sex I've had all year? He ate me out and fingered me for literally hours. I was so dead by the fifth orgasm that I wasn't up for much reciprocation, but he was a total gentleman and didn't push at all, he just got me some water and snacks and left. So respectful. Still recovering.

u/statsstella4
you forgot your rankings!!

u/aliyahintoronto
God, 10/10 across the board?? Can we rank higher?

u/jakelet43
wait, so he didn't get off at all???

u/aliyahintoronto
I think he was jerking off while eating me out? Idk I was pretty out of it but sometimes his hands were busy with me and sometimes they were not?

u/jakelet43
jesus

u/mariasantixx
THIS IS WHAT A REAL MAN DOES!!!! Prioritizing your girl FIRST! Respecting her boundaries! Not pushing anything! Shane Hollander needs to teach the rest of the world

u/hockeyguy6969
a real man would have fucked her

u/mariasantixx
i hope you die

u/ottalove7
did you not read this? she came FIVE TIMES dude pretty sure the fucking was thorough even if his dick wasn't inside

December 2010

"Seriously, Shane, spit it out," Jessica demands, rolling her eyes.

Shane tries and fails to make eye contact. It's Jessica. It's his best friend. He can ask her. She's not going to judge him. Maybe just laugh at him a little, but it'll be okay.

"Willyouteachmetoeatout?" he blurts. Immediately, he puts his head between his knees. God, this is so stupid.

Thankfully, Jessica is used to him by now, and has no trouble understanding either his word vomit or his immediate panic.

"Deep breath, Shane," she murmurs. "You're okay. It's okay."

He's fine to talk after a few minutes, pulling his head back up to human position. He still doesn't make eye contact, but he can at least look at her now.

"It's just," he starts, then freezes. "Fuck."

Jessica gives a teasing half smile. "You're allowed to ask your lesbian ex-girlfriend for tips on eating out, Shane."

Shane huffs a laugh. "Yeah?" God, he loves her.

"Yeah." She's grinning now. "Straight women deserve orgasms, Shane."

Shane was going to just ask questions, but Jessica thinks it'd be more helpful to have him try hands-on. They end up in Jessica's bed, her shirt still on and her hips propped up on a pillow. Shane's fully clothed, head between her thighs.

"First lesson is finding the clit," Jessica says. "Okay, you can move your tongue around to get a feel for where you are."

Shane feels ridiculous. And Jessica feels so weird against his tongue, so wet and soft, absolutely nothing like Rozanov. Which is the point, he reminds himself.

"Yes, okay, that's my vagina," Jessica continues, sounding amused. "Now move your tongue up, but stay centered — yes, stop there — do you feel that, at the top? Like a little nub, or something?" Shane hums his assent. "Good job, you found the clit."

Shane pulls off and wipes his face with the back of his hand. "Seriously? That's not hard to find."

"Yeah, well, tell it to your fellow men," Jessica laughs.

Shane laughs too. "Okay, so, what do I do with it?"

"Every girl is different," she hedges. "But you've got a lot of options. Well, obviously, you need to like, do foreplay first. But when you get there, try starting with a flat tongue, doing big broad strokes. Then alternate focus between the clit and the opening of the vagina."

"Not going in?"

"Not at first?" Jessica bites her lip, considering. "Start slow. You'll want to get her more turned on before you go inside her, probably. When she's super turned on, you should go for it. But do not ignore her clit, Shane."

Shane lifts a hand up in a salute. "I promise I will not ignore the clit."

"Okay so, back to the clit." Shane moves his face back between her legs. "Lots of things you can try. Here — start with your tongue just above the clit, then flick your tongue downwards. Yes, like that. Okay, now do circles, where you're going around the clit but not quite hitting it. Fuck. Yeah. Like that. Do you want to try fingering?"

Shane pulls off again, making sure to meet her eyes. "Is that what you want?" He's not sure he wants to be inside her, really. But he should know how to finger. If Jessica is willing to teach him.

"Yes, it's part of your education," she smirks. "But also, you're doing a good job, for a straight guy. You're a good listener."

Shane can't help but think of Rozanov again, telling him what to do, praising him for listening. He shoves his brain away. "Do we need lube?" Rozanov always gets his fingers so wet, before going inside Shane.

"Um, maybe depends on the girl and the situation? We're probably good without, right now."

"Okay," Shane agrees, instead putting his fingers in his own mouth and slicking them up with his spit. Jessica's eyes widen. "Oh. Still okay? I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with. This has already been so helpful."

"Yeah, Shane, it's still okay, thanks," she breathes.

Shane learns where the g-spot is, how to suck on a clit, how to tongue, how to finger, how to use only his hand to get her off. Jessica talks him through a dozen different techniques with his mouth, and another dozen with his fingers. He learns what it feels like when a girl comes. He doesn't want to fuck her, and she doesn't want him to either, but they play with her dildo and her vibrator and he really learns a lot. It's an incredibly educational night.

"So, I don't think I want to do this again," Jessica says once they've cleaned up. "No offense."

"Oh, no offense taken," Shane smiles. "I know you're a lesbian. Seriously, thank you so much for this. You're the best, dude."

Jessica grins. "I'm really happy to help. And for what it's worth — you're hot, Shane. And you're a dedicated learner. Any girl would be lucky to have you."

Shane's stomach tightens at the thought of doing this with a real girl. Fuck. He's going to have to date a woman someday, and regularly have sex with her. But.

It'll be good for her, whoever she is. Shane will make sure.

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

November 2, 2013
u/NessyTaylor2
shane hollander 💥 report! i was at the metros halloween party last weekend and he ate me out in one of the guest bedrooms 🫣 he seemed a little distracted tbh but probably was weird for him to fuck in his teammate's house? idk! mouth game 9/10

u/statsstella4
no other rankings??

u/NessyTaylor2
it was a pretty quick encounter! he got me off embarrassingly fast (but can you blame me? have you seen the guy? imagine that gorgeous face going down on you 😭). after i came i asked him to fuck me but he kept looking at the door i think he was worried about his teammates hearing, so we didn't end up fucking

u/uuundertheice
jesus this guy is nervous about hooking up in his teammates house only for you to air it out on the internet? yikes

u/ttbasilleaf
what'd he lose a point for?

u/NessyTaylor2
hahaha i guess he was just distracted? like it was really good but he wasn't totally focused on me yk

April 2013

The club is way too fucking loud.

Shane wanted to leave two hours ago, but he's still here, because he said he would be. The Metros just got kicked out of the playoffs, and he wants to go the fuck to sleep.

"Are you Shane Hollander?" a bright voice asks him. He turns to find a short blonde woman looking up at him expectantly.

JJ wraps a heavy arm around Shane's shoulders. "He sure is," JJ grins. "Our captain."

"I'm Jen," the woman tells him, almost shouting to be heard over the music. She's looking at him like she wants to eat him. Shane pictures Rozanov's face making that expression for a brief moment before he's able to redirect his brain.

Shane plasters a smile on. "Nice to meet you."

"You have any plans later?" Jen winks.

Shane is not in the mood, but at least at Jen's place it won't feel like his eardrums are bursting out of his skull.

He takes her home.

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

March 2014
u/5789dodgersgirl
I've got a Shane Hollander bang rating for y'all!! Wooof okay so…. when we got back to my place, he gave the HOTTEST little awkward smile and asked if I had any toys 🫣🥵 um so… jesus christ
oral 10/10, fingering 10/10, dildo railing 10/10

u/friedafish
fuck that's hot

u/marymeyers231
godddddd why is it never ME

u/hockeyguy6969
he couldn't rail you with his goddamn penis? im seriously starting to think this guy is a homo or something

u/oooverthisshit
maybe it's just really small and that's why he never uses it

u/5789dodgersgirl
Yeah no. His dick is…substantial

u/hockeyguy6969
okay so why the fuck doesnt he use it? hes gotta be a fag

u/5789dodgersgirl
Reporting. Also? For the record? A hot ripped man fucking me with my dildo is way kinkier than just putting his dick in. Just bc you're lame and vanilla doesn't mean Hollander is

u/lindsey-bee
how did he get off??

u/5789dodgersgirl
He jacked off afterwards. Watching him take care of himself was yet another treat 🥵🥵

May 2014

Ilya wishes he'd never read that damn Hockey Gossip Weekly column.

After the seventh reread, he cuts his losses and looks up r/MLHBangRatings.

Ilya knows, has always known, realistically, that Hollander is hooking up with women. They aren't exclusive. Ilya doesn't want to be exclusive. Hollander can do whatever the fuck he wants.

But it doesn't take away the burning feeling in his chest, the urge to rip his phone in half with his hands, to go to fucking Reddit headquarters and demand they shut down the fucking subreddit.

Ilya loves fucking women, and he always gets his partner off. It's a point of pride. Always. His ratings in the subreddit confirm this. And yet, he doesn't feel any sort of satisfaction reading his own reviews. He just feels sick to his stomach as he reads, and then rereads, and then rerereads the limited Hollander submissions.

Does Hollander actually like fucking women? Ilya doesn't think so. But Hollander seems determined to try.

Ilya's been focusing so fucking hard this season. He hasn't talked to Hollander since the Olympics, and he's not going to reach out again just because of a stupid fucking article.

He relaxes his grip on his phone, closes out of his tabs. We're going out tonight, he texts.

It's a really, really bad idea in the middle of a series. But Marleau, as always, is in.

Hollander and Rozanov — A Rivalry on the Ice, and in the Sheets?

Hockey Gossip Weekly
May 2014
Column by Lara Pierce

It's no secret that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are competitive on the ice. More shots on goal when they play each other. More points. More fire.

But what's less well known is their rivalry off the ice — specifically, their rivalry on the subreddit r/MLHBangRatings.

r/MLHBangRatings has been around since 2008. While moderators don't guarantee the authenticity of the posts, there is at least some level of verification. Posters are encouraged to share their sexual encounters with MLH players, and include ratings for each sex act.

Ilya Rozanov, quite famously, is a womanizer. Any given weekend will birth a slew of photos with Rozanov taking women home from bars and clubs. It's not surprising, then, to see his record on r/MLHBangRatings — there are over 100 ratings of Rozanov in the subreddit, and the reviews are glowing.

"hottest sex i've ever had"

"this man made me feel like a god"

Shane Hollander is not known for picking up women. His meticulously crafted media responses and calm demeanor might lead some to believe Hollander doesn't put himself out there. Hollander has only a dozen ratings in the r/MLHBangRatings subreddit, but each one tells of competence and skill.

"i've never been eaten out so thoroughly."

"i lost count of how many orgasms he gave me"

Rozanov's ratings focus on penetrative sex; Hollander's on oral sex. Both of their overall ratings are locked in a tie at 9.8/10. However, while ratings have slowed down for Rozanov over the past few months, Hollander's are getting more and more frequent. Is Rozanov picking up less as he focuses on his cup run? Conversely, would Hollander have made it further in the playoffs if he were picking up a little less?

Ladies, make sure to leave a comment. Who would you rather take you home?

Jenna R.: they might be tied in the reddit rankings but rozanov's winning the scoring race! #teamroz

John J.: whoever wrote this does noooot watch hockey lmaooooo

Elizabeth B.: Rozanov for sureee.

Alex G.: this is so fucking weird and gross why are you posting about this

Alice T.: def hollander. a man who's not afraid to go down and keep going?

Joseph L.: I've been lurking in that subreddit for years and every Hollander post is… odd. Oral this oral that but why does this man never fuck the women? Is he even into the sex?

Desiree G.: fucking is not just a penis in a vagina dude its 2014

Tiffany E.: god i fucking hate gossip rags what is this bs

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

June 12, 2015
u/angieinmtl
STANLEY CUP WINNER SHANE MF HOLLANDER BANG REPORT!!!! I got lucky enough to run into Shane Hollander at a club after the cup win. We were both pretty wasted celebrating the METROS WIN LFGGGGG but he fingerbanged me in the bathroom!!!!! 10/10!!!!!

u/friedafish
girl he WHAT?

u/jurassicjulie
No fucking way he did that

u/OliviaErin2
mods haven't found this one yet????? lol

u/metrosssssssss35
Yeah Shane Hollander had sex in a club bathroom… uh huh

September 2015

"Seriously, dude, my girl won't shut up about it," Drapeau complains. "She's like, Shane Hollander would eat me out."

Shane can't help the cringe that takes over his face. The Metros locker room has been a living hell since that dumb gossip piece came out about that sex rating reddit. "Dude, just eat your girl out," he repeats. "It's not that hard."

"But isn't that like, super gay?" Comeau cuts in.

Shane's jaw drops. "Sorry, you're saying it's gay to make a girl orgasm?" Part of him wants to panic, but the rational side of his brain is winning. It's not gay to eat out. He knows this for sure.

JJ laughs behind him. "It's gay to be so scared of pussy you can't eat out a woman," he crows at Comeau and Drapeau. "I feel bad for your girlfriends."

"No, my girl comes just from my dick, she doesn't need that shit," Comeau retorts.

Shane looks at Hayden, whose eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling. "She's probably faking, bro," Hayden says, exasperated. "Most girls need clit stuff to orgasm."

"Yeah, dude," Shane adds. "Do not forget about the clit."

"How about this," Drapeau pitches. "Hollander, you come over and eat her out. Then I'll come in and finish off the job."

"Um, no thanks?"

Drapeau just cackles, slapping Shane on the shoulder before heading into the showers. Comeau, JJ, and Hayden leave shortly after.

So quiet Shane almost doesn't hear, Taylor's voice peeps up from the back of the locker room. "What if she doesn't like it?"

Shane turns, taking in Taylor's pinched expression. "What do you mean?"

Taylor studies his skates. "Like, what if she doesn't like how I eat her out?"

"Have you- have you never done it before?" Shane wills his voice to come out even. Taylor's young, but— well, Shane just thought he was a ladies' man.

"No," Taylor mumbles.

Shane gives his best encouraging smile. "Don't worry too much," he offers. "Start slow, and make sure to check in a lot. You can always ask her how she likes it."

"And what if… What if I don't like it?"

"Um." This one Shane's not sure how to answer. Is he supposed to enjoy eating out? "You're not doing it because you like it, you're doing it to make her feel good."

"Oh, okay." Taylor looks a little steadier now. "Thanks, Captain."

Shane's smile is real this time. Taylor's going to make a girl feel good, because of this talk, maybe. Jessica would be proud.

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

July 31, 2015
u/puckbunnylena
Y'all it finally happened… Shane Hollander bang report! Hollander has been my white whale lol. This is my 5th MLH Captain Bang! I'll put down Hollander's ratings, and then rank the 5 captains 👀😜

Hollander's rating: 9.5/10. Fingering was 9/10, oral was 10/10. No p/v penetration, so no rating on that. I won't hold it against him but I was kinda disappointed that he didn't seem interested in that.

The rankings….
Ilya Rozanov, Boston (10/10) — he was clearly loving it, which made me all the more into it. Not to mention his STAMINA yeaaauuffffff if you get the chance…take it. 3 really great orgasms, some of the best I've ever had.

Shane Hollander, Montreal (9.5/10) — really I don't have any complaints. But, hard to compare to Rozanov's passion. Hollander got me off several times, but he just didn't seem quite as excited and into me as Roz did and that makes a difference! (Even if that difference is numerically only half a point, ha.) 3 solid orgasms and 1 more okay one

Bradley James, Seattle (8/10) — overall a good lay, would repeat! Honestly I kinda forgot this one happened so that maybe says a lot, but looking back at my original rating he didn't take himself too seriously and gave me 2 orgasms, so 🤷‍♀️

Trent Pillson, Washington (6/10) — not terrible? His stamina wasn't amazing, but he did make sure I got off. 1 decent orgasm.

Dallas Kent, Toronto (1/10) — y'all saw the original rating but as a reminder this guy couldn't find the clit even if the clit grew arms and dragged him to it. 0 orgasms.

u/GennyWine14
incredibly important data thank you for your service

u/hallietorcel
puck bunnies r so gross

u/gometrosgogo
you're literally on an MLH bang rating subreddit? and you thought there would be no puckbunnies???

u/bosteeezy
roz my goat

u/MaggieMeetsWorld
ew kent is the worst

October 2015

"Shane. We need to talk."

Shane turns away from the movie, startled. Jessica's biting her lip, expression hard to read. "What's going on?"

"Sorry," she winces. "I wanted you to come to me. I think I'm supposed to not tell you. But this is hard to watch."

Shane looks at the movie again, then back to Jessica. "You don't like Star Trek? We can put something else on."

"No, Shane," Jessica whines, slapping his leg. She looks more like herself now. "Shane. Shaney. Shanebug. You're gay. Okay?"

Shane can't help his gasp. "No, I'm not gay," he snaps, heart suddenly pounding. "Why would you think that?"

"Whoa, buddy, slow down." Jessica reaches for the remote, pausing the movie. Chris Pine's face is stuck in a grimace. She moves from her spot on the couch and sits on the floor in front of Shane. "Take a deep breath with me, okay?"

Shane takes the stupid breath. It doesn't help.

"Okay, you remember that I'm gay, right? So you being super defensive like being gay is an awful thing to consider, is kind of rude."

Her voice is teasing, but Shane can't help but cringe. "Sorry."

"So now should we talk about how you take women home and eat them out so you don't have to get hard?"

Shane feels his face heat up. "How do you — I can get hard just fine, thank you." God, fuck that stupid article. Fuck that stupid reddit and the stupid comments. Why is Jessica even reading that shit?

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

Jessica's face is far, far too kind. "It's me, Shane. Your best friend. I'm not going to judge you, or tell anyone. I'm trying to help you."

And, she's right. She's right, she's right. If he's going to talk about this with anyone — not that he wants to talk about this with anyone — it should be Jessica.

He just wishes there were nothing to tell.

"I can get hard sometimes," he mutters weakly. Jessica raises her eyebrows comically, and Shane huffs a tiny laugh.

"Have you ever been with a guy?" she asks, more seriously.

"Yeah," Shane admits after a beat.

"And? Did you get hard? Was it good?"

Shane groans. "Yes. And yes."

"Good," Jessica smiles. "I'm glad. So. Why are you still trying with women, when you know it's not working for you?"

Shane hesitates, rubbing his hands over his face. "I support you. You know I do. But I can't… be gay. And still play hockey."

"Well, you're gay, and you're playing hockey, so."

"I can't- I can't be with him. And I can't be the gay hockey player. I'd be- I just can't." Shane's talked with Jessica before about all the racist bullshit he has to put up with. He doesn't want to tell her how bad the homophobia can get, but she probably has an inkling. He doesn't want to bring up his image, his legacy. His mom's expectations.

But Jessica latches onto the part he didn't mean to say, eyes narrowing. "Be with him? Who's him?"

Shane groans again, putting his head between his knees. "I can't tell you."

"But you're seeing someone?"

"I'm- hooking up with someone." The words come out strained. "It's nothing serious. Just sex."

Jessica grabs Shane's face, pulling his head out from his knees. "But you want it to be serious."

"No, I don't."

"I honestly swear I'm not trying to grill you, Shaney. But I am begging you to be honest with yourself, if you refuse to be honest with me." Shane makes the mistake of making eye contact with her, and she's so earnest. "I can tell you're not happy. I can tell you haven't been for a while. I don't know if the gay stuff is all of it, or if it's just this guy, but I just want you to be happy."

Mortifyingly, Shane feels his eyes well up with tears. "We can't- be together like that."

"Like what? Boyfriends?"

"He doesn't want that."

Jessica grabs his hands and squeezes them, forcing Shane to look at her again. "Have you asked him?"

"No," Shane whispers.

"What if you invite him over here, and do something besides just sex, and maybe, if it feels right, you could ask him what he wants."

Shane flinches. "I can't invite him over here."

"That's your problem with the idea?" Jessica gapes. "Where the hell have you been hooking up?"

"I bought… a building. So we could be discreet."

"Shane. Oh my god. Invite him to your fucking apartment, or I will kill you with the fancy set of kitchen knives you got me for Christmas last year."

Shane lets out a wet laugh, then shakes his head. "I can't. It's too risky."

"No, you're doing it," she counters. "Fuck. I know the hockey world is bad for gay men. I'm not trying to say you should come out, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Like, maybe you have to hide. For a long time. You're already hiding, aren't you?"

He nods slowly. "Yeah."

"You're a smart guy, Shane. Take the precautions you need to take, but invite him to your fucking apartment. And talk to him. Maybe he doesn't want to hide. But maybe he wants to be with you too, even if it's hard."

"You don't even know who he is," Shane argues. "It's not safe for him to be with me. And he wouldn't want to, even if he could."

"He deserves to make that choice."

Shane shakes his head. "You don't get it. We can't."

"Fine, Shane. Fine." Jessica throws up her hands. "Invite him over, don't. Talk to him, don't. Whatever. Ruin your own love life. Okay. But please, please, will you stop sleeping with women?"

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

December 29, 2015
u/thirteencakes (MOD)
Hey y'all! Spreadsheet lovers rejoice: our annual data drop is here. Players with only one rating will not be included in the averages breakdown, FYI. And — this should go without saying, but we somehow have to remind you every year — not every sexual encounter these guys have had is on here, LOL.

• Most ratings in 2015: Connor Natterson with 46 (dethroning Rozanov's typical annual lead!)
• Highest average rating in 2015: Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov (tied, AGAIN. both at 9.8)
• Lowest average rating in 2015: Dallas Kent (2.4)

Click here to dig through the full data drop!

u/statsstella4
women who love hockey players 🤝 women who love data

u/admir-uhlz
DATA DROP DECEMBER!!!!!!

u/KellyJ1990
i feel like anyone with less than 3 ratings should be excluded yk isn't 2 ratings just as much of a skew?

u/jayscatz
this is mlh bang ratings my dude not your stats class

u/reagandump
and if it were your stats class, you'd be failing

u/canadalltheway
WOWWW cannot believe hollander and rozanov are still tied up lmao

January 2016

Jessica knows Shane probably does not want company after that shit game against Boston, but she can't find her iPad, and she's almost positive she left it at Shane's. And she's got a design due tomorrow, which she maybe forgot about, but isn't going to submit late, because her iPad is going to be at Shane's and she can finish it tonight and it'll be fine.

Just as she's reaching to buzz Shane's apartment, the building's front door swings wide open.

"Oh, perfect, do you mind if I— Ilya Rozanov?"

Rozanov freezes, then takes her in. Her clothes are rumpled, her face is red, she's probably a little sweaty. Great first impression to your best friend's rival. Rozanov himself looks put together, albeit a bit of a fuckboy, freshly showered and wearing a matching tracksuit. And why the fuck is Ilya Rozanov at Shane's building?

"...Jessica?" he asks slowly, tilting his head.

Jessica's jaw drops. "You know my name?"

"You are Shane's best friend," he assents. "I have seen pictures. Also, he talks about you."

"You were- visiting Shane?" Pieces are clicking together. Oh, god. Fuck. Of fucking course it's Rozanov. Shane would fuck the essense of hockey if he could, and this is maybe as close as he can get.

Rozanov gives a small smile, and it's nothing Jessica's ever seen in his interviews. This one looks kind, and soft, and fond. "Thank you for telling him to invite me over," he says. "I think he will have us meet, next time I am in Montreal."

Jessica's jaw drops. "You don't mean-"

Rozanov winks, and there's that face from the TV. "See you soon, Jessica," he calls as he walks away.

r/MLHBangRatings
Submit your sexual encounter with an MLH player here! Mods will vet submissions with dates/locations/additional details. This is just for fun, but if you want to contribute to the spreadsheet, be sure to include the positions/activities you engaged in and a 1-10 ranking for each!

July 10, 2016
u/hollandurz24
Am I crazy, or have there been no ratings from either Hollander or Rozanov yet this year? I just took a look at the spreadsheet too and no 2016 data yet. Do they have girlfriends? Anyone know what's going on?

u/lockandhockit (MOD)
You're not crazy! No posts from either of them yet this year. I am going to remove this from the subreddit since our post guidelines are ratings only — but you should check out r/MLHGossip and see if you can find anything out there!

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