i stopped my rambling

Jane 🇨🇦🥵💦

Mon, 2 Sep 07:45 AM

Jane: My plane should arrive at 2:35. I’ll pay for the wifi and let you know about any delays or updates.

Lily: wow airplane wifi mr big spender

Jane: You said you were going to be my sugar daddy.

Jane: Are you going back on your word already?

Lily: send me the venmo request

Lily: send it right now

Lily: shane i am so serious, leave it public

Lily: and put something fucking nasty in the request too

Jane: Haha

Lily: youre joking but i’m so serious right now

Lily: shane please

Lily: please

Jane: Are you actually horny about this? Ilya, it’s the airport. There is nothing sexy about airports.

Lily: oh, i beg to disagree

Lily: and you know…

Lily: now that we are on same team, we are going to be flying around on private planes like all the time… could be fun…

Jane: A private plane that we only have access to alongside with the rest of our teammates. My NEW teammates. No, Ilya.

Lily: i am hearing logical reasons why not

Lily: but i am not hearing “i dont want to”

Jane: Well…

Jane: It doesn’t matter. We can’t, Ilya. We already talked about PDA.

Lily: i know i know

Lily: you are so boring and responsible

Lily: and i am so fucking lucky to have you or else i would be fired by hr for inappropriate workplace misconduct yadda yadda yadda

Jane: I don’t think you should “yadda yadda yadda” that Ilya.

Lily: maybe i will anyway

Lily: if you keep saying this

Jane: ?

Jane: Saying what?

Lily: my name

Lily: you have texted it a dozen times

Lily: and everytime i read it it is like i hear it in my mind, your voice, whispering “ilya”

Jane: Ilya.

Lily: shane

Jane: I like writing it.

Lily: oh, yes, i can tell

Lily: you are not subtle

Jane: Shut up.

Jane: I mean I like being allowed to call you Ilya, and rename you in my phone, and give you a profile picture - all of that, and knowing that we won’t have to delete any texts I send you with your real name, or vice versa.

Lily: shane…

Lily: ya tebya lyublyu shane

Lily: have you changed my name? very boring yes? “Captain Ilya Rozanov of the Ottawa Centaurs” i guess?

Jane: “Ilya Rozanov ❤️(husband/emergency contact)”

Lily: …

Lily: I love you so much

Lily: Come home

Lily: You should be pilot, i think you would be much faster

Jane: Well i do have some excellent motivation.

Jane: Do you like it? Is it okay? I can keep my mom listed as my primary emergency contact if it’s too much pressure.

Jane: Sorry, i should have asked beforehand.

Lily: no no no, do not change

Lily: i love it

Lily: is everything i ever wanted

Lily: fuck i love it

Lily: wish you were here

Lily: my husband

Lily: i love seeing you call me ilya, knowing i can open up chat and see it whenever i want

Jane: Good. I like calling you Ilya, too.

Jane: I mean. I guess I’m also going to miss Lily.

Jane: But Ilya was always my favorite.

Lily: lucky for you, i am both

Lily: luckiest for me, i now have shane AND jane

Lily: in my city, coming home to me

Lily: come home

Jane: Be there soon.

Jane: I love you.

Omg you guys i was just at the ottawa international airport and i saw shane fucking hollander 😭😭😭 I swear to got it was like fate!!! actually it was fucking surreal because the ENTIRE TERMINAL was plastered in City Seltzer ads with his face all over them and he was just awkwardly standing in front of a ten-foot tall poster of himself with goofy ass sunglasses on lmao—super nice though!! He signed my backpack lol!

2:49 PM · Sep 2, 2021

13.3K Retweets    854 Quote Tweets    62.4K Likes

Shane hollander standing in front of a wall plastered with pictures of his own face shows everything that is wrong with him - narcissistic, money hungry, more obsessed with his reflection than his game. Good riddance

2:59 PM · Sep 2, 2021

3.3K Retweets    3.9K Quote Tweets    2.1K Likes

[Picture: Shane Hollander, wearing sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a neck pillow, walking stone-faced past a massive wall plastered in advertisements for City Seltzer where he poses shirtless and drenched in water]
spotted at ottawa international: this is the best day of my life

3:01 PM · Sep 2, 2021

1.3K Retweets    104 Quote Tweets    12.1K Likes

Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦

Mon, 2 Sep 03:01 PM

Shane: In the Uber, heading home.

Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦 started sharing his location with you

Ilya: thank you malysh

Ilya: was airport okay?

Shane: I guess so. I know a few people recognized me but they were mostly chill. Mom called while I was waiting for my gear.

Ilya: everything okay?

Shane: Yeah

Shane: She’s just as nervous as I am.

Shane: She wanted to run more contingency plans by me already.

Shane: And I can’t even be that mad at her because it turned out she was right, and we definitely should have had more contingencies in place.

Ilya: she cares

Ilya: but i know it can be a lot

Ilya: maybe tonight we let everyone know our phones are on a silent retreat okay? it can be just you and me

Shane: Are you horny again?

Shane: Just kidding.

Shane: That sounds good.

Shane: Great, actually.

Ilya: okay. i’m going to call Yuna and David and let them know not to worry. i will see you soon

Shane: Thanks ❤️

OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️

Mon, 2 Sep 03:24 PM

Bood

Lol Roz your husband is already making headlines in Ottawa newspapers

Bood shared a link: "HOMETOWN HERO SPOTTED! Hockey Legend Shane Hollander lands in CYOW, greets fans! Welcome home, Hollander!"

Dykstra

Geez, he’s already got more publicity than the Centaurs had for years

Dillon

Good thing we’re changing that boys 💪

Roz: yes i know my husband is so famous and important

Roz: you may all be jealous and cry now

Hazey

Lowkey I am jealous! Look at his fucking abs! Way to go, Roz!

[Tap to Download: A photographed Shane reclining shirtless on his side in a massive advertisement, thumb pulling down his bottom lip as he pours a can of City Seltzer into his open mouth. In the foreground, real Shane Hollander quickly walks in front of the ad with his head down, hidden behind a large neck pillow, sunglasses, and a baseball cap]

Young

no cap this is the funniest picture i have ever seen LMAO

LaPointe

meme potential fs. “when your mom is trying to brag about you to relatives you haven’t met since you were four years old”

Holmberg

“you vs the guy she told you not to worry about”

Young

“my monday!self regretting every single decision my weekend!self made”

Harris

This is actually fantastic PR! Maybe I’ll try to make the meme myself 🤔

Chouinard

You guys know that when roz finally adds hollzy to this chat hes going to be able to see everything you said about his abs?

Hazey

And? Did I lie?

What should I be embarrassed about? It’s Shane fucking Hollander!

Young

yeah i have no fucking problem whatsoever glazing THE GOAT

Roz: close but wrong, i am obviously the goat

Roz: shane is second goat

Roz: shane is lamb actually

Roz: very cute, very soft, tastes good ;)

Barrett

…. Gross? Weird? I’m not sure what that is, but I don’t like it.

Bood

Shane is the lamb of hockey in the same way that Jesus was the lamb of Christianity.

Cuz he literally is hockey Jesus.

Sorry not sorry @Roz

Harris

Wait, though @Roz! That reminds me! When are you going to add Shane to the groupchats?? He’s officially a Centaur now!

Hazey

🥳🎉

Chouinard

Oh yeah, def add him in!

Harris

I’m so excited to meet him officially!

Roz: will add him in soon but not today

Roz: a lot going on, you understand

Roz: and shane is terrible texter and he fucking hates groupchats

Roz: will probably add him to official chat before this chaos mess

Harris

Oh, that makes sense! Of course, no rush!

Young

aww i wanted to meet him

LaPointe

shut up dude

Bood

Meeting in person sounds like a good idea Roz! We’ve got the barbecue next week but that’ll be after the first all-team practice, so let me know and we can definitely reschedule!

Roz: thank you but shane will probably feel better about meeting at practice first (he is very obsessed with hockey, will probably feel most comfortable there)

Roz: but i will ask, thank you

Chouinard

Jesus, thinking about practice - Holly on the fucking roster, I still can’t believe it

Holmberg

Wait whats the downlow, is it Holly or Hollzy?? God i dont wanna look like a noob in front of the new cool exchange student 😫😫

Chouinard

Calling Shane Hollander an exchange student… are you okay?

I used to train with some of the Voyageur dudes during the summer, they used both ig (and they fucking never shut up about Shane, btw)

Barrett

I’m not sure what it was like in Montreal, but in Toronto, people called him Holly when they were making fun of him.

Oh, sorry, Roz. Just thought everyone should know. I don’t know if Hollander knows that, though.

Hazey

Yeahhhh, I remember that. Kent definitely called him that on the ice and not in a nice way.

Bood

He was always Hollzy or Hollander at All-Stars. I remember some of the Florida guys doing the same thing with Holly, getting on his nerves, you know? We can stick with his real name for now until he tells us otherwise.

Roz: no holly

Roz: he doesnt like nicknames because he is boring but hollzy is fine

Roz: fuck kent fuck toronto

Roz: fuck montreal

Hazey, Bood, Dykstra and others emphasized this message

Barrett

Sorry :/

Young

i dont get it tho whats wrong with holly?

Dillon

Bro.

LaPointe

dude SHUTT UPPPP its literally a girls name its a gay joke

Young

oh

my bad

thats so dumb tho

Holmberg

Assholes

Luca Haas

I am very glad that the Centaurs drafted me even though they were terrible at the time and I was worried about that. Other teams seem very mean in comparison, and that is worse than being terrible.

Chouinard

Not all of them! But definitely some - don’t worry, though, Luca, you definitely lucked out because we all know the Centaurs are the best AND the nicest

Harris, Hazey, Roz and others emphasized this message

Luca Haas

Yes 🙂

Yuna and David

Mon, 2 Sep 03:41 AM

Ilya: hello, shane is on his way to the cottage

Yuna

Thanks for letting us know Ilya!

Are you sure you don’t want us to stop by? We can bring leftovers!

David

Yuna.

Yuna

What? I'm just checking!

Ilya: no thank you yuna, we appreciate it but shane is already overwhelmed

Ilya: he was recognized several times at the airport and there are already pictures and articles

Ilya: i think best thing for him tonight is quiet and relaxation

David

Whatever you think is best, Ilya. We trust you 🖤❤️ love you kid

Yuna

But let us know if you change your minds or if you need anything!

David

Yuna.

Ilya: haha okay yes, we will let you know

Ilya: yuna could you keep an eye on twitter for us tonight? i dont want shane stressing about his phone but he will feel better knowing someone is monitoring pictures and news

Yuna

Yes, absolutely! I am already on it!

Ilya: thank you, for both of us

Yuna

We love you so much Ilya! See you tomorrow!

Ilya: :)

David

Mon, 2 Sep 03:45 PM

David: I saw what you did there. Nice diversion. Yuna has already set up her battle monitoring station in the living room.

Ilya: ah yes, i know she wants to help, and i didnt lie, shane will feel better knowing that she is working on it

David: I know kiddo. Take some time for yourself tonight too, okay? You need to relax and settle in as well. Love you, see you boys soon

Ilya Rozanov (Son) reacted to this message with ❤️

Mom (Yuna Hollander)

Mon, 2 Sep 05:59 PM

Yuna: Hi, sweetie! You don’t have to respond tonight but I want you to know that everything looks good and you handled yourself very admirably at the airport! City Seltzer has already reached out -- they love the publicity!

Yuna: And we love you too, baby. I’m glad Ilya is making sure you take some time to relax. You deserve it so, so much.

08:30 PM

Shane: Thanks Mom

Shane: We’re still on for lunch tomorrow?

Yuna: Of course! Talk to you then!

Yuna: And don’t forget about the Reebok’s shoot next week, it’s very, very important. The timing of this is crucial, we need to show everyone that you’re not backing down!

Shane: Yes, Mom. Love you.

David

08:53 PM

David: Please tell Shane I said goodnight and that I love him.

David: Yuna told me she texted him again and I'm sorry about that. She’ll apologize for herself tomorrow.

Ilya: okay

Ilya: he only wants to impress her

David: I know. She’s stressed and sometimes this is how she shows her love, but we talked. She’s not going to text again tonight.

Ilya: okay

Ilya: thank you for understanding

Ilya: shane says he loves you back (of course)

David: I’m just so grateful I get to have both my boys in town

David: Goodnight, kids.

“shane hollander can score goals, but he’s gay, so that doesn’t really matter” OMG I AM FUCKING SEETHING WITH RAGE OVER THIS FUCKASS ARTICLE @DerekScheiller wtf is wrong with you???

6:41 AM · Sep 3, 2021

2.3K Retweets    183 Quote Tweets    21.1K Likes

Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦

Tue, 3 Sep 06:59 AM

Jane: Good morning! Didn’t want to wake you. Going for a run with Anya. I love you.

Tue, 3 Sep 07:41 AM

Lily: nooooooo i am crying why didn’t you wake me???

Lily: steal my pretty morning freckles and my dog??? shame on you

Lily: 😒

Jane: Haha. I thought she was our dog?

Lily: yes yes she is actually our daughter

Lily: who is not cuddled up in bed with us right now

Lily: because you have stolen her from me

Lily: boooooo

Jane: Don’t boo me 😕

Lily: where are you?

Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦 started sharing his location with you

Jane: I found a smoothie place near this park! And they had pup cups :)

Jane: [Tap to Download
IMG_4183.HEIC]

Lily: moy zontik

Lily: you give Anya a milkshake with whipped cream and get grass smoothie for yourself? 😂

Jane: ... umbrella? Really, Ilya?

Jane: And I looked it up and it’s safe in moderation for dogs. Anya is not a professional athlete, so she doesn’t need to be on my diet.

Jane: And she shares half of your genetics, apparently, so I didn’t want to deny her.

Lily: genetics ❤️

Jane: ❤️

Lily: you are not far from the house

Lily: i am dressed, will you wait for me to catch up and then we can run together?

Jane: Okay. I’ll start my yoga routine in the park. Not a lot of people here this early on a Tuesday.

Lily: good, should be for my eyes only but i will accept for now

Lily: and tomorrow you wake me up with you and we run together even if it is with the dawn, okay?

Jane: Okay

Jane: I promise.

+++

OttawaCentaurs

Tue, 3 Sep 08:54 AM

Boodram

Morning boys! Welcome back, hope everyone is ready for the first day of training camp! We’re going to be seeing a lot of rookies and prospects today and if you’re coming today, remember to show up on time and set a good example - on the ice and in the locker room! We’re building a community here, not just a roster!

Rozanov: well said 👏👏👏 very proud of my alternate captain 🫡

Luca Haas

I will be there.

Young

omg same bestie

LaPointe

we’re literally twinning right now - tripletting??? 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️

Chouinard

Rooks. For the millionth time. This is the serious chat. Business only.

Boodram emphasized this message

Young

I AM NOT A ROOKIE

LaPointe

roz started it 😒😒

Dillon

you will always be rookies to us 🤞

Boodram

OK, serious chat and we don’t need to do a rollcall. Any actual questions before practice?

Dykstra

Is Hollzy coming? I wasn’t going to show up for the first week but I’m itching to meet the guy

Or Roz?

Rozanov: i will be there hollander will not. only veteran captains today

Mironov

I thought Hollander would get the A. No?

Young

@Rozanov do you always call him by his last name lol??? your married lmfao

Boodram

@Mironov hasn’t been announced yet. Roz, Dillion and I are showing up for day one as the current alternates. Veteran attendance isn’t mandatory until Tuesday but anyone is welcome.

@Young Shut up.

Rozanov: also well said, you are on a roll bood

Offerson

You're all exhausting.

Got it: show up on time, be polite, ignore the rookies.

Young

😭😭😭

Luca Haas

I will be on time and also polite.

Dillon

Lmao, okay guys, see you all soon!

Hayden

Tue, 3 Sep 09:35 AM

Hayden: Hey bud just checking in!

You got practice today?

Shane: Good morning

Shane: No, it's the official start but coach told the vets not to show up until Tuesday next week

Hayden: Oh sick day off, nice!

Hayden: You and Rozanov just gonna kick it?

Shane: The captains are attending, actually. But we'll hang out later.

Hayden: Oh right duh

Hayden: Whoops

Shane: Do you have practice?

Hayden: Same deal. Just captains and all the prospects

Hayden: Won't be the same without you

Shane: No, it'll be weird.

Hayden: Yeah

Hayden: Well, I gotta go, we just barely got the kids out the door this morning lol so I'm not ready at all - good example I'm setting already right?

Shane: Yeah, haha

Hayden: Yeah

Hayden: I'll talk to you later, yeah, Shane?

Shane: Yeah, definetly

Ilya ❤️

Tue, 3 Sep 01:04 PM

Ilya: sorry, am running late but on my way home

Ilya: all the little babies were so sad you were not at practice 😢

Ilya: made me feel very unappreciated

Shane: Yet how many autographs did they ask you to sign anyway?

Ilya: hmmmm maybe six 😉

Shane: That’s what I thought.

Ilya: they are so little and soft

Ilya: were we ever that young?

Shane: We were that young together, believe it or not.

Ilya: fuck

Ilya: guess we were

Ilya: omw home 🏃

Shane: Faster.

Ilya: 🏃🏃🏃💨

Mom (Yuna Hollander)

Tue, 3 Sep 01:14 PM

Shane: Can we push lunch back by another hour? Ilya got out of morning skate late, catching up with the rookies

Yuna: Of course, sweetie! Still looking forward to it!

Mom (Yuna Hollander) updated your shared calendar

Shane: Great, thanks.

Yuna: Any updates on getting that A?

Shane: You and Farah would be the first people I told if there had been.

Yuna: Well, they're going to give it to you, you know that, right? They'd be idiots not to. Even if they made you trade off who wore the A with Dykstra, but even that I doubt. You're Shane Hollander!

Shane: Ilya likes Dykstra. And it's about leadership capability, not just performance.

Yuna: I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but he's not better than you!

Yuna: And you have leadership skills, Shane - you led the Voyageurs to three Cups! That isn't an accident!

Shane: Okay, yeah. I'll let you know, but I'm not worried about it and I don't want you to be made at Dykstra or Boodram about it.

Yuna: I'm not mad! I'm being realistic!

Shane: Okay. See you at lunch.

Yuna: Okay, baby

01:031 PM

Shane: Have you seen Twitter?

Yuna: I'm handling it.

Shane: Thanks

Preseason schedule is announced and finalized, tickets available now! Go Cens Go! 🏒🥅🐴

— 9.21 Centaurs v Guardians @ScotiabankArena
— 9.23 Guardians v Centaurs @CanadianTireCentre
— 9.28 Emperors v Centaurs @PPGPaintsArena
— 9.30 Centaurs v Voyageurs (Neutral Site)
— 10.2 Centaurs v Aquamarines (Neutral Site)
— 10.4 Centaurs v Voyageurs @CanadianTireCentre

3:02 PM · Sep 3, 2021

29.3K Retweets    1.0K Quote Tweets    99.1K Likes

Crazy that the voyageurs fumbled the bag on hollander so hard that the entire league is gonna have to face those two monsters at the same time all season now. fml. good for you brother @Ilyarozanov81 truly legandary pull 👍

6:12 PM · Sep 3, 2021

7.3K Retweets    12.3K Quote Tweets    31.1K Likes

After internal review, we have taken down an article published yesterday by former contributor Derek Scheiller for offensive language and implications. We strive to protect the rites and freedom of our journalists, but condemn hate speech in all forms. We apologize to the parties involved. Thank you for your understanding.

7:31 PM · Sep 3, 2021

3.3K Retweets    2.3K Quote Tweets    981 Likes

@PressRoomJunket @DerekSchieller hey fuck you cowards 🖕

7:30 PM · Sep 3, 2021

150 Retweets    127 Quote Tweets    634 Likes

@CliffMarlowHockey my husband is not "pull." delete this

8:05 PM · Sep 3, 2021

1.5K Retweets    2.6K Quote Tweets    42.8K Likes

maybe you can report on something interesting next time. how about "ilya rozanov and shane hollander both score (on and off the ice)"?

9:41 PM · Sep 3, 2021

2.3K Retweets    4.6K Quote Tweets    39.8K Likes

OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️

Tue, 3 Sep 10:13 PM

Bood

Your man’s got jokes Roz 🤣

Roz: emphasis on MY man, back off 🔪

Bood

This is going to be a recurring thing with you, isn’t it?

Dykstra

Hot, funny, and good at hockey? Literally, what did he do in a past life to deserve all this?

Young

nah what did WE do to deserve him?????

Barrett

Harris is just glad to have someone who can keep Roz on a short leash now

LaPointe

LMAO

Roz: and what of it? i am not ashamed

Roz: bark bark 🥵

this one is even dumber than the last 😭

12:30 PM · Sep 7, 2021

78 Retweets    510 Quote Tweets    12.6K Likes

Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦

Sun, 8 Sep 08:04 AM

Shane: Just got to the studio. We'll probably break for lunch around 1:00pm and I might not have my phone until then. I know a couple of the camerapeople. Everyone's been nice so far.

Ilya: good

Ilya: i hope you have fun and take lots of sexy pictures

Shane: Taking sexy pictures is usually the least favorite part of my day when they aren't for you.

Ilya: they are for me

Ilya: everything about you is for me

Ilya: yes? tell me

Shane: Yeah

Shane: Yeah, it's all for you.

Ilya: good. remember that

Ilya: all the set assistants will be in love with you by the end of the day, but it's just for me

Shane: Fuck

Shane: Okay, I really gotta go.

Shane: Love you!

Ilya: love you too 🥰

12:34 PM

Ilya: shane i am so bored

Ilya: wish you were here...

Ilya: wish i had new pics of you right now

Ilya: unfair that everyone else gets to see them before me

Ilya: how could you do this to your husband 😔

1:09 PM

Shane: I guess I'm a little impressed that you almost made it to 1:00.

Ilya: THIS is what impresses you about me???

Ilya: emotional neglect 😖😖

Shane: Lol

Ilya: you know what this means??? 🤯🫨

Shane: Shut up.

Shane: I'm not THAT old.

Ilya: older than me

Ilya: you like them younger i think

Shane: Four weeks younger, you mean??

Ilya: so you admit it?

Shane: Shut up.

Ilya: no ❤️

Ilya: shoot still going okay, everyone is being nice?

Shane: Mostly. Mom's on a warpath so I think they're all pretty scared. Someone tried to bring up the rainbow sneakers again and I thought her glare was going to set them on fire lol

Ilya: they should have signed me instead

Ilya: i would look incredible in bisexual shoes

Shane: The bisexual flag colors are objectively more aesthetic than the rainbow flag. The sneakers are hideous, and they're tacky.

Shane: Don't tell Harris I said that, please.

Ilya: lol i would not rat you out for being so bad at being gay

Ilya: but harris would probably not be mad because troy is also bad at being gay, and he still likes him

Shane: I don't know, I thought I was pretty good at it this morning

Ilya: hmmmm maybe

Ilya: other than that, the shoot is going well? they are just being pushy about the shoes?

Shane: Sort of. One of the photographers did make a big deal out of my lunch break

Shane: They tried to tell me I shouldn't drink water because it would "bloat" my muscle definition 🙄

Ilya: dumb stupid idiots

Ilya: should i come beat them up?

Shane: No, it's fine, just annoying.

Ilya: did you get your water?

Shane: Yes, don't worry

Ilya: and lunch?

Shane: Yes, Ilya.

Ilya: good

Ilya: as reward:

Ilya: [Tap to download.]

Shane: ILYA

Shane: I AM IN PUBLIC

Shane: MY MOM IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME

Shane: Fuck, I almost dropped my phone in my salad!

Ilya: 😏

Ilya: i am so looking forward to your pictures, thought it was only fair to return the favor

Shane: You never play fair.

Ilya: no guess i dont 😘

Ilya: its your turn to hurry home

Shane: ...

Shane: 🏃🏃🏃

Shane: Just kidding. Sorry, I really can't leave the shoot early.

Ilya: i know moya kuritsa, that was very funny

Shane: Thanks :)

Shane: But stop calling me a chicken >:(

Ilya: you must stop acting so adorable or i will have to send you more pictures 😫😫 eventually yuna will see and i will no longer be favorite son 😞

Shane: Please, you'll always be the favorite!

Shane: You can do nothing wrong in her eyes.

Ilya: we can both be favorite bc we are special 🤗

Ilya: and you are always my favorite

Shane: Same...

Shane: Okay, I gotta go. Talk as soon as I'm done!

It's time... You've been asking and we're finally delivering 👀 Join in on the internet's fiercest debate at https://www.buzzfeed.com/shane-hollander-ilya-rozanov-quiz!

3:23 PM · Sep 8, 2021

13.3K Retweets    7.8K Quote Tweets    172.1K Likes

OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️

Sun, 8 Sep 5:18 PM

Roz: https://www.buzzfeed.com/shane-hollander-ilya-rozanov-quiz

Roz: vote for shane or its bag skates, and I want proof

Bood

What is wrong with you man 🤣

Roz: 👆 homophobe???

Dykstra

Stop accusing everyone of homophobia dude you're gonna get hr called on us

Young

lmao i voted twenty minutes ago youre slow roz

[Tap to download.]

Barrett

If HR ever gets access to this chat we're all screwed.

Harris

Very true 🤪

Roz: good job young

Roz: everyone else? i am waiting...

Barrett

Shane's still at that photoshoot, huh?

Roz: been gone all day, i am beginning to think he does not love me 😔

LaPointe

i voted 🫡 man's hot roz i need his workout routine actually

Roz: good job lapointe i will give you an assist next game 👍

Roz: now stop looking is mine 😡

Roz: WAIT HE JUST TEXTED HE WILL BE HOME IN FIVE MINUTES NO ONE TEXT ME FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT, I WILL NOT RESPOND

Barrett

So, so screwed.

i hate to say it, but buzzfeed was the secret hero of today

7:38 PM · Sep 8, 2021

24 Retweets    30 Quote Tweets    203 Likes

OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️

Sun, 8 Sep 10:18 PM

Roz: everyone be super cool, he changed his mind

Bood

What?

Roz added Shanya 🤩 to OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️

Shanya 🤩 changed their nickname to Hollander

Roz: boringgggg

Roz changed Hollander's nickname to BACK OFF HES MINE

BACK OFF HES MINE changed their nickname to Hollander

Hollander

Ilya. Stop it.

Bood changed Hollander's nickname to Lamb of Hockey

Lamb of Hockey

What does that even mean?

Bood changed Hollander's nickname to Hockey Jesus

Barrett

Enough

Barrett changed Hockey Jesus's nickname to Hollzy

Barrett

We good?? I'm putting this chat on mute if not.

Hollzy

Sorry. I apologize for him.

Harris

You should stop apologizing for him right now Hollzy or else you'll never get to do anything else lol

I'm just surprised Zane started participating lol

Welcome in!!! Wow, I know I was literally at your wedding but I still feel like I'm meeting my celebrity crush!!

Young

im fucking flipping out so bad rn omg we have shane hollander's number!!!! broooooooos

fuck sorry wrong groupchat

Hello Mr Hollander 🫣

LaPointe

@Young you embarrass all of us with this

Chouinard

Welcome to ottawa! Best advice, right off the bat: don't apologize for Roz and ignore the rookies

Holmberg

WE! ARE NOT! ROOKIES!

LaPointe

IM FUCKING TWENTY-THREE

Young

VIVA LA RÉVOLUTION 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦

Luca Haas

Hello, I am a very big fan!

I am also not a rookie 🙂🇨🇭

Dykstra

Kid, don't even try it.

Luca Haas

😕

Roz: you make the baby sad dykstra

Roz: i will have to take away your alternate and give it to my husband 🤷‍♂️ sorry i make the rules

Hollzy

Oh, my god, that is not what is happening, and don't announce it like that Ilya!

Dykstra

Lol, don't sweat it, Hollz! You're a literal legend, I'm honored to share the A with you!

Hollzy

I am sorry for him.

Harris

Again, the apologies are really not going to be worth your time - as the socmed guy who's been managing ilya for years, TRUST ME

Bood

The captaincy family grows 🥲 welcome aboard, Hollz!

Chouinard

Whoa, huge! Congrats Hollzy 🎉

Holmberg

When will I get an A smh 😞😞

Boyle

Before @Hazey does at least

Hazey

Uncalled for

@Hollzy!!! So excited to welcome you into the fold officially!

Even more excited that I'm never going to have to face you on the ice again!

Young, Boyle, and Dykstra liked this message

Bood

Hey Hollz, I'm sure Roz has mentioned it, but Cassie and I are hosting a barbecue Wednesday after the first full team practice! You're absolutely invited, welcome to bring any additional dishes you want to share, and feel free to invite any family and friends you've got in the area! Text me if you've got any allergies I should be aware of 👍🏾

Hollzy

Thanks, Bood! We will be there! Excited to see you all again, thanks for welcoming me to your team!

Bood

Our team 👍🏾👍🏾

Roz: our fucking team 😤😤

Chouinard

Brother, we gotta be the one thanking you here! I'm ready to win some fucking games

Young

i'm ready to win a fucking cup

LaPointe

KNOCK ON FUCKING WOOD OMG HEART ATTACK

Roz: superstitions are not necessary anymore

Roz: we have first and second best player in the league now - cup is ours 😤💪

Hollzy

Yeah, seemed like you couldn't get the job done when you only had the second best player, so I'm happy to help out!

Boyle

Ooh, he's got jokes!

Young

broskies i'm freaking fangirling over here wth

wrong chat sorry 😞

Bood

Actually, how hard is it to see what chat you're typing in? I'm worried about your eyes, kid.

Can't lie, though. I am seeing some cups in our future for sure.

Roz, Hollzy, Dykstra, and others liked this message

After a raucous 24 hours and fierce debate 🔥 we’re officially calling it! Congrats, Shane, the internet has spoken 👑👑!! Sorry @Ilyarozanov81, but I guess your husband is just super hot 🤷

3:40 PM · Sep 9, 2021

18.9K Retweets    2.1K Quote Tweets    92.1K Likes

Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦

Mon, 9 Sep 05:30 PM

Shane: I can't believe you started that. I have a thousand DMs now. Cosmopolitan has already called Mom.

Ilya: good, maybe i will get even more sexy pictures now

Shane: I refuse to do anything with Buzzfeed.

Ilya: not even puppy interview???? 😔

Shane: ... You can ask Harris to do his own version of one.

Ilya: YES SO YOU AGREE WE NEED A NEW PUPPY MAYBE TWO

Shane: No.

Shane: Down, boy.

Ilya: 🥵😮‍💨

Shane: I'll be home in twenty.

Ilya: and i'll be fucking ready