Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Troy Barrett

Additional Tags:

Original Character(s), POV Outsider, Social Media, Texting Fic, Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), POV Multiple, No Smut, Humor, Jealous Ilya Rozanov, Possessive Ilya Rozanov, Crack, Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander Has A Plan, No AI (ew), Crack Treated Seriously, everybody wants Shane hollander, I will ride for that tag until it's real

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-06-02 Words: 5,158 Chapters: 1/1

Ilya Rozanov vs The Unintended Consequences of Woke Hockey

Summary

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
It's actually with even more gay
...
You're a goddamn genius.

----

The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

Notes

*Screams into the void* This is my first Hollanov fic!

Anyways enjoy this ridiculously self-indulgent one-shot. Working on a longer WIP at the moment and needed a break so I wrote this silly thing. Jealous Ilya plus Everybody wants Shane dynamic just tickles me. May it tickle you.

This is not beta read. We die like Crowell (He's not dead I just wish he was)

Also obligatory disclaimer I know nothing about ice hockey. I just wanted to state that clearly for the court.

Update 03/06 - Came back to this fic having over 1000 kudos???? Um??? Thank you??? I’m so humbled, I really didn’t think people would care that much about a heavily OC oriented fic, but thank you so much!!

Eastside Brethren

Lyle has added Manon to ‘Eastside Brethren’

Lyle
Guys this is Manon, he plays for Boston
He is one of us now

Manon
Thanks for letting me into the super secret society bro

Forester(Admirals🔛🔝)
A Bear in chat. Huge.

Collins🤘
Wassuppp grizzly

Tremblay🍁
Welcome to fight club man

Collins🤘
Wait who we fightin

Ivanov
your mom

Lyle
We’re getting distracted
Basically Manon as I was explaining earlier, me and Collins were talking after a game a few months ago and thought it would be cool to have a groupchat with some of the rookies from eastern conference
Even though we’re all competing against each other, it could be nice to not have the same animosity off ice and be able to chill and hang after events and stuff

Manon
Yeah dope

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝) 
And we can bond over how fucked it is to be the first generation of rookies to face Hollander and Rozanov ON THE SAME TEAM

Tremblay🍁
🥲🥲

Manon
Yeah…
I’m playing them tomorrow
I’m so cooked chat

Collins🤘
See you on the other side brother
And by other side I mean Heaven because yeah you are indeed char-grilled bro

Tremblay🍁
Their run this season has been insane so far

Lyle
We’ve been trying to come up with strategies to fight back
Which I know you’re not technically supposed to share strategies with rival teams
But come on
This is one of those moments where we all need to band together for the sake of survival

Ivanov
like noah’s ark

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Noah’s ark if it was just a bunch of coughing babies vs the Hollanov hydrogen bomb

Lyle
We’ve been trying to brainstorm chirps to get under their skin
Cuz the only way we stand a chance is if we throw them off their game

Tremblay🍁
But they are unchirpable
I mean not even homophobic ones bother them
Especially not the homophobic ones actually
Rozanov just finds them hilarious
And Hollander doesn’t react at all

Manon
Wait you have been chirping them homophobically?
Cap really hammered into us at the start of the season that if he hears anyone saying shit like that they’re gettin benched

Tremblay🍁
No no not me
But the rest of my team….yeah
Except for Pike and Boiziau obvs

Manon:
Bro I forgot you were Montreal

Tremblay🍁
Unfortunately I have to wake up and remember everyday

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Signs up to play on a team with The Shane Hollander as captain and instead gets…
*checks notes*
Gilbert Comeau.

Ivanov
Bro who tf

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Right

Tremblay🍁
I look upon Shane Hollander's Montreal years like those dead wife videos that play at the start of a sad movie
Except she’s not dead she just dumped my toxic ass and is having the time of her life with her new man
And I can’t even be mad because she genuinely looks like she’s doing a lot better like bro is glowing
So I just sit here rocking back and forth in the communal showers
I’m sorry I needed to rant

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Let it out man. Safe space❤️

Manon
Lowkey Hollander was always unchirpable.
If we have a chance at successfully chirping either one of them it would be Rozanov

Collins🤘
We’ve been trying the classic old man chirps
But they don’t really bother him
Which is just about all we’ve got cuz like you said it’s really not cool to fuck with him for being biracial
Unless you’re Montreal apparently

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
I think you mean bisexual Collins

Ivanov
well he is technically both

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
???????
No he’s not????

Ivanov
what he speaks two languages

Tremblay🍁
My guy you mean BILINGUAL?

Ivanov
fuck off you assholes english isn’t my first language

Tremblay🍁
Exactly you dumbass that makes you bilingual too

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
He just had his bilingual awakening

Collins🤘
Wait I’m confused
Did Ivanov just come out

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Yeah as stupid

Ivanov
collins literally got it wrong first and barely speaks the one language he was born with 

Lyle
SO WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS
Manon
Do something crazy tomorrow.
The most out of pocket chirp you can think of
We quite literally have nothing to lose

Manon
I have teeth in my mouth that I would like to keep actually
But I accept my challenge

———

Boston vs Ottawa

Manon was both excited and terrified for his first game against the Centaurs.

On the one hand, he was playing hockey against Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander and the thought alone was like a shot of adrenaline straight into his bloodstream. These guys were living legends. The hockey players of their generation, and every hockey kid's heroes. Hollander and Rozanov were practically background characters in every other memory from his childhood. Late nights with his brother on Xbox playing NHL ‘15 as Boston and Montreal. Spending hours watching youtube compilations of Hollander’s best goals when he should have been doing algebra homework. Perfecting his “Rozanov” backhand shot at the local rink before practice.

It was sort of the dream come true to share the ice with them. It was any rookie's dream.

But on the other hand;

He was playing hockey against fucking Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander.

“Is the little cub coming out to play today?”, Rozanov teased as he skated by their bench, “Or are you still a little wobbly on your skates, da?”

He was gone before Manon could reply, which was fine. He was a little starstruck watching the number eighty one jersey sail right by him, he wasn’t sure he could have come up with a convincing reply. Next to him, Marleau shook his head, but there was a certain undeniable fondness to it. Old friends die hard, Manon supposed. 

Marleau leaned into him. “Don’t let that asshole get to you. Just keep your head down, keep it in the game and stick to the strategy plans yeah?”

Manon gave a curt nod. Stick to the plans. If only Marleau knew exactly what he had planned. 

He just needed to have the balls to go through with it.

At the next shift, Coach LeClaire pointed to him. “Okay, you're up kid.”

As Manon hopped the boards, his heart surged up his throat and he gulped it back down. Rozanov was already drifting towards the centre ice, preparing for the face-off. 

Here goes nothing 

Manon sucked in a deep cold breathe. 

Please don’t punch my teeth out

———

A delightful thrill zipped through Ilya as the Bear’s new rookie (Manor? Manon?) skated in to meet him. Ilya could tell he was spooked already. Even under all that gear, Ilya caught the sharp rise and fall of his shoulders as he psyched himself up for the face-off. 

It made Ilya even more giddy than he usually was when he got to play against Boston. He got a sick rush off of preying on rookies' nerves. When he'd dragged Shane to Universal Studios a few months ago when they played in Tampa, Ilya realised that in another life, he was definitely the guy controlling the dinosaur spinning ride, turning up the speed the more the people screamed. 

The kid leaned down in front of him, adjusting and readjusting his grip on his stick. 

"Strap in, baby bear," Ilya said, glancing up through his visor as he bent down. 

Now in face off position, Manor/Manon, to Ilya’s surprise, spoke up. 

“Rozanov, could you pass a message onto Hollander for me? I'm sort of a huge fan, but I’m kinda nervous to talk to him.”

Ilya almost laughed. The thought of anyone being nervous to talk to Shane - his polite, awkward, Canadian Shane who spent an hour last night neatly refolding all of their towels - was hilarious to him.

“Sure cub.” Ilya flashed an amused smile. “What is very embarrassing message for Hollander.”

“One-Four-Three-Four.” 

Ilya’s stomach dropped. “The fuck is that?”

The rookie smirked, his anxious facade wiped away. 

“My hotel room number.”

A choked noise got caught in Ilya's throat 

The puck dropped 

Ilya lost the face off. 

———

Tremblay🍁 
MANON????
ROZANOV’S FACE

Collins🤘
TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW 

Lyle
MANON‼️⁉️‼️

Ivanov
oh my jesus
that was a slavic death stare
it was like the eyes of my mother

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
*a single tear falling from eye*
My goat, he did it. 
He broke Ilya Rozanov.

Lyle  
MANON
THE GAME HAS BEEN OVER FOR TWENTY MINUTES
WHERE ARE YOU I’M ABOUT TO GET IN MY CAR AND FIND YOU

Collins🤘
Manon
Manon
Manon

Lyle
GET YOUR ASS INTO THIS GROUPCHAT

Manon
I hath returned

Lyle
SPEAK

Manon
I am no longer this mortal Manon that you speak of
I am your god now
And I will share my scripture with all those who have ears to listen

Lyle
I’M A BELIEVER
I SEE THE LIGHT
GIVE US THE DAMN SCRIPTURE

Manon
Gather around children
I will tell you the story
But first you’re all gonna need to get real comfortable about some things really quickly
Mainly going gay for Shane Hollander

Lyle
Done.

Ivanov
Done.

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Done.

Tremblay🍁
Oh I’ve BEEN comfortable with that

Collins🤘
Wow brothas just another me fr

Manon
So basically last night I was trying to come up with stuff to say
And I just thought about what really riles me up, not thinking too much about Rozanov specifically
Like what gets ME pissed
And then I remembered the last time we were at the clurb and some guy would not stop hitting on my girlfriend
Even when I was right there

Lyle
Is this going where I think it’s going...

Manon
So Rozanov is teasing me for being a rookie, calling me bear cub and stuff
So then I said “can you pass on this message to Hollander for me, I’m a big fan of his." 
And then I said 1434
And he asked what's that 
And I said    
My hotel room number 

Tremblay🍁
HELLO???

Collins🤘
BRO

Tremblay🍁
YOU ASKED HIM TO PASS ON YOUR ROOM NUMBER
To his own husband
😧

Lyle
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO

Collins🤘
YES YOU ARE MY GOD
I BOW DOWN

Tremblay🍁
I am straight up speechless

Manon
Whatever his face looked like on TV  
I promise boys
It was better in person.

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Rozanov: “Aw look at you, such a cute little bwaby bwear.”
Manon: “I’m going to fuck your husband in my hotel room tonight.”

Lyle
Forester bro i’m in tears
I’m cring si bad

Collins🤘
Rozanov showed up for a knife fight and Manon pulled up with a tactical drone strike, ten thousand soldiers on horseback and an AK47

Lyle
I genuinyl cannot breathe

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
It’s actually with even more gay
...
You're a goddamn genius Manon

Collins🤘
BISEXUAL RUSSIAN TERMINATOR

Tremblay🍁
Hold on…
Did you give him your real hotel room number...

Manon
Yeah why

Lyle
AND YOU’RE STILL WITH US???

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
The ticking under your bed is NOT A CLOCK

Manon
Oh my god
I didn’t even think of this

Ivanov
rozanov is standing outside the hilton right now calling an ambulance
but not for him

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
He wouldn’t call an ambulance he doesn’t want any witnesses

Manon
I’m literally that picture of Cassie from Euphoria right now hiding in the bathtub

Collins 🤘
Bisexual Russian Terminator is in your walls by now bro
I don't think the bathtub will save you

Lyle  

💀💀💀💀

Manon
If I don’t make it to the morning, remember me fondly and go forth with what I have taught you
Chirp Ilya Rozanov by making moves on Shane Hollander
Proceed at your own risk

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Godspeed.

———

Montreal vs Ottawa

Tremblay watched as Hollander skated towards the right winger position, a change from his usual position as centre. It was a move that the Centaurs had been doing more and more lately, shifting their lines every so often, specifically Hollander and Haas, to make themselves even harder to predict. And it was working frustratingly well. Turned out that Shane Hollander was a hockey god no matter what team or position he played in. 

Which wasn’t unexpected. He was Shane Hollander.

God, fuck Montreal so hard. It was actually pretty soul crushing to remember how he used to fantasize about being drafted to the Voyaguers. Now he just fantasized about getting a trade to Ottawa as a way to cope with being stuck in Montreal. 

Although he was probably going to set any chance of going to Ottawa on fire right now with what he was about to say.

Maybe if Rozanov ever retired. (And that was a big if. Something about Rozanov made him seem immortal.)

When Tremblay bent down for the face-off, Rozanov was already staring into him like he wanted to stick his hand into his stomach and rip out his intestines. He had seen him watching Shane, evidently, and was already ticked off.

Perfect.

“I see Hollander is trying out some new positions," Tremblay remarked.

“Da," Ilya agreed, “Hollander is very talented. Can skate circles around your team no matter what position he plays.”

Tremblay flitted his gaze over to Hollander, then gave a small hum. 

“Oh I know.”

He locked eyes with Rozanov. 

"I’m just imagining all the fun positions I’d rather be putting him in.”

———

Lyle
WHAT WAS THAT

Manon
TREMBLAY

Collins🤘
TREMBY MY GOOD CANADIAN BOY ARE YOU OKAY 

Lyle
ROZANOV JUST TRIED TO PLAY GOLF WITH YOUR SHINS BRO

Collins🤘
Play GOLF???
HE WAS TRYING TO CUT MY GUY OFF AT THE KNEES

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Slashing at puck drop is a D1 crashout 

Collins🤘
Just playing in the refs face man💀💀

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
“What? I was going for the puck” mf you were NOT

Ivanov
did you guys see hollander scolding him when he was sat in the penalty box

Manon
Yeah lmfao  

Ivanov
maybe they are both like my mama

Lyle
Okay the game is over I’m sorry you guys lost (not really Gilbert can choke) but OPEN THIS DAMN APP AND TELL US WHAT YOU SAID

Tremblay🍁
Oh nothing much.
Just commented on putting Hollander in some fun new positions

Forester(Admirals🔛🔝)
Tremblay
You sly dog

Lyle
💀💀💀💀

Manon
I am proud of you, young padawan
The chirp is strong in this one

Collins🤘
OKAY ARIANA
Switching the positions for you

Lyle
I didn’t know you were an Arianator Collins

Tremblay🍁
Hey let straight men enjoy Ariana Grande

Ivanov
yeah bro, there’s nothing gay about ariana grande
she’s got bangers
lady gaga though i’m questioning a little bit

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
My brothers in Christ
We have a groupchat that is now dedicated to how many different ways we can say we wanna freak it with Shane Hollander
I think we are past Lady Gaga

———

Detroit vs Ottawa

Ilya was watching carefully from a distance as the referees tried to break up a shouting match between Bood and one of the Detroit defenders. It hadn’t turned physical yet so he was holding himself back from intervening, ignoring the way his whole body was vibrating. Shane was still mad at him over the incident that happened in Montreal but even before that, Shane hated when he got into fights that he didn’t need to. Especially in a game as close as this one was, where even a two minute penalty could be the difference between a win or a loss.  

In the corner of his eye, a figure dressed in red was beelining towards him and he already knew who it was. Fucking Collins. The very object of his pent up frustration. Detroit’s rookie had been trailing Ilya like a fucking private detective all game, trying to check him into the board anytime he could. 

“What do you want?” Ilya grumbled as Collins halted beside him, “I do not have any of your mama’s breast milk.”

Collins’ face broke out into a wide, toothed grin. His teeth were perfect, especially for a hockey players. Straight and symmetrical.

Ilya wanted to punch him so bad.

Collins' nodded his head towards the Centaurs bench down the other end of the rink.

“Wow. Hollander looks very nice tonight.”

Ilya’s eye twitched. 

“Because you have such great view of him from all the way over here, yes?” Ilya replied as calmly as he could. 

“Any view of Hollander is a great view.”

Ilya took a slow, steadying breath in through his nose and let it settle into his body. Shane had taught him how to do this. A yoga trick. As you inhale, become aware of any tension being held in your temple, and gently let it go. 

Collins’ smile somehow split even wider. “But a better one will be when he’s moaning under me later.”

Well.

Sorry Shane. 

———

Lyle
YOU SAID WHAT
MOANING UNDER YOU

Manon
AYO???

Tremblay🍁
YOU DIDNT 

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Collins no wonder he rocked your shit💀💀💀💀💀

Collins🤘
And I’d say it again 

Manon
You absolutely deserved to get punched for that lmfao
But Rozanov was ejected for the whole game
So your face was not a sacrifice in vain bro

Lyle
I’m ngl guys this one has made me tingle a bit
#whatdatmean.

Tremblay🍁
Tingle??? Bro I'm bricked up

Collins🤘
You're bricked up over Rozanov punching me?? 

Tremblay🍁
No bro over the mental image of Hollander all moany underneath you
But Rozanov punching you to defend his man is kinda hot too, being straight up
Like baddie didn’t marry no bum ass

Manon
I'm not sure you can call any part of that “straight" Trembly

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Tremblay is currently streaming Born This Way

Tremblay🍁
I just miss my not dead wife  
I’ll shoot Gilbert at point blank range idc please just come back

Lyle
I'm still wondering how you’re still ALIVE after that chirp Collins…
You’re lucky it was just a punch and not the grim reaper coming to take your ass home

Ivanov
serious though there was a lot of blood are you okay?

Collins🤘
Rozanov got a game suspension
We won
I still have all my teeth
Worth it
I’m logging off now boys not supposed to have my phone cuz possible concussion lolllll

———

New York vs Ottawa.

“Hey Holly, you doing much this evening after the game?”

Rozanov, who was currently doing quad stretches with Hollander on the ice, paused his warm-up and snapped his eyes up to Forester.

God, Ivanov was right about that slavic stare. Forester almost shivered. 

“Yes, he is doing me," Rozanov spat, “So fuck off.”

Hollander, ever the level-headed one, gave no reaction to either Forester or Rozanov. He just very calmly put one leg out in front of him and focused on his stretch.

Forester scoffed. “Wow, how romantic.” He leaned on the top of his stick, propping his chin on top of his gloves. “You always speak for him Rozanov, or only when you feel threatened?”

Rozanov cackled at that and pushed himself up onto one knee. “Threatened? I am from Russia, you think this is funny game? You think I will not have you murdered by Russian mobsters in your own city that you play for?”

“Ilya, drop it with the Russian mafia stuff,” Hollander sighed, “You’re perpetuating your own stereotypes.” Hollander directed his attention to Forester, all the while continuing his stretch routine. “He doesn’t have connections to Russian mobsters, for the record, Forester,” he added in typical, matter-of-fact Hollander fashion.

Forester was certain that Hollander was only chiming in to clarify for legal reasons, but still, he couldn’t help but grin at the recognition. Shane Hollander knew his name. 

Forester nodded at Rozanov. “You should listen to your beautiful husband, he’s very wise.”

Rozanov was about to stand up when Hollander calmly placed a hand on his knee, holding him back from what Forester can only assume was a launch for his jugular.

“What’s going on here?”

The sound of Scott Hunter behind him made Forester straighten up. His captain looked between the three of them like a stern teacher on the schoolyard. 

“Hunter, take your rook away before I kill him,” Rozanov said plainly. Rozanov gestured between the two Admirals. “Child should not die in front of their grandfather. Would be very sad." 

“What’s sad Rozanov is your lack of romanticism," Forester countered, jabbing a giant gloved finger at Rozanov. He looked back to Hollander who was now doing-oh wow, hip stretches. “Holly, if you ever get tired of ‘doing it’ and want to make some real sweet love, just give me a call.”

Rozanov practically growled. 

Hunter snatched him by the arm and yanked him out of reach. “Alright fun’s over.”

As he was dragged back towards the Admirals side of the ice, Forester turned his head over his shoulder, a bright grin still plastered on his face. “I’ll make it so nice for you baby, candles and rose petals. I’ll go all out!”

Hunter dragged him quicker. 

“Kid, did you not see what he did to Collins a few weeks ago?" Hunter muttered, once they were far enough away, "You're seriously playing with fire there.”

Forester wiggled his eyebrows. “More like Russian Roulette. Get it?”

Hunter shook his head, but his eyes betrayed a glimmer of humour. If anyone was going to quietly revel in Rozanov getting ruffled, it was his captain. "Focus on the game, not on Hollander and Rozanov." 

The Admirals won 3-2, and Forester felt like he’d won twice when he overheard Rozanov asking Hollander, “Am I not romantic enough?” as they skated together towards the visiting team's tunnel. 

—-

Manon 
Candles and rose petals💀💀💀

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Only the best for Holly😛

Tremblay🍁
Remember your worth, Wasian Boy

———

Carolina vs Ottawa

Hollander was skating to the Centaurs bench to swap out, having just scored his second goal of the game, when Ivanov cornered Rozanov. The Centaurs captain flinched ever so slightly when he spotted him approaching. Ivanov just about contained a chuckle.

A Russian. Ilya Rozanov. Flinching?

This was a tortured man.

“Hollander is in a good mood tonight da?” he said in Russian, “Did he finally divorce you?”

“I will divorce you from this life if you keep talking, Vovka,”  Rozanov snarled.

“So should I shoot my shot now or should I wait until after the game? I hear he likes Russians.”

“He likes only one Russian. Only the most handsome, most talented one. Not irrelevant draft picks on a bad team” 

“I think I’ll test my luck.”

“You will not test anything. The only thing you are testing is my patience.”

The referee blew the whistle to restart and Rozanov didn’t hesitate in skating away. 

Twenty minutes later and a Hollander hat trick secured the Centaurs the game in the end. Naturally, Ivanov showed his admiration when he came face to face with him during the glove tap. 

“Great game Zaychik,", he praised with a crooked smile and a wink, “I’ll dm you, da?”

Hollander’s subtle blush at the Russian nickname made Ivanov preen more than it probably should have. 

Among a string of Russian curses behind him, he heard “Zaychik! Is he serious!”

Ivanov smiled to himself. He had successfully pissed off his childhood hero. Rozanov should be proud of him. It's exactly what he would have done. 

———

Lyle
Ivanov you do know that play is over?
You don’t have to keep ragebaiting him

Ivanov
in it for the love of the game boys

Collins🤘
Bro I’m fucking dead

Ivanov
and new information unlocked
hollander will blush at russian nickname 

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
He’s Pavlov’d himself 💀

—--

Ilya was lying beside Shane in their bed, staring up at the ceiling like he was trying to burn a hole into the upstairs guest room.

“They are conspiring against me. I know it.”

Shane let out an exasperated sigh and rolled onto his side to face his husband, propping himself up with his elbow. Ilya maintained his barren stare. 

“Ilya," Shane started calmly, “you seriously think that half the rookies in the league have some secret club where they strategize ways to hit on me just to get under your skin? Do you understand how crazy that sounds?”

“I am going crazy. This is driving me fucking crazy.”

Shane sighed again. He had known that some of the rookies' new…methods of chirping had been riling Ilya up during their games, but now that frustration was seeping into their bedroom - their safe space - and he didn’t like that at all.

He glanced over his husband’s beautiful (currently turmoiled) face and reached up to embed his hand in his golden curls. 

He scratched lightly at Ilya’s scalp. “Hey, at least they’re not, you know, being homophobic. Obviously it’s annoying but maybe we can look at this whole situation as a weird positive. Maybe being out and proud is really changing the language of hockey.”

“I preferred the homophobia.”

“Ilya.”

“Bring back just calling me the slurs.”

“Ilya!”

Shane threw his leg over Ilya’s hip. He maneuvered himself on top of him and Ilya’s hands slid down to rest on Shane’s thighs. Tenderly, he took Ilya’s face between his hands and held him in such a way that the only possible place he could look was back into Shane’s eyes. 

“They aren’t actually flirting with me," Shane stated firmly, "They almost definitely aren’t even gay. They’re doing it to get a rise out of you. Which you keep falling for. They don’t actually want me.”

One of Ilya’s hand disappeared from his thigh and came up to gently clasp around Shane’s wrist. Ilya rubbed his thumb in circles around the soft skin there, soothing himself.

“Impossible," he mumbled in Russian, “Who wouldn’t want you?”

"Probably straight adolescents."

Ilya pursed his lips, seemingly unconvinced. "You have the power to turn them. Like sexy gay vampire." 

Shane scoffed and Ilya closed his eyes with a deep exhale. Oh good, he was doing his yoga trick. Shane had taught him that. “Say that I am better than them,” he asked, "Please." 

Shane's brows cinched together. “Ilya what- of course you're better than them. You have like, how many goals already this season-“ 

Ilya groaned like he’d been shot, his abdomen clenching under Shane. “I don’t mean fucking hockey Shane!” 

“Oh.” 

Shane couldn’t hold back his small laugh at how ridiculous this all was. He leaned down and kissed Ilya, softly and full of love.

“You know I’m yours," he whispered against his lips, “Only you. Always.”

Ilya grumbled. “If only they would get that into their tiny heads.”

Shane pulled back. Ilya’s eyes bounced across his face and Shane knew that he was counting his freckles. He did that when he needed to ground himself.

Ilya lifted his hand to Shane’s cheek and cupped it gently. “I wish I could put them all on the dinosaur ride and turn the speed up so much they all turn to soup.” 

“Ilya what-”

“And is harassing for you," he continued, "the way they talk about you. Like you are, I don’t know, game for them just because you don’t react. I don’t like it.”

Ilya huffed and coaxed Shane down to rest of his chest. Shane let himself be guided, settling his cheek against Ilya's warm body and wrapping his arms around his torso. In all honesty, Shane didn’t really care about the chirping. Admittedly, he’d dealt with a lot worse. But Ilya was so bothered by it, that now it was bothering him. The thing was, there wasn't much anyone could do about chirping. If it wasn't outright hate speech there, there wasn't any penalty to enforce. Even when it was hate speech, there was hardly ever consequences. Shane understood that more than anyone maybe.

The rules of chirping were loose and untameable and functioned pretty much on the framework of if you can't beat em', join em. Shane had always beat them by just being better at hockey than anyone else. 

Then a thought sparked in his mind, and Shane Hollander began to do what Hollander’s did best. 

“Okay," Shane said, "I think I have a plan.”

———

Philadelphia vs Ottawa

Lyle pivoted to a halt in front of the Centaurs bench where unusually, both Rozanov and Hollander were sat together, taking a time out simultaneously. The score was currently in Philadelphia’s favour 2-1 after Lyle scored a beautiful goal in second period and he'd been on a high ever since. He'd been waiting all game to try and rattle Rozanov, just to seal the deal, and had found himself in a prime position to do so when he had spotted the pair sat next to each other. 

“Don’t worry sweetheart," Lyle said, and pointed his stick at Hollander. “I'll give you a nice consolation prize after we beat you. Make you feel better.”

“Oh yeah?” Hollander asked, “And what about Rozanov?”

Lyle’s brain stuttered. 

Oh.

This was not how this was supposed to go.

Hollander wasn't supposed to actually answer. 

Lyle glanced over at Rozanov, who remained as cool as a light breeze, fiddling with the tape on his stick and watching some replays on the tablet. 

“H-he can watch”, Lye managed to stammer out, “if he wants."

Nailed it.

He expected maybe an icy glare or a harsh Russian curse to be hissed his way at least. But Rozanov didn’t so much as twitch.

Instead Hollander cocked his brow, chewed on his mouth guard and whistled - “Hot.”

What the hell.

Troy Barrett burst into hyena laughter on the other side of Hollander, and Lyle felt his face flare up with heat. He turned away quickly and skated off, a cold sweat running down his back. He gave his head a shake to get himself to together.

Hollander never reacted to chirps.

After a few shifts, Hollander skated in for a face off. Lyle bent down to meet him, his hands suddenly very clammy underneath his gloves.

For once, Hollander’s gaze was not stuck to the ice. Instead, he was looking straight up at Lyle through his lashes, his eyes sparkling.

“So what are you going to do with me, big boy?” he asked, his voice coy and teasing. 

Lyle gulped.

“Oh I, well-“

“C’mon, don’t go all shy on me now. Trust me, I can take it. I'm really good at that.”

Oh Fuck 

“Uh-“

The whistle blew and Hollander was gone with the puck before Lyle even realised it had been dropped. 

———

Manon
Hard loss man I thought you guys had it until third period
But you played a great game

Collins🤘
Yeah that goal was sickkk
There truly is just nothing you can do about the Hollanov power play it should be illegal

Tremblay🍁
One of us needs to volunteer to die in front of them and change the course of their lives

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
That may be a bit extreme Tremby

Ivanov
when he gets on here I need to know what happened with that one hollander face-off tho

Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
Yeah it was giving 2016 mannequin challenge I won't lie

Lyle
Gang
Hollander pulled an Uno reverse on me